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1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,566
Holy shit, man.
2
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:07,333
What are you doing here?
3
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:08,418
Doing my laundry.
4
00:00:08,460 --> 00:00:10,921
Yeah, but you're Rob Schneider.
5
00:00:10,963 --> 00:00:13,048
Hey everybody, look.
6
00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:16,551
Rob Schneider's doing his
laundry at the laundry mat.
7
00:00:18,302 --> 00:00:20,346
You don't have your own washer and dryer?
8
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,723
Of course I do.
9
00:00:21,765 --> 00:00:23,516
But that's for my family stuff.
10
00:00:23,558 --> 00:00:25,131
This is my dog's laundry.
11
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,563
There's dog piss and shit
and vomit all over this stuff.
12
00:00:28,605 --> 00:00:30,523
I don't want all those germs
13
00:00:30,565 --> 00:00:32,525
fucking up the machines at my house.
14
00:00:32,567 --> 00:00:34,319
Those machines are for people.
15
00:00:35,550 --> 00:00:36,186
Okay.
16
00:00:37,024 --> 00:00:38,455
It's all yours, buddy.
17
00:00:42,326 --> 00:00:43,954
Come on.
18
00:00:43,996 --> 00:00:45,556
Let's find a different machine.
19
00:00:46,498 --> 00:00:48,498
[???]
20
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:58,347
[???]
21
00:01:03,473 --> 00:01:04,648
Jamie.
22
00:01:05,346 --> 00:01:06,018
Yeah?
23
00:01:06,059 --> 00:01:08,061
Did you send that script to
my agent, like I asked you to?
24
00:01:08,103 --> 00:01:09,479
When did you want me to do that?
25
00:01:09,521 --> 00:01:11,064
I asked you two days ago.
26
00:01:11,106 --> 00:01:12,398
Well, you never reminded me.
27
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,817
Oh, I'm supposed to ask you
28
00:01:13,859 --> 00:01:15,401
and then also remind you.
29
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:16,443
(Sneezes)
30
00:01:16,981 --> 00:01:19,441
Dude, you know what. I sent the script.
31
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,824
I'm almost pretty sure.
32
00:01:21,246 --> 00:01:23,452
Oh, that's reassuring.
Did you hear that, honey?
33
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,240
He's almost pretty sure.
34
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,454
How about this one?
35
00:01:26,496 --> 00:01:28,823
I'm almost pretty sure I'm
gonna pay you this week.
36
00:01:28,865 --> 00:01:29,783
How about this one?
37
00:01:29,825 --> 00:01:32,502
I'm almost pretty sure an
animal could do your job.
38
00:01:32,544 --> 00:01:33,637
Sorry, man.
39
00:01:33,679 --> 00:01:35,909
I've taken a lot of cold medicine today.
40
00:01:37,044 --> 00:01:38,203
Did you make my juice?
41
00:01:38,236 --> 00:01:39,279
I was just about to.
42
00:01:39,678 --> 00:01:41,221
Don't touch it, you just sneezed.
43
00:01:41,239 --> 00:01:42,145
Oh, that's disgusting.
44
00:01:42,187 --> 00:01:42,696
Okay.
45
00:01:42,733 --> 00:01:44,430
Don't put them back!
46
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,016
You are a sick, sick person.
47
00:01:46,058 --> 00:01:48,935
A sick, demented person.
48
00:01:48,977 --> 00:01:50,220
I don't feel good.
49
00:01:50,688 --> 00:01:51,421
Jamie...
50
00:01:52,427 --> 00:01:53,523
You look terrible.
51
00:01:53,565 --> 00:01:54,577
Just go home.
52
00:01:54,754 --> 00:01:55,254
Okay?
53
00:01:55,292 --> 00:01:57,844
No, if I go home who's going
to take care of all Rob's stuff?
54
00:01:57,986 --> 00:01:59,821
We'll try to survive without you.
55
00:01:59,863 --> 00:02:00,769
You sure?
56
00:02:00,795 --> 00:02:02,236
- Yeah.
- Okay.
57
00:02:02,283 --> 00:02:03,657
Feel better.
58
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:07,829
Thank you, Jamie.
59
00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:11,035
Thank you for giving
the washing machine AIDS.
60
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:16,329
PATRICIA: I'm serious.
61
00:02:16,371 --> 00:02:18,548
Everything is going to
get clean even this house.
62
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:21,253
Chonika was just here yesterday.
She cleaned the whole house.
63
00:02:21,285 --> 00:02:23,165
I spent 200 dollars she
did a really good job.
64
00:02:23,195 --> 00:02:24,770
Except for the refrigerator and the stove
65
00:02:24,802 --> 00:02:26,502
and the baby room and some of the carpets.
66
00:02:26,525 --> 00:02:29,610
No, I'm talking about
spirits and bad energy.
67
00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:30,659
What?
68
00:02:30,722 --> 00:02:32,508
Yeah. Don't you feel like there's
69
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,364
weird energy going on in here?
70
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:37,317
Patricia, you're an
intelligent, educated person.
71
00:02:37,359 --> 00:02:40,704
You can't be serious with this
bad energy and spirits stuff.
72
00:02:40,746 --> 00:02:44,490
In my family
73
00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:44,490
we cleanse the house of
spirits and bad energy
74
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,059
before your child can walk.
75
00:02:46,101 --> 00:02:48,394
Well that makes sense if
you're raised by warlocks but,
76
00:02:48,805 --> 00:02:49,763
this is America.
77
00:02:49,796 --> 00:02:53,459
We have things like myth
busting and random shootings.
78
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,801
Yeah, you also have this
thing called divorce.
79
00:02:56,681 --> 00:02:58,941
You better get someone to clean this house.
80
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,042
You know who got divorced?
81
00:03:03,795 --> 00:03:05,511
Steven Hawking.
82
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,113
Did you know that?
83
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,189
He got divorced...
84
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,200
twice.
85
00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:12,858
What did that guy have to complain about?
86
00:03:19,746 --> 00:03:21,246
(Laughter)
87
00:03:25,991 --> 00:03:28,743
(Robotic voice) The earth,
the sun and the solar system
88
00:03:28,785 --> 00:03:31,413
is at its half-life.
89
00:03:31,455 --> 00:03:34,458
In 2.5 billion years
90
00:03:34,499 --> 00:03:37,752
the sun will have expended
all its hydrogen stars
91
00:03:37,794 --> 00:03:41,547
and will expand to three
times its current size
92
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,843
engulfing the planets Earth, Mars and Venus
93
00:03:44,884 --> 00:03:47,153
in a huge fireball
94
00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:50,156
before shrinking back to a dwarf star
95
00:03:50,198 --> 00:03:51,858
for the rest of eternity.
96
00:03:54,478 --> 00:03:56,054
I'm leaving you.
97
00:03:56,095 --> 00:03:57,095
(Laughter)
98
00:04:02,402 --> 00:04:04,612
I can't take your shit any longer.
99
00:04:04,654 --> 00:04:06,154
(Laughter)
100
00:04:07,199 --> 00:04:09,575
Please open the door.
101
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:11,560
Bitch.
102
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:12,869
(Laughter)
103
00:04:14,414 --> 00:04:16,624
I need you to open the door.
104
00:04:18,062 --> 00:04:19,581
I asked nicely.
105
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,587
No, please don't hurt
me, please I take it back.
106
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,181
This machine makes some word choices
107
00:04:23,190 --> 00:04:24,717
I take it back, I take it back.
108
00:04:26,274 --> 00:04:28,443
So, we're having a garage sale.
109
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,236
What? When?
110
00:04:30,278 --> 00:04:32,238
This weekend. I told you all about it.
111
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,280
Yeah, but I didn't think
you were serious about it.
112
00:04:34,282 --> 00:04:36,869
This baby is going to grow
up in a clean environment.
113
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,245
Your stuff is too old and dusty.
114
00:04:39,287 --> 00:04:41,247
And we're getting rid of all of your junk.
115
00:04:41,289 --> 00:04:42,457
Junk?
116
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:44,710
I've been collecting
this stuff my whole life.
117
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,620
The reason I didn't remind
him about the garage sale
118
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,824
is because he would have hidden things.
119
00:04:49,866 --> 00:04:51,159
He's a hoarder.
120
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:53,619
Do you need these sticks?
121
00:04:54,073 --> 00:04:54,805
Yes.
122
00:04:55,408 --> 00:04:56,635
All of them?
123
00:04:56,783 --> 00:04:58,368
They're a set.
124
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:01,220
Where are my Beatles albums?
125
00:05:01,254 --> 00:05:02,797
I'm selling them.
126
00:05:03,046 --> 00:05:04,030
What?
127
00:05:04,072 --> 00:05:05,849
There was writing all over them.
128
00:05:05,891 --> 00:05:07,800
That's because they were
signed by the Beatles.
129
00:05:07,842 --> 00:05:10,329
How do you know they were
signed by the Beatles?
130
00:05:10,370 --> 00:05:13,065
They were definitely signed by the Beatles.
131
00:05:13,106 --> 00:05:15,372
I have no idea if they were
really signed by the Beatles.
132
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:16,559
I got them at an auction
133
00:05:16,576 --> 00:05:18,237
and I kind of went a little auction crazy
134
00:05:18,271 --> 00:05:19,505
got caught up in the bidding.
135
00:05:19,554 --> 00:05:20,981
Anyway, $25,000 later,
136
00:05:21,123 --> 00:05:22,415
they better be at least signed
137
00:05:22,457 --> 00:05:24,250
by someone who knew the Beatles.
138
00:05:24,505 --> 00:05:25,835
You know who's still performing?
139
00:05:25,877 --> 00:05:26,853
Paul McCartney.
140
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:30,040
The guy's like 72, 73, whatever.
141
00:05:30,971 --> 00:05:32,106
You know, it's amazing.
142
00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:34,161
It's great to hear him
sing those old songs like.
143
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,704
? She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ?
144
00:05:36,746 --> 00:05:38,957
and then he sings some of his new songs
145
00:05:38,998 --> 00:05:40,917
I'd like to sing a song about John.
146
00:05:40,959 --> 00:05:44,670
John and I sang some songs
about some girls we had some fun.
147
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:45,513
(Hums)
148
00:05:45,555 --> 00:05:46,958
It's like, Hey Paul...
149
00:05:47,426 --> 00:05:48,445
Just the hits.
150
00:05:48,672 --> 00:05:49,922
(Laughter)
151
00:05:53,022 --> 00:05:55,482
It's 200 bucks for a ticket, alright?
152
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,810
You're 72, what if you don't
make it through the whole show?
153
00:05:58,818 --> 00:05:59,860
(Laughter)
154
00:06:00,543 --> 00:06:02,462
Go out on a hit.
155
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:04,532
I'd like to sing a song
156
00:06:04,574 --> 00:06:06,776
about the female astronaut
who shit her pants.
157
00:06:06,818 --> 00:06:08,320
No, we don't wanna hear it.
158
00:06:10,029 --> 00:06:10,931
PATRICIA: Garbage.
159
00:06:10,961 --> 00:06:12,379
ROB: That's my first bicycle helmet.
160
00:06:12,761 --> 00:06:14,263
- Garbage.
- That's my Frisbee.
161
00:06:14,476 --> 00:06:14,976
Garbage.
162
00:06:14,977 --> 00:06:16,813
You don't gotta throw both Frisbees away.
163
00:06:16,838 --> 00:06:18,612
- Garbage.
- That's a flipper.
164
00:06:18,897 --> 00:06:19,447
Garbage.
165
00:06:19,493 --> 00:06:21,365
That's a classic playboy magazine.
166
00:06:21,394 --> 00:06:21,944
Garbage.
167
00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:23,112
God.
168
00:06:23,886 --> 00:06:26,366
That's it, I'm gonna go through
the rest of your stuff tonight.
169
00:06:26,413 --> 00:06:28,653
Miranda might want some of
this stuff when she grows up.
170
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:30,604
The only thing Miranda's
gonna want when she grows up
171
00:06:30,605 --> 00:06:31,664
is your credit card.
172
00:06:31,843 --> 00:06:33,178
There's some really cool shit here
173
00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:34,320
I don't know about that.
174
00:06:34,373 --> 00:06:36,317
I think she'll be okay
without this tiki lamp.
175
00:06:36,348 --> 00:06:38,975
I got that tiki lamp my
senior year in high school.
176
00:06:39,017 --> 00:06:40,426
My trip, my senior trip.
177
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:42,087
And you've enjoyed it all these years.
178
00:06:42,228 --> 00:06:43,980
Now it's time to say goodbye.
179
00:06:44,022 --> 00:06:46,024
A lot of these things are antiques.
180
00:06:46,065 --> 00:06:48,943
I think you're confusing
antique with piece of shit.
181
00:06:49,445 --> 00:06:52,606
Besides, the only antique
I like in this house is you.
182
00:06:57,227 --> 00:06:59,404
Hey. What do you think you're doing?
183
00:06:59,694 --> 00:07:02,130
These things have
memories attached to them.
184
00:07:02,207 --> 00:07:04,384
You can choose two of
the things from in there.
185
00:07:04,426 --> 00:07:05,635
- Two?
- Yes.
186
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,752
- Now!
- Ok, well,
187
00:07:07,797 --> 00:07:08,363
um...
188
00:07:08,705 --> 00:07:10,232
Willie Mays baseball mitt
189
00:07:10,274 --> 00:07:12,658
and the My Sharona album.
190
00:07:12,871 --> 00:07:14,424
Okay, now pick one.
191
00:07:14,994 --> 00:07:16,680
But, you tricked me.
192
00:07:16,721 --> 00:07:17,939
Oops, I did.
193
00:07:18,281 --> 00:07:19,065
Pick one.
194
00:07:19,107 --> 00:07:20,566
The Willie Mays baseball mitt.
195
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,427
I want to keep the
Willie Mays baseball mitt.
196
00:07:22,468 --> 00:07:24,212
- Okay!
- Okay.
197
00:07:24,854 --> 00:07:27,232
Things are going to change around here.
198
00:07:27,273 --> 00:07:29,279
That's fine. Yeah.
199
00:07:29,622 --> 00:07:31,016
I can handle this.
200
00:07:31,058 --> 00:07:32,101
Good.
201
00:07:33,170 --> 00:07:35,170
? (Manic music) ?
202
00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:41,496
Don't worry about a thing.
203
00:07:41,538 --> 00:07:43,039
Just go to the park, have a good time.
204
00:07:43,081 --> 00:07:44,374
Take the Incredible Hulk with you
205
00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:45,625
I'll take care of everything.
206
00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,093
Okay, I'm trusting you.
207
00:07:47,135 --> 00:07:48,836
When you come home the house will be clean
208
00:07:48,878 --> 00:07:50,547
of bad energy and bad spirits.
209
00:07:50,789 --> 00:07:52,324
You better not be bullshitting me.
210
00:07:52,365 --> 00:07:53,820
Honey, I'm not going to bullshit you
211
00:07:53,868 --> 00:07:54,995
about something as important
212
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,544
as cleansing our house of spirits
213
00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:58,404
just so you'll continue
to have sex with me.
214
00:07:58,446 --> 00:08:00,332
You're right. That one I believe.
215
00:08:00,703 --> 00:08:02,705
I love you, see you later.
216
00:08:05,437 --> 00:08:07,321
Now what the fuck do I do?
217
00:08:09,315 --> 00:08:10,565
(Phone rings)
218
00:08:13,653 --> 00:08:14,820
Hello?
219
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,197
Hey George, it's Rob Schneider.
220
00:08:17,223 --> 00:08:18,600
Dude, how'd you get this number?
221
00:08:18,642 --> 00:08:19,509
You gave it to me.
222
00:08:19,951 --> 00:08:22,828
Rob, I don't remember giving you my number
223
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,289
but alright, what can I do for you?
224
00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:26,708
I've never asked you for a favour before.
225
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,400
And you know my wife is Mexican, right?
226
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,419
Yeah, okay.
227
00:08:29,461 --> 00:08:31,632
Well, she wants someone
to come and clean the house
228
00:08:31,663 --> 00:08:33,590
and I figured since
you're Mexican you might...
229
00:08:33,632 --> 00:08:35,941
Listen you racist cocksucker
are you fucking serious?
230
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,080
I don't clean houses,
mother fucker alright?
231
00:08:38,336 --> 00:08:39,838
Who told you to call me, Jay Leno?
232
00:08:39,979 --> 00:08:42,682
Listen puto, I got money
in the bank, mother fucker, shit.
233
00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:44,409
Not you clean the house.
234
00:08:44,468 --> 00:08:47,294
Like, somebody clean the
bad spirits out of the house.
235
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,745
Like a witch doctor or something.
236
00:08:48,772 --> 00:08:49,773
Do you know anybody?
237
00:08:50,052 --> 00:08:51,234
Oh, um...
238
00:08:51,479 --> 00:08:52,329
Shit. You know what?
239
00:08:52,358 --> 00:08:54,262
Actually I think I do
have something for you.
240
00:08:54,321 --> 00:08:54,989
You do?
241
00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:57,183
Yeah, let me run inside and go get it.
242
00:08:57,222 --> 00:08:58,890
Thanks pal, I love your old show.
243
00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:00,699
You should get another one.
244
00:09:01,535 --> 00:09:02,654
Fucking asshole.
245
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,543
- Hi.
- Hello.
246
00:09:10,585 --> 00:09:11,877
I'm Mauricio.
247
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,254
Thanks for coming by.
248
00:09:13,296 --> 00:09:14,839
You must be Rob.
249
00:09:18,648 --> 00:09:19,858
You know
250
00:09:20,479 --> 00:09:22,188
I'm a psychic.
251
00:09:22,718 --> 00:09:24,762
I feel there's a little distress with you.
252
00:09:25,224 --> 00:09:26,976
Yeah, I think you just broke my spine.
253
00:09:27,018 --> 00:09:28,018
(Laughs)
254
00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:30,896
George said that you were pretty funny.
255
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,698
George said I was pretty funny?
256
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,710
- What else did he say?
- Wait.
257
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:36,916
I feel something.
258
00:09:38,803 --> 00:09:39,804
What the fuck?
259
00:09:40,501 --> 00:09:41,707
Are you having a heart attack?
260
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,709
What's going on with your new TV show?
261
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:46,162
I do have a new TV show.
Maybe you are psychic.
262
00:09:46,204 --> 00:09:47,765
What, did you pick up some kind of vibe?
263
00:09:47,789 --> 00:09:50,208
No, I read it in the Hollywood Reporter.
264
00:09:50,249 --> 00:09:52,126
Well, it's in development.
265
00:09:52,168 --> 00:09:54,286
It's a good show, hopefully
will get on next season.
266
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:56,088
You know I can help you with that?
267
00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:57,965
(Mocking accent) Are you a TV writer?
268
00:09:58,007 --> 00:09:59,925
Or are you a network executive?
269
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,969
Or a TV producer?
270
00:10:02,011 --> 00:10:04,013
No, I can get rid of
all the negative energy
271
00:10:04,055 --> 00:10:05,931
that's surrounding you.
272
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,574
Don't get rid of all the negative energy,
273
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,810
I still need my mug.
274
00:10:08,852 --> 00:10:10,102
(Laughs)
275
00:10:17,026 --> 00:10:18,944
ROB: Patricia's gonna be pissed.
276
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:20,864
It's not very sanitary,
I have a live chicken
277
00:10:20,905 --> 00:10:22,398
running around on my kitchen counter.
278
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:23,949
You don't like chickens?
279
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,326
I like them in my sandwich.
280
00:10:25,368 --> 00:10:26,994
There's one more thing I need, Rob.
281
00:10:27,536 --> 00:10:28,621
I need weed.
282
00:10:29,325 --> 00:10:30,455
You need weed?
283
00:10:30,508 --> 00:10:31,757
I need weed.
284
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,635
What do you need weed for?
285
00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:36,379
I can't make the spirits go
away without the weed, Rob!
286
00:10:36,621 --> 00:10:41,246
This is California you can't just buy weed.
287
00:10:41,738 --> 00:10:42,289
Why?
288
00:10:42,331 --> 00:10:43,958
You need to get a marijuana licence.
289
00:10:47,098 --> 00:10:48,683
This is kind of embarrassing
290
00:10:48,725 --> 00:10:52,270
but my wife thinks there's
some bad energy in the house
291
00:10:52,311 --> 00:10:55,356
and we have a Dominican
witch doctor over there.
292
00:10:55,398 --> 00:10:57,066
He's trying to get the bad spirits out
293
00:10:57,108 --> 00:10:59,026
and he says he needs some marijuana.
294
00:11:02,102 --> 00:11:03,770
I'm sorry, I wasted your time.
295
00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,018
Okay.
296
00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:09,695
That's it?
297
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,832
I'm gonna get a license off of that?
298
00:11:12,874 --> 00:11:13,599
Mm-hmm.
299
00:11:15,831 --> 00:11:17,204
It's kind of a scam, huh?
300
00:11:18,079 --> 00:11:20,840
This whole medical marijuana thing.
301
00:11:20,882 --> 00:11:23,175
Just a big scam, right?
302
00:11:23,217 --> 00:11:25,595
Actually, no it's not a scam at all.
303
00:11:25,637 --> 00:11:28,222
You need medical marijuana
304
00:11:28,264 --> 00:11:29,891
for your Dominican witch doctor
305
00:11:29,933 --> 00:11:31,851
to get rid of the evil
spirits in your house.
306
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,605
If anyone needs medical marijuana,
307
00:11:35,647 --> 00:11:37,315
it's you.
308
00:11:39,924 --> 00:11:42,377
This is only good for the next seven years.
309
00:11:42,726 --> 00:11:45,114
- Seven years?
- Seven years.
310
00:11:45,846 --> 00:11:47,074
Alright, well.
311
00:11:47,116 --> 00:11:48,660
I bet your parents are proud
312
00:11:48,701 --> 00:11:51,319
they have a 'doctor' in the family.
313
00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:52,787
Yes.
314
00:11:54,260 --> 00:11:56,011
I like living in California.
315
00:11:56,225 --> 00:11:58,427
We have legal marijuana in California.
316
00:11:58,469 --> 00:12:01,751
Don't get me wrong, I'm not
a big pot smoking guy at all.
317
00:12:02,664 --> 00:12:04,941
I'm against what they have in Colorado.
318
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,300
Colorado, they have these pot clubs.
319
00:12:07,332 --> 00:12:09,943
I think... I think it's wrong.
320
00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:11,732
You shouldn't be able to just join a club
321
00:12:11,775 --> 00:12:13,526
and just get all the pot you want.
322
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,060
In California, we do it right.
323
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,598
You have to have a
medical marijuana licence.
324
00:12:19,524 --> 00:12:21,567
You have to see a medical marijuana doctor.
325
00:12:22,839 --> 00:12:24,950
They're gonna ask you questions too, like.
326
00:12:24,997 --> 00:12:26,790
"Do you have a major credit card?"
327
00:12:26,839 --> 00:12:28,339
(Laughter)
328
00:12:29,032 --> 00:12:31,076
And then you have to have a reason.
329
00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:33,069
You have to have a reason
330
00:12:33,102 --> 00:12:34,562
because you need medical marijuana.
331
00:12:34,594 --> 00:12:36,763
Like you know, 'Tuesdays make me sad.'
332
00:12:36,813 --> 00:12:38,063
(Laughter)
333
00:12:39,935 --> 00:12:41,428
'I'm scared of elbows.'
334
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:42,511
(Laughter)
335
00:12:43,981 --> 00:12:45,090
Or my favourite.
336
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,634
'I'm feeling anxious because
I'm almost out of fucking pot.'
337
00:12:47,691 --> 00:12:49,191
(Laughter)
338
00:12:51,380 --> 00:12:52,673
ROB: I need something powerful.
339
00:12:54,456 --> 00:12:56,834
Here you go. Scooby-Doo sativa.
340
00:12:57,387 --> 00:12:58,904
This will scare spirits away?
341
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,864
Oh yeah, it does everything.
342
00:13:02,191 --> 00:13:03,860
Okay, I'll take it.
343
00:13:10,522 --> 00:13:12,400
What is that for?
344
00:13:13,036 --> 00:13:14,077
That is unnecessary.
345
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,748
Son of a bitch.
346
00:13:16,789 --> 00:13:20,376
Leave this house now, gringo.
347
00:13:20,418 --> 00:13:21,502
Oh, God.
348
00:13:21,544 --> 00:13:22,789
(Speaking Spanish)
349
00:13:22,838 --> 00:13:24,653
Yo tengo el poder.
350
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,298
Leave this house, I say.
351
00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:28,175
What is that? That's disgusting.
352
00:13:28,217 --> 00:13:29,719
You're undoing all the good cleaning.
353
00:13:30,618 --> 00:13:32,697
Deja esta casa ahora mismo...
354
00:13:33,264 --> 00:13:34,840
What the... ?
355
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,341
The neighbours are going to think
356
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,543
there's a drug deal going on.
357
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:38,227
Fuck me!
358
00:13:38,269 --> 00:13:41,146
Leave in the name of me, Horatio.
359
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,695
This is some good shit, man.
360
00:13:44,107 --> 00:13:46,402
(Makes sounds)
361
00:13:48,683 --> 00:13:50,727
Oh, fuck.
362
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:52,823
(Rings a bell)
363
00:13:53,794 --> 00:13:55,063
It is finished.
364
00:13:55,315 --> 00:13:57,162
What's finished, my weed?
365
00:13:57,652 --> 00:13:58,899
The spirits...
366
00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:00,769
they're gone from this house.
367
00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:03,252
I have to lay down.
368
00:14:04,008 --> 00:14:06,511
I'm so fucking high right now, Rob.
369
00:14:08,299 --> 00:14:09,799
[???]
370
00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:18,666
Hi, baby. What did you do today?
371
00:14:18,904 --> 00:14:21,038
Not much, got a marijuana licence
372
00:14:21,073 --> 00:14:22,250
went to the marijuana store,
373
00:14:22,271 --> 00:14:23,689
George Lopez called me a racist,
374
00:14:23,731 --> 00:14:26,070
I paid a Dominican to spit
all over the floors and walls
375
00:14:26,102 --> 00:14:28,405
then had a live chicken run
on the counter for no reason.
376
00:14:28,444 --> 00:14:29,194
How was your day?
377
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,196
Good, thanks.
378
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,449
So, notice any difference?
379
00:14:33,491 --> 00:14:34,826
Let's see.
380
00:14:40,623 --> 00:14:43,208
Yeah, feels better in here.
381
00:14:44,476 --> 00:14:47,204
Well it should. We got
rid of all the spirits.
382
00:14:47,795 --> 00:14:49,509
And about 800 dollars.
383
00:14:49,747 --> 00:14:51,667
Hmm. Totally worth it.
384
00:14:51,927 --> 00:14:53,397
Anything to make you happy, baby.
385
00:14:53,439 --> 00:14:55,128
- You know that.
- Keep it that way.
386
00:14:55,289 --> 00:14:56,832
Always.
387
00:15:11,295 --> 00:15:13,172
(Sneezes)
388
00:15:13,856 --> 00:15:15,282
Dude.
389
00:15:16,252 --> 00:15:17,642
You gotta lock the door, man.
390
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:19,484
Anybody can just walk right in here.
391
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,795
It's a shitty neighborhood.
392
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,604
I'm kinda out of it.
393
00:15:23,083 --> 00:15:25,250
Hey, I need you to hang
on to this stuff, okay?
394
00:15:25,499 --> 00:15:27,500
No, my place is kinda small, man.
395
00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:29,130
Dude, this is your job.
396
00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:31,106
I don't think I have room for that stuff.
397
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:32,424
Look at all this shit.
398
00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:34,367
I should bring some of this crap
399
00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:35,412
over to the garage sale.
400
00:15:35,724 --> 00:15:37,809
Now this is some real garage sale crap.
401
00:15:38,193 --> 00:15:39,613
This is my stuff, man.
402
00:15:40,141 --> 00:15:42,185
Okay, I need you to do me a favour.
403
00:15:42,226 --> 00:15:43,519
Go back to the house
404
00:15:43,561 --> 00:15:45,307
and buy my My Sharona album right now.
405
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,636
I'm really sick, man.
406
00:15:46,678 --> 00:15:48,273
I shouldn't be going anywhere.
407
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:49,441
Don't do it for me.
408
00:15:50,812 --> 00:15:52,178
Do it to keep your job.
409
00:15:52,924 --> 00:15:53,863
Okay?
410
00:15:54,491 --> 00:15:55,684
Alright.
411
00:15:56,002 --> 00:15:57,652
Find a good place for that, okay?
412
00:15:57,705 --> 00:15:58,705
(Sneezes)
413
00:15:58,753 --> 00:15:59,632
See you, pal.
414
00:16:01,245 --> 00:16:03,205
Call my stuff shit... (mutters)
415
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,334
(???)
416
00:16:14,366 --> 00:16:16,535
PATRICIA: Everything on
that table is two dollars.
417
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,229
Or make me an offer.
418
00:16:26,581 --> 00:16:28,367
So many treasures.
419
00:16:28,699 --> 00:16:32,369
Oh, how much for the My Sharona album?
420
00:16:32,375 --> 00:16:33,318
One dollar.
421
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,946
Oh, you drive a hard bargain, but okay.
422
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,091
Alright, thank you.
423
00:16:39,138 --> 00:16:40,238
(Sneezes)
424
00:16:43,454 --> 00:16:44,613
Jamie.
425
00:16:46,971 --> 00:16:48,629
What are you doing here?
426
00:16:48,693 --> 00:16:49,577
No, I just...
427
00:16:49,804 --> 00:16:52,807
I told you to go home, you're sick.
428
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:54,515
Rob sent you here?
429
00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,373
No, I've always wanted this album
430
00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:58,944
and wearing fake moustaches
always makes me feel better.
431
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,174
Get out, now. Get out.
432
00:17:01,198 --> 00:17:02,468
Yeah, okay.
433
00:17:02,507 --> 00:17:03,376
Give me that.
434
00:17:03,424 --> 00:17:04,614
No, but I...
435
00:17:05,572 --> 00:17:07,608
Can I have my five dollars back?
436
00:17:07,629 --> 00:17:08,229
No.
437
00:17:08,556 --> 00:17:11,334
Can I have five dollars
credit for something else?
438
00:17:11,388 --> 00:17:12,681
Get out, Jamie!
439
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:21,600
PATRICIA: Mmm.
440
00:17:22,828 --> 00:17:24,528
Smells good in here.
441
00:17:24,851 --> 00:17:26,874
I'm just making a little
chicken soup for Jamie.
442
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:29,121
Thought it might make
him feel a little better.
443
00:17:29,169 --> 00:17:30,915
That doesn't sound like you.
444
00:17:31,223 --> 00:17:32,974
I have a nice side too.
445
00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:35,156
Mmh. Let me taste a little bit.
446
00:17:35,214 --> 00:17:36,250
Don't eat that!
447
00:17:36,776 --> 00:17:37,839
It's not safe.
448
00:17:38,037 --> 00:17:39,455
I'm Mexican, I can eat anything.
449
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,428
It's not safe!
450
00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:43,586
It's safe for Jamie,
451
00:17:43,692 --> 00:17:44,807
it's not safe for us.
452
00:17:45,825 --> 00:17:47,510
What kind of soup is that?
453
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:49,312
It's a soup that bit me pretty hard
454
00:17:49,353 --> 00:17:50,785
about an hour ago.
455
00:17:54,317 --> 00:17:57,695
ROB: Did you at least eat
the chicken soup I gave you?
456
00:17:57,736 --> 00:17:58,913
Come on.
457
00:17:58,955 --> 00:18:01,059
I don't think I can make
it in to work tomorrow, man.
458
00:18:01,115 --> 00:18:02,385
ROB: What is wrong with you now?
459
00:18:02,421 --> 00:18:03,421
(Farts)
460
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:04,841
I have some sort of...
461
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:05,410
(Poops)
462
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,330
Stomach virus, sharp pains.
463
00:18:07,371 --> 00:18:08,580
ROB: You know what you have?
464
00:18:08,622 --> 00:18:10,499
You're a pussy, that's
what you are, a pussy.
465
00:18:10,541 --> 00:18:12,626
I'm scared, man.
466
00:18:12,668 --> 00:18:13,668
(Farts)
467
00:18:14,086 --> 00:18:15,420
ROB: Will you stop complaining?
468
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,588
You don't want me there.
469
00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:18,007
ROB: Get in to work.
470
00:18:18,049 --> 00:18:19,787
I've never been this sick.
471
00:18:20,501 --> 00:18:21,732
I think I was poisoned.
472
00:18:21,797 --> 00:18:22,923
(Poops)
473
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,339
Rob.
474
00:18:26,949 --> 00:18:27,949
(Farts)
475
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,237
When guys get sick, they don't do anything.
476
00:18:31,429 --> 00:18:32,880
Guys are wusses.
477
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,671
But women still want to do stuff
478
00:18:34,706 --> 00:18:35,816
when they're sick.
479
00:18:35,858 --> 00:18:38,413
No, (Coughs) please let me do something.
480
00:18:38,477 --> 00:18:40,154
Please, I insist.
481
00:18:41,235 --> 00:18:42,640
I want to help.
482
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:43,624
(Coughs)
483
00:18:44,046 --> 00:18:45,346
Let me be helpful.
484
00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:46,493
Let me do something.
485
00:18:46,991 --> 00:18:48,324
I'll do the dishes.
486
00:18:49,058 --> 00:18:50,558
(Laughter)
487
00:18:53,547 --> 00:18:55,251
What they're really saying is...
488
00:18:55,823 --> 00:18:58,378
Why doesn't he change places with me?
489
00:18:58,423 --> 00:19:00,812
Or make me some tea or massage my feet
490
00:19:00,844 --> 00:19:03,538
or buy me flowers like he used
to when we were first dating?
491
00:19:03,572 --> 00:19:05,566
Doesn't he see how sick I am?
492
00:19:06,756 --> 00:19:07,522
I'll tell you why.
493
00:19:07,557 --> 00:19:09,085
Because the guy's looking over, going.
494
00:19:09,117 --> 00:19:11,124
'Oh, she must be feeling
better, she's doing shit.'
495
00:19:11,164 --> 00:19:12,414
(Laughter)
496
00:19:15,396 --> 00:19:17,356
I'm gonna try to bang her later.
497
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,968
'Get that out of me!'
498
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,579
Sorry honey, I thought
you were feeling better.
499
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:27,923
Well, you were right.
500
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:29,787
I know.
501
00:19:30,296 --> 00:19:31,840
Just spent the last three hours
502
00:19:31,867 --> 00:19:35,293
putting my useless bacteria
ridden possessions out to the curb.
503
00:19:35,833 --> 00:19:37,710
I'm proud of you for
getting rid of your stuff.
504
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:39,504
I know it was hard.
505
00:19:40,191 --> 00:19:41,132
It was.
506
00:19:41,173 --> 00:19:43,695
When you get rid of all that old stuff
507
00:19:43,743 --> 00:19:45,803
you're making room in
your life for new stuff.
508
00:19:46,637 --> 00:19:48,346
Maybe, I mean, yeah.
509
00:19:49,407 --> 00:19:52,495
Me, Miranda, your new TV show.
510
00:19:52,542 --> 00:19:53,995
Another baby?
511
00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:55,771
No, you're still getting a vasectomy.
512
00:19:57,249 --> 00:19:59,709
Hey, to show you how proud of you I am
513
00:20:00,082 --> 00:20:01,518
I have something for you.
514
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:02,294
What?
515
00:20:02,312 --> 00:20:03,344
Close your eyes.
516
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:07,944
Open.
517
00:20:08,873 --> 00:20:09,976
Oh.
518
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:12,046
Thank you.
519
00:20:12,074 --> 00:20:13,503
You're welcome.
520
00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:14,941
Look at those tits.
521
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,252
Thank you, baby.
522
00:20:19,064 --> 00:20:20,151
You know...
523
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,057
you and Miranda are
way more important to me
524
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,017
than any stuff.
525
00:20:51,335 --> 00:20:52,544
Okay, baby.
526
00:20:57,666 --> 00:20:59,918
Shh, shh, shh.
527
00:21:01,417 --> 00:21:03,624
Can you at least take the baseballs out
528
00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:05,468
so she can sleep.
529
00:21:07,503 --> 00:21:09,254
Yeah, okay.
530
00:21:13,769 --> 00:21:14,978
(Unclear)
531
00:21:22,558 --> 00:21:23,559
Ted Williams.
532
00:21:27,437 --> 00:21:29,437
[???]
533
00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:35,499
Wow, that was a little
aggressive don't you think?
534
00:21:35,547 --> 00:21:37,112
I thought you liked that kind of stuff.
535
00:21:37,151 --> 00:21:38,302
Holy shit!
536
00:21:38,334 --> 00:21:38,902
What?
537
00:21:38,934 --> 00:21:40,322
What's this?
538
00:21:42,204 --> 00:21:43,736
It better go away by tonight.
539
00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:45,418
It just says 'fun sex life'.
540
00:21:45,453 --> 00:21:47,622
This says domestic abuse.
541
00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:48,509
No.
542
00:21:48,551 --> 00:21:51,142
People just think we have a fun sex life.
543
00:21:52,142 --> 00:21:53,650
I don't know about we.
544
00:21:53,681 --> 00:21:54,639
What are you saying?
545
00:21:55,038 --> 00:21:56,530
You ever even ask me?
546
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,095
I just assumed that if there was something
547
00:21:59,237 --> 00:22:00,562
that you wanted that would
548
00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:02,095
make our sex life more interesting
549
00:22:02,127 --> 00:22:03,324
I mean, you'd tell me.
550
00:22:03,708 --> 00:22:04,833
Yes there is.
551
00:22:05,097 --> 00:22:07,041
Get me batteries for my toy.
552
00:22:12,358 --> 00:22:13,580
I'm not doing it.
553
00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:18,707
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554
00:22:18,757 --> 00:22:23,307
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