All language subtitles for Rel s01e08 zard.eng

Get ready to get down with Rel.

-How you doin'?
-Catch all-new episodes Sundays.

And check out
our other Fox programs--

9-1-1 and Empire.

Only on Fox.

Wayne Booker here
on "Blizzard Watch,"

and I'm watching, but, uh,
I don't see a blizzard.

It's, uh, it's just
cold out here. (chuckles)

You know, uh, I know this parka
looks warm, but it ain't.

It just seems like every time
it's bad weather,

I get the assignment.

When the Cubs
won the World Series,

did they call me?
No. No, no, no.

I didn't get to go
to the locker room,

have Bill Murray
pour champagne on me.

That didn't happen for me. No.

It was Chuck and Cathy,
as usual.

But you know something, Chicago,
want to know a secret?

Chuck watches porn on his phone
during commercial breaks.

Yeah, that's right.
And Cathy doesn't vote.

Did you know that obese tickling
is a genre of porn?

Guess who does? Chuck!
Back to you.

* This how we do it in the Chi

* On the West Side

* Where we always
keep it tippin' *

* Man, that ain't no lie

* Oh, oh, oh. *

Rel is taped in front
of a live studio audience.

Ho, ho! Street Fighter's
one of the best

video games of all time.

And I've been playing since
the '90s, and, uh, you know,

it feel kind of good
to introduce it

to another generation, you know,
who never really

played it bef... Damn it!

How are you this bad
when you've been playing

since before I was born?

I let you win.

I've asked you to not
let me win over and over,

and I keep winning. Why?

Whatever. Look, I'm-a go
do make my rounds and...

(sighs)

Look, surgery's gonna go fine.

We got some of the best doctors
in Chicago.

I just hope they're
better at surgery

than you are at Street Fighter.

(laughs)
Well, I'm-a tell you this:

those tumors about to get
roundhoused. (chuckles)

All right, you gonna be okay.
I'll check on you later.

Okay.

All right, who's ready to lose

in these video games...

Where's Alison?

You didn't hear?
She didn't make it.

I'm sorry.

What?

Hmm.

(mutters)

No, that's not what I want.

Ahem!

-Mm...
-Ahem!

Damn. Something wrong
with your throat?

I just need you to make
a snack selection.

Oh, I'm deliberating.

What you mean you deliberating?

Okay, deliberation's
supposed to happen

before you put the dollar in.

Once you put that money
in there, you select.

You just don't have any
vending machine etiquette.

And what's the
vending machine etiquette

about standing so close
you're basically

inside the person
in front of you? Back up.

(vending machine whirrs)

Dang.

Oh, come on now.
(stammers) Look, look,

just-just let me get my-my snack
and I'll get out of here.

I just want to
get my Oreos and go.

Ooh, Oreos! That's a good idea.

* Get some Oreos

Ooh. Aw, damn.
That was the last pack, my bad.

What?

(chuckles)
These are gonna be good.

-Take this off.
-Oh, come on now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

Okay, what type of monster
doesn't eat the cream?

Well, I don't like the cream,
so I don't eat the cream.

You are destroying a perfectly
alive healthy snack.

Alive?

Okay, I know that didn't
make any sense at all,

-but you know what I meant.
-No,

but I see what's going on here.

I see what's happening.

Mm.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm!

-Hoo-- Mm-mm.
-Wait, what are...

What are you doing?
I mean, you...

you touching me,
but not touching me is...

This got to be a violation
of some kind.

Could you please stop?

Damn. I'm getting some
bad energy vibes from you,

but you know what? It's okay.

You're in luck
'cause I'm a healer.

What you mean you a healer?

You need to empty and refill.

Your chakras are all
out of alignment.

You don't know nothing
about no chakras.

What you need
is a deep energy cleanse,

and you need it urgently.
If you don't,

something bad is gonna happen.

You are gonna lose focus and
make a mistake with a patient,

and that stress is gonna
cause you great bodily harm.

Okay, you know what I'm-a do

'cause my-my shift
is almost over?

I'm-a leave, right? And I'm-a
meet up with my friends.

And I'm-a tell them about this
crazy lady I met at work today.

You're not gonna be able to meet
up with your friends tonight.

'Cause this storm

is turning into a blizzard. Yup.

It's feeding off
your negative energy.

The storm is you, bruh.

Hey. You're crazy.

Okay, here's-here's the update.

Uh, as you can see, it's, uh,

it's flurries. I mean, wow.

This supposed to be
a Blizzard Watch

and all we got is this
light-ass snow. (chuckles)

Huh? Are you happy out there?

Watching a brother
freeze his ass off?

Is it fun for you? Huh?
You sick bastards!

Back to you, Chuck Martinez
and Cathy Thompson.

You gonna call me a bastard
for being a loyal viewer?

You the bastard, Wayne.

-Hey, you seen Rel?
-Nope.

He's supposed to be
meeting me here

so I can dump this guy, Kevin.
Rel's my breakup coach.

He helps me break up
with guys in a way

that they still want to live
after the breakup. (chuckles)

Damn! Kevin's here already.

He always early.

That's part of the reason
why I don't like him.

Hey, babe.

Hey. (chuckles)

Um, you want to get a table
and I'll get the drinks?

Coo-li-o.

All right, I probably
can't wait for Rel

'cause if I have to hear
that idiot say "coolio"

one more time...

-Let me help you.
-Okay.

-How would you want a girl
to break up with you? -Oh, skywriting.

Oh, yeah, yeah. (chuckles)
She break up with me,

I'll be all sad and everything,
but then I'll be like,

"Damn, look at--
That's my name in the sky!"

Babe!

I'm going for it right now.

I love breakups.
That's good for business for me.

Nothing makes people drink more
than falling in or out of love.

Either way,
I'm getting paid, baby.

Believe it.

All right, it's done.

Wait. You broke up
with him that fast?

Yup. It was quick and painless.

I said, "Look, you wack,
stop saying coolio. You done."

(sobbing)

Whoo! I'm about to get paid.

Hey, brother, it's time
to get you walking. (chuckles)

(chuckles) No.

That's not the right attitude
to have.

See, look, if you don't take
these steps from time to time,

your legs won't strengthen.

You know the saying,
"You got to use it or lose it."

You know what I mean?

You're, uh, you're Mr. Hughes.

You not Mr. Hutchinson.

My bad. (chuckles)
Okay, I'm-a just, um,

get on out of here,
you know what I mean? (chuckles)

You know, uh, roll on.
(chuckles)

-Rel.
-Ah, damn!

You okay?

Oh, I just feel like
I pulled something,

-but I can ice it when I leave.
-Leave?

The storm just upgraded
to a blizzard

and the streets are closed.
Sorry, but we're stuck.

Wait a minute.

Did I cause this?

Am I the storm?

Hi.

Hey, did you curse me?

I'm serious. Look, look.

I-I pulled my neck
and it's all messed up,

and I was rude to a patient.

Now a blizzard has trapped us.

What, you some type of witch
or something?

-Turn around.
-What you mean turn around?

I don't just let people turn...

-(neck cracks)
-Ah!

Better?

It actually is.

Now, you want this
deep energy cleanse or not?

I'm afraid to say yes,

but I'm also afraid to say no.

So I guess I'll say, uh, okay?

You're a brave man.

Here. For you.

Uh, you know, I appreciate
the gesture and everything,

but, you know,
I don't go around here

just taking loose cookies
out of people's pockets.

All right, first step,
tell me how you're feeling.

I mean, I don't know. I mean...

I'm usually pretty good
with my emotions.

I mean, I cry all the time.

But today...

today wasn't fair.

I lost a patient.

I'm sorry.

She was just a kid.

Well, it seems like we met
at just the right time.

So, to begin, we have to empty
the bad from your life.

So now we're just
going to shout it out.

Shout it out?

We're just gonna shout
and scream as loud as we can.

You do know

-we in a hospital-- Oh!
-(screams)

What are you doing?
You can't be in here...

(screaming)

Stop doing that.
This is actually my job.

-(screaming)
-No, no, listen to me...

(both screaming)

(screams)

So, how do you feel?

I don't know. I actually feel...

I feel better.

Great. Well, see,
now that you've emptied the bag,

we replenish
with positive vibes.

First, affirmations.

Rel, I think you have
a very kind face.

Oh, okay. Thank you.

Oh, you. Uh...

I think you have
a nice hairstyle.

Thank you.

Now to others.

Excuse me, sir.
You have a great yelling voice.

(chuckles)

Oh. And, uh...

you be mopping the hell
out of these floors.

Means a lot to me.

Okay. Are you happy now?

You got your damn blizzard.

Why am I out here?

I bet Chuck is curled up
by a fireplace

with a nice cup
of hot chocolate.

And he's watching
a phone full of porn.

What maniac watches
local news, anyway?

I can't believe we got snowed in

right after I broke up
with Kevin.

And now he got a whole
sad man entourage over there

and they're giving me
the stink eye.

(sobbing)

Brittany, will you please,

please get back with him
until the storm is over?

He's over there crying.
Crying is contagious;

you got Charley crying
over there now.

Charley, stop crying!

Stop crying!

You're only crying
because he's crying.

Make him stop crying.

I don't know how,
that's why I needed Rel.

Look, if you want
to make Kevin feel better,

you got to show
some emotion like him.

Look, if he feels like you hurt,
he'll feel less hurt.

Yeah, I don't believe in crying.

You don't believe in crying?

It's a bodily function,
it ain't the Moon landing.

Yo, somebody from that table
sent you this drink.

Oh, what is it?

Kevin's tears.

(mutters)

Look, Brittany,
if you can just cry,

okay, just cry,
Kevin will feel better,

and we'll all feel
a lot less uncomfortable.

Look, I would,
but it's impossible.

I can't cry.

Everybody can cry.
Bri-- Watch this.

Not me.

All right, look.

These two white dudes
raised this lion cub

until he's old enough to get
released into the wild, right?

And then ten years later,
they come and see him, right?

(choked up):
You see that?

The lion still recognizes them.

It's like, the...
the lion can't talk, right?

But he can feel.

Mm.

Okay.
(clears throat)

(grunts)

(grunts)

Sorry.

You gonna have to mind
your business if...

Ooh. Shoot!

I got hot sauce in my eye. Yo.

Jake, give me a napkin, please.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

-Wait, wait. No.
-Get off me!

-Wha...?
-(gasping)

-I see tears.
-(sobs)

Now, look, let it happen,

and turn towards Kevin.

(sniffles)
Is he looking? This hurts.

(chuckles):
Yeah. He's looking.

-(sobbing)
-Hey.

Keep 'em flowing.

Shake your shoulders
a little bit.

(sobbing)

-Look, I can't do this.
-You have to.

This is the next step.
We have to refill your soul

-with the melody of life.
-Okay, what does that even mean?

It doesn't even make any sense.
You know what I mean?

-And plus, I feel uncomfortable.
-You're supposed

to be uncomfortable.
That's the point.

Come on, hurry up and sing.

* Rescue me

* Or take me in your arms

* Rescue me

* I want your tender charms

* 'Cause I'm lonely

* And I'm blue

* I need you

* And your love, too

* Come on and rescue me

* Come on, baby, and rescue me

* Come on, baby

* And rescue me

* 'Cause I need you

* By my side

* Can't you see
that I'm lonely? *

* Rescue me.

I'd give you a standing ovation
if I had legs.

Mrs. Randolph, we've
been looking all over for you.

We're scheduled to turn off your
sister's life support tonight.

I-I know this is hard,
but we need your final sign-off.

Wait. Tasha.

Tasha, Tasha, Tasha, hey, hey.

Wait. Talk to me.

My sister always said
if it came down to this,

then... just to let her go.

I came to town to do it, and
I've been here for a few days,

but... I just can't.

It's too awful.

Damn, Tasha, I didn't...
I-I didn't know. I'm sorry.

I'm just not equipped
to handle stuff like this.

I never have been.

I mean, what about all
the self-help and...

the refilling
and emptying and...?

I don't know. I was
just making up all that stuff

as I went along.

Well, don't get me wrong, I
wanted to make you feel better,

but... honestly,
I was just trying to do

anything to distract myself.

The singing?

Well, I saw a flyer for karaoke
by the bathroom

and thought, "Hey, why not?"

Okay, what about my neck?

Are you a chiropractor
or something?

Nah, I used to date one, though.

Okay, how about the weather?
How did you know that?

Well, I got a weather alert
to my phone

right before you
walked up to me.

Okay, the screams?
The affirmations?

That's from Oprah.

Look...

I just threw some stuff out
there and I got it right, okay?

I'm not a witch.

I'm just...

I'm just a woman that
doesn't want to lose her sister.

(sighs heavily)

Look...

Look, I know, I know it's hard,

but your sister
trusted you to...

to carry out her wishes.

Now, look, I see
families here all the time

fussing and fighting,
trying to keep somebody alive

that's already gone.

But you don't have to do that.

And I'm gonna say this to you:
the more you run from it,

the harder it's gonna get.

I just don't think
I can handle seeing her die.

(sighs)

I mean, you can go

and be there as it happens,

and if it's too hard for you,
you can't handle it,

you know, you don't have to,
you can leave. Look...

there's no wrong choice to...
how these things go.

You know?

I think if you believe
in yourself

the way you made me
believe in me...

you're gonna be okay.

You got this.

STEVENS:
Tasha.

Please sign this.

Thank you.

I'll get everything ready.

(Tasha sniffles)

So what, you just gave
that long-ass speech,

and you're not coming?

(shivering):
A-As you can see, I'm...

I'm buried up to my chest
in snow, and...

(shouting)

(groaning)

Yeah, that's right.

Light his ass up, kids.

-Brittany?
-(crying quietly)

It hurts me to see you cry,
'cause you're

the most amazing woman
I've ever been with.

I mean, you're focused,
funny, smart, talented.

And I see that
you're tender now, too.

I wish I could be the guy
for you, but...

I know you're gonna find him
someday, 'cause you're amazing.

Hey, hey.

Coolio, babe.

(sobbing)

Are you wing-crying,
or are you cry-crying?

I think I'm cry-crying.

Wait, why?

I don't know.

Kevin just said
something so sweet,

and now I think
I've dumped the wrong guy.

I mean, have I been dumping
the wrong guys my whole life?

Like, what is all this emotion?

Damn it.

(sobs) Boy,
get the hell off of me!

I'm going back out
into the blizzard.

And hopefully, the high winds
will freeze my heart again.

Whew. Hey, man,
you think she's mad now?

Wait till the wind blow
that wig off her head.

Hey. Oreo?

Sure.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.
You know you shouldn't...

(chuckles)

(laughs)

I'm sorry, I just don't have
much of an appetite.

I got to go make arrangements

and make sure my flight
is still on for tomorrow.

Okay.

But...

it was nice to meet you.

And thank you.

Aw, no, no, no, no.
Thank you.

All right?
It was nice to meet you, too.

Come here.

All right?
Stay strong, okay?

Uh, Tasha?

Yeah?

If you can, remember
what you taught me, right?

You-you... taught me
about new experiences

and new friends and...
and being open-minded.

With all that being said, um...

give the cream a chance.

Nah, it's nasty.

Please make this stop, God.
Why are you doing this?

Why have you forsaken me, Lord?!
Hey, you!

-Lady, help me! Please!
-I got my own problems.

What you mean
your own problems? Huh?

Oh, God, this is...
this is crazy.

This is worse than
I ever thought it could be.

Look, guys, nobody cares.
Obviously nobody ever has!

Chicago, look, if I die,
the blood is on your hands!

Or the snow. Whatever!

Look, but if I don't,
and I live,

I'll see you next week.
And thanks for watching.

(crying):
And remember...

you can't spell great...

without Channel...

Channel 8.

Now that you've
gotten to know Rel,

here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.

Buckle up, buttercup.

It's real, and it pulls
people together.

-* We're breaking waves
shooting star * -(siren wailing)

* We live for glory
not forever *

MAN: Touchdown!

* Reach out *

* Make this right here
right now *

* Stand up *

* Here right now *

That sounds like fun.

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