Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:08,606
All right.
Very good.
2
00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:09,574
Now turn around
for me.
3
00:00:09,608 --> 00:00:10,475
You may or may not know
that the prostitution
4
00:00:10,509 --> 00:00:12,744
In this part of Nevada
is completely legal.
5
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:15,113
Brothels are regulated
by the state.
6
00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:16,548
The municipal government
makes sure
7
00:00:16,582 --> 00:00:18,883
That they're inspected
for quality and hygiene.
8
00:00:18,917 --> 00:00:22,420
Deep breath for me.
Very good.
9
00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:27,492
Need you to bend over
and touch your toes for me.
10
00:00:30,763 --> 00:00:32,931
I'm not the one who
does the inspection,
11
00:00:32,965 --> 00:00:36,801
But these girls
don't know that.
12
00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:39,704
All right.
That checks out pretty good.
13
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,274
Freeze!
Get on the ground!
14
00:00:43,308 --> 00:00:44,542
[gunshot]
15
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:45,777
[machine-gun fire]
16
00:00:54,953 --> 00:00:57,021
All right.
17
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:01,359
The tornado...
18
00:01:03,062 --> 00:01:05,397
Hell, no!
We won't blow!
19
00:01:06,999 --> 00:01:08,867
Yeah!
20
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:10,302
He's my friend.
21
00:01:12,004 --> 00:01:13,204
Nah!
22
00:01:16,608 --> 00:01:19,577
Captioning made possible by
mtv networks
23
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:22,814
Captioned by the national
captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--
24
00:01:23,882 --> 00:01:25,417
Dangle:
Good morning, gang.
25
00:01:25,451 --> 00:01:27,185
Morning.
Morning. Morning.
26
00:01:27,219 --> 00:01:31,322
The new terrorism
early warning
27
00:01:31,356 --> 00:01:32,958
Did everybody
get one of these? [popping]
28
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,492
Question.
Sir.
29
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:36,495
When we're
on orange-- a little louder.
30
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:38,129
When we're on orange,
31
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:40,731
We're supposed to be
alert and vigilant.
32
00:01:40,766 --> 00:01:42,200
Does that mean that
when we're yellow,
33
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:44,202
We're not supposed
to be alert at all?
34
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:45,937
Orange?
What did he say?
35
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:50,207
He said, when we're
at homeland security level orange--
36
00:01:50,242 --> 00:01:51,709
Wiegel: We're at homeland
security level orange right now?
37
00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:53,477
No. We're not.
We're not. [popping]
38
00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:54,846
Other things
you should be looking for
39
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:58,383
Are fraud,
counterfeiting, internet scams.
40
00:01:58,417 --> 00:01:59,517
A lot
of this money-- [popping]
41
00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:02,487
Ok. You know what?
I've had it. That's it.
42
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,522
The popcorn machine
was a terrible idea.
43
00:02:04,557 --> 00:02:06,490
I wish we'd
never gotten it.
44
00:02:06,525 --> 00:02:07,759
Have you tried
the popcorn?
45
00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:09,093
I have not tried
the popcorn.
46
00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:10,561
I'm not gonna
try the popcorn.
47
00:02:10,595 --> 00:02:14,031
Johnson: We're listening.
There's frogs, and there's oranges.
48
00:02:14,065 --> 00:02:16,167
Then no one
is listening.
49
00:02:16,201 --> 00:02:18,603
By the way,
Jackie Dimartino,
50
00:02:18,637 --> 00:02:21,772
The prostitute who used
to work fourth street--
51
00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:23,574
Did you hear?
52
00:02:23,608 --> 00:02:24,943
Jones: No.
What happened?
53
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:27,044
Hospitalized
in critical
54
00:02:27,078 --> 00:02:28,780
Fading fast.
Sir?
55
00:02:28,814 --> 00:02:30,781
We're almost
out of popcorn.
56
00:02:30,816 --> 00:02:33,985
I'm really, really
seriously considering
57
00:02:34,019 --> 00:02:37,188
Banning the popcorn
machine from the briefing room.
58
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,657
If you take
this popcorn machine away from here...
59
00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:40,958
Huh? What
will you do?
60
00:02:40,993 --> 00:02:42,660
I'll be forced
to do things. Like what?
61
00:02:42,694 --> 00:02:44,696
This is the one joy
I have around here.
62
00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:45,796
Garcia: Amen.
63
00:02:45,831 --> 00:02:46,831
Found some more
popcorn.
64
00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:49,567
[all cheering]
65
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:55,072
I figure, if they
call it super man xl,
66
00:02:55,107 --> 00:02:57,375
That's gonna make
you some xl, right?
67
00:02:57,409 --> 00:02:58,976
This shit, it's like,
I don't know what it is.
68
00:02:59,011 --> 00:03:00,478
It doesn't
do shit.
69
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,480
Oh...What the fuck?
70
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,348
Pat me down right now,
for real.
71
00:03:04,382 --> 00:03:07,252
Pat me down right now.
No. For real, do this, man.
72
00:03:07,286 --> 00:03:08,953
What?
Pat me down.
73
00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:10,054
You got to do it, man.
74
00:03:10,088 --> 00:03:11,522
There's something
about this I don't like.
75
00:03:11,556 --> 00:03:14,158
Sir, step away
from the car. Ok. Step--
76
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,526
No, no, no.
Put your hands down.
77
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,663
Ok. I'm gonna
take my hands out of my pockets right--
78
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:20,799
Real, real,
real, slow!
79
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,735
Ok. Real slow,
all right? Ok?
80
00:03:23,769 --> 00:03:25,837
Y'all understand?
Ok. Now look here.
81
00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:29,173
Now, I wanted to ask you both
a question, all right,
82
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:32,310
About the contents
of my pockets, ok?
83
00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:33,645
Our first question
was gonna be,
84
00:03:33,679 --> 00:03:35,780
Do you have any illicit
substances on you, so--
85
00:03:35,814 --> 00:03:37,115
All of a sudden,
this is like "jeopardy,"
86
00:03:37,149 --> 00:03:38,850
Where the question
gets put to us and then we have--
87
00:03:38,884 --> 00:03:40,785
What the hell?
Set those down.
88
00:03:40,819 --> 00:03:42,153
Put these down.
Just set them on down.
89
00:03:42,187 --> 00:03:44,255
Should I put my hands
back in my pocket?
90
00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:46,457
No. This time now,
let's keep them up at our sides.
91
00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:49,661
Ok. Let me just set up
a scenario for y'all, ok?
92
00:03:49,695 --> 00:03:52,264
Like a scene,
a setting, an example.
93
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,999
He's gonna
tell us something. Yes.
94
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:59,971
A gentleman was careening
down the street, ok, and bumped into me.
95
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,773
Moving very quickly.
Now listen ,man.
96
00:04:01,807 --> 00:04:03,841
I don't know if y'all
believe in god,
97
00:04:03,875 --> 00:04:05,543
But I believe
in god, ok,
98
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,945
And I'm gonna tell you
what happened.
99
00:04:06,979 --> 00:04:11,115
Every one of them bottles
have float up into the air,
100
00:04:11,149 --> 00:04:13,618
And they have float
into my pockets,
101
00:04:13,652 --> 00:04:17,154
And that was god knowing
I was feeling a little down,
102
00:04:17,189 --> 00:04:19,624
A little blue
last week, ok?
103
00:04:19,658 --> 00:04:21,359
And he provided you
with 5 Oxycontin bottles.
104
00:04:21,393 --> 00:04:23,327
So, the lord...
Provided for me.
105
00:04:23,362 --> 00:04:24,595
Hey, you want
to throw those out for me?
106
00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:25,597
Ok. Yeah.
107
00:04:25,631 --> 00:04:26,831
Yeah.
That'd be great.
108
00:04:26,865 --> 00:04:28,098
That'd be great.
Thanks.
109
00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:29,567
I'll take
a half, too.
110
00:04:29,601 --> 00:04:31,269
Oh, you want half?
111
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:32,670
Oh, you took
a whole one?
112
00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:33,671
How much you
supposed to take?
113
00:04:33,705 --> 00:04:35,306
Half.
Oh.
114
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:37,575
I'll drive. I'll drive.
115
00:04:37,609 --> 00:04:38,810
I'd be more
than happy to drive.
116
00:04:38,844 --> 00:04:41,713
You're good.
You're good.
117
00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:46,650
Dangle: Polygraph day!
118
00:04:46,685 --> 00:04:48,385
[all cheer]
119
00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:50,654
Garcia: I have a question
in response to a rumor.
120
00:04:50,689 --> 00:04:53,224
Is it true that
you're strong enough
121
00:04:53,258 --> 00:04:57,329
To peel fruit
with your private parts?
122
00:04:57,363 --> 00:05:00,431
Yes.
123
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,000
Williams:
How do you do that?
124
00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:04,903
I'm confused
and aroused and--
125
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:08,239
And yet you're working
in law enforcement. I don't get it.
126
00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:12,444
There are exercises
a woman can do.
127
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:19,150
Are there workout tapes
for those exercises?
128
00:05:19,184 --> 00:05:20,618
Not that I know of.
129
00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:21,952
Shit.
130
00:05:21,987 --> 00:05:23,187
That's not true.
That's not true.
131
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,989
There are.
It's called kegels.
132
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,758
Kegel won't
peel a kiwi.
133
00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:29,493
It's not a kegel.
134
00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:32,296
It's like a variation
on a kegel. It's not a kegel.
135
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:34,532
It's
a back-door kegel? Back-door kegels?
136
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,100
That's not
what it's called.
137
00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:37,602
Well, what is it?
138
00:05:37,636 --> 00:05:39,303
Which door are
we talking about?
139
00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:41,172
Yeah. Which door are
we talking about?
140
00:05:41,206 --> 00:05:43,742
What part of the
door do you use to--
141
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,376
What part of the
fruit do you use?
142
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,911
The inner door.
143
00:05:46,945 --> 00:05:50,214
I don't think there's
even a kitchen appliance that peels a kiwi.
144
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:52,884
Ok. Turn it off.
Go get a kiwi.
145
00:05:52,918 --> 00:05:56,755
[siren]
146
00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:01,626
[knocks]
147
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:03,261
Hello?
148
00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:04,929
Jackie:
Hey, guys.
149
00:06:04,963 --> 00:06:06,064
How are you,
sweetheart?
150
00:06:06,098 --> 00:06:08,666
Oh, just,
you know.
151
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,736
I can't
really remember why I'm in here.
152
00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:14,705
Did I just have
a baby?
153
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:16,474
No...You didn't.
I don't think so, Jackie.
154
00:06:16,508 --> 00:06:19,410
Oh, that's right.
I'm dying from lupus.
155
00:06:19,444 --> 00:06:20,678
That's right.
156
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,714
I am so glad
you guys came.
157
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:24,482
We are very happy
that we came, too.
158
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:25,716
You know what?
159
00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:28,086
I'm gonna call
in an apb on account of this.
160
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,320
You know what?
You can.
161
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:31,389
All cars!
Calling all fucking cars.
162
00:06:31,423 --> 00:06:34,191
This is Jackie, and
I'm gonna be dead
163
00:06:34,225 --> 00:06:37,629
In about 45 minutes,
164
00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:39,430
And if you want
to come over here
165
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,533
And get your dick
sucked for a nickel,
166
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,101
Hell,
I'll do it.
167
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:47,005
Oh, I'm gonna
miss these lips when I'm in hell.
168
00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:48,940
No. You're going
the other way.
169
00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:51,442
You are.
You are.
170
00:06:51,476 --> 00:06:52,644
The lord loves you...
171
00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:53,911
Yes. He does.
172
00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:56,214
And your scabs
will be gone...
173
00:06:56,248 --> 00:06:59,817
Oh, there are no
scabs in heaven.
174
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:03,655
Jesus doesn't
even let you have scabs there.
175
00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:06,090
Your crotch
is gonna be all clean.
176
00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:08,492
My crotch will be
healed by the lord.
177
00:07:08,527 --> 00:07:09,494
Yes. It will.
178
00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:11,462
It will be, hopefully,
healed closed
179
00:07:11,496 --> 00:07:13,064
So I don't have
to have
180
00:07:13,098 --> 00:07:15,166
Any more fucking
abortions
181
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,468
Because they
cost a fortune.
182
00:07:17,502 --> 00:07:18,936
Yeah.
183
00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:21,806
Junior: Room 234! Hey!
I heard that they were--
184
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,340
Jones: Hey.
185
00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:24,975
Oh, this Jackie.
186
00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:26,210
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
187
00:07:26,244 --> 00:07:28,046
You want to get
your dick sucked?
188
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,748
Don't act like
I haven't been there before.
189
00:07:30,782 --> 00:07:33,284
Arr arr arr arr arr!
190
00:07:34,686 --> 00:07:35,519
Hi.
191
00:07:35,553 --> 00:07:37,154
I'm from the Reno
sheriff's department.
192
00:07:37,188 --> 00:07:39,356
Our friends at the Washoe
county animal shelter
193
00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:43,060
Have lots of pets that are ready
and available for adoption.
194
00:07:43,094 --> 00:07:44,962
Ah.
195
00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:47,498
This here is sarsaparilla,
196
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,500
And she's a 3-year-old tabby
197
00:07:49,534 --> 00:07:52,870
With lots of love
and tons of energy.
198
00:07:54,305 --> 00:07:57,375
Is this--
man: Cat is in the box.
199
00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,010
That's sarsaparilla?
200
00:07:59,044 --> 00:08:00,878
What the fuck?
What's with the rat?
201
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:02,213
They're all over
the place.
202
00:08:02,247 --> 00:08:04,415
I just picked up a rat?
203
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,584
Oh, fuck! Aw! Ew! Ew! Ew!
204
00:08:09,588 --> 00:08:11,589
Dangle: Uh...What
do you consider
205
00:08:11,623 --> 00:08:14,025
Your job skills
to be?
206
00:08:14,059 --> 00:08:16,794
[sighs]
207
00:08:16,828 --> 00:08:18,595
Skating...
Yep.
208
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:20,397
That's good.
209
00:08:20,432 --> 00:08:21,799
High-fiving...
210
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,768
Skating
and high-fiving.
211
00:08:23,802 --> 00:08:25,136
Low-fiving...
212
00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:28,272
Low five,
the antithesis of high five,
213
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,575
And?
And singing.
214
00:08:31,609 --> 00:08:32,877
Singing.
215
00:08:32,911 --> 00:08:34,712
So, terry,
what you're basically saying
216
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,380
Is, you could be in
"Starlight Express"
217
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:39,517
If they ever, ever
are bold enough to mount it again.
218
00:08:39,551 --> 00:08:41,652
Yes.
Yes.
219
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:45,189
Possible
"Starlight Express" understudy.
220
00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:46,057
You're
off drugs now?
221
00:08:46,091 --> 00:08:47,091
You're
totally clean?
222
00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:50,094
I'm so clean, it's not
even ridiculous.
223
00:08:50,128 --> 00:08:51,663
Not even ridiculous.
Not even ridiculous.
224
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:52,663
Here's the thing.
225
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,532
I find that
eerily a little bit disappointing
226
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:58,369
Because if you're
not on drugs--
227
00:08:58,403 --> 00:09:00,438
If this is you
totally, totally clean--
228
00:09:00,472 --> 00:09:02,840
And you've missed
19 parole hearings
229
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:07,812
And you're working
at who let the clogs out?,
230
00:09:07,846 --> 00:09:09,814
That's kind of
disappointing, don't you think?
231
00:09:09,848 --> 00:09:12,950
First of all,
I was voted the smartest at my family reunion,
232
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,286
Like, hands down.
233
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,854
By the rest
of your family?
234
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,689
You can't put up two fingers
for the same thing.
235
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,358
You can't say you're smartest
at your family reunion, hands down.
236
00:09:21,392 --> 00:09:23,828
That's one thing.
That's one thing.
237
00:09:23,862 --> 00:09:25,496
I was voted smartest
in my family reunion,
238
00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:26,997
That's one.
Hands down.
239
00:09:27,031 --> 00:09:29,199
No. That's part
of the same sentence.
240
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:30,468
You're saying two
parts of the same sentence--
241
00:09:30,502 --> 00:09:32,503
Part one
of the sentence,
242
00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,138
End of the sentence.
243
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:37,375
Those aren't
two things.
244
00:09:40,345 --> 00:09:41,779
Is it time
for my enema?
245
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,648
Not quite.
Ok.
246
00:09:43,682 --> 00:09:45,616
You got some guests here,
if you're feeling up to it.
247
00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:48,052
Oh, hi!
248
00:09:48,086 --> 00:09:49,553
Hey, jackie.
249
00:09:49,587 --> 00:09:53,156
Look who the cat
has been to.
250
00:09:53,191 --> 00:09:56,160
They've got me on
so much fucking morphine here.
251
00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:57,862
Junior: There's
oxygen in the--
252
00:09:57,896 --> 00:10:00,031
Yeah. I don't think
that's a good--
253
00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:03,133
Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey! Oh, ok.
254
00:10:03,168 --> 00:10:06,203
Oh, because why,
on account of the lung cancer?
255
00:10:06,237 --> 00:10:08,572
If it's not the AIDS
that's gonna get me,
256
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:10,107
It's the lung cancer.
257
00:10:10,141 --> 00:10:12,610
That's what they say.
258
00:10:12,644 --> 00:10:15,746
I don't think I'm long
for this world.
259
00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:17,381
Does she do
this a lot?
260
00:10:17,415 --> 00:10:19,049
Only in
the mornings,
261
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:20,952
But I think
she's fine.
262
00:10:20,986 --> 00:10:22,520
She's just
calming down.
263
00:10:22,554 --> 00:10:24,288
I don't think
this is calming down.
264
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:27,057
I think this is it.
I think I've had it.
265
00:10:27,092 --> 00:10:31,095
I'd like to say thank you
to everyone for coming.
266
00:10:31,129 --> 00:10:34,098
Off the record,
obviously. Yes. Of course.
267
00:10:34,132 --> 00:10:36,934
Jackie: I would like to thank
Will Ferrell, for some reason.
268
00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:39,369
If you were to leave,
what button...
269
00:10:39,404 --> 00:10:41,372
If somebody
were to come in here
270
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:43,974
And turn that machine off,
what button would they push?
271
00:10:44,009 --> 00:10:46,344
...Hitler's youth,
the youth that...
272
00:10:46,378 --> 00:10:50,814
Listen. She's thanking
the Hitler youth
273
00:10:50,848 --> 00:10:54,252
Right.
Good point.
274
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:57,421
Hamster dances...
275
00:11:01,893 --> 00:11:05,296
Her last words
were "hamster dances."
276
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,531
[sighs]
277
00:11:11,169 --> 00:11:12,370
Man, if you wiped away
this makeup,
278
00:11:12,404 --> 00:11:13,804
She's a lot younger
than she looks
279
00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:18,075
With the weird,
kind of bloody, pusy eye patch on.
280
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,078
She's so beautiful
and so young.
281
00:11:21,112 --> 00:11:22,579
It really is
a tragedy.
282
00:11:22,614 --> 00:11:24,281
Yeah.
What a tragedy.
283
00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:25,917
[hisses]
aah! Aah!
284
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:28,919
You unplugged the wrong cord,
you mother fucker.
285
00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:31,989
Ha ha ha!
286
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:39,063
Junior: Hi.
How you doing?
287
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:40,498
You're
in our custody.
288
00:11:40,532 --> 00:11:42,133
You're
in our custody.
289
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:44,401
The Reno sheriff's
department has become
290
00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:46,770
A safe baby
surrender site,
291
00:11:46,804 --> 00:11:49,974
Which means that you can
drop off your baby here,
292
00:11:50,008 --> 00:11:53,778
No questions asked,
and it will safely be taken
293
00:11:53,812 --> 00:11:55,279
Into the custody
of the state,
294
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:56,714
Handed over
to child services.
295
00:11:56,748 --> 00:11:58,015
Anybody know how
to get him out of this thing
296
00:11:58,049 --> 00:11:59,350
If he has to make
a deuce or something?
297
00:11:59,384 --> 00:12:01,785
Does he have to?
Seems fine to me.
298
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:03,320
I mean, he doesn't
have to actually leave.
299
00:12:03,354 --> 00:12:04,455
I mean,
he'd just do it.
300
00:12:04,489 --> 00:12:06,057
He's all
in there.
301
00:12:06,091 --> 00:12:07,825
Hey.
302
00:12:07,859 --> 00:12:09,660
That'd
freak me out.
303
00:12:09,694 --> 00:12:11,662
Why would
he like if you ate his--
304
00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:13,297
Hey, guys?
Oh.
305
00:12:13,331 --> 00:12:15,700
Hey.
306
00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:17,568
Why don't I get
on the phone to
307
00:12:17,602 --> 00:12:18,969
And see if they can
get child services
308
00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:21,105
To get their
asses over here?
309
00:12:21,139 --> 00:12:22,873
Now that
we have two.
310
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,174
Oh, we got
a wet one.
311
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:27,111
We got a wet one.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
312
00:12:27,145 --> 00:12:29,847
Uh-oh.
Two more.
313
00:12:29,881 --> 00:12:31,882
This isn't cool, man.
314
00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:35,586
Shh, it's ok.
It's ok. No, no, no.
315
00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:37,388
You're gonna
help us out here.
316
00:12:37,422 --> 00:12:39,123
We need
a little back-up.
317
00:12:39,157 --> 00:12:40,357
No mine. No mine.
318
00:12:40,391 --> 00:12:41,826
Dangle: Is there anyone
out there in processing
319
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:43,828
With baby experience
of any kind?
320
00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,463
Mine is suckling
here, Jim.
321
00:12:45,497 --> 00:12:47,064
Dangle:
If he's suckling, he quiet. That's fine.
322
00:12:47,098 --> 00:12:48,398
I don't care
if he's suckling.
323
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:50,701
I usually charge
more for this
324
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:52,136
Garcia: Oh, dear lord.
325
00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:53,304
Dangle: We're out
of prostitutes?
326
00:12:53,338 --> 00:12:55,940
It's Tuesday
night, boss.
327
00:12:55,974 --> 00:12:58,709
You got it.
Got one.
328
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:00,177
Got room
for 4 more on this one.
329
00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:01,445
Es aqui.
Es aqui.
330
00:13:01,479 --> 00:13:03,580
Thank you.
Thank you.
331
00:13:03,615 --> 00:13:05,115
Hey, hey, hey!
How is the baby with a gun?
332
00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:08,218
How's the baby
with a gun?
333
00:13:08,252 --> 00:13:10,487
Hi, hi, hi, hi.
334
00:13:10,521 --> 00:13:12,022
Is there no age limit?
What is the cutoff?
335
00:13:12,056 --> 00:13:14,158
We're not gonna start
getting 18-year-olds, are we?
336
00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:17,861
[siren]
337
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:24,335
Hola. Mi lamo Travis Junior,
338
00:13:24,369 --> 00:13:29,173
Ayudante del sheriff
del departmento Reno agulacil.
339
00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:35,680
Les pido que no usan
los letreros de la keratera
340
00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:38,081
Para practica del tiro,
341
00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:43,921
Y es su dinero qui reparen
esto letreros.
342
00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:48,459
?por que no usan
practica esta trio?
343
00:13:54,699 --> 00:14:02,973
Jones: ??? comin'
for to carry me home ???
344
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:07,345
[door buzzes]
345
00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:08,545
[babies crying]
346
00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:10,280
Oh! My god!
347
00:14:10,315 --> 00:14:15,085
Muchos ninos que nosotros
no queremos tener.
348
00:14:15,119 --> 00:14:17,788
You know what?
I have an idea.
349
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:22,793
[babies crying]
350
00:14:35,907 --> 00:14:37,041
Junior: Holy shit. Sir?
Dangle: Oh my god, sir?
351
00:14:37,075 --> 00:14:41,345
Sir, hold on.
Oh, man.
352
00:14:41,379 --> 00:14:43,280
I feel like I'm moving
my legs rapidly.
353
00:14:43,314 --> 00:14:45,983
Do you see them
moving? Let's take a look.
354
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,418
You know that...
355
00:14:47,452 --> 00:14:49,520
He's separated
completely from his legs.
356
00:14:49,554 --> 00:14:51,054
If we move this car,
he's dead.
357
00:14:51,089 --> 00:14:54,358
This is so ironic,
this right here.
358
00:14:54,392 --> 00:14:56,660
I was just with
some friends.
359
00:14:56,694 --> 00:14:59,063
We were
watching dvds,
360
00:14:59,097 --> 00:15:01,364
And I got into
rather a heated argument
361
00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:05,235
About m. Night Shyamalan
and the movie "signs,"
362
00:15:05,269 --> 00:15:07,471
You know, when
the wife is dying,
363
00:15:07,505 --> 00:15:09,406
She's been hit
by the car,
364
00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:11,942
And I really thought
that was the moment
365
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,677
When he started
to kind of go downhill
366
00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:15,112
And led, inevitably,
367
00:15:15,146 --> 00:15:16,947
To the sort of
postmodern dissonance
368
00:15:16,981 --> 00:15:18,782
Of "Lady in the water."
369
00:15:18,816 --> 00:15:22,052
We were just having
that same conversation on the way here.
370
00:15:22,086 --> 00:15:23,554
You know what one
was his good one?
371
00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:24,722
I liked
"the village."
372
00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:26,089
Look, guys.
373
00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:27,390
There were monsters
in that.
374
00:15:27,425 --> 00:15:28,526
I was like,
"are there really monsters?"
375
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:29,993
But then there weren't
really monsters.
376
00:15:30,028 --> 00:15:32,496
But what if
that happened? That could happen.
377
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:33,964
No. It couldn't happen.
378
00:15:33,998 --> 00:15:35,098
You want
a twist ending,
379
00:15:35,133 --> 00:15:37,467
You want Nicolas Roeg's
"Don't look now."
380
00:15:37,502 --> 00:15:39,503
Is that the one
with the talking babies?
381
00:15:39,537 --> 00:15:41,939
And Bruce Willis.
382
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:45,075
That guy from "Perfect"
has a baby, and the baby talks.
383
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,677
"perfect"?
384
00:15:46,711 --> 00:15:48,579
How about the guy from
"Saturday Night Fever"
385
00:15:48,613 --> 00:15:49,980
Or "Pulp Fiction"?
386
00:15:50,014 --> 00:15:51,681
"Perfect"? Who are you
talking about?
387
00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:55,585
John Travolta.
From "Perfect."
388
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:58,222
It was great because, like,
they were trying to dance,
389
00:15:58,256 --> 00:16:00,991
But they knew
they could never be perfect.
390
00:16:01,025 --> 00:16:02,293
You guys
are police.
391
00:16:02,327 --> 00:16:05,529
You obviously
must have seen Antonioni's "L'avventura,"
392
00:16:05,563 --> 00:16:06,963
The missing girl,
393
00:16:06,998 --> 00:16:10,267
The disconnected-
from-reality circle of rich friends.
394
00:16:10,301 --> 00:16:12,469
She goes missing.
They never find her.
395
00:16:12,503 --> 00:16:13,770
What was the one with
the little two mice
396
00:16:13,804 --> 00:16:15,272
Who go find that
little girl down in the bayou?
397
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,141
That's
"the rescuers."
398
00:16:17,175 --> 00:16:18,642
Yeah!
Yeah!
399
00:16:18,676 --> 00:16:20,043
It was horrible.
400
00:16:20,078 --> 00:16:22,145
That was the valley
of the Disney animation regime.
401
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,782
That was during the time
of "Pete's dragon"
402
00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:26,783
And "bedknobs
and broomsticks."
403
00:16:26,817 --> 00:16:29,419
I hated them boys
who were trying to get Pete's dragon.
404
00:16:29,454 --> 00:16:31,054
They were gonna make him
into a suit.
405
00:16:31,089 --> 00:16:33,891
Awful! Oh, please
get the emts here.
406
00:16:33,925 --> 00:16:37,628
Oh, you guys are just
bereft of any kind of culture
407
00:16:37,662 --> 00:16:41,432
And any kind of knowledge
of the world of cinema.
408
00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:43,367
Hey, Joe--
409
00:16:43,401 --> 00:16:44,568
What's that
over there?
410
00:16:44,602 --> 00:16:46,303
Hey, Joe, what's
that over there?
411
00:16:46,337 --> 00:16:49,140
No. You know
that technically-- [slam]
412
00:16:52,977 --> 00:16:56,147
His legs are about
4 feet that way.
413
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,314
We actually hit him.
414
00:16:57,348 --> 00:17:00,184
We bumped over him
on the way in.
415
00:17:00,218 --> 00:17:02,819
That guy was very in touch
with his inner asshole,
416
00:17:02,854 --> 00:17:07,191
Considering his asshole
was about 10 feet that way.
417
00:17:09,927 --> 00:17:11,628
Hey, Jackie.
418
00:17:11,662 --> 00:17:13,064
Jackie: Oh, hey.
419
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,966
You guys didn't
come to visit.
420
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,269
Yeah.
Yeah. We did.
421
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:20,805
Oh, hey,
they're flowers
422
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,606
For smelling,
huh? Thank you.
423
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:26,143
Jackie, we collectively
got together
424
00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:28,311
And prepared
this note.
425
00:17:28,346 --> 00:17:30,747
"dear Jackie..."
dear Jackie...
426
00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:33,517
"we are so sorry
you are in the hospital
427
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,986
"about to die.
428
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:41,158
"hope you die soon
and pain-free.
429
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:43,026
"sincerely
from all of us...
430
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,462
The Reno sheriff's
department."
431
00:17:45,496 --> 00:17:47,197
Listen. Shut
the fuck up.
432
00:17:47,231 --> 00:17:49,700
Now, little
miss this one,
433
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:51,101
This is
something that I think
434
00:17:51,135 --> 00:17:52,636
You will not
only appreciate.
435
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:54,938
It was my grandmother's
436
00:17:54,972 --> 00:17:58,675
And my grandmother's
before hers,
437
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:01,044
And now it is mine,
438
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:05,082
And now I am
giving it, passing it on down to you,
439
00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:09,553
And I think you
could probably get some use out of it.
440
00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:11,688
It's perfectly good.
441
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:13,924
I think just
a little crazy glue,
442
00:18:13,958 --> 00:18:15,526
And you're good
to go, sister.
443
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,761
I'm not
touching that.
444
00:18:17,796 --> 00:18:20,430
Jackie, are you having
a hard time dying?
445
00:18:20,464 --> 00:18:22,532
What do you mean,
a hard time dying?
446
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:24,434
Now I want you
to close your eye...
447
00:18:24,468 --> 00:18:26,970
Ok. It's closed.
448
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,840
And visualize yourself
on a trampoline.
449
00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:31,675
Is this like
a vision quest?
450
00:18:31,709 --> 00:18:33,277
Because I fell for
this once before,
451
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:34,778
And I woke up
with crabs.
452
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:37,013
I just want to help you
into the next life...
453
00:18:37,047 --> 00:18:39,817
Ok! I'm thinking
about a trampoline.
454
00:18:39,851 --> 00:18:42,819
Thinking about a trampoline,
and you're going up,
455
00:18:42,854 --> 00:18:44,688
And you're
going down,
456
00:18:44,722 --> 00:18:47,257
And you're going
up and down,
457
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,126
And then you jump off
458
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,961
And over the fence,
and you're done.
459
00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:52,095
Oh, I'm
gonna puke.
460
00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:54,331
Oh, crap.
Oh, god.
461
00:18:54,365 --> 00:18:55,498
I didn't even know
if that would work.
462
00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:57,667
I just read it
in "Reader's Digest."
463
00:18:57,702 --> 00:19:00,771
[siren]
464
00:19:03,207 --> 00:19:06,477
[siren]
465
00:19:06,511 --> 00:19:08,611
I got yet another jumper
466
00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:11,782
Out on the Old Sparks bridge.
467
00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:13,784
"life is worth living.
Life is worth living.
468
00:19:13,818 --> 00:19:16,019
Don't do it. Don't do it.
Life is worth living."
469
00:19:16,053 --> 00:19:17,855
Sir, life
is worth living.
470
00:19:17,889 --> 00:19:20,791
Don't do it, really.
Please don't do it.
471
00:19:20,825 --> 00:19:23,494
Please don't do it.
It's really, really far down.
472
00:19:23,528 --> 00:19:25,462
You do not want to do it.
Trust me, sir.
473
00:19:25,496 --> 00:19:26,864
Yeah. I think you're
right about that.
474
00:19:26,898 --> 00:19:28,165
Yeah. Yeah. You don't
want to do it, trust me.
475
00:19:28,199 --> 00:19:29,733
I'm just so tired.
I know.
476
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:32,236
Oh, bro, trust me.
I've been there.
477
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:34,204
You know, I could be
in some other house with some other job.
478
00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:37,140
Man, that'd be,
like, the bomb, you know?
479
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,042
That'd be
the greatest.
480
00:19:39,076 --> 00:19:40,443
So, you know, you got
to look at it like that.
481
00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:43,614
You got to look at it
like tabula rosa.
482
00:19:43,648 --> 00:19:45,416
Can I get a light?
Oh, here you go.
483
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:47,684
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck, shit.
484
00:19:47,718 --> 00:19:49,453
Fuck it!
485
00:19:49,487 --> 00:19:50,621
If you understand that
486
00:19:50,655 --> 00:19:52,956
Tomorrow is the first day
of the rest of your life,
487
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:55,992
Wiggle your foot.
488
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,600
Hi, Jackie.
489
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:06,236
It's Trudy.
Hi.
490
00:20:06,270 --> 00:20:08,571
You look terrific.
491
00:20:08,606 --> 00:20:11,742
Oh, trudy.
High five.
492
00:20:11,776 --> 00:20:14,444
Great. Ok.
That's enough, honey.
493
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:18,982
When we were
in the fourth grade... Yes?
494
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:22,186
I really appreciate
what you did for me
495
00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:25,822
When you told uncle Mel
that it was you
496
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:28,692
Who put the cigarette butts
in his beer
497
00:20:28,726 --> 00:20:31,862
And you took
the fall for me.
498
00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:34,664
I don't know what
to say about that.
499
00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:37,401
It's all good.
500
00:20:37,435 --> 00:20:40,203
God bless you.
You took the beating of your life.
501
00:20:40,237 --> 00:20:42,005
You took the beating of
your life for me, Jackie.
502
00:20:42,039 --> 00:20:43,807
I'll never
forget it.
503
00:20:43,841 --> 00:20:45,575
God bless you.
Get your tongue out of my ear.
504
00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:46,844
Get your tongue
out of my ear.
505
00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:49,479
Ok. Ok. Ok.
506
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:52,015
Ok. Don't touch.
No. Too much touching.
507
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,718
Ok. She's going to hell.
508
00:20:54,752 --> 00:20:58,088
She's definitely
going to hell.
509
00:20:58,123 --> 00:20:59,056
[farts]
510
00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:00,523
[flatline]
511
00:21:00,558 --> 00:21:02,960
Captioning made possible by
mtv networks
512
00:21:03,628 --> 00:21:05,429
This was
a diamond necklace
513
00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:08,431
Given to me by
Knackie Onassis herself.
514
00:21:08,466 --> 00:21:09,767
Knackie Onassis?
515
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:13,470
Jackie Onassis
herself!
516
00:21:13,505 --> 00:21:17,041
She was once
the queen!
517
00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:18,675
Now listen.
518
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:20,410
She was the queen
of style.
519
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,112
She was
the queen of music.
520
00:21:22,146 --> 00:21:23,547
She was the queen
of the scene.
521
00:21:23,581 --> 00:21:26,250
Don't even get me
started on Jackie Onassis.
522
00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:28,051
So, these are for you.
I hope you like them.
523
00:21:28,086 --> 00:21:30,921
Don't sell them
because I will find you in the afterlife
524
00:21:30,955 --> 00:21:32,789
And haunt the
shit out of you.
525
00:21:32,839 --> 00:21:37,389
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37661
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof