All language subtitles for Remington Steele s01e21 Sting of Steele.eng

[Laura]
Try this for a deep, dark secret...

The great detective
Remington Steele?

He doesn't exist.
I invented him.

Follow...
I always loved excitement.

So I studied and apprenticed...

and put my name on an office.

But absolutely nobody
knocked down my door.

A female private investigator
seemed so... feminine.

So I invented a superior.

A decidedly masculine superior.

Suddenly, there were cases
around the block.

It was working like a charm.

Until the day he walked in...

with his blue eyes
and mysterious past.

And before I knew it...

he assumed
Remington Steele's identity.

Now I do the work,
and he takes the bows.

It's a dangerous way to live...

but as long as people buy it...

I can get thejob done.

We never mix business
with pleasure.

Well, almost never.

I don't even know
his real name.

- [Speaking French]
- Eh?

Ladies and gentlemen,
place your bets.

- [Speaking French]
- Eh?

Confounded batteries again.

Bloody well teach me
to buy American, eh?

[Speaks French]

- [Chuckles]
- [Speaks French] Black, 22.

[Speaks French]

I think I'll stand fast where I am.

- Certain, sir?
- [Chuckles] It's only plastic.

I say, what's he laughing at?

[Speaks French]

[Knock On Door]

Excuse me, Mr. Hoskins. But someone
at the roulette table is cheating.

How can that be?

Customers don't cheat us.
We cheat them.

Some blokes
have all the luck.

Well, I think
I'll chuck it in too.

Good evening, would you
cash these please?

Thank you.

Mr. Hoskins would like to compliment you
on your extraordinary luck.

He should have
200,000 pounds in there.

- Who's your partner, mate?
- L-I don't have one.

Sure, you do.

Needed one to pull
the switch and work the wheel.

No.

You give me his name
and you can walk out of here...

with no more than my admiration
for a piece of work well-done.

- You gonna let him go?
- He's just the shill.

I want the little darling
that thought up this gem.

On the count of three.
One, two...

Chalmers, Daniel Chalmers.

You know, the chap with the silver hair
and the hearing aid.

Of course.
He kept fiddling with it.

And every time he did, the ball seemed
to jump into this bloke's number.

Thank you, Mr. Hoskins. L...
Thank you. L-I promise you.

- You won't catch me around here anymore.
- [Gunshot]

I ain't come 7,000 miles to be
palmed off on some secretary.

I am Mr. Steele's... associate.

He was called away
unexpectedly on another case...

and asked me to handle
this preliminary interview.

Now if that isn't satisfactory, I'd be
delighted to recommend another agency.

You Americans
can be very gruff.

Here I am, a stranger in your country...
Remington Steele's the only name I know...

- and all you seem to want to do is turn me away.
- [Sighs]

What brought you
to Mr. Steele in the first place?

He was touted
by a London solicitor.

They told me he was a man
what always got his man.

Are you looking for someone,
Mr. Hoskins?

A fellow named Daniel Chalmers.

You see, I run a private
gaming club in London.

This fellow Chalmers
had a big win.

Only I didn't have enough
cash on hand to cover it.

Now he's going around
telling everyone I'm a welsher.

Well, I can't have anyone
walking around calling me a welsher.

So, I've gotta see he gets
what's coming to him.

What makes you think
he's in Los Angeles?

In my kind of business,
you have to have contacts.

These contacts tell me
he's headed this way.

- Can you give me a description?
- Early 60s, silver hair.

Wears a hearing aid.
Likes to live high off the hog, he does.

You know, fine frog
restaurants, best hotels.

- [Intercom Buzzes]
- Turf club at the track.

Excuse me.

- Yes, Bernice?
- I have some good news, and some bad news.

- Which do you want first?
- The former.

The venerable Mr. Steele just called.
He's home sick with the flu.

- And the latter?
- Your mother's here.

I'll be right out.

- Mother?
- You're angry with me, aren't you?

You're wondering why the old
battle-ax didn't call first...

warn me she was coming.

Mother, it's always wonderful
to see you, no matter how unexpected.

Oh, Laura.

You make me the happiest
mother in the world.

[Sobbing]

Mother, please.

Maybe you can collect
yourself in here.

[Continues Sobbing]

Right through here.

I'll be right in.

- What's that?
- Uh, a client.

Here to thank Mr. Steele
for his help.

- Happy, is she?
- Overjoyed.

We'll begin with the better
hotels in town...

give you a progress report
as soon as we can.

One thing, don't tell
Danny boy I'm here.

I wanna see the look on his face
when I pay him off.

Oh.

[Sobbing Continues]

Any idea
what's wrong with Mom?

No, but I'm sure
I'll find out...

in copious detail.

Stop it, Laura.
She's your mother.

I'll admit. There are times
when she sets my teeth on edge.

Still, she's obviously
in great emotional pain...

and I should devote
all my time and energy...

to seeing her through
this difficult period.

I mean, nothing's pressing.
The workload's fairly light.

Skeezicks is out with a cold,
which should lighten it even more.

- Maybe I should call him.
- You're just trying to postpone going in there.

Bernice, how can you say that?
She's my mother, for heaven's sake.

Get him on the phone.

- Steele here.
- You sound awful.

- Beastly cold, beastly.
- [Jet Engines Idling]

- What is that noise?
- Noise?

- It sounds like an airplane.
- I'm watching a movie.

Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo. Heroic stuff.
Makes me proud to be in your brave country.

Well, I have to go now, Laura.
Time for my medication.

And please, Laura, don't, under any
circumstances, come to my apartment.

One of us has to stay healthy.

Wonderful invention,
that call forwarding.

- How was the flight, sir?
- Bumpy.

Yes, we ran into some
gale-force winds over Utah.

- Noisy.
- Mr. Sinclair, now, that plane takes off at only 78 decibels.

Mr. Sinclair's a very quiet man.
He can't abide a raucous plane.

Benton, do you think the board of directors
would approve my buying a private jet?

- Mr. Sinclair, you are the board.
- That's true, I am.

Give your card to Benton here. I'll firm
up my decision by the end of the week.

Uh, you don't think
that he's kidding, do you?

About buying a plane? I mean,
we've been flying for five days.

The fuel costs alone
are astronomical.

Would Mr. Sinclair have spent all this time
talking with you if he wasn't serious?

- I don't know.
- I do.

Good day.

[Chuckling]

Oh.

- There we go.
- Thank you.

- The chairman of the board.
- And his faithful aide. [Chuckles]

- How long will you be here?
- Just until I'm dead.

Mother, won't you please
tell me what's wrong?

I don't want to burden you.

It's more of a burden
not knowing.

[Sighs]
Well.

If you insist.

You know, I haven't really
been involved with anyone...

since your father
took off like that.

Until Harvey came into my life.

- Harvey?
- Dr. Harvey Fennerman.

A doctor?
That's wonderful!

Actually, he's a dentist,
children's orthodontia. Oh.

Such meaningful work...

straightening all those
crooked little teeth.

We met at a seminar on plaque.
You know how I like to keep current.

We saw a great deal
of each other.

I, uh, I don't want this
to shock you, dear.

But Harvey and I were
planning a weekend together.

Oh, I felt so... daring.

I even bought a whole new wardrobe
in Harvey's favorite color.

And then he...
made his proposal.

He felt it was wrong of us to
go off together if we didn't...

Get married?

- He proposed marriage?
- [Sobbing]

He didn't propose marriage.

[Sobbing]

Mother, I'm on the edge of my seat. What
in God's name did Harvey Fennerman propose?

That he bring his wife along. That
the three of us get to know one another.

His wife!
You mean he's married?

I just couldn't be
a good sport about it.

Now they're at the Ramada Inn,
and I'm here.

[Sobbing]

With a suitcase full of purple clothes.
[Sobbing]

Mother, I have to take care
of some business. We'll talk more later.

No! You're not going to
leave me here alone.

Now, Mother, remember.
I'm on a case, and I'm undercover.

Don't worry.
I won't faint.

Hello, I'm Myrtle Groggins, Society
for the Preservation ofTrain Travel.

I believe I spoke
with you earlier...

- about one of your guests, Daniel Chalmers.
- Yes?

He's been selected
international traveler of the month.

- Quite an honor.
- Well, it entitles him to a free train trip...

to any city west of Chicago.

Will you be good enough
to announce me?

- He isn't in.
- How do you know that?

His key is still
in the box. Who's she?

- Female traveler of the month.
- I'm supposed to be at the Ramada Inn in Oxnard.

Will you tell me... do you know
if he received my message?

- Hasn't picked it up yet.
- Have him call me at this number.

We're really anxious
to have him ride our rails.

Come along, Miss... Foxe.

You know, Mother. I'm really very flattered
that you came to me instead of Frances.

Oh, I could never tell
your sister any of this.

She and Donald are so
incredibly happy together.

- She could never relate to a loser in love.
- But I could?

Well, darling, you're not
exactly besieged with suitors.

- There, Mother, you see...
we do have something in common. - Yeah, emptiness.

Well, it's a start.

- What are we looking for?
- Shh!

A sign that someone's
actually staying here.

What's this?

[Chuckles]

Mother,
you're doing very well.

I would've done better
in Oxnard.

You've come
a long way, my boy.

Thanks in no small measure
to your excellent tutelage.

No, I think this is another instance
of the student surpassing the teacher.

You, a renowned
private investigator.

It's mind-boggling.

Actually, I find it rather
novel helping people.

I'm glad you're in practice.

- How bad is it?
- Remember the major?

- Oh, yes, of course. How is he?
- Dead, very dead.

I felt I was getting a bit long in the tooth
to be bouncing around the continent...

relieving greedy people
of their ill-gotten gains...

so I decided to finance
my retirement.

I selected a particularly loathsome
character by the name of Hoskins.

He runs probably
the crookedest casino in London.

The major and I took him
for 200,000 pounds.

The fox gets wiser,
but he also gets slower.

The major missed getting
out the door by a step.

Not that I blame him,
but he gave Hoskins my name.

Oh, and now he's after you.

And with your help,
he'll find me.

Well, I've engaged a suite
at the Bonaventure in your name.

I left a slew of phone
numbers to be traced.

- Then the rest is up to your associate.
- Miss Holt?

Uh, a lawyer in London
owed me a favor or two.

I called them in by having him recommend
the Remington Steele Agency to Hoskins.

- We must keep this in the family.
- Why not have Remington Steele locate you?

Oh, I need you for
a far more demanding role.

Just make sure Hoskins never
sees you as Remington Steele.

- [Doorbell Buzzes]
- Who is it?

- Laura.
- And Abigail.

Oh, quick, quick.
Get this, get this.

Yes.
[Coughing]

Yes, I'm coming.
I'm just getting dressed. Quick.

- [Doorbell Buzzes]
- [Steele] Coming.!

[Continues Coughing]

- Where do I go?
- Yes, quick. Through here.

Yes, go on.

[Clears Throat]
Coming.

[Coughing]

Oh, Mr. Steele, you look...

pretty damn good
for someone with the flu.

Wonder drugs. Should be up
in a matter of weeks or two.

- This wasn't my idea, but...
- Laura spent all day making you this chicken soup.

Abigail, please don't
go in the kitchen!

- [Abigail Shouts]
- [Pots Clattering]

There's a man lurking
behind the refrigerator.

So sorry to have
startled you, my dear.

I was just brewing a spot
of tea for my sick friend.

Colonel Reginald Frobish,
10th Royal Hussars.

- Oh.
- The lieutenant and I were reliving former campaigns.

You were in
the Royal Hussars?

Ah, yes.
The shining 10th.

- How romantic.
- Once we washed down the dust of the Punjab...

it had its moments.

I can't wait to hear all about
your days in the Punjab with Mr. Steele.

[Sneezes]

Laura, I beseeched you not to come here.
I'm still terribly infectious.

When do you think
you'll be back in the office?

Medical coverage
run out, has it?

We have a new client
who insists on meeting you.

- Oh?
- A man by the name of Albert Hoskins.

[Coughing]

Hoskins is the one throwing the darts.
Hates Americans.

Fanatic about soccer,
especially Manchester.

Never gambles, except
an occasional bet on darts.

- And the other fella?
- He's one of ours, Bailey.

- Do your stuff, kid.
- [Clears Throat]

[Accent Thickens]
Hello, Bailey, my son.

- It's collection day.
- Uh, hello, mate.

Look, I'm a bit
light on this week.

No wonder.

I mean, anyone who'd take Leeds over
Man United deserves to be bust, eh?

- You a Manchester man?
- Yeah, runs in the family. My uncle used to play for them.

- What's your uncle's name?
- Jack Todd.

Jack Todd. Good Lord, he was the greatest
goalkeeper in the first division.

Let's move it, Johnny. You know
how these limeys give me the creeps.

- Hold your bite, mate. We're
discussing the Manchester team. - [Bailey] Mr. Tucker...

- I'll bring the money round
in the morning, first thing. - I'll be waiting.

I got a theory about why you limeys
are so batty about soccer.

Gives you a chance to watch all those
young boys run around in short pants.

Who the hell is that?

My boss, Jake Tucker.

You've got
an ugly mouth, Mr. Tucker.

No wonder you lost your empire.
You limeys are born losers.

Let me know when
you get bored, yank.

A thousand says you can't
make it four in a row.

Gambling's for silly sods
like Bailey.

That's the English for you.
The minute they gotta back up their bluster...

they hide under the sheets.

A thousand it is.

- Get the darts, Johnny.
- Yes, sir.

Here you go, Mr. Hoskins.

- Sorry about that, limey.
- I ain't got enough scratch on me.

I'll send Johnny around
in the morning to get it.

Only be sure it's in good old
American green. [Laughing]

See you, Mr. Hoskins.

Daniel Chalmers
is a very elusive fellow.

His hotel room hasn't been lived in
even though he registered a week ago.

Nobody has seen him come or go, yet he's
placed a dozen calls, eight to yacht brokers...

three to gambling equipment houses
and one to an upholsterer in Torrance.

That don't mean
nothing to me.

- What I want is Chalmers.
- Well, that's gonna take a bit longer than I anticipated.

Listen, lady. You've got
nice legs and a pretty face...

but that ain't why I hired you.

And I ain't spending any more time
in this wretched city than I have to.

So why don't you get that high-powered
boss of yours on this thing?

Mr. Steele is finalizing a case,
and just as soon as...

Now! The next person I expect to see
in this room is Remington Steele.

- Who's there?
- Johnny Todd.

- A thousand green.
- Uh-uh-uh...

There's something you ought to know
about last night, Mr. Hoskins.

- Yeah?
- Tucker cheated you.

- Why tell me that?
- Because I think you'd like to take him down a peg or two.

- And so would I.
- Yeah? Why?

It's a long story,
but the short of it is...

I made the mistake of placing a bet
with him, a bet I couldn't afford to lose.

So now I'm working it off
being his collector.

Only now, it's time to wipe the debt clean and
walk away with a few bob in my own pocket.

I can't stand people who try
to make their problems mine.

Tucker runs
an international sports book.

He takes bets on any sporting event
anywhere in the world.

I mean, tennis matches in France,
auto races in Germany...

soccer games in England.

I've found a way to get
the results before he does.

That means that I know
the winner when I make the bet.

Only, I need someone
to place the bet for me.

- How much are you putting in?
- Two thousand dollars.

- [Chuckles]
- Two thousand dollars, at 20-to-1.

That's $40,000,
enough to make a fresh start.

- Show me how it works.
- Then you're in?

No, mate. Just curious
as to what your game is.

- Oh.
- Mother, what are you doing?

Oh, don't you think it looks
better this way? Much roomier.

Well, I had no idea that rearranging
furniture had this effect on you.

- Oh.
- Uh-huh.

Come on.

What do you think
of the roses?

Well, it's a nice touch, but it really
doesn't fit Mr. Steele's image.

Oh, they're not his.

They're mine.

Somebody sent you
two dozen roses?

- Laura, you look so shocked.
- [Intercom Buzzes]

Yes, Bernice?

- It's for you.
- Oh.

Hello?
[Chuckles]

Don't be so wicked.
[Laughing]

Laura, would you mind?

No, no, of course not.

[Sighs]
Yes?

Who's on the phone
with my mother?

Uh, Colonel Reginald something or other,
10th Royal Hussars.

Murphy!

- Leon Pinsky, say hello to Mr. Hoskins.
- Never mind the formalities.

- Get on with it.
- There it is. The key to untold riches.

- A video dish?
- That's not just any video dish. That's a Pinsky original.

I can punch into any broadcast
satellite in the world with it.

Which means we can monitor
any sporting event in the world, live.

And the minute it's over,
Leon can call us up with the outcome.

Leon, my son,
give us a guided tour.

Mr. Hoskins.

- Pick a city, any city.
- Liverpool.

That's Liverpool and Newcastle.

The sports books gets its results
from the U.P.I. Out of Paris.

There's a two-minute, 16-second delay
before it reaches here.

- [Hoskins] Corner, corner.!
- Plenty of time for Leon...

to deliver the information we need
to make a sure bet.

I'll take half your winnings
for my time and trouble.

Half? Leon's already in for a third.

That's your headache, not mine.

He's hooked.
All you gotta do is reel him in.

Don't worry,
don't worry.

Leon, beautiful.

All right, mate.
Half it is.

If this is anything more
or less than you say it is...

your brain will be the first thing
to leave your body.

[Chuckles] Relax, mate.
There's not a thing that can go wrong.

Laura, wait a minute.

Now, you know I want this guy
out of our lives more than anything...

but I feel a little slimy
breaking into his apartment.

We're not breaking in. We're merely saving
him the bother of answering the door.

- Then why are we whispering?
- In case he's napping.

He isn't napping.

In fact,
he isn't even here.

Laura, Laura, Laura,
I've never seen you this obsessed.

I wanna know everything I can
about anyone who comes on to my mother.

She's just been through a very unhappy
romantic experience.

And I don't want to
see her hurt again.

"Leighton Sinclair, Britain."

"Eric Gunnar, Sweden."

[Scoffs]
"Colonel Reginald Frobish, Hong Kong."

"Daniel Chalmers, Canada."

Isn't that the guy
Hoskins is looking for?

What do you want to
do about it, Laura?

Blow the lid off whatever scam
Mr. Steele and his friend are pulling.

Ah, wonderful.

Should make quite an impression
on our Mr. Hoskins.

- How is our fish doing?
- Well, he's not only swallowed the bait...

- he's practically trying to
throw himself into the boat. - [Chuckles]

[Inhales] Nothing titillates the senses
more than a first-rate sting.

- You ever miss it?
- Oh, I have the occasional wistful longing...

a pang or two of regret.

- What do you do about it?
- Cheat at solitaire until the feeling passes.

That Miss Holt is
quite a bundle, isn't she?

- Hmm, yes, yes.
- Intelligent, independent, scrupulously honest.

In short, everything you ordinarily
loathe in a woman.

- Yes, but she does have a certain...
- Allure?

Uniqueness.

You know, for someone who could
never stay tied down to one place...

or one of anything
for very long...

- you sound almost domesticated.
- Does that sadden you, Daniel?

It intrigues me.

- Will that be necessary?
- I'm afraid so.

- Will that be necessary?
- I'm afraid so.

Dreadful things.

[Coughing]

Laura, I sincerely hope you didn't
drag a man in my condition...

all the way down here simply to
show me... your new floor plan.

- Still under the weather, are we?
- Oh, raging fever.

Rampant chills.
[Coughing]

Wretched cough. I'll simply take one or
two aspirins and ring you in the morning.

Oh, yes.
On your way out...

if you could ask Bernice to get
Albert Hoskins on the phone for me.

I want to tell him I've
located Daniel Chalmers.

He's masquerading as
a colonel in the Royal Hussars.

I realize trust is not
something bestowed, but earned.

And on the face of it,
I've done nothing to earn yours.

Notice how I'm not
jumping in to argue with you?

The truth is that Daniel relieved
Hoskins of? 200,000...

beating him at his own
crooked game.

A valued associate lost
his life in the process.

Now Hoskins is using you as a Judas goat
to lead Daniel to the slaughter.

Hoskins isn't the only one
who's using me.

Daniel arranged your involvement
without my knowledge.

And what does this counterfeit colonel
have in mind for my mother?

Sending her roses, making her
giggle like a schoolgirl.

- Perhaps he likes her.
- [Scoffs]

Laura, simply because a man earns his
living on the shady side of the street...

doesn't mean that he's
beyond human emotions...

that he can't care very deeply
and very passionately for someone.

And he even might attempt
to make a change.

He's an old friend in trouble.

I'm merely trying to keep him alive
until he can retire.

Will you help me?

- [Doorbell Buzzing]
- ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Classical Waltz On Stereo]

Ah, Miss Holt. What an unexpected,
yet delightful intrusion.

- [Abigail] Who is it, Reggie?
- Mother!

- Laura?
- I thought you were going to a Garbo retrospective.

- I'd seen it already.
- I took the liberty...

of asking your mother
to have dinner with me.

The colonel is teaching me
how to make his souffle rise.

Don't take your coat off, dear.
I know you can't stay.

Uh, my daughter's a private eye.

Uh, she works around the clock and is
probably on her way to a stakeout right now.

I'm sure your daughter and I
can find something to chat about while you're basting the rabbit.

Oh, well, uh...

I guess it would be a good idea if you
got to know one another. [Chuckles]

I'll baste the rabbit.

A pity to waste
the music, isn't it?

I think I've been
waltzed around enough.

I'm aware of your
predicament, Mr. Chalmers.

I see.

Are you going to
join the fray?

First, I want to know everything about the man
I euphemistically call Remington Steele.

- And I don't mean the Punjab.
- Well, let's see.

When I found him,
he was an uneducated...

unsophisticated,
unwanted young man...

filled with hostility
and violence.

I know it's difficult to believe
we're talking about the same person.

But there he was, on the streets
of London, hustling for a quid.

So you took him
under your wing?

Perhaps as the son
I never had.

And like any good father, you taught him
how to be a consummate con man...

a charming cheat.

Oh.
[Chuckles]

The rabbit's basting,
and the souffle is rising...

and I don't think we ought
to detain Laura any longer.

- I'll be leaving in a minute, Mother.
- Oh.

Well, don't rush off
on my account.

Go on.

The years were good to us.
But then Harry...

- Harry. His name's Harry?
- ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Resumes]

That's what I finally wound up calling him
in self-defense. He had a bag full of names.

I doubt if even he
knew which was the real...

and which were the product
of his fertile imagination.

But eventually, he became gripped
with wanderlust and moved on.

We kept in touch as best we could.
Our paths crossed occasionally.

And I marveled at the elan
he'd acquired along the way.

Would you like to
sample the souffle, dear?

Uh, if I'm not intruding.

Oh, how could you say that?

- Have I met your requirements?
- One more thing.

I want you to say good-bye
to my mother, gently, but firmly.

But she's such
a charming woman.

No offense, but you're
not exactly Mr. Stability...

and she's on the emotional
edge as it is.

Another disastrous encounter and there's
no telling what might happen to her.

[Sighs]
If I must.

Here's the souffle, dear. Now,
I've put a little plastic spoon in here...

so that you can
eat it before it gets cold.

- Mother.
- There.

Ta-ta. Oh.

Children, they can be such a burden.
[Chuckles]

[All Chattering, Indistinct]

All right, everyone.
Showtime.

[Man On Intercom] France, Tennis.
French Open. Davis over Martinez.

Shaving it a bit close, aren't you? I mean,
Pinsky's already called with the results.

Manchester: 5.
Arsenal: 4.

Down there.

[Laura] I'm going in there,
and you can't stop me.

Steady. I'm sorry, miss.
Admittance only by invitation.

- It's okay, Rog.
- Step aside, buster, or I'll blow the whistle on this barge.

In case the news hasn't reached you yet,
gambling is illegal in this state.

Let the lady in.

I'm Jake Tucker. I own this barge.
What can I do for you?

I'm looking for someone, an Englishman
by the name of Daniel Chalmers.

I've heard he likes
to frequent places like this.

- What do you want with this Chalmers?
- Client owes him some money.

- That's a switch.
- Hired me to find him.

Be my guest.

- Did you make the bet?
- There's a fella here...

who I don't want to see me
before I see him.

You brute! You sent me
a note, a lousy note.

After all we've meant
to one another.

But we've only known
each other a few hours.

Well, it is not the quantity,
it's the quality.

- Hey, where are you going?
- To stop her before she spills everything.

We can't have Hoskins know that
she's your mother. He'll smell a setup.

- Then you do something.
- I'm Johnny Todd, remember?

I mean, she catches one glimpse
of me as Remington Steele...

and she'll be shouting
all over the place.

To everything there's a season, and
a time to every purpose under heaven.

What?

You didn't even
spell my name right!

- It's Abigail with an "I."
- [Man On P.A.] English soccer final.

- Manchester: :5. Arsenal: :4.
- Nice going, mate. Very nice.

There's always tomorrow, mate.

Whatever happened
to "firm but gentle"?

I'm afraid your mother just
doesn't take rejection well.

I only hope she doesn't
go off the deep end.

- Hey, where are you going?
- Something came up.

- What about my bet?
- Sorry, mate. It ain't gonna happen.

Sorry? You flub it last night, and now
you're leavin', and all you can say is sorry?

The fella I've been looking for
with a vengeance has just been found.

- I've gotta pay him my last respects.
- Hang on a second.

What about my chance
to cut loose ofTucker?

Why don't you just
put a bullet in his ear?

Come in.

Albert Hoskins,
may I present Remington Steele?

- Hey, Hoskins, how are you?
- Mr. Steele.

- You want a belt?
- Oh, it's a little early for me.

All right. Fill me
a bourbon, sweetie.

The lady tells me
you've found Chalmers.

Well, he was right under her nose,
only she was too dumb to see it.

These broads, they make me laugh,
thinking they can compete with a man...

especially in a business
as tough as this one.

I had my doubts about her
right along, Mr. Steele.

She's all right in the traditional stuff.
You know, running errands...

making coffee,
looking beautiful.

- Oh.
- Thank you, baby.

Now park it and
listen to a pro operate.

These phone calls
Chalmers made from the hotel...

yacht brokers, gambling equipment
houses, an upholsterer in Torrance.

They led me right to him.
He leased a yacht in the marina...

ordered dice tables, a roulette wheel,
had the entire main salon redone.

So I busted into thejoint.

Tell me what Chalmers
is supposed to look like.

Early 60s, silver hair,
wears a hearing aid.

Albert Hoskins,
meet Daniel Chalmers.

- Apparently, Chalmers
was wearing a disguise when... - Hey, hey, hey, sweetheart.

I told you to park it. I can run Mr. Hoskins
through this, thank you very much.

Apparently Chalmers was wearing
a disguise when you first met him.

- For what reason, I don't know.
- But you know what name he goes by now.

He runs an illegal sports book
under the name ofJake Tucker.

- It's a danger signal.
- What?

- You're cheating at solitaire.
- [Winces]

Well, it'll soon be over,
and I'll be on my way.

Care to join me? One final romp
across the continent, hmm?

A last hurrah, as it were.

Yes, well, there's
part of me that's tempted.

Which part, the one that acts
or the one that dreams?

[Phone Ringing]

- Yes?
- Hello, Johnny?

- I thought you blasted off.
- Can you get me a score on the Manchester-Burnley match?

I'll lay an extra
thousand on for you.

Be here by 8:00 tonight.

[Tapping Phone Keys]

- Hoskins bought it.
- I knew he would.

Murphy and I were
nothing short of brilliant.

The next part's
the tricky one.

Don't worry. I can handle that.

I just wish I could tell
my mother what's going on.

We'll explain everything
after this evening, okay?

We're on.

Next stop: A modest villa
in the south of France...

where I can spend my declining years watching
bikini bottoms frolic about the Mediterranean.

Things, uh, may get
a little swift tonight.

So I'd better say something I've always
wanted to say, but never had the courage.

- What's that?
- Thank you.

Oh.

All right, then.
We're having a sociable drink.

What's on your mind?

Mr. Steele didn't tell you everything
that was discovered about Daniel Chalmers.

- Why not?
- Because Mr. Steele didn't find him, I did.

I do the work.
He takes the bows.

Why, he wouldn't exist without me.
I practically invented the guy.

So you don't like your boss.

What's it to me?

I need every cent I can get my hands on
to start my own agency.

So if you want
to make a contribution...

I'll be happy to tell you
what else I found.

How much?

Five thousand.

Let's hear it.

Let's see it.

Chalmers has a complete
dossier on you.

What?

He thinks you killed a friend of his
in London, somebody called the major.

He's waiting for you
to walk on that ship.

When you do,
he's gonna even the score.

You're lying.

How did he know
I was coming back?

Don't you think he's missed
the wig and hearing aid by now?

You'll never get past the front
door carrying that piece.

And he'll know you're onto him.

It don't bother you
I may have killed somebody?

I don't care
what happened in London.

I only care
what happens to me.

You ain't very
principled, are you?

Can't afford to be
on what Steele pays me.

Then you hold it for me.

- That'll cost extra.
- Come on.

- I can't go in there.
- Listen, lady. You're packing the only protection I got.

I ain't letting you
out of my sight.

- Do the honors, Johnny.
- Sorry, Mr. Hoskins.

He's clean.

Bad news. Burnley trounced
Manchester, 6-nothing.

It's only a game, Johnny.
This is life.

- How much are you betting?
- $50,000.

That's too much to bet against
Manchester. He'll smell something.

- He might sniff it right back to me.
- Listen, bucko.

Your boss took me
for 200,000 quid.

Then set himself up
in business with my money.

I figure the only way
I'm gonna get it back...

is through that window.

English soccer.
50,000 on Burnley.

First my husband, then Harvey
Fennerman, and now you!

- Well, I'm sick of it!
- Mo...

[Sirens Wailing]

- [Gunshots]
- Coppers! - Back. Leave the money.

- [Woman Screams]
- [Gunshots Continue]

[Sirens Wailing]

- Mother!
- Oh, hello, dear.

- He's got my money in there.
- You wanna go back in there, do you?

Nah, it was almost worth 50,000
to see Chalmers dead and gone.

- Airport.
- Thanks, Johnny.

You know, mate. You're the only
honest person I met in this bum country.

[Engine Starts]

[Steele]
He's on his way to the airport.

Rise and shine, dear.

[Laughter, Applause]

Yes.

[Abigail]
Oh, wonderful.

Bravo, bravo.

Well, Hoskins's gun
is on its way to England...

and it should prove to be
the one that killed the major.

And with Hoskins thinking I'm dead,
I won't have to spend the rest of my life...

- looking over my shoulder.
- Why didn't you tell me?

Would you have allowed your mother
to participate in our little drama?

- Of course not.
- Oh, honey, I am no stranger to theatrics.

After all, I had the lead in our high school
production of The Corn is Green.

Mother, Mother, those were real bullets
that were flying across the room.

Well, not the ones
I directed to Daniel.

You gave my mother
live ammunition?

- Well, we had to make it appear
to be as realistic as possible. - Mm-hmm.

To all of you,
in affection and gratitude...

I extend an open invitation
to visit me in the south of France.

[Sighs]
Well, as a matter of fact...

- I was thinking of going to Europe this summer.
- [Chuckles]

To Harvey Fennerman.

Eat your heart out.

[Mews]

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