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_
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A fossil is formed
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when an organism, preserved in sediment,
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undergoes physical compression
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over millions of years.
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Less than one ten-thousandth percent
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of living organisms will become fossils.
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Isn't it amazing
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that something so fragile
can defy those odds,
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only to have this happen to it...
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I don't think you did that right.
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All right, everyone,
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we'll pick it up here
tomorrow. I-If we're lucky,
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we may find a fossil as
old as lunch lady Phyllis.
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You people don't know what's funny.
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Cooper!
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Will you put these away for me?
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Sure.
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You better watch yourself.
20
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I will, I-I really will.
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'Cause you know what's
gonna happen if you don't.
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Who was that?
23
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No one.
24
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Why did he push you?
25
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None of your business.
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But that was a clear violation
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of the student code of conduct.
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We need to tell on him.
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We're not telling on
anyone, stay out of it.
30
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But the student code of conduct...
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Drop it.
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So I did drop it...
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...for six whole minutes.
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Excuse me, sir.
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When you're done urinating,
I'd like to ask you
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some questions about social
dynamics, intimidation,
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threats, et cetera.
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Finish up, no hurry.
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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What is your problem?
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Oh, I don't have a problem.
42
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You should probably wash your hands.
43
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I just witnessed an altercation
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between you and Georgie Cooper.
45
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Altercation?
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A confrontation, a tussle. Anyway,
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I'd just like to gather more information
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for sociological purposes.
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Oh, I heard about you,
you're that smart kid.
50
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I'd like to be humble in this
moment, but yes, that's me.
51
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Sheldon Cooper, at your service.
52
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- So Georgie's your brother?
- Correct.
53
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And you're trying to protect him?
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Incorrect. I'm just curious
what he did to incur your wrath.
55
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Also, kudos on the hand washing.
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Your brother's a punk.
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I'm not familiar with that terminology.
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He tried to hit on my girlfriend.
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Interesting. So he
openly pursued your mate,
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and to re-assert dominance,
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you threatened him
with physical violence.
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Hell yeah, I did.
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I understand that.
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I often intimidate people
with my intelligence.
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Well, one of us scared him.
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All right.
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00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,430
Next. Missy Cooper.
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Just a heads-up, this is my good side.
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Okay...
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00:03:17,740 --> 00:03:20,540
Do your parents know
you're wearing that makeup?
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00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:22,279
Oh, yeah, my mom knows.
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00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,180
You sure? Because
typically it's not allowed.
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If you don't believe
me, you can ask her.
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Okay, we're gonna give her a call.
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00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:35,659
Really?
76
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:38,659
Good news, I just
spoke to Tommy Clarkson.
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What? Are you crazy?
78
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Nope, Mom had me tested.
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00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:44,569
And Tommy's actually
nicer than you think.
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I told you to stay out of it.
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True, but what you didn't tell me
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was that you were overly
chummy with his girlfriend,
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which is why he wants
to kick your bottom.
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I'm about to kick your bottom.
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I don't think so.
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H-Hey, Tommy.
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How you doing?
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You got a problem with him,
you got a problem with me.
89
00:04:06,090 --> 00:04:08,089
And just to make his logic clear,
90
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you do have a problem with me.
91
00:04:09,860 --> 00:04:11,699
Don't listen to my brother, I don't have
92
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a problem with anybody.
93
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You need to apologize.
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I-I'm very sorry.
95
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To him.
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00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:19,550
I'm very sorry, Sheldon.
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Later, kid.
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See? He's nice.
99
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What were you even thinking?
100
00:04:41,730 --> 00:04:44,029
I was thinking I look hot.
101
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:46,190
You know you're not
allowed to wear makeup.
102
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That's why I didn't tell you.
103
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And who gave it to you?
Heather B.? Heather M.?
104
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Meemaw.
105
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So your grandmother was okay
with you looking like this
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in your school pictures?
107
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If you don't believe me, ask her.
108
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Oh, I'm going to.
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Really?
110
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These are the plaintiffs,
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Valerie and Anthony Sines.
112
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Valerie claims she was
sitting on the front steps
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of her condo with her cat Scampi,
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and that's when his dog went
after Scampi, injuring her.
115
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- What are you watching?
- Go away.
116
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Are you angry with me?
117
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I don't want to see your face right now.
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Very well, but I'd like to
watch Professor Proton.
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Did you hear me? Go away.
120
00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:27,829
Well, did you hear me?
121
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I'd like to watch Professor Proton.
122
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- Too bad.
- Interesting.
123
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I wonder how my new
friend Tommy Clarkson
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would feel about this.
125
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Well, he's not here, is he?
126
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No, he's not.
127
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I guess I'll just have to call him.
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You're kidding.
129
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...the case of
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a taste of Scampi
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after these messages.
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Are you going to put
on Professor Proton?
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No.
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Hmm.
135
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Okay, okay.
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Thank you.
137
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I didn't hear a "you're welcome."
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Shut up!
139
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We'll work on that.
140
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It's time for science!
141
00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:22,359
Hello.
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Well, don't you look like Madonna?
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Thank you.
144
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I was actually trying to look like you.
145
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Thank you.
146
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,480
Why would you give her makeup
without talking to me first?
147
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I didn't give her any makeup.
148
00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:36,509
Well, then, one of you is lying.
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- She is.
- She is.
150
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Time to come clean little lady.
151
00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:41,089
I ain't taking the hit on this one.
152
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I took the makeup from Meemaw's bag.
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Oh, Missy, you are
in a world of trouble.
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Calm down, it's not that big a deal.
155
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It is so a big deal!
156
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She stole from you, and
then she lied about it.
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I know, but come on, she's only ten.
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She's gonna do way stupider
stuff when she's older.
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Guaranteed.
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I don't care.
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She is my daughter and
you will be punished.
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Sorry, kid.
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I wish I was your daughter.
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Is that so?
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Well, guess what?
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You're sleeping here tonight
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because I don't feel like
being around either one of you.
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Great!
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Yeah, great.
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00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:35,779
Georgie, be a lamb and get me a Yoo-hoo.
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Get your own.
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Hmm. Are you sure you
want to speak to me
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in that tone of voice?
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Sheldon, I'm getting real tired of this.
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That's too bad. I'm
enjoying it quite a bit.
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Still waiting on that Yoo-hoo.
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00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,599
You think you're so tough now,
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- I swear, one day I'm...
- Hey.
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What's going on?
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Sheldon's being a jerk.
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That true?
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All I did was ask for a Yoo-hoo.
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He's leaving out the part where he...
184
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Forget it.
185
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,109
Great. Done.
186
00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:09,610
Georgie,
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at the risk of repeating myself...
188
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,420
And one from the back, so it's cold.
189
00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:29,649
So when, exactly, did
you swipe my makeup?
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00:08:29,650 --> 00:08:31,039
While you were at bowling league.
191
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,999
You don't have a key to this house.
192
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,009
How'd you get in?
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Can't tell you that.
194
00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:36,370
I might need to do it again.
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00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:38,879
Unbelievable.
196
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,290
And for future reference,
go lighter on the blush,
197
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or you'll end up
looking like Raggedy Ann.
198
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,489
She got Raggedy Andy looking like that.
199
00:08:47,490 --> 00:08:50,319
- He's her brother.
- Oh.
200
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,579
I've been playing with
those dolls all wrong.
201
00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:55,010
All right, that'll do it.
202
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,029
How old was Mom when
you let her wear makeup?
203
00:08:59,030 --> 00:09:02,130
I don't know, I didn't
really have rules like that.
204
00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:05,569
See? How come you're so
cool and she's such a dud?
205
00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:07,439
Well, I wouldn't call her a dud.
206
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,709
What would you call her?
207
00:09:08,710 --> 00:09:11,409
Point is, she wasn't always like that.
208
00:09:11,410 --> 00:09:12,709
What was she like?
209
00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:16,940
When she was a teenager,
she was just wild.
210
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,999
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
211
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,869
She used to wait until I went to sleep
212
00:09:20,870 --> 00:09:22,300
and then she would sneak out
213
00:09:22,310 --> 00:09:24,009
and get into trouble with her friends.
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00:09:24,010 --> 00:09:26,239
- My mom?
- Your mom.
215
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,879
And then she would climb up the tree
216
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,380
on the side of the
house and sneak back in.
217
00:09:31,390 --> 00:09:33,179
Amazing.
218
00:09:33,180 --> 00:09:35,280
Is that how you're getting in?
219
00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:37,649
I will never tell you that.
220
00:09:47,260 --> 00:09:49,260
Everything okay?
221
00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:53,199
I'm getting tired of being
the bad guy around here.
222
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,309
You're not the bad guy.
223
00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:56,979
Kids need boundaries.
224
00:09:56,980 --> 00:10:00,160
That is easy for you to say.
I am the only one doing it,
225
00:10:00,170 --> 00:10:02,040
and then everyone resents me for it.
226
00:10:02,050 --> 00:10:03,869
Hey, you're not the only one.
227
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,819
Just today, Georgie and
Sheldon were fighting,
228
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:07,649
and I totally took care of it.
229
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,580
Really? What was going on?
230
00:10:09,590 --> 00:10:12,850
They... you know, boy stuff.
231
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,089
I...
232
00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:17,089
Don't worry. I got your back.
233
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:20,529
Thank you. That means a lot.
234
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:22,460
Teamwork, babe.
235
00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:27,699
Look, right...
236
00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:29,869
here.
237
00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:32,109
That's my mom?
238
00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:36,350
Yep, the little queen of darkness.
239
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,879
Is she smoking a cigarette?
240
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:42,249
Yep. Probably stole it from me.
241
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,249
When did she stop being cool?
242
00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,989
Well, first of all, smoking is not cool.
243
00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:48,959
- You do it.
- Yeah, well, next time
244
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,270
I'm hocking up some
black goo out of my lung,
245
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,429
I'll call you over and
you can see how cool it is.
246
00:10:53,430 --> 00:10:56,060
- Awesome.
- It is not awesome.
247
00:10:56,070 --> 00:10:58,590
And as far as your mom,
I think things started
248
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,399
to turn around for her
when she gave birth to you.
249
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,269
You mean me and Sheldon.
250
00:11:03,270 --> 00:11:05,039
No, I mean you.
251
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,479
I mean, Sheldon was born fine,
but you were a different story.
252
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:09,809
Why?
253
00:11:09,810 --> 00:11:11,810
Okay.
254
00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:17,059
Well, there was a point
where the doctors didn't know
255
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:18,419
if you were gonna make it.
256
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:22,309
And your mom got so scared,
and she made a promise to God
257
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:26,270
that if you were okay,
that she would start reading
258
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,199
the Bible, going to church...
259
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,600
you know, that kind of stuff.
260
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,849
So I'm the reason she's a dud?
261
00:11:33,850 --> 00:11:35,869
Your takeaway should be
262
00:11:35,870 --> 00:11:39,849
that you are the reason she's
such a good mom, which she is.
263
00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:41,439
And the next time you
hurt her feelings...
264
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,229
Which you will...
265
00:11:43,230 --> 00:11:47,270
You might remember how
much you mean to her.
266
00:11:49,470 --> 00:11:51,570
Now I feel bad.
267
00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,540
Good.
268
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,599
News of my friendship with Tommy
269
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,960
had apparently spread.
270
00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:05,959
So much so, the student body was finally
271
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:09,269
treating me with the respect I deserved,
272
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,410
even when Tommy wasn't around.
273
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:17,029
This must be how Carl Sagan felt,
274
00:12:17,030 --> 00:12:19,230
walking through the halls of PBS.
275
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,359
Like Superman in a phone booth,
276
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,499
I was no stranger to
undressing in my gym locker.
277
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,159
But not today.
278
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,199
Thanks to Tommy, I was invincible.
279
00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,179
All right, get your
butts out to the gym.
280
00:12:41,180 --> 00:12:42,999
Wind sprints in one minute.
281
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,479
Come on, Jason, I'm gonna be late.
282
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:51,679
Poor baby.
283
00:12:55,580 --> 00:12:57,610
Excuse me.
284
00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:59,119
I'd like to ask you some questions
285
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,200
about your use of intimidation
to dominate others.
286
00:13:06,590 --> 00:13:09,029
Are you trying to get your ass kicked?
287
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:12,899
No, I was just looking to
open a spirited dialogue.
288
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,809
And you might want to unhand me.
289
00:13:14,810 --> 00:13:16,900
I'm friends with Tommy Clarkson.
290
00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:18,100
Is that so?
291
00:13:18,110 --> 00:13:19,410
Yes.
292
00:13:20,890 --> 00:13:22,289
Hello, Tommy.
293
00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:24,060
I have some unfortunate news.
294
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,829
- What's that?
- I boasted
295
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:27,599
to Jason Davies that you're my friend,
296
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,469
and things took an unexpected turn.
297
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:31,420
You're scheduled to
fight him at 3:00 p.m.
298
00:13:31,430 --> 00:13:32,740
on the basketball court.
299
00:13:33,940 --> 00:13:36,269
I don't want to fight Jason Davies.
300
00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:39,080
I don't think you have a
choice. He was pretty adamant.
301
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:42,609
Fine, I'll deal with it.
302
00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:45,249
You do have the option
of simply not showing up.
303
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,660
That's not how fights work, Sheldon.
304
00:13:47,670 --> 00:13:50,330
Why? Do they take attendance?
305
00:13:59,260 --> 00:14:02,099
What on Earth did you say to Missy?
306
00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:04,530
- Why? What'd she do now?
- Nothing,
307
00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:05,869
she was an angel.
308
00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:07,309
I dropped her off at school,
309
00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:09,869
and she hugged me in
front of her friends.
310
00:14:09,870 --> 00:14:12,089
- Really?
- And not just any friends.
311
00:14:12,090 --> 00:14:15,379
Heather M. was there,
and that is a big deal.
312
00:14:15,380 --> 00:14:17,679
I just gave her a little life advice.
313
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,119
Like what?
314
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,049
Nothing, just grandma stuff.
315
00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:26,819
There you go again, being the good guy.
316
00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:29,719
Mary, you need to know
317
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,859
you're doing a fantastic
job with those kids.
318
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:35,299
You really mean that?
319
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:38,030
- I really do.
- Thanks.
320
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:42,670
I can't remember the last time
someone said I was a good mom.
321
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:47,380
It's not a job that gets
a lot of compliments.
322
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,719
Look at this, my mother left me a note.
323
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:59,019
"You can do better. Mom."
324
00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:01,720
Not "Love, Mom," not "XO, Mom,"
325
00:15:01,730 --> 00:15:03,209
just "Mom."
326
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:04,729
While Tam prattled on
327
00:15:04,730 --> 00:15:06,449
about some family nonsense,
328
00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:08,380
I couldn't help but think about Tommy.
329
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:12,020
At 3:00 pm, he was going to
engage in a schoolyard battle
330
00:15:12,030 --> 00:15:13,939
that was entirely my fault.
331
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:17,049
I had to find a way
to intervene, but how?
332
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,770
Ooh, a Nutter Butter.
333
00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:20,340
Maybe she does love me.
334
00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:25,879
Face-punching time!
335
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,049
Jason, let's do it!
336
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,369
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
337
00:15:29,370 --> 00:15:30,719
Fight! Fight!
338
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:34,090
Come on, Jason. Kick his ass.
339
00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:42,920
I didn't have the physical
stature to assist
340
00:15:42,930 --> 00:15:45,679
Tommy in a brawl, but
I did have something
341
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,400
far more lethal:
342
00:15:47,410 --> 00:15:50,010
my once in a generation brain.
343
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,679
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
344
00:16:01,450 --> 00:16:04,089
I didn't think you'd show up.
345
00:16:04,090 --> 00:16:06,819
Well, I did.
346
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:08,889
Let's do this.
347
00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:10,660
Stop!
348
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,929
You're not fighting
Tommy, you're fighting me.
349
00:16:17,270 --> 00:16:18,499
Oh, boy.
350
00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:20,020
Unless you want to shake hands
351
00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:23,409
and we all laugh about
this over a glass of milk.
352
00:16:23,410 --> 00:16:26,079
I think I'd rather kick both your asses.
353
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,179
I was afraid you'd say that.
354
00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:30,609
Are you familiar with the story
355
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,749
of David and Goliath from the Bible?
356
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:34,080
Yeah.
357
00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:35,919
That's too bad.
358
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,020
I had a nice speech prepared.
359
00:16:39,090 --> 00:16:40,920
I'll say it anyway.
360
00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:43,489
You may have the size advantage,
361
00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:45,290
but like David and his sling,
362
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:48,370
I also possess an air-based weapon.
363
00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:53,199
So I'll give you one more chance.
364
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,169
Are you willing to step down?
365
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:58,370
I'll tell you what:
366
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:02,449
you take the first
shot, then it's my turn.
367
00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,549
Very well.
368
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:07,380
Three...
369
00:17:08,620 --> 00:17:10,050
...two...
370
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,590
...one.
371
00:17:21,430 --> 00:17:25,630
Ow! Son of a bitch!
372
00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:34,630
I'm going to run.
373
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:43,119
Conventional wisdom tells us
374
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,890
that when one stands up
to a bully, the bully
375
00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:49,370
will inevitably back down and
respect you for your courage.
376
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:51,509
My experience suggests otherwise.
377
00:17:51,510 --> 00:17:54,460
Hello? Hello?
378
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,310
When Jason finally caught me,
379
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,249
he had the good sense not to
commit assault and battery.
380
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:00,819
This did not, however, prevent him
381
00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:02,919
from imprisoning me in his locker.
382
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,440
Anybody?
383
00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:07,470
That was a very long night.
384
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,709
It doesn't smell good in here.
385
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:10,810
Very long.
386
00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:15,870
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