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1
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If you have a successful marriage
2
00:00:01,327 --> 00:00:02,954
you know what the secret is.
3
00:00:02,997 --> 00:00:04,182
What is the secret?
4
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,973
The secret to successful marriage
5
00:00:07,413 --> 00:00:09,733
is never give a shit
6
00:00:09,872 --> 00:00:12,759
about anything ever again, ever.
7
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Complete capitulation and surrender,
8
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you know, like
9
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"I think you should
wear that mint sweater."
10
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:26,635
"Yeah, fuck it. I'll put it
on. Let's get out of here."
11
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(Laughter)
12
00:00:30,326 --> 00:00:31,910
"I feel like Thai food."
13
00:00:32,451 --> 00:00:34,344
"Yeah, we just ate it
two nights ago. Fuck it.
14
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We'll go out and get it
again. Come on, let's go."
15
00:00:36,417 --> 00:00:39,253
"Don't come in me." "I
wouldn't dream of it."
16
00:00:43,726 --> 00:00:45,387
"I hate your family."
17
00:00:45,427 --> 00:00:48,096
"We don't ever have to
see them ever again, ever.
18
00:00:48,136 --> 00:00:49,636
(Laughter)
19
00:00:49,878 --> 00:00:51,998
Where's my phone? "Mom."
20
00:00:52,076 --> 00:00:54,189
Delete. Right there.
21
00:00:54,229 --> 00:00:55,729
(Laughter)
22
00:00:55,746 --> 00:00:57,740
Mom's gone. She's gone now.
23
00:01:03,538 --> 00:01:06,375
Can we just have one more kid?
24
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:08,499
You're almost 50.
25
00:01:08,539 --> 00:01:11,500
We got one healthy kid and that's a miracle
26
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considering you're a spermasaurus.
27
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,500
I'm 49. I'm not like, 70.
28
00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:18,668
Honey, you don't have the
energy or the patience.
29
00:01:18,708 --> 00:01:21,752
The last time we had sex you
needed to take a power nap.
30
00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:23,501
I always take a nap after.
31
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:25,711
You took one right in the middle.
32
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:26,994
I don't remember that.
33
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(Phone vibrates)
34
00:01:28,134 --> 00:01:29,419
Excuse me.
35
00:01:29,458 --> 00:01:30,084
Hello?
36
00:01:30,126 --> 00:01:31,752
Hey, got an offer for you.
37
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,902
- Is it a movie?
- No, it's a commercial.
38
00:01:34,042 --> 00:01:35,941
I told you, I don't do commercials.
39
00:01:35,984 --> 00:01:37,072
Well, I got the offer
40
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,869
and I got to bring it
to you, man. It's my job.
41
00:01:38,909 --> 00:01:40,803
But look, hey, it's totally up to you.
42
00:01:40,844 --> 00:01:42,087
I would never try and talk you into
43
00:01:42,127 --> 00:01:43,420
something you wouldn't want to do.
44
00:01:43,460 --> 00:01:45,087
Yet, here you are trying to
talk me into doing something
45
00:01:45,128 --> 00:01:46,296
I don't want to do.
46
00:01:46,337 --> 00:01:48,422
Well, 10% of something is something.
47
00:01:48,461 --> 00:01:49,754
What is it?
48
00:01:49,795 --> 00:01:52,014
The product is called "Prostate Pro."
49
00:01:52,053 --> 00:01:53,339
Prostate Pro?
50
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,997
Yeah. It's for a healthy prostate.
51
00:01:55,037 --> 00:01:57,047
Yeah, I figured it was
for something like that.
52
00:01:57,087 --> 00:01:59,390
Look, I'm trying to get a new TV show on.
53
00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:01,573
The last thing I need is
for people to start thinking
54
00:02:01,613 --> 00:02:02,748
there's something wrong with my plumbing.
55
00:02:02,788 --> 00:02:05,533
Dude, it's half a million
dollars for two days of work.
56
00:02:05,572 --> 00:02:07,373
That is a lot of money.
57
00:02:07,414 --> 00:02:09,909
Call me when you have
something less career-ending.
58
00:02:10,048 --> 00:02:11,465
Oh my God.
59
00:02:14,663 --> 00:02:15,765
I got an offer.
60
00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:20,040
Yeah.
61
00:02:20,549 --> 00:02:25,470
(???)
62
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:33,470
(???)
63
00:02:35,551 --> 00:02:37,511
Have they started running
these ads in Taiwan yet?
64
00:02:37,552 --> 00:02:39,929
Yeah, they start in Taipei next week.
65
00:02:39,969 --> 00:02:41,595
Some part of China, like...
66
00:02:41,635 --> 00:02:45,214
(Speaking foreign language)
67
00:02:45,253 --> 00:02:46,413
(Mimics foreign language)
68
00:02:46,452 --> 00:02:47,412
- Goes without saying.
- Yes
69
00:02:47,453 --> 00:02:49,362
They're going to go crazy
in (Mimics foreign language).
70
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:51,555
- For sure.
- I'm fucking huge over there.
71
00:02:51,594 --> 00:02:54,139
All right. Ladies and gentleman.
72
00:02:54,179 --> 00:02:56,514
Thank you, members of Chinese press
73
00:02:56,554 --> 00:03:00,350
for attending T station
launch of the new product.
74
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:01,723
We are very lucky to have
75
00:03:01,763 --> 00:03:04,558
big super movie star from Hollywood.
76
00:03:04,596 --> 00:03:06,807
Please welcome Rob Schneider,
77
00:03:06,847 --> 00:03:09,808
the man who now has a functional penis.
78
00:03:09,848 --> 00:03:13,518
(Applause)
79
00:03:13,557 --> 00:03:15,100
Functional penis?
80
00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:17,226
My penis is fine.
81
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,559
Nothing wrong with my dick.
82
00:03:19,598 --> 00:03:22,435
Is that okay if I speak Mandarin?
83
00:03:22,474 --> 00:03:24,518
Oh yeah. Mandarin it up.
84
00:03:24,558 --> 00:03:26,018
Okay.
85
00:03:55,204 --> 00:03:57,051
And now to say a few words,
86
00:03:57,175 --> 00:03:58,314
Rob Schneider.
87
00:03:58,355 --> 00:03:59,480
Thank you, Jimmy.
88
00:04:01,071 --> 00:04:03,448
First of all, I want to thank Jimmy.
89
00:04:03,488 --> 00:04:05,066
- You're welcome.
- T station,
90
00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:06,298
members of the Chinese media,
91
00:04:06,605 --> 00:04:08,524
and the Taiwanese media.
92
00:04:08,564 --> 00:04:10,583
(Mimics foreign language)
93
00:04:10,923 --> 00:04:14,025
Thanks guys, and my wife Patricia,
94
00:04:14,064 --> 00:04:15,482
and my beautiful baby Miranda.
95
00:04:17,565 --> 00:04:18,607
Love you guys.
96
00:04:18,648 --> 00:04:22,927
Anyway, it's good shit.
97
00:04:22,966 --> 00:04:24,966
(Applause)
98
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,885
- Should I drink it?
- Yeah. Drink it.
99
00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:33,727
Doesn't have that Viagra
shit in there, does it?
100
00:04:33,767 --> 00:04:36,270
- No. I don't think so.
- Okay.
101
00:04:38,776 --> 00:04:41,529
Actually, it does.
102
00:04:41,568 --> 00:04:44,696
- You just said it didn't.
- I was joking.
103
00:04:44,736 --> 00:04:46,905
It's not fucking funny.
104
00:04:46,944 --> 00:04:48,446
Where's my money?
105
00:04:52,453 --> 00:04:54,113
(Mimics foreign language)
106
00:04:54,154 --> 00:04:56,598
This almost makes up for
you making fun of my dick.
107
00:04:56,737 --> 00:04:58,154
(Foreign language)
108
00:04:59,988 --> 00:05:01,531
We got to get out of here. Now.
109
00:05:01,571 --> 00:05:04,715
Yeah, but should we get
something to eat first? Please?
110
00:05:04,754 --> 00:05:06,798
I drank some of that Boba shit.
111
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,732
Come on. I feel like some dim sum.
112
00:05:08,772 --> 00:05:11,341
I feel like I'm going to knock
over this table with my dick.
113
00:05:15,865 --> 00:05:20,036
The good thing about
being Jewish is we knew
114
00:05:20,074 --> 00:05:21,924
on Christmas you can
always have Chinese food,
115
00:05:21,924 --> 00:05:23,334
because the Chinese
116
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:26,118
don't give a fuck about
any holiday or anything.
117
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:27,158
(Chinese accent)
118
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,601
Oh, it's Christmas? Fuck. We open.
119
00:05:28,633 --> 00:05:30,584
Come on in. Fuck Jesus. We don't care.
120
00:05:30,624 --> 00:05:31,534
Come on down.
121
00:05:31,575 --> 00:05:35,345
Just because he die, we
have to be no make no money?
122
00:05:35,383 --> 00:05:36,910
Fuck, no way.
123
00:05:38,149 --> 00:05:39,649
Bullshit.
124
00:05:40,384 --> 00:05:42,384
What? The president assassinated?
125
00:05:42,452 --> 00:05:44,745
Come on. Two for one buffet. Come on down.
126
00:05:44,784 --> 00:05:46,103
We don't give a fuck.
127
00:05:46,344 --> 00:05:47,779
9/11? Come on.
128
00:05:47,818 --> 00:05:49,871
We got nine different kinds of meats,
129
00:05:49,911 --> 00:05:51,795
11 different kind of vegetable."
130
00:05:55,604 --> 00:05:58,249
- Jimmy's a lunatic, huh?
- Yes.
131
00:05:59,486 --> 00:06:01,021
Look who's there.
132
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:02,781
There you go.
133
00:06:03,829 --> 00:06:05,581
Okay, baby. I'll be right back.
134
00:06:05,621 --> 00:06:07,123
What? Where are you going?
135
00:06:07,164 --> 00:06:09,964
Udo's driving Miranda
and I to the baby class.
136
00:06:10,055 --> 00:06:10,951
It's Thursday.
137
00:06:11,276 --> 00:06:13,107
I thought we had plans.
138
00:06:13,147 --> 00:06:15,023
What am I going to do
when this thing kicks in?
139
00:06:15,064 --> 00:06:17,008
What do you do when you're on the road?
140
00:06:17,048 --> 00:06:18,741
I don't want to spend that kind of money.
141
00:06:18,782 --> 00:06:19,859
I'll be right back.
142
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,357
Don't waste it.
143
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,140
_
144
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:37,044
What are you talking about, stalker?
145
00:06:37,084 --> 00:06:39,002
I got to show you something.
146
00:06:39,959 --> 00:06:41,836
I know. They're at the playground.
147
00:06:41,877 --> 00:06:44,671
If I wanted to go, I'd
go. It's better this way.
148
00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:47,871
Are you kidding me? There's
no Rob. There's no you.
149
00:06:47,910 --> 00:06:49,870
They look like a happy family.
150
00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:53,512
When did you take this?
151
00:06:53,552 --> 00:06:55,345
It's happening right now.
152
00:06:55,386 --> 00:06:57,304
You got a camera in there?
153
00:06:58,186 --> 00:07:01,489
I don't want you watching my
family anymore. You got that?
154
00:07:05,379 --> 00:07:07,572
Unless it's something you
really think I need to know,
155
00:07:09,672 --> 00:07:11,758
or if there's some strange
guy in the neighborhood,
156
00:07:15,048 --> 00:07:16,674
or if the alarm system's out.
157
00:07:27,991 --> 00:07:28,992
Hey Rob.
158
00:07:29,132 --> 00:07:30,885
Dick's looking good.
159
00:07:30,925 --> 00:07:32,300
Same to you, pal.
160
00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:44,670
Does that stuff really work?
161
00:07:44,709 --> 00:07:45,776
What stuff?
162
00:07:46,101 --> 00:07:47,242
The Chinese shit.
163
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,853
What Chinese shit?
164
00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:50,445
The dick tea.
165
00:07:50,485 --> 00:07:52,485
How did you hear about that?
166
00:07:52,495 --> 00:07:53,754
Excuse me a minute.
167
00:07:53,778 --> 00:07:55,136
Can I help you with something?
168
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:02,567
(???)
169
00:08:09,078 --> 00:08:10,898
Holy shit!
170
00:08:11,613 --> 00:08:12,939
Fuck.
171
00:08:18,172 --> 00:08:20,257
You've got to be fucking shitting me!
172
00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:33,727
Mr. Rob Schneider. How are you, my friend?
173
00:08:33,725 --> 00:08:34,987
Dude, what the fuck?
174
00:08:35,042 --> 00:08:37,206
I just saw a Boba Viagra billboard.
175
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:37,934
Where?
176
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,255
On Sunset Boulevard. Right here in LA.
177
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:41,977
Is that a good place for it?
178
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,232
I don't give a shit. It's
not supposed to be there.
179
00:08:44,231 --> 00:08:46,912
300,000 people drive by here every day.
180
00:08:46,911 --> 00:08:48,394
That's pretty good.
181
00:08:48,393 --> 00:08:49,265
No, it's not good.
182
00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:51,563
I'm sorry. It's advertising company.
183
00:08:51,603 --> 00:08:54,647
We paid them and they put
a sign where they want.
184
00:08:54,686 --> 00:08:57,538
You never said I would
be on a billboard in LA.
185
00:08:57,551 --> 00:09:00,275
That ad was only supposed to be in Taiwan
186
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:01,800
and some obscure parts of China.
187
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,339
What do you want me to do?
188
00:09:03,338 --> 00:09:04,568
Take them down.
189
00:09:05,010 --> 00:09:06,867
It sounds like a pretty good spot.
190
00:09:06,866 --> 00:09:08,375
That's not the point, Jimmy.
191
00:09:08,390 --> 00:09:11,564
I can't have 300,000 people
thinking my dick's no good.
192
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:13,320
Fuck!
193
00:09:16,814 --> 00:09:18,983
(Giggling)
194
00:09:21,274 --> 00:09:23,525
(All laughing)
195
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:25,775
You suck!
196
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,567
Suck it!
197
00:09:27,607 --> 00:09:28,775
Suck it, hard!
198
00:09:32,417 --> 00:09:33,630
Sorry.
199
00:09:43,164 --> 00:09:44,666
Hey.
200
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,030
What happened to your?
201
00:09:50,759 --> 00:09:52,970
I got upset and it went away.
202
00:09:53,781 --> 00:09:54,712
I wasted it.
203
00:09:55,079 --> 00:09:56,205
What's wrong?
204
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:57,694
What's wrong?
205
00:09:57,694 --> 00:09:59,488
Everyone in town thinks
206
00:09:59,528 --> 00:10:01,561
there's something wrong with my dick.
207
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,115
I swear I only told Angie
208
00:10:04,115 --> 00:10:05,884
and she promises not to say anything,
209
00:10:05,883 --> 00:10:07,643
but when she drinks she...
210
00:10:07,643 --> 00:10:09,083
It's not Angie.
211
00:10:09,778 --> 00:10:11,465
It's that Viagra Boba crap.
212
00:10:12,146 --> 00:10:13,752
There's a huge billboard of me
213
00:10:13,752 --> 00:10:15,783
drinking that shit right here in LA.
214
00:10:16,178 --> 00:10:17,740
Didn't you guys have a contract?
215
00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:20,240
Yeah. Bag of cash contract.
216
00:10:21,213 --> 00:10:23,108
I don't think it's that big of a deal.
217
00:10:23,107 --> 00:10:24,567
How can you say that?
218
00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:27,369
They say there's no such
thing as bad publicity, right?
219
00:10:27,368 --> 00:10:28,575
Whoever said that
220
00:10:28,616 --> 00:10:30,500
never had their erection questioned
221
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:32,365
on a major thoroughfare.
222
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,741
Look, don't change anything.
223
00:10:38,741 --> 00:10:40,743
Just give me a minute.
224
00:10:40,742 --> 00:10:42,869
It'll come back.
225
00:10:42,868 --> 00:10:44,327
It usually does.
226
00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:48,498
Ow!
227
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,537
Horsey, horsey, horsey.
228
00:10:57,829 --> 00:10:58,781
Hey, Udo,
229
00:10:58,782 --> 00:11:00,567
Patricia asked me to give you the day off.
230
00:11:01,113 --> 00:11:01,786
Really?
231
00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:04,238
Yeah. So, why don't you go home?
232
00:11:04,783 --> 00:11:05,863
But I live here.
233
00:11:06,401 --> 00:11:07,675
That's right.
234
00:11:07,675 --> 00:11:09,635
Why don't you go to the gym?
235
00:11:09,634 --> 00:11:11,511
Okay. Thanks.
236
00:11:11,511 --> 00:11:13,472
See you later, little lady.
237
00:11:15,205 --> 00:11:16,581
(Babbles)
238
00:11:24,343 --> 00:11:25,166
Where's Udo?
239
00:11:25,207 --> 00:11:27,086
Oh, he asked me if he could go to the gym
240
00:11:27,085 --> 00:11:28,425
and I said, "Sure. Why not?"
241
00:11:28,425 --> 00:11:29,024
Really?
242
00:11:29,025 --> 00:11:31,293
Yeah. He said he's spending
a lot of time with the baby
243
00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:32,330
and needed a little break.
244
00:11:32,330 --> 00:11:34,398
What's Miranda having for breakfast?
245
00:11:34,397 --> 00:11:35,436
The usual.
246
00:11:35,436 --> 00:11:37,323
How do you know? You never feed her.
247
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,622
I've seen her eat before.
248
00:11:38,622 --> 00:11:40,575
I know which hole the food goes into.
249
00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:41,730
I have a meeting.
250
00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:43,475
Are you sure you can
handle this by yourself?
251
00:11:43,474 --> 00:11:44,892
Of course.
252
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,643
Hey, is Udo going to take
her to her Gymboree class?
253
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:50,184
No. I'm going to take her.
254
00:11:51,191 --> 00:11:53,540
And just bring an extra outfit too.
255
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,689
In case she throws up.
256
00:11:54,689 --> 00:11:56,834
Extra outfit. Good idea. Thanks.
257
00:11:57,248 --> 00:11:59,223
And bring extra milk.
258
00:11:59,222 --> 00:12:00,587
Okay. Milk. Yeah. Got it.
259
00:12:01,256 --> 00:12:02,517
And the diaper bag.
260
00:12:02,517 --> 00:12:03,643
Okay. You got it.
261
00:12:03,643 --> 00:12:05,102
Diaper bag, extra clothing, extra milk.
262
00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:07,000
Done, done, and done and done.
263
00:12:08,484 --> 00:12:10,249
Last but not least,
264
00:12:10,795 --> 00:12:12,306
don't kill my baby.
265
00:12:14,452 --> 00:12:16,287
Okay. Don't kill the baby.
266
00:12:16,287 --> 00:12:17,497
I love you.
267
00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:19,549
Thank you.
268
00:12:19,549 --> 00:12:21,121
Have a good meeting.
269
00:12:27,066 --> 00:12:29,484
? If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands ?
270
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:30,486
(clap, clap)
271
00:12:30,486 --> 00:12:32,959
? If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands ?
272
00:12:32,958 --> 00:12:33,958
(clap, clap)
273
00:12:33,958 --> 00:12:35,942
? If you're happy and you know it, ?
274
00:12:35,942 --> 00:12:37,443
? And you really oughta show it ?
275
00:12:37,442 --> 00:12:39,667
? If you're happy and you
know it, clap your hands ?
276
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:40,634
(clap, clap)
277
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:43,206
? If you're happy and you
know it, shout hooray ?
278
00:12:43,204 --> 00:12:44,689
Hooray!
279
00:12:44,992 --> 00:12:46,827
? If you're happy and you know it, ?
280
00:12:46,826 --> 00:12:48,494
? And you really oughta show it ?
281
00:12:48,494 --> 00:12:50,830
? If you're happy and you
know it, shout hooray ?
282
00:12:50,829 --> 00:12:52,039
Hooray!
283
00:12:52,209 --> 00:12:54,388
- Hello?
- It's Andy, returning your call.
284
00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:56,719
Oh, we can't have cell phones in class.
285
00:12:56,718 --> 00:12:58,297
It's okay. I'm famous.
286
00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:00,017
Yeah. I got to talk to you.
287
00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:02,627
Will you hold her for a second?
288
00:13:03,011 --> 00:13:04,305
Hey listen.
289
00:13:04,345 --> 00:13:07,099
I made a cash deal to
promote some dumb product,
290
00:13:07,098 --> 00:13:08,974
but it was only supposed to be in Taiwan,
291
00:13:08,973 --> 00:13:10,349
and now it's here.
292
00:13:10,888 --> 00:13:12,390
How much did you get paid?
293
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:14,515
50,000, cash. You know, fun money.
294
00:13:14,554 --> 00:13:15,847
Okay. Listen to me.
295
00:13:15,888 --> 00:13:18,766
The first thing you have to do
is give me five thousand cash.
296
00:13:18,806 --> 00:13:20,599
What? I get 10%.
297
00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:21,765
But you didn't get me the gig.
298
00:13:21,806 --> 00:13:24,434
If you get a blowjob, I want 10%.
299
00:13:24,474 --> 00:13:26,267
Why would you want 10% of a blowjob?
300
00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:28,298
You know what, man?
Here's a better question.
301
00:13:28,298 --> 00:13:30,568
Why you would turn down
half a million dollars
302
00:13:30,567 --> 00:13:32,780
for Prostate Pro, and
then turn around and do
303
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:35,865
a giant Viagra tea billboard for 50,000?
304
00:13:35,863 --> 00:13:37,116
Because obviously,
305
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:38,456
I didn't think anyone would ever see it.
306
00:13:38,456 --> 00:13:39,601
Well guess what, man?
307
00:13:39,642 --> 00:13:41,269
About 100 people have already
texted me a photo of it
308
00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:43,787
and I got to tell you,
my dick is embarrassed.
309
00:13:43,786 --> 00:13:45,519
Shit. You help me take it down,
310
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,270
and I'll give you the
10% that you didn't earn.
311
00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:48,685
Fine. I'll help you.
312
00:13:48,726 --> 00:13:49,978
Thank you.
313
00:13:50,018 --> 00:13:51,603
For 10 thousand.
314
00:13:51,643 --> 00:13:53,812
10 thousand? Suck my dick.
315
00:13:53,851 --> 00:13:55,770
Are you fucking kidding me?
316
00:13:55,811 --> 00:13:56,979
Excuse me?
317
00:13:57,019 --> 00:13:58,604
I got to go.
318
00:13:58,644 --> 00:14:02,356
(Baby crying)
319
00:14:03,853 --> 00:14:05,063
What did you do?
320
00:14:05,104 --> 00:14:07,460
She threw up. It's okay.
It happens sometimes.
321
00:14:07,459 --> 00:14:08,688
What am I supposed to do?
322
00:14:08,729 --> 00:14:11,042
You brought a change of
clothes for her, right?
323
00:14:11,041 --> 00:14:12,874
Of course I brought a change of clothes.
324
00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:14,424
I'm not an idiot.
325
00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:15,815
Change of clothes.
326
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:18,757
I've got like, four changes of clothes
327
00:14:18,756 --> 00:14:19,646
in the car.
328
00:14:20,647 --> 00:14:22,781
I am sorry about this.
329
00:14:23,836 --> 00:14:25,691
Sorry. I'll just.
330
00:14:26,619 --> 00:14:29,206
I'll get some of that, just.
331
00:14:31,649 --> 00:14:32,691
Okay.
332
00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:35,794
I'm going to go change of clothes.
333
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:38,504
You probably should
get a change of clothes.
334
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:56,129
Okay
335
00:14:56,454 --> 00:14:57,763
what are we doing here?
336
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,138
See those guys over there?
337
00:15:01,024 --> 00:15:03,055
These guys are professional spray painters.
338
00:15:03,055 --> 00:15:04,654
I want you to go over there and tell them
339
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,712
I want them to spray
paint over a billboard.
340
00:15:06,712 --> 00:15:07,690
What?
341
00:15:07,711 --> 00:15:08,734
Yeah.
342
00:15:09,118 --> 00:15:11,991
Tell them they can spray paint
whatever gang slogans they want.
343
00:15:11,997 --> 00:15:13,133
I don't care.
344
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:14,001
Why me?
345
00:15:14,001 --> 00:15:15,702
Because you're their age.
346
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:18,235
You're wearing flannel.
They're wearing flannel.
347
00:15:18,234 --> 00:15:20,008
But you made me wear this shirt.
348
00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:21,330
Yes I did.
349
00:15:22,052 --> 00:15:23,879
I don't feel comfortable with this.
350
00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,540
Look. Here, put this on.
351
00:15:25,539 --> 00:15:27,469
You blew your nose with that.
352
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:29,555
Yeah, I know. Just once.
353
00:15:31,238 --> 00:15:33,865
Yeah. Looks good.
354
00:15:33,864 --> 00:15:35,241
Those guys are dangerous.
355
00:15:35,241 --> 00:15:36,825
This will help too.
356
00:15:37,886 --> 00:15:39,512
Are you drawing a dick on my face?
357
00:15:39,511 --> 00:15:41,188
No. They'll respect this.
358
00:15:41,188 --> 00:15:42,605
All their fathers have these.
359
00:15:42,906 --> 00:15:44,351
Is that a permanent marker?
360
00:15:44,351 --> 00:15:45,618
What's permanent, really?
361
00:15:45,659 --> 00:15:46,994
I'm not doing this!
362
00:15:46,994 --> 00:15:48,332
Don't wake up the baby.
363
00:15:48,332 --> 00:15:49,236
I'm not doing this.
364
00:15:49,236 --> 00:15:50,958
Go, or you're fired.
365
00:15:56,394 --> 00:15:57,810
You'll be fine.
366
00:16:13,861 --> 00:16:15,447
Hello there.
367
00:16:22,498 --> 00:16:24,375
The fuck you want, ese?
368
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,152
Well, I couldn't help but noticing
369
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:29,286
that you guys are really
good at spray painting.
370
00:16:29,284 --> 00:16:31,398
I mean, wow. That butterfly,
371
00:16:31,422 --> 00:16:33,506
or maybe it's a devil's asshole,
372
00:16:33,506 --> 00:16:35,439
but whatever it is, it looks exactly like
373
00:16:35,438 --> 00:16:37,398
whichever one of those it is.
374
00:16:38,869 --> 00:16:41,121
Anyway, I was wondering if you guys
375
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:44,290
would want to spray paint
maybe something else.
376
00:16:44,288 --> 00:16:46,915
Are you a fucking cop or what, vato?
377
00:16:46,914 --> 00:16:49,917
I am so not a cop. In
fact, fuck the police.
378
00:16:49,915 --> 00:16:51,667
Right? Am I right?
379
00:16:51,667 --> 00:16:53,336
I think we can agree on that one.
380
00:16:53,728 --> 00:16:56,022
Listen, today
381
00:16:56,021 --> 00:16:58,107
is your guys' lucky day.
382
00:16:58,106 --> 00:17:00,900
Okay, my boss has authorized me
383
00:17:00,899 --> 00:17:03,151
to give each of you 15 dollars.
384
00:17:03,150 --> 00:17:04,991
Wait, there's four of you?
385
00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:07,910
10 dollars to spray paint over a billboard.
386
00:17:10,711 --> 00:17:15,716
(Pained groans)
387
00:17:17,879 --> 00:17:20,916
(Impacts and grunts)
388
00:17:23,095 --> 00:17:24,472
(Kisses)
389
00:17:27,554 --> 00:17:28,680
(Laughs)
390
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,350
(Gibberish)
391
00:17:32,214 --> 00:17:33,548
JAMIE: Help!
392
00:17:39,585 --> 00:17:42,227
I'm up here. Now what do I do?
393
00:17:42,226 --> 00:17:44,471
Spray paint over my face.
394
00:17:44,470 --> 00:17:46,462
- With what?
- With the spray paint.
395
00:17:46,462 --> 00:17:47,897
I'm supposed to have the spray paint?
396
00:17:47,896 --> 00:17:49,565
Didn't you bring it up there with you?
397
00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:52,109
I was busy, trying not to
fall 30 feet to my death.
398
00:17:52,108 --> 00:17:53,986
Now you're going to have
to come down and get it.
399
00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:55,654
No way. Just throw it up to me.
400
00:17:57,637 --> 00:17:59,291
Give me that.
401
00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:00,709
All right.
402
00:18:00,709 --> 00:18:02,293
- Ready?
- Hold on.
403
00:18:02,293 --> 00:18:03,461
- Catch.
- Hold on! Hold on!
404
00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:05,797
Ow. Fuck! Ow.
405
00:18:05,796 --> 00:18:07,965
You're supposed to catch it.
406
00:18:08,772 --> 00:18:10,843
Jamie, use your hands.
407
00:18:10,842 --> 00:18:12,452
All right. Okay. I'm ready.
408
00:18:12,452 --> 00:18:14,162
All right. Catch it. Ready?
409
00:18:14,162 --> 00:18:15,371
I'm ready. It is high up.
410
00:18:16,370 --> 00:18:17,263
Fuck.
411
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,548
You're supposed to catch it.
412
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:20,701
Okay. Both hands.
413
00:18:20,701 --> 00:18:22,230
- I'm going to lob it.
- Okay.
414
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,440
It's coming.
415
00:18:23,855 --> 00:18:25,940
I got it. I got it.
416
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:26,731
Ah!
417
00:18:30,896 --> 00:18:32,106
Hey Rob.
418
00:18:32,115 --> 00:18:33,616
I'm here to get Miranda.
419
00:18:34,006 --> 00:18:35,966
What are you guys trying to do?
420
00:18:35,966 --> 00:18:38,009
I'm trying to spray paint over my face.
421
00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:40,304
Okay. I'll do it.
422
00:18:41,524 --> 00:18:42,269
Really?
423
00:18:42,269 --> 00:18:43,130
Yeah.
424
00:18:43,131 --> 00:18:44,583
Thanks.
425
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:47,961
He's fast. Whoa.
426
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:48,909
He's good.
427
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,533
Yes. Get the eyes.
428
00:18:50,532 --> 00:18:52,036
His whole face.
429
00:18:52,036 --> 00:18:53,392
The whole face, yes.
430
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,107
Yeah.
431
00:18:54,107 --> 00:18:55,336
Get the whole eye.
432
00:18:55,336 --> 00:18:57,673
The whole face. Do the whole thing. Yes.
433
00:18:57,672 --> 00:19:00,327
Get up a little higher. That's it.
434
00:19:00,326 --> 00:19:01,704
I still see the eye. Higher.
435
00:19:01,704 --> 00:19:03,080
What are you guys doing?
436
00:19:03,179 --> 00:19:05,015
Spray painting over my face. Fuck off.
437
00:19:05,015 --> 00:19:05,935
Asshole.
438
00:19:05,935 --> 00:19:06,978
Jesus.
439
00:19:07,766 --> 00:19:09,134
Why did you say asshole?
440
00:19:09,134 --> 00:19:09,844
You said fuck off.
441
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:10,603
He said asshole.
442
00:19:10,604 --> 00:19:11,841
I didn't finish my sentence.
443
00:19:11,841 --> 00:19:13,464
I said, "My asshole is hurting
because I take big shits."
444
00:19:13,463 --> 00:19:14,714
His asshole's hurting.
445
00:19:14,714 --> 00:19:15,437
Come on.
446
00:19:15,438 --> 00:19:17,723
He said asshole. I never said...
447
00:19:17,722 --> 00:19:18,752
Why did you have to...
448
00:19:18,752 --> 00:19:20,304
Look. I'm just trying to support you.
449
00:19:20,312 --> 00:19:22,332
You're my client. What
do you expect me to do?
450
00:19:22,332 --> 00:19:24,208
I'm just trying to be
here for you, all right?
451
00:19:32,773 --> 00:19:33,941
Well, that was interesting.
452
00:19:33,982 --> 00:19:35,484
Yeah.
453
00:19:36,474 --> 00:19:38,417
Udo, take the baby back to the house?
454
00:19:38,417 --> 00:19:39,206
Yeah.
455
00:19:39,206 --> 00:19:41,174
Okay. I love you.
456
00:19:41,173 --> 00:19:43,610
Okay. Go back with Udo okay?
457
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,692
See you, sweetie.
458
00:19:47,891 --> 00:19:49,201
Well, I guess I got to host
459
00:19:49,201 --> 00:19:51,282
the West Hollywood policeman's ball now.
460
00:19:51,281 --> 00:19:53,366
Are they paying you for it?
461
00:19:53,365 --> 00:19:54,658
No, they're not paying me.
462
00:19:54,658 --> 00:19:56,401
How do you think I just got us out of jail?
463
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,153
That's why you need me
to negotiate for you.
464
00:19:59,152 --> 00:20:00,309
Negotiate what?
465
00:20:00,309 --> 00:20:02,704
I could have got you some extra
things to sweeten the deal.
466
00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:04,872
Like what extra things?
What are you talking about?
467
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,153
You want handcuffs? A ride-along?
468
00:20:07,152 --> 00:20:09,196
You want to witness an execution?
469
00:20:09,195 --> 00:20:10,808
I could get you front row seats, center.
470
00:20:10,808 --> 00:20:12,977
All I'm saying is I'm
looking out for you, buddy.
471
00:20:13,066 --> 00:20:14,484
You're a sick fuck.
472
00:20:14,484 --> 00:20:15,611
I know.
473
00:20:15,611 --> 00:20:17,321
Hey, where's Jamie?
474
00:20:19,256 --> 00:20:20,707
He'll be fine, right?
475
00:20:20,706 --> 00:20:22,257
Yeah, I'm sure. Let's get out of here.
476
00:20:22,257 --> 00:20:24,092
Could you just check again, please?
477
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,372
You know,
478
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:41,396
tough people, Asians.
479
00:20:41,395 --> 00:20:42,560
You know what you never see?
480
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,353
Homeless Asian people.
481
00:20:44,353 --> 00:20:45,604
You notice that?
482
00:20:45,604 --> 00:20:46,648
You don't see that.
483
00:20:46,648 --> 00:20:47,901
Asian people are like,
484
00:20:47,901 --> 00:20:49,940
(Asian accent) No. Fuck that. No way. No.
485
00:20:50,996 --> 00:20:53,165
We figure something else out.
486
00:20:53,205 --> 00:20:55,749
We'll work on a part of the body
487
00:20:55,789 --> 00:20:57,916
nobody wants to go near, like the toenails.
488
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:00,869
We'll wax your anus.
489
00:21:00,869 --> 00:21:02,995
We don't give a fuck, you know?
490
00:21:02,994 --> 00:21:04,404
Massage you, jerk you off,
491
00:21:04,404 --> 00:21:06,199
take your white devil money somehow."
492
00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:10,710
Like, "Hurry up already. Come on."
493
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:18,793
I'm very proud of you, baby.
494
00:21:21,209 --> 00:21:22,710
Thank you.
495
00:21:23,007 --> 00:21:26,260
You didn't call me once
and Miranda's still alive.
496
00:21:27,085 --> 00:21:29,379
I thought you were
completely irresponsible,
497
00:21:29,419 --> 00:21:31,194
clueless, selfish,
498
00:21:31,193 --> 00:21:34,482
huev�n, medio babas, inept...
499
00:21:34,481 --> 00:21:36,719
Okay. Okay. I get it.
500
00:21:37,378 --> 00:21:41,382
Honey, what I'm trying to
say is I underestimated you.
501
00:21:41,421 --> 00:21:44,048
Now I know I can trust you more.
502
00:21:44,087 --> 00:21:46,339
Anytime you want me to watch the baby, just
503
00:21:46,379 --> 00:21:47,922
I don't mind.
504
00:21:47,963 --> 00:21:49,756
I love it. I love it.
505
00:21:49,796 --> 00:21:51,381
Thank you.
506
00:21:54,297 --> 00:21:55,673
What's up, Jimmy?
507
00:21:55,713 --> 00:21:56,756
I have some good news.
508
00:21:56,797 --> 00:21:58,173
What?
509
00:21:58,214 --> 00:22:01,050
The billboard is coming down tomorrow.
510
00:22:01,090 --> 00:22:04,051
Oh. Thank you. Thank goodness.
511
00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:05,701
They're taking the billboard down.
512
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:07,065
Thank you. Thank you, Jimmy.
513
00:22:07,074 --> 00:22:08,874
No problem. You're good friend to Taiwan
514
00:22:08,874 --> 00:22:10,526
and Taiwan a good friend to you.
515
00:22:10,666 --> 00:22:12,842
Yeah. (Mimics foreign language)
You're a good Chinese person.
516
00:22:12,882 --> 00:22:13,693
Thank you very much.
517
00:22:14,164 --> 00:22:15,289
Good man. Oh yeah.
518
00:22:15,330 --> 00:22:16,758
Yeah baby.
519
00:22:17,998 --> 00:22:20,125
Hey, what's going on in LA here?
520
00:22:20,165 --> 00:22:22,291
TV: Traffic on the northbound
five came to a halt
521
00:22:22,331 --> 00:22:23,749
as a result of a
chain reaction crash.
522
00:22:23,790 --> 00:22:25,291
Oh. It looks like an accident.
523
00:22:25,332 --> 00:22:26,500
Crews are getting ready to tow
524
00:22:26,540 --> 00:22:28,584
a couple of the buses
involved in this collision
525
00:22:28,624 --> 00:22:29,667
away from the scene.
526
00:22:29,707 --> 00:22:31,542
The heavy damage to one of the buses
527
00:22:31,582 --> 00:22:32,917
was apparently caused when another bus...
528
00:22:32,958 --> 00:22:36,461
(???)
529
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:38,251
Mother fucker!
530
00:22:39,423 --> 00:22:46,423
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