All language subtitles for Remington Steele s04e13 Suburban Steele.eng

This is most exciting honor,
to visit office of Remington Steele.

He's got the airplane, a 707- crash.

- Sure the kids are all right?
- They couldn't be in better hands.

- Pizza!
- Holy Pete.

- And these must be the Hibachi brothers.
- Yes, indeed.

American car chase!

- Bless you!
- We are not P.I.'s for nothing.

- Homework?
- Check.

- Homework?
- Check.

- No homework.
- Check. Donald?

- We're leaving for carpool.
- All right, sweetheart.

- Now you take it easy today. Okay?
- Oh, I-I'm fine.

- Everything is just fine.
- That's my girl.

Oh, honey, don't forget
to dump the garbage.

- Have I ever let you down, Frances?
- No.

Bye-bye.

- Thank you, Mrs. Piper! Bye!
- Okay.

Thank you. Bye-bye, honey.

- I love you. Bye, Mom.
- Bye.

- Holy Pete!
- What is it, Daniel?

- I forgot my lunch.
- I handed it to you in the kitchen.

- What happened to it?
- I don't know.

All right. All right. Go on to class,
and I'll just drop it by later.

- Thanks, Mom.
- Okay. Okay, keep that tooth up, honey.

- Yes?
- I-

Oh, my God.!

- We're off, Mildred.
- 'Fraid not, hon.

Your sister. Again!

- I just left.
- Ah, now, Laura-

I know. She's my sister.

But she has called every hour on the hour
since she came to California.

- It's only been three weeks.
- The longest three weeks of my life.

The woman can't go to the grocery store
without creating a crisis.

Laura, I really think you're being
a bit unfair about all of this.

Really? Does your sister
see U.F.O.'s at midnight?

Does your sister mistake
sparrows for vampire bats?

To the best of my knowledge,
I don't have a sister.

- That isn't the point.
- Well-

I gotta go with Miss Holt
on this one, chief. Honest.

- Frances is a kook.
- Look, there are 500 criminologists...

waiting to hear you deliver
the keynote address...

at the East-West Convention, and I will not
have my sister's neuroses get in the way.

Look, she's merely having trouble
adjusting to Southern California.

Uh-huh. You want to
fine-tune Frances. Terrific.

I've run out of patience. The limo is
leaving in two minutes with or without you.

Hey.

Laura. Hey, look.

Oh.

Ah, hi. Frances?

Yeah, it's me. Mr. Steele. Um-

She's- She's- She's
detained at the moment.

- Can I be of any assistance?
- There's a dead man in my kitchen.

Uh, really? Anyone you know?

Um, I-look, where are you now?

Okay. Well, uh, we'll be right over.

Okay. Sit tight. Don't worry. Yes.

She's just a little bit upset.
That's all.

- What about the convention?
- Uh, yeah. Good thought.

Ah, the convention.
Ah, Mildred, ah-

I'm afraid you'll
have to stall them. Okay?

You got it, chief.

- This is a strange route.
- Just a brief detour.

Fred, turn left up here, mate.

- That station wagon is awfully familiar.
- Mm-hmm.

Benedict Arnold.

- I don't know if I can take this.
- It's all right, Frances.

He's- He's right over here. He-

Oh, my God!

Now stay calm, Frances.

It was here! There was
a body on my kitchen floor.

And there was fl-flour everywhere.

Was that before or after the U.F.O. landed?

- Well, you believe me, don't you, Mr. Steele?
- Oh, absolutely.

Laura?

Laura?

- Frances-
- We are talking about a real...

live, dead person, who was in my kitchen
half an hour ago.

I saw him.
He was here.

The move to California has been
very difficult for you, Frances.

The move to California
has nothing to do with it.

I'm over that!

I know how important the teaching
position at USC is to Donald.

Even though it meant giving up
my- my beautiful home in Connecticut...

and all my friends
at the, uh, Junior League...

and scarring
the children emotionally.

Sacrifice.

That's what being
a wife is all about.

And I am completely well-adjusted to it.

Now get me out of this house!

- Oh.
- Frances.

This is most exciting honor
to visit office of Remington Steele.

Don't mention it, fellas. Right this way.

Here we go.

The martian's coming on, and he's got
the airplane, a big Boeing 707-

- Oh!
- Crash!

Oh, my God! Boss?

Ah- Oh. Yes, Mildred?

Uh, w-what is it? Just doing a little
developmental psychology work-

Oops. There you go.

- Boss, I would like you to meet Mr. Harimoto-
- Ah-ha.

Mr. Itazuru and Mr. Takahomo.

- Hi.
- Three leading criminologists ofJapan.

Great, ha. Ah!
Yes, the convention.

Mildred Krebs delivered
most exciting speech.

Uh-huh? I thought
I told you to stall.

Well, how long
can you stall, chief?

I was not aware she solved
Hapsburg Dagger case.

- Most impressive.
- Yes.

Something must have
gotten lost in translation.

However, not as impressive as
the case of the Maltese Cross.

Mildred Krebs, you are one clever P.I.

Seems a great deal
got lost in the translation, eh?

Oh, boys, would you
like to see Mr. Steele's office?

So, come on. Follow me.
Here we go.

- Yeah. Nice to meet you. Okay?
- Here we go.

- Shh.
- Most educational tour.

Oh, ah, distraught client. Follow me, fellas.

Mildred, hey. Frances.

I'm sorry.

This is the supply room!
Come on. Here we go.

Here's the water cooler
and the copy machine.

Ah! Toshiba!

- What- M-Mildred, what in blazes!
- Oh, boss!

They're big fans of yours.
And they were dying to see your office.

I couldn't say no after all the wonderful
things I said about you and Miss Holt.

Oh, that's very gracious of you, Mildred.
Hey, gentlemen, gentlemen.

Operative Krebs here
has graciously offered...

to personally host your grand tour
of the City of Angels.

- What about that, eh?
- Mildred-san-

- Yeah. Mildred!
- Mildred.

Oh, wait a minute!
What am I gonna do with them?

- You're the clever P.I. You'll
think of something. - But boss-

Good day, guys. Bye.
Naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty.

- Ah.
- Come along, children. We are going home.

- Frances.
- Ah, splendid, you got her to calm down.

- She means Connecticut.
- Oh.

- Danny, grab your tooth. Let's go.
- Frances, honey, be reasonable.

I am reasonable.
It is California that is unreasonable.

Frances, you're tired.
You're upset.

Don't patronize me, Laura.
I am your older sister.

- I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
- Don't apologize. No need.

I- I'm sure it's just temporary.

You know, we need time together,
alone, away from the kids and-

I just- I don't know how
we can swing it right now.

Ladies, ladies, listen.
Hold up a second here. Hold up.

I have a proposition to make.

Here we are, just you and me.

It's kinda nice, having an evening alone
for a change. Don't you think?

No kids. No worries.

- I never should have agreed to this.
- Frances, the kids are fine.

- They're fine.
- That house is not safe, Donald.

Remember? Remember what happened
the last time we stayed here?

- Don't touch me, Donald!
- Hah? Frannie.

Now, now, Frances.

- You don't believe me, do you?
- Of course I believe you, lamb chops.

If you say a man died in our kitchen,
a man died in our kitchen.

You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

No. There are much better ways
of making you feel better.

- Like what?
- Like, uh-

Donald, you are an animal!

No, and you love every minute of it,
you little vixen!

- Come here.
- Are you sure the kids are all right?

They couldn't be in better hands.

Ouch!

Danny, put your sister dow- Dan-
Put your sister down, will ya?

Put her down. Thank you.

Here. Mm!

Would you kindly remind me
what we are doing here?

Huh? Well, to put it simply, Miss Holt,
unless we can convince Frances...

beyond a shadow of a doubt
that nothing's amiss in Tarzana...

we might have to start a day care center
here on a permanent basis.

- Why this sudden concern about my family?
- Huh?

I just want to help. That's all.

- Here you go.
- Dinner's ready!

Do you have to shriek like that
the whole time? Here we go, chaps.

All right. Sit down. Look what
Auntie Laura has made for us.

Doesn't this look scrumptious, eh? Eh?

- Holy Pete!
- Danny, don't play with your food.

Mommy's spaghetti
doesn't look like this.

Ah, that's because this is special spaghetti.
Here you go.

Let me have a mouthful of this, hmm?

Mmm. Mmm.

- Oh, yummy, yummy.
- I think I'm allergic to special spaghetti.

- Me too.
- Me too.

- What's for dessert?
- What about, um, pizza!

Yeah!

Aah! Pizza! Here we go.
What kind of pizza?

- Pepperoni!
- Sausage!

- Pineapple!
- Pineapple.

Okay. Pepperoni,
sausage and pineapple!

- Anything for you, Miss Holt?
- I think I'll have my spaghetti, thank you.

I think I'm allergic to toast.

Oh! All right.

Then you can have some cereal! Yea!

- I hate cereal.
- It's good for you. It has fiber!

- Can I be excused?
- Me too?

- All right, but we leave in five minutes.
- Morning.

Morning. Morning. Morning.

- So good of you to join us, Mr. Steele.
- Oh, thank you.

I slept like the proverbial baby.

Ah, the charred remains
of breakfast, I see.

You're the gourmet cook. Why didn't you get
up at the crack of dawn and fix breakfast?

Ah, it's all spelled out in the master plan.

Morning chores:
Mummy cooks breakfast;

Mummy drives carpool;
Daddy dumps the garbage.

Mustn't confuse the role models,
Miss Holt. Children at that tender age.

All right.
I'll take the children to school.

You dump the garbage.

Then we're getting out of this zoo.

Danny! Come on.

- Bye, children!
- Bye.

Bye-bye! Bye-bye.

Holy Pete!

Oh, I knew all we needed
was a little time alone...

a little time to talk things over,
a little time to-

Ah, Frannie, Frannie.

Oh, my God!

I leave you alone for five minutes,
and look what happens.

Mmm.

Frances, it appears that someone,
most likely the killer...

trailed the victim
and dumped him in your trash.

Killer? You're saying that
there was a killer in my kitchen?

Only long enough
to clean up, Frances.

If we're right, it would be mere coincidence
that the dead body ended up in your house.

Precisely. The man was shot nearby and
merely chose your linoleum to expire on.

You probably have
nothing to worry about.

Oh, that's easy for you to say, Laura.

How can Donald teach at a time like this?

- You insisted he go!
- Well, he didn't have to listen to me.

- No word yet on the dead man's I.D.
- Hi.

Mildred, what are they doing here?

I thought I'd take 'em to the Polo Lounge
for lunch before they catch their plane.

Admirable sentiment, Mildred.
You know, hands across the sea and all that.

But we're gonna need you to find out
who this dead man is.

- Try Felix Melcher.
- Bumpers?

- Krebs!
- Oh!

- What are you doing here?
- I'm at headquarters now on special assignment.

- Oh.
- Mildred, who-who is this man?

- Ah, Harrison Bumpers.
- I.R.S. fraud squad.

Krebbie and I go way back.

Well, we're very delighted for both of you,
but, uh, what about this dead man?

His name was Felix Melcher.
He was on a deep-cover assignment...

trying to nail a snake
by the name ofTed Warner.

The same Ted Warner that
used to operate on the East Coast?

Good memory, Krebbie.
Why, uh, you haven't lost a step.

Who is this Ted Warner?

King of the pyramid schemes. Always folds
his tent before the government moves in.

- What is he doing out here?
- He surfaced a year ago...

with an outfit called
Bright Age Cosmetics.

And this time, he got greedy.
He didn't fold when he should have.

We slipped Melcher in as an accountant,
hoping to find evidence...

- for tax evasion, at the very least.
- Obviously he found something.

Yeah. Melcher called me
a couple of days ago.

We were supposed to meet.

- He didn't make it.
- How did he end up on my sister's floor?

Your guess is as good as mine.

The sales force for Bright Age is
composed entirely of housewives.

You don't happen to work
for Bright Age, do you, ma'am?

Housewives in Connecticut do not
sell cosmetics. We give bridge parties.

Uh-huh.

Uh, we believe that,
uh, Warner's keepin' two sets of books.

Maybe that's
what Melcher was onto.

You can certainly count on the Remington
Steele Agency on this, Mr. Bumpers.

- We can?
- Absolutely.

- We can?
- Absolutely.

Gentlemen, come in, come in.

Ah. Mr. Warner.
Watney Chambers, investment counselor.

Well, pleased to have received
your call, Mr. Chambers.

- And these must be the Hibachi brothers.
- Yes, indeed.

These gentlemen jetted in this morning
to discuss the possibility...

of launching Bright Age in the Orient.

And, uh, how many zeros
does this possibility have?

Mm, half a dozen, but
these chaps are rather finicky.

They like to examine an investment
from the bottom up.

Mmm. Gentlemen.

What do you say we take a tour
of the facilities to set the ball rolling?

A most welcome invitation.

- Coming, Mr. Chambers?
- No, I don't want to horn in.

These gentlemen are used to only
dealing with the head honcho.

Understood... and appreciated.
This way, gentlemen.

Oh, my God. You're slipping.
You're slipping.

- Well?
- These books are cleaner than I remember 'em.

It's a dead end, boss.
From these figures...

there's nothing wrong
with Bright Age Cosmetics.

You mean, we went through
all that for nothing?

Oh, no problem, Mr. Steele.

It was a fascinating tour
in a thoroughly modern facility.

- Everything tip-top.
- Yeah, thank you.

We all know Felix Melcher wasn't
murdered for having clean books.

There has to be something wrong
with Bright Age.

- But what?
- I tried the back door.

Miss Holt, you try the front.

Wait a minute.
This is a government matter.

The government could use
a little help now, Miss Holt.

Oh, come on, hon.
You can't let Uncle Sam down.

Well, since I've been called to colors-

Laura, you can't leave me alone.

- All right. Frances and I will try the front door.
- Mmm.

- Krebbie and I will recheck these numbers.
- Splendid! Meanwhile, I'm just-

Could you be an angel and pick up
Donald at the university?

- His car broke down this morning.
- Mmm.

Be an angel.

Hi!

- Hello.
- How do you know all these people?

Oh, carpool, P.T.A., Little League.

It's a full plate, Laura.

Excuse me.

Frances Piper.
We didn't see you in aerobics yesterday.

I had unexpected company.

I'm Laura Holt, Frances's sister.

I'm Judy Bartlett,
Frances's next-door neighbor.

So glad you could join our little family.

I- I don't suppose you can
make any money doing this?

Let me tell you.

We are putting my son through college
on my commissions alone.

- Really?
- And the best part of it is...

you don't have to invest
a dime of your own money.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Good afternoon, ladies ofTarzana.

I'm Ted Warner.

And this is Bright Age!

Do you know why Bright Age is one of the
fastest-growing companies in the world today?

- Why, Ted?
- We have the best sales force in the country!

- And you know why?
- Why, Ted?

Because nobody knows
the American housewife better...

than the American housewife!

Give yourself a hand!

Now I'd like to introduce Terry Goldblume,
your leading Lavender Lady.

So let's give Terry
a big Bright Age welcome.

Come on, everybody!

She's my other next-door neighbor.

Now, I know what you're thinking.
How did Terry do it?

How did she wind up
with that brand new car?

Well, ladies, I'm here to tell you
that I am just like you.

I'm a housewife. I drive carpool.

I clean the oven.
Do you hear what I'm saying?

- I hear ya!
- Yeah!

Of course, it didn't hurt that she was
playing around with the head accountant.

- The one who died?
- Mm-hmm.

If I can do it, you can do it too!

Let's hear it for Ted Warner!
Let's hear it for Bright Age!

- We need to talk, Doc.
- Why? I'm running a little late.

- Come back during office hours tomorrow.
- I'm afraid this can't keep.

Just a brief stop to pick up
Miss Holt's brother-in-law.

Then we'll be on our way to the airport. Okay?

Get in the car!

Slight detour, gentlemen.

- Follow that car, mate.
- All right! American car chase!

You're lookin' at one hell
of a lawsuit, fella.

In addition to criminal charges...

you're lookin' at civil damages
gonna make your head swim.

Dr. Piper. Relax.

We don't care why you took out Melcher.
We just want what he was carrying.

How many times have
I gotta tell you?

I'm a dentist.
I'm not a- a hit man.

Yeah, and I'm Little Bo Peep.

Let me loosen him up
just a little bit, huh?

Hey, the doc's
a professional man.

- He'll listen to reason.
- The man just happened to end up in my trash.

Is that my fault?

Actually, earlier he was
on the kitchen floor.

Then my wife went to make a phone call
to her sister. When she got back-

Doc! I don't care.

I didn't kill him.
I don't even know him.

- You're confusing me with another dentist.
- Right this way, gentlemen.

- Please. In you come.
- Hey, what the hell is this?

A routine inspection.

Sayonara, gentlemen.

- He had a gun.
- I noticed. Come on.

Come on, Donald. Come on.! Jump.!

- I oughta stuck with the jogging.
- Come on, Donald! Come on!

Jump.

Beverly Hills Cop.
Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold.

Paramount, 1984.

A wealthy industrialist smuggles bearer
bonds concealed in shipping crates.

What are you talking about?

Start ripping.

Welcome to
the wonderful world...

of Bright Age Cosmetics.

This is Frances's
very first house party...

so let's give her
a big Bright Age hand.

Thank you all for coming
on such short notice.

I'm sorry the place is such a mess.

- Oh, we need more cookies.
- Oh, I'll get them. You go right ahead.

You're gonna do just fine.

Girls, I want to talk
to you woman-to-woman...

about looking good for your man.

It all starts with...

Lavender Luster Creme.

Is this company really
as good as they say?

Oh, you better believe it, honey.

- You married?
- I, uh-

Oh, you're divorced, aren't you?

- Well, I-
- Hey listen, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I mean, who isn't these days?

My husband?
Gone with the wind.

No alimony, no child support.

It is really tough trying to put
food on the table and raise two kids.

- I don't know how we do it.
- Bright Age has turned my life around, Laura.

And you'll see,
it'll do the same for you.

Ted Warner is a savior
for women like us.

I heard what happened
to your boyfriend.

I- It must have been a terrible shock.

I guess I'm meant to be
on my own a little while longer.

At least, uh, I have my work.

- What have you got?
- Mud packs.

- How 'bout you?
- Skin cleanser.

No microchips, no bearer bonds.

Just cosmetics.

So much for the smuggling theory.

It was a good idea anyway.

- Oh, gee.
- What's so funny?

Besides being scared to death, almost being
shot and having no idea what's going on-

This is the most excitement
I've had since college.

Except this is-This is probably
really routine stuff for you, right?

One never gets used to the idea
of imminent death, Donald.

I see your point.

But still, it must be something.
I mean, being Remington Steele.

Man of action,
always in the thick of danger.

- You think so?
- Are you kidding?

Come on, what a life!

The greatest risk I run
is being bitten by a patient.

No. I admire you, Steele.
I really, really do.

You know, the funny thing is...

- I admire you.
- Me?

Uh-huh. Because you made
a commitment to one person.

- Well, to four people, in fact.
- I don't know.

There's days when I reach
that freeway off-ramp...

I wanna just keep right on driving.

But you don't.

And that makes you more of
a hero in my way of thinking.

I think we've, uh, reached
the end of the line here.

Just act natural.

Quality Control. Everything appears to be
in order. Carry on, gentlemen.

Don't look back, Donald.
Never look back.

- They're following us.
- In that case, run!

That's it. We've been over
this thing a million times.

- Let's go get some dinner.
- Not until we find something.

We were quite a team,
weren't we, Krebbie?

That was a long time ago.

Well, maybe you better
get your books audited again.

Oh!

- Anything, Mildred?
- Zilch. What about you?

Just a roomful of satisfied customers.

Now I may not be a detective, but I don't
think there's anything wrong with Bright Age.

It seems like a perfectly
wonderful company to me.

- Tell that to Felix Melcher.
- Don't be alarmed. I'm fine. I'm fine.

- Don't be alarmed, all right?
- Donald, what's wrong?

- Where's Mr. Steele?
- Oh, well, he popped home to change.

We took an unexpected tour
of West Covina.

- Why?
- We had to. The man had a gun.

- My Donald at gunpoint?
- Nah, nah, simple kidnapping.

Nothing to be excited about.

- I thought you were going to the airport.
- This case most engrossing.

And we can always
catch another plane.

We must be overlooking something.

A man has been killed,
Donald has been kidnapped...

and there's apparently nothing
wrong with Bright Age Cosmetics.

- It's not a pyramid scheme.
- It's not a smuggling operation either.

The men who abducted me-They insisted
Melcher was carrying something.

- Evidence, most likely.
- But what?

It would help if we could
identify the kidnappers.

Excuse me, but we took pictures.

- At the warehouse?
- Your One Hour Photo is very fast.

- Bless you, Mr. -
- Harimoto.

- Harimoto.
- We are not P.I.'s for nothing.

Johnny Carson home very impressive.

Could you, uh-

- Whoa, that's him! That's him right there.
- Let me see that.

Vince Delgado. Hired gun.

- What about that other man?
- Alan Hackston.

- What about that other man?
- Alan Hackston.

- Top money man for the mob out here.
- You're kidding!

- The mob?
- In Tarzana?

Frances, there's something I want to say.

- I want you to know-
- You don't have to say anything, Laura.

- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't.

Frances, will you please let
your little sister apologize?

I'm sorry that I didn't
believe you earlier.

- I suppose it wasn't very fair of me.
- No, it wasn't.

- I'm not used to being wrong.
- Especially when I'm right.

Why is it we tend to bring out
the worst in each other?

We were always competitive, Laura.

I know we were, Frances, but what
are we competing about today?

- Who's right maybe.
- Right about what?

To get married
or to pursue a career.

Why does either one
of us have to be right?

Don't you think I'd like to have
a family of my own someday?

I'm just like any other woman out there,
trying to make the pieces fit.

I thought you had all the answers, Laura.
You always act that way.

Come on, Frances.
That's not true.

You're just so afraid
I'll look down on your lifestyle.

You spend all your time with me either
complaining how hard it is to be a good mother...

or trying to convince me
I'm missing something.

Well-

The fact is, neither one of us
has got it all together.

- I don't know anyone who does.
- Really?

Really.

What a relief.

- Oh, Terry, come in.
- I was in the neighborhood...

so I thought I would
drop your check off.

- Oh, how thoughtful of you.
- Well, we like to keep our sales force smiling.

I didn't know your sister was here.
I have one for you too, Frances.

Oh! I've never gotten
a paycheck before.

There's lots more where that came from.
Just keep up the good work.

I'll see you at the awards ceremony tonight.

- We wouldn't miss it. Thanks so much, Terry.
- Mm-hmm.

This is terrific!

- Laura, I made $200.
- That isn't right.

Oh now, don't be a spoilsport, Laura.

But you didn't sell
that much more in cosmetics.

That's right.
It's almost too good to be true!

That's it!

Congratulations, Frances.
You've just solved the case!

I did? Does this mean
I have to give the money back?

Papa Bear to Mama Bear. Report.

- Mama's ready.
- Uncle Bear?

- Set.
- Baby Bears?

Ready to roll, big guy.

Are-Are you sure
this is really necessary?

Donald, unless you want to look over your
shoulder every time you leave the front door...

we're gonna have to get these chaps
right now, okay, so just- pfft!

Bandit at 4:00.

Flower truck.
Looks like we've bagged 'em.

False alarm.
He's making a delivery next door.

Well, it's up to you, old man.

Now remember, they can't shoot you
unless they've got the evidence.

- Okay?
- I don't have the evidence.

You see? You've got absolutely
nothing to worry about.

Go get the morning paper.

Go fetch. Breathe.

To think I risked my life for this rag.

Huh? Oh.

Hmm. Oh.

Mama Bear to Papa Bear.
I think we got a live one.

All right. Here we go, mate.
Here we go.

No, wait a minute, wait a minute.
That's not our mailman.

- Are you sure?
- Right. Our guy doesn't come until 3:00.

In the kitchen. Come on.
Here, take the paper. Read the funnies.

Ah, Mildred? Mildred, pull out.
Okay? Pull out now.

- Harimoto?
- We got him.

Closing in, Steele.

Get him!

- Nice try, but we saw you coming a mile away.
- Postage due?

Very likely story.
Where's the real postman?

He retired. Yesterday.
I'm the new guy.

Call in if you don't believe me.

Well-Well, uh,
welcome to the neighborhood.

We're very possessive about our
postal employees. That's all. Okay?

Here you go. Have a nice day
and take care of yourself.

- Thank you.
- Okay. Bye-bye. Cheerio! Bye-bye.

Donald, you can come out now!

Let me out.

Hey, open up.! Open up.! Someone-

Laura!

All right, back off.
Just a sec-Just a second.

There you go. Icy calm. Now, listen.
What's going on here, mate?

Bright Age cosmetics
launders money for the mob.

- Felix Melcher found out, so you killed him.
- Baloney!

I'll admit I was supposed to kill him,
but Piper beat me to it.

- I keep telling you, I'm a dentist.
- Go on.

I waited all night for Melcher to show up
at his girlfriend's house, but he never did.

- I don't believe you.
- Hey, we're professionals, huh?

We take a certain pride in our work.
Nothin' sloppy, no loose ends.

If we made the hit,
you think you'd ever find the body?

Laura, the man does have a point.

If he didn't kill Felix Melcher, then who did?

Thank you. Thank you all.

And now, it gives me great pleasure to
present our Lavender Lady of the Year...

to our very own Terry Goldblume!

I hate to break up the parties, ladies,
but this man here is a fraud!

Bright Age Cosmetics is nothing more
than a front for organized crime!

I- I don't know what he's
talking about, ladies.

You have been used to launder millions
of dollars' worth of illegal activities.

How do you think Ted could
afford to keep you so happy?

Where do you think those
hefty bonus checks come from?

You didn't earn them.
You didn't sell enough to earn them.

Warner has been
inflating your receipts...

to account for cash filtered
through his books by the mob!

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Now wait a minute.

Is there anything wrong
with our cosmetics?

- Yeah.! Yeah.!
- Uh, uh, n-no.

Actually, the cosmetics
are, uh, first-rate.

Have we done anything wrong?

- Well, technically, no, but-
- Well, then what's the problem?

- Get off the stage!
- Yeah!

Laura, these ladies are rabid.
They're gonna tear us limb from limb.

All right, so it makes no difference
where the money comes from.

Do you care that
a man has been murdered?

Felix Melcher was murdered in cold blood...

by none other than
your beloved Ted Warner!

No!

It's ridiculous. I didn't kill Melcher!
That's crazy!

Then where were you
two days ago when he was killed?

He was with me at 9:00!

- He was with me at 11:00.
- But he was with me at 12:00!

You better come with me.
You're not gonna be safe after this.

Wait a minute.! Felix Melcher
wasn't on his way...

to see you the morning
he was killed.

He was already there!

Which would account for
why he wound up on Frances's floor.

You're next-door neighbors,
if I remember correctly.

He confided in you,
told you what he'd found out.

But you didn't react
the way he expected.

You react like everyone here tonight.

You didn't want your golden bubble
to burst, so you killed him!

And then destroyed the evidence, because
he was gonna turn it over to the I.R.S.

Can't you people make up your minds? First
you're accusing Ted, and now you're accusing me.

Do you own a gun, Mrs. Goldblume?
For protection?

Can it stand a ballistics test?

Next time, keep the body
in your own kitchen.

What is she talking about?

- Say "sushi"!
- Sushi! Yea!

Thank you very much indeed. You've been
an invaluable aid to this investigation.

Okay. Next year,
you must come to Tokyo.

Yes. Yes.

Absolutely, absolutely.

- Sayonara.
- Oh, yes. Sayonara. Ha? Sayonara.

They're wonderful chaps, aren't they?
Yes.

How 'bout it, Krebbie?
What say we become a team again?

- But you're in D.C. now.
- So?

Oh. It's a tempting offer,
but I've gotta pass.

See, I started again, Harrison.

I've got new work and new friends.
This is where I belong now.

Well, I'll just take that as a postponement
and not a definite no.

You consider it anything you like.

- I'll see you, Krebbie.
- You bet.

Well, you've
done it again, Steele.

And lucky for us that Laura works
for such an understanding employer.

- Ohh, glad to be of service.
- Ohh!

This whole experience
has made me realize...

that it's time for me to go out
and do something on my own.

So, I'm going back to school.

- Hey.!
- Fran, that's wonderful!

I'm gonna be a dental hygienist.

That way, we can work together, Donald,
just like Laura and Mr. Steele.

It's a terrific idea, honey.
We'll talk about it in the car.

- Bye, Laura!
- Hey, let me kiss sister!

- Bye!
- Thank you very, very much for everything.

- Anytime.
- Bye-bye. Take care.

- Okay.
- See ya. Bye-bye.

Don't you think it's a wonderful idea?

We'll talk.

- I don't get it.
- Huh?

I thought we wrapped
that one up rather nicely.

I mean you. The Remington Steele that
walked into my life three years ago...

wouldn't care a fig
what happened to my family.

Ah, well.
That Remington Steele's gone.

Past. Pfft!

And who's replaced him?

Miss Holt, what's life
without a little mystery, eh?

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