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[theme song]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews and Mary Tyler Moore.
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We've been pacing like this for three hours now.
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If we don't come up with a sketch idea in about
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five minutes, let's go home.
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Good idea.
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Wait, I got it.
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What?
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Well, Alan thinks he's going crazy.
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He's sitting home and he keeps hearing a train.
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He looks all over, he can't see it.
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All of a sudden, his wife opens the door
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and in comes the train right into the living room.
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The bedroom?
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The bathroom?
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Hey, the whole city of New York breaks out in a rash.
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Good, good.
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And everybody starts to itch.
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Good.
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And Alan plays the doctor who comes up with a solution.
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He gets an airplane and--
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and he sprays the whole city with calamine lotion.
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Hold it, hold it.
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Listen to this.
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Listen to this.
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(SINGING) You took the part.
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I got one, so wasn't my heart.
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So why not-- why not take all of me?
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I just felt like singing.
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All right, all right.
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Lunchtime, lunchtime.
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What kind of lunchtime?
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It's 4:30.
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Dinnertime, dinnertime.
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You're a little late.
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I only got two hands.
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Here's your pastrami, just the way you like it.
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Not too fat, not to lean, mustard on the bottom, mustard
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on the top. - Willy.
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- Piece of lettuce-- - Willy.
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--just a small--
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Hold the commercial, will you?
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Look, you guys, we gotta come up with something that's surefire.
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Like what?
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Well, suppose that it's Alan's poker night--
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Yeah.
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--and his wife is also having a dinner party.
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Good.
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And the problem is to call her and convince
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her he has to work late.
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That's right.
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Yeah, but she wouldn't believe him because he's a bad liar.
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That's right.
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Somebody else has to call her, but who?
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Why don't he ask his boss and have him call?
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Got to be a complete stranger, somebody
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his wife doesn't even know.
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No, he could call himself and say his car broke down.
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No, I don't like that.
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Maybe I'm stupid, but I don't see why
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his boss can't call for him.
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Hey, we gotta get a new delicatessen.
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What's the matter?
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You haven't come up with a fresh idea in months.
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I only got two hands.
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Yeah, and you only got two feet.
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Why don't you use them? Get out of here.
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Now listen to me.
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Oh, leave him alone.
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[chuckles] I like her.
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Hey, I think I got the way we can do it.
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What?
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Alan, himself, calls his wife, but he
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just disguises his voice.
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Oh, come on, Rob.
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You couldn't tell me a wife wouldn't recognize
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her own husband's voice.
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Well, if he disguises it well enough,
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maybe he uses an accent or something.
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Oh, Rob, you're wrong.
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He's right.
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Hey, where'd he go?
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He's right.
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A guy can disguise his voice.
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Did you ever hear Lon Chaney, "The Man
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with the 1,000 Voices"?
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It was "A Man with a Thousand Faces".
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Eh, faces, voices, what's the difference?
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You guys are two particular, that's why your show stinks.
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Get outta here!
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I still say a guy could disguise
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his voice well enough that his wife wouldn't recognize him.
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And I say you're wrong and I'll prove it to you.
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Come with me.
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I'll call my wife.
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Guarantee she'll recognize it's my voice in one second.
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All right, but you gotta try and make it real now.
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I'll make it real, don't worry.
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I wanna get out of here too.
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(GERMAN ACCENT) Oh, guten tag, meine fraulein.
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(COMIC ACCENT) Is this the lady of the house?
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Stop screaming.
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How did I know you were taking a bath?
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You see?
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Yeah, he's right.
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It won't work.
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Well, no, not with that hokey, comic accent that he's using.
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You gotta make it a little bit subtle, make it sound real.
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Let me in there.
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- All right, be my guest. - Let me show you want I mean.
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You're gonna call Laura?
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Yeah, I'm gonna call Laura.
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I guarantee you, as well as she knows me and knows my voice,
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I'll fool her.
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Hello.
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) Hello, uh, Dr. Rossano, please.
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Who did you want?
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) Dr. Rossano.
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This is Dr. Bonnelli.
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Well, I'm afraid you have the wrong number.
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There's no Dr. Rossano here.
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) Oh, this is not New Rochelle Hospital?
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No, it isn't, but, uh, I could look it up for you.
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) Well, if it is not too much trouble.
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Not at all, doctor.
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I'm not doing anything.
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Oh, dolce far niente.
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Dolce far niente?
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) It means how sweet to do nothing.
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Dolce far niente, what a lovely phrase.
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) And you, you have a lovely voice.
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Well, thank you, Doctor.
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So do you.
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) What do you look like?
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Well, I--
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) Let me guess, may I?
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Well, you could try.
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) I would say you "walk in beauty,
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like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies.
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And all that's best of dark and bright
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meet in your aspect and your eyes".
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Oh, Doctor!
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That was beautiful.
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) Oh, tell me.
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Would you-- would you like to hear, "How Do I Love Thee"?
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By Wayne King?
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ROB PETRIE (ON PHONE): (ITALIAN ACCENT) Dare I call you again?
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Oh, please.
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I'd rather you wouldn't.
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(ITALIAN ACCENT) I will call you tomorrow at 2:00,
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carissima.
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[laughs] I told you.
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I told you that'd work.
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I fooled her completely.
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She fell for me.
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Me!
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Rob, you really think you fooled her?
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Of course, I did.
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Nah, she knows is was you.
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No, I tell you.
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I fooled her.
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She was entranced.
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You know something?
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You know what she thought?
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She thought that she was flirting
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with a complete stranger.
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[chuckles]
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Ah, you guys are right.
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Of course, she knew it was me all along.
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I mean, a husband couldn't-- couldn't fool his own wife.
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[chuckles]
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You guys, right.
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You were sure right.
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A man can't fool his own wife.
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Rob, you convinced me an hour and a half ago.
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But keep talking, maybe you'll convince
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yourself on your way home.
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Goodnight, Rob.
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Goodnight, Roberto.
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[laughs]
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Oh, that wife of mine.
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What a kidder, boy.
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She's so cute.
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I'm gonna kill her.
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Laura?
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Good evening, darling.
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I don't know what she meant by that.
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Hey, honey.
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What's this all about?
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We having guests for dinner?
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LAURA PETRIE: No.
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Well, what's the big occasion?
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LAURA PETRIE: Nothing, dear.
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I just felt romantic today.
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Romantic, a married woman and she-- hi.
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[chuckles] You sure look-- sure look beautiful.
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Thank you, darling.
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How was your day?
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Just marvelous.
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What ah-- what ah-- what'd you do?
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Oh, the usual, shopping, laundry,
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ran the mimeograph machine of PTA.
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Well, I guess that's the life of a housewife,
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nothing exciting ever happens. [chuckles]
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Oh, yeah?
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Well, you mean, uh-- you mean something exciting did happen?
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Mm-hmm.
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Well, come on, tell me.
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Well, I wasn't gonna tell you until after dinner,
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but darling, I bought some Armenian string cheese.
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I found it at a charming little continental restaurant.
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It's delicious.
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Taste it.
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And there's something else I did today.
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I prepared an authentic Italian dinner for you.
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Ita-- Italian?
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Mm-hmm.
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Why a-- why an Italian dinner all of a sudden?
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Well, I don't know, dear.
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It just came to me like any idea.
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I mean, after all, what inspired the radio?
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It just came to Marconi.
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Marconi, an Italian fellow, wasn't he?
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Yes.
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[phone rings]
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Never mind, darling, I'll get it.
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Hello.
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Millie, uh, listen.
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Rob and I are just about to have our dinner.
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Can I call you back?
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All right, bye-bye.
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Oh, darling, I am sorry.
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Were you expecting an important phone
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call or something?
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No, why?
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Why, I mean, the way you lunged at that phone.
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I always lunge that way.
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RITCHIE PETRIE: Hi, Daddy.
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Hey, Rich.
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Where you been hiding?
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In the bathtub.
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[laughs]
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When's Saturday, Daddy?
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Saturday, day after tomorrow.
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Good.
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Goodnight.
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Night.
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Goodnight, Mommy.
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Goodnight, dear.
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Oh, boy, only two more days.
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And then like you said, Mommy, dolce far niente.
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Dolce far niente?
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Oh, yes, that's an Italian phrase.
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It means, how sweet to do nothing.
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Isn't that cute?
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Yeah.
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Darling, would you open the wine?
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(SINGING) Dolce far niente.
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Dolce far niente.
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Niente--
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Dolce far niente.
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She never hums my phone calls.
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Garlic bread.
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Oh, we're, ah, really, really Italian, aren't we tonight?
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I hope you like it, carissima.
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[coughs]
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What is it?
270
00:12:18,079 --> 00:12:20,281
Rob, are you all right?
271
00:12:20,381 --> 00:12:21,248
Darling, are you sure?
272
00:12:21,348 --> 00:12:22,149
I'm positive.
273
00:12:22,249 --> 00:12:23,617
I'm positive, I'm fine.
274
00:12:26,253 --> 00:12:30,024
Boy, was that train crowded tonight.
275
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:33,761
I walked-- I had to walk back seven cars just to get a seat.
276
00:12:33,861 --> 00:12:36,464
I could have taken it 5:44 you know,
277
00:12:36,564 --> 00:12:38,499
but I figured I'd rather stand up than waste
278
00:12:38,599 --> 00:12:40,334
the 14 extra minutes.
279
00:12:40,434 --> 00:12:43,137
Even on the 5:44, I can-- you know, you can always get a seat
280
00:12:43,237 --> 00:12:45,139
on it because it's not very--
281
00:12:45,239 --> 00:12:49,810
[clears throat] Where did you ever hear the word carissima?
282
00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:50,945
Carissima?
283
00:12:51,045 --> 00:12:52,480
I don't know, dear, but I heard someone say it.
284
00:12:52,580 --> 00:12:54,381
Well, yeah, I know, but where?
285
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,516
Well, I don't remember, dar--
286
00:12:55,616 --> 00:12:56,450
Rob, what is it?
287
00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:57,752
You seem so jumpy.
288
00:12:57,852 --> 00:12:58,953
Well, I'm--
289
00:12:59,053 --> 00:13:00,020
I'm-- I'm very edgy.
290
00:13:00,121 --> 00:13:01,288
Well, why?
291
00:13:01,388 --> 00:13:03,924
Well, I've had a tough day at the office.
292
00:13:04,024 --> 00:13:05,860
Well, that wine, I--
293
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:06,694
I'm sorry, dear.
294
00:13:06,794 --> 00:13:09,130
Here, you sit down and relax.
295
00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:10,364
Watch some television.
296
00:13:10,464 --> 00:13:11,899
Dinner will be ready in just a minute.
297
00:13:23,978 --> 00:13:25,012
She put me on.
298
00:13:29,917 --> 00:13:33,454
She knows darn well who made that phone call.
299
00:13:33,554 --> 00:13:34,922
MAN (ON TV): All we can tell you panel,
300
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:37,691
is that the lady is married, she's a housewife
301
00:13:37,792 --> 00:13:39,293
and she's got a secret.
302
00:13:39,393 --> 00:13:40,528
Oh, boy.
303
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:58,479
[clacking of piano]
304
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:03,250
Dolce far niente.
305
00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:04,185
Morning, Rob.
306
00:14:04,285 --> 00:14:05,085
Hi.
307
00:14:05,186 --> 00:14:06,187
BUDDY SORRELL: Hi, Rob.
308
00:14:06,287 --> 00:14:07,721
Hey, listen, Rob.
309
00:14:07,822 --> 00:14:09,657
All we need is a few more jokes for the opening monologue
310
00:14:09,757 --> 00:14:10,925
and the whole show is written.
311
00:14:11,025 --> 00:14:12,459
And Buddy came up with a beaut. Tell him.
312
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,928
Yeah, yeah, see if you like this.
313
00:14:14,028 --> 00:14:16,797
Alan plays a mad bird scientist and he crosses a homing
314
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,365
pigeon with a woodpecker.
315
00:14:18,465 --> 00:14:20,467
The bird doesn't only deliver the message,
316
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,136
it knocks on the door.
317
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,040
Cute, huh?
318
00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:28,475
What do you think?
319
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,911
I think that she didn't even know it was me.
320
00:14:31,011 --> 00:14:32,746
She didn't say anything about a phone call.
321
00:14:32,847 --> 00:14:34,482
Are you still harping on that bit?
322
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,083
Oh, come on, Rob.
323
00:14:36,183 --> 00:14:38,185
She's teasing you because she thought you were teasing her.
324
00:14:38,285 --> 00:14:39,453
She knows it's you.
325
00:14:39,553 --> 00:14:40,955
She thought it was him.
326
00:14:41,055 --> 00:14:42,356
That's what she wants you to think.
327
00:14:42,456 --> 00:14:43,624
She knows is was you.
328
00:14:43,724 --> 00:14:45,559
You trying to tell me about her?
329
00:14:45,659 --> 00:14:47,361
You may know you, but you don't know her.
330
00:14:47,461 --> 00:14:49,697
She thought it was him.
331
00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:51,765
Well, I know her and I know you.
332
00:14:51,866 --> 00:14:53,968
And I'm telling you, she knows it's you.
333
00:14:54,068 --> 00:14:55,703
What, you think you know about us?
334
00:14:55,803 --> 00:14:57,371
But I am part of us and I don't know her.
335
00:14:57,471 --> 00:14:58,839
But I know her better than you know her,
336
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:02,910
and I tell you that she thought it was him and not me.
337
00:15:03,010 --> 00:15:05,079
I like the way your eyes light up when you go crazy.
338
00:15:08,148 --> 00:15:10,718
Rob, if you're in such doubt, why don't you pick up a phone.
339
00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:12,152
Call her up and ask her.
340
00:15:12,253 --> 00:15:13,654
I can't do that.
341
00:15:13,754 --> 00:15:15,956
If I call her up, naturally she's gonna say it was me.
342
00:15:16,056 --> 00:15:18,559
She's not gonna admit that she was flirting with someone else.
343
00:15:18,659 --> 00:15:20,160
[snaps fingers] I know what to do.
344
00:15:20,261 --> 00:15:21,562
ROB PETRIE: What?
345
00:15:21,662 --> 00:15:23,330
Make like that Dr. Bonnelli again on the phone.
346
00:15:23,430 --> 00:15:25,065
Call Laura and ask her for a date.
347
00:15:25,165 --> 00:15:26,600
Then if she says, yes or no, you'll
348
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,668
know one way or the other.
349
00:15:27,768 --> 00:15:29,203
Are you crazy?
350
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,772
Now that would be the meanest thing I could possibly do,
351
00:15:31,872 --> 00:15:34,775
carry on with that stupid practical joke.
352
00:15:34,875 --> 00:15:38,379
I don't know why I ever started it in the first place.
353
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:42,316
I am gonna call her right now and I'm gonna apologize.
354
00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:43,550
That's what I'll do.
355
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:44,785
I've let this thing go on long enough.
356
00:15:44,885 --> 00:15:47,655
I've got to put an end to it.
357
00:15:47,755 --> 00:15:49,523
I feel like such a nut.
358
00:15:49,623 --> 00:15:50,958
I've got to tell her the truth.
359
00:15:51,058 --> 00:15:53,260
LAURA PETRIE (ON PHONE): Hello?
360
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,529
Hello?
361
00:15:55,629 --> 00:15:56,997
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Hello, carissima.
362
00:15:59,466 --> 00:16:00,868
It is Dr. Bonnelli.
363
00:16:00,968 --> 00:16:01,936
Oh.
364
00:16:02,036 --> 00:16:02,836
Who is it?
365
00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:04,138
Shh.
366
00:16:04,238 --> 00:16:05,139
Hello, Doctor.
367
00:16:05,239 --> 00:16:06,040
Doctor, who?
368
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:07,341
Millie!
369
00:16:07,441 --> 00:16:09,443
(ITALIAN ACCENT) What have you been doing, carissima?
370
00:16:09,543 --> 00:16:14,548
Well, life's the same for your carissima, dull as usual.
371
00:16:14,648 --> 00:16:15,516
Whose carissima's dull?
372
00:16:15,616 --> 00:16:17,284
Millie!
373
00:16:17,384 --> 00:16:18,619
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Dull?
374
00:16:18,719 --> 00:16:21,455
I mean, a woman of your charm so, so vibrant,
375
00:16:21,555 --> 00:16:23,857
so full of the love of life.
376
00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:25,926
You're very perceptive, Doctor.
377
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,330
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Please, um, call me, Berno.
378
00:16:29,430 --> 00:16:30,664
Berno?
379
00:16:30,764 --> 00:16:33,200
Berno, what an enchanting name.
380
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:34,401
Ooh, yeah.
381
00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:35,636
Millie!
382
00:16:38,572 --> 00:16:39,840
What was that, Berno?
383
00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:41,642
(ITALIAN ACCENT) I said, uh, and what--
384
00:16:41,742 --> 00:16:43,410
what shall I call you?
385
00:16:43,510 --> 00:16:46,914
Oh, carissima's fine.
386
00:16:47,014 --> 00:16:49,717
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Carissima, are you married?
387
00:16:49,817 --> 00:16:53,354
Would it make a difference?
388
00:16:53,454 --> 00:16:54,254
(ITALIAN ACCENT) No, I--
389
00:16:54,355 --> 00:16:55,289
I suppose not.
390
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,757
Then why ask the question?
391
00:17:02,029 --> 00:17:03,731
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Carissima.
392
00:17:03,831 --> 00:17:05,299
Carissima, I must see you.
393
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:08,369
I must see you this afternoon for-- for cocktails,
394
00:17:08,469 --> 00:17:10,704
the Casa Marie at 4:00.
395
00:17:10,804 --> 00:17:14,942
I'm sorry, but I can't be there.
396
00:17:15,042 --> 00:17:17,044
I could make it at 4:30 though.
397
00:17:21,382 --> 00:17:24,752
(ITALIAN ACCENT) That-- that-- that would be just fine.
398
00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:27,821
Arrivederci.
399
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:30,491
Arrivederci-- who was that?
400
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,458
Huh?
401
00:17:31,558 --> 00:17:32,693
Oh, that was Rob.
402
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:38,665
What's the matter, Rob?
403
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:41,368
You OK?
404
00:17:41,468 --> 00:17:43,037
She's-- she's putting me on.
405
00:17:43,137 --> 00:17:48,075
[chuckles] She just put me on, that's all.
406
00:17:48,175 --> 00:17:51,311
Wait, she-- she-- she accepted a date and that's not like her.
407
00:17:51,412 --> 00:17:53,714
I mean, she'd never do anything like that.
408
00:17:53,814 --> 00:17:56,116
She's just-- she's just kidding me.
409
00:17:56,216 --> 00:17:58,619
I played a practical joke on her and she's paying me back.
410
00:17:58,719 --> 00:17:59,553
I deserve it.
411
00:17:59,653 --> 00:18:00,487
You know something?
412
00:18:00,587 --> 00:18:02,756
I deserve that.
413
00:18:02,856 --> 00:18:04,992
Well, let's, uh, finish up this work.
414
00:18:05,092 --> 00:18:07,261
We'll do it no time, then we'll knock off early.
415
00:18:07,361 --> 00:18:08,195
How early, Rob?
416
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:10,998
Say about 4:30?
417
00:18:11,098 --> 00:18:12,299
Come on.
418
00:18:12,399 --> 00:18:13,801
You don't really think she's gonna go down to that bar.
419
00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:15,369
No, I don't, but you do.
420
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:18,972
Look, even if she didn't know that that was me on the phone,
421
00:18:19,073 --> 00:18:22,209
she'd never would meet a strange man in a strange bar.
422
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,711
I would.
423
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:28,215
Come on, you guys, that's enough.
424
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:29,450
Let's get to work.
425
00:18:29,550 --> 00:18:33,887
Um, Rob, suppose Laura shows up at the bar at 4:30.
426
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,756
She won't, there's not a chance.
427
00:18:35,856 --> 00:18:37,658
Well, just suppose she does.
428
00:18:37,758 --> 00:18:38,959
Then she'll be stood up.
429
00:18:39,059 --> 00:18:40,894
Look, she will not be stood up because she
430
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:42,129
is not gonna be there.
431
00:18:42,229 --> 00:18:44,264
Now she is my wife and I know her.
432
00:18:44,364 --> 00:18:46,233
I don't know why I've carried this ridiculous thing
433
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:47,267
on as long as I have.
434
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:48,769
I should have told her a long time ago
435
00:18:48,869 --> 00:18:50,137
and told her the truth.
436
00:18:50,237 --> 00:18:52,906
Believe me, when I get home tonight,
437
00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:55,342
I'm gonna explain the whole ridiculous thing to her.
438
00:18:55,442 --> 00:18:57,945
Boy, she's gonna give it to you pretty good, Rob.
439
00:18:58,045 --> 00:18:58,979
Oh, no, not Laura.
440
00:18:59,079 --> 00:19:01,982
She won't say a word for months.
441
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:22,302
Charming, charming, charming.
442
00:19:25,105 --> 00:19:26,373
Honey?
443
00:19:26,473 --> 00:19:28,175
Honey?
444
00:19:28,275 --> 00:19:29,209
Laura?
445
00:19:32,012 --> 00:19:34,481
Hey, Ritchie?
446
00:19:34,581 --> 00:19:37,117
Ritchie, where's Mamma?
447
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:41,021
[inaudible] that's [inaudible] shopping [inaudible]..
448
00:19:52,699 --> 00:19:55,169
Dr. Bonnelli, I'll kill him!
449
00:19:55,269 --> 00:19:57,471
Oh, it can't be.
450
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,907
Look, when a man comes home to see his wife
451
00:20:00,007 --> 00:20:02,042
with beautiful flowers, the least she could
452
00:20:02,142 --> 00:20:04,478
is be here to greet him.
453
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:07,281
Now Millie, is Laura over there?
454
00:20:07,381 --> 00:20:08,682
Were she--
455
00:20:08,782 --> 00:20:12,052
[growls] Um, well, I'm sorry.
456
00:20:12,152 --> 00:20:15,556
Chew some gum, your eye drum will pop back.
457
00:20:15,656 --> 00:20:16,890
Where have you been?
458
00:20:16,990 --> 00:20:18,559
Where have I been?
459
00:20:18,659 --> 00:20:20,360
Well, I asked you first.
460
00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:21,461
Where have you been?
461
00:20:21,562 --> 00:20:23,197
And what are you doing wearing that dress?
462
00:20:23,297 --> 00:20:25,933
I had a date, that's what I'm doing wearing that dress.
463
00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:28,669
Isn't that the dress I bought you and--
464
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:29,603
and--
465
00:20:29,703 --> 00:20:30,504
And what?
466
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,039
Well, I'd-- I'd--
467
00:20:32,139 --> 00:20:35,843
I'd-- I'd-- I don't think it's right for you to wear that
468
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,611
dress when I'm not with you.
469
00:20:37,711 --> 00:20:39,046
And where were ya?
470
00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:41,515
I was where I was supposed to be, at Casa Maria.
471
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,985
Uh-huh, waiting for Dr. Bonnelli, I presume.
472
00:20:52,726 --> 00:20:57,130
[chuckles] Boy-- boy, did I fool you!
473
00:20:57,231 --> 00:20:59,032
Rob, why did you stand me up?
474
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:01,134
I didn't stand you up.
475
00:21:01,235 --> 00:21:04,438
Dr. Bon-- who knew you'd go there.
476
00:21:09,543 --> 00:21:10,510
Honey, I am sorry.
477
00:21:14,014 --> 00:21:15,115
Will you sit down for just a minute?
478
00:21:15,215 --> 00:21:18,218
I'd like to try and explain.
479
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:20,654
Here, I brought you flowers, your favorite red ones
480
00:21:20,754 --> 00:21:21,688
and the others.
481
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:27,461
Ha, we-- just sit down for a minute.
482
00:21:27,561 --> 00:21:28,528
Will you, honey?
483
00:21:36,103 --> 00:21:38,338
Now let me try--
484
00:21:38,438 --> 00:21:40,974
honey, it was just a silly mistake.
485
00:21:41,074 --> 00:21:42,776
It all started out in the office.
486
00:21:42,876 --> 00:21:44,745
It was an experiment for a sketch.
487
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:47,714
We just wanted to see if a guy could disguise his voice
488
00:21:47,814 --> 00:21:50,083
and his wife wouldn't recognize him.
489
00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:52,786
Now honey, before I got a chance to explain to you,
490
00:21:52,886 --> 00:21:58,825
it got out of hand and it became an ugly, ugly practical joke.
491
00:21:58,925 --> 00:22:02,095
And I'm sorry and I apologize.
492
00:22:02,195 --> 00:22:06,199
Honey, I-- I don't blame you for not jumping to forgive me.
493
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,302
I'm not even asking you to forgive me.
494
00:22:08,402 --> 00:22:11,405
I'm not even asking you to be nice to me.
495
00:22:11,505 --> 00:22:14,408
I'm just asking you to let me live here.
496
00:22:21,014 --> 00:22:22,249
Oh, boy, honey.
497
00:22:22,349 --> 00:22:23,917
I mean, it was such a relief to find out you
498
00:22:24,017 --> 00:22:26,887
knew it was me right from the beginning.
499
00:22:26,987 --> 00:22:29,022
You knew it was me right away, didn't you?
500
00:22:29,122 --> 00:22:32,559
[chuckles]
501
00:22:33,694 --> 00:22:37,097
I mean, didn't you know it was me right away?
502
00:22:37,197 --> 00:22:39,366
Honey, [clears throat] as long as I'm all dressed up
503
00:22:39,466 --> 00:22:41,969
and Ritchie's over at Millie's why don't we go to that
504
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:44,204
Italian restaurant for dinner?
505
00:22:44,304 --> 00:22:46,573
Uh, you're not going to tell me, huh?
506
00:22:46,673 --> 00:22:49,176
No, maybe that way it'll teach you not
507
00:22:49,276 --> 00:22:51,078
to play practical jokes on me.
508
00:22:51,178 --> 00:22:53,380
Well, honey, it was just an experiment.
509
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,216
We just called to see if a wife recognizes his voice.
510
00:22:56,316 --> 00:22:58,785
Now come on, you knew it was me right away, didn't you?
511
00:22:58,885 --> 00:23:02,022
[chuckles]
512
00:23:02,556 --> 00:23:03,490
Sure you did.
513
00:23:06,827 --> 00:23:09,329
Well, Millie, you should have seen Rob's face.
514
00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:12,165
He looks so cute when he's insanely jealous.
515
00:23:12,265 --> 00:23:14,267
Well, I don't imagine he'll play that joke again.
516
00:23:14,368 --> 00:23:15,001
I know.
517
00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:16,536
[phone rings]
518
00:23:16,636 --> 00:23:17,971
If Jerry did that to me, boy, would I let him have it.
519
00:23:18,071 --> 00:23:22,242
[laughs] Hello.
520
00:23:22,342 --> 00:23:24,044
Just a minute, please.
521
00:23:24,144 --> 00:23:24,978
It's Rob.
522
00:23:25,078 --> 00:23:26,613
He's doing it again.
523
00:23:26,713 --> 00:23:27,948
This time he's Hungarian.
524
00:23:28,048 --> 00:23:31,018
Well, give it to him good.
525
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:35,555
Hello, you have the wrong number, but who cares.
526
00:23:35,655 --> 00:23:39,126
You have a charming voice and an adorable accent.
527
00:23:39,226 --> 00:23:44,798
I bet you're a tall, handsome and a wonderful--
528
00:23:44,898 --> 00:23:45,799
tell me something.
529
00:23:45,899 --> 00:23:47,901
Do you like my voice?
530
00:23:48,001 --> 00:23:50,170
I thought you would.
531
00:23:50,270 --> 00:23:52,506
What's your name?
532
00:23:52,606 --> 00:23:55,375
Laszlo, that is Hungarian, isn't it?
533
00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:56,777
Mm-hmm.
534
00:23:56,877 --> 00:24:00,714
Laszlo, would you like to come to my house for dinner tonight?
535
00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:03,517
Well, don't worry, I'll get rid of my husband.
536
00:24:03,617 --> 00:24:05,085
Well, the quickest way to get here
537
00:24:05,185 --> 00:24:07,421
is to hop into your little car and drive over
538
00:24:07,521 --> 00:24:09,589
to the West Side Highway at--
539
00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:16,963
how dare you, sir.
540
00:24:17,064 --> 00:24:19,232
Don't you ever call this number again!
541
00:24:22,803 --> 00:24:23,603
That wasn't you?
542
00:24:23,703 --> 00:24:25,005
No, this is me.
543
00:24:25,105 --> 00:24:29,076
Well, Rob, I thought that was you just fooling around again.
544
00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:30,610
- Come here. - Why?
545
00:24:30,710 --> 00:24:32,546
MILLIE HELPER: Rob, she really thought you were kidding.
546
00:24:32,646 --> 00:24:33,513
Yes.
547
00:24:33,613 --> 00:24:34,981
Rob, there's no reason to get angry.
548
00:24:35,081 --> 00:24:36,383
She thought that was you on the phone.
549
00:24:36,483 --> 00:24:37,651
She thought you were continuing that--
550
00:24:37,751 --> 00:24:39,686
Rob, if you're gonna fight and be angry,
551
00:24:39,786 --> 00:24:42,022
you're just being childish.
552
00:24:42,122 --> 00:24:43,857
Rob, please, try to understand.
553
00:24:43,957 --> 00:24:45,258
Do you understand?
554
00:24:45,358 --> 00:24:47,394
I guess he understands.
555
00:24:51,097 --> 00:24:54,601
[theme song]
38368
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