Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,220 --> 00:00:04,059
Anyone watching
thinking we know fuck all
2
00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:07,593
about knowing fuck all about owt
needs to watch their back.
3
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,379
So you've had your Labour,
reclassifying skunk,
4
00:00:11,380 --> 00:00:13,139
sending prices sky-high,
5
00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:17,699
literally, literally
taking the grass from its own roots.
6
00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:19,859
Now you've got your ConDemNation,
7
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:23,619
Liberals noshing Tories
like altar boys picking dimps up.
8
00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:27,059
Have we had a national fucking stroke
or what?
9
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:29,059
Is revolution a word,
10
00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:30,979
or was it never?
11
00:00:30,980 --> 00:00:33,499
Anybody watching needs to know
12
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,939
we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
13
00:00:36,940 --> 00:00:39,779
Well, for fuck's sake,
we live in Manchester,
14
00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:43,019
and they charge us for water!
15
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:46,059
I wandered lonely as a clown,
16
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:47,779
necking mushrooms rarely found.
17
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:52,139
This green and pleasant land
in ancient times...
18
00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:54,139
Yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak!
19
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:57,419
It's not theirs any more.
20
00:00:57,420 --> 00:01:00,619
This is our England now!
21
00:01:00,620 --> 00:01:02,380
Paaaarty!
22
00:01:02,414 --> 00:01:05,476
23
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,420
♪ LOUD TECHNO MUSIC
24
00:01:21,277 --> 00:01:23,060
'Every uncle or auntie I had
25
00:01:23,061 --> 00:01:26,139
'swore blind that they saw
The Beatles play The Cavern.
26
00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:29,259
'And all you saw down Matthew Street
was people that claimed
27
00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:33,499
'they spat at Johnny Rotten
or danced to Joy Division at Eric's.
28
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,139
'But not me.
29
00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:37,499
'I was too young for those bands.
30
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:40,859
'I always felt that I was never in
the right place at the right time.
31
00:01:40,860 --> 00:01:45,139
'I never saw The Beatles,
the Pistols or Joy Division.
32
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:47,459
'My time was different.'
33
00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:50,019
♪ WHAM!:
Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
34
00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:52,699
♪ You put the boom-boom
into my heart
35
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,859
♪ You send my soul sky-high
when your loving starts... ♪
36
00:01:55,860 --> 00:01:57,699
Mimi? Mimi!
37
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,659
Mimi?
38
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,139
Mimi! You all right?
39
00:02:02,177 --> 00:02:04,777
Never better, sweetheart.
40
00:02:15,459 --> 00:02:20,999
'I always seem to be in
the wrong place at the wrong time.'
41
00:02:30,911 --> 00:02:34,271
♪ TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS NEXT DOOR
42
00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:45,219
What's up?
43
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:47,664
See anything wrong
with this picture?
44
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,016
What picture?
45
00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:55,259
Jesus, babe, we're different
from them. So what?
46
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:58,939
"Different" doesn't last.
"The same" lasts.
47
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:02,779
It's all about you and me, remember?
Fuck the rest.
48
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:04,499
C'mon, are you up for some more?
49
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,339
God, yeah!
50
00:03:06,340 --> 00:03:08,859
D'you know what?
On second thoughts...
51
00:03:08,860 --> 00:03:10,740
You've just had a couple of lines
and a pill.
52
00:03:10,741 --> 00:03:12,859
Baking soda. Aspirin. Let's go home.
53
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,660
OK, if that's what you want.
54
00:03:54,883 --> 00:03:59,579
Southern Cemetery then a memorial
lunch at the Midland. Could be nice.
55
00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:02,859
No, we're going to St Pat's,
and that's the end of it.
56
00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:04,340
The shortest mass in Manchester.
57
00:04:04,341 --> 00:04:08,099
Like fucking vultures, you two.
The Funeral Crashers.
58
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:09,939
It's a social responsibility.
59
00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:10,940
It's a free lunch.
60
00:04:10,941 --> 00:04:15,219
It's a buzz. You never know
what's going to happen at a funeral...
61
00:04:15,220 --> 00:04:20,219
all that pent-up frustration and
years of resentment and bitterness,
62
00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:23,659
the Yin and Yang
of familial love and hate.
63
00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:26,299
You're very strange, Mrs Croker,
if you don't mind me saying.
64
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,094
I consider it a compliment.
65
00:04:28,683 --> 00:04:30,242
Looking well, both.
66
00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:33,419
Thank you.
67
00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:34,100
Considering.
68
00:04:34,101 --> 00:04:36,219
Yeah, Lillian, we get the message.
69
00:04:36,220 --> 00:04:40,219
Time to make tracks. Got to get there
early if we want a decent seat.
70
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:41,419
She's keen.
71
00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:43,979
The deceased
was a close personal friend.
72
00:04:43,980 --> 00:04:45,594
Whatever you say.
73
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,563
What's up with your face?
74
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,580
Everyone keeps banging on
about how well we're doing.
75
00:04:53,581 --> 00:04:55,140
Well, we are.
76
00:04:59,020 --> 00:05:00,179
There you go.
77
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:02,619
You said it'd take years off.
78
00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:06,499
Er, hairdresser,
not a supplier of miracles.
79
00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:09,579
Could get a little work done.
Not uncommon these days.
80
00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:11,859
Upstairs or down?
81
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:15,619
Er, downstairs is as good as new,
thank you very much.
82
00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:18,139
Me and me mister are hand in glove.
83
00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:22,499
I only ask cos the older woman
sometimes has a lift down below.
84
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,579
Tightens things up
for the new tenant.
85
00:05:24,580 --> 00:05:28,699
Demi, our Babs, Liz Taylor...
You've gotta love the Cougars.
86
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,739
You mean all those girls had the...
87
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:33,299
God, no!
Liz couldn't, not with her back.
88
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,979
And the fact she is dead.
89
00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:36,020
Oh, sorry, and there is that.
90
00:05:36,021 --> 00:05:38,179
And when they did Joany,
91
00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:41,179
they made a little person
from the excess,
92
00:05:41,180 --> 00:05:43,260
and that's how we've got
Simon Cowell.
93
00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:46,259
What d'you think I'd need?
94
00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,939
A head transplant.
95
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:52,219
Enough with the fucking wisecracks.
I'm serious here.
96
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:56,383
About cosmetic surgery?
You're in your prime, Meems.
97
00:05:56,980 --> 00:05:58,579
I'm gonna lose him.
98
00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:01,019
Maybe not now, but sometime.
99
00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:01,660
What's he done?
100
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:02,739
Who?
101
00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:04,819
Billy.
Nothing!
102
00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:06,580
If that little fucker
is dipping his wick, I'll...
103
00:06:06,581 --> 00:06:09,379
He isn't. He hasn't done anything.
104
00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:10,740
It's not him, it's me.
105
00:06:12,961 --> 00:06:14,875
I can't be everything he needs.
106
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:22,852
These sandwiches taste of feet.
107
00:06:23,380 --> 00:06:24,979
Anyone for a top-up?
108
00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:28,299
Oh, no, thank you.
No, I really couldn't.
109
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,797
Any more sherry,
I'll be shitting doilies.
110
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:32,641
I'll have some.
111
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:37,939
Incoming at nine o'clock.
112
00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:41,939
Insurance salesman, I'm thinking,
or ambulance chaser.
113
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,179
We might get a free pen.
114
00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:46,459
Afternoon, ladies.
Thank you for coming.
115
00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:47,500
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
116
00:06:47,501 --> 00:06:48,899
Indeed.
117
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,299
Did you know Irene well?
118
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:53,259
Oh, very close, we were, at one time.
119
00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:54,699
Who's Irene?
120
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:57,740
The lady who passed away
so tragically.
121
00:07:00,736 --> 00:07:02,260
So, when were you close?
122
00:07:02,261 --> 00:07:04,619
Back in the day, in the '60s.
123
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:05,900
Too long ago to remember.
124
00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:10,020
No, please, do try. It's wonderful
meeting people who knew my mum.
125
00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:13,408
Your mum?
126
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,179
Oh, well...
127
00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:18,259
Er, she loved travel, your mother.
128
00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:20,979
She did, especially in the '60s.
129
00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:22,739
We travelled together...
130
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:24,379
all over,
131
00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:27,739
across Europe, North America...
132
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,979
I hope you don't mind,
133
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:33,339
but since we only brought my mother
back from Austria yesterday,
134
00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:34,939
would you mind saying a few words?
135
00:07:35,409 --> 00:07:38,962
No! That's something
you should do, surely.
136
00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:43,539
Well, she left when I was two. She
only got back in touch last year.
137
00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:46,060
Someone like you
could say so much more.
138
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:49,100
Oh!
139
00:07:50,107 --> 00:07:51,427
Thanks.
140
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,780
MIC FEEDS BACK
141
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,659
I knew Irene, of course.
142
00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,300
(LAUGHS) Why wouldn't I?
143
00:08:05,887 --> 00:08:07,367
A kind woman.
144
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:09,980
A good woman.
145
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:14,380
Churchgoing till the end.
146
00:08:17,420 --> 00:08:21,060
Jewish, of course,
which is still a religion.
147
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:27,540
We were together at...
148
00:08:30,580 --> 00:08:32,739
the Prague Spring.
149
00:08:32,740 --> 00:08:38,620
Oh, yes, facing down
the might of the Soviet Empire.
150
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,379
And then, of course...
151
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:44,059
there was Woodstock!
152
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,660
GENIAL LAUGHTER
153
00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:04,219
Mm, summat smells good!
154
00:09:04,220 --> 00:09:05,979
Your favourite.
155
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,539
Shepherd's pie?
156
00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:10,099
Your second-favourite.
157
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,139
Oh, curry!
158
00:09:11,140 --> 00:09:12,659
Pizza.
159
00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:14,100
Sweet.
160
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:21,458
I thought we could have a quiet
night in, the two of us and a film.
161
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:25,259
(LAUGHS)
162
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,620
I thought you were being serious
for a minute.
163
00:09:26,621 --> 00:09:28,220
I am.
164
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:32,299
Oh, right. Yeah, I'd love to.
165
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:33,779
Can I ask you something?
166
00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:34,620
Fire away.
167
00:09:34,621 --> 00:09:37,099
What's your favourite book?
168
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,019
Batman.
169
00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:41,140
If there was an election tomorrow,
who would you vote for?
170
00:09:41,141 --> 00:09:43,580
Nobody. Politics is boring.
171
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:46,739
World events, and stuff?
172
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:49,019
Makes me sleepy. I don't care.
173
00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:53,139
Oh, there's a dubstep all-nighter on
in town. I said we might go.
174
00:09:53,140 --> 00:09:56,379
You could go on your own. We don't
have to do everything together.
175
00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:59,140
But you said that's the secret
to a happy relationship.
176
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,419
Maybe I was wrong.
177
00:10:02,420 --> 00:10:04,380
Go out, have a great time.
178
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:27,500
Sorry. Did I wake you?
179
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:28,700
No.
180
00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:30,980
Couldn't sleep.
181
00:10:30,981 --> 00:10:32,699
Is everything all right?
182
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,259
Just me mind working overtime.
183
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,819
Did you get off with anyone?
184
00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:38,539
What?!
185
00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:40,539
No, course not.
Did you?
186
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:41,379
No!
187
00:10:41,380 --> 00:10:42,300
Kiss anyone?
188
00:10:42,301 --> 00:10:44,343
Fuck off. I wouldn't look at anyone!
189
00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:47,859
I think it's about time you did.
190
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:49,260
What?!
191
00:10:52,997 --> 00:10:56,636
I'll keep it safe until your dad
comes back for it, yeah?
192
00:10:56,761 --> 00:10:58,081
No worries.
193
00:11:00,055 --> 00:11:02,561
Forty quid by the end of the week or
it'll be on eBay, understand?
194
00:11:02,581 --> 00:11:03,900
Sorted.
195
00:11:05,964 --> 00:11:07,523
So this friend...
196
00:11:07,524 --> 00:11:08,603
Of a friend.
197
00:11:08,604 --> 00:11:09,963
Friend of a friend.
198
00:11:09,964 --> 00:11:12,523
She wants him to shag around,
tells him to go for it?
199
00:11:12,524 --> 00:11:13,323
Yeah.
200
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:16,763
It's every man's dream, innit,
having a bird pushing him
201
00:11:16,764 --> 00:11:20,404
to spread his seed? Fuck,
tell him to fill his boots!
202
00:11:30,735 --> 00:11:33,370
Of course, it means she's
splitting up with him.
203
00:11:33,419 --> 00:11:35,778
No, she wants them to stay together.
204
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,403
She's dumping him. If your mate
can't see that, he's a muppet.
205
00:11:39,404 --> 00:11:41,724
Either that or she's already
doing someone herself.
206
00:11:52,532 --> 00:11:54,444
And the woman said,
"Shall I get you a priest?"
207
00:11:54,445 --> 00:11:57,485
The little lad,
wiping away his tears says,
208
00:11:57,539 --> 00:12:00,619
"No! Sex is the last thing
on my mind!"
209
00:12:04,652 --> 00:12:07,643
I hope that's a fucking money tree.
We could do wi' one!
210
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:13,164
It's a cherry. I thought we could
plant it together in memory of...
211
00:12:14,284 --> 00:12:17,523
We'd have somewhere
we could go to think of her.
212
00:12:17,524 --> 00:12:18,804
Oh, for fuck's sake.
213
00:12:24,804 --> 00:12:26,163
There's your pal's lad.
214
00:12:26,164 --> 00:12:28,163
Oh, crap.
215
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:33,243
Hello, ladies, I hope you don't
mind. I tried a few places.
216
00:12:33,244 --> 00:12:35,603
Nice work, Sherlock.
217
00:12:35,604 --> 00:12:38,843
It's just... I've
so many questions about my mother.
218
00:12:38,844 --> 00:12:41,283
My memory's not what it was.
219
00:12:41,284 --> 00:12:42,204
Any scraps from the table.
220
00:12:42,205 --> 00:12:45,643
From what I can gather,
she did do Paul McCartney,
221
00:12:45,644 --> 00:12:48,044
but Bobby Charlton is just a rumour.
222
00:12:51,164 --> 00:12:53,244
A bottle of pale ale as well.
That's really good.
223
00:12:53,245 --> 00:12:56,723
And it's good for you, full of iron.
224
00:12:56,724 --> 00:12:57,963
I'm not sure.
225
00:12:57,964 --> 00:12:58,962
I didn't like it at first...
226
00:12:58,963 --> 00:13:00,202
Fuck's going on?!
227
00:13:00,203 --> 00:13:01,202
All right, Billy?
228
00:13:01,203 --> 00:13:02,804
Is it him? Are you doing him?
Is that what this is about?
229
00:13:02,805 --> 00:13:04,243
What are you on about?
230
00:13:04,244 --> 00:13:05,763
I'm not fucking having it!
231
00:13:05,764 --> 00:13:06,804
Calm yourself, fella.
232
00:13:06,805 --> 00:13:09,883
Aaah!
Fuck, I think I've broke me hand!
233
00:13:09,884 --> 00:13:11,403
Are you all right?
234
00:13:11,404 --> 00:13:12,684
Stop talking to him!
235
00:13:12,685 --> 00:13:16,283
Shut the fuck up, you,
you're an embarrassment.
236
00:13:16,284 --> 00:13:17,660
I'm so sorry about this.
237
00:13:30,219 --> 00:13:32,589
I'm only trying to do what's right,
you know.
238
00:13:33,484 --> 00:13:34,804
I can't pretend it never happened.
239
00:13:34,805 --> 00:13:37,084
And I won't live every
day like it just has.
240
00:13:43,244 --> 00:13:45,404
Where the fuck are you going?!
241
00:13:50,324 --> 00:13:56,003
I was saving stuff,
putting a little bit aside,
242
00:13:56,004 --> 00:13:57,964
ever since the first scan.
243
00:14:02,724 --> 00:14:09,043
Nicked some copper wire from Maine
Road for this... and the snow suit.
244
00:14:09,044 --> 00:14:10,908
It's beautiful stuff.
245
00:14:11,588 --> 00:14:13,563
Quality gear. We could sell it?
246
00:14:14,791 --> 00:14:16,471
It's got to be
a hundred quid's worth.
247
00:14:16,495 --> 00:14:18,695
It's a night out
at the very least!
248
00:14:27,236 --> 00:14:28,536
Really?
249
00:14:28,564 --> 00:14:31,122
I can't tell you what
a tonic this is.
250
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:32,789
Yes.
251
00:14:32,868 --> 00:14:35,880
You see, I always hated her
for abandoning us,
252
00:14:36,512 --> 00:14:40,161
for what she did to my father...
but you paint a picture of a woman
253
00:14:40,564 --> 00:14:42,387
who was living life to the full.
254
00:14:43,324 --> 00:14:49,661
I really do now have to be going.
Thank you, goodbye.
255
00:14:50,492 --> 00:14:52,676
It makes me feel somehow
better about it...
256
00:14:52,724 --> 00:14:55,523
inheriting money from
a woman I barely knew,
257
00:14:56,132 --> 00:14:58,348
a houseful of possessions...
258
00:14:59,764 --> 00:15:02,926
Perhaps I could stay
for just one more.
259
00:15:04,965 --> 00:15:06,644
There's so much to tell.
260
00:15:12,708 --> 00:15:14,564
Does that make you feel better?
261
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,284
What goes on in your head?
262
00:15:20,364 --> 00:15:23,443
Are you having an affair?
D'you want shot of me?
263
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,231
No. And no.
264
00:15:26,404 --> 00:15:28,051
What's going on, then?
265
00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:35,643
I'm struggling to see the common
ground, baby. It worries me.
266
00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:36,883
Common ground?
267
00:15:36,884 --> 00:15:38,003
I mean like...
268
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,372
I know what it means.
269
00:15:39,403 --> 00:15:44,123
I like Batman, I like all graphic
novels. They're... works of art.
270
00:15:45,364 --> 00:15:48,443
And I wouldn't vote in the election
cos politics is bollocks.
271
00:15:48,444 --> 00:15:50,544
It's all bought and paid
for in advance.
272
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:53,364
You vote for whatever cunt
offends you least.
273
00:15:54,316 --> 00:15:56,130
You think you'd married
a gimp or summat?
274
00:15:58,644 --> 00:16:04,856
I'm sorry if I offended you.
Doesn't change the problem, though.
275
00:16:06,764 --> 00:16:09,804
I'm going for a drink... on my own.
276
00:16:29,562 --> 00:16:30,778
Marty?
277
00:16:30,813 --> 00:16:33,340
I don't want another baby
wearing this stuff...
278
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:39,704
Sorry...
279
00:16:40,114 --> 00:16:41,843
I just blurted it out.
280
00:16:41,844 --> 00:16:44,003
I thought a night out
would do us good.
281
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,364
I'll get a sub off Lillian,
that'll see us right.
282
00:16:59,616 --> 00:17:02,544
Compliments on a postcard,
please, ladies.
283
00:17:04,692 --> 00:17:09,481
You don't think it's a bit OTT for a
job interview, I mean, at your age?
284
00:17:09,547 --> 00:17:12,481
Making the most of her assets.
Your dad's not earning,
285
00:17:12,886 --> 00:17:14,903
so it's down to your mum
to bring in the bacon.
286
00:17:15,122 --> 00:17:19,458
I am stuffed into this.
Too much...?
287
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:23,923
Not enough, in my humble.
Designed to hypnotise, cleavage...
288
00:17:23,924 --> 00:17:25,524
it's what God intended.
289
00:17:27,034 --> 00:17:28,393
Too low?
290
00:17:28,644 --> 00:17:30,563
If I was a fella...
291
00:17:30,564 --> 00:17:33,518
I'd ride you. Don't know
if I'd give you a job,
292
00:17:33,544 --> 00:17:36,049
but I would definitely ride you.
293
00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:41,843
What are you so nervous about?
294
00:17:41,844 --> 00:17:45,483
I hate job interviews.
I get all sweaty, I crumble.
295
00:17:45,484 --> 00:17:46,723
You're smart.
296
00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:49,643
Not when people are judging me,
looking at me.
297
00:17:49,644 --> 00:17:50,964
Hate it, always have done.
298
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,283
Right. What's the damage?
299
00:17:54,284 --> 00:17:57,203
Oh, it'll save
until you get your first pay packet.
300
00:17:57,204 --> 00:17:58,642
You'll do it just like this
tomorrow?
301
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,844
I'll have you skipping
down the street to that interview,
302
00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:02,843
looking a million dollars.
303
00:18:03,062 --> 00:18:05,702
Right! Best get out of this,
hang it up.
304
00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:08,462
Get off!
305
00:18:35,124 --> 00:18:38,949
Some guys don't like how
their missus looks in the morning,
306
00:18:39,582 --> 00:18:43,563
but I love it ... little puffy eyes,
adjusting, like a little chipmunk.
307
00:18:43,743 --> 00:18:48,458
I can suck a banana right
out of its skin, no hands.
308
00:18:49,176 --> 00:18:50,129
Hello, Daddy.
309
00:18:51,139 --> 00:18:54,656
She was dry-humping him
like a horny schoolie!
310
00:18:55,155 --> 00:18:56,413
She is a horny schoolie!
311
00:18:56,478 --> 00:18:57,572
Is there any other kind?
312
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,533
I don't see what's so funny here.
313
00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:02,476
Your brand-new
out-of-the-box husband
314
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,460
was firing into another woman.
315
00:19:05,488 --> 00:19:06,712
I told him to.
316
00:19:06,756 --> 00:19:07,970
I was gonna take a fucking
drill to his head,
317
00:19:07,973 --> 00:19:09,423
but I thought, "No, you know what?
318
00:19:09,474 --> 00:19:14,232
"You might want..."
What did you just say?
319
00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:17,949
I told him to. It was my idea.
320
00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:20,235
It's true,
I don't understand either,
321
00:19:20,282 --> 00:19:22,180
so don't ask. I don't want it.
322
00:19:22,184 --> 00:19:26,597
I want us to see other people.
I want an open relationship.
323
00:19:26,631 --> 00:19:27,789
It's not right.
324
00:19:27,829 --> 00:19:29,070
It's disgusting.
325
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,084
I think it's a great idea.
326
00:19:33,668 --> 00:19:36,675
Excellent,
enter the Daily fucking Bugle.
327
00:19:37,028 --> 00:19:39,023
Don't it make you feel
guilty about what you're doing?
328
00:19:39,203 --> 00:19:41,441
Not a bit. I've earned it.
329
00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:43,234
You're taking his
inheritance off him.
330
00:19:43,235 --> 00:19:45,793
He won't miss something
he's never had.
331
00:19:46,153 --> 00:19:48,633
And if he gets some
relief from knowing that his mother
332
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:52,993
didn't entirely hate him, may even
have had some affection for him,
333
00:19:52,994 --> 00:19:54,513
I'd say it's money well spent.
334
00:19:54,772 --> 00:19:57,691
You're meant to be setting an
example, we're impressionable.
335
00:19:58,582 --> 00:20:02,091
You are a bollocks. You haven't been
impressionable since you bought
336
00:20:02,382 --> 00:20:06,067
your first pack of
20 king size, aged seven.
337
00:20:06,191 --> 00:20:10,910
And her ... you can act
like Lady Muck all you please.
338
00:20:11,154 --> 00:20:14,274
You have pram-face
written all over you.
339
00:20:15,907 --> 00:20:17,787
You really are horrible.
340
00:20:20,674 --> 00:20:24,145
My advice to you is watch and learn.
341
00:20:25,204 --> 00:20:30,371
You won't always be jail-bait
and then what'll you do?
342
00:20:31,848 --> 00:20:34,328
♪ The best things in life are free
343
00:20:35,514 --> 00:20:37,873
♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees
344
00:20:37,874 --> 00:20:39,354
♪ I want money
345
00:20:41,355 --> 00:20:42,995
♪ That's what I want
346
00:20:45,153 --> 00:20:46,834
♪ That's what I want
347
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:50,354
♪ That's what I want
348
00:20:53,434 --> 00:20:56,594
♪ Your love gives me
such a thrill... ♪
349
00:20:58,234 --> 00:20:59,594
I thought we were going into town.
350
00:20:59,595 --> 00:21:03,793
We are, yeah, just a little livener,
a swift voddie to line us guts.
351
00:21:03,794 --> 00:21:05,294
Just you and me?
352
00:21:05,559 --> 00:21:06,997
Cross me heart.
353
00:21:12,074 --> 00:21:14,353
Cheer up. We'll have a great night.
354
00:21:14,354 --> 00:21:16,312
It's been ages
since we've all been out together.
355
00:21:16,313 --> 00:21:17,154
Sure you're all right
with this, mate?
356
00:21:17,155 --> 00:21:18,913
Yeah. Course.
357
00:21:18,914 --> 00:21:21,233
Got to admire the girl,
she's doing great.
358
00:21:21,234 --> 00:21:23,433
Yeah.
359
00:21:23,434 --> 00:21:28,233
Oh, Manchester! Is wonderful!
Oh, Manchester is wonderful!
360
00:21:28,234 --> 00:21:30,914
THEY SHOUT AND CHANT
361
00:21:34,154 --> 00:21:35,633
I'm forward planning.
362
00:21:35,634 --> 00:21:38,793
I'm being proactive to nip future
problems in the bud.
363
00:21:38,794 --> 00:21:40,153
What future problems?
364
00:21:40,154 --> 00:21:42,433
There's a quarter of a century
between us.
365
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:45,433
I don't want to be looking
over my shoulder all the time,
366
00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:47,274
waiting for that to bite me
on the arse.
367
00:21:47,275 --> 00:21:50,233
And the solution is for him
to shag other women?
368
00:21:50,593 --> 00:21:54,830
Amongst other things.
I can't be "all women" to Billy,
369
00:21:55,165 --> 00:21:57,345
and it'd be humiliating to try.
370
00:21:58,572 --> 00:22:02,080
There's stuff in his life where
I don't fit in, and vice versa.
371
00:22:02,096 --> 00:22:05,197
Now that is a very healthy attitude.
372
00:22:06,038 --> 00:22:07,437
I mean, people just...
373
00:22:07,501 --> 00:22:13,025
They get hung up about sex.
It gets in the way of everything.
374
00:22:14,072 --> 00:22:15,405
What the fuck's that for?
375
00:22:15,439 --> 00:22:17,713
Cos I can't fucking slap her.
376
00:22:17,714 --> 00:22:19,713
And that's where you come in, son.
377
00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:23,236
He's reluctant, and you're my son
and I trust you.
378
00:22:23,462 --> 00:22:27,283
And that's why I want you
to take your stepfather out
379
00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:28,728
and get him laid.
380
00:22:29,017 --> 00:22:31,970
And there is a sentence
I never thought I'd hear
381
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:33,834
when I woke up this morning.
382
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,113
Sorry ... I'll slow up.
383
00:22:38,114 --> 00:22:39,913
You do realise, don't you?
384
00:22:40,148 --> 00:22:43,467
There's not a court in this land
that'd convict,
385
00:22:43,509 --> 00:22:45,434
if I chopped the fucking
lot of you up right now.
386
00:22:45,435 --> 00:22:46,994
Please, son.
387
00:22:47,055 --> 00:22:48,214
I'll do it.
388
00:22:49,598 --> 00:22:51,597
I'll do it on one condition.
389
00:22:51,645 --> 00:22:53,005
You do it too.
390
00:22:54,134 --> 00:22:57,614
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
391
00:22:59,614 --> 00:23:01,854
Here you are ... what about her?
392
00:23:02,894 --> 00:23:04,494
Too obvious.
393
00:23:05,814 --> 00:23:07,453
All right ... her?
394
00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:09,533
She's taller than I am.
395
00:23:09,534 --> 00:23:10,773
Her?
396
00:23:10,774 --> 00:23:13,053
She's got an Adam's Apple!
397
00:23:13,054 --> 00:23:16,413
I don't care if it's a one-legged,
Geordie, fucking dwarf
398
00:23:16,414 --> 00:23:18,533
with a glass eye and a ginger beard.
399
00:23:18,534 --> 00:23:20,053
I don't care if it's a bloke.
400
00:23:20,054 --> 00:23:23,013
You're shagging someone tonight.
Who do you wanna ride?
401
00:23:23,014 --> 00:23:24,597
I wanna ride your mum.
402
00:23:28,334 --> 00:23:30,413
I cannot get used to a world
403
00:23:30,414 --> 00:23:32,614
where that is not an insult.
404
00:23:39,134 --> 00:23:42,734
♪ SNOOP DOGG FEAT.
DAVID GUETTA: Sweat
405
00:23:59,054 --> 00:24:00,133
Excuse me?
406
00:24:00,134 --> 00:24:01,494
Bum boys!
407
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,533
It's not really what
I had in mind, this.
408
00:24:14,534 --> 00:24:17,312
Stop planning and start living.
Come on!
409
00:24:17,367 --> 00:24:18,538
Kelly, please. Fucking don't!
410
00:24:18,577 --> 00:24:19,765
BOTTLE SMASHES
411
00:24:19,788 --> 00:24:21,534
What's got into you?
412
00:24:21,535 --> 00:24:22,813
Just fuck off!
413
00:24:22,814 --> 00:24:25,133
Don't start all that!
414
00:24:25,134 --> 00:24:26,493
I can't help it.
415
00:24:26,494 --> 00:24:29,533
Feeling all sorry for yourself.
Making it about you.
416
00:24:29,534 --> 00:24:31,413
I'm dealing with it.
417
00:24:31,414 --> 00:24:33,094
It's time you did.
418
00:24:51,334 --> 00:24:54,733
(MIMI) I hate these places.
Always feel like I stand out.
419
00:24:54,734 --> 00:24:56,654
Why blend in?
Where's the fun in that?
420
00:24:58,414 --> 00:24:59,933
It's all right for you...
421
00:24:59,934 --> 00:25:03,813
you always manage to pull off
the kind of casual-trampy look.
422
00:25:03,814 --> 00:25:06,053
I'm a bit more reserved.
423
00:25:06,054 --> 00:25:08,173
That's the word
that springs to mind...
424
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:09,494
reserved(!)
425
00:25:11,217 --> 00:25:12,373
Oi!
426
00:25:12,374 --> 00:25:14,698
You're not a Catholic
schoolgirl nowadays.
427
00:25:14,733 --> 00:25:16,560
You need to flaunt the goodies.
428
00:25:17,338 --> 00:25:18,552
Well, hello!
429
00:25:21,732 --> 00:25:23,518
I haven't done this
in fucking years.
430
00:25:24,894 --> 00:25:26,774
Now, listen ... don't get carried away
431
00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:29,733
if you get a lot of attention
early on, all right?
432
00:25:29,734 --> 00:25:31,588
Course. Why?
433
00:25:32,362 --> 00:25:34,174
To avoid disappointment.
434
00:25:34,623 --> 00:25:37,747
Some of them might be
chatting you up... strategically.
435
00:25:39,561 --> 00:25:41,365
Are you saying I'm the ugly mate?
436
00:25:41,437 --> 00:25:45,092
No! Just... be realistic.
437
00:25:46,425 --> 00:25:47,465
I will.
438
00:25:48,414 --> 00:25:50,133
Realistically, a woman your age
439
00:25:50,134 --> 00:25:53,053
shouldn't try to get away
with wearing a dress like that.
440
00:25:53,054 --> 00:25:55,734
You look like a turkey
stuffed in a stocking.
441
00:26:09,214 --> 00:26:12,613
Thank you for a lovely meal.
442
00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:14,493
The pleasure was all mine.
443
00:26:14,494 --> 00:26:17,333
I'll see you tomorrow
for the reading of the will?
444
00:26:18,013 --> 00:26:19,532
You must think I'm pathetic.
445
00:26:19,627 --> 00:26:22,205
A man my age,
all curious about his mother.
446
00:26:22,293 --> 00:26:24,424
We all want to know
from whence we came.
447
00:26:24,699 --> 00:26:26,534
Talking to you helps me
understand her.
448
00:26:26,574 --> 00:26:28,294
Why she did the things she did.
449
00:26:31,083 --> 00:26:32,283
Could I stay?
450
00:26:33,603 --> 00:26:34,722
Sorry?
451
00:26:34,847 --> 00:26:35,932
Please?
452
00:26:36,494 --> 00:26:38,493
Or you could stay at mine.
453
00:26:38,634 --> 00:26:42,014
I just want to be with you,
that's all. It's like part of her.
454
00:26:42,067 --> 00:26:44,027
No, not tonight.
455
00:26:45,134 --> 00:26:47,254
I never had a mother.
You don't know what
456
00:26:47,255 --> 00:26:49,373
that's like ... to find her,
then lose her again.
457
00:26:49,787 --> 00:26:54,373
Yes, I'm sure Walt Disney will be
making a film about it very soon,
458
00:26:54,397 --> 00:26:56,904
but I have heard enough. Thank you.
459
00:26:57,875 --> 00:26:59,514
I'd like you to leave.
460
00:27:12,094 --> 00:27:15,933
I have them every other weekend.
I'm on really good terms with my ex.
461
00:27:16,808 --> 00:27:19,090
The divorce must
have been awful for you.
462
00:27:19,699 --> 00:27:21,773
Yeah, not the best.
463
00:27:23,035 --> 00:27:24,500
You OK there, Mimi?
464
00:27:25,854 --> 00:27:27,453
Yeah, great.
465
00:27:27,454 --> 00:27:29,214
There's got to be
a dance floor in here somewhere.
466
00:27:29,215 --> 00:27:31,213
Yeah, up the stairs.
467
00:27:31,214 --> 00:27:33,509
I fancy throwing some shapes.
468
00:27:34,595 --> 00:27:36,214
I'm sure there'll be
a line-up of guys
469
00:27:36,236 --> 00:27:37,693
can't wait to get
on the floor with you.
470
00:27:38,264 --> 00:27:41,166
I'll stay here with Mimi.
..If that's OK with you?
471
00:27:41,750 --> 00:27:43,134
Sound.
472
00:27:43,210 --> 00:27:45,361
Right, I'll get some more drinks in.
473
00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:52,813
Off you trot
to the dance floor, Turkey.
474
00:27:52,814 --> 00:27:54,933
Choosing you over me
475
00:27:54,934 --> 00:27:57,573
qualifies as a fetish.
476
00:27:57,574 --> 00:27:59,533
You know that, don't you?
477
00:27:59,893 --> 00:28:01,788
Gobble, gobble, gobble.
478
00:28:03,854 --> 00:28:06,214
I might just do that.
479
00:28:07,494 --> 00:28:09,773
Ha-ha!
480
00:28:09,774 --> 00:28:13,054
♪ FAITHLESS: Insomnia
481
00:28:16,654 --> 00:28:18,573
I know what you're going through.
482
00:28:18,574 --> 00:28:21,093
Before Letitia finally
came along, we...
483
00:28:21,094 --> 00:28:24,014
It wasn't easy. Avril didn't
leave the house for weeks.
484
00:28:26,134 --> 00:28:27,605
Kelly seems to be coping OK, though.
485
00:28:27,672 --> 00:28:30,671
Well, she's not OK!
She's fucking not!
486
00:28:32,214 --> 00:28:34,134
Didn't mean anything.
487
00:28:36,374 --> 00:28:38,494
Get the fuck off her!
488
00:29:12,894 --> 00:29:14,373
Was that so bad?
489
00:29:14,374 --> 00:29:15,573
No.
490
00:29:15,574 --> 00:29:17,214
Do you need me to accompany
you to the bedroom?
491
00:29:17,215 --> 00:29:18,406
No.
492
00:29:18,445 --> 00:29:19,749
You can if you want.
493
00:29:21,414 --> 00:29:24,493
I don't think I could afford
the therapy, love.
494
00:29:25,274 --> 00:29:27,954
Just make sure you ride him good,
will you?
495
00:29:37,996 --> 00:29:39,613
God almighty!
496
00:29:40,106 --> 00:29:41,705
What's going on?
497
00:29:41,784 --> 00:29:43,090
Nothing.
498
00:29:43,582 --> 00:29:45,097
What are you doing here?!
499
00:29:46,878 --> 00:29:48,204
I wanted to see you sleeping.
500
00:29:48,641 --> 00:29:49,887
Why?
501
00:29:51,172 --> 00:29:52,710
I've done all right.
502
00:29:53,429 --> 00:29:55,333
I'm leading a decent life...
503
00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:58,933
good job, no wife yet,
but there's time.
504
00:29:59,293 --> 00:30:00,780
I'm proud of where I've got to.
505
00:30:00,811 --> 00:30:01,853
As you should be.
506
00:30:01,854 --> 00:30:04,773
I should be fucked up with
everything that was done to me.
507
00:30:05,133 --> 00:30:06,850
I need to know why she left.
508
00:30:08,491 --> 00:30:10,874
I need you to leave this house.
509
00:30:10,944 --> 00:30:12,173
I won't hurt you.
510
00:30:12,174 --> 00:30:14,013
Oh, I know that...
511
00:30:15,036 --> 00:30:16,561
but you have to go.
512
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:22,880
Yeah.
513
00:30:31,534 --> 00:30:33,094
Cheers.
514
00:30:41,149 --> 00:30:42,748
Fuck me, you're a smooth one.
515
00:30:42,780 --> 00:30:44,100
Not really.
516
00:30:47,249 --> 00:30:48,905
Listen, I'm no expert.
517
00:30:49,975 --> 00:30:51,413
You only have to ask my ex-wives,
518
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,593
but something's not right here.
What's going on?
519
00:30:59,539 --> 00:31:01,210
I'm married. Happily.
520
00:31:02,578 --> 00:31:03,960
You can't be that happy.
521
00:31:06,038 --> 00:31:08,148
We're trying an open relationship.
522
00:31:08,204 --> 00:31:09,585
So, this...
523
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:11,133
Is the only thing I can think of
524
00:31:11,134 --> 00:31:13,574
to keep me and my fella together
in the long term.
525
00:31:13,575 --> 00:31:15,213
There's an age issue.
526
00:31:15,214 --> 00:31:17,773
I don't want it looming over us
in years to come.
527
00:31:17,774 --> 00:31:19,679
And you really don't want
to sleep with other men?
528
00:31:23,127 --> 00:31:25,679
We've both got to do it
or it won't work, you see?
529
00:31:26,053 --> 00:31:28,069
Bizarrely, I think I do.
530
00:31:29,629 --> 00:31:32,179
Pity ... I can peel a satsuma
with this tongue.
531
00:31:35,872 --> 00:31:38,432
(SCREAMS THROUGHOUT)
532
00:31:46,298 --> 00:31:48,790
Where is he? Where the fuck is he?!
533
00:31:51,513 --> 00:31:52,793
Uch!
534
00:32:15,952 --> 00:32:16,792
ELASTIC SNAPS
535
00:32:16,926 --> 00:32:17,925
(Oh!)
536
00:32:30,870 --> 00:32:32,470
(Come on!)
537
00:32:35,570 --> 00:32:36,749
(Fuck!)
538
00:32:36,750 --> 00:32:38,510
Avril Powell?
539
00:32:40,830 --> 00:32:42,328
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
540
00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:01,677
What a night.
541
00:33:01,713 --> 00:33:03,589
I don't even remember
getting home, though.
542
00:33:03,590 --> 00:33:06,369
You woke the whole house,
needing money for the taxi!
543
00:33:06,969 --> 00:33:08,963
You owe me ten... £20!
544
00:33:10,335 --> 00:33:11,895
Jesus, what happened to you?!
545
00:33:14,230 --> 00:33:16,029
Oh, yeah, I remember now.
546
00:33:16,030 --> 00:33:17,990
RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
547
00:33:20,950 --> 00:33:22,108
Where are you going?
548
00:33:22,562 --> 00:33:23,920
What do you care?
549
00:33:25,612 --> 00:33:26,772
I don't, really.
550
00:33:27,482 --> 00:33:30,428
I used to think you were a victim
of circumstance
551
00:33:30,803 --> 00:33:33,429
and now I can see you're just stupid.
552
00:33:34,281 --> 00:33:35,401
Stupid?
553
00:33:36,830 --> 00:33:39,389
Like the bloke
whose grief you're ripping off?
554
00:33:40,381 --> 00:33:42,114
Got your mitts in the will yet?
555
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,429
Doesn't look that bad.
556
00:33:52,764 --> 00:33:55,085
I'm a fucking peanut smuggler!
557
00:33:55,234 --> 00:33:57,594
You could hang your trilby off these.
558
00:33:58,016 --> 00:34:01,535
Oh, behave! I have breasts
and an arse and a muff.
559
00:34:01,709 --> 00:34:03,469
This shouldn't be news to you.
560
00:34:03,470 --> 00:34:05,989
In my first job,
it was considered a privilege
561
00:34:05,990 --> 00:34:08,989
to be bent over the boss's desk
for a spanking.
562
00:34:09,363 --> 00:34:12,087
Oh, the things that feminism's
robbed us of, eh?
563
00:34:13,056 --> 00:34:15,193
Though, if it had been a bloke
doing the interview,
564
00:34:15,349 --> 00:34:16,962
you'd be on Easy Street by now.
565
00:34:17,070 --> 00:34:19,030
Maybe you blew her away in the chat.
566
00:34:19,781 --> 00:34:24,822
Let me see... once we established
I had no relevant qualifications
567
00:34:24,885 --> 00:34:28,306
or experience to speak of ...
a subject we kept returning to...
568
00:34:28,338 --> 00:34:31,072
Why'd they have you in,
if you had nothing to offer?
569
00:34:31,166 --> 00:34:33,002
That's exactly what she said...
570
00:34:33,955 --> 00:34:36,109
"Precisely,
what do you have to offer?"
571
00:34:36,110 --> 00:34:39,429
Well... the thing is, I...
572
00:34:39,939 --> 00:34:42,025
What would you say
is your breast quality?
573
00:34:42,049 --> 00:34:43,029
Pardon?
574
00:34:43,091 --> 00:34:44,766
Your breast quality.
575
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,665
My best quality? Just nipple.
576
00:34:49,590 --> 00:34:50,989
Oh, dear!
577
00:34:50,990 --> 00:34:52,309
How embarrassing.
578
00:34:52,310 --> 00:34:53,310
You think?
579
00:34:54,310 --> 00:34:58,697
Look, I'm good
and I'm fucking clever!
580
00:34:59,892 --> 00:35:02,571
But if paper-smart's what counts,
581
00:35:02,955 --> 00:35:05,350
there's a bucketful out
in the corridor fit the bill better.
582
00:35:11,955 --> 00:35:15,074
Look, there's plenty more jobs
in the sea.
583
00:35:15,972 --> 00:35:19,242
I look forward
to the ritual humiliation.
584
00:35:24,150 --> 00:35:26,190
PHONE RINGS
585
00:35:27,670 --> 00:35:29,070
Hello?
586
00:35:33,148 --> 00:35:34,187
Mum.
587
00:35:34,204 --> 00:35:36,713
Jesus! Me knickers
have hardly hit the floor!
588
00:35:36,743 --> 00:35:39,220
It's the hospital on the phone,
they're offering you the job.
589
00:35:39,390 --> 00:35:41,150
Fuck off, that's not funny!
590
00:35:41,286 --> 00:35:42,286
It's true.
591
00:35:51,270 --> 00:35:52,469
Hello?
592
00:35:52,470 --> 00:35:55,189
RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
593
00:35:55,697 --> 00:35:59,537
She said she admired my honesty...
plain speaking.
594
00:36:00,805 --> 00:36:03,444
You are... looking at...
595
00:36:03,750 --> 00:36:06,749
a trainee pharmacist assistant.
596
00:36:06,750 --> 00:36:08,269
Whoo-hoo! Cheers, Avril.
597
00:36:08,270 --> 00:36:10,069
Cheers, Avril. Well done, hon.
598
00:36:10,070 --> 00:36:12,869
You have got a job!
599
00:36:12,870 --> 00:36:14,710
Oh-ho!
600
00:36:16,230 --> 00:36:17,309
Morning.
601
00:36:17,310 --> 00:36:19,709
Don't, mate, honestly,
don't fucking talk to me.
602
00:36:19,710 --> 00:36:23,069
Me head is full up,
there's no more room.
603
00:36:23,302 --> 00:36:24,509
Thank you.
604
00:36:24,510 --> 00:36:25,550
My pleasure.
605
00:36:29,576 --> 00:36:30,828
You shag her?
606
00:36:30,977 --> 00:36:33,109
Yeah, all night.
607
00:36:33,414 --> 00:36:35,586
Inside out, and upside down.
608
00:36:35,819 --> 00:36:39,498
Come on! This is just getting
tasteless now.
609
00:36:40,084 --> 00:36:41,369
You really did it?
610
00:36:46,050 --> 00:36:47,389
I did it for us.
611
00:36:47,390 --> 00:36:49,566
You're a very lucky man. Fuck off!
612
00:36:50,198 --> 00:36:51,196
You?
613
00:36:51,245 --> 00:36:52,597
I shagged her.
614
00:36:52,936 --> 00:36:54,378
I haven't washed, to prove it.
615
00:36:54,750 --> 00:36:56,058
Oh, don't!
616
00:36:56,082 --> 00:36:59,386
I am fucking serious, right?!
617
00:37:00,011 --> 00:37:01,968
I can't take this any more.
618
00:37:02,910 --> 00:37:04,430
Not another fucking word!
619
00:37:05,507 --> 00:37:06,970
Did he try and pork you?
620
00:37:07,957 --> 00:37:11,949
You read about such things ...
folk have a fetish for the horrific.
621
00:37:12,434 --> 00:37:15,980
There was no porking ...
attempted or otherwise.
622
00:37:15,996 --> 00:37:18,746
Blackmail him... or call the cops.
623
00:37:18,863 --> 00:37:20,669
He's a paedophile.
624
00:37:21,206 --> 00:37:23,644
No...
the opposite of a paedophile.
625
00:37:23,738 --> 00:37:25,878
I can be unkind to you sometimes.
626
00:37:25,949 --> 00:37:27,789
But you are conclusive proof
627
00:37:28,095 --> 00:37:30,808
that modern culture
is rotting the brains of our youth.
628
00:37:31,070 --> 00:37:32,270
We could ask Jamie to sort him out.
629
00:37:32,271 --> 00:37:33,349
No!
630
00:37:33,350 --> 00:37:35,269
He's got something coming, love.
631
00:37:35,270 --> 00:37:37,910
You can't stroke a lady's hairnet
and get away with it.
632
00:37:49,694 --> 00:37:50,733
May I?
633
00:37:50,789 --> 00:37:51,949
Please.
634
00:37:58,103 --> 00:37:59,142
I'm sorry.
635
00:37:59,174 --> 00:38:00,386
No need.
636
00:38:00,430 --> 00:38:01,535
You have to understand that...
637
00:38:01,582 --> 00:38:04,990
I do. A mother's love is important.
638
00:38:06,479 --> 00:38:08,358
All those gobshites there think...
639
00:38:09,167 --> 00:38:11,989
I'm about to rip money
out of your pocket
640
00:38:11,990 --> 00:38:13,029
but I'm not.
641
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,324
I couldn't give a monkey's fart
about the money.
642
00:38:16,066 --> 00:38:18,105
I'll tell you the truth
about your mother,
643
00:38:18,341 --> 00:38:20,460
if you promise to leave here
afterwards
644
00:38:21,062 --> 00:38:23,342
and never contact me again.
645
00:38:24,398 --> 00:38:25,398
OK.
646
00:38:26,508 --> 00:38:28,917
I have one further condition.
647
00:38:30,266 --> 00:38:34,306
You said your mammy had a house
full of possessions.
648
00:38:36,149 --> 00:38:38,109
There is one item
of sentimental value
649
00:38:38,183 --> 00:38:39,629
I would very much like to have.
650
00:38:40,395 --> 00:38:41,972
It's an album of photographs.
651
00:38:42,253 --> 00:38:43,493
Anything, I...
652
00:38:44,793 --> 00:38:46,193
I just need to know.
653
00:38:48,502 --> 00:38:51,902
Her name was Irene Felice O'Donnell.
654
00:38:53,210 --> 00:38:56,589
She was born
on the 22nd August 1939,
655
00:38:57,182 --> 00:39:00,222
not '42, as her birth certificate
would attest.
656
00:39:01,470 --> 00:39:03,670
She never loved your father.
657
00:39:05,710 --> 00:39:07,269
Whatever you may think of him,
658
00:39:07,270 --> 00:39:10,830
he wasn't a nice man ...
a bully, aggressive.
659
00:39:13,574 --> 00:39:17,824
She married him on the rebound
from the love of her life.
660
00:39:22,028 --> 00:39:23,824
That would be me.
661
00:39:29,792 --> 00:39:31,909
I consider my time with your mummy
662
00:39:32,199 --> 00:39:34,399
the best days I ever had.
663
00:39:50,910 --> 00:39:53,469
Rule one ... never stay the night.
664
00:39:53,470 --> 00:39:54,270
Quick shag, then home.
665
00:39:54,271 --> 00:39:55,349
Mm-hm.
666
00:39:55,677 --> 00:39:58,676
Two ... always, always wear a johnny.
667
00:39:58,973 --> 00:40:00,905
Nobody calls them johnnies any more.
668
00:40:00,945 --> 00:40:02,825
WOLF WHISTLING
669
00:40:03,910 --> 00:40:06,829
Three ... no shitting
on your own doorstep.
670
00:40:06,962 --> 00:40:09,241
I've suffered enough
local humiliation.
671
00:40:09,289 --> 00:40:11,208
No guys back to our marital bed...
672
00:40:11,241 --> 00:40:12,550
don't need those pictures
in my head.
673
00:40:12,551 --> 00:40:13,829
Fair enough.
674
00:40:14,571 --> 00:40:18,186
No-one over the age of 25...
I'm your personal MILF.
675
00:40:18,218 --> 00:40:22,046
(LAUGHS) No...one under the age
of 35 ... I'm your spunky, young lad.
676
00:40:22,085 --> 00:40:24,789
This might actually work, you know.
To be honest...
677
00:40:25,553 --> 00:40:26,741
I enjoyed it.
678
00:40:26,796 --> 00:40:27,769
BABY CRIES
679
00:40:27,801 --> 00:40:30,040
Oh! We've got a live one.
680
00:40:30,550 --> 00:40:32,269
(Come on, then.)
681
00:40:32,270 --> 00:40:33,390
Oh, ah!
682
00:40:40,985 --> 00:40:44,397
So, how was he, you old slapper?!
683
00:40:45,258 --> 00:40:47,098
What the fuck have I done, G?
684
00:40:48,910 --> 00:40:50,549
But I thought it was your idea.
685
00:40:50,550 --> 00:40:52,343
And it's the right idea.
686
00:40:52,572 --> 00:40:54,412
Doesn't make it any easier, though.
687
00:40:56,705 --> 00:40:58,785
I've not slept for 48 hours.
688
00:41:04,506 --> 00:41:07,986
♪ Through my sleepless days
I've found
689
00:41:08,830 --> 00:41:12,150
♪ That in my dreamless sleep
I'm bound
690
00:41:13,795 --> 00:41:17,035
♪ To one night hear the sound
691
00:41:18,030 --> 00:41:19,382
♪ Of you calling
692
00:41:20,369 --> 00:41:24,092
♪ Do not stumble through tonight
693
00:41:24,647 --> 00:41:26,585
♪ Have no fear of falling
694
00:41:30,110 --> 00:41:32,630
♪ And if nobody got lost
695
00:41:34,270 --> 00:41:37,549
♪ And if no-one paid the cost
696
00:41:37,550 --> 00:41:42,000
♪ The price of this, you may surmise
697
00:41:42,139 --> 00:41:44,339
♪ Is forever after
698
00:41:45,190 --> 00:41:49,016
♪ You won't stumble through tonight
699
00:41:49,630 --> 00:41:50,628
♪ Drowning in... ♪
700
00:41:50,629 --> 00:41:52,070
It's all right, I've got it.
701
00:41:52,578 --> 00:41:56,536
♪ You won't stumble through tonight
702
00:41:56,789 --> 00:41:59,430
♪ Drowning in their laughter. ♪
703
00:42:02,909 --> 00:42:05,133
This isn't what anyone
would have wanted...
704
00:42:07,508 --> 00:42:09,028
least of all me and Kelly.
705
00:42:18,295 --> 00:42:22,055
It's easy to look back and think how
things could have been different.
706
00:42:25,949 --> 00:42:30,414
But what's harder is to look forward
when something like this happens...
707
00:42:31,137 --> 00:42:33,057
cos it's hard to imagine a future.
708
00:42:35,110 --> 00:42:36,390
But we were blessed...
709
00:42:39,270 --> 00:42:41,790
me and Kelly were blessed.
710
00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:45,026
Our baby's name was Cherry Belle.
711
00:42:51,811 --> 00:42:53,531
She'll always be with us.
712
00:43:06,398 --> 00:43:07,757
Thank you.
713
00:43:08,016 --> 00:43:09,056
That's it now.
714
00:43:10,078 --> 00:43:13,478
It's time to...
stop grieving and start living.
715
00:43:14,977 --> 00:43:16,177
Where are you going?
716
00:43:17,190 --> 00:43:19,749
It's time I got back on the horse,
so to speak.
717
00:43:20,297 --> 00:43:21,909
I'm taking a shift at work.
718
00:43:21,910 --> 00:43:23,029
You can't.
719
00:43:24,069 --> 00:43:25,297
I mean...
720
00:43:25,327 --> 00:43:28,219
ain't it disrespectful...
to the baby?
721
00:43:45,390 --> 00:43:47,310
Oh, I'm shot to bits.
722
00:43:48,830 --> 00:43:51,029
So am I ... don't know if I'll last.
723
00:43:51,030 --> 00:43:52,469
Oh, come on, babe.
724
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:54,726
I've been looking forward to this
all day.
725
00:43:56,093 --> 00:43:57,293
It's your chapter.
726
00:43:57,950 --> 00:43:59,469
Where did we stop?
727
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:02,029
Sirius Black has escaped
from Azkaban,
728
00:44:02,030 --> 00:44:04,960
and Ron and Hermione
think he's coming after Harry.
729
00:44:05,585 --> 00:44:08,389
'They say that you get your reward
in heaven.
730
00:44:08,694 --> 00:44:11,333
'But they also say
that time waits for no man...
731
00:44:11,381 --> 00:44:12,621
'or woman.'
732
00:44:20,101 --> 00:44:22,367
'If you don't want to wait
until you get to heaven,
733
00:44:22,624 --> 00:44:25,617
'then you have to grab what you can,
when you can.'
734
00:44:36,390 --> 00:44:38,269
'We can't wait for others to fail
735
00:44:38,270 --> 00:44:41,029
'or for them to succeed
and give us what we need,
736
00:44:41,030 --> 00:44:44,109
'because our time here
can be so short
737
00:44:44,336 --> 00:44:47,256
'and we can't wait for the rest
of the world to catch up.
738
00:44:49,584 --> 00:44:51,945
'So if you're lucky
and if you work at it
739
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,687
'and throw yourself into it
740
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:55,798
'then you might, just might
741
00:44:56,096 --> 00:44:58,843
'get your reward,
right here on Earth.'
742
00:45:01,750 --> 00:45:02,830
I think I'm in love.
743
00:45:02,831 --> 00:45:04,269
Not the spaz?! Fuck off!
744
00:45:04,270 --> 00:45:06,270
Say you did shag a bird
in a wheeler, wouldn't it hurt?
745
00:45:06,271 --> 00:45:08,829
Maybe, if you let the brakes off!
746
00:45:08,830 --> 00:45:11,230
Don't want to be another lad.
I want to be your lad.
747
00:45:11,231 --> 00:45:13,543
Got anywhere to go? Want a Viagra?
748
00:45:14,019 --> 00:45:16,004
I never go anywhere
without my little bits.
749
00:45:16,030 --> 00:45:17,389
Outside.
750
00:45:17,390 --> 00:45:19,070
Can't we just do it in the... Oof!
751
00:45:20,270 --> 00:45:23,029
I'm your Auntie Angel.
Say hello to your auntie!
752
00:45:23,030 --> 00:45:24,829
Eww.
753
00:45:24,830 --> 00:45:28,389
I want to strap you onto me
and fuck you till your eyes water.
754
00:45:28,390 --> 00:45:30,589
♪ Ba-ba-da-ba-ah!
755
00:45:30,590 --> 00:45:33,909
♪ Ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ah
756
00:45:33,910 --> 00:45:36,509
♪ Ba-ba-da-ba-ah!
757
00:45:36,510 --> 00:45:40,029
♪ Ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ah
758
00:45:40,030 --> 00:45:42,629
♪ Ba-ba-da-ba-ah!
759
00:45:42,630 --> 00:45:48,229
♪ Ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ah
760
00:45:48,230 --> 00:45:49,509
♪ Ba-ba-da
761
00:45:49,510 --> 00:45:51,189
♪ Ba-ba-da-ba-ah
762
00:45:51,190 --> 00:45:52,629
♪ Ba-ba-da
763
00:45:52,630 --> 00:45:54,470
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ah. ♪
764
00:46:05,390 --> 00:46:08,390
765
00:46:14,190 --> 00:46:18,030
And that is how one peels a satsuma,
using only the tongue.
766
00:46:19,030 --> 00:46:21,669
We have got to go upstairs
right now.
767
00:46:21,670 --> 00:46:23,269
The night's young, Gloria.
768
00:46:23,270 --> 00:46:26,910
I'm so wet,
I might slip off me chair. Now!
769
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:31,510
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
55351
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof