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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,159 --> 00:00:01,276 [MUSIC - THEME, "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW'] 2 00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:04,679 ANNOUNCER: The Dick Van Dyke Show. 3 00:00:04,779 --> 00:00:06,882 Starring Dick Van Dyke. 4 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,855 Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry 5 00:00:13,955 --> 00:00:16,825 Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore. 6 00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:25,667 [spooky music from the tv] 7 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,209 Oh, Rob, please turn this program off. 8 00:00:34,309 --> 00:00:35,243 It scares me. 9 00:00:35,343 --> 00:00:36,678 Honey, not during the climax. 10 00:00:36,778 --> 00:00:39,114 Well, can't you watch it in the living room? 11 00:00:39,214 --> 00:00:40,248 Go back under the covers. 12 00:00:40,348 --> 00:00:41,283 Oh. 13 00:00:43,685 --> 00:00:46,254 [spooky music continues] 14 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:51,293 Rob, I can still hear that weird music. 15 00:00:51,393 --> 00:00:52,594 Shh, honey, please. 16 00:00:55,030 --> 00:00:57,032 MAN ON TV: Why are you staring at me? 17 00:00:57,132 --> 00:00:58,767 Evelyn, your eyes. 18 00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:00,702 What's happened to your eyes? 19 00:01:00,802 --> 00:01:03,038 Why do you looking at me that way, Evelyn? 20 00:01:03,138 --> 00:01:04,773 No. No. 21 00:01:04,873 --> 00:01:05,774 No! 22 00:01:05,874 --> 00:01:06,808 No! 23 00:01:10,045 --> 00:01:12,480 LAURA: Rob, I can still hear it. 24 00:01:12,580 --> 00:01:14,115 All right, honey, you win. 25 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:21,323 It'll be over in a second. 26 00:01:21,423 --> 00:01:25,427 Just a minute, just a minute. 27 00:01:25,527 --> 00:01:27,028 Ah! 28 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:29,030 Ugh. 29 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,398 [gasping] 30 00:01:30,498 --> 00:01:31,967 All right, honey, it's all over. 31 00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:32,701 Not quite. 32 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:36,371 I'm still breathing. 33 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,573 I'm sorry, I was just trying to block out the music. 34 00:01:38,673 --> 00:01:40,008 Did it work? 35 00:01:40,108 --> 00:01:43,011 Beautifully, but you also blocked out my oxygen. 36 00:01:43,111 --> 00:01:46,481 If you had been Colak you wouldn't need any oxygen. 37 00:01:46,581 --> 00:01:47,482 Colak? 38 00:01:47,582 --> 00:01:48,650 Yeah, the guy in the movie. 39 00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:50,151 I don't think I saw that part. 40 00:01:50,251 --> 00:01:51,853 Well, saw the part where the pretty housewife bought 41 00:01:51,953 --> 00:01:53,355 the bag of walnuts, didn't you? 42 00:01:53,455 --> 00:01:55,557 Yeah, I saw the part where she started shelling them. 43 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:56,992 Yeah, did you see when she started 44 00:01:57,092 --> 00:01:58,593 open that strange looking walnut? 45 00:01:58,693 --> 00:02:01,096 No, that's when that crazy music started, 46 00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:03,298 and I went under. 47 00:02:03,398 --> 00:02:07,969 She opened it up, and there was no nut in there. 48 00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:10,805 It was just a thing about like the size of a grape. 49 00:02:10,905 --> 00:02:12,874 All that crazy music for a grape? 50 00:02:12,974 --> 00:02:14,342 Well, it wasn't really a grape, honey, 51 00:02:14,442 --> 00:02:16,811 it was a strange looking object, and it gave off a glow. 52 00:02:16,911 --> 00:02:19,314 [weird whistling] 53 00:02:19,414 --> 00:02:20,248 You know what it was? 54 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,050 I'd rather not know. 55 00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:24,819 ROB: It was a particle of absorbitron, a chemical element 56 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:26,354 from the planet Twilo. 57 00:02:26,454 --> 00:02:30,792 You see this Colak was an emissary from the planet Twilo. 58 00:02:30,892 --> 00:02:33,328 Rob, I would rather not know anything about the planet 59 00:02:33,428 --> 00:02:34,462 Twilo, or Colak. 60 00:02:34,562 --> 00:02:37,032 I think the whole thing is silly. 61 00:02:37,132 --> 00:02:38,400 Silly? 62 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:39,401 You just didn't see it. 63 00:02:39,501 --> 00:02:40,802 This was done beautifully. 64 00:02:40,902 --> 00:02:43,838 You see, the planet Twilo sent this emissary Colak 65 00:02:43,938 --> 00:02:47,042 down to Earth to get us to stop fooling around up in space. 66 00:02:47,142 --> 00:02:48,777 And he tried to get in the UN building, 67 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,712 and they threw him out. 68 00:02:50,812 --> 00:02:52,013 You know what he looked like? 69 00:02:52,113 --> 00:02:53,748 No, I don't want to know. 70 00:02:55,984 --> 00:02:58,053 Well, what did he look like? 71 00:03:00,288 --> 00:03:03,658 Real scary, and he spoke with an English accent, 72 00:03:03,758 --> 00:03:06,795 and he looked like Danny Thomas. 73 00:03:10,598 --> 00:03:12,901 Darling, there's nothing scary looking about Danny Thomas. 74 00:03:13,001 --> 00:03:14,469 I think he's kind of cute. 75 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:18,773 You wouldn't think he was so cute if he had four eyes. 76 00:03:18,873 --> 00:03:20,108 Four eyes? 77 00:03:20,208 --> 00:03:21,443 Yeah. 78 00:03:21,543 --> 00:03:24,012 All Twiloites have two in the front and two in the back. 79 00:03:24,112 --> 00:03:25,980 And this Colak kept the ones in back hidden 80 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,282 by letting his hair grow over them, 81 00:03:27,382 --> 00:03:29,684 and whenever he wanted to peek out of them 82 00:03:29,784 --> 00:03:31,252 he'd scratch his head like that. 83 00:03:31,352 --> 00:03:33,621 Hello there. 84 00:03:33,721 --> 00:03:36,524 Oh! 85 00:03:36,624 --> 00:03:37,792 And you know what he did? 86 00:03:37,892 --> 00:03:39,127 I don't want to hear. 87 00:03:39,227 --> 00:03:40,929 He took activated walnuts and put 88 00:03:41,029 --> 00:03:42,530 them in all the bins in supermarkets 89 00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:43,465 around the country. 90 00:03:43,565 --> 00:03:44,666 Oh, Rob, that's enough. 91 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,034 And you know what happens if anybody 92 00:03:46,134 --> 00:03:47,802 opens one of those walnuts? 93 00:03:47,902 --> 00:03:48,937 I don't want to know. 94 00:03:49,037 --> 00:03:51,306 Well, honey, it's not that scary. 95 00:03:51,406 --> 00:03:54,375 Anybody who was exposed to the rays from the absorbitron 96 00:03:54,476 --> 00:03:57,212 slowly take on the characteristics of Colak. 97 00:03:57,312 --> 00:03:59,647 So everybody ends up looking like Danny Thomas, 98 00:03:59,747 --> 00:04:00,682 and that's the end of the story. 99 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,450 Fine, good night. 100 00:04:02,550 --> 00:04:06,020 No, honey, that's not all. 101 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,822 They not only get an extra set of eyes, 102 00:04:07,922 --> 00:04:11,626 but they lose their imagination and their thumbs. 103 00:04:11,726 --> 00:04:13,328 Why? 104 00:04:13,428 --> 00:04:16,664 Because, without thumbs and without our imagination, 105 00:04:16,765 --> 00:04:18,133 we Earth people couldn't possibly 106 00:04:18,233 --> 00:04:21,202 build the things that threaten the existence of Twilo. 107 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,671 Oh, I'd hate to run into one of those walnuts myself. 108 00:04:23,772 --> 00:04:27,108 (ACCENTED VOICE) Why, without my thumbs, I couldn't type. 109 00:04:31,713 --> 00:04:36,251 And without my imagination, I wouldn't have a sense of humor. 110 00:04:36,351 --> 00:04:39,754 Wouldn't I be kind of a strange looking comedy writer? 111 00:04:39,854 --> 00:04:41,956 I think you're kind of a strange comedy writer 112 00:04:42,056 --> 00:04:43,458 right now, Boris. 113 00:04:43,558 --> 00:04:44,659 Good night. 114 00:04:44,759 --> 00:04:45,627 Oh, come on, let me finish, honey. 115 00:04:45,727 --> 00:04:46,861 No. 116 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,403 Oh, honey, that reminds me. 117 00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,972 I forgot to tell you something I've been meaning to tell you. 118 00:04:58,072 --> 00:04:59,174 What is it, dear? 119 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:03,478 Twiloites only eat walnuts. 120 00:05:03,578 --> 00:05:05,046 Oh, Rob! 121 00:05:05,146 --> 00:05:06,981 Yeah, and besides, they don't breathe any air. 122 00:05:07,081 --> 00:05:08,516 All they breathe is water. 123 00:05:08,616 --> 00:05:11,619 And this Colak would start suffocating about twice a day. 124 00:05:11,719 --> 00:05:13,421 Oh, water, water, water. 125 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:14,355 Water. 126 00:05:14,455 --> 00:05:16,457 Rob, stop it. 127 00:05:16,558 --> 00:05:18,793 Oh, Rob, are you trying to give me nightmares? 128 00:05:18,893 --> 00:05:19,794 Nightmares? 129 00:05:19,894 --> 00:05:21,262 It was just a movie, honey? 130 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,031 I'm going to wake up screaming tonight, I know it. 131 00:05:23,131 --> 00:05:27,268 I'm going to wake up screaming, and it'll be all your fault. 132 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:30,872 Honey, you just set the alarm for an hour from now. 133 00:05:30,972 --> 00:05:32,006 That's right. 134 00:05:32,106 --> 00:05:33,842 If Colak and his activated walnuts 135 00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,176 are going to come after me in my dreams, 136 00:05:35,276 --> 00:05:36,911 I'll be saved by the bell. 137 00:05:39,781 --> 00:05:40,582 Good night. 138 00:05:40,682 --> 00:05:41,616 Good night. 139 00:05:48,857 --> 00:05:50,692 [weird whistling] 140 00:05:50,792 --> 00:05:51,993 Oh, Rob! 141 00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:01,369 (ACCENTED VOICE) Would you care for a walnut, my dear? 142 00:06:04,138 --> 00:06:05,807 OK, OK, you did it. 143 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:10,578 You just blew homemade waffles for breakfast. 144 00:06:10,678 --> 00:06:11,479 (ACCENTED VOICE) Waffles? 145 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,681 What are waffles? 146 00:06:13,781 --> 00:06:14,983 I only eat walnuts. 147 00:06:17,952 --> 00:06:19,120 Good, because that's all you're 148 00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:20,421 going to get from now on. 149 00:06:20,521 --> 00:06:21,456 Walnuts. 150 00:06:46,748 --> 00:06:49,284 Honey, guess what I found in the living room? 151 00:06:49,384 --> 00:06:51,853 A dead horse. 152 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,354 That's not very funny. 153 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:56,291 Well, I guess I don't have much of a sense of humor. 154 00:06:56,391 --> 00:06:59,027 Oh, getting your morning breath of fresh air? 155 00:07:01,663 --> 00:07:02,964 Naturally. 156 00:07:03,064 --> 00:07:04,399 OK, you win. 157 00:07:04,499 --> 00:07:05,199 You win. 158 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,467 Here are your walnuts back. 159 00:07:06,567 --> 00:07:07,835 My walnuts? 160 00:07:07,936 --> 00:07:09,837 Yeah, the ones you strewed all over the living room floor. 161 00:07:09,937 --> 00:07:11,739 Now, why would I do that? 162 00:07:11,839 --> 00:07:13,374 Because I teased you last night. 163 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:16,911 Oh, Rob, you know I don't do silly things like that. 164 00:07:17,011 --> 00:07:18,946 Well, if you didn't do it, then who did? 165 00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:21,115 Well, maybe it was Colak, or one of his friends 166 00:07:21,215 --> 00:07:22,750 from the planet Twilo. 167 00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:23,685 Hi, Daddy! 168 00:07:23,785 --> 00:07:24,619 Hi, Rich. 169 00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:25,887 You have your breakfast? 170 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,356 Yeah, I had a nice bowl of hot walnuts. 171 00:07:30,725 --> 00:07:31,693 Here's your lunch, dear. 172 00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:34,562 Hurry, you'll be late for school. 173 00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,164 Oh, boy. 174 00:07:36,264 --> 00:07:38,299 A bag of walnuts. 175 00:07:38,399 --> 00:07:40,401 Yay! 176 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,470 Well, what's for breakfast, darling, fried, 177 00:07:42,570 --> 00:07:43,871 poached, or scrambled? 178 00:07:43,971 --> 00:07:44,839 Scrambled, please. 179 00:07:44,939 --> 00:07:46,507 OK. 180 00:07:46,607 --> 00:07:47,542 One or two? 181 00:07:56,384 --> 00:07:58,286 Why don't you have more than two, dear. 182 00:07:58,386 --> 00:08:00,054 They're awfully small today. 183 00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:07,295 All right. 184 00:08:07,395 --> 00:08:08,029 OK. 185 00:08:08,129 --> 00:08:09,163 I'll eat at the office. 186 00:08:09,263 --> 00:08:10,732 Oh, Rob, darling, wait. 187 00:08:10,832 --> 00:08:13,501 I hate to see you go off without having something to eat. 188 00:08:13,601 --> 00:08:15,169 Now that is a little bit more like it. 189 00:08:15,269 --> 00:08:17,605 Here, you can eat this on the way to work. 190 00:08:20,441 --> 00:08:22,410 You're not going to fix me any breakfast, are you? 191 00:08:22,510 --> 00:08:24,278 Darling, I offered to fix your breakfast. 192 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,780 All right, all right, have your fun. 193 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,315 Have fun. Enjoy yourself. 194 00:08:30,952 --> 00:08:31,853 Hi, gang. 195 00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:32,954 Sorry I'm late. 196 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:33,955 I'm sorry I'm short. 197 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,858 I'm sorry I'm single. 198 00:08:36,958 --> 00:08:38,960 What kept you, Rob? 199 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,462 A house full of walnuts. 200 00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,765 Well, Buddy, shall I say it, or shall we both say it? 201 00:08:43,865 --> 00:08:44,932 I think we ought to both say it. 202 00:08:45,032 --> 00:08:48,436 BOTH: A houseful of walnuts? 203 00:08:48,536 --> 00:08:50,605 Laura was getting even with me this morning because I 204 00:08:50,705 --> 00:08:52,640 scared her last night. - You scared her? 205 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:53,541 What'd you do? 206 00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:55,410 Show up? 207 00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:57,345 I was pretending that I was this guy 208 00:08:57,445 --> 00:08:59,080 Colak who breathes water. 209 00:08:59,180 --> 00:09:00,481 Oh, yeah. 210 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,817 The four eyed monster they threw out of the UN. 211 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,285 He came from the planet Twilo. 212 00:09:04,385 --> 00:09:05,953 You see that picture? 213 00:09:06,054 --> 00:09:07,488 No, they make a picture out of that? 214 00:09:12,060 --> 00:09:13,694 Last night on television. 215 00:09:13,795 --> 00:09:14,862 No. 216 00:09:14,962 --> 00:09:18,366 I was at the UN the day it happened. 217 00:09:18,466 --> 00:09:20,568 Listen, if this guy didn't have those four eyes, 218 00:09:20,668 --> 00:09:22,470 I'd have married him. 219 00:09:22,570 --> 00:09:24,272 What's this got to do with walnuts? 220 00:09:24,372 --> 00:09:26,841 Oh, well you see, all these creatures on the planet Twilo 221 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:27,742 only eat-- 222 00:09:27,842 --> 00:09:31,746 [cracking] 223 00:09:31,846 --> 00:09:32,713 What was that noise? 224 00:09:32,814 --> 00:09:34,415 What noise? 225 00:09:34,515 --> 00:09:35,950 I heard a noise just now. 226 00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:36,951 I heard it too. 227 00:09:37,051 --> 00:09:38,653 It's like walnuts cracking. 228 00:09:38,753 --> 00:09:40,555 Yeah. 229 00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:41,255 Well, I don't know. 230 00:09:41,355 --> 00:09:42,323 Where'd it come from? 231 00:09:42,423 --> 00:09:43,291 It might have come from me. 232 00:09:43,391 --> 00:09:44,525 I just cracked a couple. 233 00:09:47,929 --> 00:09:48,963 All right, Buddy. 234 00:09:49,063 --> 00:09:51,165 Who put you up to eating walnuts? 235 00:09:51,265 --> 00:09:55,203 Well, if you must know, I switched from pistachios. 236 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,103 I always eat walnuts. 237 00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:58,072 Doesn't everybody? 238 00:09:58,172 --> 00:10:00,308 Rob, are you all right? 239 00:10:00,408 --> 00:10:02,877 I'm not sure until I find out where Buddy got the idea 240 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,045 of eating walnuts just now. 241 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,146 Why does it have to be an idea? 242 00:10:05,246 --> 00:10:06,814 I was hungry. I like walnuts. 243 00:10:06,914 --> 00:10:07,715 Come on, Buddy. 244 00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,250 Where'd you get them? 245 00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:11,519 What's the difference? 246 00:10:11,619 --> 00:10:12,787 Did Laura call you this morning 247 00:10:12,887 --> 00:10:13,855 and tell you to eat walnuts? 248 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,860 Why are you guys looking at each other? 249 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,194 Rob, wouldn't you look at a friend 250 00:10:20,294 --> 00:10:21,996 if another friend asked you if his wife called 251 00:10:22,096 --> 00:10:25,199 and told him to eat walnuts? 252 00:10:25,299 --> 00:10:26,267 Now, come on. 253 00:10:26,367 --> 00:10:28,069 Where did you get the walnuts? 254 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,104 Our guest star gave them to me. 255 00:10:30,204 --> 00:10:31,572 Well, I don't know. 256 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:34,775 I didn't think Laura was that mad at me, to go to such 257 00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:36,777 a complicated practical joke. 258 00:10:36,878 --> 00:10:38,679 I don't understand it, it's not like her. 259 00:10:38,779 --> 00:10:40,748 Rob, I hate to interrupt you while you're 260 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,683 talking to yourself, but can we get down to work, please? 261 00:10:42,783 --> 00:10:44,318 I have a very important luncheon engagement. 262 00:10:44,418 --> 00:10:46,387 How about we do the spot for the guest? 263 00:10:46,487 --> 00:10:47,555 You know, get that out of the way. 264 00:10:47,655 --> 00:10:49,590 The best idea you've had all day. 265 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:50,658 What do we do? 266 00:10:50,758 --> 00:10:58,766 Well-- all right, who put that in there? 267 00:10:58,866 --> 00:10:59,700 Colak. 268 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,069 Colak. 269 00:11:02,170 --> 00:11:03,004 Oh, come on. 270 00:11:03,104 --> 00:11:04,539 Let's open the show. 271 00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:06,207 How about using it for an opening a good boy girl number. 272 00:11:06,307 --> 00:11:07,875 I don't think the TV world is quite 273 00:11:07,975 --> 00:11:11,979 ready for a boy girl number sung by Alan Brady and Danny Thomas. 274 00:11:15,182 --> 00:11:16,851 Danny Thomas? 275 00:11:16,951 --> 00:11:19,287 Is Danny Thomas the guest star this week? 276 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,122 You told us about it. 277 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,156 I did? 278 00:11:22,256 --> 00:11:23,357 SALLY: Sure, don't you remember? 279 00:11:23,457 --> 00:11:24,659 You even put a reminder in the drawer. 280 00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:35,469 See? 281 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,505 You guys are very, very thorough. 282 00:11:37,605 --> 00:11:38,839 Oh, come on, let's get to work. 283 00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:40,708 I'm not going to work with you or anybody else 284 00:11:40,808 --> 00:11:42,343 until you guys promise me to stop fooling 285 00:11:42,443 --> 00:11:44,745 around trying to scare me. 286 00:11:44,845 --> 00:11:47,315 Should we stop fooling around and trying and scare him? 287 00:11:49,951 --> 00:11:51,285 Rob. 288 00:11:51,385 --> 00:11:54,622 BOTH: We'll stop fooling around trying to scare you. 289 00:11:54,722 --> 00:11:57,525 Knock it off. 290 00:11:57,625 --> 00:12:00,995 I can't figure out how I forgot Danny Thomas was on the show 291 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,863 this week. 292 00:12:02,964 --> 00:12:03,831 You know, funny thing. 293 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:04,832 Yeah. 294 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,367 Yeah, I know a funny thing. 295 00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:08,903 A nearsighted turtle falling in love with an army helmet. 296 00:12:13,207 --> 00:12:15,743 [forced laughter] 297 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,679 Cut it out! 298 00:12:21,415 --> 00:12:23,184 Now look, you guys. 299 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,785 I don't know what you're trying to do. 300 00:12:24,885 --> 00:12:26,220 I don't know what you're trying to do me, but the joke is over, 301 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,154 you understand that? 302 00:12:27,254 --> 00:12:28,556 The joke is over. 303 00:12:28,656 --> 00:12:30,992 I'll tell Laura how good you were, all right? 304 00:12:31,092 --> 00:12:32,193 Now if it's not too much trouble, 305 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,996 may we please get down to work? 306 00:12:35,096 --> 00:12:37,732 Rob, if I didn't know you better, 307 00:12:37,832 --> 00:12:40,067 I'd swear you've lost your sense of humor. 308 00:12:44,105 --> 00:12:45,439 Why did you just say that? 309 00:12:45,539 --> 00:12:47,575 Maybe swallowed some absorbitron. 310 00:12:47,675 --> 00:12:48,976 You did see that movie, didn't you? 311 00:12:49,076 --> 00:12:51,012 No, I told you, I was at the UN. 312 00:12:51,112 --> 00:12:52,046 Remember dollface. 313 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,350 Something strange here today. 314 00:12:56,450 --> 00:12:58,085 Hi-ho, everybody. 315 00:12:58,185 --> 00:13:00,054 Oh boy, Mel, am I glad to see you. 316 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,222 Mel, look. 317 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,390 I want to ask you a question, I want 318 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,692 a straight answer from you. 319 00:13:04,792 --> 00:13:08,095 Who is this week's guest star on the show? 320 00:13:08,195 --> 00:13:11,098 Why, Danny Thomas. 321 00:13:11,198 --> 00:13:13,534 Did my wife tell you to put Danny Thomas on the show? 322 00:13:13,634 --> 00:13:14,602 No, no. 323 00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,003 As a matter of fact, she was against it. 324 00:13:16,103 --> 00:13:17,038 She wanted Colak. 325 00:13:21,275 --> 00:13:22,276 Did Laura tell you to say that? 326 00:13:22,376 --> 00:13:24,178 She did, didn't she? 327 00:13:24,278 --> 00:13:25,613 Did you tell him to say that? 328 00:13:25,713 --> 00:13:27,281 They told you to say that, didn't they? 329 00:13:27,381 --> 00:13:28,282 Huh? 330 00:13:28,382 --> 00:13:29,383 You guys are putting me on. 331 00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:30,518 You're putting me on. 332 00:13:30,618 --> 00:13:33,054 Now Rob, pull yourself together. 333 00:13:33,154 --> 00:13:34,488 You look terrible. 334 00:13:34,588 --> 00:13:36,390 Here, this will make you feel better. 335 00:13:36,490 --> 00:13:38,726 Take two of these with a glass of air. 336 00:13:38,826 --> 00:13:41,495 Ah! 337 00:13:41,595 --> 00:13:44,432 I thought you guys were my friends. 338 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,901 Buddy, how's about we work on the opening monologue. 339 00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:47,935 Of course, pal. 340 00:13:55,576 --> 00:13:57,945 Don't forget, Rob, thumbs up. 341 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,188 Something is wrong here. 342 00:14:07,288 --> 00:14:10,057 Something's wrong. 343 00:14:10,157 --> 00:14:11,425 There's three possibilities. 344 00:14:11,525 --> 00:14:14,528 Either Laura and the gang are playing a very 345 00:14:14,628 --> 00:14:17,598 elaborate practical joke on me, or 346 00:14:17,698 --> 00:14:24,372 I'm having a horrible nightmare, or it's really happening to me. 347 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,373 Wait. 348 00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:28,109 It can't really be happening to me, 349 00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:31,078 because I still got my thumbs. 350 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,852 I'm all right. 351 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,838 [weird droning] 352 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:04,912 I've got to be dreaming. 353 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,482 I'm having a dream. 354 00:15:08,582 --> 00:15:09,416 That's all. 355 00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:10,985 I'm just having a dream. 356 00:15:11,085 --> 00:15:11,752 I'll wake up. 357 00:15:11,852 --> 00:15:14,155 I'll wake up pretty soon. 358 00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:16,223 I know I'm having a dream. 359 00:15:16,323 --> 00:15:18,659 That hurt. 360 00:15:18,759 --> 00:15:20,694 Never hurts in a dream. 361 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:21,829 LAURA (ON PHONE): Hello? 362 00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:25,065 Laura I want you to do me a favor. 363 00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,467 Sure, darling. 364 00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:29,003 Go in the bedroom, pull down the covers on my bed 365 00:15:29,103 --> 00:15:30,004 and see if I'm there. 366 00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:35,543 Rob, darling, I don't have time for jokes. 367 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,578 I have a walnut roast in the oven. 368 00:15:37,678 --> 00:15:39,380 All right, all right. 369 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,981 All right, now you win. 370 00:15:41,081 --> 00:15:43,117 You and your friends have scared the pants off me, I admit it. 371 00:15:43,217 --> 00:15:44,185 Are you happy? 372 00:15:44,285 --> 00:15:45,486 Have you still got your thumbs? 373 00:15:45,586 --> 00:15:46,821 Yes, I have. 374 00:15:46,921 --> 00:15:48,455 There's not much you can do about that, is there? 375 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:49,390 [chuckling] 376 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,457 Now that's enough. 377 00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:51,392 Laura-- 378 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:52,893 [click] 379 00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:53,928 Laura? 380 00:15:56,931 --> 00:15:59,667 Why is she doing this to me? 381 00:15:59,767 --> 00:16:02,436 That's it, it's got to be a dream. 382 00:16:02,536 --> 00:16:03,671 Must be a dream. 383 00:16:03,771 --> 00:16:05,639 She wouldn't do this to me. 384 00:16:05,739 --> 00:16:08,642 So I'm-- I'm just dreaming. 385 00:16:08,742 --> 00:16:11,111 All right, then I'll do some work. 386 00:16:11,212 --> 00:16:13,113 I'll do some work and I'll just get my mind off it. 387 00:16:13,214 --> 00:16:14,114 I'll wake up. 388 00:16:19,386 --> 00:16:22,323 [whining] 389 00:16:22,423 --> 00:16:23,424 All right, that's enough. 390 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,325 That's enough. 391 00:16:24,425 --> 00:16:25,559 This is too much. 392 00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:31,198 [whining continues] 393 00:16:45,179 --> 00:16:46,680 I beg pardon. 394 00:16:46,780 --> 00:16:49,583 Could you tell me where I might find Robert Petrie? 395 00:16:52,286 --> 00:16:54,688 Who are you? 396 00:16:54,788 --> 00:16:56,023 Who do you think I am? 397 00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:01,795 Danny Thomas? 398 00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,964 What is a Danny Thomas? 399 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,169 Then who are you? 400 00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:10,204 Guess. 401 00:17:17,544 --> 00:17:20,147 [whistling] 402 00:17:28,489 --> 00:17:32,760 Uh, why are you here? 403 00:17:32,860 --> 00:17:36,163 I've merely come to see what the last remaining Earth 404 00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:38,132 person looks like. 405 00:17:38,232 --> 00:17:39,867 The last? 406 00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:43,037 Look at me, look at me, I still got my thumbs. 407 00:17:43,137 --> 00:17:44,805 Now, you get out of here Danny or Colak 408 00:17:44,905 --> 00:17:45,706 or whatever your name is. 409 00:17:45,806 --> 00:17:48,208 You get out of here. 410 00:17:48,309 --> 00:17:49,243 Very well. 411 00:17:52,479 --> 00:17:53,480 Oh, look. 412 00:17:53,581 --> 00:17:54,615 Where? 413 00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:56,951 You have a stain on your necktie. 414 00:17:57,051 --> 00:17:58,352 What? 415 00:17:58,452 --> 00:17:59,286 I don't see a stain. 416 00:17:59,386 --> 00:18:02,823 Oh, there it is. 417 00:18:02,923 --> 00:18:04,058 How did you see it from there? 418 00:18:04,158 --> 00:18:08,228 I have a perfect 20/20 20/20 vision. 419 00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:14,234 (SINGING) La dee da da. 420 00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:15,703 Da dee da da. 421 00:18:28,582 --> 00:18:30,818 I must be dreaming. 422 00:18:30,918 --> 00:18:32,753 Either that, or I'm in the Twilo Zone. 423 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:36,757 I must be dreaming. 424 00:18:36,857 --> 00:18:38,325 It's not really happening to me. 425 00:18:38,425 --> 00:18:43,263 Because if it's really happening to me, and I was a Twiloite, 426 00:18:43,364 --> 00:18:46,433 and the absorbatron was really working, 427 00:18:46,533 --> 00:18:49,770 I wouldn't have any thumbs, and I've got my thumbs. 428 00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:57,277 Ah! 429 00:19:00,247 --> 00:19:02,082 Oh, no! 430 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,450 I got to get home. 431 00:19:03,550 --> 00:19:05,819 I got to go back to a little bed before that I alarm goes off 432 00:19:05,919 --> 00:19:06,787 and I never wake up. 433 00:19:06,887 --> 00:19:08,288 Laura! Laura. 434 00:19:08,389 --> 00:19:09,356 [inaudible] 435 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:14,928 Laura, Laura? 436 00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:16,964 Did you [inaudible] yet? 437 00:19:17,064 --> 00:19:18,232 Laura? 438 00:19:18,332 --> 00:19:20,234 Laura, where are you? 439 00:19:20,334 --> 00:19:21,435 Laura? 440 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,971 Danny Thomas put nuts in my head. 441 00:19:24,071 --> 00:19:25,372 Laura! 442 00:19:25,472 --> 00:19:26,473 Laura, where are you? 443 00:19:41,455 --> 00:19:43,657 Laura. 444 00:19:43,757 --> 00:19:44,992 Darling. 445 00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:47,361 What are you doing home from work so early? 446 00:19:47,461 --> 00:19:51,465 Laura, you gotta help me. 447 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,167 I'm having a nightmare. 448 00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:55,502 I can't wake up. 449 00:19:55,602 --> 00:19:56,537 You're having a nightmare? 450 00:19:56,637 --> 00:19:57,571 Yeah. 451 00:19:57,671 --> 00:20:00,174 Now look, I'll gone, all gone. 452 00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:02,042 Oh, how cute. 453 00:20:02,142 --> 00:20:04,144 Laura, Laura, you gotta help me get my thumbs back. 454 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:04,878 Hit me. 455 00:20:04,978 --> 00:20:06,113 Hit me and wake me up. 456 00:20:06,213 --> 00:20:07,614 Darling, I will hit you with pleasure, 457 00:20:07,715 --> 00:20:09,216 but it won't get you back your thumbs. 458 00:20:09,316 --> 00:20:10,284 Well, come on hit me. 459 00:20:10,384 --> 00:20:11,518 Hit me before grow another pair of eyes. 460 00:20:17,024 --> 00:20:21,328 Felt good, but they're still gone. 461 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,663 Oh, my. 462 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:25,799 All this exercise, I'm a little out of breath. 463 00:20:29,203 --> 00:20:30,070 What you doing? 464 00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:32,005 Getting a drink of fresh air. 465 00:20:37,678 --> 00:20:40,047 You're a Twiloite. 466 00:20:40,147 --> 00:20:45,886 Robert, do you know you have a stain on your tie? 467 00:20:45,986 --> 00:20:47,754 Yeah, Colak told me. 468 00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,590 How did you know? 469 00:20:49,690 --> 00:20:51,191 I do wish you wouldn't point. 470 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:54,261 It's so impolite. 471 00:20:54,361 --> 00:20:55,229 Laura. 472 00:20:55,329 --> 00:20:58,265 My name is not Laura, it's Lolack. 473 00:20:58,365 --> 00:21:01,835 Lolack of Twilo. 474 00:21:01,935 --> 00:21:03,670 I see you! 475 00:21:03,771 --> 00:21:04,905 Yuck! 476 00:21:09,343 --> 00:21:10,077 That's not possible. 477 00:21:10,177 --> 00:21:12,679 My eyes, don't touch my eyes. 478 00:21:12,779 --> 00:21:13,647 Oh no. 479 00:21:13,747 --> 00:21:15,783 I got-- I got to wake up. 480 00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:17,818 I got to get out of this nightmare. 481 00:21:17,918 --> 00:21:19,720 I got to wake up. 482 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:22,422 I got wake up. 483 00:21:22,523 --> 00:21:25,125 [laughter] 484 00:21:27,928 --> 00:21:30,497 I got to wake up! 485 00:21:30,597 --> 00:21:31,498 Ahh! 486 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:47,714 [alarm ringing] 487 00:21:47,814 --> 00:21:49,449 I gotta-- I gotta-- 488 00:21:49,550 --> 00:21:52,219 oh, oh, oh, wait. 489 00:21:52,319 --> 00:21:53,120 Wait. 490 00:21:53,220 --> 00:21:54,154 Wait. 491 00:21:56,089 --> 00:21:56,924 What are you doing here? 492 00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:58,158 What are you? 493 00:21:58,258 --> 00:21:59,826 I had a nightmare and fell out of bed. 494 00:21:59,927 --> 00:22:01,094 I heard a scream. 495 00:22:01,195 --> 00:22:02,429 Oh, I must have screamed. 496 00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:03,764 Oh, what a nightmare. 497 00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:05,999 What a night-- I dreamed that I was a Twiloite. 498 00:22:06,099 --> 00:22:08,101 And I lost my sense of humor and my thumbs. 499 00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,102 Oh! 500 00:22:11,471 --> 00:22:14,241 I dreamed that Danny Thomas was chasing me and throwing 501 00:22:14,341 --> 00:22:16,743 walnuts at me, and every place he hit me I'd lose the thumb 502 00:22:16,843 --> 00:22:18,078 and grow an eye. 503 00:22:20,614 --> 00:22:21,915 Oh, I wish it were morning. 504 00:22:22,015 --> 00:22:23,617 Do you wish it were morning? - Yeah. 505 00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:24,651 So scared. 506 00:22:24,751 --> 00:22:26,620 Oh, try and go get some sleep. 507 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,055 No, I'm just scared. 508 00:22:28,155 --> 00:22:30,991 I know you are, I can feel your trembling. 509 00:22:31,091 --> 00:22:32,492 Well what'll we do? 510 00:22:32,593 --> 00:22:33,560 I don't know. 511 00:22:33,660 --> 00:22:35,462 Sit here and twiddle our thumbs. 512 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:44,705 Rob? 513 00:22:44,805 --> 00:22:45,939 Hm. 514 00:22:46,039 --> 00:22:48,108 I can't sleep, can you? 515 00:22:48,208 --> 00:22:49,109 No. 516 00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:54,548 You want to watch some TV? 517 00:22:57,484 --> 00:22:59,820 Might as well. 518 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,088 OK. 519 00:23:01,188 --> 00:23:03,590 I'll see if I can get insomnia theater. 520 00:23:03,690 --> 00:23:06,593 Oh, good. 521 00:23:06,693 --> 00:23:08,028 [music playing] 522 00:23:08,128 --> 00:23:11,865 MAN ON TV: One, two, and there, one, two, and there. 523 00:23:11,965 --> 00:23:13,667 Who in the world does exercises 524 00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:14,868 at this time of night? 525 00:23:14,968 --> 00:23:16,103 This guy does. 526 00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:21,942 Darling, who's that good looking man with the beard? 527 00:23:22,042 --> 00:23:23,343 I don't know. 528 00:23:23,443 --> 00:23:25,646 MAN ON TV: Would you guess that there are 200,000 529 00:23:25,746 --> 00:23:27,648 bumblebees on this man's face? 530 00:23:27,748 --> 00:23:28,649 Oh! 531 00:23:32,419 --> 00:23:35,155 MAN ON TV: Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, and Dorothy Lamore 532 00:23:35,255 --> 00:23:36,657 in "The Road to Singapore." 533 00:23:36,757 --> 00:23:38,025 Well, that can't scare you much. 534 00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:41,395 MAN ON TV: That's tomorrow night at 2 o'clock. 535 00:23:41,495 --> 00:23:45,365 Now back to "The Werewolf From Outer Space." 536 00:23:45,465 --> 00:23:46,366 Oh! 537 00:23:49,503 --> 00:23:51,638 MAN ON TV: And now from a supine position 538 00:23:51,738 --> 00:23:59,713 starting with the right leg, and 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2-- 539 00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:09,556 [MUSIC - END THEME "THE 540 00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:11,758 DICK VAN DYKE SHOW"] 36166

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