All language subtitles for Remington Steele s01e04 Delivered.eng

- Oh my Lord.
- It's not what you think.

I don't think anything,
I just change the beds

It's hair dye,
see, it's hair dye.

Look, look I'm sorry about the mess...

but you have to understand I'm not
TRAINED for this kind of thing.

- Are they still out there?
- Who?

Who?

SLOW

- Last chance.
- What?

Oh. I just can't, Murphy.

Sure you can.

You get in my car, we drive to your place,
pick up your clubs and some clothes...

and we're in Palm Springs by 8:30

- Ha, if only it were that simple.
- It *is* that simple.

You see, you got it all backwards.
It's the *men* who are supposed to work too hard and die young.

It's the weekend, Laura.

You know, if a guy hadn't known you so long
and didn't like you so much....

and wasn't so sure you'd
never lie to him...

he could convince himself you
didn't want to go, taxes or no taxes

But you *do* know me,

and you *do* like me.

and you know I wouldn't lie to you.

Right.

See you Monday, Laura.

- Murphy?
- Have fun.

No crowds of troubled clients
clamoring for my services?

It's Friday.
People'd rather bowl.

See you on Monday.

Oh, and don't get lost on the freeway.

Miss Wolfe!

Hey, give a girl a break, will ya?

May I ask what it is you
are doing in my bathroom?

Forget it, it's dry enough.

- Is it 6 o'clock yet?
- Why? What happens at 6 o'clock?

Come 6 o'clock, all these offices
are gonna open up and empty out...

and all the bars and restaurants on
the ground floors of all these high-rises...

They're going to fill up with
people hungry to bury themselves...

in anything but
what they do for a living

They'll buy each other drinks...

tell each other pretty lies, and hope
the spell doesn't break before dinner.

- Is that a fact?
- Yeah.

If you get lucky, it lasts until Monday.

Oh, that's wonderful, if you're satisfied
with managing one's love life....

like a game of chance.

I prefer the tried-and-true method

one makes a date and
casts a spell of one own.

- Which reminds me. Gayle called.
- Excellent case in point.

Been planning this evening for weeks.

Front-row center for the Bolshoi, dinner at
Andre's, a leisurely drive back to my place...

She said she was sorry she had
to cancel. Something about the croup.

- Look at you.
- What?

Tell me that briefcase is just for show,
a little prop to intimidate the hired help.

You don't really plan on spending your weekend
cuddled up with all that paperwork, do you?

Now it's not that I don't think
your concern is *genuine*....

or your motives *pure*...

but would you mind skipping ahead and
telling me where we're going with this.

- You look exhausted.
- *Really*. Thank you.

- You know what my suggestion would be?
- I shudder to think.

A night on the town away from
the pressures from work.

You and me on, on, on a date?

Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

Sounds *wonderful*.

It will be wonderful.

And just when can I expect all
this wonderfulness to happen?

- Actually, I was thinking about tonight.
- Tonight.

- I don't think there is a moment to lose.
- It's 5:45.

You wait until 5:45 on a
*Friday* night to ask ME out?

Let me guess,
Sheila has the mumps.

♪Susan♪ got hit by a car.

Mary, measles. Doris, diphtheria.

Gayle, croup.

What difference does it make
so long as you're free.

Oh, what in the world makes
you think that I'm free?

It's *Friday* night, FRIDAY NIGHT.

- Big plans, have we?
- Yes. As a matter of fact I do.

Look. You can think what you want.

but this briefcase is a *very* small part...

of what I expect to be a VERY full weekend.

Am I correct in assuming tonight's off?

Lock up when you leave.

Marie?

Ah, you're back.

It's hard to believe that
two such beautiful women......

could work together on
one small jumbo jet.

Tell me, is Deidra there?...

Thank you.

Deidra? Just got off the 'phone with Misha

and you'll never guess who fell into
two front row centre seats for the...

Bolshoi.

Deidra? There's a man standing in
my office holding a hat rack.

Hmm. Let me get back to you.

I'd ask you to take a seat but you've
already helped yourself to some furniture.

Are you Remington Steele?

That all depends on how you
feel towards Mr.. Steele.

- Who is it?
- Steele.

I thought I made it very *plain*
I have *plans* for tonight. I'm going OUT.

YES, you made it very plain

but I have someone here who *urgently*
needs *our* help and I promise if....

you've ever encountered a more
*desperate* creature in your life...

I shall LEAVE in an instant

Hello Miss Holt.
My name is Sheldon Quarry.

H-h-hold on, just one minute.

Come in, come in.

What happened to him?

- It seems people are trying to kill him.
- People?

- What people?
- CIA. It's hair dye

The CIA? Why?

A whim perhaps?

The point is he wants
*us* to stop them.

But why us?

Apparently we have the
background for the job.

Perhaps we should caucus
in the other room.

If you'll excuse us.

- "What background?".
- Seems Sheldon works for the CIA.

Several days ago men started following him
and people started *shooting* at him so he ran

and who did he run to? To none other

than that famous ex-CIA agent...

Remington Steele.

Oh my.

He must have read about you
in the papers,

all that, vague reference to
secret missions....

all that *gop* about
government service

Yes, all that gop.
Now what are we going to do about it?

Mr. Quarry?

- Sheldon.
- Sheldon.

♪What♪ would you say...

if I told you that Mr. Steele *never*
had anything to do with the CIA?

Miss Holt.

Uhm. Let me explain something to you.

Down at the CIA, I worked in IR:
That's information retrieval.

At, at the company I'm known
as the answer man.

Wanna know how much wheat was
harvested in the Ukraine in 1963?

I, I know that.

Wanna know how many MiGs can land
on the Island of Baba off Cuba?

I know that too.

Wanna know who was
Miss Reingold of 1957?

I'm the guy, the answer man,
that's me.

So, *don't* try and tell me...

that things are not as I already know them to be.

I ran a thorough check on you...

And you have no birth certificate....

no fingerprints on record,
no records of *any* kind

And you want me to believe
that he wasn't with the company?

Well, I guess you have us
there Mr. Quarry.

Sheldon.

Can we caucus?

What the *hell* are you doing?

WHAT did you want me to say?
"I'm sorry Mr. Quarry, you're *wrong*.

Remington Steele *can't* help you
because there *is* no Remington Steele".

Obviously there's been some kind of mistake,

he needs some help.
Someone to *contact*,

whoever it is that you contact
in a situation like this and...

And, and, and, and, and what?
These are secret agents we're talking about.

♪Bombs♪ Poison darts. Big fat guys
with deadly hats they throw at your neck.

Uhm, I'm not interrupting am I?

I just wanted to say...

well uhm...

that being here with you people...

well it's the first time I've felt
really safe in a long time.

What I mean to say is, ah...

I haven't had a sound night's...

sleep or a hot meal since Wednesday.
I...

Sit.

Oh no, no, I didn't mean for you...
No please don't do this on my account,

I, I don't want to be any trouble.

You eat this.

Thank you.

I'm supposed to get married tomorrow....
To Lucille.

As a matter of fact...

A decir verdad...

I was on my way to
my wedding rehearsal

I was walking out of the agency...

and I see one of my ushers:
Lenny Palmieri.

and he's s...standing across the courtyard, right.

And he waves to me, ... , ...

and he gives me a little nod like he
like he needs a ride home

and I say yeah.

and he beats me over to the car.

And he must have seen
the tuxedo boxes on the...

passenger seat
because he walks around ...

and grabs a hold of...

the driver's door...

First thing I see is...

his body flying up in the air like...

ah, like he was let out some
jack-in-the-box or something.

And he was almost funny.

And then I hear the bang and...

I see the fire

and then the smell hits me.

Oh my God.

Oh Lucille.

She, she probably thinks I'm dead by
now, or, or wishes I was.

You haven't called her?

No. I, I don't dare.

They, they'd have a trace
on her in a second.

Well...

there's not much we can do with
regard to the CIA tonight.

But at least, let me put
Lucille's mind at ease.

Ohh, gee Miss, Miss Holt...

I'm really sorry that you have
to break your date on my account.

Date?

Oh, yes, my date.

Completely forgot about it
in all the excitement.

Well...if you'll both excuse me

- private.
- Yeah.

personal, you understand.

Ah yes, yes ah, this is Laura Holt.

I ordered a medium pizza to go
about fifteen minutes ago.

Yes. Yes, well cancel it.

Thank you.

Yes, what is it?

I'm awfully sorry to bother you.

I'm looking for Lucille Seward.

Who is looking for Lucille Seward?

I'm, my name is Laura Holt.

I'm a friend of Sheldon Quarry's.

Come in, please.

Alright. Where is he?

- P-pardon me?
- Oh you, you're pardoned.

It's Sheldon that going to get the chair.

Do you know how many times I've
cancelled the wedding rehearsal?

Where the hell is he?
Hasn't he ever heard of a 'phone?

I even made room for him in my publishing
business and how does he repay me?

For four days, we're all worried sick.

I have a daughter who's hysterical.

I have 90 pounds of roast beef
in the freezer.

Thirty pounds of shrimp...
Oh no, excuse me, not shrimp,

they're prawns. They hit you for a dollar
more a pound when they call them prawns

makes them sound
they all went to college.

I have all this food. I have
ice sculptures, centre-pieces .....

Daddy.
Forgive him, he's an ass.

- Lucille, I will not tolerate that...
- DADDY!

It's the only way with him.

Is Sheldon really alright,
where is he?

Well, I'm afraid I
can't tell you *that*

but he's fine. He's fine

Lucille, you're supposed to be resting.

Isn't he a wonderful father?

He loves us *best* when we're sedated.

I want to hear everything.

Well, I'm afraid, there's
not a lot *tell* you.

Feels good to be clean again.

I ah, I found these clothes
in Miss Holt's closest.

Lucky break huh?

Men's clothing? Laura's closet?

Lucky break indeed.

It must be great being Remington Steele.

- It has its' moments.
- Are you serious?

I've wanted to be like
you all my *life*.

Relax Sheldon.
Remember, you're only wearing a towel.

Huh. All through school,
you dream of being a hero.

Everybody laughs at you.

But, you keep telling yourself:
"just wait until you grow up.

They'll be throwing tickertape
at your parade.".

And then, finally, you do grow up.

Only there's no parade...

No tickertape...

and you finally realise that
you're just not cut from...

that particular bolt of cloth.

So you find a nice girl.

On Sundays you look at...

sensible cars together.

Find yourself talking marriage
and going into the family business

and, oh well...

you wouldn't understand about that.

That's what happens to the
rest of us.

Excuse me.

Sheldon.
It occurs to me you have that backwards.

I mean...

I know you think
I lead an exciting life...

and, yes, I suppose I do.

But don't you think it's rather
like the tree falling in the forest?

If there's no one there to hear it,
it doesn't really make much noise

now does it? Huh, an exciting life

without someone to share it with...

What I'm trying to say is, any time
you'd like, I'd trade places with you.

What do you say?

Sheldon? Do we have a deal?

If I'm nice enough to say
all this sugary slop...

the least you can do is stay awake.

Well, are we going to have a
wedding Saturday or not?

We're certainly going to try

Ah, that's most encouraging news
I've had all week.

- Mr. Seward?
- Yes?

It's almost time for me to go.

Perhaps Lucille will take
her medication now?

- Honey, let her give you your shot, will you?
- You won't forget.

You'll tell him what I told you?

With any luck,
the next time I see you...

you'll be wearing your wedding dress.

Well...

anything I can do for Sheldon...

Huh. She's my daughter.

She loves him. Doesn't matter much
what I think. does it?

Excuse me.

Steak?

Wine. Hearts of Palm.

Certainly seem to appreciate
the finer things.

Of course, what's the point of *buying*
it if you have no one to share it with?

They're onto us.
We've *got* to get out of here.

There are men's clothes in your
bedroom closest.

Sheldon, time to get *up*.

- Men's toiletries in your bathroom.
- What are you talking about?

I'm talking about men's bikini underwear

I'm talking about a T-shirt, a T-shirt
that says: "Bankers *do* it with interest".

I can't believe it.

I'm chased through the canyons
by Mario Andretti....

I have to fight off the galloping
gourmet to get a ride home....

You can't believe it,
how do you think I feel.

All this time not even knowing
that you *live* with a man.

Mr. Steele, what is going on?

They're onto us. Our only
chance is to keep going.

- We'll rent a car.
- Where's yours?

- Sitting at the supermarket.
- The supermarket?

Don't ask

I'm ready.

You lived with a man who wears
white belts?

I am disappointed.

Finally...

We're sleeping together.

Must make it a point to tell Murphy.

- You would too.
- Damn right.

He still doesn't trust me, does he?

It's not you.

It's me.

He worries about me.

Worries...

I'll get in too *deep*...

And you'll be gone...

And I'll be left...

In too deep.

Murphy thinks that?

He isn't the only one.

Ahh, I'll think I'll stretch my legs.

♪Damn♪ it.

Wow, is he a man of action or what?

I'm not sure I have an answer
for that question.

TELEPHONE

- What are you doing?
- I'll tell you what I'm *not* doing.

I'm not driving in circles trying
to elude people I don't know...

who want to kill a nice little nebbish
for reasons I don't even understand.

I'm also not about to sit in that
car while Sheldon looks at me like...

I'm Babe Ruth and
George Washington all rolled ...

Yes, information? I'd like the number of
the Central Intelligence Agency.

♪No♪, that's not a residence.

It's nine o'clock.

Seven more hours and Lucille was
supposed to become *Mrs.* Sheldon Quarry.

Oh Sheldon, seven hours is a
long time.

Besides, Mr. Steele is on the
'phone with....

the agency now.

Really?

Boy, would I *love* to see their faces...

when they pick up the 'phone and hear:

"This is Remington Steele".

You and me both.

He'll fix everything.

He and my future father-in-law.

The two of them,
they're just amazing.

You know he built that business
of his up from scratch?

- It's publishing, right?
- No.

Foreign editions of American classics.
I mean it's such a great idea.

The whole world is in love with
everything American.

You know, China opens up for
western culture and *pow*.

He's right in there in front
of everyone else.

Know what he's working on now?
'Gone with the wind'.

Think about that.

In a year from now,
you'll be able to go to China...

and sit in park and turn to the Chinese
fellow sitting next to you and say:

"How about that Rhett Butler?".

Yep.

They can't wait to see me again.
Just like old times.

Ah. Central Intelligence Agency.
Hmph.

They're *listed* in the 'phone book.

Why shouldn't they have their name
in a lobby?

So tell me about this fellow
you lived with.

Here we are.

Eugene Price
Operations Director

Steele? It's Saturday, the help's off.
Come on in.

Steele. Lord, look at you

How long's it been?

Da-Nang, during the rainy season ...

- Look at you.
- Good to see you too.

Sit, sit.

- Ah, you and ahh...
- Laura.

Laura. So this is Laura.
You're secretary?

- Assistant.
- Associate.

Whatever. Sit down.

Been reading about you.

Scoring all those big bucks in
the private sector.

- It's an... adequate living.
- Remington, don't bull the bull artist.

Is he paying you enough?

'Cause if he gives you any trouble
you tell me. I'll have him audited.

- So.
- So.

What brings you here Steele?

Me? Here? Mmm, nothing in particular,
just thinking about the good old days.

Da-Nang, the rainy season...

Oh, uhm, you know who I ran into
the other day, uhm ...

- Who?
- Shelley Quarry.

Remember Shelly Quarry?
Information retrieval.

- No.
- Of course you do.

- The answer man.
- Never heard of him.

- Do you know what time it is?
- Ah, it's a little after one.

I gotta run, folks.

I promised my kid I'd take him
go-cart racing.

Great seeing you again, Steele.
Nice meeting you too, Laurie.

- Laura.
- Whatever.

Well, ahh ...

Well, ahh ...

Who's kidding who?

Well? Did you straighten it out?

- It's all very confusing, Sheldon.
- Confusing?

What are you talking about?
It's very simple, they're trying to kill me.

Here, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What happened up there?

There's a man bent over our car.

That's Charlie Webb.

Shelly?

- Charlie?
- Shelly, NO!

Don't you bull the bull artist.

♪You♪ don't know me
and ♪I♪ don't know you.

So before you go go-carting with your
kid why don't you tell me why your people

- are trying to kill Sheldon Quarry? They're not
- Tell that to Charlie Webb.

He just got splashed all over the
carpark trying to bomb our car.

He wasn't trying to *bomb* it.
He was probably trying to defuse one.

- What?
- You heard me.

Is Webb dead?

- Sheldon?
- He's fine. He's in the stairwell.

Look, I don't know where you people
get your information....

but get it straight:

No one here wants to kill
Sheldon Quarry.

We were following him, that's all,
trying to find out what the hell is going on.

Lenny Palmary dies getting into a car.

Now Webb.
How do you think that looks?

I'll tell you how it looks.
It looks rotten.

It looks like little Sheldon
had something going.

A *covert* operation.
Something I don't even know about....

And I'm the Operations Director.

People are dying and
I want to find out why.

You really *don't* know?

We've been following him since Wednesday and
the only thing we're sure about is the blonde.

- Blonde? What blonde?
- The one that shot at him yesterday.

You don't *know* about the blonde?

She was at Lucille's last night.
She was working there as a nurse.

At the house?

- Perhaps I should bring Sheldon in here.
- Perhaps you should.

I want to ask you something.

I ran a small check on you after
you called this morning.

Mister, who the hell are you?

Don't you remember?

Da-Nang, the rainy season?

- He's gone.
- You sure?

Do you think somebody took him?

- What time is it?
- 1:45.

- I think he just left.
- Left? Left us to go where?

How much longer do
I have to wait in here?

I called the minister's house
and they said he was on his way.

Honey, you know it's not easy trying to
put a wedding back together in three hours.

Stay put, don't scream.
It's probably him right know.

I'll get it.

- Reverend.
- Mr. Seward.

Simon. Simon Courtney.

Sheldon's best man.
I'm not too late, am I?

- I, I didn't know that Sheldon had a best man.
- Well he does and here I am.

Now don't worry about a thing.
Just point me to wherever he is hiding and I'll take care of him myself.

He's behind the trellis in
the far corner of the yard.

Trellis, yard, got it.

Nice to see you ... nice to see you ...

excuse me, isn't it a lovely day for
the wedding... absolutely splendid...

oh you all look wonderful, wonderful ...
hello, how are you Rachel?

.. good to see you too ...
hello George, hello, hello.

Naughty, naughty.

I've spent a day and a night trying to keep
you alive and you sneak away without telling me.

- What are you doing here?
- What do you mean what am I doing here?

Why, I'm your best man and
the name is Simon Courtney

What are they doing here?

This is Mr. Price from the CIA,
which is not trying to kill you...

... and of course you know Laura.

- Did you see her out here yet?
- No, but I haven't checked the house.

See who out here?
This is *my* wedding you're messing up.

Sheldon. Did a blonde woman try to
take some shots at you yesterday?

Well, yeah.

Well, she isn't employed by the CIA.

- Well then *why* is she trying to kill me?
- I don't know.

but what I do know is she is going
to try it again given the chance.

So, I'm afraid I can't allow you
out there until she's found.

Patience. Patience.

What the hell is the hang-up?

The groom has to come out from behind the
trellis before you start down the aisle.

Well get back out there and
find out what the problem is.

- Daddy took care of it.
- Hah, that's a crock.

Hey, you're supposed to be out front.

Can't you hear the music?

Mr. Price?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- That's her

- John, the book.

- Daddy, what are you doing,

where are you going?
what about my wedding?

Shut up, Lucille.

Any heroes around here
I don't know anything about?

Very well then, enjoy yourselves.

Nobody tells my Lucille to shut up.

Let's get married.

So, Seward wasn't just exporting
American fiction to China?

Not really.

In every shipment of books there is a
specially prepared *single* volume filled...

with American computer
technological sequence.

See?

Price found this volume right before
the blonde knocked him on the head.

Which brings us to the motive...

Which would be obvious
to a child of three.

Well, he didn't do it for the money

He honestly believed that no one country
should know more than any other.

- Equality equals security.
- Exactly.

You see, if everybody knows
as much as everybody else....

then no one country can get
the upper hand.

- Knowledge is power.
- Of course.

I just happened to be at the
right place at the wrong time

You see, when John found out that Lucille
was going to marry a guy who worked for the CIA...

well, he just naturally assumed
that they were onto him.

- Which of course they weren't.
- Of course.

Uhm, so how does it feel to get married
and become a hero in one fell swoop?

Do you really think I'm a hero?
I mean, do you *really* mean that?

Oops, I've gotta go.

Isn't married life great?

You know of course that he thinks you're
the greatest thing since sliced bread.

How does that make you feel?

It makes me feel...

like dancing.

- *What*?
- I mean it.

Now, tell me about this chap
you lived with.

I don't believe it.

Oh boy.

♪Ask♪ me how my weekend was.
Go on, no.

I tell you it was wonderful.

Laura, I'm worried about you.

I'm mean here you are, in exactly the
same position I left you in Friday night.

Haven't you ever heard the expression
'all work and no play', huh?

Laura, I'm serious.
I'm very concerned.

You gotta get out from behind that desk,
you know. Get out and take some chances,

live a life for crying out loud.

- I mean, you can't hide behind a desk forever.
- Gotcha.

Good.

Oh, I didn't mean to come down
on you quite so strong.

but it's for your own good.

Thanks, Murph.

You're welcome.

He's right, you know.

A little excitement...

would do an awful lot of good.

You think so, huh?

So, how was your weekend?

Ooh, do you really want to know?

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