All language subtitles for 12 - The Sound of the Trumpets of Conscience Falls Deafly on a Brain That Holds its tears

[theme music] ANNOUNCER:
"The Dick Van Dyke Show,"

starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.

Hey, Sally, Sally. A man and lady
held up a jewelry store. Yeah.

They got away with $50,000 worth of stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.

BUDDY SORRELL: And there were hundreds of people
all around, hit it in broad daylight. Yeah, yeah.

Why are you giving me, yeah, yeah, yeah,
and smiling? What's the punch line?

The whole world is waiting for a punch
line. It's the truth. It really happened.

A couple just held up a jewelry store on the
corner. You're kidding. You mean Miller's?

- Yeah. - Well, did they get away? I told you, they
snuck up the back of him and hit him in the head.

He didn't even see who it was. Well, how do
they know there were two of them? I don't know.

Maybe he had two bumps on his head.

Buddy, if you're setting me up for a joke,
I'm gonna kill you. I swear it's the truth.

All the people that saw them said there was man and
lady running down the street, carrying a black bag.

Wow, is Mr. Miller all right?
Yeah, I guess his head's all right.

But he must be suffering from an awful pain
in the cash register. Why I don't know.

Ever since I've been eating in, I miss all the good accidents.

Boy, you should've been there, what excitement, cops

and detectives all over the place, looking
for clues, and looking for witnesses.

As a matter of fact, the police asked for my cooperation.
Really? Yeah, they asked me to move along.

- Hi, gang. - Hi, Rob. Hi, Rob. Did you hear
about the couple who held up the jewelry store?

Buddy, that's an old joke. Oh, what's the use? I
told you the whole world's waiting for a punch line.

I'm sorry I'm a little bit late,
but I had to go to the cleaners.

I was going through the parking lot, and a man and a woman

come running through there not looking where
they're going and knocked me right on my ear.

They got grease all over my jacket. I can't get
it out. A man and the woman, running? Yeah.

When'd this happen? About a half hour ago.
Were they carrying a little black bag.

Yeah, how did you know? What's the matter? Rob,
there are eight million stories in the Naked City,

and I think you're one of them.

Rob, you wanna call the police? Well,
if they're the same people, and I saw them,

I gotta call the police I guess.
That's right.

Operator, can you give me the
police, please? Oh, just a second.

Would you consider this to be an emergency? I
don't know. Police already know about it. Yeah.

Operator, you have to classify this as after an
emergency. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Oh. What is it?

Yeah, Canal. OK. Thank you very much, Operator.
Boy, I'm sure glad I didn't see those two people.

Why? Once I witnessed an accident. It was
a car and a fruit truck, and like a jerk

I went and reported it. Boy, I'll never
make that mistake again. SALLY ROGERS: Why?

One of the guys turns out to be a nut, and he
keeps threatening me all week long, calls,

you know, on the phone. You better get out of my
way or I'll run you over with my fruit truck.

Yeah, but he didn't. Did he?
No, he didn't. But he got me scared.

Now every time I see a fruit truck, I break out in hives.

Well, I still say it's better to close
your eyes to those kind of things. Yeah.

But sometimes after you see something,
you can't close your eyes good.

Yeah, you talk to my aunt Agnes about that.
Why should I talk to your aunt Agnes?

Because it happened to her. She once identified
a guy as a car thief and had him arrested.

BUDDY SORRELL: Well, she did right.
SALLY ROGERS: No, she did wrong because it

turned out to be his own car,
and she was sued for false arrest.

BUDDY SORRELL: I guess, my mother was right. She says
identify nobody. Forget it, you know, because what

if they turn out to really be the
real crooks, and they come back.

Oh, right, finished, caput.
Who needs it? BUDDY SORRELL: Sure.

Well, they've gotta be too hasty.

SALLY ROGERS: What's the matter,
Ralph, did we scare you? Well, no.

Why get the police all excited about it?
They may have not even been the robbers.

Oh, it must have been them. And if I
saw people running down the street even,

it's my responsibility to call the police and tell
them. Yeah, that's right, Rob, at least that's

what I learned in civics. Poor Mr. Miller
down there with books on his head,

he's out $50,000 dollars. Yeah, I know.
He's probably got all kinds of insurance.

ROBERT PETRIE: Yeah, that's right. He's probably
insured for that. He won't be out anything.

The insurance company will pay all that. And the
insurance company won't be out anything because they'll

raise our premiums.

There's a good reason to call right there.
There's no way around it.

I gotta call the police and talk to them.
You know he's right, Buddy.

Hello, honey. Honey, to a cop. LAURA PETRIE (ON
PHONE): Rob, I'm glad you called. I'm stuck.

I don't know what to fix for dinner. What do you feel
like? Chicken. LAURA PETRIE (ON PHONE): Chicken.

Gosh, not really, honey, I'm just joking. What
do you mean? Did you hear about the two people

who robbed the jewelry store?
Oh, and chicken's the punch line.

No, honey, it's not a joke. Listen to me.
Two people robbed Miller's jewelry store,

and I am the only witness. I have to call
the police about it. Rob, do you have to?

Well, sure I do, honey. It's my responsibility.
But won't you have to go down and identify them

in one of those police lineups? I don't know.
Listen. Can they see you when you see them?

I don't think so. I think the criminals
are in the light and the audience is dark.

I don't think they can see you.
Well, sit in the back anyway.

And listen, why don't you ask them if
they have one of those two way mirrors?

Well, honey, police stations don't have
those. Those are for spies. Yeah, they do.

I saw it on, "the Defenders" Look. Just stop worrying.
Rob, be careful. I will, honey, don't worry.

I'll talk to you later. LAURA PETRIE (ON PHONE):
OK. - Bye. LAURA PETRIE (ON PHONE): Bye.

Yeah, she's also [inaudible].

I don't know. Just a minute.

I tell you, I didn't do it.

Take it easy on yourself.
Every two bit heist that comes up, I get

pulled in for the lineup. I'm innocent. Sure you
are. I'm innocent. I'm telling you I'm innocent.

All right, buster, if you're
innocent, you'll be out in a minute.

Kind of a rough place you got here. Can I help you?
What's in that room? Oh, that's the lineup room.

Oh, that's one of the identifiers.
That's right. Hey, he took your gun.

No, I keep that locked up in here. Oh, why do you do
that? Well, we deal with all kinds of people here.

Yeah, like buster in there. You know, this is
the first time I ever was in a police station.

Can I help you? Oh, yeah. I would like to report a
witnessing. A what? I'd like to report a robbery.

NELSON: Oh. Not a robbery, the escaping from the
scene there of. I witnessed the running away from--

I'm Robert Petrie. I phoned in.
I'm a witness, sir. Oh, yes.

Mr. Petrie, the jewelry store, I'll get Lt. Yarnell.
Have a seat. Make yourself at home. Oh, thank you.

[music playing]

Mr. Petrie.

I was just checking them out, mister.

My fingerprints are all over those guns.
I better warn you about--

Would you please remove your hat, sir?

I didn't fool with that. I didn't touch that at all.
Mr. Petrie, Lt. Yarnell will be right with you.

Why don't you sit down? We have to get
some preliminary information here. Yeah.

Boy, you sure got some great stuff around here.
Hey, could I look at that gun. Can I trust you?

Whoa.

Oh, that's a mean baby, isn't it?
.40, .45, huh? No, that's a .38.

Oh, yeah, better heft for your purpose.
Is that P-E-T-R-I-E? Yeah. P, Petrie.

Next of kin. Why do you have to know that?
It's just a formality. Laura, my wife.

And you live in-- New Rochelle. NELSON: Now,
Mr. Petrie, as close as possible at what time

did you encounter the alleged suspects? It was about
1 o'clock. It was in a parking lot. I don't care.

[interposing voices] OFFICER: All right.
Quiet down, buster.

Then you actually didn't see the crime committed?
I actually didn't see the crime committed, no.

I'm sorry, I couldn't have been a little
more helpful to you. LT. YARNELL: Mr. Petrie

Oh, I just got here. Yarnell. Oh. Thank you very
much for coming down, sir. Well, you're welcome.

We appreciate your cooperation.
Well, I was just trying to do my duty.

Why you would be surprised how many people fail to
do their duty. How many? We don't actually know.

But we do know that if there were more people like
you with your courage and sense of responsibility,

we'd solve a lot more crimes.
Well, you can count on me, Lieutenant.

Good, Now, Mr. Petrie, since you're the only witness,
it's very important that you give us as accurate

a description as possible.
Any little detail could be a big help.

I understand that. Take this down, Nelson.
All right, Chief. Well, the man was--

was wearing a, uh, I think a dark suit
and dark shoes. LT. YARNELL: Dark shoes?

Well, they were dark brown or dark black.

He was tall. I say tall in comparison
with the woman who was short.

She was short in comparison to the man who is tall.

Well, I mean, you realize that the term
tall is relative. About how tall was he?

About 6' 1", that's running.

Running? Well, yes, a man's running height is different
than his standing height. Gee, it all depends.

I don't remember whether he was running,
you know, in a crouched position like this,

which it would mean he was probably taller
than 6' 1". Or if he'd been running like that,

it would probably mean he was much taller than 6'
1". Oh, I remember pretty well that he was tall.

Did see him just standing, bud. Yes, I did.
How much taller was he than you? Four feet.

LT. YARNELL: Four feet.

See, the only time I saw standing was when he
knocked me down. I was looking up at him like that.

It was about four feet. Let's just say, 6' 1", running.
Yeah. What was his color? Red? Was it his hair?

No, no, his face, he was very overheated
from running. How about his partner?

Lieutenant, in the interest of accuracy,
I couldn't say that it was his partner.

They were just running together.
Can you describe her?

Well, as I said she was wearing a green-- green
dress. How was she built? Just, great, great.

Can you be a little more specific? Well, I mean
she had great legs. LT. YARNELL: Mr. Petrie.

Well, see, I was on the ground.
That's all I could see of them.

Anything else? Well, she had a very deep, sexy
voice. You spoke to her? No, no, I didn't exactly.

She spoke to me. She said thank you. LT. YARNELL: Thank
you. - Yeah. You see, when they knocked me down,

they dropped their black bag. And I gave it
back. I shouldn't have done that. I'll bet.

Did she say anything else? No, then they
took the bag, and she said, come on, Frank.

Let's run. Frank, his name was Frank. Put that down.
That's probably important. As long as you remember.

Phone there. Thank you. Nelson, well, they'll
be right in. They're ready for you, Lieutenant.

Mr. Petrie, we've rounded up a number of known criminals

who were in the vicinity at the time of the
robbery. We'd like you to take a look at them.

Take a look at them, how? What we're you-- In a
lineup. Oh, in the room. Why, I'd be glad to.

Criminology sure has come a long way, hasn't it?
It must be interesting looking at those guys

through those two way mirrors. Yes, those
mirrors are marvelous. You have one of those?

No, I saw it on, "the Defenders." Oh. We still have
the same old fashion lineup. [interposing voices]

Yeah, I'm gonna get you when I get
out, right through the eyes.

Did you hear when he said he's gonna get me? Police
protection, I'll get you with the police protection

right through the eyes. Right through
the eyes, boy. You dirty stoolie!

Well, Mr. Petrie, shall we do a little identifying?
Say, Lieutenant, I know this is gonna sound silly,

but I promised my wife I'd sit in the back. [music
playing] Honey, you have no idea how many gangster

couples there are in this city. I must
have looked at 20 mall and thug couples.

I felt like we were in a Jimmy Cagney movie or something.
I spent the whole afternoon worrying about you.

And you talk like you had fun. ROBERT PETRIE:
There'll be no fun until the file on this case

is stamped closed. So actually you
couldn't identify any of them, huh?

No, we tried to get a make on them. We waited
a few, and we came up empty. Oh, right.

That's the way they talk down at headquarters.
Darling, this is not cops and robbers.

Yes, it is cops and robbers, honey, but it's the real thing.

You know, it's not often that a man gets a chance
to really test his inner self. And I don't know.

It makes me kind of proud. I had to put
myself in jeopardy today, and I did it.

And it makes me feel good. Well, it doesn't make
me feel too good. Well, honey, don't worry.

I was a very cooperative witness
today, but I was also a rotten one.

Based on my testimony, I'll never catch those
crooks. I'm not in much jeopardy really.

I don't believe you. No, honest,
honey, they took me back upstairs.

And I bet I looked through 100 mug shots. I didn't
recognize one mug. And then he brought in the artist,

and he drew a likeness of the suspects from my
description. Well, that's being very helpful.

Are you kidding? Do you wanna see what
they got from my description? You see.

He gave it to me for Ritchie as a souvenir. What
do you think? It looks like Broderick Crawford.

Doesn't it? They say they get a lot of Broderick
Crawfords. Actually, you were useless, huh?

But courageous. Well,
I'm happy to say that's part of my makeup.

Well, I'm just glad this whole thing is
over. Well, I am too. But I don't know.

In a way, I wish I could've been a little more helpful
to them. Well, I am delighted that you weren't.

Honey, that is not a very good attitude to have.
Rob, you did much more than most people would.

No, I did not. Some people have good
memories. They remember little details.

I didn't even get the license plate off their Edsel.

They had an Edsel. You saw them drive an Edsel?
A red Edsel. I think you're back in jeopardy.

How could I forget a fire engine red Edsel?
There's only one thing to do.

No, Rob, don't. Honey, I have got to. I can't
withhold information like that. Yes, you can. Honey.

Darling, let's analyze. Analyze what?
What do you actually remember, a red Edsel.

There must be thousands of red
Edsels running around somewhere.

There may be, but I bet there's only one red Edsel

running around with bumper stickers that
say I like Ike and visit Carlsbad Caverns.

LAURA PETRIE: Would you stop remembering?
And white sidewall tires.

Oh, look, Rob, maybe I've just seen too many movies.

But the whole time you were down at that police lineup,
I kept picturing some thug looking at you saying,

I'll get you for this. I'll get you for this. And I
just don't want some thug running around planning

to get you for that.
Honey, I've just heard enough out of you.

Now I got enough residual scaredness
left in here from my last trip downtown.

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta to do.
And so do I. Honey, will you stop pacing

it's been three hours since I called.
It couldn't have been very good evidence.

They haven't arrested anybody yet. Three hours,
good heavens. Ritchie, Rich, come on in.

He's out there telling everyone in the
neighborhood about his father, the hero.

Well, then it's all worthwhile. There's nothing
more important than setting the right example

for your child. Hey, Rich, come here, buddy. I
haven't seen you all day. How are you, pal? Fine.

Did you tell everybody about Daddy? Yeah, I told them.
Did you show them the picture the policeman drew?

Yeah. Ritchie, do you feel all right?
Yeah. Hey, I think I know what it is.

He told everybody the story, and nobody
believes that Daddy's a hero. That's all.

Uh-huh. ROBERT PETRIE: They're jealous.
They say you're a fink.

A fink. Ritchie, you apologize. Your daddy
is not a fink. Thank you. It wasn't me.

They all say that anyone that squeals
is a fink. How do you like that?

Kids today, I go out and risk my
life, and they all say I'm a fink.

The only thing your father is is a very good
citizen, someone you should be proud of.

But he snitched.
I did not snitch, Rich. I witnessed.

There's a big difference between snitching and
witnessing. Rich, you may not be old enough now

to realize it unfortunately. But, well,
it doesn't make any difference now

what kid threw the ball through the window
or what kid took the last piece of cake.

And I wouldn't want you to be the one to point him
out either. But, Ritchie, when people get bigger,

the things they do wrong get bigger. And very
often they just can't be allowed to continue

doing the wrong things they do.
That's why I had to go to the police.

Those people were criminals, Rich, real bad guys.
You mean, it's not like telling on a friend?

That's right, Rich. If somebody steals
something, or if somebody hurts somebody,

and you know about it, you have to tell. You
understand that? I think so. You see, Rich.

Your daddy is a very smart man. He's just taught
you-- well, he's taught us both something

that the grownups should know but very often
don't. Do you know what that is? Uh-huh.

That Daddy isn't a fink. I'll get it. Was he real
tough? Oh, Rich, they just seemed tough really.

Then you're really a hero. Well,
not a hero. Just let's say a good citizen.

LAURA PETRIE: Just a minute, please.
Rob, it's the police. Yarnell?

Well, looks like they want your old dad for some
more help down at the police station, Rich.

Hello. Oh, hi, Lt. Yarnell. No, no bother at all.
Listen, I told you. I'm ready any time you need me.

You need me. Rob, what is it? Just a second, honey,
they've gotta have my face and his face together.

I'll be right down there, Lieutenant.
Thank you, bye. Oh, boy, can I go?

No, Ritchie, you go next door to Aunt Millie's, and
tell her where Mommy and Daddy are. I'll be going.

Oh, boy, I'll tell her Daddy isn't a fink too.

Honey, you don't have to go down there with
me. I know. Well, nothing's gonna to happen.

I know that too. I just wanna be there when it
doesn't. Talk about one of those days, officer.

Oh, what luck. Of all the guys I have to bump up into
a parking lot, I have to bump into a good citizen.

Hey, hey. Mr. Petrie. Lieutenant Gusteau's sitting
right there. Yes, yes, I know. Here this way.

Honey, he's not handcuffed.

She didn't see anything. She's not involved in
this. Mr. Petrie, we believe that this man--

Wait just a minute. I wanna be sure.
I'm sure. That's the man. Lock him up.

Mr. Petrie, he knocked you down, but he didn't
rob the jewelry store. You mean, I told you.

I wasn't sure they were the same people. I was
just trying to be helpful. You sure? We're sure.

Well, I wouldn't wanna get innocent people
involved in something should be involved in.

On the contrary, they're already involved.
What do you mean?

Mr. Petrie, you didn't witness the escape of the
robbers. You witnessed the escape of the witnesses.

What? You mean, this man is a witness just
like my husband? Well, not exactly like him.

You see this man actually saw the hold up and ran away.
Thanks to your husband, we were able to find him,

and he gave us a very good description of the
thieves. Then I did good. Of course, you did.

He did good, didn't he? Oh,
we're very much indebted to you, Mr. Petrie

Well, I think the average person's
impulse is to run really first of all.

Of course, he had his wife with him.
I think if I had my wife with me,

I might've run to protect her too.
Well, look, Mr. Petrie.

I'd like you to understand it's not that I'm a coward.

If I was with my wife, I wouldn't have been running.

Who was that lady I saw you running with? That's
the lady I'm running with. You see, I got a wife.

I mean, I'm married to a loser, you know.
You know, she was in the court-room.

She's screaming, the money. I mean,
come on. A guy's gotta be careful.

Well, you know that.
No, he doesn't.

Thank you, Mr. Petrie.
You're OK.

Boy, I certainly feel sorry for that
man's wife, being stuck with him.

His wife, I feel sorry for him.
Why? He's stuck with a red Edsel.

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