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1
00:00:12,968 --> 00:00:15,901
( Police chatter )
2
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,200
How you doin' today,
ma'am?
3
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:20,000
I'm gonna need to have you
4
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,534
step out the car for me
for a second...
5
00:00:22,634 --> 00:00:24,367
Oh!
6
00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:26,133
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
7
00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:27,634
Oh!
8
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,801
( Sirens blaring )
9
00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:36,067
Oh ho, oh, ho-ho!
10
00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:38,367
( Police radio chatter )
11
00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:43,634
Aggghhhh!
12
00:00:43,734 --> 00:00:45,634
Here you go...
Lal-la, yeah...
13
00:00:45,734 --> 00:00:47,100
( Screaming )
14
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,334
( Man on radio )
2-3, Roger, Roger!
15
00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:52,067
Shots fired!
16
00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:54,200
Oh-ho-ho!
17
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,701
( Police radio chatter )
18
00:01:04,434 --> 00:01:06,167
( Sirens blaring )
19
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:09,968
( Dangle )
And, as many of you know,
20
00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:12,834
deputy Jones has been
suspended by the board...
21
00:01:12,934 --> 00:01:14,400
( Woman )
What?
22
00:01:14,501 --> 00:01:17,434
For assaulting
deputy Garcia.
23
00:01:17,534 --> 00:01:19,467
I didn't hear about that.
24
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:20,767
Yes, Jones
has been suspended.
25
00:01:20,868 --> 00:01:22,901
He has been sent down
to the gulag.
26
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,300
People,
if you have a minute,
27
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,033
I'd stop by and visit him
down in the gulag,
28
00:01:26,133 --> 00:01:29,701
because, honestly,
that is no picnic down there.
29
00:01:29,801 --> 00:01:31,601
Most of them
don't last five minutes.
30
00:01:31,701 --> 00:01:33,100
No, those people are animals
down there.
31
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,067
I, for one,
hope he doesn't just quit.
32
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:37,267
( Junior ) Well, tell
'em why he hit you,
33
00:01:37,367 --> 00:01:39,667
Garcia, before you get
the kiss on the face.
34
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,000
Why are you making me,
you know...
35
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,234
Say what you did,
say what you did,
36
00:01:43,334 --> 00:01:44,467
Jones hit you
for no reason?
37
00:01:44,567 --> 00:01:46,400
We were looking at a magazine.
38
00:01:46,501 --> 00:01:48,767
It was one of them
black/colored magazines,
39
00:01:48,868 --> 00:01:50,400
and I said something
about Halle Berry
40
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,300
being half polack
and half black,
41
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,834
and a stupid joke
about a V.C.R...
42
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:56,267
She steals them,
43
00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:57,567
and she can't program them
or something.
44
00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:59,367
I thought
it was just... boom!
45
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,467
( Junior )
Halle Berry's half polack?
46
00:02:01,567 --> 00:02:02,934
She's half polack.
47
00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:06,734
There has got to be a better
half black/half polack joke.
48
00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:08,701
( Williams ) How come he
didn't get suspended,
49
00:02:08,801 --> 00:02:10,167
and my jonesy
got suspended?
50
00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:11,634
( Garcia ) I'm the one
that got hit, that's why.
51
00:02:11,734 --> 00:02:13,133
It's not entirely...
52
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,834
Hey, Jonesy.
Hey, Jones.
53
00:02:15,934 --> 00:02:17,601
( Dangle )
You on your way down there?
54
00:02:17,701 --> 00:02:21,968
( Man on radio ) Watch commander to the
bridge, watch commander to the bridge...
55
00:02:24,968 --> 00:02:26,300
( Sighing )
56
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,434
Who's Garcia's partner
today?
57
00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:31,634
Not it.
Not it. Not it.
58
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,534
Trudy.
59
00:02:33,634 --> 00:02:35,000
What'd I win?
60
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:36,534
You're with Garcia,
today.
61
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,367
We need to stop
by my gynecologist
62
00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:39,934
at 11:00 on the way.
63
00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:42,200
Oh, Jesus Christ.
64
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,300
I just have to pick up
some test results,
65
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,801
and I might get a pap smear,
'cause it has been six months.
66
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:48,868
Hey, if you have
five minutes,
67
00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:50,267
stop by and see Jones,
seriously,
68
00:02:50,367 --> 00:02:52,734
because it's a shame that
one of our best officers
69
00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:55,801
should be humiliated
like that.
70
00:02:55,901 --> 00:02:58,801
( Blowing whistle )
71
00:03:01,033 --> 00:03:03,300
( Children chattering )
72
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,000
What are y'all ( Bleep )
Looking at?
73
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:07,167
Oh, what ?!
74
00:03:07,267 --> 00:03:09,167
( Scoffing )
75
00:03:09,267 --> 00:03:11,200
I hate white girls.
76
00:03:18,834 --> 00:03:21,534
I've never been
in one of these places before.
77
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,300
Eww, it's carpeted.
78
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,133
( Garcia ) Sir, can I ask
you to get off the...
79
00:03:25,234 --> 00:03:26,868
Hey, ho, hey!
80
00:03:26,968 --> 00:03:28,501
Get down from there.
81
00:03:28,601 --> 00:03:29,834
Hey!
82
00:03:29,934 --> 00:03:32,234
( Man ) You like
that, don't you?
83
00:03:32,334 --> 00:03:33,801
No, I don't, sir,
get off the pole.
84
00:03:33,901 --> 00:03:35,100
Get off the stage.
Sir, get down.
85
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:36,734
Don't fight
the feeling...
86
00:03:36,834 --> 00:03:38,200
Sir, okay, do you want
some stick time?
87
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,734
Do you want...
88
00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:44,100
Sir, don't flip that!
Don't flip that!
89
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,400
James,
make him stop!
90
00:03:46,501 --> 00:03:48,534
Don't swing on that pole,
okay ?!
91
00:03:48,634 --> 00:03:50,767
I'm gonna come down there
and physically remove you.
92
00:03:50,868 --> 00:03:52,868
( Hollering )
93
00:03:52,968 --> 00:03:54,467
Do not tempt me, sir.
94
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,033
( Man ) You gonna hide behind
that badge and that gun there,
95
00:03:56,133 --> 00:03:58,567
or are you gonna show me
that you're a real man?
96
00:03:58,667 --> 00:04:00,400
Sir, don't...
97
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,234
You want me to take off
the badge, sir?
98
00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:04,901
Okay, okay,
hide-and-seek's over, sir.
99
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,701
You think you can take me on
with that cane, old man?
100
00:04:06,801 --> 00:04:08,434
All right...
101
00:04:08,534 --> 00:04:10,067
Adiós, pistola,
right there.
102
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,601
Just me and you, boy.
103
00:04:11,701 --> 00:04:14,000
Sir, trust me...
Sir, I think...
104
00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:15,167
Aii!
Oh!
105
00:04:15,267 --> 00:04:16,267
Son of a bitch.
106
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:18,100
Wiegel, goddamn it,
hey, hey!
107
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,767
Why don't you dance now,
( Bleep ).
108
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,133
( Firing gun )
109
00:04:21,234 --> 00:04:22,300
Aah!
Son of a bitch!
110
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,501
Aah, damn it!
Aah!
111
00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,334
Call for help!
112
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,501
Help!
113
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,000
Use your...
Use your goddamn radio!
114
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,000
Help!
115
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,100
Oh, son of bitch, oh!
116
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,567
I myself have had
many "daydreams"
117
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:39,234
about punching Garcia,
myself.
118
00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:41,968
Um, I've actually
had "daydreams"
119
00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:43,834
about "stabbing" Garcia...
120
00:04:46,334 --> 00:04:48,267
In the "daytime"...
121
00:04:50,267 --> 00:04:53,601
"In front of people."
122
00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:57,000
Oh, dear, dear, dear ( Bleep ),
there he is.
123
00:04:57,100 --> 00:05:00,567
Hey, Terry,
sheriff's department.
124
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:01,634
How you doin'?
125
00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:03,267
Hey, guys!
Hey!
126
00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:04,634
What's going down?
127
00:05:04,734 --> 00:05:06,601
Well, I'll tell you
what's going down, Terry.
128
00:05:06,701 --> 00:05:09,200
You know that they've installed
a camera here
129
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,467
at this red light here?
130
00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:11,701
Oh my God!
131
00:05:11,801 --> 00:05:12,868
Yeah,
and it takes a picture
132
00:05:12,968 --> 00:05:14,000
whenever anybody runs
a red light.
133
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,334
Oh, that is awesome,
that's like the future.
134
00:05:16,434 --> 00:05:17,834
It is awesome.
135
00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:20,467
So you know why we're here,
don't you?
136
00:05:20,567 --> 00:05:22,434
Why?
Was there a fire?
137
00:05:22,534 --> 00:05:23,634
You've been charging
three bucks.
138
00:05:23,734 --> 00:05:25,501
You run up when the car's
at the red light,
139
00:05:25,601 --> 00:05:28,267
and you give a H.J.
during the red light.
140
00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:31,567
Oh, my God...
That sounds...
141
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:34,467
That's not something
that I would ever do.
142
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,267
No, except,
that we got about, uh...
143
00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:38,033
We got about 38 photographs
of you,
144
00:05:38,133 --> 00:05:39,901
and that's only last night.
145
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,400
I can see
how you would think that,
146
00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:44,300
but I sell oranges.
147
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,033
You sell oranges?
148
00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:47,467
You sell oranges?
149
00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:48,901
Mm-hmm.
150
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,300
I'll take some.
151
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,033
I'm sold out,
I sold out of my oranges.
152
00:05:53,133 --> 00:05:56,067
I run out and people are, like,
"beep, beep," and I go, "okay,"
153
00:05:56,167 --> 00:05:57,501
and they are driving,
154
00:05:57,601 --> 00:05:58,901
and so I just put it
in their lap.
155
00:05:59,000 --> 00:05:59,934
Well...
156
00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:01,267
I don't know
about that.
157
00:06:01,367 --> 00:06:02,534
You put an orange
in their lap?
158
00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:03,968
Come on, Terry...
159
00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:05,400
I can't do that,
I have to call my girlfriend.
160
00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:07,601
Listen, I don't even know
what you're talking about.
161
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,167
We're talking about you giving
hand jobs three bucks a pop
162
00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:11,634
at this red light up here.
163
00:06:11,734 --> 00:06:12,868
That's what we're
talking about.
164
00:06:12,968 --> 00:06:14,968
A hand job
is still a job, okay?
165
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,701
Come on,
easy does it.
166
00:06:16,801 --> 00:06:18,567
Xanadu it
right into the car, now.
167
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:21,634
You Xana-don't it.
168
00:06:21,734 --> 00:06:22,868
( Dangle ) Did he just say
"Xana-don't it" to me?
169
00:06:22,968 --> 00:06:24,801
( Junior )
I think so, yeah.
170
00:06:26,801 --> 00:06:28,901
( Johnson ) Although, Garcia
does say a lot of stupid things,
171
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,701
and we hear all of them,
172
00:06:31,801 --> 00:06:34,100
um, he's always saying
stupid things, okay?
173
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,968
So you can't... you gotta
get used to that, all right?
174
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,767
And you have to kind
of ignore it.
175
00:06:38,868 --> 00:06:42,534
I hear Garcia saying something
racist or something anti-women
176
00:06:42,634 --> 00:06:43,868
and I just turn it off,
177
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:46,567
and it's just, "blah-blah-blah
blah-blah-blah-blah."
178
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,701
Like, I... probably,
like, what a dog hears.
179
00:06:48,801 --> 00:06:50,100
( Barking )
Exactly.
180
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,033
Well, that's what a dog says,
that's not what a dog hears.
181
00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:56,501
So I'm here to visit
officer Jones today,
182
00:06:56,601 --> 00:06:57,801
thought I'd come by
183
00:06:57,901 --> 00:06:59,434
and bring him
a little care package.
184
00:06:59,534 --> 00:07:01,200
He's working crosswalk duty
this week,
185
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,767
and I know
he's probably really down,
186
00:07:02,868 --> 00:07:05,868
so I thought I'd come
and cheer him up,
187
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,267
'cause I know I'd be upset
188
00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:08,367
if I had to work
with these little bastards
189
00:07:08,467 --> 00:07:10,067
all day long, so...
190
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:12,000
Ready?
Okay.
191
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,033
Up, down, yes.
192
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,801
Yeah, and, then,
little spirity...
193
00:07:15,901 --> 00:07:18,067
Yeah, open palm and spirit.
194
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:20,868
Well, I wish
I had my camera.
195
00:07:20,968 --> 00:07:24,300
I wish I had my camera,
Mr. Jones.
196
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,167
Take care,
bye, sweetie.
197
00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:30,167
Oh, someone's being bad,
who's a bad boy?
198
00:07:30,267 --> 00:07:31,701
You don't need
to judge me here, okay?
199
00:07:31,801 --> 00:07:33,901
I'm not judging you,
I think it's cute.
200
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,567
I think it's adorable.
201
00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:37,100
Thanks for showing up,
I'm glad you came by.
202
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,801
You're welcome,
you're welcome.
203
00:07:38,901 --> 00:07:42,000
Look, if you want
cheerleading outfits,
204
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:44,133
I've got nothing
but cheerleading outfits.
205
00:07:44,234 --> 00:07:45,501
Oh, do you?
206
00:07:45,601 --> 00:07:47,767
Yeah, and I can do the splits
all three ways.
207
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,534
You know...
All three ways.
208
00:07:50,634 --> 00:07:53,701
Right, left, middle.
209
00:07:53,801 --> 00:07:55,501
I don't even have to get up
from the ground,
210
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,400
and I can do,
on my right leg,
211
00:07:57,501 --> 00:07:58,868
splits up against the wall,
212
00:07:58,968 --> 00:08:01,667
so just keep that under
your hat.
213
00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:03,534
I will, thank you,
I'm glad you showed up.
214
00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:05,200
You got beer and...
I miss you.
215
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:06,567
You do?
Yeah?
216
00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:07,701
I miss you too.
217
00:08:07,801 --> 00:08:08,901
This is sad.
218
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,534
I'm looking at an ebony statue
in tangerine,
219
00:08:12,634 --> 00:08:16,000
and it makes me
wanna cry 'cause it's...
220
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:19,300
It's, uh, you're not living up
to your potential.
221
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,734
We want you back, you know?
222
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:23,567
Well, thank you
for the beer.
223
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:26,000
Thank you for the sunblock
and sandwiches.
224
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,400
I've got a half an hour.
225
00:08:27,501 --> 00:08:29,501
You want to,
uh...
226
00:08:29,601 --> 00:08:30,734
You wanna do it?
Yeah.
227
00:08:30,834 --> 00:08:31,801
Okay.
228
00:08:31,901 --> 00:08:34,000
I do, let's go.
229
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,200
There's a port-o-potty,
like, down the street.
230
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:38,934
Yeah...
Let's just do it in the car.
231
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,667
No day is ever too busy
to stop in
232
00:08:48,767 --> 00:08:50,400
and get the hook-up,
huh?
233
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:53,033
You can't fight crime
if you ain't cute.
234
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,033
Hey, people!
What's up ?!
235
00:08:56,133 --> 00:08:58,267
Raineesha, girl,
what's up ?!
236
00:08:58,367 --> 00:09:00,901
How are you, baby?
237
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,300
I'm so glad
you could squeeze me in.
238
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,100
Yes, I will, of course,
squeeze you in.
239
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,067
Of course,
squeeze you, girl.
240
00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:12,234
Hey, girlfriend!
Whoo-whoo!
241
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:13,801
Dangle?
242
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,100
Yeah, I'm kicking it
at chandra's.
243
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,968
Well, what you doin' here?
244
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,634
I asked you
where's the best place,
245
00:09:18,734 --> 00:09:19,868
and you told me where's
the best place,
246
00:09:19,968 --> 00:09:21,167
and here I am.
247
00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:23,133
I'm surprised.
248
00:09:23,234 --> 00:09:24,734
I mean, I didn't
expect to see you.
249
00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:25,968
She's the best.
250
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,767
Well, y'all hurry it on up,
then, I guess.
251
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:30,467
Wait a second.
252
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:35,701
Um, hello, um, uh,
when did Parker posey
253
00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:37,334
become a crackhead?
254
00:09:37,434 --> 00:09:38,467
Who Parker posey?
255
00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:39,767
Right there.
256
00:09:39,868 --> 00:09:41,100
You know, black women,
we dress.
257
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,100
A black girl dressed like that,
they'd pick you up.
258
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,634
Speaking
of married five times,
259
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:45,934
you know who's coming up
next year?
260
00:09:46,033 --> 00:09:47,701
Liza!
261
00:09:47,801 --> 00:09:49,868
White women age bad.
262
00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:51,834
White women age
real bad.
263
00:09:51,934 --> 00:09:55,400
Hello, hello,
lock it on up, Jack.
264
00:09:55,501 --> 00:09:56,968
I got an appointment
I got to keep,
265
00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:58,534
gotta go see my man.
266
00:09:58,634 --> 00:10:01,434
Going to see Jones,
I told you.
267
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,467
What, he said he was gonna see
somebody name of Jones.
268
00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:05,434
That's what he said.
269
00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:07,767
When he came in, he said,
"yeah, girl, hook me up.
270
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:08,868
"I'm going to see Jones.
271
00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:11,367
I gotta look right,
get my highlights redone."
272
00:10:11,467 --> 00:10:14,000
Are you talking about Jonesy?
My Jones?
273
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:17,634
Yeah, that's what he said
when he came in... Jones.
274
00:10:17,734 --> 00:10:19,133
Jones, that was
the name you said, right?
275
00:10:19,234 --> 00:10:20,367
Jones?
276
00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:22,167
I know it was Jones,
you said Jones.
277
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:23,601
This is burning
a little bit.
278
00:10:23,701 --> 00:10:25,234
Oh, do you have
a tender head?
279
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:27,601
Sheena, go put him
under the shampoo bowl.
280
00:10:27,701 --> 00:10:29,701
I'm burning a little bit,
I'm burning a little bit.
281
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:32,501
( Williams ) Are you telling
me that he said to you
282
00:10:32,601 --> 00:10:34,767
that he was gonna get
all pulled together
283
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,334
to go see my Jones?
284
00:10:36,434 --> 00:10:37,501
Uh-huh.
285
00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:38,634
Rent a billboard.
286
00:10:38,734 --> 00:10:39,968
Why don't you rent a billboard,
chandra?
287
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,934
Good afternoon.
288
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,367
Where you going to
in such a hurry?
289
00:10:53,467 --> 00:10:55,434
I'm...
I'm doing a magic show.
290
00:10:55,534 --> 00:10:57,901
I'm an entertainer,
I do magic.
291
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,234
Okay, so you need to swerve
all over the road
292
00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:01,767
to do that, sir?
293
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:02,901
I was in a little bit
of a hurry.
294
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,434
You been drinking?
295
00:11:04,534 --> 00:11:06,300
Uh, no.
296
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,467
Let me see your eyes.
297
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,300
Can you please
take those off,
298
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,501
so I can see your eyes,
299
00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:13,434
so I can believe you
for two seconds?
300
00:11:13,534 --> 00:11:15,400
Okay, so we can
do this the easy way
301
00:11:15,501 --> 00:11:17,300
or we can do this
the hard way.
302
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,501
Is there anything you want to
tell me about in your pockets
303
00:11:19,601 --> 00:11:22,067
or elsewhere on your body
before I frisk you?
304
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:24,667
Or you wanna just admit
to it right now at your...
305
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:25,934
I mean,
I don't really...
306
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:27,534
Any weapons I should
know about?
307
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:29,033
Cards.
308
00:11:29,133 --> 00:11:30,501
Put it on the top
of the car.
309
00:11:30,601 --> 00:11:32,167
One of my balls.
310
00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:34,133
Silk.
311
00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:36,000
On top of the car,
please.
312
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,200
There's your other ball.
313
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,467
( Coughing )
314
00:11:39,567 --> 00:11:41,634
I was a magician's assistant
for many years,
315
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,234
and that's gross.
316
00:11:43,334 --> 00:11:45,133
We're not gonna talk
about that now.
317
00:11:45,234 --> 00:11:46,901
Just put that
on top of the car.
318
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,100
Let's get this going...
rubber chicken.
319
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,267
It's... it's...
It's a...
320
00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:54,367
On top of the car,
I don't want your...
321
00:11:54,467 --> 00:11:56,200
I don't want
your crotch flowers.
322
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:57,601
On top of the car!
323
00:11:57,701 --> 00:12:00,033
( Coughing )
324
00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:01,734
Ahh!
325
00:12:01,834 --> 00:12:02,868
And that's all I got,
ma'am.
326
00:12:02,968 --> 00:12:04,767
Now, you've wasted
a lot of time.
327
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,467
Are you sure
there's nothing else?
328
00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:07,901
Nothing you wanna tell me,
huh?
329
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,467
Nothing you
wanna tell me?
330
00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:11,601
Rock cocaine,
a little rock cocaine.
331
00:12:11,701 --> 00:12:13,567
Huh?
Huh?
332
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:17,467
Oh, wasting my time,
and now I'm annoyed.
333
00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:19,734
All right,
you're going to jail.
334
00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:21,067
No, no, it's not ...
335
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:22,400
No, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
336
00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:23,934
This isn't gonna work
with me, ma'am.
337
00:12:24,033 --> 00:12:25,334
This isn't gonna...
338
00:12:25,434 --> 00:12:26,901
I'm telling you,
it's not gonna work.
339
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,634
Get in the car.
340
00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:31,033
Get in the car,
and you better cooperate.
341
00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:32,834
You want your watch back?
342
00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:34,067
Get in the car!
343
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,000
Here, you can have
your watch back.
344
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,200
Thank you!
You're welcome.
345
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:38,601
Nice!
Unh-unh!
346
00:12:38,701 --> 00:12:39,968
Go that way, pal.
347
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:41,234
Unh-unh.
348
00:12:41,334 --> 00:12:43,467
( Jones ) Under reconstruction
over here, okay?
349
00:12:43,567 --> 00:12:45,300
Keep going.
350
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:50,501
I don't think there
was any real reason
351
00:12:50,601 --> 00:12:52,267
for Jones to hit Garcia,
352
00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:54,801
'cause Garcia's a man who's
already down, you know?
353
00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:57,767
Garcia ain't got, uh, uh...
354
00:12:57,868 --> 00:13:00,033
Friends.
355
00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:02,300
He lives in a little ( Bleep )
apartment.
356
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,601
He, uh, don't have
no family that I know of.
357
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:11,267
He, uh, ain't got no taste,
he's racist, he's a sexist.
358
00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:14,701
He's a lying,
bigot, horse's ass.
359
00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:16,567
I think, uh, you know,
hitting him
360
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:20,300
is just throwing ( Bleep )
on top of a big ( Bleep ) pile
361
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,501
that's already got too much
( Bleep ) in it.
362
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:25,033
Jones can't...
He can't quit.
363
00:13:25,133 --> 00:13:26,901
He just can't.
Absolutely not.
364
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,367
He's the glue
holding our...
365
00:13:30,467 --> 00:13:35,200
We're like a little,
badly made birdhouse.
366
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:38,400
I mean, the only thing holding
this birdhouse together
367
00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:39,601
is Jones.
368
00:13:39,701 --> 00:13:41,601
You two are not...
You are not her mother.
369
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:44,267
They have,
like, a show where...
370
00:13:44,367 --> 00:13:46,200
Hey.
Hey!
371
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:47,901
Y'all driving
that green Honda ?
372
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,567
You about to get a ticket
'cause I'm about to write it.
373
00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:53,501
Take care, Kim,
I got your number, okay?
374
00:13:53,601 --> 00:13:55,033
Hey, how you doin'?
375
00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:56,734
I got your number.
376
00:13:56,834 --> 00:14:00,334
Hey, what you got?
Something smells good.
377
00:14:00,434 --> 00:14:01,534
I thought
you might be hungry.
378
00:14:01,634 --> 00:14:03,701
Had some meatloaf
last night, bam!
379
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:07,701
Mmm!
That's Raineesha's meatloaf.
380
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:09,534
That's what that is.
381
00:14:09,634 --> 00:14:11,200
Ask Raineesha
what this is.
382
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,534
What is it?
383
00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:14,534
It's a little gift
for your desk
384
00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:17,634
when you come on back, huh?
385
00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,934
Rae, I'm not gonna...
I'm not...
386
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,434
I'm not coming back.
387
00:14:21,534 --> 00:14:23,100
What you mean you're not
coming back?
388
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,667
Why?
389
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:26,367
Look at where I am.
390
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:28,901
I am having a great time
out here.
391
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,300
I'm out in God's country.
392
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,834
I'm giving back
to the community.
393
00:14:32,934 --> 00:14:35,033
The children are our future,
394
00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:37,300
and I am giving back
to the community.
395
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,000
Come on, now,
come on, now.
396
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,267
You come on back,
397
00:14:40,367 --> 00:14:42,634
I'm gonna give you
your present now as incentive.
398
00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:44,534
Bam!
399
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,434
All about Raineesha,
huh?
400
00:14:46,534 --> 00:14:48,133
She took it right here, unh!
401
00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:51,534
I know you needs
to see that, huh?
402
00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:53,334
Holler,
you come on back.
403
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,901
You think about that.
404
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,100
Okay, all right,
thank you, Rae.
405
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,167
All right, I'll see you
when you get back.
406
00:14:59,267 --> 00:15:00,834
I'm not coming back.
407
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,734
My job as an officer
408
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:10,400
is to make sure
you kids are safe.
409
00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:14,868
But truth be told,
I can't be everywhere at once.
410
00:15:14,968 --> 00:15:17,868
I don't care if you're wearing
a short skirt.
411
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,901
I don't care
if you're wearing dungarees.
412
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,200
I don't care if you smell bad.
413
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,367
I don't care
if you're fun to be around.
414
00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:28,868
But you can be rest assured
that every one of you
415
00:15:28,968 --> 00:15:31,167
at some point...
416
00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:32,801
Is gonna raped.
417
00:15:32,901 --> 00:15:36,534
It happens, hey...
I'm not happy about it,
418
00:15:36,634 --> 00:15:41,567
but there is some good news.
419
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:43,834
Can you imagine... you go to
your doctor and you say,
420
00:15:43,934 --> 00:15:45,033
"I've been raped,"
421
00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:47,000
and he goes, "oh my God,
that's horrible,"
422
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:50,267
and then he says,
"but guess what?
423
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:52,200
"Pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow...
424
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,067
"You're pregnant...
425
00:15:55,167 --> 00:15:58,100
And you're having
triplets."
426
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,734
Oh my God!
427
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,334
And then I go,
"oh my God,"
428
00:16:02,434 --> 00:16:03,901
and I freak out
and I call everybody.
429
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,968
That didn't happen to me.
430
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:07,234
That hasn't happened
to me, yet.
431
00:16:13,634 --> 00:16:16,467
( Spraying mouth spray )
432
00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:19,033
You girls
should be in school.
433
00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:21,000
Hey, bud!
434
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,767
Hey.
Hey.
435
00:16:23,868 --> 00:16:25,367
Uh, sorry, excuse me.
436
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:27,734
Miss carver,
this is lieutenant dangle.
437
00:16:27,834 --> 00:16:31,267
Dangle,
this is miss carver.
438
00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:34,200
She teaches algebra
at the high school.
439
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,634
Um...
440
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:40,467
Yes...
Yes, she does.
441
00:16:42,934 --> 00:16:45,067
Um...
442
00:16:47,434 --> 00:16:50,501
I got you a bear.
443
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:53,300
( In childish voice )
"Come back, Jones."
444
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,334
Listen,
I feel like an asshole,
445
00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:57,000
take the bear,
take it.
446
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,400
I feel like a ( Bleep ).
447
00:16:59,501 --> 00:17:01,734
No, I feel
like an asshole.
448
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,534
I appreciate it.
449
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:06,000
Yeah, good luck with algebra,
by the way.
450
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:18,200
Oh God, my bike,
oh, ( Bleep ) me!
451
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:20,501
People are ( Bleep )!
452
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:22,834
I was there
for two minutes.
453
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,200
You better not be laughing
at me!
454
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:26,200
( Dangle )
You're all accessories!
455
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,067
Every one of you's
an accessory!
456
00:17:33,868 --> 00:17:35,667
Hey, look at this
son of a bitch.
457
00:17:35,767 --> 00:17:37,467
Look at this guy.
458
00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:39,934
That poor ( Bleep ),
looks like a milk shake.
459
00:17:40,033 --> 00:17:41,501
( Can clanks )
460
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:42,534
Why'd you throw
that at him?
461
00:17:42,634 --> 00:17:43,767
What?
462
00:17:43,868 --> 00:17:45,334
Poor son of a bitch out there
being a sandwich board.
463
00:17:45,434 --> 00:17:46,767
I don't know
why you have to be a dick.
464
00:17:46,868 --> 00:17:47,734
What?
465
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:48,667
The guy's out there,
466
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:49,767
he's probably making
like $3 an hour
467
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:51,100
to stand there
dressed up like a ( Bleep ).
468
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,567
( Bleep ) You!
You ( Bleep )!
469
00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:54,334
Hey!
That son of a bitch.
470
00:17:54,434 --> 00:17:57,000
Run... you run,
( Bleep ) Run!
471
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:58,400
Get down!
472
00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:01,767
Son of a bitch,
you better run, ( Bleep )!
473
00:18:01,868 --> 00:18:03,434
Freeze!
Freeze!
474
00:18:03,534 --> 00:18:06,100
Freeze, ( Bleep )!
475
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,634
Yeah, you think you're tough ?!
You think you're funny ?!
476
00:18:08,734 --> 00:18:10,634
Do you think you're funny?
Do you think you're funny?
477
00:18:10,734 --> 00:18:11,934
Who's funny now,
milk shake ?!
478
00:18:12,033 --> 00:18:15,367
Huh, huh ?!
Huh ?!
479
00:18:15,467 --> 00:18:17,601
Turn that thing off.
480
00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:19,167
Turn that off, now.
481
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:20,601
You're not rolling, now,
are you?
482
00:18:20,701 --> 00:18:22,300
( Milk shake crying )
483
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,100
Huh?
484
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:32,501
You're off, right?
485
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:34,267
( Milk shake crying )
486
00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:36,100
Ow!
487
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,734
( Crying )
488
00:18:39,834 --> 00:18:42,434
Oh, help,
I can't get out!
489
00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:45,467
Help me!
490
00:18:45,567 --> 00:18:48,434
I'm stuck in here!
491
00:18:48,534 --> 00:18:50,000
Bye, Amber,
we'll see you.
492
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:52,067
Have a good weekend,
okay, guys?
493
00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:03,968
Hey...
494
00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:07,100
How's it going, Jones?
495
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:12,133
I wanted to, uh,
just say that I'm an idiot.
496
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,434
I was a real jackelope.
497
00:19:15,534 --> 00:19:17,801
I got caught up
in the heat of a joke,
498
00:19:17,901 --> 00:19:20,133
and bad things happened,
499
00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:25,601
and, uh, everybody down at
the station, uh, misses you.
500
00:19:25,701 --> 00:19:29,901
I miss you, and, uh...
I would really like it
501
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:35,167
if we could be friends
or partners again, and...
502
00:19:35,267 --> 00:19:39,267
I wanted to make amends,
503
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:42,868
so I brought you
something to eat.
504
00:19:42,968 --> 00:19:46,567
Thank you.
505
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:47,968
Thank you,
I know that was real hard
506
00:19:48,067 --> 00:19:49,667
for you to say...
507
00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:51,634
I did that right.
508
00:19:56,267 --> 00:19:58,467
This is fried chicken
and malt liquor.
509
00:20:06,234 --> 00:20:07,467
I'll take off.
510
00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:10,100
Yeah, yeah,
I think you should...
511
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,968
Okay...
512
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,400
Should I take it?
No.
513
00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:48,934
( Junior ) What the hell
is a pap smear, anyway?
514
00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:50,267
( Garcia )
A psychological test
515
00:20:50,367 --> 00:20:52,267
where they test what do you
see in the pap smear.
516
00:20:52,367 --> 00:20:54,033
No, that's...
517
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:56,200
A pap smear is when they take
some of your female juices,
518
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:57,801
and they put it on
a clear glass thing,
519
00:20:57,901 --> 00:20:59,000
and they put it up
to the light
520
00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:00,767
to see if you
have crabs or syphilis
521
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,167
or anything
like that.
522
00:21:02,267 --> 00:21:04,367
Female juices?
What is that?
523
00:21:04,467 --> 00:21:06,868
You don't need no pap smear
to know if you have crabs.
524
00:21:06,968 --> 00:21:08,734
You know you got crabs.
525
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,334
You got the galloping
dandruff going on.
526
00:21:10,434 --> 00:21:12,667
I can't eat for a week, now,
thank you.
527
00:21:12,767 --> 00:21:14,968
Good, then we won't
have to smell
528
00:21:15,067 --> 00:21:16,701
your ( Bleep )
taco farts every day.
529
00:21:16,751 --> 00:21:21,301
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