All language subtitles for The Royal Bodyguard s01e05 The Perils Of Attraction.eng

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And so it is that we gather here
today to say farewell to Guy Hubble.

A man who has served this
nation all his life.

Yates, please tell me
I'm not dreaming.

I know. I have to keep pinching
myself. What happened?

Apparently, Hubble was
found dead in bed.

Why didn't anybody phone me?

We didn't want to bother you
on holiday, sir. Bother me?!

It would have made my holiday! I've
been waiting for this for years!

Members of the Hubble family, sir.
Cousins.

And so, as he lies with us,
at peace, for one final time,

we come together to mark the end of one
life and the beginning of another.

Ah, Dennis! Come in, come in.

I was just admiring your roses out
there. Absolutely stunning!

Oh, thank you.
Anyway, I'm pleased to see you

looking so cheerful.
Did you have a good holiday?

No, it rained every day.

But I've come back to the
most wonderful news.

Well, I'm sorry to be a "buzzkill"
as my grandson would have it,

but we've got a serious problem.
Oh? Mmm.

Number Ten are convinced
they have a mole. What? Mmm.

Leaking highly sensitive secrets
to the North Koreans. Here, look.

This is a copy of a briefing document
written in Korean,

which exactly replicates the official
minutes of a COBRA meeting

that was held last
month at Downing Street. Good God.

It's highly classified
information, and it could

only have come from someone
inside Number Ten,

so the PM wants someone to go in,
undercover, and find the mole.

Isn't this more MI5's game?

Trouble is, Dennis,
there's every possibility

that MI5 are up to their
necks in all this.

That's why they're
looking for help elsewhere.

I'd like to introduce you to someone,
Dennis. Dennis, this is Ms Mellor.

Dennis Whittington. Please to meet
you, Ms Mellor. How do you do.

Please, call me Sandra. Cup of tea?
Thank you. There you are.

Hello, sir. It's me!

TEA CUP CRASHES

There you go, sir.
There's another cup of tea for you.

It was the shock, I expect.

Bound to be a little bit emotional

when you realise that your friend
and colleague is still alive. Hm?

I'm in the middle of some nightmare.

Hubble has assumed the identity
of a Sandra Mellor

who was appointed two months ago to the
post of Office Services Administrator.

The real Ms Mellor is
enjoying a holiday

in Australia, courtesy
of the department.

I start work in Number Ten tomorrow.

But Hubble isn't trained as a spy.
Or a detective!

Please, sir, from now on,
could you refer to me as Sandra?

Only I'm trying to
stay in character.

His job is to get in there,
blend in and unmask the traitor.

It'll never work, sir.
Yes, it will, sir.

I've just spent three weeks
on an intensive drama course!

The PM raised the problem at his
weekly meeting with Her Majesty

and she volunteered
Hubble's services.

Sandra, sir.

Oh, indeed.

They'll see through this disguise!
No-one at Number Ten knows Hubble.

Surely they've seen a picture of him
in the papers?

Everyone thinks he's dead, Dennis.

Only you, me and the PM know about
this operation.

And Sandra, sir.

And Sandra.

Your ID, ma'am.

Thank you.

Sandra?

Yes, that's me.

Tristram Roberts. Chief of Staff.
Welcome to Downing Street.

Thank you. How do you do?
Do come through. Thank you.

So, you've been working up in
Newcastle with the Home Office? Yes.

It was very interesting work
on policy implementation.

Some offices are being redesigned to
give more space to the Treasury.

Have these workmen been
fully vetted? Yes.

Only outside contractors need to
have a Level 6 security clearance.

It's all been done. Oh good.
Sorry. Old habits!

I was on the committee for security
clearance at my last job.

I know what you mean
about old habits.

I had the security brief when I
worked with the embassy in Bangkok.

Bangkok? Yes, the jewel
of the Far East. Do you know it? No.

Oh, terrific place.
Wonderful people.

Really? Deputy PM's office through
there, loos just through there.

Oh well, if you don't mind,
I think I'd like to spend a penny.

Of course. Thank you.

Erm... Hm?

That's the gents.

Oh! Silly me.

Loitering outside the ladies again,
are we, Tristram?

I've heard it's the best place to meet
pretty women in this building, Mary.

Flattery will get you everywhere.
Actually, I'm waiting for Sandra Mellor,

our new Office Services
Administrator. Oh, right.

SANDRA URINATES

Ah!

TOILET FLUSHES

Sandra? Yes.

Mary Town-Jones. Foreign Policy.
Pleased to meet you.

Oh. You too. Hello.

Sorry. Strange place to meet.

Yes.

First day nerves. I was taken
rather short. Yes, I heard.

Well, er, no doubt I'll see you
around. Toodle-loo.

You're late. Yes, I know, sir.

I'm sorry, I've had a bit
of a morning.

I lost my left breast.

What? Well, it must have slipped out
when I was in the cloakroom.

Either that, or I lost
it in the photocopying room.

This is all loo paper in here.

The trouble with loo paper is
you can't get the right shape.

How do they look, sir?

Hubble, I haven't got all day.
No, of course not, sir.

Well, I called this meeting just to
let you know what I've got so far.

Would you like a sandwich?
No, I'm fine.

Are you sure, sir?
I brought them for you.

The thing is, I can't eat them all
because I've got to watch my weight.

You know, I've got this
wonderful skirt back

home, but it makes my
bum look enormous.

I've got tofu and cress,
and Quorn and cucumber.

It's because Sandra's a vegan, sir.
Won't touch meat.

Hubble, can we get back to the mole
in Downing Street?! Of course.

Sorry, sir. Well, my main suspect
is one Tristram Roberts.

Do you know him?
A little. Why him?

Well, I've got two reasons really.
He worked in the Embassy in Bangkok,

and I think it's possible
he's been turned

and he's the one that's leaking the
information to the North Koreans.

Bangkok's in Thailand.

Yes, but it's very near
to North Korea.

It's about 2,000 miles away.

Exactly.

You said there were two things.
Oh, yes.

Well, I've got his
phone records, and

he's phoned a Chinese
takeaway in Holborn

three times alone last month.

I knew this was a bad idea.
No, sir, but don't you see?

The Chinese takeaway could be a an
intelligence gathering organisation

where they feed all the secrets
back to North Korea.

Or it could just be
a Chinese takeaway.

Anyway, I've got a micro camera,

and I'm going to break into
his room tonight

and see if I can photograph
some incriminating documents.

Well, get on with it.
You've been there two days.

This is a matter of
national importance,

and with you looking
as you do, it's only a

matter of time before
your cover is blown.

Well, that's a rather hurtful
thing to say, sir.

Aaah!

VOICES IN CORRIDOR

Hello?

What's going on?

What are you doing?

Oh dear, I was so scared. I thought
someone was in the office. Me too.

Did you hear someone in there?
I thought I did.

No. No, nothing.
No one was in here.

Except me. I was in here.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

It's someone called Sandra.

Yes? Is this a good time to talk,
sir?

It's 3 o'clock in the morning,
Hubble!

You were right about Tristram.

Yes, so I'm focusing my
investigation on Mary Town-Jones.

I don't know this woman.
She's a bit of a battle-axe, sir.

I don't want to be a
bitch, but she really

ought to do something
about her hair.

I think she's using the wrong
conditioner.

What's this got to do
with the investigation?

I've been rooting about,
and I've found out that her husband

has extensive business
dealings in Korea.

North or South?

I'll look into it, sir.

You do that, and let me know when you
have something remotely of interest!

Yes, sir.

Who's Sandra?

Oh, just someone from the office.

And what does she want
at three in the morning?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Just go back to sleep, Muriel.

What the hell do you think
you're doing?

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought
you'd gone home, Mr Finch.

I bet you did.
What do you want with these files?

They're highly classified!

I was just filing these documents.
Sorry.

I'm new. I'm Sandra Mellor. Hello.

You were the one found in my office
last night.

Your office?

I thought it was Tristram Robert's
office. There you go.

Still trying to find my way about!

I'm phoning security.
No, no, please don't!

We have strict security protocols.
Yes, I know.

I realise that, and I'm still
trying to learn them all.

Yes, I'm sorry. I've got no choice.
No, please, Mr Finch.

It's always been my dream to work
here at Number Ten.

I know I've been doing things
in a rather haphazard way,

but you wouldn't want to shatter
a girl's dreams would you?

Well, no but...

You won't regret it.
I'm a very good worker,

and if there's anything you want me
to do, anything at all, I will do it.

Oh, is that your wife?

Yes. My late wife. She passed on
two years ago. Oh, I'm sorry.

She was very beautiful.
Yes. I'm reminded of her every day.

Actually, she used the same perfume
as you do.

Well, it's very much
for the discerning woman.

There.

Now, look,
I really must get back to work.

I've got an awful lot of things
to do. I just want to thank you.

Thank you for being
so understanding.

MARY SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN

Yes, OK, Friday night. Yes.
Midnight.

DOORBELL RINGS

Hello, sir, have I come at a bad time?
I was just getting in the bath.

Oh, really? I'm a shower man myself.
Don't like lying in my own dirt.

Interestingly enough, though,
as Sandra I've started having baths.

Hubble, this is all very fascinating.
Can you get to the point?

Yes, of course, sir.
Can I come in? Thank you, sir.

I take it you've seen
the paper this morning? No, sir.

Actually, I picked up
a copy of Woman's Weekly.

Very interesting interview
with Jamie Oliver.

The North Koreans have got hold of our
entire missile defence programme.

You need to find this mole,
and sharpish.

Sir, I am making progress.

I've been watching
Mary Town-Jones like a hawk.

Look, I've got
Number Ten on my back,

I've got Sir Edward
running around like a

headless chicken.
Yes, sir. But listen.

I heard her on the phone,
and she was speaking foreign.

Foreign?

Definitely foreign.

There's something fishy about her,
sir, I know it.

Look, Hubble, I need
something concrete.

All right. Yes, sir.
You can rely on me.

Sorry, sir. Sorry.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, hello darling. You're back
early. I wasn't expecting you.

No. Clearly not. Hmmm?

What the hell's going on, Dennis?

What? I don't understand.

You and that woman.
Don't treat me like a fool!

Her?
I've noticed you skulking around.

The secret phone calls,
now illicit liaisons. Who is she?

I can't tell you that, darling.

And with her!
We all expect to get passed over

for a little young thing with
a willing smile and a big cleavage,

but that! How humiliating
for me is that?!

Ah, Sandra! I was hoping to bump into
you again. Are you settling in OK?

Yes, yes, I am, thank you.

Good. I'm sorry things
got off on the wrong foot.

Oh, that's all right. Don't worry.

Well, I'm having a few people round
to my flat tomorrow,

just a light bite, and I wondered
if you'd care to join us.

Tomorrow? That's Friday.
Oh, er, really, I'm not sure.

Oh, no, do come.

It would be a chance to meet
the gang here socially.

Terrence from the press office
and his wife, Mary Town-Jones...

Mary? Mary's going to be...?
Oh, well, let me think.

No, no, tomorrow will be fine.

Good. Shall we say 8pm?

Eight it is.

Hello, sir. The office told me
that you'd moved in here.

What is it? Trouble at home, is it?

Mrs Whittington thinks I'm having
an affair with you. With me?

Oh, you mean with Sandra.
Yes. Sandra.

Well, that's very flattering, sir,

but you can tell Mrs Whittington
that, actually,

you're just not my type.

Of course I'm not your type!
You're not my type either!

That's what I keep trying to
get into my wife's silly head!

Sir, would it be a help
if I had a word with her

and assured her there was nothing
going on between us?

No, it would not.

Well, I just thought, you know,
as woman to woman, I could...

Just stay away, Hubble!
Yes, sir.

So, where are we with this mole?
I phoned twice yesterday evening.

Yes, sir. I'm sorry about that.

It's just that I got home,
I was so exhausted,

I just had a soothing foot spa
and an early night.

But I did get something from
Mary Town-Jones' waste paper bin.

A scratch card? Yes, sir.

A scratch card worth £50 worth
of shopping vouchers.

I'm not following. Well, sir,
isn't it revealing?

I mean, how can someone
afford to throw

away 50 quid's worth
of shopping vouchers

unless they were being paid by the North
Koreans for revealing state secrets?

And that's it? That's where you've
got after two weeks under cover?

A discarded scratch card?

While every day that goes by, more and
more leaks are doubtless taking place,

putting this country's strategic
safety in jeopardy.

You're a waste of space, Hubble.
A total air-head

that makes this whole department
a laughing stock!

With respect, sir, I'm beginning to
see how Mrs Whittington must feel.

What? I just don't feel appreciated.

Hubble, unless you can find something of
significance within the next 24 hours,

Sandra is off the case.

Oh, all right. I'll show you, sir.
I'll show you what Sandra can do.

Really? Yes.

I'm going to a dinner party tonight
with Mary Town-Jones

and she's making a contact
with somebody at midnight

where I think she will reveal
herself as our mole,

and then you, sir,
and the country can thank Sandra!

Sir, do you mind
if I borrowed your shower cap?

Only it's raining outside,
and it plays havoc with my hair.

My dear, come on in.

Oh, thank you.

And right on time. I like a woman
who's punctual. Champagne?

Oh, thank you.

I have to be careful because bubbly
goes straight to my head.

Your other guests haven't
arrived yet, then?

I'm afraid they've all had
to cry off.

Oh. I thought about phoning to
cancel, but then I thought,

"No, why should we let others
ruin our fun?"

Thank you.

Bottoms up. Bottoms...

Cheers.

You look... breathtaking.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, is that your wife?

Yes.

You know it's quite uncanny
how similar you look.

My wife was a marvellous woman,
Sandra. So kind, so loving, so...

passionate.

Do you know, I need to powder my
nose. Could you tell me where it is?

Just through there.

Thank you. Hurry back!

Oooh!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Everything all right in there?
Yes. Yes, everything's fine.

Oysters? What?
Oysters might get us in the mood.

Mr Finch... Roddy.

No, Mr Finch, I really must go.

But my dear, why?

Because my mother warned me
against men like you.

Really? Yes.
What sort of man do you have me for?

Well, you're a very naughty man.

Mmm, yes, you're right. I am rather
naughty. But then you are, too.

What? As you said in my office,
you'd do anything for me.

Yes, well...

Mr Finch,
if you let me just slip away,

then to all concerned this will be
as though nothing has happened.

But nothing has happened... yet.

And it won't. Oh, come on. No, no!

You little sex bomb! Stop it!
Little kiss, little kiss!

Come on, you know you want to! No!
Get off! Get off!

What's going on?

Mr Finch, I'm not a woman.

Yes, I can see that!
Who the hell are you?!

I'm sorry. I really can't say.

Right. Well, you'd better say pretty
damn quick cos I'm phoning the police!

No, no, please don't do that.
No, I've been working under cover.

I'm from the Household Division
and I'm on a special mission

to unearth the mole
that's in Number Ten.

What? Yes, there's a mole in Number Ten
selling secrets to the North Koreans.

They've put me on the case.
Sorry if I deceived you.

Anyway, I'll help you clear
up all this mess.

That's an awful lot of money
you've got here, sir, and, er...

"Surveillance of the..."

Mr Finch. It's you!

How could you?
Oh, don't be so naive, Sandra.

Or whoever you are. Come on.
On your feet. Move. Yes.

Come on! Yes.

You're never going to get away with
this, you know. Is that so?

I'll be on a flight out of here
before they even find you.

Move. No!

Give up! You know you can't win!

Stop now, because
I am a trained killer!

I told you...

No, no, glad to have been of
assistance, Prime Minister. Goodbye.

Well, Number Ten are delighted,
Hubble.

Although they still can't believe
it was Roderick Finch all this time.

Well, appearances can be deceptive,
sir.

Now, can I tempt either of
you to a little drinkie?

I feel we've deserved it.

Could you make mine a white wine
spritzer, sir?

Sandra's not much of a drinker.

Hubble, can we drop the Sandra
business now?

She's already caused enough trouble.

Oh, yes, yes, all right, sir.
Bit of a shame, really.

I got quite attached to her.
Hubble!

Yes, sir.

I'd just like to thank you very much
for all the help that you've

given me on this case. I couldn't
have done it without you, sir.

Oh sir, could you undo this zip?

This bra is killing me.

There, look.

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