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1
00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:15,000
Reno, this is 41 frank 15
2
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:16,968
We're in hot pursuit
Of a brown nissan stanza,
3
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,634
Nevada license "w-u-v...
4
00:00:19,734 --> 00:00:23,200
It's a vanity plate,
"Wu-- wuv-- wuv my...
5
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,133
It's "w"
"Wu-- woov-me...
6
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,534
"Woove me--
Wuv me-- wuv my--
7
00:00:27,634 --> 00:00:29,234
"Wuv-my-k9"
8
00:00:29,334 --> 00:00:30,901
Love my canine,
Love my dog.
9
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,501
Oh, he loves his dog.
10
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:34,033
Stop the car,
Stop, stop !
11
00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:35,567
( Crash )
12
00:00:35,667 --> 00:00:38,267
13
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:40,601
( Siren blaring )
14
00:00:40,701 --> 00:00:44,067
Oh, ho !
Oh, ho-ho !
15
00:00:44,167 --> 00:00:46,300
( Police radio chatter )
16
00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:51,200
Aggghhh !
17
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:53,534
Here you go--
Lal-la, yeah...
18
00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:55,501
( Screaming )
19
00:00:55,601 --> 00:00:57,334
( Man on radio )
2-3 roger, roger...
20
00:00:57,434 --> 00:00:59,601
Shots fired !
21
00:00:59,701 --> 00:01:02,267
Oh-ho-ho !
22
00:01:02,367 --> 00:01:04,734
( Police radio chatter )
23
00:01:11,434 --> 00:01:13,567
( Siren blaring )
24
00:01:16,801 --> 00:01:18,400
( Johnson )
Once again i got No sleep last night.
25
00:01:18,501 --> 00:01:20,601
( Buzzer )
26
00:01:20,701 --> 00:01:23,434
Oh, here we go.
27
00:01:23,534 --> 00:01:27,000
Nice... Nice !
28
00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:30,534
Just my boyfriend,
Everybody.
29
00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:32,367
It's just steed,
The love of my life.
30
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,801
What did you do now ?
31
00:01:33,901 --> 00:01:36,100
This is so embarrassing...
32
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,200
Clemmy--
33
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,100
What'd you do now,
What'd you steal ?
34
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,667
I gotta tell you somethin',
I gotta come clean.
35
00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,801
I come here to, uh,
36
00:01:44,901 --> 00:01:49,000
Propose blissful matrimony
To you, down on bended knee.
37
00:01:52,601 --> 00:01:55,701
Clemmy, i know we been through
Some hard times together, uh--
38
00:01:55,801 --> 00:01:57,334
Oh, my god.
39
00:01:57,434 --> 00:01:59,200
Maybe more to come,
But, uh,
40
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:01,367
I think now we've
Made a real turn.
41
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:03,200
Uh, almost
A complete u-turn.
42
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:05,534
Uh, maybe not a
Complete u-turn
43
00:02:05,634 --> 00:02:07,901
But, like, a hard--
Very hard right turn ?
44
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,567
( Gasps )
45
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,067
I want you to
Marry me, clemmy.
46
00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:13,667
I got it at j.C. Penney.
47
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,534
( Gasps )
48
00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:17,100
Oh my--
49
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,667
This is not happening.
50
00:02:19,767 --> 00:02:24,033
Oh, my god--
Yes, by the way, yes, yes.
51
00:02:24,133 --> 00:02:26,067
( Applause )
52
00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:30,133
( Moaning )
53
00:02:35,367 --> 00:02:37,968
Is there like an
Empty cell we can use
54
00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,067
For a couple of--
55
00:02:39,167 --> 00:02:40,067
No.
56
00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:42,033
Is there ?
Just for a couple minutes.
57
00:02:44,133 --> 00:02:45,934
Take it outside.
58
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:49,801
When i met him, first week--
This is a true story--
59
00:02:49,901 --> 00:02:53,501
First week, i got "steed"
Tattooed across my back.
60
00:02:53,601 --> 00:02:55,968
But then he pissed me off
The next week
61
00:02:56,067 --> 00:02:57,300
And i had to change it.
62
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,334
And so i just put--
63
00:02:59,434 --> 00:03:02,934
I kinda had them do an "x"
Through the "d".
64
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:05,067
And it says "steely dan".
65
00:03:06,467 --> 00:03:08,434
Are we ready
To get married ?
66
00:03:08,534 --> 00:03:10,300
Well, i think--
67
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,567
You know, was i ready
To come to work today ?
68
00:03:12,667 --> 00:03:15,300
The thing about clemmy
Marrying steed is this:
69
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,634
People can do whatever
They wanna do.
70
00:03:17,734 --> 00:03:19,968
You know, we don't
Live in communist china.
71
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,701
You know ?
72
00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:23,234
I'm not gonna tell her,
73
00:03:23,334 --> 00:03:27,133
"Hey, this is a bad guy
With a rap sheet."
74
00:03:27,234 --> 00:03:30,033
"This is a guy
Who's, you know,
75
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:34,501
An attempted arsonist,
A repeat b & e."
76
00:03:34,601 --> 00:03:36,501
You know,
Is that my place to say,
77
00:03:36,601 --> 00:03:40,300
"Hey, this guy was
Wanted on "statch"
78
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,601
A couple years back ?"
79
00:03:41,701 --> 00:03:44,434
"Hey, this guy, y'know,
Shot his cousin
80
00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:46,567
Y'know, back in '81 ?"
81
00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:48,567
No, listen, people
Can do whatever they want
82
00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:49,901
This isn't communist china.
83
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:54,934
Sheriff's department.
84
00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:56,267
Sheriff's department, sir.
85
00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:57,868
Who's is it ?
86
00:03:57,968 --> 00:03:59,767
Sheriff's department !Partment !
87
00:03:59,868 --> 00:04:01,267
Hi, can i help you ?
88
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:02,634
Yeah, you can help us.
89
00:04:02,734 --> 00:04:04,100
Uh, look, we're
Shooting a movie right now.
90
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,501
This is really
Not the best time.
91
00:04:05,601 --> 00:04:07,467
We're gonna wrap, probably,
In about 10, 15 minutes
92
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:08,968
If you guys wanna grab a soda
Or something like that--
93
00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:10,567
Sir, we've been
Getting some noise,
94
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,067
Uh, complaints from
Suite 4, here.
95
00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:15,534
Yeah, you have been,
96
00:04:15,634 --> 00:04:17,667
Because there have been a lot
Of people knocking on my door
97
00:04:17,767 --> 00:04:20,300
And we are shooting--
We're shooting vérité,
98
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,667
I'm not sure if you're
Familiar with that term
99
00:04:21,767 --> 00:04:23,000
But that means real.
100
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,234
And you know
What's not real ?
101
00:04:24,334 --> 00:04:26,567
Is a couple of knuckleheads
F-- with my movie.
102
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,634
Okay, you know
What's real, sir ?
103
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:30,200
Is we're gonna come inside
'Cause your checkout time is 12
104
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:31,667
And it's now
8 in the p.M. Okay ?
105
00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:33,701
So, uh, that's real now,
We're gonna come in.
106
00:04:33,801 --> 00:04:35,334
Uh, okay, fine.
107
00:04:35,434 --> 00:04:36,567
Cut !
108
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:38,133
Uh, some people from
The police department
109
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:39,767
Would like to see what a
real movie is all about.
110
00:04:39,868 --> 00:04:41,200
This is art, all right ?
111
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,567
Do you understand
Where i live ?
112
00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:44,934
I live in america !
113
00:04:45,033 --> 00:04:47,300
And in america,
You can do what you want
114
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,601
And the nazis can't come inside
And f-- with your film.
115
00:04:50,701 --> 00:04:51,834
Don't you slap--
116
00:04:51,934 --> 00:04:53,567
Greased pig !
117
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:55,400
It's love oil !
118
00:04:55,501 --> 00:04:58,100
Son of a bitch !
119
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,734
♪ Oh, say can you see--
120
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,133
Don't you
Sing the anthem !
121
00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:05,501
♪ By the dawn's
Early light--
122
00:05:05,601 --> 00:05:07,367
Don't you sing
The anthem, sir !
123
00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:08,601
♪ What's so proud--
124
00:05:08,701 --> 00:05:11,100
No, don't you
Sing the anthem !
125
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,200
Damn, this cowboy's
Like a--
126
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:14,400
Yeah,
Say it, say it !
127
00:05:14,501 --> 00:05:15,801
Say it !
128
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:17,467
No, i'm fat.
129
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,000
I'm a fat f--
130
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:21,100
No, you're not fat.
No.
131
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:22,267
No, i'm not ?
132
00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:23,667
No, you're not fat.
133
00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:25,200
I'm not fat, really ?
134
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:26,767
Look at me,
Are you blind ?!
135
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,534
I'm as big as a house !
136
00:05:28,634 --> 00:05:30,434
( Groaning )
137
00:05:30,534 --> 00:05:31,968
Okay, i'll rent the room.
138
00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:33,634
I'll rent the room
For another day--
139
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,033
No.
Okay ?
140
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,033
We're not negotiating
Anymore, sir.
141
00:05:37,133 --> 00:05:39,834
Oop-- no, no, ho !
142
00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:42,634
( Growling )
143
00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:47,300
So long,
Everybody back to one !
144
00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:50,934
Yeah, reno 11,
Charlie 51.
145
00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:54,534
Send the fire department
Over to the desert sands--
146
00:05:54,634 --> 00:05:57,033
( Whistles )
147
00:05:57,133 --> 00:05:58,267
He's got your stick.
148
00:05:58,367 --> 00:05:59,300
( Bleep ) you,
( Bleep ) you two times--
149
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,067
What, what ?
150
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:03,968
Oh, you want this-- ooh.
151
00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:05,868
Oh, ( bleep ) !
152
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,601
Get off !
153
00:06:17,033 --> 00:06:18,801
Clemmy and i met
At a g-e-d class.
154
00:06:18,901 --> 00:06:22,434
It's graduate equivalent
Degree diploma.
155
00:06:22,534 --> 00:06:24,234
And he passed me a note.
156
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:28,367
Graduate equivalency degree,
You got it right the first time.
157
00:06:28,467 --> 00:06:29,767
Degree...
158
00:06:29,868 --> 00:06:31,200
Uh, i passed her a note--
159
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:33,167
Passed me a note, it said,
"I think you're hot."
160
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:35,133
And i passed him
A note and i said,
161
00:06:35,234 --> 00:06:36,534
"I don't need you
To tell me that."
162
00:06:36,634 --> 00:06:39,467
I am planning a
Bachelorette party for you.
163
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,934
Strippers... All right.
164
00:06:43,033 --> 00:06:46,300
You have a preference ?
Black, white ?
165
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,801
I like 'em all.
166
00:06:47,901 --> 00:06:50,100
I like black,
I like white...
167
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,501
I like black.
168
00:06:51,601 --> 00:06:53,501
Just don't get me any
Pacific islanders.
169
00:06:53,601 --> 00:06:57,033
I don't get it,
I don't get that.
170
00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:58,334
Okay, hi, gang.
171
00:06:58,434 --> 00:06:59,801
Uh, my name is
Lieutenant jim dangle
172
00:06:59,901 --> 00:07:02,067
And this is my associate,
Deputy travis junior.
173
00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:03,968
We're from the
Reno sheriff's department.
174
00:07:04,067 --> 00:07:07,000
And today we're gonna talk
About a scary and deadly
175
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:10,200
And dangerous drug
That's out on the streets.
176
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:12,834
It's a killer, it's a plague
That's sweeping the nation
177
00:07:12,934 --> 00:07:15,067
And it's called
"Crystal methamphetamine".
178
00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:17,901
Crystal methamphetamine is
A terrible, terrible drug
179
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,300
And it does a lot of
Terrible things to ya--
180
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,667
( Strums guitar )
181
00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:23,100
And we're gonna
Talk about some of those
182
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,534
Terrible things it does to you
But in a kind of a fun way.
183
00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,834
So follow along, and
As soon as you know the words
184
00:07:27,934 --> 00:07:29,601
Sing along right with me.
185
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:38,767
♪ You can monkey with a gibbon
You can fiddle with a bow ♪
186
00:07:38,868 --> 00:07:41,367
♪ But before you
Snort that crystal meth ♪
187
00:07:41,467 --> 00:07:45,133
♪ There's some things that
You should know ♪
188
00:07:45,234 --> 00:07:47,601
♪ Meth is made
From antihistamines ♪
189
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:50,634
♪ In basement labs
It's cooked ♪
190
00:07:50,734 --> 00:07:52,868
♪ And possession is a felony
191
00:07:52,968 --> 00:07:56,467
♪ Which means
That you'll get booked ♪
192
00:07:56,567 --> 00:07:58,234
♪ With a snort
193
00:07:58,334 --> 00:08:02,000
♪ It zips right up your nose
And eats away your brain ♪
194
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:04,534
♪ It kills your sense of
Good and evil ♪
195
00:08:04,634 --> 00:08:07,033
♪ And it
Makes you go insane ♪
196
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:08,667
Here we go...
197
00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:10,968
( Together )
* So don't meth with Meth, beth *
198
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:13,400
♪ Don't meth
With meth, seth ♪
199
00:08:13,501 --> 00:08:16,534
♪ Don't meth with meth...
Gwyneth ♪
200
00:08:16,634 --> 00:08:20,267
♪ Don't meth
With crystal meth ♪
201
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,667
Any questions ?
202
00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:26,901
We got another, uh,
45 minutes to kill.
203
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,434
Uh, any requests ?
204
00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,200
Anybody ?
205
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:36,834
I know some rush
And i know a lot of floyd.
206
00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:42,234
Hello.
207
00:08:42,334 --> 00:08:43,734
How you doin',
Today, ma'am ?
208
00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:45,367
Hi, i'm terrific,
How are you guys doin' ?
209
00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:47,100
We're doin' good.
Just great.
210
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,968
Sorry for
The holdup, guys.
211
00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:50,267
It's all right.
212
00:08:50,367 --> 00:08:51,834
I knew i held you up.
213
00:08:51,934 --> 00:08:53,534
That's probably
A crime, isn't it ?
214
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,868
No, no problem
But could you hurry it up ?
215
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:57,601
'Cause we got a lot
Of crime to--
216
00:08:57,701 --> 00:08:58,968
Can you believe,
$9 for tacos ?
217
00:08:59,067 --> 00:09:00,734
I mean, that's highway
Robbery, isn't it ?
218
00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:02,667
No, it's not bad,
Actually.
219
00:09:02,767 --> 00:09:04,334
highway robbery ?
220
00:09:04,434 --> 00:09:05,634
It's a fair price,
Actually.
221
00:09:05,734 --> 00:09:07,067
Here you go, guys.
222
00:09:07,167 --> 00:09:08,400
Okay, got it--
Ohh...
223
00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:10,300
Got it ?
Yeah.
224
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,801
Hope it's not a crime
To make you wait.
225
00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:14,734
Not at all, ma'am,
You have a good day.
226
00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:16,601
Do i have taco
In my teeth, huh ?
227
00:09:16,701 --> 00:09:19,367
No, i don't think so.
228
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,167
Bye-bye.
229
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:25,200
Kind of jittery, huh ?
230
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:26,701
I've got a note here.
231
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:28,567
"Officer, there are
Two armed men inside."
232
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:30,801
I hope there's
Two-armed men back there
233
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:33,033
A one-armed guy's not gonna
Be able to make a taco.
234
00:09:36,567 --> 00:09:38,434
This here, actually,
Is my plot.
235
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:42,133
Um, obviously,
There's nobody in it yet
236
00:09:42,234 --> 00:09:45,834
But, god willing,
There will be.
237
00:09:45,934 --> 00:09:47,434
Hi, mom.
238
00:09:47,534 --> 00:09:52,534
My mom started
Collecting beanie babies...
239
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,501
About four years
After she died.
240
00:09:55,601 --> 00:09:57,701
I used to leave 'em out here.
241
00:09:57,801 --> 00:10:00,701
In fact, i had a whole
Collection for her.
242
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:04,000
She had a great
Princess diana bear,
243
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,767
Those are a fortune.
244
00:10:05,868 --> 00:10:07,634
I had a hard time
Getting her that one,
245
00:10:07,734 --> 00:10:09,901
She was really excited
When i did finally get it.
246
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:15,033
Um, and i left him out here
You know, thinking,
247
00:10:15,133 --> 00:10:19,100
This is a sacred place
And uh...
248
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,701
Some nigger kid
Took him, i think.
249
00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:23,667
I have real dark skin.
250
00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:29,100
My mom was real light skinned,
She was an irish girl.
251
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,601
I have real dark skin
'Cause i was, apparently,
252
00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:33,067
So they say, i was raped.
253
00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:35,167
Um, my mother was raped
By an american indian.
254
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:37,400
She had gone on--
255
00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:41,567
It was a--
Some sort of souvenir hunt
256
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:44,534
In, uh, minnesota.
257
00:10:44,634 --> 00:10:48,868
Wandered onto a reservation
And boom, they raped her.
258
00:10:48,968 --> 00:10:51,567
They're talkin' about
Puttin' more, uh,
259
00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:54,033
Asian people in here ?
260
00:10:54,133 --> 00:11:00,534
And, uh,
I put up a flyer, um,
261
00:11:00,634 --> 00:11:03,734
Of course, without my name on it
Or any information, saying,
262
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:06,934
Y'know,
Let's try and keep--
263
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:10,901
In so many words, let's try
And keep the asians out.
264
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,868
And i haven't
Heard anything back
265
00:11:12,968 --> 00:11:14,267
But, then again,
266
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:16,167
I didn't put my name or
Any phone number on it, so.
267
00:11:16,267 --> 00:11:18,434
I don't know
How i would hear back.
268
00:11:18,534 --> 00:11:20,734
( Garcia )
Hey, wait, the head, I gotta get down lower.
269
00:11:20,834 --> 00:11:23,400
There we go-- medusa,
And then i go up.
270
00:11:23,501 --> 00:11:25,234
( Laughs )
271
00:11:25,334 --> 00:11:27,934
Look at that,
Pretty damn cool.
272
00:11:28,033 --> 00:11:28,934
Oh, a man of mystery !
273
00:11:29,033 --> 00:11:31,934
Oh, go away,
You evil greek guy !
274
00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:35,701
You have been curs-ed
By the evil medusa.
275
00:11:35,801 --> 00:11:37,667
You have been curs-ed !
276
00:11:37,767 --> 00:11:39,567
Hey, how would it be if i
Had to go to the bathroom ?
277
00:11:48,968 --> 00:11:50,968
( All )
Whoo !
278
00:11:53,434 --> 00:11:55,534
I have a speech that
I would like to make.
279
00:11:55,634 --> 00:11:57,000
Go girl !
280
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,334
Well, truth be told,
281
00:11:58,434 --> 00:11:59,734
This is the first party
I've ever been invited to.
282
00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:01,334
Aww...
283
00:12:01,434 --> 00:12:03,467
I'm sorry for--
284
00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:04,901
Shhh.
285
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,534
I don't know steed
Very well.
286
00:12:07,634 --> 00:12:11,501
But, my motto is,
287
00:12:11,601 --> 00:12:13,400
"Don't judge
A book by its cover."
288
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:15,634
Okay, girl !
289
00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:17,868
Whoo !
290
00:12:17,968 --> 00:12:19,634
I was waiting to tonight
To tell you this,
291
00:12:19,734 --> 00:12:21,934
I decided this like
A week ago, that, um...
292
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:25,167
Once you guys decide you
Wanna have children,
293
00:12:25,267 --> 00:12:27,634
I will sleep with steed,
294
00:12:27,734 --> 00:12:30,901
For as many times as it takes
To get me pregnant
295
00:12:31,033 --> 00:12:34,601
Until i give birth
And give you that baby.
296
00:12:34,701 --> 00:12:36,901
'Cause you deserve to be a mom,
You really frickin' do--
297
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,400
I'm gonna tell you right now,
White people are crazy.
298
00:12:39,501 --> 00:12:41,734
Crazy and nasty.
299
00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:45,501
I'm really excited that
You guys are here today.
300
00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:49,734
And that you don't feel like
There's a competition.
301
00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:51,667
Oh, no,
Not at all--
302
00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:53,234
It's not about a competition
303
00:12:53,334 --> 00:12:55,400
Because we know who
The winner is in this room.
304
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,367
And it's the one who's
Getting married.
305
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:05,133
Son of a bitch, this guy
Is drunk as a skunk
306
00:13:05,234 --> 00:13:06,601
Or high as a kite.
307
00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:08,534
Uh, friday night in reno.
308
00:13:08,634 --> 00:13:10,400
Put your hands where
I can see them !
309
00:13:10,501 --> 00:13:12,200
Hands where
I can see them !
310
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,367
Passenger, sit down.
311
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,501
God damn it, steed.
312
00:13:16,601 --> 00:13:18,868
Steed, what the f--
Are you doing, man ?
313
00:13:18,968 --> 00:13:19,934
Dangle.
314
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,234
You been weaving
All over the road
315
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,767
You're driving like
A crazy person.
316
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:24,534
Steed, step out of the
Vehicle, will you, please ?
317
00:13:24,634 --> 00:13:26,501
Step on out, steed,
God damn it.
318
00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:28,434
What are you doing
Tonight, steed ?
319
00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:32,200
Uh, peyote...
Mushrooms...
320
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,367
Right, right.
321
00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:35,334
Some crystal meth...
322
00:13:35,434 --> 00:13:36,501
You did what ?
323
00:13:36,601 --> 00:13:37,834
About 28 beers ?
324
00:13:37,934 --> 00:13:39,501
Don't, don't--
325
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:40,901
Okay, you got
Some marijuana.
326
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,701
That is some
Good ( bleep ).
327
00:13:42,801 --> 00:13:45,734
Now, you know you can't--
What the ( bleep ), steed ?
328
00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:49,534
Steed, that's like
A pound of marijuana.
329
00:13:49,634 --> 00:13:51,601
You got a .38--
330
00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:53,033
No, no, steed--
331
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,567
Stop, stop...
Stop, stop...
332
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,634
You're overincriminating
Yourself.
333
00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:57,767
We don't have to
See all this,
334
00:13:57,868 --> 00:13:59,234
We weren't even
Gonna pat ya down.
335
00:13:59,334 --> 00:14:00,734
God damn it, steed.
336
00:14:00,834 --> 00:14:02,334
We're gonna pretend
We didn't see that.
337
00:14:02,434 --> 00:14:03,567
No, hand out of
Your pocket !
338
00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:05,234
Hand out of
Your pocket !
339
00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:06,767
God damn it, steed !
340
00:14:06,868 --> 00:14:08,601
This is, uh...
341
00:14:08,701 --> 00:14:09,801
What are you doin' ?
342
00:14:09,901 --> 00:14:11,834
That's brown heroin,
This is, uh...
343
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,801
We weren't even
Gonna search ya.
344
00:14:13,901 --> 00:14:16,000
I didn't even wanna know what
Was in your pocket, man.
345
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,434
Be sure and keep
The cap on that.
346
00:14:17,534 --> 00:14:19,033
You're gettin' married--
347
00:14:19,133 --> 00:14:20,634
You're gettin' married
Tomorrow.
348
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:22,133
You just don't know
When to quit, do you ?
349
00:14:22,234 --> 00:14:24,100
I realize,
I don't know when to--
350
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,367
I've got some problems.
351
00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:27,767
Uh, going to the a.A.
Twelve step ?
352
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:28,934
You ain't doin' too good.
353
00:14:29,033 --> 00:14:30,868
Which step is the
Four pounds of marijuana ?
354
00:14:30,968 --> 00:14:32,133
Which step is that ?
355
00:14:32,234 --> 00:14:34,000
Steed, just cool off.
356
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:35,434
Freeze.
357
00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:36,868
Travis ?
No, we got him--
358
00:14:36,968 --> 00:14:38,734
Travis, come here.
359
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,133
Don't go nowhere.
360
00:14:40,234 --> 00:14:42,901
I, for one,
Am not gonna be the guy
361
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,167
Who takes clemmy's
Husband-to-be in
362
00:14:45,267 --> 00:14:46,601
The night
Before his nuptials.
363
00:14:46,701 --> 00:14:47,767
I'm not gonna do it.
364
00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:49,200
I'm not gonna do this
To that woman.
365
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,834
We'll dump the stuff
And let him go, okay ?
366
00:14:50,934 --> 00:14:52,467
We'll let him go ?
367
00:14:52,567 --> 00:14:53,601
We're not gonna
Let him drive
368
00:14:53,701 --> 00:14:55,267
But we're gonna dump
The stuff and let him go.
369
00:14:55,367 --> 00:14:57,200
She ain't gonna do
No better, you're right.
370
00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,634
She ain't gonna do
No better than steed.
371
00:14:58,734 --> 00:15:00,100
He's no prize,
But neither is she, come on.
372
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:05,167
Okay, steed, we talked it
Over and i just wanna--
373
00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:06,334
( Bottle shatters )
374
00:15:06,434 --> 00:15:07,501
Ohh !
375
00:15:07,601 --> 00:15:09,167
God damn it,
Are you-- steed !
376
00:15:09,267 --> 00:15:10,501
Ahh !
377
00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,467
Oh, my god,
Remember what we--
378
00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:16,167
What we did with this ?
379
00:15:16,267 --> 00:15:20,501
Oh, my gosh,
I totally remember.
380
00:15:20,601 --> 00:15:22,567
Don't give me attitude,
I am the maid of honor--
381
00:15:22,667 --> 00:15:24,834
( Williams )
Yeah, i know who you are But this is my house
382
00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:27,367
I'm givin' the party !
383
00:15:27,467 --> 00:15:30,968
Anybody want a-- anybody
Want a hot cup of wang ?
384
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:32,834
( Banging on door )
385
00:15:32,934 --> 00:15:34,567
Somebody at the door !
386
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,234
How i look ?
387
00:15:38,033 --> 00:15:40,567
( All hollering )
388
00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:42,701
It's the police !
389
00:15:42,801 --> 00:15:47,000
Um, uh, is it
A problem, officer ?
390
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,267
Yes, we have
A noise complaint.
391
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:52,033
Well, was we makin'
Too much noise ?
392
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:54,367
I don't think you was
Makin' enough noise !
393
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,868
( All hollering )
394
00:15:56,968 --> 00:16:00,067
Yeah, baby !
I'm the bride !
395
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,067
Ladies, we are
The men of mantasia.
396
00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:04,701
You ready for some chocolate
Caramel sticks ?
397
00:16:04,801 --> 00:16:06,934
You ready
For some man meat ?
398
00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:12,067
Hold on,
Hold on...
399
00:16:12,167 --> 00:16:13,767
Jones ?
400
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:16,901
Hi, trudy.
401
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,501
What you doin' here ?
402
00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:20,200
Moonlighting.
403
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:24,734
Listen, hey, i don't need you
Lookin' at me that way, okay ?
404
00:16:24,834 --> 00:16:27,267
If you want another officer,
Fine, i'll go,
405
00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:29,467
I need the money, okay ?
406
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:30,934
No, no, no, no, no.
407
00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:36,100
Jonesy, officer, darling...
I paid for three strippers,
408
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,334
I'm gonna have
Three strippers !
409
00:16:38,434 --> 00:16:40,234
Let's get the party
Started !
410
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:42,467
Let's get
The party started !
411
00:16:45,868 --> 00:16:49,334
Go jonesy, go jonesy,
Go jonesy...
412
00:16:49,434 --> 00:16:50,901
On the right,
On the right !
413
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,868
Whooo !
414
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:04,467
Whoo, whoo, whoa !
415
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:06,367
Do babies need
Their bottle ?
416
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:08,267
( All )
Ooh !
417
00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:10,367
Oh ! Oh, yeah.
418
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:14,334
( All hollering )
419
00:17:22,467 --> 00:17:24,334
( Banjo playing )
420
00:17:27,234 --> 00:17:35,033
♪ ave maria ♪
421
00:17:35,133 --> 00:17:41,000
♪ gratia plena ♪
422
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:49,501
♪ maria gratia plenaave, ave dominus ♪
423
00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:54,434
♪ dominus tecum ♪
424
00:17:56,234 --> 00:17:57,767
Just wanna thank
You all for coming out
425
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,634
On this egregious occasion.
426
00:17:59,734 --> 00:18:01,934
I'm a straight-shootin' cowboy,
You all know that.
427
00:18:02,033 --> 00:18:03,400
I've partied
With many of you,
428
00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:05,934
Oftentimes 'til four a.M.
Shootin' down shots of "jage".
429
00:18:06,033 --> 00:18:09,834
Uh, clemmie,
Love of my life.
430
00:18:09,934 --> 00:18:13,267
Always wanna be in
A semi-monogamous Relationship with you.
431
00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:14,901
Uh, lookin' forward to it.
432
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,300
Uh...
433
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,000
Tits looks great.
434
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,334
That's all i got.
435
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,968
Clementine.
436
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:25,667
( Crying )
437
00:18:32,167 --> 00:18:34,400
I love you, and um,
438
00:18:34,501 --> 00:18:38,100
When one dynamic person
Meets another dynamic person
439
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,467
It's like a whole
Lot of dynamite.
440
00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:43,234
And i promise that, um,
441
00:18:43,334 --> 00:18:47,334
I will stay in this marriage
Until we both agree
442
00:18:47,434 --> 00:18:49,567
That we don't
Wanna do it anymore.
443
00:18:49,667 --> 00:18:52,567
I love you.
444
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,601
With this ring...
445
00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:00,067
I don't know
How it ends.
446
00:19:00,167 --> 00:19:03,100
If there be any here,
Whatsoever,
447
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,334
Who knows of a reason
That this man and woman
448
00:19:06,434 --> 00:19:08,467
Should not be joined
In holy matrimony,
449
00:19:08,567 --> 00:19:12,200
Speak now,
Or forever hold your peace.
450
00:19:20,801 --> 00:19:23,033
Then, by the power vested in me
By the state of nevada,
451
00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:26,634
I now pronounce you
Husband and wife.
452
00:19:26,734 --> 00:19:28,400
You may now--
Well, there ya go.
453
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,868
Whoo !
All right !
454
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,567
( Cheering )
455
00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:43,767
We're married !
456
00:19:43,868 --> 00:19:45,801
( Screaming )
457
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:58,267
They ain't gonna
Make it, mm-mm.
458
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,501
Can we go, or what ?
459
00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:07,400
Yeah, let's go.
460
00:20:13,968 --> 00:20:14,968
Hey, don't come at me
With this attitude,
461
00:20:15,067 --> 00:20:16,334
Like, "i'm gonna judge."
462
00:20:16,434 --> 00:20:17,868
What i'm doing here
Is none of your business
463
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:19,467
But i got my cat, mr. Paws
464
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:20,968
And i'm gonna make sweet love
To this young lady
465
00:20:21,067 --> 00:20:22,801
And mr. Paws gonna watch 'cause
That's an extension of myself.
466
00:20:22,901 --> 00:20:25,000
And that's legal,
Because that's my choice !
467
00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:29,434
Girl, what happened to you,
Did steed do this to you ?
468
00:20:29,534 --> 00:20:31,868
Yes, he did, but you should
See what i did to him.
469
00:20:31,968 --> 00:20:34,534
He's in the hospital with his
Jaw wired shut, it's all good.
470
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,667
Oh, my god.
471
00:20:36,767 --> 00:20:38,801
Are you all right ?
472
00:20:38,901 --> 00:20:40,467
I'm fine, i'm fine.
473
00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:43,167
I mean, we forgot
To get a license
474
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:45,634
So we were never really
Married, so, it's fine.
475
00:20:45,734 --> 00:20:48,934
Clemmy's back and she's single
And it's all good.
476
00:20:52,734 --> 00:20:55,000
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
477
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:58,000
Captioned by
soundwriters*
478
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,634
Adolf hitler
Was not gay, okay ?
479
00:21:02,734 --> 00:21:04,133
I heard that he was.
480
00:21:04,234 --> 00:21:07,100
He loved wagner
And he was gay.
481
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,267
He also had one ball,
They say.
482
00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:10,667
And, he was jewish.
483
00:21:10,767 --> 00:21:11,968
Yeah, oh yeah.
484
00:21:12,067 --> 00:21:15,801
And he had one ball...
I think.
485
00:21:15,901 --> 00:21:17,634
That might be
Just from the song.
486
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:19,133
No, he really
Had one ball.
487
00:21:19,234 --> 00:21:21,501
No, he only had one ball, it's
In the museum of tolerance now.
488
00:21:21,601 --> 00:21:22,767
No, it's not.
489
00:21:22,868 --> 00:21:24,167
Hitler's ball ?
490
00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:25,534
Where else
Would it be ?
491
00:21:25,634 --> 00:21:27,300
They put hitler's ball in
The museum of tolerance ?
492
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,968
You gotta know where to--
You gotta ask the fella
493
00:21:29,067 --> 00:21:30,267
And he'll let you
In the back room.
494
00:21:30,317 --> 00:21:34,867
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