All language subtitles for The Ricky Gervais Show s02e08 Future.eng

For the past few years
Ricky Gervais,

Stephen Merchant,
and Karl Pilkington

have been meeting regularly

for a series
of pointless conversations.

This is one of them.

- Testing.
- Is that all right?

Hello and welcome
to "The Ricky Gervais Show"

with me, Ricky Gervais,
Stephen Merchant...

- Hello.
- ...And the little round-headed buffoon

that is Karl Pilkington.

Hi.

One prediction
for the future, Karl,

is from an academic study

of what the world will be like
in about 75 years from now.

And a big prediction
they're sort of sure of

is that androgyny will rule.

But soon you won't even need a female
or man in your life.

You'll just need
the egg or sperm

and, uh, you'll be able
to have any coupling you want

or not.
Thoughts, Karl?

That isn't what I've heard.

What have you heard?

So you read
an academic study, Rick.

Let's find out
what Karl's been reading.

I heard we're, you know,
we're all gonna go ugly.

Different
point though, isn't it?

That's a completely
different point.

Not listening to a word Ricky said.
But go on.

It's just if we
all sort of go ugly,

that will sort
the population problem.

He gets an extra syllable
in the word "ugly."

- Mmm.
- "Ugaly."

Ugly.
"Ugaly."

So that just sorts
the population out

because people aren't
sort of having their way.

That doesn't sort...
What do you mean?

Sorry, Rick. I don't understand
what the hell he said there.

Are you saying
'cause everyone's ugly

everyone won't want to have it
away more with the ugly person?

- Yeah.
- Okay, I still don't...

You seem to understand what he's talking
about, Rick. I'm still confused.

What he thinks is
that if we're all ugly,

then we'll still have this
strange paradigm of beauty

that won't exist so we
won't fancy anyone as much.

No no, they'll still
sort of fancy...

Because at the end of the day,
we're animals, aren't we?

- Yeah.
- We'll still have it away.

But not as much
as we like to do now

because it's all
based on looks.

- But what's this go to do...
- What's this world like?

Describe a typical town
or country.

Exactly, right.
Imagine London.

You've still got the Gherkin,
you've still got the big wheel.

It's just that everyone's ugly.

Right. And they're doing
all the same jobs, are they?

Everyone's still... Yeah.
The world's got to carry on.

What do they look like?
What's ugly?

Just imagine... like haven't
you ever seen anyone

when you've just gone...
Pew, look at that?

- Yeah.
- Right, well, like that.

Yeah, but hold on.
'Cause it's not like...

Because we have got
better looking, haven't we?

- If I look back now at a school photo...
- Yeah.

...You look at my class and you
go, "What was going on then?"

You can't tell the difference between
some of the girls and blokes.

When he said
we've got better looking,

I thought he was gonna
talk about cavemen.

Not his school photo.

I mean, what happened to the...

There's been no evolution
in that time.

What are you
talking about, Karl?

We've got better looking
now, haven't we?

But we will change.
Probably not in 75 years.

I mentioned before about
your little finger.

There'll come a time
when that'll go.

I've said...
I've watched it.

I've kept an eye on what
my little finger's doing.

Sometimes it does nothing.

It never helps out. All the others
are grabbing hold of stuff.

That one just sort of
sits there watching.

So you could get rid of that and I
think that will go in evolution.

Think of the books he could have
read when he was doing that.

When he was monitoring
his little finger.

"I've been watching
my little finger."

But again, if you shaved
a caveman, it's basically us.

- He's basically us.
- He's basically Karl.

Yeah.

I think what's more interesting
about the future, Karl,

is the fact that technology

integrated with humans
will be fascinating.

So for instance, they're
talking about the fact

that in the future we may
even be able to have chips

in our head to allow us
to access the Internet

or an equivalent of it
directly, mentally.

- So imagine that.
- Not French fries.

But hang on, though.
At what point are we us then?

- There you are, this is good.
- Keep going. Go on.

No, because if I... if I can
go on the Internet anytime,

then that's gonna
know more than me.

- What does that mean?
- Okay.

When I don't know an answer
to something now,

which is a lot of stuff...

- Really?
- Go on.

You watch
"University Challenge"

and the stuff them kids
on that know,

I just think, "Where
have they stored that?"

For me, if something doesn't
get used within a time period,

that's it, it's forgotten.

But basically you've got about the
same hardware as those people.

Honest to God, I haven't.
I know I haven't.

So what I'm saying is

if I want to know the answer to
something I go on the Internet.

- Yeah.
- Right.

Now if I've got a chip in
my head with Google on it,

I'm never gonna use my head.

I'll just be forever on Google.

"I'm never
gonna use my head."

- I'm not.
- What do you think your head is though?

I'm gonna get it wrong.
The chances are I'll get it wrong.

So divert that.
It's like, say in...

No no, you can't bypass
the brain straight to Google.

When you're having a chat socially it's not
like they go, "Alright, Karl, how are you?"

And you're not there. You're
asleep and Google's talking.

"Oh, I think you'll find...

You want to see naked ladies?
Come this way."

No, only for questions
though that I don't know.

But what I'm saying is, 'cause I
don't know a lot of the answers,

I'll just say forget it.
Leave it connected to Google.

- No no.
- So then I'm not me anymore.

Well, what are you doing?
Where's you gone?

I'm looking at Google.

- So it is you?
- No.

But what Steve just said is

- we'll have a chip in our head...
- Right.

- ...That can access the Internet.
- Right.

- So why bother using your knowledge?
- You're still the go-between.

You, Karl,
are the go-between

between the Internet
and whatever your mouth says.

But you can't beat the Internet.
It knows everything.

Where does Google get the information
from in the first place?

Someone... one of them bright
people on "University Challenge."

A human being.
Yeah, a human being.

But I'm gonna get lazier.

I don't watch "University
Challenge" and go,

"I want to be like them.
I'm gonna start reading books."

I'm never gonna be like them.
I can't play along.

All I tend to do is...

I say to Suzanne,
"Every question now,

I'm gonna have 'egg'
as the answer."

- And I'm hoping that one day...
- What an amazing game.

What an amazing intellectual
position that is.

What a lucky lady.

What does Suzanne say to that?

Well, she just sees if it works.
She just plays along.

And then I'm saying, "Oh it
might be this one, whatever.

I love that 'cause
I remember once

it was about five years ago,

Karl and Suzanne were around near
Christmas and me and Jane were there.

We were playing different parlor
games like charades and that.

And then one game, you have
to do that thing where

you have to be...
and you have to do animals.

You have to go...
First one is A then B.

So you say "Aardvark,"
next one goes "beaver,"

next one goes "cat."
It came to Karl.

He panicked
and he went "egg."

And he was all there.

So you're sat there watching
"University Challenge"

and on a good night it's,
you know, "Well-known jeweler

Faberge is well known for his
jewel encrusted what? Egg."

"Humpty Dumpty's commonly
pictured as being? Egg."

That's what I'm saying.
If you keep saying the same thing,

eventually... It's like
a broken watch.

- "Karl Pilkington's head looks like a?"
- Yeah.

- I've just got more chance at getting
it right. - Sure.

But also he told me when he
plays "University Challenge,"

he says he's given up
ever trying to get an answer.

So now he tries to guess who's
gonna answer the question.

Another great thing
Suzanne's roped in on.

Unbelievable.
How'd you do with that?

I'm normally all right on that.

"I'm normally
all right on that."

There's go to be
something else to watch.

There's another
evolution thing, though.

When you watch brainy people on
that all wearing glasses...

- Yeah?
- What does that tell you?

We are reading too much.

- We're wearing the eyes out.
- Mmm.

- Maybe.
- You can't argue with that,

- because the evidence is there.
- Well, you can.

Okay, one more go.
What do you mean?

- The chip in the brain...
- Mmm.

...Isn't part of filling
your head with stuff,

the journey of filling
it with that stuff.

What do you mean?

Whereas if I just...
say if you had a baby.

The baby pops out, it cries a bit.

They go, "Right, what do you want
want your baby to be interested in?"

And you say, "I want it
to be a plumber."

"Right, when it's two

we're gonna stick a plumber
chip in its head."

- Right.
- Yeah.

It's not right, is it?

No. No. I don't know why
you chose plumber either.

- We still need plumbing.
- I know we do.

It's odd that they would have
chosen... they've got such...

such kind of small ambitions
for their baby.

It's what his granddad did.
And he, you know,

they want the sort of thing
to go through the business.

They own a plumbing business.

They want the baby
to carry on the business.

They want the baby
to be able to plumb.

What about this
chip in the head?

But you've made this up.

They're not putting chips
in babies' heads.

- I thought you said they were.
- When did I say that?

I think Steve's right.
I don't know, I haven't read it.

But I imagine he's saying
it's the next step

in convenience with technology

an interface between the human

and a research tool or fun.

You know, computers went
from being the size of a room

to a thing
you can wear on your watch.

So the next step may be we
won't forget your palmtop,

you won't forget your iPod,
you won't forget your laptop.

It's in there.
It's an interface.

I know, but it makes us lazy.

Karl, it's not a question of...

It's not that Google
is now Karl.

It looks like Karl
but it's just spamming,

you know, little pop ups
about offers you can buy

and all that cheap
holidays here and there.

"He's not the man I married."

- Right, look at it like this.
- Jesus.

- I see it all the time now.
- Go on.

You go, "Where are you
going?" to someone.

And they go, "I'm going
to Dorset."

"Oh, aye? What road
are you taking?"

"Don't know.
I'll just pop on the sat-nav."

Now that's the start, isn't it?

Okay, let's act
that out with me, okay?

I'm going away
for the weekend, Karl.

- Are you?
- Yeah.

- Where you going?
- Dorset.

Oh yeah?
How you getting there?

Uh, car.

Oh, right.
Which way you going?

Um, don't know.
Why, why do you want to know?

Just making a friendly chat.

Just, you know,
I'm interested in geography.

Which way you going?

I don't know, really.
I've got a sat-nav in my car.

- Oooh.
- What's the matter?

- Are you using it?
- I'm just a pigeon.

- I don't...
- Have you got an A-Z?

Well, yeah.
It's on the computer the A-Z.

What's the difference between
looking at an A-Z and...

- Bit lazy though.
- Not really, no.

No, why?
Why is it any different

that I've got a it computerized
so I can go along?

Actually, it's a bit
dangerous, isn't it?

Don't have to go to A-Z
while you're driving along.

Clive, who are you talking to?

We need to hit the road.
We need to get going.

It's this fucking idiot who wants
to know what road I'm taking,

which is a fucking
boring thing to ask anyway.

Sorry, who is this twat?
We've got to get going.

Fucking dickhead.
I think he's an A-Z salesman.

Just tell him we're
using the sat-nav.

We've got a sat-nav. It's the quickest,
most efficient way of doing it.

- But look what's happened.
- Who the fuck are you?

Would Columbus found America
if he'd have had a sat-nav?

Yes, he would have put in America and
it would have taken him to America.

He only found it
'cause he got lost.

- Now if everybody...
- Hold on, hold on.

How would an undiscovered
country been on a sat-nav?

- No.
- Go on.

What's the difference between the
sat-nav and a map in that regard?

Because I've found some lovely little
cafes on roads I've never been on.

I love he's gone from finding
a continent to a little cafe.

I love that.
I love that.

- Little greasy spoon.
- I am off to discover the unknown world.

"Where you going?" "I don't know yet.
It's the unknown world."

"What are you taking?"
"Just a boat."

"Oh, lazy.
Swim, you cunt."

I love the fact that
he's so luddite now

he's annoyed
with the sat-nav.

I mean you'd have probably
given Columbus a hard time.

"Oh, got a compass. Don't you
know where north is, you twat?"

I just think there's
something in being lost.

I never feel lost.
I just think,

"Oh, I've had a diversion."

Because you find...
You find new things.

Meanwhile Suzanne's asking
the French peasant where the...

I just think, you know,
Columbus...

What's the most interesting
thing you've found when lost?

Like I say, they're normally...

I found a shop that was
like a fancy dress shop.

- Amazing.
- Do you need fancy dress stuff?

Dressed up as Columbus,
went and bought a sat-nav.

Went to Dorset for the weekend.

You never go out.
Why do you need a fancy dress shop?

That sounds like the one thing
you would hate, is fancy dress.

No, but I like
looking at the...

They have like
a space helmet in there.

Right, so you found
a fancy dress shop.

Where were you supposed to be going
that you had time to get sidetracked?

I think I was
going to a meeting.

That is the last time...

You don't want to get
lost if you go to a meeting.

No, 'cause I always
give myself loads of time

- 'cause I get lost a lot.
- Get a sat-nav.

No, I'm just saying

that's how you find
little treats along the way.

Next time you pass it,
or next time someone says,

"Do you know where the fancy dress shop is?
" You go, "Yeah, I do."

No idea 'cause I was lost.
I didn't know where it was.

"I'm not gonna tell you.

Lazy cunt. Have you got an A-Z?"
"That's harsh."

"Yeah, find it yourself,
you lazy twat."

- So...
- What have you learned?

You keep going on about
all this leaning.

- What have you learned?
- Yeah, what have you learned?

- When?
- Okay, sum up... sum up

mankind's foray
into the future.

I want this...
This will be the introduction

to a book about the future

that will then be read
in 100 years' time.

It'd go "Karl Pilkington
was the most prophetic

genius that's ever
walked the earth.

These are his words
from 2010."

Just some predictions
that you think...

just sum up...
just sum up...

I believe...
Start off with,

"I, Karl Pilkington
believe that mankind

in the future will..."
Okay, start off with that.

And then what?
Just have, like, a top five?

Or maybe just predictions.

Yeah, okay.
Okay, yeah.

And then a little... and then
a little thing to remember.

- And remember ye this.
- "I, Karl Pilkington,

predict that in the future
mankind will..."

- Uh...
- Start off with that.

Start off with that sentence.
I've given you that one.

All right, I'm Karl.

And, uh, the future.

- He's already gone off road.
- It's a scary place.

But the future's gonna happen.

All right?
There's no getting away from that.

Yup.

Your predictions are...

We're all...

- It's not a sound bite.
- Keep going. Give him space.

This is in a book.
I've got to think about...

- Don't want to get it wrong.
- Okay, think first.

Think and then say it.

Okay, starting from now.

These words of wisdom
will be inscribed

on the wall
of a museum one day.

Proceed.

I think trousers are gonna
be stopped being made.

But because you see kids now

they've got pants
around their ankles.

They're going further
and further down.

So I think that's evolution,

just getting rid
of the trouser.

It's just dropping naturally.

That's the evolution
of the trouser?

'Cause it's dropping
increasingly down the ass?

You can see kids' underpants.
So they're just dropping.

I think they'll get to a point when they
just don't bother wearing them anymore.

Prediction one.
That's an amazing one.

They'll stop making trousers
in the future. Okay.

Uh...

We're gonna get weaker.

- That's already happened.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh...

They used to say an apple
a day keeps the doctor away.

Now they're saying
eat five fruits.

Right.

So definitely that's evidence.

You can't argue with that.
I'd probably put that first

'cause he'd go, "He's right.
What's number two?"

- So swap that around.
- Okay, that's number one.

- Give 'em the pants second.
- Yup.

I'm gonna die.

- I'm gonna die.
- Okay, number three?

"They used to say an apple
a day keeps the doctor away."

"They used to say"!

"They used to say,
'Pull your trousers up.'"

now they say,
"Pull 'em down, you cunt."

I've never heard
such fucking drivel.

Number three.

Right, number three.

Oh, the scholars are now
waiting with bated breath

when they find this old scroll

and they go, "Oooh,

what can number three be?"

Uh...

I reckon

we'll blend all our food.

Oh God.
I honestly thought there

he was gonna make a point
about race.

I never thought it would be

"We'll blend
all our food."

Like they do
for babies, you mean?

Yeah, I just think... When you think
about all the stuff we eat now,

cavemen chewing
on big lumps of meat,

we had wisdom teeth.

Now we took 'em out.
We're not using them.

Why are you not using them?
'Cause your food's soft.

Sorbet, soups.

Uh...

- You know, everything's soft.
- Just those two.

When you get an avocado
they say is it soft?

Everyone's squeezing the food
before they buy it.

- No one wants anything tough.
- Yeah.

So I think chewing

- is a thing of the past.
- A thing of the past.

We haven't got
the time to chew.

Everyone's like,
"Hurry up, eat that."

Don't have to go out
for dinner with Ricky.

He's like, "Hurry up."
I'm still eating here.

He does blend his food,
I think.

- Okay, so blending food.
- Great.

Uh...

I reckon...

What else do we do now?

I've done teeth.
I've done trousers.

I've come up with this idea.

These sort of, like, glasses

but you can live
wherever you want to live.

What do you mean?

Everything that's real,

you're not looking
at that anymore.

This is really the future.
I'd put this at number 10.

- This is like...
- We're only doing five. Fuck me.

So what you mean is you
look through the glasses

and instead of seeing
the real world,

- you see a tropical paradise.
- What you want to see.

So if you're a young kid
and you like the idea

of living in the urban ghetto

with all graffiti on the walls
and that you can see that.

Yeah, but hold on.
Aren't you walking around?

'Cause you'll be bumping
into stuff, won't you?

- No.
- Why not?

What you mean is
that the stuff that's there

in the real world is being digitally
reimagined in your glasses.

So what was a nice country lane
is suddenly now an urban ghetto.

- It's got loads of graffiti on it.
- Absolutely mental.

Pointless.
Would never work.

- One of the maddest things you've ever said.
- Really weird, that one.

It could be done.
I reckon it could be easily done.

Okay, that last one
that's number four.

That's a load of bollocks.
So what's number five?

They'll be more letters
in the alphabet.

- Why?
- Why?

'Cause we're running out
of words now, aren't we?

- No, we're not running out of words.
- We are.

We are definitely
running out of words.

Just using the letters we've
already got and making new words.

- No, but we haven't got enough now.
- Course we have.

Have you any idea...
You could have a word

with nine ls
before you run out.

Yeah, and they do in wales
and what have you.

That's because their alphabet
is shorter than ours.

They've only got something
like 24 letters over there.

- Right.
- They go mental with the l.

Now what we do is
we've got 26 letters,

but we are now struggling.

- We're not struggling at all.
- We are.

- We're not.
- Boswellox in shampoo.

Now there's a word where they've
gone and invented something.

We've got something
we're putting in shampoo.

- Boswellox?
- Boswellox.

- You just made that up.
- No, it's... now they go,

"New with boswellox."

Yeah, but that's a new word because
they have to come up with a new word.

- But it's a terrible word.
- Why?

- Boswellox.
- It's another word.

- Is that real?
- Yeah, boswellox.

This is what I'm saying.
So years ago

when they came up with all
the sensible ingredients...

Uh, sodium.

- Sodium!
- That sounds all right.

He likes sodium.
He doesn't like boswellox.

'Cause it sounds like something
in it, like an ingredient.

Well, yeah.
But that's because you're used to it.

Is this a load of boswellox?
Are you winding me up, the two of you?

It's real.
And that's because 26 letters,

we've wasted them.
Years ago we went mental

with the, you know,
pneumonia...

Sticking a p on it.

There's loads of words where you go,
"What's that letter doing in there?"

Whereas now you can't do that.

They've gone, "Whoa, pull that back.
Why's that letter there?"

And now you've got stuff
like abbreviations and stuff.

Let's not waste letters.
Let's just control it a little bit.

Cars are called things like,
you know, GTI or something

'cause they're going, "I can't
think of a word to call it."

So they're giving 'em letters.

Think of a word now.
Think of a word that hasn't been made up.

- What do you mean?
- Tell me a word that hasn't been made up.

- All words have been made up.
- No, one that hasn't

that could be used. Say if I invent
something now to put in shampoo.

What can I call it?
Quick.

- Cranbruly.
- No, it's too close.

No, we can't get that
past the advertising person.

- Scrimpton.
- Scrimpton?

Yeah.

Ricky had two goes and you
accepted his second one.

Well, I think we've...

I think we've
sorted out the future.

Wow.

Since obviously the days
of Nostradamus,

there's been many people who've
tried to foresee the future.

Karl, I'm not sure
if you're familiar

but there's endless,
you know, predictions.

Apparently the are other planets
that may collide with ours.

You know there's some
scientific basis on this.

But if you knew with certainty that
today was the end of the world,

how would you spend
that final day?

So, for instance, I've always
wanted to smash up a bar.

Do you know what I mean?
It seems strange

but I've always wanted
the exhilaration

of just smashing all those
bottles like you see in a film.

But would you enjoy
it as much knowing

that you were gonna die
in eight hours?

I don't know. I suppose it's the
sense of abandon, you know?

Maybe I'd murder a person.

- Wow. - I don't know,
but I think I'd probably go mental.

I've always been a very
reserved person, you know?

I've never gotten into a fight,
never caused a rumpus.

Yeah, but that's
a worrying thought because

we'd have to have the end of the world
for it to be the end of your world.

'Cause a lot of people know
that they're terminally ill.

So they don't go around smashing
up bars and killing people.

But I suppose I know there'll
be no repercussions ultimately

- because the next day everyone's gone.
- They're gonna die anyway.

So there's not gonna
be mourning families.

But then how dare you
deprive that person

of his last eight hours
or 10 hours of life?

Um, I don't care because
it's the last day on earth.

What would you do?

I've always wanted
to kick a duck up the ass.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0