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1
00:00:01,253 --> 00:00:04,326
Rel is taped in frontof a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,336 --> 00:00:06,671
Oh, this the part right here.
3
00:00:06,672 --> 00:00:08,272
Here we go.
4
00:00:08,273 --> 00:00:11,909
My billionaire girlfriend is...
she's gone, and...
5
00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:15,313
now I got to go back to a life
of just turning tricks.
6
00:00:15,314 --> 00:00:17,381
Mm, mm, mm.
7
00:00:17,382 --> 00:00:19,183
I guess that's just the life of a...
8
00:00:20,486 --> 00:00:23,321
...pretty man.
9
00:00:23,322 --> 00:00:25,523
Male sex?
10
00:00:25,524 --> 00:00:27,658
Anyone want some male sex?
11
00:00:27,659 --> 00:00:29,527
(HORN HONKS)
12
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:31,729
I'll take some male sex.
13
00:00:31,730 --> 00:00:35,233
Gloria! You came back.
14
00:00:35,234 --> 00:00:38,336
Yes. Yes, I did. I did come back.
15
00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:40,171
MAN (OVER TV): Oh, Gloria.
16
00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:43,074
What are you waiting for? Come on.
17
00:00:43,075 --> 00:00:45,309
Take the leap.
18
00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:47,345
You mean the leap of love?
19
00:00:47,346 --> 00:00:48,880
Yes.
20
00:00:48,881 --> 00:00:50,948
Here we go. (GRUNTS)
21
00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:03,628
Okay, this is stupid.
22
00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:05,763
Why is Paul Melvins
your favorite actor?
23
00:01:05,764 --> 00:01:09,000
I mean he does some of the
corniest movies I've ever seen.
24
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:10,568
He jumped through a moonroof.
25
00:01:10,569 --> 00:01:13,070
Both of his legs should be broken.
26
00:01:13,071 --> 00:01:15,406
What you don't get is the...
27
00:01:15,407 --> 00:01:18,275
the legs represent the power of love.
28
00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:21,178
Also, nobody I know
29
00:01:21,179 --> 00:01:23,414
has ever been told "I love you"
from a balcony.
30
00:01:23,415 --> 00:01:25,216
Look, that's because you don't
know anybody with a balcony.
31
00:01:25,217 --> 00:01:26,784
Okay? And I'm not gonna let you
keep talking
32
00:01:26,785 --> 00:01:28,185
about Paul Melvins like that.
33
00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:30,221
That dude is
a theatrical genius, okay?
34
00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:31,789
I put him up there
with Sidney Poitier,
35
00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:33,124
uh, Denzel Washington,
36
00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:34,725
uh, uh, uh, uh... Tyrese Gibson.
37
00:01:36,695 --> 00:01:38,095
Hey, listen, the point is
38
00:01:38,096 --> 00:01:40,097
none of this ever happens
in real life.
39
00:01:40,098 --> 00:01:41,866
Ain't no happily-ever-afters.
40
00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:43,234
(SIGHS) It takes somebody like you
41
00:01:43,235 --> 00:01:44,735
to say that, because you've never been
42
00:01:44,736 --> 00:01:46,516
in a relationship
longer than three months.
43
00:01:47,272 --> 00:01:49,206
And that was too long.
44
00:01:49,207 --> 00:01:50,575
And the only reason why it lasted
45
00:01:50,576 --> 00:01:52,810
is because we had jury duty together.
46
00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:56,113
That's exactly why Paul Melvins
movies go over your head.
47
00:01:56,114 --> 00:01:59,216
Rel, these corny-ass movies
are making you too sentimental.
48
00:01:59,217 --> 00:02:01,118
You need to find a girl to smash.
49
00:02:01,119 --> 00:02:02,553
Look, I'm not like that, okay?
50
00:02:02,554 --> 00:02:03,921
I can't just sleep with any woman.
51
00:02:03,922 --> 00:02:05,322
I'm not a slut.
52
00:02:07,259 --> 00:02:09,927
First of all, you don't got
to say it like that.
53
00:02:09,928 --> 00:02:13,397
Ain't nothing wrong with having
enjoyable and uncommitted sex.
54
00:02:13,398 --> 00:02:15,900
I'm telling you, it'll stop you
from killing people.
55
00:02:17,135 --> 00:02:18,936
You know what?
56
00:02:18,937 --> 00:02:20,571
Instead of banning assault weapons,
57
00:02:20,572 --> 00:02:22,340
they should have
government-funded hoes
58
00:02:22,341 --> 00:02:24,575
who just go around,
and they should just be...
59
00:02:24,576 --> 00:02:27,845
Okay, no. L-L-Look, look, look...
60
00:02:27,846 --> 00:02:30,715
Brittany, I don't have time
for one of your weird theories.
61
00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:32,316
Look, I want a connection.
62
00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:34,285
I-I want a soul mate and...
63
00:02:34,286 --> 00:02:35,519
Look, everybody can't be like you.
64
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:36,954
(CHUCKLES): I mean,
65
00:02:36,955 --> 00:02:38,823
you treat all dudes
you mess with like dogs.
66
00:02:38,824 --> 00:02:40,124
That's not true.
67
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:43,127
People love and trust their dogs, Rel.
68
00:02:43,128 --> 00:02:45,630
Now, look, sex is just sex sometimes.
69
00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:47,632
That's all it is,
and that's all you need.
70
00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:49,834
(SIGHS) Look, I don't know
if you know this.
71
00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:51,635
I ain't even told nobody this, okay?
72
00:02:54,873 --> 00:02:57,608
I ain't been with nobody
since Shannon left.
73
00:02:57,609 --> 00:02:59,543
Everybody know that.
74
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,383
Listen, Rel, you need some ass
to get over ass. All right?
75
00:03:05,384 --> 00:03:07,284
Right now, your body is in a place
76
00:03:07,285 --> 00:03:09,720
where you're physically
just stuck on one person,
77
00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:12,690
and you need to shock
your system with new ass.
78
00:03:12,691 --> 00:03:15,192
(SIGHS) God, I don't know, man.
79
00:03:15,193 --> 00:03:17,962
Like, I don't want to get back
with my wife or nothing,
80
00:03:17,963 --> 00:03:20,398
you know, but I really
don't want to close that door.
81
00:03:20,399 --> 00:03:22,566
And if I...
if I sleep with another woman,
82
00:03:22,567 --> 00:03:25,036
it'll just make me feel like
the marriage is actually over.
83
00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:27,405
(CHUCKLES):
Dude, your marriage was over
84
00:03:27,406 --> 00:03:29,206
when your wife cheated on you.
85
00:03:29,207 --> 00:03:32,209
Your marriage was over
when she took the kids to Ohio.
86
00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:34,045
Your marriage was over when she...
87
00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:35,546
Look, I don't need a third one,
88
00:03:35,547 --> 00:03:37,314
'cause the first two
was pretty damn good.
89
00:03:38,517 --> 00:03:40,551
This how we do it in the Chi
90
00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:41,986
On the West Side
91
00:03:41,987 --> 00:03:43,621
Where we always keep it tippin'
92
00:03:43,622 --> 00:03:45,256
Man, that ain't no lie
93
00:03:45,257 --> 00:03:47,658
Oh, oh, oh.
94
00:03:50,996 --> 00:03:53,364
Uh-oh, Rel on the prowl tonight.
95
00:03:53,365 --> 00:03:55,566
- Who you going after?
- What are you talking about?
96
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,268
Come on, man. You're alone at the bar.
97
00:03:57,269 --> 00:03:59,336
That's creeping 101. I know the game.
98
00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:00,871
You trying to get laid tonight.
99
00:04:00,872 --> 00:04:03,941
No, man. I don't think
I'm ready yet, man.
100
00:04:03,942 --> 00:04:05,443
I understand.
101
00:04:05,444 --> 00:04:07,344
But, yo, what about
this girl right here?
102
00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:12,349
I mean, she decent, but...
103
00:04:12,350 --> 00:04:14,852
(SIGHS) she got balls
on the back of her socks.
104
00:04:16,254 --> 00:04:18,789
Oh, what about shorty right here?
105
00:04:19,925 --> 00:04:21,192
That ain't no shorty, man.
106
00:04:21,193 --> 00:04:23,060
That's my friend's mama.
107
00:04:24,563 --> 00:04:25,896
Oh, yeah.
108
00:04:25,897 --> 00:04:27,698
- What about her?
- REL: Oh.
109
00:04:27,699 --> 00:04:29,333
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
110
00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:32,403
Aw, damn it.
111
00:04:33,638 --> 00:04:36,774
She got a long-ass purse strap, man.
112
00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:40,277
Like her purse got a seat belt.
113
00:04:40,278 --> 00:04:42,313
Look, if you're gonna have
all these specific requirements,
114
00:04:42,314 --> 00:04:44,849
man, you're gonna have
to try online dating.
115
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:46,550
Look, man,
there's no romance in that, man
116
00:04:46,551 --> 00:04:48,419
You can't get a woman's essence
through an app.
117
00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:50,421
- You know, it's just pictures.
- Nah.
118
00:04:50,422 --> 00:04:53,190
I'm on this app right now
called Phone Pheromones.
119
00:04:53,191 --> 00:04:54,759
- What?
- Yeah.
120
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,494
You pick your date by a scent profile.
121
00:04:56,495 --> 00:04:58,629
I set mine to cheese scents, right,
122
00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:00,431
but I think I did it wrong, though.
123
00:05:00,432 --> 00:05:03,167
I thought I was gonna get a girl
that likes cheese like I do.
124
00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:04,468
- Mm-hmm.
- They sent me
125
00:05:04,469 --> 00:05:07,037
a chick that smells like cheese.
126
00:05:08,507 --> 00:05:09,974
You know, I hit it once or twice,
127
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,809
but, you know,
I can't be wifing a chick
128
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:14,612
that smell like Gouda.
129
00:05:14,613 --> 00:05:15,980
Look, see, that's what I'm saying.
130
00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:17,648
That's not for me, bro. I...
131
00:05:17,649 --> 00:05:19,016
I need a connection, man.
132
00:05:19,017 --> 00:05:20,584
I-I don't want to just be
with some random person.
133
00:05:20,585 --> 00:05:22,586
You know, if I met
the perfect woman right now,
134
00:05:22,587 --> 00:05:24,321
I would be so happy.
135
00:05:24,322 --> 00:05:26,056
I'd be out the game, you know?
136
00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:27,525
Uh, hey.
137
00:05:27,526 --> 00:05:29,326
Is that lemon drop for me?
138
00:05:29,327 --> 00:05:30,995
No.
139
00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:32,997
It's my... it's my drink.
I bought it with my money.
140
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:35,032
You just walked in here.
I don't know how you think...
141
00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:37,067
You know, I mean, like...
142
00:05:37,068 --> 00:05:39,203
Oh, you were kidding.
143
00:05:39,204 --> 00:05:40,604
- (LAUGHS) Right.
- (LAUGHS) I didn't know that...
144
00:05:40,605 --> 00:05:42,473
- that was a joke. I mean...
- Right. It was..
145
00:05:42,474 --> 00:05:44,175
I'm sorry. That-that was funny.
My-my bad.
146
00:05:44,176 --> 00:05:46,010
- It's okay.
- But, um...
147
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,445
I don't want to give you this.
I've been drinking out of it.
148
00:05:48,446 --> 00:05:50,481
Can I buy you your own lemon drop?
149
00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:51,882
- Oh, I'd love that.
- Jake, could you...
150
00:05:51,883 --> 00:05:54,518
- could you get, uh... What's your name?
- Charlene.
151
00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:56,009
Could you get Charlene a-a lemon drop?
152
00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:57,199
All right. Cool.
153
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,155
Hey, Charlene. I'm-I'm Rel.
Nice to meet you.
154
00:05:59,156 --> 00:06:00,256
Hey.
155
00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:02,660
(REL AND CHARLENE LAUGHING)
156
00:06:02,661 --> 00:06:04,161
I'm telling you.
157
00:06:04,162 --> 00:06:05,496
Okay, look, I-I got one for you.
158
00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:07,231
- Okay, this-this a real one, too.
- Okay. All right.
159
00:06:07,232 --> 00:06:10,467
Now, who's your favorite
all-time white Bulls player?
160
00:06:10,468 --> 00:06:12,369
- You ready? One...
- Yep.
161
00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,738
BOTH: Two, three.
162
00:06:14,739 --> 00:06:16,307
- Jud Buechler.
- Jud Buechler. All righty.
163
00:06:16,308 --> 00:06:17,908
- Girl...
- (LAUGHS)
164
00:06:17,909 --> 00:06:20,211
This is... I ain't gonna lie...
this is crazy to me.
165
00:06:20,212 --> 00:06:22,213
- You know what I mean?
- I know.
166
00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:24,381
- Mm.
- Mm.
167
00:06:24,382 --> 00:06:26,717
Ooh.
168
00:06:26,718 --> 00:06:30,154
Ugh, I hate women
that wear long purse straps.
169
00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:30,751
Huh.
170
00:06:30,752 --> 00:06:32,523
You're just asking for
somebody to snatch it.
171
00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:36,093
See, long purse straps are
my number one pet peeve.
172
00:06:36,094 --> 00:06:38,062
Tell me more.
173
00:06:38,063 --> 00:06:39,930
(CHARLENE GROANS)
174
00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:42,700
- It's so fun.
- It is.
175
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:45,569
- It's been a good night.
- I know. And the thing...
176
00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:48,772
I think he wants us to leave.
177
00:06:48,773 --> 00:06:50,708
- No, we should be...
- (CHUCKLES)
178
00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:52,910
Damn, Jake. All right,
we'll get out of here. Uh...
179
00:06:52,911 --> 00:06:54,011
(REL AND CHARLENE LAUGH)
180
00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:55,412
Hey, are-are you hungry?
181
00:06:55,413 --> 00:06:57,147
You want to come get
a "guy-ro" with me?
182
00:06:57,148 --> 00:06:59,250
Ooh, yes. And thank you
for saying "guy-ro."
183
00:06:59,251 --> 00:07:01,285
'Cause I hate when people say "gyro."
184
00:07:01,286 --> 00:07:03,287
- Me, too. "Gyro."
- Or "yer..." Whatever.
185
00:07:03,288 --> 00:07:05,477
All right, be safe, playboy.
You, too, sweetie.
186
00:07:05,478 --> 00:07:06,223
All right.
187
00:07:06,224 --> 00:07:09,526
Selfish bastards.
188
00:07:09,527 --> 00:07:12,229
-
- BOTH: Mmm...
189
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:17,768
(CHARLENE LAUGHS)
190
00:07:17,769 --> 00:07:19,570
Mm. Hmm?
191
00:07:19,571 --> 00:07:22,539
- Mm. Mm.
- (REL CHUCKLES)
192
00:07:24,743 --> 00:07:27,044
193
00:07:31,249 --> 00:07:33,250
Wow, this is...
194
00:07:33,251 --> 00:07:35,252
this is unbelievable, man.
195
00:07:35,253 --> 00:07:37,288
It feels like we're in
a real-life Paul Melvins movie.
196
00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:39,390
- (CHUCKLES)
- Hmm. Yeah, if Paul Melvins
197
00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:42,259
was ten times as handsome.
198
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:44,461
Girl, I don't know
what you're trying to get,
199
00:07:44,462 --> 00:07:47,331
- but you're gonna get it.
- (LAUGHS) About time.
200
00:07:47,332 --> 00:07:49,934
Let's go back to your place.
201
00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:51,869
You-you want to go back to my place?
202
00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:53,604
Oh, yeah.
203
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:56,240
Shibbity damn dobos.
204
00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:00,778
(CHARLENE PANTING, MOANING)
205
00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:03,948
(CHARLENE LAUGHS)
206
00:08:03,949 --> 00:08:06,784
That was just what I needed.
207
00:08:06,785 --> 00:08:09,019
(REL EXHALES, PANTS)
208
00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:15,159
- Oh...
- I know. I mean...
209
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,649
I didn't know I could
still do all that.
210
00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:18,495
(LAUGHS)
211
00:08:18,496 --> 00:08:21,131
Ah. You know something?
It was magical.
212
00:08:21,132 --> 00:08:22,466
- (SIGHS)
- You know why?
213
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:23,701
- Why?
- Because I'm with you.
214
00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:25,769
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, that's so sweet.
215
00:08:25,770 --> 00:08:27,271
- Thank you.
- (GIGGLES)
216
00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:29,039
(BOTH SIGH)
217
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,342
You know something? We should do this.
218
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:33,510
We just did. (LAUGHS)
219
00:08:33,511 --> 00:08:35,646
No, no, no, no, no.
Come here. I'm serious.
220
00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:38,449
Like... this should be a thing.
221
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:41,418
Like, this should be
something special.
222
00:08:41,419 --> 00:08:43,387
- CHARLENE: Mmm.
- Hmm?
223
00:08:44,289 --> 00:08:45,489
Boop.
224
00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:47,624
(GIGGLES)
225
00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:48,926
(REL CHUCKLES)
226
00:09:02,574 --> 00:09:04,341
Hey, baby.
227
00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:15,886
Uh, Charlene?
228
00:09:15,887 --> 00:09:18,188
Charlene?
229
00:09:20,892 --> 00:09:22,759
Charlene?
230
00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:25,696
Charlene?
231
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:31,268
Soul mate? Where you at, baby?
232
00:09:31,269 --> 00:09:34,004
You in the kitchen
making me some coffee?
233
00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:37,007
Charlene.
234
00:09:39,611 --> 00:09:40,978
Charlene?
235
00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:44,114
Charlene
236
00:09:44,115 --> 00:09:46,483
Soul mate?
237
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,472
Look it just doesn't make
sense why she would leave.
238
00:09:52,473 --> 00:09:54,007
That was... that was both of our
239
00:09:54,008 --> 00:09:56,009
best night of our lives, you know?
240
00:09:57,359 --> 00:09:59,526
Wait a minute. What if she went out
241
00:09:59,527 --> 00:10:01,962
to get us some breakfast biscuits...
242
00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:05,566
and she got kidnapped, man?
243
00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:07,268
You better hope that didn't happen,
244
00:10:07,269 --> 00:10:09,069
'cause you don't want
to be a black man
245
00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:11,071
that was the last person
to see a woman alive.
246
00:10:11,072 --> 00:10:13,607
Well, should I call
the police or something?
247
00:10:13,608 --> 00:10:15,709
Man, police can't help you. Oh.
248
00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:18,612
But you can call Liam Neeson,
'cause your girl been Taken.
249
00:10:18,613 --> 00:10:21,882
See, Dad, you got to stop
joking around, man.
250
00:10:21,883 --> 00:10:23,651
Me and Charlene really connected.
251
00:10:23,652 --> 00:10:26,287
Like, like, we held each other
in... in each other's arms,
252
00:10:26,288 --> 00:10:28,088
and... and she booped me.
253
00:10:29,257 --> 00:10:31,659
What the hell is a "boop"?
254
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,260
You know, it's...
255
00:10:33,261 --> 00:10:34,561
Boop.
256
00:10:34,562 --> 00:10:36,230
- Hey, don't touch me there!
- See...?
257
00:10:40,035 --> 00:10:41,802
You see what I'm saying?
258
00:10:41,803 --> 00:10:43,270
That-that-that...
that's what I'm talking about.
259
00:10:43,271 --> 00:10:44,972
You see how intimate that is?
260
00:10:44,973 --> 00:10:47,241
Man, look, I don't know
what happened that night, but...
261
00:10:47,242 --> 00:10:49,777
okay, look on the good side...
at least you got some sex,
262
00:10:49,778 --> 00:10:52,413
and you didn't get robbed.
263
00:10:52,414 --> 00:10:54,748
See, see, Dad, it's more
than sex, you know what I mean?
264
00:10:54,749 --> 00:10:56,817
And her not robbing me
should prove that even further.
265
00:10:56,818 --> 00:10:59,653
Well... I wish I was in your shoes,
266
00:10:59,654 --> 00:11:01,155
you know what I'm saying?
267
00:11:01,156 --> 00:11:04,258
Your wife is just separated from you.
268
00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:05,993
My wife is dead.
269
00:11:05,994 --> 00:11:08,128
She's up in Heaven looking down at me,
270
00:11:08,129 --> 00:11:10,631
watching my every move, spying on me.
271
00:11:10,632 --> 00:11:13,100
Okay, full disclosure.
272
00:11:13,101 --> 00:11:15,502
In a moment of weakness,
I tried to hook up
273
00:11:15,503 --> 00:11:17,705
- with Veronica from the dry cleaners...
- NAT: Wait.
274
00:11:17,706 --> 00:11:19,173
You're talking
about Veronica with the...
275
00:11:19,174 --> 00:11:22,309
Yeah, yeah,
that's why I tried to hook up.
276
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:24,712
So, I got back to her place, you
know, and I'm not feeling good
277
00:11:24,713 --> 00:11:26,447
about myself, but I'm there,
and she said,
278
00:11:26,448 --> 00:11:28,382
"Can I go to the bathroom
and put on something sexy?"
279
00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,351
So I'm waiting, and lights
start flickering, man,
280
00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:32,853
so I said, that's your mama
trying to tell me to go.
281
00:11:32,854 --> 00:11:34,087
So I got out.
282
00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:37,424
Thank God you're here.
283
00:11:38,626 --> 00:11:41,128
Congratulations, Rel. You smashed.
284
00:11:41,129 --> 00:11:43,497
- (CHUCKLES)
- Hey, no, no, no, Brittany,
285
00:11:43,498 --> 00:11:44,965
I didn't smash.
286
00:11:44,966 --> 00:11:47,301
Me and Charlene made love,
you know, and...
287
00:11:47,302 --> 00:11:49,470
and I woke up, and she was gone.
288
00:11:49,471 --> 00:11:51,839
Oh, you mean, like, a one-night stand?
289
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,706
It's okay. Life is not
a Paul Melvins movie.
290
00:11:54,707 --> 00:11:56,874
- It was just sex. That's all right.
- No, no, no, no, no.
291
00:11:56,875 --> 00:11:58,710
We had a real connection, man.
292
00:11:58,711 --> 00:12:00,078
It felt like we had potential
293
00:12:00,079 --> 00:12:02,313
to be the next, you know, Jay and Bey.
294
00:12:02,314 --> 00:12:04,048
- No, no, you mean Jay and Bee.
- No, no.
295
00:12:04,049 --> 00:12:05,550
I said "Jay and Bey,"
'cause it's B-E-Y." It's a "Y"
296
00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,218
at the end of the "Bey."
You know what I mean?
297
00:12:07,219 --> 00:12:08,486
So what you're saying is,
it's the Bey-Hive
298
00:12:08,487 --> 00:12:09,554
- and Queen Bey.
- No, no, no.
299
00:12:09,555 --> 00:12:10,788
We got a Queen Bee already.
300
00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:12,023
- It's Lil' Kim, okay?
- No, if you take...
301
00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:14,525
(STAMMERS) No, that's
beside the point! Okay?
302
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,027
We got to find Charlene.
303
00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:18,362
Okay, well, did you check
her social media?
304
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,198
Do you know her last name?
305
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:23,000
Yeah, Charlene...
306
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:24,402
something.
307
00:12:24,403 --> 00:12:26,671
Rel, she didn't give you
her last name?
308
00:12:26,672 --> 00:12:28,206
That says it all, man.
309
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,908
No, no. See, names are overrated.
310
00:12:30,909 --> 00:12:32,510
Okay?
311
00:12:32,511 --> 00:12:34,345
Did Romeo and Juliet have last names?
312
00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:36,380
Yes.
313
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:39,784
Their last names
was the whole problem.
314
00:12:39,785 --> 00:12:41,919
(SIGHS) You know, you know
something, screw this, man.
315
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,423
Look, I'm-I'm-a... I'm-a
go find her, y'all, and, look...
316
00:12:45,424 --> 00:12:49,160
if Romeo and Juliet could
make it, me and Charlene can.
317
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:54,065
Refresh my memory.
318
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:57,201
What happened at the end
of Romeo and Juliet?
319
00:12:57,202 --> 00:12:59,403
She takes fake poison.
320
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,440
He finds her dead, thinks she's
really dead, but she ain't.
321
00:13:02,441 --> 00:13:05,743
So he takes real poison,
and he really dies.
322
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:09,347
So she wake up, see him dead,
stabs herself to death.
323
00:13:09,348 --> 00:13:11,349
White kids.
324
00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:19,924
Okay, look, she-she was
about this tall, right,
325
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,459
and-and she had on this shirt
326
00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:23,294
that complemented
her brown eyes, and her eyes
327
00:13:23,295 --> 00:13:25,029
had little speckles of hazel in 'em.
328
00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:26,497
Specks of hazel?
329
00:13:26,498 --> 00:13:28,933
She might be sick, man.
Be careful out there.
330
00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:31,102
(SIGHS) Jake, she's not sick, okay?
331
00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:33,104
That was just her essence...
it's purple
332
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:35,807
like the majestic African queen
she descends from.
333
00:13:35,808 --> 00:13:40,244
Nah, man, I ain't seen
no purple bitches up in here.
334
00:13:43,816 --> 00:13:45,983
Look, man, thanks for stopping.
Uh, I don't know if you
335
00:13:45,984 --> 00:13:48,252
remember me from last night.
Uh, I was with a beautiful girl.
336
00:13:48,253 --> 00:13:50,655
- We rode in your cab?
- Oh, I know. I remember thinking,
337
00:13:50,656 --> 00:13:52,657
"What is she doing with him?"
338
00:13:52,658 --> 00:13:55,760
- Okay, so you know her?
- Oh, yeah. Charlene.
339
00:13:55,761 --> 00:13:58,296
Brother, that is perfect, man.
Just give me her address.
340
00:13:58,297 --> 00:13:59,730
Nah, man.
341
00:13:59,731 --> 00:14:02,400
My days of helping stalkers are over.
342
00:14:02,401 --> 00:14:04,202
What are you talking about?
I'm not a stalker.
343
00:14:04,203 --> 00:14:05,937
Yeah, that's what they all say.
344
00:14:05,938 --> 00:14:07,338
What you mean,
"That's what they all say"?
345
00:14:07,339 --> 00:14:08,806
No, no. I'm serious.
I'm not a stalk...
346
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,408
Can-can I at least get
her building number?
347
00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:12,143
I'll just wait in the bushes
till she come out.
348
00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:13,444
Sounds stalky.
349
00:14:13,445 --> 00:14:15,246
It's not! Shoot.
350
00:14:16,348 --> 00:14:17,615
Here you go, man.
351
00:14:17,616 --> 00:14:19,283
Can I help you?
352
00:14:19,284 --> 00:14:21,018
Listen, man, I was here last night
353
00:14:21,019 --> 00:14:23,621
with the woman of my dreams,
and she... she actually paid
354
00:14:23,622 --> 00:14:26,290
with a credit card. Is there
any way I could get her receipt?
355
00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:28,659
Wait. So you made the woman
of your dreams pay for dinner?
356
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,229
Uh, yes, because she wanted to.
357
00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:34,165
But, look,
all I need is her last name.
358
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:35,666
Listen, man, I don't know what they do
359
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,301
with the receipts around here, man.
360
00:14:37,302 --> 00:14:39,036
They just started letting me
work at this register,
361
00:14:39,037 --> 00:14:41,339
and I've been here for five years.
362
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,841
Oh. What about one of these
cameras, man? Like, is there
363
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,473
any way we could look at
the footage and maybe zoom down
364
00:14:45,474 --> 00:14:47,378
at the receipt and then...
and actually get her name?
365
00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:48,813
Man, those cameras don't work.
366
00:14:48,814 --> 00:14:50,214
My boss just put 'em there
to stop crime.
367
00:14:50,215 --> 00:14:52,350
They ain't even pointing at nothing.
368
00:14:52,351 --> 00:14:55,887
(MAN CLEARS THROAT)
369
00:14:55,888 --> 00:14:58,122
- (REGISTER CLACKS OPEN)
- Okay, sorry about that, brother.
370
00:14:58,123 --> 00:15:00,291
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
371
00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:06,741
Man, I'm all out of
ideas, I'm out of leads.
372
00:15:06,742 --> 00:15:08,276
I don't know what to do, man.
373
00:15:08,277 --> 00:15:09,677
All I know is that Charlene...
374
00:15:09,678 --> 00:15:11,679
Charlene's still got my heart, yo.
375
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:14,877
Oh, Charlene.
376
00:15:16,747 --> 00:15:18,915
Charlene!
377
00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:20,692
I miss you so much!
378
00:15:20,693 --> 00:15:23,228
MAN: It was a one-night stand.
Shut up!
379
00:15:23,229 --> 00:15:25,664
You know something, man?
Mind your own damn business.
380
00:15:25,665 --> 00:15:28,299
You don't know my life. You shut up!
381
00:15:29,745 --> 00:15:31,803
Rel, everybody's gonna know your life
382
00:15:31,804 --> 00:15:33,705
if you keep yelling out
the damn window!
383
00:15:33,706 --> 00:15:35,440
- Man!
- (CELL PHONE RINGS)
384
00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:39,144
Hello?
385
00:15:39,145 --> 00:15:40,679
Hey, Rel, man, she's here.
386
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,614
- Who?
- The girl.
387
00:15:42,615 --> 00:15:45,717
The girl. The purple chick
with the African essence.
388
00:15:45,718 --> 00:15:47,485
I knew I'd find her.
389
00:15:47,486 --> 00:15:49,421
Yeah, technically, I found her.
390
00:15:49,422 --> 00:15:51,356
Okay, look, just keep her there, man.
391
00:15:51,357 --> 00:15:53,258
I'll be on... right on my way, okay?
392
00:15:53,259 --> 00:15:54,726
All right.
393
00:15:54,727 --> 00:15:56,828
(REL CHUCKLES)
394
00:15:58,464 --> 00:16:00,932
- Guess what, huh?
- What?
395
00:16:00,933 --> 00:16:03,234
Charlene has been found. That's right.
396
00:16:03,235 --> 00:16:05,670
Uh-huh. Love wins, Brittany.
397
00:16:12,044 --> 00:16:14,979
Why does he keep leaving me
alone in his apartment?
398
00:16:18,851 --> 00:16:20,952
Hey, where is she?
399
00:16:21,887 --> 00:16:23,321
(CHUCKLING): Oh-ho.
400
00:16:23,322 --> 00:16:25,490
Prepare to get your
heart strings played, brother.
401
00:16:25,491 --> 00:16:27,292
(LAUGHS)
402
00:16:27,293 --> 00:16:28,927
(UNDER BREATH): See what we got here.
403
00:16:28,928 --> 00:16:30,628
Oh.
404
00:16:30,629 --> 00:16:32,931
("NOW THAT WE FOUND LOVE"
BY HEAVY D & THE BOYZ PLAYS)
405
00:16:32,932 --> 00:16:34,299
-
Yeah
- (LAUGHS)
406
00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:38,436
Yeah, yeah
407
00:16:38,437 --> 00:16:40,905
Now that we've found love
408
00:16:40,906 --> 00:16:43,375
-
What are we gonna do?
- (BOTH LAUGH)
409
00:16:43,376 --> 00:16:45,610
- Hey, baby.
- Hey.
410
00:16:45,611 --> 00:16:47,545
Now that we've found love,
what we gonna
411
00:16:47,546 --> 00:16:49,280
- boop about it?
- Ooh! (LAUGHS)
412
00:16:49,281 --> 00:16:51,116
(BOTH LAUGHING)
413
00:16:51,117 --> 00:16:53,785
Uh, hey, Rel, I'm gonna just say...
414
00:16:53,786 --> 00:16:55,420
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
415
00:16:55,421 --> 00:16:58,156
Stop right there, baby. Look, um,
416
00:16:58,157 --> 00:17:00,625
I know you probably think I'm
like the other guys, you know,
417
00:17:00,626 --> 00:17:02,260
who only think
about just sleeping with you.
418
00:17:02,261 --> 00:17:03,795
No, that's not my M.O., you know.
419
00:17:03,796 --> 00:17:07,365
I really believe that we, uh...
we're soul mates.
420
00:17:07,366 --> 00:17:09,401
Whoa. (CHUCKLES)
421
00:17:09,402 --> 00:17:11,503
Rel, look, um...
422
00:17:11,504 --> 00:17:14,639
I had a real great time
with you last night,
423
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:18,276
but if I can be honest, I kind
of wanted it to be just that...
424
00:17:18,277 --> 00:17:20,145
last night.
425
00:17:20,146 --> 00:17:23,148
I mean, I feel like, um...
I just... I feel like
426
00:17:23,149 --> 00:17:25,316
we had, like, this really
deep connection. I mean...
427
00:17:25,317 --> 00:17:27,685
we took a pedicab ride, and...
428
00:17:27,686 --> 00:17:29,788
- we ate "guy-ros" together, and...
- That was fun.
429
00:17:29,789 --> 00:17:32,323
You know, I genuinely loved
all of those things,
430
00:17:32,324 --> 00:17:34,325
but that's not all that I am.
431
00:17:34,326 --> 00:17:36,161
I hope it's not all you are.
432
00:17:36,162 --> 00:17:41,166
Last night was magical,
but in a way where two strangers
433
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:44,169
just get caught up
in genuine attraction.
434
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:46,771
It was a one-night relationship,
435
00:17:46,772 --> 00:17:48,740
but a beautiful one.
436
00:17:48,741 --> 00:17:51,009
I mean... (SIGHS)
437
00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:52,944
- It was something about...
- I know.
438
00:17:56,315 --> 00:17:58,316
Where your glasses at?
439
00:17:58,317 --> 00:18:01,319
Oh, I don't wear those every day.
440
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,955
I mean, that was just a fashion thing.
441
00:18:03,956 --> 00:18:06,157
I got 20/20. (CHUCKLES)
442
00:18:06,158 --> 00:18:07,725
Huh?
443
00:18:07,726 --> 00:18:09,360
You know, but I had fun.
444
00:18:09,361 --> 00:18:11,229
You know, maybe we could... do this...
445
00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:14,899
So... you don't need glasses?
446
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:16,401
No. (LAUGHS)
447
00:18:16,402 --> 00:18:17,836
So you just...
448
00:18:17,837 --> 00:18:19,304
you just wear it as a fashion thing?
449
00:18:19,305 --> 00:18:20,738
- (LAUGHS)
- Right. (LAUGHS)
450
00:18:20,739 --> 00:18:22,373
You can actually see? (LAUGHS)
451
00:18:22,374 --> 00:18:23,908
- Right. (LAUGHS)
- Wow.
452
00:18:23,909 --> 00:18:25,977
Do you got a blinged-out
wheelchair somewhere, too,
453
00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:29,414
or... a decorative asthma pump?
(CHUCKLES)
454
00:18:29,415 --> 00:18:31,549
- Wait. What?
- How do I say this?
455
00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:35,220
Um... this is wrong.
456
00:18:35,221 --> 00:18:36,888
Let me tell you something.
457
00:18:36,889 --> 00:18:39,190
Growing up, the trauma I went through
458
00:18:39,191 --> 00:18:40,925
for wearing glasses
is ridiculous, okay?
459
00:18:40,926 --> 00:18:42,694
You didn't get called
"four-eyes," okay?'
460
00:18:42,695 --> 00:18:44,262
Nobody called you a librarian.
Nobody mistaked you
461
00:18:44,263 --> 00:18:45,763
for a substitute teacher,
they coming to your desk
462
00:18:45,764 --> 00:18:47,131
to sign their name for attendance.
463
00:18:47,132 --> 00:18:48,566
- Okay. Okay, Rel.
- Huh?
464
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:50,268
I think you're overreacting.
Let me just go.
465
00:18:50,269 --> 00:18:52,270
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, I'm not overreacting.
466
00:18:52,271 --> 00:18:54,873
All right. Bye, Rel.
467
00:18:54,874 --> 00:18:57,041
Should be ashamed of yourself.
468
00:18:57,042 --> 00:18:58,543
I'm not.
469
00:19:06,151 --> 00:19:08,052
-
Now that we found love
- (REL SPUTTERS)
470
00:19:08,053 --> 00:19:09,921
What are we gonna do with it?
471
00:19:09,922 --> 00:19:11,055
Lemon drop?
472
00:19:12,892 --> 00:19:15,026
(SIGH) You know something, man?
473
00:19:15,027 --> 00:19:16,761
I just...
474
00:19:16,762 --> 00:19:19,063
Maybe I made too much
of a big deal out of it.
475
00:19:19,064 --> 00:19:20,698
At the end of the day,
I didn't even know
476
00:19:20,699 --> 00:19:22,467
who she really was, you know?
477
00:19:22,468 --> 00:19:25,370
But... honestly, you know,
shibbity dobos.
478
00:19:26,772 --> 00:19:29,240
I had a great time.
479
00:19:29,241 --> 00:19:32,143
What makes me feel
even better is that...
480
00:19:32,144 --> 00:19:35,280
my best friend loves me enough
to come check on me.
481
00:19:35,281 --> 00:19:37,115
Oh, no. (LAUGHS)
482
00:19:37,116 --> 00:19:39,017
I'm actually here waiting
for one of my dips.
483
00:19:39,018 --> 00:19:41,152
(BRITTANY LAUGHS)
484
00:19:44,223 --> 00:19:45,623
Ready to get up out of here, Brittany?
485
00:19:45,624 --> 00:19:47,725
I am.
486
00:19:53,799 --> 00:19:55,500
(APPLAUSE)
487
00:19:55,501 --> 00:19:58,503
This is... (LAUGHS)
488
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:03,167
Oh, God. This is, uh...
489
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,936
I'm at a loss for words.
490
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:08,606
I mean, you know, who would've
thought for Pretty Man,
491
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:12,477
I would win Best Leading Actor
playing a male prostitute?
492
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:15,179
Which I'm actually...
I really was a male prostitute,
493
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:19,050
and it's very unique that, uh,
you would give someone
494
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,986
who's actually
the character they played
495
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:24,021
the award for Best Leading Actor.
496
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:26,891
Uh, first, I would like to thank, um...
497
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,360
and this is unusual... my pimp.
498
00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:33,397
Uh, Marvin, thank you so much
for the training,
499
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:37,001
the slaps, the, uh...
500
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:42,840
the abuse that prepared me to
really dive into this character
501
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:46,511
and make people
all over America relate
502
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:49,514
to a male prostitute and his struggle.
503
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:52,083
Uh, I would also like to thank my,
504
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,552
uh, parents, who I never knew.
505
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:56,821
This is why I, you know,
jumped into prostitution,
506
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,590
because, uh, I raised myself
on the streets,
507
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:02,493
and that's where
I was found by the pimp
508
00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:06,531
who pretty much raised me
and had me selling my body.
509
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,399
Um... I also...
510
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,002
- (SMOOTH ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS)
- Wait. Hey! No.
511
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,070
Hey, no, you're not
gonna play me off here.
512
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:14,906
No, no. No, I'm not done yet!
513
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:17,608
Look, look, Richard Dreyfuss
was up here for 45 minutes,
514
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:20,011
and no one said anything, okay?
515
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:21,612
Okay, damn it, I'm getting this out.
516
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:25,549
As soon as a black man
wins an award, you...
517
00:21:25,583 --> 00:21:29,639
Subtitle sync and corrections by
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518
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:34,239
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