All language subtitles for Rules of Engagement s03e04 Dads Visit.eng

- hey. how'd you do in your game?
- I did good.

three hits,
four hot dogs, five beers.

- nice.
- what am i loing at here?

- where?
- down here,

this thing that's
blocking my view of the floor.

it's just a little area rug.

i picked it up this morning.
so i know what it is and who did it.

still haven't astablished a motive.
i've been thinking it would be nice

to add a little color to our kitchen. so this morning i saw
that,thought it worked well, so i bought it.

eh, what'd they get you for?

- they didn't get me, babe. it cost $80.
- oh, they got you.

it was pretty, okay? it's an extension
of my style.

your style wasn't long enough?

can't i do things
to make our home more pleasant

without every time
having to go through this?

hey, i have to hear
this speech every time.

you're right, jeff. you know, why make
our apartment nicer?

why buy things? why have art?
why do anything?

that's all i'm saying.

Rules of Engagement - 03x04 - Dad s Visit

translated on Addic7ed By:
YesCool.

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one sunny-side up,
the other over easy,

surprise me.

surprise, your cholesterol's
a million.

you can just have them
make it with egg whites.

sorry.

oh, and half a dozen
brownies to go.

no, i said i would
bake brownies.

jeff's dad's coming for a visit,
which means i have to put on an apron

and make dessert
for the menfolk.

- where's he coming in from?
- 1957.

is it asking too much that we make him feel at home
in our apartment?

- Oh, fine.
- Thank you.

just don't forget you have
an actual modern-day wife, okay?

let me say that i swear
on the souls of

my grandchildren that i will not be the one to break the peace
that we've made here today.

why is he
looking at me?

- "the godfather."
- oh, no, i never saw it.

- you're never seen "the godfather"?!
- oh, here we go.

well, no, my parents were hippies.they didn't want me to watch
anything too violent

then close your eyes, 'cause i'm
gonna punch you in the face.

all my friendships are based on the shared loveof the greatest film
of all time.

i've been trying to get adam to watch
gone with the wind since we met.

if you have any hope for the future
of our friendship, you'll make this right.

your... breath
is really warm.

look, the little kid from jerry maguire
grew up.

easy, stonehenge,
i'm in no mood.

oh, which ride were you
not tall enough to go on?

all right, listen,
so i had a date last night.

and it's pretty normal,
chat, chat, chat, drink, drink, drink.

we go back to my place,
everything comes off.

"oh, i needs it."
"well, oh, i gots it."

game over.
thanks for playing.

i'm assuming that was
all in real time.

the problem is
i wake up this morning, she's still there.

well, you should have
paid her in advance.

you must have been in a bad accident.
looks like both airbags deployed.

it's kind of understood
when a girl sleeps with me,

she slinks out in the middle
of the night before i get up.

it's called the walk of shame, not the "lie there in bed
next to me

of shame."

so what'd you do?

when she got in the shower,
i made a break for it.

what happens when she
gets out of the shower?

ideally, she sees
that i'm gone,

gets the hint
and hightails it outta there,

wondering what happened to her life
and her pa-pa-panties.

so we're driving all the way back.
we got one deer strapped to the roof,

two tied on the sides,

and one propped up in the backseat
wearing sunglasses.

- it was hilarious.
- god, i wish i'd been there.

- it's a funny story, huh, aud?
- Yes.

what makes it funny is the high
body count of defenseless animals.

Yeah!

i gotta tell you, it's really nice being here.
well, you're looking great, champ.

i'm glad your business
is doing so well.

and, audrey, you're a gal who knows her way
around a steak.

Oh, well, thanks, roy.

i don't know if jeff mentioned it, but,
you know, i got a promotion at work.

atta girl. what'd you use for marinade,
some kind of teriyaki?

dad, rember you used to take us to benihana's all the time?

yeah, hey, that was
some good chinese.

- it's actually japanese.
- that's what all those waiters said.

hey, listen, how 'bout getting me
another beer, sweetie, huh?

you know what?

Jeff and i really want
you to feel at home here.

so please feel free,
any time you want,

so please feel free, any time you want,
and get yourself a beer.

- i'll get it for you.
- No, No.

she's right...

i can certainly get my own beer.

be right back.

see that?
people can change.

all it takes is a little encouragement
from the right person.

- god!
- pop, what happened?

stupid rug.

thank god the vietcong
didn't have these.

this-- this is my new
favorite movie.

ooh, take that,sisterhood
of the traveling pants.

whoa, pause it.

oh, no,
it's my doorman, ernesto.

heather's still
at my place.

looks like
we got us a stayer.

what's a stayer?

uh, how do i put this in a way that's
not demeaning to women?

are you familiar
with barnacles?

- okay, i get it.
- yeah, you know what,

it's my own fault.i'm too nice.
time to scrape the hull.

well, what are
you gonna do?

i'm gonna have my super
shut off the water.

oh, you want to dance?
heather, we'll dance.

i just hope dancing
doesn't make you thirsty.

what are you guys--

- the godfather, really?
- what?

i've been begging you to watch
gone with the windforever and you blow me off.

jeff tells you to watch
the godfather

and you run out and rent it
like you're his bitch?

i'm not his bitch.

he just makes me
do stuff sometimes.

you wanted me to go
to the x games with you. i did.

you wanted me
to play paintball with you. i did.

- you shot me in the neck.
- because you gave away our position!

my point is i did it because
it was important to you.

yikes.

i thought that
would never end.

- where are you going?
- watch in gone with the wind.

- why?!
- because, russell, she's right.

if it's important to her,
it's important to me.

she's my fiancee.

oh, fine, let a woman
dictate how you run your life.

now if you'll excuse me,
i'm going...

anywhere but home.

hey, audrey, honey!

Yes, Roi?

i got a dead soldier here.
hit me again, will you?

Sure.

do you not like
the brownies i made?

specifically for you?eh, i'm not
a big nut guy.

i guess i can make
another batch.

only if it's not
too much trouble.

a little gooier this time,
as long as you're redoing them, huh?

hey, pop.

how's that ankle feel?

Not great. i gotta keep it elevated,
so the beer's not getting to it.

- Where'S Audrey?
- In Her Office.

That'S A Good One.

- Hey, Aud.
- Hey.

Nine Brownies
In The Trash?

Yes, Rain Man.

They'Re Too Nutty And Your Dad
Likes Them Gooey.

And I Like Them Cakey,
Explain That.

I Am Sorry
About His Ankle.

But In The Last Hour,
I Have Fetched Him Beers,

I Have Made Him A Sandwich,
I Fluffed His Pillows,

And Tracked Down The Number
For Frito-Lay.

He Had Both A Question
And A Comment.

Hon, It'S Not Like
The Ankle Thing Was His Fault.

He'S Not The One
Who Put Out The $80 Rug Of Death.

What A Surprise,
You'Re Siding With Him.

I Don't Always Side With Him.
For Example,

He Likes
His Brownies Gooey,

Whereas I Like Mine...

Cakey.

Maybe I Should Use
The Old Horse'S Head Trick

To Get Heather
Out Of My Place.

She'S Been In Bed With You.
I Don'T Think A Horse'S Head Would Scare Her.

Oh, Godfather.

I See.

Ah, The Reason We Are Watching
The Godfather,jennifer,

Is Because I Finished
Gone With The Wind.

Really?
You Did?

As God As My Witness.

Oh, Yuck, Look,
It'S Skin Crawling.

- Did You Like It?
- Oh, Yeah,

It Was Totally
Sweeping And Epic-Y.

Frankly, My Dear,
I Don'T Give A Damn.

Screw You. You'Re The One
Who Made Me Watch It.

No, It'S From The Movie,
At The End.

Oh, Yeah, The End When She'S
Never Gonna Be Hungry Again.

No, That'S The End
Of Part One.

- There'S A Part Two?
- Yes.

Did You Know
About This?

I Kinda Did.

You Are Gonna Love
Part Two Even More.

Watch It While I Go To The Gym,
And Then We Can Talk About It.

Okay, This Is--
This Is Great.

I Can'T Do This. I Mean, Part One
Already Stole My Youth.

All Right, Tell You What.
We'Ll Watch The End Ofgodfather,

And Then I'Ll Summarize
The Rest Ofgone With The Wind,

Give You All The Key Talking Points,
So When Jen Comes Back You'Re Good To Go.

Okay, I Just Can'T Believe
I'M Taking Advice

From Someone Who'S Trying
To Smoke A Woman Out Of The Hole.

Oh, My God, Thank You.

That'S Great.

Ernesto,

Do You Have Any Smoke Bombs
Left Over From Cinco De Mayo?

Excellent.

Here'S What You Do...

Thanks, Sweetie.

What Do You Need, Roy? You Need
Another Utensil To Scratch Underneath Your Boot,

Or Is The Cake Knife
From Our Wedding Still Doing The Trick?

Uh, I Was Just gonna Say
That I'M Sorry For Putting You Out Like This.

I Know You'Ve Been Busting
Your Hump For Me All Day, And I Appreciate It.

Oh, Well, Thanks, Roy.

There Is Actually Just One More Little Thing.

And Then I Promise I Promise I Won'T Ask
For Anything Else.

Sure.
What Is It?

I'M Gonna Need The Info
On Your Homeowner'S Policy.

- For What?
- I Gotta File A Claim On My Ankle.

You'Re Suing Us?

Oh, I'M Sorry. I'Ll Wait
Till Jeff Gets Home.

He'Ll Know Where All
The Important Papers Are.

Hey, You'Re Getting There.

- Hey, Pop. Aud.
- Hey, Jeff.

Dad And I Were Here Just Chatting
About His Plans To Sue Us.

- What?
- It'S Not Suing.

Yeah, That'S True.

"That'S True"?

Jeff, C-- Can I See You
In The Kitchen?

Careful, Son, That Rug Might Be
Lying In Wait,

Like Charlie
In A Rice Paddy.

What'S With The Green Grapes?
I Thought We Were Red Grape People.

Shut Up. Your Father Is Suing Us.

- This Is Insane!
- Could You Stop Yelling?

I Don't Want Dad To Hear.

Hi, Could We Use Your
Apartment For Just A Second?

- Sure, Come On In.
- Thanks.

How The Hell Can You Think
This Is Okay?

A Father Should Not Sue His Son
And His Daughter-In-Law.

He'S Not Suing Us.
He's Just Filing A Claim.

Oh, Jeff, I Am Right, And He Is Wrong.
Just Once Take My Side.

It's Not Personal.
It'S Business.

Oh, Hey, That's What
Tom Hagen Said To Sonny.

- You Watched It?
- You Made Me An Offer

- I Couldn't Refuse.
- How Great Is That Restaurant Scene?

- Jeff!
- Oh, Yeah, Look,

There'S No Need To Get Emotional
About This.

Oh, Of Course, The Woman Is Emotional.
You Sound Just Like Him.

Hey, I Take That As A Compliment.
My Father Is A Great Guy.

Yes, In Many Ways, Yes.

But He's Always Thought
Women Are Inferior.

That's Not True.
He'S Crazy About My Mom.

'Cause She Spends All Her Time
Waiting On Him Hand And Foot!

But You Know What, Now You Can
Take Care Of Him, Because I Am Done.

You And Jen
Set That Wedding Date Yet?

Oh, This Is Unbelievable.

- What Now?
- It's A Text From Ernesto.

Smoke Bombs Are A No Go,
But My Stayer Ordered A Pizza.

You're Good, Heather,
But I'M Better.

Hey, Ernesto, You Hungry?

Take It Down.

- So.
- Hey.

- Is The Second Half As Good As The First?
- Oh, Even Better.

Oh, Okay, Tell Me Everything.
What Did You Like?

Uh, Well, I Thought
It Was Pretty Moving

When Scarlett Was Reduced
To Picking Cotton In The Fields.

Oh, I Know, But Tara
Was That Important To Her.

I Know, I Know. And When She Made The Dress
Out Of The Curtains.

Oh, It'S Probably Happening
At My Apartment As We Speak.

What Else?

Well, My Favorite Was All The Cool Stuff
That Happened To Rhett And He Met

The Local Sioux Tribe.
When He Went Out West.

- What?
- You Know, And They Gradually Accepted Him.

And Then He Meets That White Woman
Who Was Raised By The Indians.

Are You Talking About
Dances With Wolves?

No.

You Kinda Are.

What?

I Didn'T Really See The End
Ofgone With The Windeither.

Why Would You Do That?

Listen, In My Defense, I Wanted To Watch
The Godfather,

And I Don't Really Care
If I Create Problems For Other People.

- Like Old Times, Huh, Sport?
- Yeah.

When I Was Little, I Used To Sit
On Your Lap And Watch The Mets.

By The Fourth Inning,
I Couldn'T Feel My Legs.

You Were Never Little,
Sport.

Yeah, Mom Would Bring
You A Beer And Me A Root Beer.

Remember The Time
We Got 'Em Mixed Up?

No.

I'm Not Surprised,
You Were Pretty Smashed.

- Speaking Of Which, I Could Use Another Cold One.
- I Got You, Pop.

Hey, No, You Don'T Have
To Do That, Son. Where's Audrey?

Well, She Went
To The Gym.

You Know, Pop, Audrey Was Kinda Put Out
By That Whole Insurance Thing.

I Hope She Gets Back Soon. I'M Feeling
A Little Peckish.

I'm Not Sure You Heard Me.
I Was Saying She Was Upset Before.

I'M Not Surprised. Like Your Mom, You Know,
They Tend To Get Emotional.

Yeah, I Did Check
With Our Insurance Guy,

And He Said That Our Premiums
Would Probably Go Up.

Yeah, That'S How
They Get You.

In This Case,
That'S How They Get Me.

Hey, She'Ll Still Be Able
To Buy Her Stupid Rugs.

Hey, It's Not Stupid.

It Adds Color
To The Kitchen.

- It'S An Extension Of Audrey'S Style.
- Okay. Just Get Me The Beer.

Oh, Jeez, You Know What? Pop,
Audrey Was Right.

- About What?
- You Don'T File A Claim Against Your Own Family.

And You Don't Come In Here And Treat My Wife
Like A Second-Class Citizen.

Whoa, Whoa, This Is The Way
You Talk To Your Father?

When He'S Got It Coming. You Can Act Like Some Kind
Of Caveman In Your Own Home,

But In Our House
Women Are Equal To Men.

They're Men With Boobs.

Okay, It'S Official. Thank You For Watching
Gone With The Wind.

- So I Passed?
- Yeah,

You Got Eight Out Of
The Ten Multiple Choice Right.

And Your Essay Was Solid
But Not Spectacular.

Hey, Guys, This Is Heather.
Heather, This Is Adam And Jen.

I'm Gonna Go To The Ladies.
Can You Order Me Something?

I Haven'T Eaten In So Long,
I'M Pretty Light-Headed.

Yeah, You Got It.

- So That's The Stayer?
- Oh, Yeah.

37 Hours She Stuck It Out.

No Food, No Running Water.
Just The Clothes On Her Back.

So Why'd You Finally Go Home?

Was It The Government's New
"No Skank Left Behind" Law?

No, It Wasn't.

You Know, The Longer She Hung In There,
The More Impressed I Was With Her Sheer Force Of Will.

She Really Earned My Respect
And Deserves A Reward.

Oh, And Going Out With You
Is The Reward?

I'M Sorry, I Was Distracted
By The Crumb In Your Moustache.

Yeah, At Least She Can
Grow A Moustache.

Don't Help.

Okay, Thanks, Oscar.

Dad, Your Cab's Outside.

Better Hurry.
Meter's Probably Running.

That's How They Get You.

Hey.
Thanks Again.

Hey, All 21st Century Men
Help With The Dishes.

No. I Meant Thank You
For Sticking Up For Me

- With Your Dad.
- Well, Yeah.

- i Know. You Are A Good Man.
-

With Boobs.

Come On, Guys, I'M Ready.

You Know
That Meter'S Running.

Good-Bye, Roy. Sorry Again
About Your Ankle.

Just Think Of My Busted Tendon
As An Extension Of Your Style.

- I'M Sorry I Was Such A Pain In The Ass.
- Ah, Don't Worry About It.

- Here, Some Brownies For The Road.
- Oh, Gooey?

You'li Need A Straw.

Come Here.
Thank's.

Son.

- Nice Seeing You, Pop.
- Ok, Ok...

Thanks For Everything, Guys.
See You A Week From Thursday, Huh?

- You Got It.
- Wait.

What's A Week From Thursday?

- The, Uh, Deposition.
- What?!

I Thought You Told Him
Not To Pursue That.

I Did, But Doesn'T Mean
He Listened.

- That's My Dad.
- Unbelievable.

Hey, At Least You And I
Are On The Same Side.

- How Do You Figure?
- Codefendants.

Yeah.

Cakey.

I Know It Was You, Fredo.

You Broke My Heart.
You Broke My Heart.

You Watched Part Two.

You Keep Your Friends Close
But Your Enemies Closer.

My Home, In My Bedroom,
Where My Wife Sleeps,

And My Children
Play With Their Toys.

Both Of Those Movies
Are Unbelievable.

- Told You.Welcome Back, Friend.
- And You Will Be

Happy To Know That I Also
Watched Part Three.Best One Of All.

- What?
- You'Re Dead To Me.

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