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1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,729
Anyone watching,
2
00:00:03,730 --> 00:00:06,899
thinking we know fuck all about
knowing fuck all about owt
3
00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:08,869
needs to watch their backs.
4
00:00:08,870 --> 00:00:12,299
So, you've had your Labour
reclassifying skunk,
5
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:14,239
sending prices sky high.
6
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:15,709
Literally.
7
00:00:15,710 --> 00:00:18,659
Literally taking the grass
from its own roots.
8
00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:20,869
Now you've got your ConDemNation,
9
00:00:20,870 --> 00:00:24,519
Liberals noshing Tories
like altar boys picking dimps up.
10
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,949
Have we have
a national fucking stroke, or what?
11
00:00:27,950 --> 00:00:30,879
Is revolution a word...
12
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,359
or was it never?
13
00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,549
Anybody watching needs to know,
14
00:00:34,550 --> 00:00:37,979
we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
15
00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:41,169
Well, for fuck's sake, we live
in Manchester.
16
00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:44,099
And they charge us for water.
17
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,309
I wandered lonely as a cloud,
18
00:00:46,310 --> 00:00:48,759
necking mushrooms rarely found.
19
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,919
Green and pleasant land
and ancient times...
20
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,119
Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak!
21
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,279
It's not theirs any more.
22
00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,729
This is our England now.
23
00:01:00,730 --> 00:01:02,939
Party!
24
00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:08,000
25
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,999
'Money, of itself,
26
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,209
'has no value.
27
00:01:13,210 --> 00:01:15,419
'It's just...paper.
28
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:17,359
'Can't let it rule your life.
29
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,560
'Don't get me wrong,
I'd rather be with than without.'
30
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,159
'Heat. Shelter. Food.
31
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,600
'Luxury items. Baubles.'
32
00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:33,519
'They're not the stuff of life.
33
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,429
'People are the stuff of life.
34
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,879
'So long as none get too close.
35
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,320
'Never close enough to hurt.'
36
00:01:44,050 --> 00:01:46,980
'Money buys...independence.'
37
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,890
'Self sufficiency.'
38
00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:54,319
'And I am...
39
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,529
'I must be...
40
00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:58,240
'self sufficient.'
41
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,989
Fuck are you doing here?
42
00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:11,440
I live here.
What the fuck are you doing here?
43
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,300
What happened?
44
00:02:18,301 --> 00:02:20,989
You didn't fancy walking home.
45
00:02:20,990 --> 00:02:24,659
Kettle on, eh? And see to Cilla
for us, I'm shattered.
46
00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:26,600
That's cos you've been guzzling
drink half the night.
47
00:02:26,601 --> 00:02:28,809
Which you never do!
48
00:02:28,810 --> 00:02:30,780
I don't even remember
leaving the pub.
49
00:02:30,781 --> 00:02:33,469
Oh, fuck it! You were on
good form, we all were.
50
00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:35,919
That's how we carried
it on back here...
51
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:36,640
We?
52
00:02:36,641 --> 00:02:38,360
Karen came. Slept in with Ruby.
53
00:02:39,590 --> 00:02:40,810
It was a good night!
54
00:02:40,811 --> 00:02:42,039
Kettle's on.
55
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,979
Hey! Don't do half a job.
56
00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:46,430
Get us a fucking cuppa!
57
00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:51,319
Look at the state of this, eh?
58
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,288
Thought girls were supposed
to be tidy,
59
00:02:53,289 --> 00:02:54,760
not getting all drunk and messy.
60
00:02:54,761 --> 00:02:57,199
You're not going to be like that,
are you?
61
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,430
You're a good girl.
62
00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:17,749
As long as you keep betting,
I'll keep taking your money.
63
00:03:17,750 --> 00:03:19,210
End of the week.
64
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,179
Got a job.
65
00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:22,158
I'm busy.
66
00:03:22,159 --> 00:03:22,880
Can't it wait?
67
00:03:22,881 --> 00:03:25,089
If I wanted it to.
68
00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:26,319
But I don't.
69
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,749
Why don't you ask these two?
He's a gangster's apprentice,
70
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,688
and I happen to know
he needs a bit of cash
71
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:32,920
to pay off his gambling debt.
72
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:35,840
You up to it?
73
00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:37,809
Course, it's about time!
74
00:03:37,810 --> 00:03:39,279
What's in it for me?
75
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,719
How much do you owe Shane?
76
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:42,710
40 quid.
77
00:03:42,711 --> 00:03:44,649
Then let's call it 45.
78
00:03:44,650 --> 00:03:46,140
Clear your gambling debts,
79
00:03:46,141 --> 00:03:49,309
still enough left over for
a bag of sherbet lemons.
80
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:51,999
Money. Address.
Don't come back empty handed, eh?
81
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,459
I won't.
82
00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:54,949
Take the Merc.
83
00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:58,120
He doesn't drive if you want
to keep your testicles.
84
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:04,980
I need a word.
85
00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:06,439
Platypus.
86
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,669
Plat...?
87
00:04:07,670 --> 00:04:09,129
Duck. Part otter.
88
00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:12,559
I know what it is.
The only egg-laying mammal.
89
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:13,520
It's a word.
90
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,418
So, is it positive or not?
91
00:04:18,419 --> 00:04:19,638
I can't tell, cos its smashed.
92
00:04:19,639 --> 00:04:20,390
And who was...?
93
00:04:20,391 --> 00:04:21,850
Your mam, Karen, Gloria.
94
00:04:27,730 --> 00:04:30,659
It's totally irresponsible
if one of them is up the duff.
95
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:33,349
So are you and my mam trying
for another one?
96
00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:36,779
Well, it depends what you mean
by trying.
97
00:04:36,780 --> 00:04:40,209
I mean, are you fucking my mother
with the intention of getting her pregnant?
98
00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:42,659
I've been double bagging lately.
99
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,600
Cos we've been doing
a lot of back door first.
100
00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:47,529
Most of the time, she just
finishes me off with a blowy.
101
00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:49,020
She does swallow, though, so...
102
00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:51,709
Cos swallowing's
a big pregnancy risk, is it?
103
00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:53,650
Oh, yeah. Shit.
It could be Karen.
104
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,320
I can't believe your mam
wouldn't tell me.
105
00:04:57,321 --> 00:04:59,049
Hey!
106
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,520
Bit of luck, might be Gloria's.
107
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:07,599
"In the beginning was the Word.
108
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,559
"The Word was with God.
109
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,269
"The Word was God.
110
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,719
"The same was in the beginning
with God.
111
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,159
"All things were made through Him...
112
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,360
"..but without Him
was not anything made..."
113
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,690
"There was a man sent from God
whose name was John..."
114
00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:53,840
I'll ask her to give you a call
and rearrange, if that's OK?
115
00:05:53,841 --> 00:05:55,069
All right.
116
00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:56,288
I'm sorry about that.
It's all right. OK.
117
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:56,768
Ta-ra now.
118
00:05:56,769 --> 00:05:57,760
See you.
119
00:06:02,890 --> 00:06:04,379
How many more?
120
00:06:04,380 --> 00:06:06,320
Another two, maybe.
121
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,220
I just can't face her today.
122
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,370
If there was anything wrong,
you would tell me, wouldn't you?
123
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:17,820
I'm just hungover.
124
00:06:17,821 --> 00:06:20,029
This seems fine.
125
00:06:20,030 --> 00:06:22,239
Not as good as your own,
but it'll do for a bit.
126
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:23,199
Here.
127
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,909
What happened to my own phone?
128
00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:28,089
It's in the bin,
stinking of cheap lager.
129
00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:30,060
You dropped it in
a pint pot last night.
130
00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,120
I really need to fucking behave.
131
00:06:39,110 --> 00:06:41,559
Popular.
132
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,000
Or unpopular.
133
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,049
For fuck's sake.
134
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,020
You're sure you got
the right address?
135
00:06:55,021 --> 00:06:57,469
Its not an address, it's a location.
136
00:06:57,470 --> 00:06:59,409
The Sat Nav says I have.
137
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:00,400
Maybe we should just...
138
00:07:00,401 --> 00:07:02,099
The paper says wait.
139
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:04,548
It's freaking me out, this shit,
man. It could be a set-up.
140
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,758
They could have guns.
We could wake up in a ditch,
141
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,220
bullets in the back of our heads.
142
00:07:08,221 --> 00:07:10,669
Nah, it's a few steaks
for a meat raffle.
143
00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:13,860
If it's a few steaks, why have you
got an envelope filled with notes?
144
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,790
He's got a gun!
145
00:07:22,670 --> 00:07:23,650
This is private land.
146
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,600
Jamie Maguire sent us.
147
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:36,850
Come.
148
00:07:54,470 --> 00:07:57,899
I'm not quite sure this is
what Jamie had in mind.
149
00:07:57,900 --> 00:07:59,599
It's 300lb of quality beef.
150
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,070
But it's still whole!
151
00:08:07,430 --> 00:08:09,400
Not for long.
152
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,769
Traded Jackson in for
a younger model?
153
00:08:26,770 --> 00:08:28,719
Can recommend it if you have.
154
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:29,940
He's just a mate from work.
155
00:08:29,941 --> 00:08:31,909
Is he the one that...?
156
00:08:31,910 --> 00:08:35,079
Uppers to keep himself working,
downers to get some sleep.
157
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,279
He's sorted himself out now, though.
158
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,248
I wouldn't kick him out of bed
for dropping crumbs.
159
00:08:39,249 --> 00:08:40,720
You two getting on, then?
160
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:41,939
Behave!
161
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:43,639
He's just a laugh, that's all.
162
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,850
I'm just going to...
163
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,019
Right. First of all,
164
00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:51,729
we've all popped a few pills in
our time, so don't judge me.
165
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:54,659
Secondly, if you were 20 years
younger, I'd have you, crumbs or not.
166
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:58,330
And as for Mrs Robinson, well!
The night is still young.
167
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,780
Looks like he's hung. Is he hung?
168
00:09:04,450 --> 00:09:06,639
Can I have a beer?
169
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,080
Thought we might have a quiet night
in, just the two of us.
170
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,309
Why?
171
00:09:10,310 --> 00:09:13,000
We'll get an Indian, curl up,
watch something.
172
00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:15,710
Have you got something you
want to tell me?
173
00:09:15,711 --> 00:09:18,400
That I want to get a take-out
and watch a film.
174
00:09:28,430 --> 00:09:29,649
Are you...?
175
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,359
What?
176
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,319
Putting on a bit of weight?
177
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,009
Why would you ask any woman
a question like that?
178
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:36,970
I'm just saying.
179
00:09:36,971 --> 00:09:39,419
Well, that's like me just saying,
180
00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:41,629
"Not to worry,
size really doesn't matter."
181
00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:45,779
I wasn't having a go,
I just thought, maybe you'd...
182
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:47,270
skipped a period, that's all.
183
00:09:47,271 --> 00:09:51,419
No. I had my period last week.
184
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,389
Remember?
185
00:09:53,390 --> 00:09:55,809
You did that thing.
186
00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:58,259
Oh! Of course.
187
00:09:58,260 --> 00:10:00,969
Just after you did that other thing.
188
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:02,440
Yes.
189
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:06,830
Can't eat that now, can I?
190
00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:10,020
Size isn't really an issue, is it?
191
00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:15,160
Hiya, love!
192
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:16,619
Any sign of your Shane?
193
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:19,309
He was in this morning.
Tried his moby?
194
00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:22,499
Straight to voice-mail.
Never showed today.
195
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:23,960
Don't bring me in here...
196
00:10:23,961 --> 00:10:26,889
Thought she was on an early?
Been here since she finished?
197
00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:29,339
Been cackling all afternoon.
198
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:31,549
Do you know him?
199
00:10:31,550 --> 00:10:33,489
A mate from her work. Nice kid.
200
00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:36,919
More man than boy.
201
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,130
Behave!
202
00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:46,240
Feeling rough?
203
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,629
Come in. Please,
make yourself at home.
204
00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:52,839
Is it mine?
205
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,780
How could you be so stupid?
206
00:10:57,470 --> 00:11:00,659
For fuck's sake! I need to know
what you're going to do.
207
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,110
Do you have any
idea what this could do to Karen?
208
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,239
Well, the last thing
on my mind right now is...
209
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,929
how your wife may or may not react
210
00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:13,620
to what I might have to tell her.
211
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,469
Please.
212
00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:22,670
I need to know.
213
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:56,000
Gloria, your phone. Either
answer it or change the ring tone.
214
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,660
It's been doing my head in all day.
215
00:11:57,661 --> 00:11:59,860
I'm busy.
216
00:12:01,570 --> 00:12:03,510
Persistent, aren't they?
Is it a fella?
217
00:12:03,511 --> 00:12:04,499
I wish.
218
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,939
Just tell me, is everything OK?
219
00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:11,100
Will you stop asking me that?!
It's getting on my nerves.
220
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:16,500
Yeah? Hang on a minute. She's here.
221
00:12:26,020 --> 00:12:28,979
Jack and The Beanstalk,
is it, this year?
222
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,420
My favourite panto.
I don't know how you do it, though.
223
00:12:31,421 --> 00:12:33,609
It'd play havoc with my back.
224
00:12:33,610 --> 00:12:34,590
What are you on about?
225
00:12:34,591 --> 00:12:38,259
The back end. Bent double,
eight shows a week.
226
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:41,699
Who decides who's
up front and behind?
227
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:43,400
Certainly lifelike.
228
00:12:45,370 --> 00:12:47,820
Pace yourself, you've started early.
229
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:58,090
I took out a loan.
About nine weeks ago.
230
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,759
But you've got about
five credit cards already.
231
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,210
Which is why I needed a loan.
232
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:13,019
It was all legit, up front. Applied
online. Pay-day loan company.
233
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,479
How much did you borrow?
234
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:15,699
1,200.
235
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:18,389
I thought these companies
are supposed to limit
236
00:13:18,390 --> 00:13:19,859
how much you can have.
237
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:24,269
Not my first time. Used my
credit cards to make the payments.
238
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:28,420
If you ever did any tidying,
you'd have noticed this.
239
00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:37,470
I've kind of run out of options.
240
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:42,849
Jesus, Gloria! 4,300% APR!
241
00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:44,578
Yeah, but you can't
count it like that.
242
00:13:44,579 --> 00:13:45,800
If you pay it back
when you're supposed to...
243
00:13:45,801 --> 00:13:47,979
Have you paid anything back?
244
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:50,939
And it's them that are
constantly calling you?
245
00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:52,400
40 missed calls yesterday.
246
00:13:52,401 --> 00:13:55,330
You borrowed 1,200 quid nine weeks
ago, how much do you owe now?
247
00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:58,760
Five grand.
248
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,430
And counting.
249
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,719
What's that?
250
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:12,699
A cow.
251
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:15,389
Feel free to elaborate.
252
00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:19,569
We'll get it shifted as soon as
we've got somewhere to shift it to.
253
00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:21,509
Its name's Alan.
254
00:14:21,510 --> 00:14:22,499
Alan.
255
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:23,959
Alan the Cow?
256
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,649
You do know cows are girls?
257
00:14:26,650 --> 00:14:28,110
Tell me about it.
258
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,820
Jamie sent us to get it.
259
00:14:30,821 --> 00:14:32,769
Is this for the meat raffle?
260
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:33,989
Shhhh!
261
00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:36,199
It's not as if she can
understand me, is it?
262
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,409
Animals can sense things.
263
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,589
Yeah, dogs know when
earthquakes are coming.
264
00:14:40,590 --> 00:14:43,040
So, Alan was supposed to be...
265
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:50,140
Couldn't do it. Look at her eyes.
266
00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:55,279
Alan's grown on us.
Cracking little personality.
267
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:56,979
No wonder you couldn't kill her,
268
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,950
you should never give
your dinner a name.
269
00:14:58,951 --> 00:15:00,659
Can you keep quiet about it?
270
00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:03,099
As long as you can
do the same with her.
271
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,789
I don't want waking up
in the wee small hours,
272
00:15:05,790 --> 00:15:07,520
when she's mooing to be milked.
273
00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:11,909
Look at her udders!
They're near exploding already.
274
00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:15,100
ALAN MOOS
275
00:15:16,810 --> 00:15:18,509
Fuck!
276
00:15:18,510 --> 00:15:19,738
You're doing it.
277
00:15:19,739 --> 00:15:20,478
No, you're doing it!
278
00:15:20,479 --> 00:15:21,700
No, you're doing it!
279
00:15:22,930 --> 00:15:24,389
Should've just told me.
280
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:27,819
We could ask them to freeze it,
give you a chance to catch up?
281
00:15:27,820 --> 00:15:30,268
They say that. Worst thing
you can do is ignore it.
282
00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:32,478
That might be what they say
when Anne Robinson phones.
283
00:15:32,479 --> 00:15:34,420
But reality's
a little bit different.
284
00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:41,529
How the fuck am I going
to raise �5,000, Dom?
285
00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:42,750
How long have you got?
286
00:15:42,751 --> 00:15:45,200
Two days.
287
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,349
Why did you leave it
to the last minute?
288
00:15:49,350 --> 00:15:51,559
Because if I told you, you'd say,
289
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,739
"Why did you leave it
to the last minute?"
290
00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:57,179
All right, I'll put the feelers out,
291
00:15:57,180 --> 00:15:59,860
see if I can call in some favours.
292
00:16:01,330 --> 00:16:02,550
Five grand's worth?
293
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:08,670
I'm still a priest.
I have the power of Guilt.
294
00:16:35,340 --> 00:16:38,769
Shane would know.
Just tug it a bit harder.
295
00:16:38,770 --> 00:16:40,230
I don't want to hurt her,
and I'm scared of pulling it off.
296
00:16:40,231 --> 00:16:42,439
Try a different hand action.
297
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:43,420
You try a different
fuckin' hand action!
298
00:16:43,421 --> 00:16:45,129
I can't touch it, I'm a Muslim.
299
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,590
It's Hindus with cows.
300
00:16:47,820 --> 00:16:49,040
Can't you... like...?
301
00:16:50,770 --> 00:16:52,709
I'm not wanking a cow off!
302
00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:53,940
It's tits, not a cock!
303
00:16:53,941 --> 00:16:58,350
Listen, she's called Alan, I am not
wanking off anyone called Alan!
304
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:07,880
Doesn't bother you?
305
00:17:07,881 --> 00:17:09,369
No. Why would it?
306
00:17:09,370 --> 00:17:10,568
Power to your elbow.
307
00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:12,540
Can I have a glass
of water please, babes?
308
00:17:12,541 --> 00:17:16,949
I was just saying to your fella,
a lot of men would be intimidated.
309
00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:20,119
She's always been a total
fag-hag. Doesn't bother me.
310
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,820
What's that got to do with anything?
311
00:17:21,821 --> 00:17:24,029
I don't mind the gays.
I'm cool with it.
312
00:17:24,030 --> 00:17:27,459
Two points. Firstly, you better
be all right with "the gays."
313
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,669
Secondly, Calum's not one of them.
314
00:17:29,670 --> 00:17:30,899
Yes, he is.
315
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,359
No, he's not.
316
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:35,289
Look at the way he dresses.
317
00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:36,270
He's a nice dresser.
318
00:17:36,271 --> 00:17:37,979
Yeah, but... his hair.
319
00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:41,889
And he definitely moisturises.
320
00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:45,559
Doesn't make him gay. Soft skin
ain't no bad thing for the ladies.
321
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:49,229
I can't be doing with stubble
rash on the inside of my thighs.
322
00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:51,200
Mimi!
323
00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:54,609
Need a word, mate.
324
00:17:54,610 --> 00:17:55,589
About?
325
00:17:55,590 --> 00:17:57,320
Your pregnant sister.
326
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:14,188
Y'all right, Jamie?
327
00:18:14,189 --> 00:18:15,180
Yes, mate.
328
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:19,090
Do you know what she's going to do?
329
00:18:19,091 --> 00:18:21,299
I can't believe she didn't tell me.
330
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,999
She normally tells me everything.
331
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,699
This could fuck everything up!
332
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:28,639
I take it you won't be putting a
notice in the Manchester Evening News
333
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,549
announcing your paternity cos
it's all about you, isn't it Jamie?
334
00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:34,999
Karen can't find out.
335
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,220
Oh, yes she can.
336
00:18:36,221 --> 00:18:38,909
It's only words exchanged.
Can't see our Gloria telling her.
337
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,099
You weren't exactly
the love of her life.
338
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:44,290
How did she put it?
"You were just a fuck". That's all.
339
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,659
Find out what she's going to do.
340
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:52,619
What? Run back here and tell you?
341
00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:53,840
And why would I do that?
342
00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:43,259
What you doing?
343
00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:43,978
Where's the condoms?
344
00:19:43,979 --> 00:19:45,200
I flushed them.
345
00:19:45,201 --> 00:19:48,629
You never normally flush them,
you normally tell me to do it.
346
00:19:48,630 --> 00:19:51,319
You were asleep,
they were on the floor.
347
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,270
I didn't want Cilla toddling in
and picking them up, did I?
348
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,679
Are you all right?
349
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,890
Are you trying to trick me
into getting you pregnant?
350
00:20:00,870 --> 00:20:02,099
What?
351
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,019
Are you saving up
my spunk from the condoms,
352
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:07,709
and pouring it into yourself
while I'm sleeping?
353
00:20:07,710 --> 00:20:08,700
You're behaving really weird.
354
00:20:08,701 --> 00:20:12,609
Because, clearly,
you're the rational one!
355
00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:14,819
Just so's you know,
356
00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:20,429
squishing jizz out of condoms has
never been top of my "To Do" list.
357
00:20:20,430 --> 00:20:23,379
Are you trying to get pregnant?
358
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,090
Don't be soft.
359
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:30,970
I've got the horn, now.
360
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:34,380
Come on.
361
00:20:58,110 --> 00:21:00,799
This barging in is
getting a bit old, isn't it?
362
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,009
Yeah, well,
extenuating circumstances.
363
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:05,219
Dominic's upstairs.
364
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,420
I've just passed him
on his way to Mass.
365
00:21:08,890 --> 00:21:10,590
Creature of habit, your brother.
366
00:21:16,470 --> 00:21:19,899
I made some enquiries. Thought you
might want to get out of town,
367
00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:23,070
so there's more than enough there
for hotel and travel if you need it.
368
00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:26,980
The fee seems pretty consistent,
clinic to clinic.
369
00:21:29,190 --> 00:21:31,640
Please don't take any chances.
370
00:21:33,340 --> 00:21:36,300
Go somewhere decent,
where they'll look after you.
371
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:39,700
Your concern is touching.
372
00:21:41,190 --> 00:21:43,879
You seem to have it all worked out.
373
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,058
I'm just trying to help.
There's six grand there.
374
00:21:46,059 --> 00:21:47,290
If you need any more, just ask.
375
00:21:47,291 --> 00:21:49,260
I'll be sure to do that.
376
00:22:00,030 --> 00:22:01,739
D'you need me to come with you?
377
00:22:01,740 --> 00:22:06,390
I think it'd be better all round
if you just fuck off. 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:40,269
378
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:41,730
I don't want to hurt her,
and I'm scared of pulling it off.
379
00:16:41,731 --> 00:16:43,939
Try a different hand action.
380
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:44,920
You try a different
fuckin' hand action!
381
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,629
I can't touch it, I'm a Muslim.
382
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,090
It's Hindus with cows.
383
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,540
Can't you... like...?
384
00:16:52,270 --> 00:16:54,209
I'm not wanking a cow off!
385
00:16:54,210 --> 00:16:55,440
It's tits, not a cock!
386
00:16:55,441 --> 00:16:59,850
Listen, she's called Alan, I am not
wanking off anyone called Alan!
387
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,380
Doesn't bother you?
388
00:17:09,381 --> 00:17:10,869
No. Why would it?
389
00:17:10,870 --> 00:17:12,068
Power to your elbow.
390
00:17:12,069 --> 00:17:14,040
Can I have a glass
of water please, babes?
391
00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:18,449
I was just saying to your fella,
a lot of men would be intimidated.
392
00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:21,619
She's always been a total
fag-hag. Doesn't bother me.
393
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,320
What's that got to do with anything?
394
00:17:23,321 --> 00:17:25,529
I don't mind the gays.
I'm cool with it.
395
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:28,959
Two points. Firstly, you better
be all right with "the gays."
396
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,169
Secondly, Calum's not one of them.
397
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:32,399
Yes, he is.
398
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,859
No, he's not.
399
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:36,789
Look at the way he dresses.
400
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:37,770
He's a nice dresser.
401
00:17:37,771 --> 00:17:39,479
Yeah, but... his hair.
402
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,389
And he definitely moisturises.
403
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:47,059
Doesn't make him gay. Soft skin
ain't no bad thing for the ladies.
404
00:17:47,060 --> 00:17:50,729
I can't be doing with stubble
rash on the inside of my thighs.
405
00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:52,700
Mimi!
406
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,109
Need a word, mate.
407
00:17:56,110 --> 00:17:57,089
About?
408
00:17:57,090 --> 00:17:58,820
Your pregnant sister.
409
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:15,688
Y'all right, Jamie?
410
00:18:15,689 --> 00:18:16,680
Yes, mate.
411
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,590
Do you know what she's going to do?
412
00:18:20,591 --> 00:18:22,799
I can't believe she didn't tell me.
413
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,499
She normally tells me everything.
414
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,199
This could fuck everything up!
415
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:30,139
I take it you won't be putting a
notice in the Manchester Evening News
416
00:18:30,140 --> 00:18:34,049
announcing your paternity cos
it's all about you, isn't it Jamie?
417
00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:36,499
Karen can't find out.
418
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,720
Oh, yes she can.
419
00:18:37,721 --> 00:18:40,409
It's only words exchanged.
Can't see our Gloria telling her.
420
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,599
You weren't exactly
the love of her life.
421
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,790
How did she put it?
"You were just a fuck". That's all.
422
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:51,159
Find out what she's going to do.
423
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,119
What? Run back here and tell you?
424
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,340
And why would I do that?
425
00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:44,759
What you doing?
426
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:45,478
Where's the condoms?
427
00:19:45,479 --> 00:19:46,700
I flushed them.
428
00:19:46,701 --> 00:19:50,129
You never normally flush them,
you normally tell me to do it.
429
00:19:50,130 --> 00:19:52,819
You were asleep,
they were on the floor.
430
00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:55,770
I didn't want Cilla toddling in
and picking them up, did I?
431
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,179
Are you all right?
432
00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:01,390
Are you trying to trick me
into getting you pregnant?
433
00:20:02,370 --> 00:20:03,599
What?
434
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,519
Are you saving up
my spunk from the condoms,
435
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,209
and pouring it into yourself
while I'm sleeping?
436
00:20:09,210 --> 00:20:10,200
You're behaving really weird.
437
00:20:10,201 --> 00:20:14,109
Because, clearly,
you're the rational one!
438
00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:16,319
Just so's you know,
439
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:21,929
squishing jizz out of condoms has
never been top of my "To Do" list.
440
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:24,879
Are you trying to get pregnant?
441
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,590
Don't be soft.
442
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,470
I've got the horn, now.
443
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,880
Come on.
444
00:20:59,610 --> 00:21:02,299
This barging in is
getting a bit old, isn't it?
445
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,509
Yeah, well,
extenuating circumstances.
446
00:21:04,510 --> 00:21:06,719
Dominic's upstairs.
447
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,920
I've just passed him
on his way to Mass.
448
00:21:10,390 --> 00:21:12,090
Creature of habit, your brother.
449
00:21:17,970 --> 00:21:21,399
I made some enquiries. Thought you
might want to get out of town,
450
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,570
so there's more than enough there
for hotel and travel if you need it.
451
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,480
The fee seems pretty consistent,
clinic to clinic.
452
00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:33,140
Please don't take any chances.
453
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,800
Go somewhere decent,
where they'll look after you.
454
00:21:39,740 --> 00:21:41,200
Your concern is touching.
455
00:21:42,690 --> 00:21:45,379
You seem to have it all worked out.
456
00:21:45,380 --> 00:21:47,558
I'm just trying to help.
There's six grand there.
457
00:21:47,559 --> 00:21:48,790
If you need any more, just ask.
458
00:21:48,791 --> 00:21:50,760
I'll be sure to do that.
459
00:22:01,530 --> 00:22:03,239
D'you need me to come with you?
460
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:07,890
I think it'd be better all round
if you just fuck off.
461
00:22:16,970 --> 00:22:19,178
It's only a matter of time
before someone lets slip
462
00:22:19,179 --> 00:22:20,640
that there's a cow on the estate.
463
00:22:20,641 --> 00:22:23,839
Do yourself a favour, mate. Don't
Google "milking" on the internet.
464
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,540
Won't come back the way you thought.
465
00:22:25,541 --> 00:22:28,730
I saw one on YouTube, said you
have to be quite firm with the...
466
00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:31,180
teats.
467
00:22:33,870 --> 00:22:37,039
I was telling Lillian
about Alan and she said,
468
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,989
"There's always someone somewhere
willing to pay over the odds
469
00:22:39,990 --> 00:22:43,399
"to get off on it."
And she was right. Meet Eric.
470
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,599
By day, Planning Officer
from Rochdale.
471
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,049
By night, Heidi fetishist.
472
00:22:48,050 --> 00:22:49,040
Heidi?
473
00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:51,719
Yes, Helmut?
474
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,669
I have finished the milking.
475
00:22:53,670 --> 00:22:54,890
May I go, Mutter?
476
00:22:54,891 --> 00:22:56,620
Jawohl.
477
00:22:59,790 --> 00:23:01,760
You can keep all the milk.
478
00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:10,319
It's warm.
479
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,030
It's a fucking
bodily fluid, dickhead!
480
00:23:13,730 --> 00:23:17,159
I don't care if it's legal,
what you do is a disgrace!
481
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,870
Legalised loan-sharking.
482
00:23:20,090 --> 00:23:23,040
Please, just call me back
when you get this message.
483
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,319
Right. We have one day
to get hold of five grand.
484
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,019
Miracles happen.
485
00:23:35,020 --> 00:23:39,199
Think we deserve one? I have
some friends in very low places.
486
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,880
Try not to worry.
487
00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:46,520
Think of the baby.
488
00:23:49,230 --> 00:23:50,689
He told you?
489
00:23:50,690 --> 00:23:53,620
Yeah. Why didn't you?
490
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,070
Because I'm not.
491
00:23:57,530 --> 00:23:58,520
What?
492
00:23:59,740 --> 00:24:01,439
Why did he say you are?
493
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,129
Because he's just
an arrogant bastard,
494
00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:06,839
who decided to do all the talking
and no listening.
495
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,520
Gloria, I could've told you that!
496
00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:14,670
You should let him know.
497
00:24:16,130 --> 00:24:17,600
I will.
498
00:24:39,630 --> 00:24:41,329
I'll call you back.
499
00:24:41,330 --> 00:24:45,239
That's supposed to be in portions
at the bottom of the freezer by now.
500
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:45,988
And it will be.
501
00:24:45,989 --> 00:24:47,450
Just doing a spot of marketing.
502
00:24:47,451 --> 00:24:49,899
Letting people see what
they'll get if they win.
503
00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:51,360
A free pint of milk with
every strip of tickets sold.
504
00:24:51,361 --> 00:24:52,829
Pretty enterprising.
505
00:24:52,830 --> 00:24:56,019
If I'd known you weren't up to it,
I wouldn't have wasted my time.
506
00:24:56,020 --> 00:24:57,239
I'm up to it.
507
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:02,859
I've told them, if that thing shits
in here, I'm not cleaning it up.
508
00:25:02,860 --> 00:25:04,319
It's good for the roses.
509
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,550
Not so good for the carpet.
510
00:25:05,551 --> 00:25:07,999
Right, I'm off for a piss.
511
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,198
If that thing's here when
I come back, I'm going to
512
00:25:10,199 --> 00:25:12,168
stick your heads up its fucking arse!
513
00:25:12,169 --> 00:25:13,130
Oh, there's no need.
514
00:25:21,940 --> 00:25:24,149
Mimi's not pregnant.
515
00:25:24,150 --> 00:25:26,120
Stand any closer,
I'm worried I might be.
516
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:34,660
It's not Karen, either, so
we're in the clear. Happy days.
517
00:25:36,390 --> 00:25:39,319
Are you not going to
wash your hands?
518
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,239
I just make sure
not to piss on my fingers.
519
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:43,729
Oh right, yeah.
520
00:25:43,730 --> 00:25:48,359
No, I understand, yeah.
Thanks for trying anyway.
521
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,329
Everything all right?
522
00:25:50,330 --> 00:25:52,780
Never realised how many
fair-weather friends I had.
523
00:25:52,781 --> 00:25:54,719
Y'know, when I had my own parish,
524
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,688
they were tripping over
themselves to help me out.
525
00:25:56,689 --> 00:25:58,160
Well, welcome to the real world.
526
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,310
If there's anything I can do...
527
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,260
Now you're offering me favours?
528
00:26:05,261 --> 00:26:07,710
I trade in favours.
529
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,029
Yeah, Charlie, it's Dom. Look, er,
530
00:26:15,030 --> 00:26:17,240
I need to earn
some money pretty quickly.
531
00:26:18,220 --> 00:26:19,200
Yeah.
532
00:26:21,410 --> 00:26:22,880
No, it's good.
533
00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:10,589
How many tickets, Gloria?
534
00:27:10,590 --> 00:27:11,809
Sorry?
535
00:27:11,810 --> 00:27:13,520
Meat raffle at the Jockey, tomorrow.
536
00:27:13,521 --> 00:27:17,910
Five quid of tickets could
get you 50 quid of meat.
537
00:27:19,130 --> 00:27:20,360
That's a dairy cow, boys.
538
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,529
It's not bred for meat.
539
00:27:24,530 --> 00:27:26,239
It'll taste like feet.
540
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:27,460
Jamie never said owt.
541
00:27:27,461 --> 00:27:29,910
Maybe he was giving you enough rope.
542
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:35,040
What we going to do?
543
00:27:35,041 --> 00:27:37,969
We only have to sell it, not eat it.
544
00:27:37,970 --> 00:27:41,909
Tastes like feet, fuck it.
It's got fuck-all to do with us.
545
00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:43,369
Come on, Alan.
546
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:44,840
Come on, Alan.
547
00:27:48,990 --> 00:27:50,450
Everything all right?
548
00:27:52,420 --> 00:27:53,398
You're keeping it?
549
00:27:53,399 --> 00:27:54,870
I'm not pregnant. I never was.
550
00:27:54,871 --> 00:27:57,319
Why did you lie? Was it a scam?
551
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,479
Fuck you! I never lied.
552
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:01,709
You told me...
553
00:28:01,710 --> 00:28:05,879
I told you nothing. You're
the one who barged into my home,
554
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,830
full of presumptions,
like the Big Alpha Male,
555
00:28:07,831 --> 00:28:09,529
and came to your own conclusions.
556
00:28:09,530 --> 00:28:11,020
Yeah, well you could
have contradicted me.
557
00:28:11,021 --> 00:28:13,949
It's not my job to tell an idiot
when he's been an idiot.
558
00:28:13,950 --> 00:28:15,650
I've better things
to do with my time.
559
00:28:15,651 --> 00:28:18,099
Oh, but I tell you
what was interesting, though,
560
00:28:18,100 --> 00:28:20,789
seeing how you would have reacted
had I been pregnant.
561
00:28:20,790 --> 00:28:24,959
"Oh, don't worry your pretty
little head. Leave it to the men".
562
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:26,669
Wasn't like that.
563
00:28:26,670 --> 00:28:28,639
What was it like?
564
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,559
A woman I cared very much about,
who now decides to avoid me
565
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,250
like the plague, may have been
pregnant with my child...
566
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,399
but was choosing
to hide it from me.
567
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,610
That's what it was like.
568
00:28:45,030 --> 00:28:46,969
Go back to Karen.
569
00:28:46,970 --> 00:28:49,419
Play happy families.
570
00:28:49,420 --> 00:28:52,850
I don't need you. Or your money.
571
00:29:01,180 --> 00:29:02,380
Right, tighten that.
572
00:29:02,381 --> 00:29:05,569
Are you sure about this, Father?
573
00:29:05,570 --> 00:29:08,499
Circuit training's one thing,
but fighting's totally different.
574
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:09,720
Yeah, I'm sure, Charlie.
575
00:29:09,721 --> 00:29:12,169
You really are desperate,
aren't you?
576
00:29:12,170 --> 00:29:13,399
I am that.
577
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,080
When was the last time you ran
further than the length of yourself?
578
00:29:17,570 --> 00:29:19,999
I've got a great tolerance for pain.
579
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,709
Everyone's in with
a punching chance. Five grand, yeah?
580
00:29:22,710 --> 00:29:25,879
I've laid bets.
If you win, you'll clear five.
581
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:29,069
Honestly. Who is this guy?
How good is he?
582
00:29:29,070 --> 00:29:30,769
Good enough to give long odds.
583
00:29:30,770 --> 00:29:32,740
Have you put a bet on me, Charlie?
584
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,650
I'm not a betting man, Father.
585
00:29:37,610 --> 00:29:38,600
OK.
586
00:30:17,260 --> 00:30:18,240
Oh, fuck!
587
00:30:20,190 --> 00:30:22,399
Half when you're ready, Mimi.
588
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,320
Lover boy's
practically a regular now.
589
00:30:27,530 --> 00:30:29,259
Two nights on the trot, eh?
590
00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:30,718
You only live once, babe.
591
00:30:30,719 --> 00:30:31,948
We're clubbing later,
if you're up for it?
592
00:30:31,949 --> 00:30:33,170
Some other time, maybe.
593
00:30:33,171 --> 00:30:36,339
You're your own boss.
Who's going to pull you up?
594
00:30:36,340 --> 00:30:38,789
Me and Avril've
been there, done that.
595
00:30:38,790 --> 00:30:40,758
Probably while you
were still in nappies.
596
00:30:40,759 --> 00:30:41,980
That's what I'm saying!
Recapture your youth.
597
00:30:41,981 --> 00:30:44,669
Take "No" for an answer, mate.
598
00:30:44,670 --> 00:30:46,879
I might go.
599
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,560
Grab-a-Granny night, is it?
600
00:30:50,790 --> 00:30:52,970
I'm going to shoot some pool.
601
00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:57,389
No of fence,
but he's a fucking idiot.
602
00:30:57,390 --> 00:31:00,559
He can be, but it's
not your place to say.
603
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:01,780
You still coming?
604
00:31:03,270 --> 00:31:05,449
You'd better believe it.
605
00:31:05,450 --> 00:31:07,660
One, two, three!
606
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:10,850
What's this?
607
00:31:11,810 --> 00:31:13,040
Sirloin...
608
00:31:14,020 --> 00:31:15,989
I think.
609
00:31:15,990 --> 00:31:17,690
That's definitely sirloin.
610
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:24,049
I don't know why we didn't
do this in the first place.
611
00:31:24,050 --> 00:31:27,720
Cos it cost another
400 quid of my money!
612
00:31:36,290 --> 00:31:39,720
Stay back, Alan.
You don't want to see this.
613
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,130
What about this?
614
00:32:25,710 --> 00:32:28,160
She's hardly going to hear
her phone in a club, is she?
615
00:32:28,161 --> 00:32:29,859
I wasn't phoning her.
616
00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:31,589
What's with the macho bollocks?
617
00:32:31,590 --> 00:32:33,530
That going to keep
your wife happy, is it?
618
00:32:33,531 --> 00:32:35,979
"I'm so tough, I just don't care."
619
00:32:35,980 --> 00:32:36,959
I care.
620
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:37,950
She fancied a bit of fun.
621
00:32:37,951 --> 00:32:40,159
Remember fun, don't you, Jackson?
622
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,099
We have a good time.
623
00:32:42,100 --> 00:32:44,070
Before or after
you called her an ugly old crone?
624
00:32:44,071 --> 00:32:46,519
I never called her that.
625
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,960
No. "Grab-a-Granny"
was the phrase, wasn't it?
626
00:32:50,190 --> 00:32:52,609
I can look after
my own marriage, thanks.
627
00:32:52,610 --> 00:32:53,600
Course you can.
628
00:32:57,770 --> 00:32:58,730
Gloria?
629
00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:03,870
If you're pissed, Dominic, just go
straight up. I'm not in the mood.
630
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,230
Jesus Christ, Dominic!
631
00:33:10,231 --> 00:33:11,450
I'm fine.
632
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:16,350
It's not as bad as it looks.
633
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:20,760
I couldn't get the money, Sis.
634
00:33:22,470 --> 00:33:23,930
I'm sorry.
635
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,359
This has gone too far.
636
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:28,830
It's got to end.
637
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,639
Best night I've had in a decade.
638
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,319
Stop it. You'll make me sad.
639
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:45,959
Chief cook and bottle washer,
that's my role. Mother and wife.
640
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:51,100
Come here. You're not my mother
and you're not my wife. Mwah!
641
00:33:59,430 --> 00:34:00,650
Oh, fuck...
642
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,560
I know. I'm sorry...
643
00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:01,320
I'm sorry.
644
00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:07,439
Been a bit of a dickhead.
645
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,390
I know.
646
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:19,660
Coming up?
647
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,300
Yeah.
648
00:36:08,210 --> 00:36:09,438
What are you doing?
649
00:36:09,439 --> 00:36:10,640
Stretching a muscle.
650
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:17,019
I don't know whether
I'm coming or going... or coming.
651
00:36:17,020 --> 00:36:18,480
What's fucking eating you now?
652
00:36:26,070 --> 00:36:27,290
Tell me this ain't yours.
653
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,960
Fuck's sake, there goes my erection!
654
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:08,380
Is that him, yeah?
655
00:37:08,381 --> 00:37:09,360
Yeah.
656
00:37:10,590 --> 00:37:12,799
Fucking look at him!
657
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:13,780
The fuck, man?
658
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:16,710
Fuck off!
659
00:37:17,690 --> 00:37:19,899
Fuck off!
660
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,569
Oi! Pack it in and fuck off!
661
00:37:24,570 --> 00:37:25,550
Leg it!
662
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,929
Yeah, yeah, all right, mate.
663
00:37:30,930 --> 00:37:32,150
Yep.
664
00:37:36,070 --> 00:37:37,769
What the fuck's happened to you?
665
00:37:37,770 --> 00:37:39,480
Slipped on a banana skin.
666
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:42,670
I need a favour.
667
00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:55,629
She got herself into a mess with
one of these short-term loans.
668
00:37:55,630 --> 00:37:58,560
It's out of control -
we've tried everything.
669
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,450
She now thinks that the only
thing she can do is to go.
670
00:38:05,420 --> 00:38:07,630
I wouldn't ask
if it wasn't desperate.
671
00:38:08,850 --> 00:38:11,540
If she goes, Jamie,
she won't come back.
672
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:13,990
That might suit me.
673
00:38:15,450 --> 00:38:16,920
You know that isn't true.
674
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:24,500
One condition...
675
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:30,139
she never finds out
it came from me.
676
00:38:30,140 --> 00:38:32,319
I want your word on that, Dom.
677
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,770
Of course.
678
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:38,680
Right.
679
00:38:39,910 --> 00:38:41,880
I'll catch you up, I have business.
680
00:38:46,770 --> 00:38:49,459
Thank you... I'm so grateful.
681
00:38:49,460 --> 00:38:50,920
It was nothing.
682
00:38:51,910 --> 00:38:54,359
I've got folk waiting for me,
er, I'm sorry.
683
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,060
At least stay for a cup of tea.
684
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:04,390
Yeah, it's mine.
685
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:08,060
You lied to me?
686
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,209
I omitted the truth -
that's different.
687
00:39:12,210 --> 00:39:13,200
Only in the dictionary.
688
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,559
I didn't know if I was or I wasn't.
689
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,470
My stage in life, your periods might
not be as regular as they used to be.
690
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,350
Then I got to thinking about it
and kinda liked the idea.
691
00:39:31,290 --> 00:39:32,760
You should've consulted me.
692
00:39:33,980 --> 00:39:35,439
Yeah, I should have...
693
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:39,379
but I didn't want to raise
any false alarms...
694
00:39:39,380 --> 00:39:41,320
then looking stupid.
695
00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:47,680
Are you?
696
00:39:48,670 --> 00:39:49,650
Pregnant?
697
00:39:52,580 --> 00:39:54,040
No, I'm not.
698
00:39:55,270 --> 00:39:58,940
I'm just some stupid old woman who
thought she might've got lucky.
699
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,989
You can have my spunk
any time you want, you know?
700
00:40:07,990 --> 00:40:09,720
I've got a fucking bucket-load.
701
00:40:11,900 --> 00:40:12,640
Ah, thanks love.
702
00:40:26,110 --> 00:40:29,780
That's what a life amounts to these
days, does it? Carry-on luggage?
703
00:40:30,740 --> 00:40:32,950
All the rest is just stuff.
704
00:40:34,170 --> 00:40:35,879
Look...
705
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,589
I'm sorry about this, Dominic.
706
00:40:38,590 --> 00:40:42,500
I really appreciate all your help.
707
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:44,950
Your debt's cleared.
708
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:49,339
How?
709
00:40:49,340 --> 00:40:50,320
A friend.
710
00:40:51,550 --> 00:40:54,240
Your phone should stop ringing now.
711
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,609
How are we going to pay it back?
712
00:40:59,610 --> 00:41:01,100
Slowly.
713
00:41:11,610 --> 00:41:13,079
Special occasion?
714
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,039
Yeah, I'm out with my wife.
715
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,969
You're overdoing it,
it's a bit pukey.
716
00:41:17,970 --> 00:41:19,918
Yeah, you're trying a bit too hard.
717
00:41:19,919 --> 00:41:20,900
Can't win for losing.
718
00:41:24,090 --> 00:41:25,319
You all right?
719
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,260
Something's changed.
720
00:41:30,210 --> 00:41:32,399
What can I get you?
721
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,599
A large gin and tonic and...?
722
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:35,830
I'll have a single
of your finest malt.
723
00:41:35,831 --> 00:41:39,019
Double single malt, please.
724
00:41:39,020 --> 00:41:39,740
What's he done, then?
725
00:41:39,741 --> 00:41:42,690
Oh, he's just been a good brother.
726
00:41:54,670 --> 00:41:58,339
And... Five and four - 54.
727
00:41:58,340 --> 00:42:00,310
House!
728
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,920
This is yours, is it?
729
00:42:08,850 --> 00:42:13,269
Lucky for someone - 13!
730
00:42:13,270 --> 00:42:14,730
Here!
731
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:25,239
Can't wait to see her face when
she's running free again.
732
00:42:25,240 --> 00:42:27,959
Except she doesn't really run,
more like waddles.
733
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:29,420
You sure they have to take her?
734
00:42:29,421 --> 00:42:32,589
It's a fucking petting zoo -
what they going to do, kick her out?
735
00:42:32,590 --> 00:42:34,320
Make her sell the Big Issue?
736
00:42:36,020 --> 00:42:37,720
Where is she...?
737
00:42:38,950 --> 00:42:42,139
Never mind where - how?!
She was tied in a triple knot.
738
00:42:42,140 --> 00:42:45,069
How did she open the door?
739
00:42:45,070 --> 00:42:47,280
Alan!
740
00:42:49,220 --> 00:42:50,439
Alan! Alan!
741
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,169
Alan!
742
00:42:52,170 --> 00:42:52,890
Alan!
743
00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:56,560
Alan!
744
00:42:58,030 --> 00:42:59,760
Come back!
745
00:43:01,700 --> 00:43:02,920
Alan!
746
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,009
Alan! Alan!
747
00:43:11,010 --> 00:43:12,239
Alan! Alan!
748
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:13,459
Alan! Alan!
749
00:43:13,460 --> 00:43:14,420
Alan, where are you?!
750
00:43:22,030 --> 00:43:23,230
She's gone, bro.
751
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:32,780
It's all right, mate.
752
00:43:42,070 --> 00:43:43,050
Was it you?
753
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:46,239
Was what me?
754
00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:48,190
No more games, please.
755
00:43:49,410 --> 00:43:50,640
I don't know what
you're talking about.
756
00:43:50,641 --> 00:43:52,099
OK.
757
00:43:52,100 --> 00:43:54,309
So it wasn't you.
758
00:43:54,310 --> 00:43:55,530
All the same, thank you.
759
00:44:01,410 --> 00:44:02,130
You're welcome.
760
00:44:10,460 --> 00:44:12,430
I didn't want you to leave.
761
00:44:19,030 --> 00:44:21,240
I didn't want to not see you again.
762
00:44:44,230 --> 00:44:46,439
'People are the stuff of life.
763
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:49,840
'People have real worth,
real value...'
764
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:03,310
'..so long as no-one ever gets
close enough to hurt...'
765
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:08,920
'..because no amount of money can
ever protect you from that.'
766
00:45:10,700 --> 00:46:00,000
767
00:46:02,700 --> 00:46:05,000
You must be the one they
call Terry the terrapin.
768
00:46:05,100 --> 00:46:09,000
I've heard speak of you. -And what
do they say of me, Alan the cow?
769
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:12,678
You survived many months in the pocket
of one who soaked in piss and alcohol.
770
00:46:13,001 --> 00:46:14,369
This is true.
771
00:46:14,670 --> 00:46:18,059
And that you have evolved and taken on the
characteristics of the one they call
772
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,000
Frank Gallagher.
773
00:46:20,301 --> 00:46:22,369
This also is true.
774
00:46:22,505 --> 00:46:25,100
We have much to learn from you.
775
00:46:25,205 --> 00:46:27,939
Got any drugs?
776
00:46:27,989 --> 00:46:32,539
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