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(Rumpole) "'And when she weeps,
weeps every little flower,
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"'Lamenting some enforced chastity."
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'But was the chastity forced?
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'It's always so bloody hard to know! '
6
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,919
Eeny, meeny, miney...
7
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,399
Mo!
8
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- Now... You're giving me a rape!
- That's right, sir.
9
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- Don't you want it?
- Want it!
10
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That's not the question
you ask of a rape, Albert.
11
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Rape comes uninvited.
12
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,112
(Ghoulish laugh)
13
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Oh God, like these beastly brown
envelopes from the Inland Revenue.
14
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,919
Cup of instant, Diane,
my lovely? I'm parched.
15
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:37,756
Make it yourself! I've 24 paragraphs
of intolerable conduct to type out here!
16
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:41,708
There! Their computer has gone
bloody mad! I've had four of these!
17
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,758
- Morning, Rumpole.
- Erskine-Brown, how are you?
18
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:47,912
Thank you, Rumpole.
Moderately well. Excuse me.
19
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:52,870
You've managed to get Mr Hoskins into
two courts at 10:30 tomorrow, Albert.
20
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,431
I don't know if you realised. Better pop
down later to see the clerk of the lists.
21
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,239
Get him to make the fraud
not before 10:45.
22
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,039
He wouldn't want to split
Mr Hoskins in two?
23
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:08,911
- God forbid. You've never done a rape.
- As you know, I prefer the civil side.
24
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,435
I find crime moderately distasteful.
25
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,957
Six typing errors in this statement
from the Hercules Building Society.
26
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,908
A building society? That sounds
moderately distasteful to me.
27
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,913
I just hate sending messy work.
Don't you, Rumpole?
28
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:27,392
The work I send out is usually encrusted
with the ash of a small cigar
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00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,394
and stained with Pommeroys plonk.
Isn't that right, Albert?
30
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,916
- So could Diane...
- Diane has a divorce petition.
31
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:38,595
- And three opinions!
- Give it some kind of priority, Albert.
32
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:43,880
- I am trying to do the petty cash.
- I imagine that causes you difficulty.
33
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,191
When you finish putting
the figures through the abacus
34
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,828
or whatever miracle
of modern science we use.
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00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,195
It's a paying rape! It's not on Legal Aid!
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00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,669
I got a cheque in for you this morning.
37
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:59,038
It's a long time since I bought you
a glass of claret. We must celebrate!
38
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:03,716
That's your monthly statement of VAT
and breakdown of chambers expenses.
39
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:09,193
So, when they made Bumble Whitelock
Chief Justice of the Seaward Isles...
40
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,352
Oh, I don't know.
Some bloody godforsaken hole!
41
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:17,196
He had his first case, fellow found
guilty of living on immoral earnings.
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00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:21,478
Being a new boy, he didn't know
what sort of sentence to hand out.
43
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:27,397
He sent to the dock where the retiring
magistrate was just on the boat home.
44
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,471
Thank you, love.
45
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:34,319
The message was, "What do you
usually give a ponce?" I'll do this.
46
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:38,029
- No, no, sir, quite honestly.
- Are you sure? My turn next.
47
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:43,311
What do you usually give a ponce?
Message came back by fast rickshaw.
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00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,234
"What do I usually give a ponce?
Never more than half a crown."
49
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,917
- You like that, do you?
- I've always liked it, sir.
50
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:57,356
Oh, dear, Albert, we are getting used to
each other's jokes. It's like a marriage.
51
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:01,433
Perhaps you'd like a divorce, sir.
Henry can do your clerking for you.
52
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,556
Henry?
53
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,555
We'd sit in here over a Cinzano Bianco.
54
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:12,474
He'd show me all his colour snaps
of his holiday in Mallorca.
55
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,791
No, thanks, Albert. We'll rub along
for a while yet.
56
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,636
Who got me this brief, for instance?
57
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,314
Solicitors. They like the cut of your jib.
58
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,596
Come on, Albert!
59
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,958
Private rape cases don't drop out
of the sky like apples in the high wind.
60
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,076
- However my jib is cut!
- Well...
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00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:34,119
I do have the odd drink here
with Mr Myers of instructing solicitors.
62
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:36,919
Their managing clerk.
Do you remember Myersy?
63
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,196
- Myers?
- Grows prize tomatoes.
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00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,830
Likes to be asked about them, sir,
if I may suggest it.
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00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,389
Does he? Right. Yes, come over.
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00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:51,671
Myers, I remember now! Chunky fellow
with a big grey moustache,
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00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:54,798
spectacles and he smokes
a mixture of old socks.
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00:05:54,960 --> 00:06:00,114
That's the one, Mr Rumpole. He thinks
the prosecution case may be dodgy.
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00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,874
Says their only chance
is to crucify the girl.
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00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,439
A bit extreme.
71
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,717
I remember when
you cross-examined the complainant
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00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,997
in that indecent assault
at the old Kilburn Alhambra.
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00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,675
You brought out how he touched her up
during the Movietone News.
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00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:19,277
She admitted she'd sat through half of
Rose Marie and a wildlife documentary
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00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,158
before she even complained.
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00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,470
She fainted during your questioning.
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00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,677
Yeah, got her on the wing
about the tenth question.
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00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:30,230
Pow! She plummeted like a partridge
out of the witness box.
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00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:34,552
That's what I told old Myersy. "Will
Rumpole be afraid of attacking her?
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00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,395
"There's not a woman in the world
my Mr Rumpole is afraid of."
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00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,799
- Hilda!
- Rumpole?
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00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,313
"Being your slave,
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00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:50,429
"what should I do but tend upon
the hours and times of your desires?"
84
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,479
- Is that you, Rumpole?
- "I have no precious time at all to spend.
85
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:58,599
- "Nor services to rue till you require."
- You're late, Rumpole!
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00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,672
"Nor dare I chide
the world-without-end hour,
87
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:05,071
"whilst I, my sovereign,
watch the clock for you."
88
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,915
I was watching the clock.
I've been watching it since 6:30!
89
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:13,312
I'm sorry I'm late. Something blew up.
A new brief.
90
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,517
- I bought a bottle of plonk.
- That won't be enough.
91
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:20,229
- Good God! Are we moving?
- Not enough wine for tomorrow evening.
92
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,233
- What?
- Son's coming to dinner.
93
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,153
- Oh!
- Nick coming to dinner, is he?
94
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,834
I see, so that's it.
95
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,118
I'll pop into Pommeroys on the way
home, get a nice bottle of claret.
96
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,556
Don't you be late tomorrow.
He's bringing Erica.
97
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,438
Oh, is he?
98
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,229
Well, I'll pop into Healthways
and get a magnum of carrot juice.
99
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,949
- You've got nothing against Erica.
- She's teetotal.
100
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,874
- Just that she's American.
- And American. What more do I need?
101
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:54,477
"Nice salt pork, saut�
in a thick-bottomed pan until brown."
102
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,996
- Sometimes I think you're jealous.
- Jealous of Nick?
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00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,835
"Onion into quarters or eighths."
You want your son to be happy?
104
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,878
- "Into quarters."
- Of course I want him to be happy.
105
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,396
- That's just the point.
- "Saut� the onions until golden."
106
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:13,714
An MP, an Honourable Member,
wife and two children.
107
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,677
"Stock. Simmer gently."
108
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:19,071
Why should he suddenly take it
into his head to rape anyone?
109
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,391
Rape? What, a Member of Parliament?
110
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,279
"Slice cabbage into fairly large pieces."
111
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,000
- What side is he on?
- Labour.
112
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,116
Oh, well, there you are, then.
113
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,392
- What would you suggest?
- There must be some solution.
114
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:41,032
- Some reasonable compromise.
- What sort of a compromise?
115
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,510
You're the lawyer.
Couldn't you have a word with Bridget?
116
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:48,798
- We can't believe she'd do this to Ken.
- That would rather depend...
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00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,916
On what Ken had done to her.
118
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:56,956
I'm sorry.
Do you mind if I call you Mr Aspen?
119
00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:01,159
I find this first-name business
a bit embarrassing.
120
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,516
Rather like a cloth cap
on the Labour member in the House.
121
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:09,434
Mr Aspen, there is no such thing
as a compromise in a rape case.
122
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:14,879
Either you did it or you didn't. Either
they lock you up or they let you go.
123
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:19,670
I can hardly persuade the judge
to enter into a coalition
124
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:25,949
to defeat the alleged rapee, Bridget
Evans, on a vote of no confidence.
125
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:29,271
- What can I do?
- Do what you came to do, Mr Aspen.
126
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:34,468
Tell me what happened. Mrs Aspen,
perhaps you'd like to do some shopping.
127
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,154
- Why?
- I thought maybe a new hat.
128
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,470
Some judges still like hats.
129
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,596
(Rumpole chuckles)
130
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,718
- Your husband might...
- Mr Rumpole, he is my husband.
131
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,836
I intend to stay with him.
132
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,076
I see, all right.
133
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,836
Right. Now, what happened?
134
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,916
- Well, as far as I can remember...
- Yes.
135
00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,638
We were both working late.
136
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,837
I had made changes
in the next day's press handout.
137
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,118
- She was duplicating them.
- Yes, then what happened?
138
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:14,038
- Well, she called from the next office.
- Yes?
139
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:19,718
She wanted me to come in
because the duplicator didn't work.
140
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:25,560
When I got into the office, I went straight
to the machine. She said it was stuck.
141
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,075
- Yes, go on.
- (Knocking)
142
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,913
- Yes, come in.
- Rumpole, I...
143
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:36,552
- Sorry, I'm looking for the 1942 cases.
- They are over there, old darling.
144
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,836
Probably more than a little dusty.
145
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,276
Yes, then what happened?
146
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,237
Go on, Mr Aspen.
147
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:50,758
Well... She was behind me.
I couldn't see exactly.
148
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,314
- I think she locked the door.
- You think?
149
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,789
- She locked it.
- Why would she do that?
150
00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:00,873
- I don't know.
- A modest lady wanted to ravish you?
151
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,952
Thanks very much. Do forgive me.
152
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:13,308
- Yes, then what happened?
- She wanted to talk.
153
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,516
So she locked the door.
154
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,752
- Anyone else in the other room?
- No, I told you.
155
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:22,674
It was late, everyone had gone home.
Janice Crowshott had gone.
156
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,512
- Paul...
- Paul. Who's Paul?
157
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,638
Paul Etherington, Ken's agent.
158
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,475
- Well, how long did this talk take?
- I don't know.
159
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:36,236
- Five minutes. Ten, I don't know.
- You've got to know, Mr Aspen.
160
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:40,279
- What did you talk about?
- Politics.
161
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,079
She locked the door
of the duplicating room
162
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,959
to have a cosy chat
about Home Rule for Wales?
163
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,473
Of course not.
164
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,110
During harsh words about export
figures, her clothes got torn?
165
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,236
Look, she started to accuse me.
166
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,996
She said I'd betrayed her, betrayed
all the workers, betrayed socialism.
167
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,549
- Accused me of being unfaithful.
- To her?
168
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,075
- To my principles.
- Oh, those!
169
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,435
- You're used to hearing that.
- Yes.
170
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,672
Must be part of life
in the dear old Labour Party.
171
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:14,072
- Then she started to talk about Anna.
- She wanted Ken to leave me.
172
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,391
- Is that right?
- It was the whole set-up.
173
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,358
The house in Hampstead
Garden Suburb, the school.
174
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,750
Sarah, a convent. Edward, Westminster.
175
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,435
And the loyal voters are down
for the comprehensive.
176
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:32,038
Then she started screaming
and shouting. Abuse, obscenities.
177
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,156
I can't remember.
178
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,476
Righteous indignation.
179
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:42,359
Then she started clawing at me,
telling me I didn't have the courage to...
180
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,836
Courage to what?
181
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,719
- Well...
- To make love to her, Ken believed.
182
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,836
Thank you.
183
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,599
- Is that true?
- Ken made love to her on the floor.
184
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,917
You believed that was what she wanted?
185
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:07,279
- Yes, that's what I believed.
- I was getting a whiff of a defence.
186
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,512
- Of course we've got a defence.
- She was goading me.
187
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,989
Shouting and screaming.
188
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,436
- When I saw what she did to the poster.
- You saw that, then?
189
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,079
- Yes.
- Then?
190
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:23,838
- Yes, I think so.
- I want you to be very sure about this.
191
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,310
You saw that defaced poster
before anything happened?
192
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:32,039
- Yes, I'm almost sure.
- No, not almost, Mr Aspen.
193
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,156
Quite sure. Quite, quite sure.
194
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,350
- Well... Yes.
- She didn't do it while you were there?
195
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,476
No.
196
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,439
Then she must've done it
before she called you into the room.
197
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:51,071
- Is it important?
- No! A triviality!
198
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:56,394
Of course it's important, Mr Aspen. It
means she hated your guts beforehand.
199
00:13:56,560 --> 00:14:01,350
If we can show that in court, her
accusation of rape becomes suspect.
200
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,117
I hadn't thought of that.
Of course, you're right.
201
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:12,070
Mr Aspen, if you give the same thought
to the economy as your own defence,
202
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,196
no wonder the pound's dicky.
203
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,158
All right, Mr Rumpole, the case is yours.
204
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,677
- I'll go back and worry about the pound.
- Case? We haven't got a case yet.
205
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:28,277
You see, I don't know a damn thing
about this Bridget Evans.
206
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,000
Mr Myers, perhaps you could do
some digging.
207
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,116
You're used to that, aren't you?
208
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:38,439
So, the message came back,
by fast rickshaw...
209
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,470
"What do I usually give a ponce?"
210
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,596
(Roaring laughter)
211
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,193
- "What do I usually give a ponce?"
- Rumpole!
212
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,316
"Never more than half a crown!"
213
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,317
Well... At least that's over...
214
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:06,599
So, you're all fixed up
at Warwick University now, Nick?
215
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,593
- They offered me the job.
- You're going to take it?
216
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,830
- Actually...
- I think so.
217
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,595
There is a new department
of social studies at Baltimore.
218
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:19,435
- They'd really welcome you back.
- (Rumpole) Oh?
219
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,989
- I don't know.
- Come on, Nick.
220
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,311
Professor Daintry told you
there was a job for you.
221
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,755
He just thinks all the world of Nick.
222
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:31,196
- This really is a delicious meal.
- Thank you.
223
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:38,395
So... it's not decided?
224
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,516
Of course, from our point of view,
225
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,877
Warwick does have
certain advantages over Baltimore.
226
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,669
- I doubt academic standards are higher.
- Perhaps not.
227
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,195
But it's closer to Gloucester Road.
228
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,716
- Oh, some more water!
- Thank you.
229
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:58,192
Do you know that scientific research
has conclusively proved
230
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,636
that drinking water
makes your hair fall out,
231
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,917
gives you ingrowing toenails
and fallen arches?
232
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,197
They're going to pass a law against it.
Water, Hilda?
233
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,749
Shut up, Dad.
234
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,071
You'll get used to Rumpole
when you join the family.
235
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:19,360
- He doesn't have to be taken seriously.
- Nick talked lots about you in Baltimore.
236
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,910
That must have been remarkably
tedious. Did you really?
237
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:27,710
- I told her your jokes.
- They'd sound gibberish in Baltimore.
238
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,677
He told me about your work.
239
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:34,072
I think it's fantastic how you stand up
in court for the underprivileged.
240
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:38,870
I will stand up in court for absolutely any
underprivileged person in the world.
241
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,874
- Provided they're on Legal Aid!
- What's your motivation?
242
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,029
- In taking these kinds of cases.
- My motivation?
243
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,912
Money!
244
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,799
- Don't believe him.
- You're rationalising.
245
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,758
- It's money.
- It's the sound of his own voice!
246
00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:01,277
Without the Legal Aid cheque,
I would be as silent as the tomb.
247
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,035
The voice of the Rumpole
would not be heard in the Strand.
248
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,873
The poor and underprivileged
may rely on me.
249
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:12,272
- I'm sure they can. This is delicious.
- Thank you.
250
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:16,558
The Legal Aid provides a passable
claret from Pommeroys wine bar.
251
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:20,838
Of course, you know, I do get
privately paid briefs sometimes.
252
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,117
A nice, fat slander. Lots of money
in that sort of thing.
253
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,475
- Erica wants to come and hear you.
- Oh?
254
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:31,031
- I don't think I could miss it, could I?
- I'm hardly a tourist attraction.
255
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:36,194
No, but if I'm going to live in England, I
want to know all I can about your mores.
256
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,669
Ah, the tribal customs?
257
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:44,151
- And Nick's family.
- Why don't you come on Monday?
258
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,595
Nick will bring you down to lunch.
259
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:51,834
You used to pop into the Bailey from
school. Enjoyed the occasional murder.
260
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,879
We'll have some steak and kidney pud,
just like the old days, eh?
261
00:17:56,040 --> 00:18:00,318
That's settled. Come on Monday.
We'll have some fun.
262
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,870
- Fun? What sort of fun?
- Rape.
263
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,756
Bridget.
264
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,434
She's absolutely useless.
265
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,272
A troublemaker.
266
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,796
Would you care to enlarge on that
for us, Miss Crowshott?
267
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,191
- She's a bloody Trot.
- Trot?
268
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:33,150
- Trotskyite. Follower of Trotsky.
- Oh, yes?
269
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,073
Sort of left-wing activist.
270
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:44,069
The kind that infiltrates.
Oh, she was very nice to Ken at first.
271
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,196
Very charming.
272
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,388
Then she was
always passing judgement.
273
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,717
- Even Paul was taken in by her once.
- Paul?
274
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,838
Now, that's Paul Etherington, is it?
The agent?
275
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:08,313
That's right. They... sort of had
an affair some time ago.
276
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,872
But even Paul couldn't stand
all that bloody lying.
277
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,717
And the days off for deep analysis.
278
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:22,193
I wonder if you could tell me a bit more
about that, Miss Crowshott.
279
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:27,753
I'm even more interested in that, if I may
say so, than in her political beliefs.
280
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,310
Oh, Mr Myers, my old tomato!
281
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,438
Oh, my dear little tomato Myers,
you have dug deep.
282
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,637
- You have uncovered gold.
- (Knocking)
283
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,916
Oh, come in!
284
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,356
Ah, I wanted to speak to you
as a senior member of chambers.
285
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:47,513
Oh, frabjous day, Erskine-Brown!
Calloo! Callay!
286
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,319
It's a matter of the moral welfare
of Chambers.
287
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,678
Oh, Miss Evans.
You unreliable witness. Oh, dear, dear.
288
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,469
You think it's possible we may spring
the Honourable Member?
289
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:03,077
- Mustn't bother the Head of Chambers.
- Eh? Oh, indeed, why not?
290
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:08,553
Why not bother him? He's got very little
on his mind except a fat planning case.
291
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,235
And deliberately losing at golf
to the Lord Chancellor.
292
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:16,029
Guthrie Featherstone, QC MP,
old darling, is ripe for bothering!
293
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,839
- It's our head clerk.
- Albert, why bother him?
294
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,956
Albert's a thief.
295
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,557
Our head clerk is a criminal, Rumpole.
296
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,436
I say, as an ornament of our civil side,
297
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,398
don't you find that word
moderately distasteful?
298
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,155
- I'm afraid to say, it's the truth.
- I doubt it!
299
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,993
- I have proof.
- Ho, ho! Exhibit One?
300
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,676
Let's have a look.
301
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,879
Well, now, that seems a fairly
conventional portrait of Her Majesty.
302
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,076
There's a red cross in the corner.
303
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,397
- Horror! So there is.
- I put it there.
304
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:01,475
- I marked the money in petty cash.
- Time hanging heavy on your hands?
305
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:05,076
- A slump in Contract?
- I've suspected Albert for a long time.
306
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,117
- Really?
- Yes, really.
307
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:11,796
I saw him in Pommeroys and got the
note he paid with off one of the girls.
308
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:17,751
- Erskine-Brown, you astonish me.
- I thought you'd be surprised, Rumpole.
309
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,471
- You've known Albert for a long time.
- Been together now for 40 years!
310
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,315
- I daresay it's difficult to believe.
- Extremely!
311
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:31,315
Well, well. A private eye
taking up the Bar as a profession!
312
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,472
- I beg your pardon?
- Well, in my day, it used to be
313
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:40,431
nasty little men in grubby mackintoshes
snuffling over registers in cheap hotels,
314
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,194
observing bedrooms through binoculars
315
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:48,070
in the hope of seeing male and female
clothing scattered about the place!
316
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,913
First time I've heard of a private dick
317
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,834
being called to the Bar and becoming
an expert in the law of contract!
318
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,629
- I'm not proud of how I got the evidence.
- You did remarkably well.
319
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,792
Remind me to use your services
when I next want a divorce.
320
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,916
Follow women about in cars, do you?
321
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,719
I'll have to go to the Head of Chambers.
322
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:12,512
Why not? One small thing escaped
your attention, my dear Holmes.
323
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,875
Really, what's that?
324
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,516
Yesterday afternoon,
I borrowed �5 from petty cash,
325
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,911
no doubt notes decorated by you,
326
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,356
and I paid for all of Albert's drinks
in Pommeroys.
327
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:34,193
- Rumpole, are you sure?
- Draft an affidavit for me to swear to.
328
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:38,114
I suppose that won't be necessary.
329
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,714
No, it wouldn't be very safe, either.
330
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,633
Isn't there some branch
of your tasteful civil law
331
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,552
called "defamation of character"?
332
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,314
Of course, you're the expert.
333
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,519
I really would advise you as a learned
friend not to go around Chambers
334
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,070
spreading these wild allegations
about our chief clerk,
335
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,277
a darling who has been here
since you were in nappies.
336
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,194
Very well, Rumpole. I'm sorry
I interrupted your rape.
337
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,316
Say no more. Oh, Erskine-Brown!
338
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,915
Yes?
339
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:15,392
Convey my commiserations
to the unfortunate Henry.
340
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:19,109
The position of second clerk
must be continually frustrating.
341
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,277
"O, hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
342
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,874
"Come to my arms, thou beamish boy!
343
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:35,429
"Not yet, Father, but I will."
344
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,191
Oh, yes, I will.
345
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,752
Your tomatoes doing all right,
are they, Mr Myers?
346
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,309
I had a stab at hydroponics,
Mr Rumpole.
347
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,517
Now I've gone back to growing them
by ring culture.
348
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,114
- Of course I use a lot of artificial.
- Do you?
349
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:01,193
- They're fourth truss already.
- Lively little beggars, then!
350
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,118
Your boy.
Albert was telling me about your boy.
351
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,113
- Nick?
- He's done so well in America.
352
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,352
- He's the brains of the family. Morning.
- Morning.
353
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:16,640
Yes, they've offered him a lectureship
in Warwick University. Sociology.
354
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:21,590
He's engaged to be married. Met her in
America. Bringing her back to live here.
355
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,876
- Course, I never had a family.
- No?
356
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:28,113
No. Well, all those children
about the place.
357
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,192
- Plays merry hell with your tomatoes.
- Mr Rumpole.
358
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,316
Pardon me.
359
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:40,629
- I hope you're not going to let me down.
- You? You're in no danger of the nick.
360
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,439
I could lose everything I ever worked for.
361
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,797
- Yes, I understand.
- No, you don't understand.
362
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,679
It's been hard work. I made Ken fight.
363
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,515
I made him go for the nomination,
I made him fight for the seat.
364
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:57,468
When he got in, he said he'd sit on
the back benches and throw in ideas.
365
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,791
I made him go for the PPS's job
and he got it.
366
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,713
He can't see it's either him or her now.
367
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,873
Ken can't see that.
He's always looking for compromises.
368
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,190
Sometimes he makes me so angry.
369
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,636
Angrier than the thought of him
and Miss Evans on the floor?
370
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,189
- Why should I worry about that?
- Aspen!
371
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,796
Surrender to your bail now.
372
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,315
- Mr Rumpole, could I...
- I'll do my very best for you, Mrs Aspen.
373
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,436
If your husband will let me.
374
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:46,715
(Rumpole) 'Go into court on a rape. It's
like stepping into a fridge with no light.
375
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,594
'AII the men thinking of their daughters.
376
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:54,309
'AII the women sitting
with their knees jammed together.
377
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,394
'Ah! Except number four.
378
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,358
'Could number four be sympathetic?
379
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:06,199
"'Why didn't you ring me, dearie?
I'd have saved you all this trouble."
380
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:11,397
'Oh, dear, no, another Tory lady.
381
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,949
'No friend of the Honourable Member.
382
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:21,156
'Even the judge, even old Sam Parkin,
383
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:26,394
'he's perfectly capable of giving a
conditional discharge for manslaughter
384
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,994
'or putting an old lag on probation.
385
00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:33,955
'Even old Sam looks
as if he's just heard the clerk say,
386
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,554
"'Put up Jack the Ripper."
387
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:44,715
'When you start to cross-examine in a
rape case, you open the flap of the tent
388
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,838
'and you're out in the blizzard.'
389
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,548
Miss Bridget Evans.
390
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:58,635
This... incident involving Mr Aspen...
391
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:04,554
...took place at 11:30
on the Wednesday night.
392
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,759
- I don't know. I didn't watch the clock.
- At about 11:30.
393
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,070
After everyone had gone home, yes.
394
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:15,199
All witnesses departed - no one
to establish my client's innocence!
395
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:20,275
- M'Lord!
- When it was all over, what did you do?
396
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:24,797
- I went home.
- Went quietly to bed and to sleep?
397
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:29,590
- I didn't sleep very much, actually.
- A crime had been committed.
398
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,593
A serious and a terrible crime.
399
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,833
You went home, tucked yourself
up in bed and went to sleep.
400
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:42,950
You said not one word about it to the
police until 6:30pm the following day.
401
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:45,714
He's using
the old Alhambra Cinema technique.
402
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:52,714
- You went to bed. Were you alone?
- What's that got to do with it?
403
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,751
- Did you go to bed alone?
- I told you. I went to bed.
404
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,991
Miss Evans, I shall ask you again.
405
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:04,756
I shall go on asking all night if necessary
in the interests of my client.
406
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,593
Did you go to bed alone?
407
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,315
Do I have to answer that, My Lord?
408
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,314
Yes, you do, and My Lord will so direct.
409
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:20,873
Perhaps if you were to answer
Mr Rumpole's question shortly,
410
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:26,353
you would be out of the box quite quickly
and your painful experience over.
411
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,592
(Rumpole) 'Oh, no, Sam, she'll be there
for a while.
412
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,672
'Not five years perhaps,
but a little while.'
413
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:36,230
- Well?
- Yes, I went to bed alone.
414
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,119
Thank you.
How long had that been going on?
415
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:42,397
How long had what been going on,
Mr Rumpole?
416
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,632
That the witness had taken
to sleeping alone, My Lord.
417
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,234
No longer friendly
with Paul Etherington?
418
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:52,029
Paul and I split about two years
ago, if you want to know the truth.
419
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:57,991
- I do want the truth. I'm sure the jury...
- Mr Rumpole!
420
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:02,472
Is it going to help us to know
about this young lady and Paul...
421
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,837
Paul Etherington, My Lord.
He was a parliamentary agent.
422
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:09,675
I'm anxious not to keep this witness
any longer than necessary.
423
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,399
I do understand, My Lord.
It must be unpleasant.
424
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,233
(Rumpole) 'Not as unpleasant
as five years inside.'
425
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:22,190
- But I do have my duty to do.
- And a couple of refreshers to earn.
426
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:31,232
So, you had lived with Mr Etherington
for two years before you parted?
427
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,914
- Yes.
- And...
428
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,954
You were 18 when you started
to live together?
429
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:39,917
Just. Nearly 18.
430
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,674
- Yes, and before that?
- I was at school.
431
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:46,469
- Did you have lovers before Paul?
- Yes.
432
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:52,231
- While still at school! How many?
- One or two.
433
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,075
Or three or four, or didn't they
stay long enough to be counted?
434
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,118
- Mr Rumpole!
- My Lord, I'm sorry, I apologise.
435
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,953
Pure unnecessary comment.
I withdraw it at once.
436
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:07,240
- Your Mr Rumpole is doing us proud.
- His hand has lost none of its cunning.
437
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:11,598
- When did you have your abortion?
- I was 19. It was perfectly legal.
438
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,911
- I know it was.
- I got a medical certificate, My Lord.
439
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,755
- You were certified unfit for childbirth.
- I suppose so.
440
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:24,995
Not because of any physical defect.
There was nothing the matter physically.
441
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:29,711
Your certificate was in fact issued
by a psychiatrist, was it not?
442
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:34,556
That's quite normal. It was just
impossible for Paul and I to have a child.
443
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:40,158
- He didn't want us to get married and...
- A psychiatrist certified you "unstable".
444
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:45,792
(Rumpole) 'A shot in the dark dark, but
isn't that what psychiatrists always say? '
445
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:51,114
- Something like that, yes.
- The jury has the evidence of a woman
446
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,397
who has been certified
emotionally unstable.
447
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,039
(Whispering)
448
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,795
Is it your emotional instability
which has led you
449
00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:02,997
to invent a tissue of lies about my client?
450
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:12,391
Well, what is the answer
to Mr Rumpole's question?
451
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,996
No, My Lord!
452
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,391
Three months ago, you took
a number of sleeping tablets.
453
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,198
- By accident?
- No.
454
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:26,193
- Then why?
- I told you.
455
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,193
Um... It was...
456
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,479
I told you, I'd just parted from Paul.
457
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,758
Come, Miss Evans, you had parted
from Mr Etherington a year before.
458
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,196
It was... I was all mixed up!
459
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:43,352
Still being treated
by your psychiatrist?
460
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:48,796
- For your mental state?
- I suppose so.
461
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,191
And was it then you met Mr Aspen
for the first time?
462
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,430
Just about that time, yes.
463
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,397
- And fell in love with him?
- No.
464
00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,269
Became so obsessed you pursued him
at any cost to him or his family.
465
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:05,230
- The truth is I didn't even like him.
- The night after you and he made love...
466
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:09,313
- Made love! Is that what you call it?
- He refused to leave his wife!
467
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:13,359
- We never discussed his wife!
- What did you discuss, politics?
468
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:20,515
- I told you, there wasn't time for that!
- You were in a rage when he refused.
469
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,309
- You invented a charge. You hate him!
- I don't hate him!
470
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,994
Can it be you were still in love with him?
471
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,516
I never hated him.
I tell you, I was indifferent to him!
472
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:35,151
So indifferent to him,
you did that to his face on the wall?
473
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,116
Perhaps. I...
474
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,157
- After!
- Before!
475
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:45,950
You did that earlier in the evening in one
of your crazy fits of rage and jealousy.
476
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,111
No! No!
477
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,111
No!
478
00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,474
Is that poster going to be Exhibit 24,
Mr Rumpole?
479
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,710
If Your Lordship pleases...
480
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,719
Here we are, jolly Jack Pommeroys.
481
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,634
Jean, some champagne. Bottle
of your best cooking champagne.
482
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,997
- Oh, and a jug of iced water.
- I'll have a Coke.
483
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,799
Good, we're celebrating. A Coke.
484
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,076
Here we are. Seats.
485
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,676
Oh, I've come out in a muck sweat.
486
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,400
Bloody hard work, like digging the roads.
487
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,234
Well, we made some headway
this afternoon.
488
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,231
I'll say you did.
489
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:37,197
Erica was a bit upset.
490
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,591
- Is that the way you make your living?
- A humble living.
491
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,479
With the occasional glass
of cooking champagne.
492
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,916
- Attacking women?
- Not women, particularly.
493
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:51,153
I attack anybody, regardless of age
or sex, who chooses to attack my client.
494
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,754
God knows which is the criminal,
him or her.
495
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,798
Old darling,
that's what we're trying to find out.
496
00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:01,590
- Ah, the champers, thank you.
- That went down frightfully well.
497
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:06,038
"The decision of a most experienced
judge. Ah, yes, it was Your Lordship's!"
498
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:10,398
I play golf with him. He expects
a round of applause after every stroke.
499
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,516
There we are. Cheers!
500
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:18,956
What worries Ricky is that the girl
has to go through all that.
501
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:20,872
I mean, on top of the rape.
502
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,873
- On top of the rape?
- Yes.
503
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,350
- It's as if she's getting punished.
- Now, just a minute.
504
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,796
Aren't you jumping the gun?
Who is saying there was a rape?
505
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:35,670
- Well, isn't she?
- Oh, I see, it's enough if she says it.
506
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,150
I mean,
it's not like any special sort of crime.
507
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:44,030
Like murder or bank robbery or forging
cheques. They've got to be proved.
508
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:50,753
But because some dotty girl says so,
he's off to chokey without question.
509
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:54,515
- How's it going, Rumpole?
- Ah, Featherstone. You know Nick.
510
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,717
- Nicky's intended, Ricky.
- Nice to meet you.
511
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:02,317
Erskine-Brown. Guthrie Featherstone
MP, Head of Chambers.
512
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,711
- Sorry, I didn't quite catch your name.
- Erica.
513
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,270
- Ricky. You see, Ricky and Nicky.
- Yes.
514
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,396
Jolly good.
515
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,677
- So, you really think she's dotty?
- What, the girl?
516
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,593
Look, you don't want to discuss
a boring old case.
517
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,116
- Are you ready for Warwick?
- We've got to discuss this.
518
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,716
Rape is the greatest act
of aggression any human can inflict.
519
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,156
Oh, Dad is just doing his job.
I'm sorry we came.
520
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:34,836
Oh, I'm glad. Sure I'm glad.
He's a field study in archaic attitudes.
521
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:38,675
Come on, what's archaic
about wanting equality of the sexes?
522
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,354
- Equality?
- Why... Ah, Tom!
523
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,556
- You know Nick?
- Yes, hello, Nick.
524
00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:47,508
Nicky's fianc�e, Erica.
Uncle Tom. George Frobisher.
525
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,558
- How do you do?
- Toasting the happy couple, eh?
526
00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:55,396
You're a lucky young fellow. I remember
when you used to come to Chambers...
527
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:59,109
Why don't we go and get a drink
and we can talk to them later?
528
00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:04,792
- You're into equality?
- For God's sake, yes.
529
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:10,318
Give you equal pay. Let you be
all-in wrestlers and the Lord Chancellor.
530
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:14,632
I'll even make the supreme sacrifice
and stop giving you my seat on the bus.
531
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,473
The inequality is your suggestion,
old darling,
532
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:21,428
that women witnesses should be
more equal than any other witnesses.
533
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:26,390
Have her personal and private life
dragged out of her by some guy in a wig.
534
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,711
- I'll call into Chambers tomorrow.
- It's incredible!
535
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:32,553
- Come on, Erica.
- No, it's a good argument.
536
00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:34,870
It's not a good argument. It's lousy.
537
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:38,715
Puts up a damn better fight
than most of the learned friends.
538
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,189
I am not interested in a good argument.
539
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:46,115
I am interested in exposing this kind
of outrage against women. That's all.
540
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,469
Erica, what seems to you
to be the outrage?
541
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:56,998
- A man forcing his masculinity.
- What about a woman getting revenge?
542
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,596
I don't suppose I'll ever
have to choose between being raped
543
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,389
and being banged up for five years
with a chamber pot but if I do...
544
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,755
- You're being defensive again!
- Am I?
545
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,912
You find the argument painful
so you make a joke of it.
546
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,595
Perhaps. It's not a joke
for my client, Erica.
547
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,797
Haven't you ever considered
that he may be innocent?
548
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:20,270
Well, he just better be.
That's all I can say!
549
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:24,274
After what you did to that girl
this afternoon, he just better be!
550
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:30,675
Oh, dear... I'm... I'll see you later.
551
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:38,996
It's unbelievable.
552
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,389
And he's using a wine bar as his bank.
553
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:43,993
With our money.
554
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:48,199
Mind if I join you? The youngsters have
pushed off. We can finish that.
555
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:51,670
Rumpole.
Jack's got something to show you.
556
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,108
This is a cheque made out to you,
Mr Rumpole.
557
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:59,671
Sprout and Pennyweather, �5.50.
Yes, that was for a conference.
558
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:03,799
Yes, I was just wondering, sir.
Is that your signature?
559
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,076
You don't need to tell us, Rumpole.
560
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:08,796
It's Albert's writing.
561
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,872
- Did you have to question her like that?
- Yes.
562
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:20,191
Dragging out her life
for the vultures in the press.
563
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,716
- I want you to win, Mr Aspen.
- You sound like my wife.
564
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,836
She always wants me to win.
565
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,996
I'm so tired.
566
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,876
It's peaceful here, isn't it?
567
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:40,716
Very peaceful.
568
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:45,351
Well, it's hardly three rosettes in the
Michelin as far as the grub's concerned.
569
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:48,876
Tasteless stodge.
570
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,356
Reminds me of nursery teas.
571
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,196
- Almost comforting.
- Look here, old darling.
572
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:00,352
You're not falling in love with the nick?
573
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:04,399
Now, look, there are
only two important points to remember.
574
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:09,076
The first is you saw that defaced poster
as soon as you came into the room.
575
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:14,832
She believed in me, you know,
that girl. She worked devotedly.
576
00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:19,030
As soon as you came into the room,
not after. Now, remember.
577
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,950
The second thing is,
you believed she wanted it.
578
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,680
That's all. You believed that.
579
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:29,594
She worked devotedly.
For years and years.
580
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,076
And Anna too.
581
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,916
She worked so hard.
582
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:40,316
Sitting on committees.
Chatting up ministers.
583
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,156
Keeping in with the press.
584
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:49,232
Trying to convince the faithful
that it all still meant something.
585
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:55,828
My wife, Anna, you know, she...
She wanted me in the Cabinet.
586
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,476
- She wanted to be a minister's wife.
- And what did you want?
587
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,915
I wanted it to stop.
588
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:07,356
Did you notice anything
when you came into the room?
589
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,076
Nothing in particular.
590
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,557
- Was there a poster on the wall?
- Don't lead.
591
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:21,872
There were several posters, I think.
With my face on them, yes.
592
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,753
Perhaps it will help you
if the witness saw Exhibit 24.
593
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:35,038
(Rumpole) 'What's the matter
with the Honourable Member?
594
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,636
'Does he want to get back
downstairs to his spaghetti rings? '
595
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,917
Did you see that done
when you came into the room?
596
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,036
I can't remember.
597
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,956
Did Miss Evans start talking
about your wife?
598
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:59,473
- About Anna, yes.
- Did she ask you to leave your wife?
599
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,116
(Judge) Did she?
600
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:12,229
- I can't remember exactly.
- Mr Aspen, it's an important ques...
601
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,710
She started goading me,
shouting and screaming.
602
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:18,792
All that claptrap
about betraying the Party.
603
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,593
All those clich�s
about power corrupting.
604
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:29,392
- It was then that I got angry...
- Just tell us what happened, Mr Aspen!
605
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:34,075
- I made love to her.
- In anger?
606
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:42,958
- I suppose so, yes.
- Just tell us this, Mr Aspen.
607
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,033
Did you believe
that was what she wanted?
608
00:41:51,720 --> 00:41:54,632
(Rumpole) 'He's chucked you
the lifebelt, old darling,
609
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,075
'for God's sake don't push it away.'
610
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,236
I can't remember exactly.
611
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:07,877
I don't know what I believed then.
612
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:20,316
- Oh, well, Albert...
- It weren't your fault, if I may say so.
613
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:23,950
It was the client.
I'm sorry, sir, that's the way it goes.
614
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:28,272
- It would be easier without a client.
- There's a Chambers meeting, sir.
615
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,398
- Meeting?
- Mr Featherstone wants you to attend.
616
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,028
What meeting? I'll come with you, sir.
617
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:39,320
Mr Featherstone asked me to give you
a message. Members of Chambers only.
618
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,038
Mr Rumpole.
619
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:45,796
Thanks. Sorry, Albert.
That's the way it goes.
620
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:55,910
Well, it seems Albert has been pursuing
a long career of embezzlement.
621
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,516
That's a remarkably long word for �5.50.
622
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:03,355
I would have thought
the correct legal term was fiddling.
623
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,512
We can't excuse crime,
whatever Rumpole calls it.
624
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:12,073
Anyway, it was my �5.50. I can call it
whatever I like, a Christmas present!
625
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:16,870
I suppose it'll be Christmas again soon.
How depressing.
626
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,919
- Apparently it isn't just your money.
- Oh, isn't it?
627
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,072
- Is there the slightest evidence?
- The petty cash.
628
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:28,791
Your famous detective work? Sherlock
Holmes putting his little red mark on it.
629
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:33,636
- I can't be Christmas again, surely?
- I told you about the petty cash.
630
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:39,272
- You borrowed money from his float?
- And paid for the drinks in Pommeroys.
631
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,989
- You were lying, weren't you, Rumpole?
- Erskine-Brown!
632
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:47,631
That's not the sort of language one uses
to another member of Chambers.
633
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:53,158
If Rumpole says he... borrowed money,
I'll accept his word as a gentleman.
634
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:56,957
Much obliged to you, I'm sure.
635
00:43:57,120 --> 00:44:01,511
Well, as a gentleman, all I can say
is you're a fool.
636
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,478
- Of course I was lying.
- What did Rumpole say?
637
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:06,870
Lying, Uncle Tom.
638
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:10,635
Lying because I don't like
seeing people being condemned.
639
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:12,756
Just a splash, Rumpole.
640
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:17,710
- It goes against my natural instinct.
- That's right, he doesn't prosecute.
641
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:20,792
- You don't prosecute, do you?
- I do not prosecute.
642
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:24,555
All right. Now we'll hear
Rumpole's defence of Albert.
643
00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:27,518
It seems it's not Albert who's in trouble.
644
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:31,036
- Not in trouble?
- No, it's us!
645
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,430
Legal gentlemen. Learned friends!
646
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:39,277
So friendly and so gentlemanly we never
ask to see his books or accounts.
647
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:42,671
Of course he cheats us.
Little piddling bits of cheating.
648
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:46,628
�5.50 to buy a solicitor
a few drinks in Pommeroys?
649
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:52,750
He considers it a mark of respect
due to a gent, like calling you sir
650
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,310
when you go twittering on
about typing errors in your claims.
651
00:44:56,480 --> 00:45:00,314
Rather an odd way of showing his
respect, wouldn't you say, Rumpole?
652
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:03,836
I suppose he's got
a sick wife and eight starving children.
653
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:07,310
- Rumpole in mitigation!
- His wife is in the best of health.
654
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:11,359
Oh, and his son is very high up
in the Hercules Building Society.
655
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,795
- The Hercules?
- And a Tory councillor.
656
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:17,111
- Look, I move we vote on this.
- A matter for the police.
657
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:21,239
- Oh, police!
- You wouldn't agree, I gather?
658
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:25,439
- You'd hardly expect him to.
- Excuse me, back in a minute.
659
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,748
Albert's part of my life.
Always has been.
660
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,037
I remember Albert
when he first came to us as a boy.
661
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,953
He could scarcely read or write.
662
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:38,351
He's like the worn lino
in the Chambers loo.
663
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:40,795
He's like the cells under the Bailey.
664
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,748
I feel comfortable with Albert.
He's like an old sports jacket.
665
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:49,232
He goes out and grubs for briefs, which
we are too gentlemanly to consider!
666
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:54,235
- He has cheated us, Rumpole.
- We've got to be cheated sometimes.
667
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,277
Isn't that what it's about?
668
00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:01,036
Otherwise we'd spend or lives counting
change and adding up receipts,
669
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,077
and chucking grown men into chokey
670
00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:06,755
because they haven't lived up
to the high ideals of Chambers.
671
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:09,832
Or the Party,
or some other bloody nonsense.
672
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,673
I don't quite follow your train of thought.
673
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,832
Neither do I, really.
I'm sorry, I'm in a bloody day.
674
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,956
I'm sorry.
675
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:25,069
- Feeling better, Uncle Tom?
- I never expected Christmas so quickly!
676
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,510
Personally speaking... Excuse me.
677
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:31,432
Speaking quite personally,
678
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:35,752
in no way wishing to condone
the seriousness of Albert's conduct...
679
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,356
Bloody tiring, rape, especially
when you're on the losing end.
680
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:44,958
- I would be against calling the police.
- Not gentlemanly, Old Bill in Chambers,
681
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:48,032
his great feet
all over our petty-cash vouchers.
682
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:53,832
On the other hand, I think that Albert
ought to be asked to leave immediately.
683
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:58,748
All those... in favour?
684
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,399
- What's happening?
- We're voting now, Tom.
685
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,516
That's that, then.
686
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:09,796
Thank you, gentlemen.
687
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:14,436
Have you anything
to say why sentence of death
688
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:17,114
should not be passed against you?
689
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:21,398
You know, they say old Justice Snagg
asked a murderer that once.
690
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:24,438
The poor old sod in the dock said,
"Bugger all."
691
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:29,316
Old Snagg said,
"Did your counsel say something?"
692
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,869
"He said, bugger all, My Lord."
693
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:35,430
"How extraordinary.
I could have sworn his lips moved."
694
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:38,635
Hmm?
695
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:54,396
Albert would've laughed at that.
696
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,356
- Hello, Jack.
- Hello, Mr Rumpole.
697
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:05,829
- Albert not with you this evening?
- Not, not today, Jack.
698
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:11,310
Hello, Peg. No, I don't think Albert
will be coming in here any more, Jack.
699
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,119
- Not signed the Pledge?
- Something like that.
700
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:17,431
Nick! What a marvellous surprise!
Something to drink.
701
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:20,512
Some claret,
bottle of your best cooking claret.
702
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,990
- Well, how marvellous to see you.
- I dropped into Chambers.
703
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:28,551
- They said Albert wasn't there now.
- We've got a new chief clerk, Henry.
704
00:48:28,720 --> 00:48:31,678
Oh. Well, Henry said you would be here.
705
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:35,958
- How marvellous to see you.
- I wanted to explain...
706
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:38,634
- Sorry about the case.
- Ah, yes.
707
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,030
The Honourable Member got five years.
708
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,839
So you needn't have asked
all those questions.
709
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:48,516
Oh, yes, I had to ask the questions,
Nick. Will we see you on Sunday?
710
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:52,036
- Well, I wanted to tell you first...
- Yes?
711
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:55,954
You see, I've decided
to take the job in Baltimore.
712
00:48:57,240 --> 00:48:59,390
- Oh...
- Ricky wants...
713
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:02,597
- I mean, we can get a house there.
- Yes.
714
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:05,797
Her family would miss her
if she was with me in England.
715
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:07,757
- Her family?
- They're close.
716
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:09,911
I daresay.
717
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:12,992
Her mother hates the idea
of her being in England.
718
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:17,278
- Among the savage tribes, eh?
- She'd start sending food parcels.
719
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,431
I'll bet.
720
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,671
Well, never mind,
you're not leaving before Sunday?
721
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:25,956
We'll be over for lunch
to say goodbye.
722
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,315
Good. Thank you.
723
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:32,598
Well, it was good of you, Nick,
to drop in to Chambers.
724
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,268
We'll be back quite often for visits.
725
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,908
Yes, of course you will.
726
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:43,073
Well, there is something you'll have
to be very careful of in America.
727
00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:46,312
- What's that?
- The hygiene.
728
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:50,117
It can be most awfully dangerous.
729
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,589
The purity.
730
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:55,877
The grim determination
not to adulterate anything!
731
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,918
- Well, cheers!
- Cheers...
732
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,154
There's a postcard from Nick and Ricky.
733
00:50:09,240 --> 00:50:11,879
- Nick and who?
- Ricky. Erica.
734
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:15,316
- Oh, yes, Erica.
- They wrote it on the jet.
735
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,072
Hmm...
736
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:30,990
You know why Ricky went home. She
didn't like it when she came to court.
737
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,078
- How ridiculous.
- She talked to me on the telephone.
738
00:50:35,240 --> 00:50:39,552
She didn't like the questions in court.
She thought they were tasteless.
739
00:50:39,720 --> 00:50:41,870
- Distasteful.
- What?
740
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:46,397
That's the word. Distasteful. They have
trouble with English, you know.
741
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:50,235
There's a picture of their jet
on the front of this postcard.
742
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:52,356
Yes, I saw it.
743
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,156
Very, very handsome.
744
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:57,470
Well, farewell!
745
00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:00,393
- "And if for ever..."
- Oh, don't be so silly.
746
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:05,315
- "Then for ever fare thee well."
- What will you do today, Rumpole?
747
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:11,799
Oh, I suppose go on asking
distasteful questions.
748
00:51:12,799 --> 00:51:22,799
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