All language subtitles for Portlandia s06e08 First Feminist City.eng

[instrumental brass tones]

Recent census reports
indicate

Portland is the most feminist
friendly city in the country.

I'm freaking out.
I'm so excited. This is great.

I'm excited about living
in a feminist city

'cause the property values
are gonna increase.

I just bought a house last year.

That's good for me.

The entertainment industry
put LA on the map.

With Silicon Valley,
it was tech.

Will Portland solidify its place

as a center
of the feminism industry?

With local enthusiasm strong

and the ranking garnering
national attention,

there's no doubt
people will flock here

to see what this feminist fuss
is all about.

And that's good news
for local businesses.

[ominous brass tones]

What?

I-- I would like to buy
one of these vagina pillows,

one for each of my buddies
back at the office.

Do you even know
what a cervix is?

I do; I-- I just had one
tattooed on my backside.

- Pussy power.
- That's disgusting.

And that's gonna be,
you know,

at least $500, so if
you don't have it, please--

Oh, I have it.

That's-- that's the price
of sisterhood.

- Please take it.
- Fine.

- Thank you.
- Get out.

Get out.
This is disgusting.

It's not working.

We're supposed to be
a non-for-profit

and we're being suffocated
by money and cash.

Hi, is this all together
or separate?

Do you speak English?

Oh, I get it.

You want to take feminism
back to your homeland?

You have feminism fever?

Listen, you do not want feminism
back there.

Look what it's done to us!
It's ruined us.

Um, it's $3,000,
$3,000.

So if you don't have it,
please put it back.

They're-- and they're getting
the cash for it.

We don't want your money!

Feminism is not for everyone!

It's for me and her.

This green money,
this is just a big, green penis,

but it's not going
to impregnate me with its ideas.

My legs are crossed!

We don't want your money!

You want to see
what we're gonna do with it?

Want to see cash?

Yeah?
We're gonna destroy it!

Is that what you like?

- Yeah!
- What?

- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo!

- Yeah!
- They're taking pictures.

- Oh!
- Whoa!

What are you looking at?

[cheering and applause]

- This is something to rip.
- Rip it! Rip it!

Get an insert of it.
Get an insert right here.

- [camera shutters clicking]
- Whoo!

- Stop taking pictures.
- Me yelling at them?

This money
doesn't help us at all!

Stop it, Candace, please!

Want to see the gas can?

- Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Yeah!

all: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Quiet! Quiet!

[cheers and applause]

- Whoo!
- Be quiet!

- Whoo!
- Yeah! Yeah!

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

No!

- [cheers fade away]
- Oh...

- Whoa-- whoa.
- Oh!

Ah!

[ominous music]

[huffing and blowing]

- Aw...
- Boo!

Did you get a picture
of that?

[camera shutter clicks]

[Washed Out's
"Feel It All Around" playing]

[dreamy chillwave music]

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

And, uh... over there
you got the tattoo shop.

If anyone wants to get off
and get a "girl power" tattoo,

we can pull over.

We'd be glad to.
We'd be happy to.

All right, see that place
right there?

That right--
that has a woman's bathroom.

Right there.

There's a lot of
women's bathrooms in Portland.

More than any other state
in the union, I believe--

it's little known fact.

And that place
has a-- a woman pharmacist.

And a pharmacy is a great place
to-- to buy socks.

A lot of people don't know that.

Ah, look at this.

Poor kid.
I have just the thing.

Just the thing.

There you go.
Here you go, ma'am.

Get that under his head there.

You know, kid, a lot of people
think that the woman symbol

is based on the astrological
sign for Venus.

I don't believe it.

I don't.

I-- I think it's based
on "2001 A Space Odyssey."

The circular shape
of the spacecraft.

In the, uh, feminist classic...

2001...

You know what else?

I was obsessed
with Erin Brockovich.

Ask anybody
that I knew growing up,

they'll tell you
that's all I talked about,

was Erin Brockovich.

Don't get me started
on Erin-- Erin Brockovich.

[light instrumental music]

- [camera shutter clicks]
- It's so nice of you.

Always keep wearing
the army jacket.

That's good. That's very, very
important for feminism.

Uh, no.
I am not an object.

Please get away from me.

Candace, why are you letting
them do this to you?

Toni, just enjoy the moment.

What's wrong with you?

Are you wearing makeup?

Oh, am I?
Oh, I think...

I think I might be, yeah.

Uh, the buttons finally
came in, Candace.

Oh, these look fantastic.

I'm sorry,
what did you order?

These are pins; we're gonna
have little buttons here.

We could sell 'em for, like, $5
and one's you, one's me--

We're not selling things
at a not for-profit bookstore.

Oh, she's right about that.

Maybe we could put these out

and say that they're free
with every $50 purchase.

Yeah.

Wait, why are you consulting
with this person?

- Who-- who are you?
- Uh, I'm-- I'm Danny.

I'm Candace's assistant.

You have an assistant now?

Yes, of course.
I mean, I'm so busy here.

He just helps me with groceries
and picking out my clothes,

car stuff a little bit,
and then travel.

Where-- where you off to?

Well, for press, you know, say
Atlanta or Denver or something.

I mean, do you want
an assistant?

Uh, no, I don't.
I can pick out my own clothes.

I can buy my own groceries.

You can pick out
your own clothes?

Yes, I can.

- Zebra necklace?
- Yes.

How does a zebra necklace
work with that vest?

It's a little last season.

Did you know
that Portland actually has

the highest percentage
of women's bathrooms,

female dogs, and restaurants
that serve light beer?

Portland also can boast
that 80% of its cat calls

are followed
by a sincere apology.

Okay.

Last stop on the tour,
a real-life feminist bookstore.

Shop away;
shop all you want.

Get in there.

Shop yourselves... silly.

Hi, everyone, welcome
to Women And Women First.

Come on in.

Hey, ladies,
nice to see you again.

I hope you don't mind that I
keep bringing my customers here.

They love it.

I don't know
if you've noticed,

but we are
a not for-profit bookstore,

and you are bringing profit
into the store.

Don't you see
how that's contradictory?

You know, I used to work
15 minutes to an hour a day,

and now I'm here until 4:00,
sometimes 4:30.

You know, I find it
hard to believe

that you don't want
to make money.

Believe it or not,
I don't.

Candace, on the other hand,
she is a sellout.

You keep saying that word,
"sellout."

What does that mean?

What do you think it means,
Candace?

It means that sometimes

we sell out
of some of our products.

- It happens in business.
- No, that's--

You know this
is a philosophical discussion.

Look, I'll just--
I won't bring these folks

around here anymore and--
but that's your loss, you know,

there's a-- there's a demand.
Someone's gotta fill it.

Well, I don't want
to fill it, okay?

I don't want to just be
some feminist Band-Aid

for the woes of the world.

People can find their solace and
their products somewhere else.

All right,
I'm just trying to help.

I'm just trying to help.

Okay, well, you know
how you could help?

You could take all these people

and you could get 'em
out of here,

and you could start
your own feminist bookstore.

Me, oh, um...
Nah. Hm...

Come on down to Femimart,

Portland's first
feminist super store.

Here at Femimart,
we know that you want

top-quality female products

without sacrificing
female value.

We've womanized everything
from blenders

to blankets
to baseball bats.

Everything in the store
is made for women.

Leaf blowers, electronics,

gear and supplies
for the outdoorswoman.

And a year-round
Halloween section

just for fun.

Experience authentic feminism

without the high prices.

And cut!

- [applause]
- Yay!

- Yeah.
- That's nice.

- Very good.
- Thank you.

Thank you.
You're happy with that?

- It was good. Yeah.
- Thank you.

Thank you.
I'm really excited about this.

I think that it's gonna
be great for Femimart,

and I'm kind of
a creative type

so I've got some ideas
as well.

I could do, like, an auctioneer
thing, you know, like,

[rapidly] 25, 25, 25, 25.
I mean, that kind of thing.

- Uh...
- Yeah.

Well, we actually had some ideas
too, do you want to hear--

Kevin had talked to us
a little bit.

For the next spot, he was
thinking maybe something more...

- Fun.
- Fun.

- Sure.
- Lightening it a little bit.

You know, like,
you have such a great voice.

- Yes.
- Thank you very much.

It's a very strong voice.

Candace, the voice
of feminism.

- Yeah.
- We could do that.

Yes, we can do that.
Let's do that. Yes.

- Yeah.
- That would be amazing.

So, like, you're the voice
and then we could have

them be, like,
the face, the faces.

Yeah, hi.

Could you come here
for a second?

Would you mind
just standing next to Candace?

Candace, could you scoot over
just a little bit?

- Just a little bit?
- Just, like, a tiny bit.

You're great. You're perfect,
perfect. Just hold this up.

Can you just hold those up?

Yeah, let's see what
you guys look like with that.

- No, Candace, you--
- You already got one.

Just one second, sorry.
No, you're great, uh...

- I like that. I like the red.
- I like it.

- It's really nice.
- Doesn't it?

It sort of pops, you know,
with her eyes.

Great, and they could be in
the background and I'm just--

- I'm talking up front.
- Sure, or even reverse that.

Yeah, or, like,
you're off the side.

Maybe you could
pass the gas can.

Just like it was the torch
of-- of feminism.

It's very symbolic, and then
they could carry that torch--

Where does that put me?
Where do I go?

Um...

You are the person
who had the torch.

And-- and now
you're off camera.

Yeah.

I'd rather be, like,
in the shot, not to...

- We can start there. We can...
- Yeah. Yeah.

- We'll start there.
- Right.

- Yeah, and then cut it.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.
I think you'll really like it.

- You'll like it.
- Mm-hmm.

I'll take your word for it,
I guess.

This is what feminism
used to look like.

[woman screaming]

But now,
we're passing the torch.

It's time
for a new face of Femimart.

[upbeat hip-hop music]

Candace Devereaux's phone.
This is Danny speaking.

No, uh, where--
where's Candace?

She's not exactly available
right now.

I don't give a shit.
Where is she?

She's doing press today.

Danny, you little troll,
I will shrink you down

and put you on my keychain.
Get Candace for me.

Can you please call back
at a later time, ma'am?

Ma'am?

[growls]
Danny.

I'm coming to find you.

And I'm coming to find Candace.

You better warn her
I'm on my way.

Bye.

[instrumental brass tones]

Today, I am pleased to welcome
Candace Devereaux,

co-owner of
Women And Women First bookstore

and celebrity feminist;
welcome, Candace.

Thank you.
It's a pleasure to be here.

Tell me,
how has your life changed

since you've become
a celebrity feminist?

Oh, celebrity, I mean...
Oh, wow.

Um... I try to stay grounded

and-- and really just focus
on myself

and being the same person.

I hear you're considering

putting out your own line
of patterned vests.

This is happening, yes.

I'm thinking of maybe the name
Invested or Vestibule or--

- Candace!
- I think both are fantastic.

- Off me, Candace.
- Toni--

Can we get this woman
off of the set, please?

Oh, this woman?

Look at yourself
in the monitor.

Can we get a camera on her?
Look at yourself.

You see what you look like?
You look like a fool.

Do you hear yourself?
You sound like a fool.

We will resume
this lively discussion

right after
this commercial break.

Oh, no, we're not
going to commercial break.

Do not cut!
This is us, Candace.

- They're making fun of us.
- Us...

They're using us for profit.

I-- I am Toni Rose.

I am a card-carrying feminist.

I have not one
but two Audre Lorde tattoos,

and I know there
are other feminists out there

who are sick and tired of seeing
feminism in this city

being commodified,
being reduced to some phrase!

You want to try feminism on?

There's nothing to try on!
'Cause it's in our blood!

It's our skin and bones!

We're here!
We're not going away!

You want a feminist phrase?
Come on, everyone.

Let's get back together
and let's say,

[screams]
"We are not for sale!"

Toni, that was incredible.
I'm sorry.

Did everyone see that?

Um... no one saw that.

We've been off the air
for the last minute.

What?

We have got to go down to that
super store and break it down

brick by brick.

- Brick by brick!
- Danny, come here.

- How's my schedule looking?
- I mean...

You're full
all the way through September,

Candace, I don't...

Can we move that lunch
at least?

You can't cancel
on Angel again.

It's getting kind of awkward.

Well, there's gotta
be a way around it.

- Why's it not on my calendar?
- Don't know why it's not...

When's Sedona?
What month are you on?

- No, no, that's January.
- Okay.

- Move down, down, down.
- Down, down--

Candace, you don't make time
for feminism.

The time is now! Let's go!
Let's organize the troops!

You're right.
Right now.

- Danny, forget it.
- We're out. Let's go.

Welcome, everyone.
I hope you've eaten.

That you're sober
and well rested.

What we're about to propose
to you is not lucrative.

It's also not dangerous.

But it is very,
very important work.

We don't need scaredy-cats,

cats who are scared.

If I see any fear, I want you
to leave right now, this second.

[dramatic music]

Go on, Toni.

As we all know,

Femimart is the largest
feminist super store,

not only in Portland,

but in the entire United States.

Boo.

It's destroying us.

- Are we gonna rob it?
- Oh, no.

We're gonna take it down.

We have a four-step process.

We integrate.

Get in there.

Be part of their system.

You must somehow get hired
at Femimart.

Well, I always interview
really well.

Well, that's one of you.
But the rest of you, pair up.

Work on your r?sum?s.
Get your references in order.

Sit down and do the best
interview you've ever done.

- You're hired.
- Thank you.

- Welcome aboard.
- Oh, that's wonderful.

We destabilize.

The point is
to confuse, confound,

redirect, distract,
undermine.

Couple of hours from now,

we're gonna have
a staff meeting.

Why don't you join us?

- Love to.
- We would love to.

Spin them around
and make them dizzy.

We dismantle,
we destroy.

And as we all know,

the only thing
that can destroy feminism...

Is feminism itself.

Let's do this.

Welcome, everyone.

Thanks for coming
to the meeting.

Uh, the first order of business
I'd like to turn over

to some-- some women
who've come to help us out,

sort of as advisors;
Candace and Toni, welcome.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.
We'll keep this really short.

It might be a good idea
to try to come up with

maybe a new logo design.

Maybe there should be a logo
that addresses some more issues

and is more inclusive.

And I think it's important

that we reach full consensus
on this.

You know, this logo has
to represent what feminism is

and it has to represent it
for all women.

Does everyone thing that
this logo should be a woman?

I think it's a great idea.

Maybe we should define
what a woman is.

- Ooh!
- Well, listen, Angel.

You don't want the logo
to look like a woman you--

Well, what does a woman
look like, Leanne?

Well...

I think everyone
can see my point.

What if we made it
a little fun?

Like, maybe the logo
could be holding a cat.

- [cat meowing]
- Or a piece of pizza.

Love that idea.

You are brave,
very courageous,

and that's a very creative
and good idea.

Okay, so, Kevin,
you should write that down.

A logo that holds something else
is always a good idea.

Make that logo
somewhat confusing.

Well, maybe we could put
the pizza on the logo's crotch.

Is it a piece of pizza
or a whole pizza?

Because a round pizza's--

This is getting
into a real problem.

You know what it is,
but other people are gonna think

that that's just pubic hair.

But we-- we're also
not discussing,

what if the logo is a vegan?

Well, here's the thing
about veganism.

I mean, how does
the unborn child get nourished,

you know, on cashews
and soy alone?

So the logo is pregnant?

Well-- how old is this woman--
sorry, person-- on the logo?

Old enough to know
that dressing up like a slut

does not make you a feminist.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

What, are we playing
the blame game now?

- Yes, we are.
- Let's play the blame game.

Our logo can't dress
the way she wants

without being shamed by other
women? She can't be sexual?

- I have a question.
- Danny, this better be good.

Do not stumble
on your words, Danny.

Go ahead, Gloria Steinem.

If she can't speak, does
that make her not a feminist?

[scoffs]
Oh, my God.

Wait, so you're saying
the logo--

No, I-- I want this to echo
in his head.

I want this to echo in his head,
what he just said.

The-- the dumbness of
that question, it resonates.

Can it speak-- do you want to put
a speaker up on the logo?

Is that what-- you want to record
the voice that's gonna be--

We should do that. We'll put
a little stereo system up there.

So is the logo supposed
to have a-- a-- a moving mouth?

Ooh, that's
like a blowup doll.

You want a logo
servicing a man?

You can be a feminist
and want to service a man.

You can be a feminist
and like sucking a little D.

Yeah, sucking D
is pretty much universal.

So now she's heterosexual.

So do we have consensus
on the logo?

all: No!

Well, maybe we should
come back to this.

What we need to do
is rearrange the store.

- Why don't we move on to that?
- Oh, that's a great idea.

- No shelves.
- No, I--

- I as thinking--
- Moving walkways--

Are we gonna have lunchboxes
in the store?

You're women.
What that means is, we mean it.

You're women.

Attention Femimart customers,

if you are looking
for audio or video tapes,

they have been moved to aisles
3, 4, 26.

I need to talk to you guys.

Is it me or are there way less
customers in this place?

Where did everybody go?

That's a good thing.

You don't want
too many customers in here.

A good thing.

I wanted you guys to come in
here to--

to bring new-- new ideas--

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

To make the place more
authentic, to make it more real.

- Did you call us guys?
- Yeah, no.

[sighs]

- At Femimart?
- Listen, help me.

We're losing
about $20,000 a day.

- At this rate.
- That's great!

Also, there's a way
to save money.

Turn the lights out,
light candles.

Excuse me.

I'm trying to find this jacket
in a medium.

This is not an open shop

where you can just get whatever
you want whenever you want.

You want something?
Look for it, and look hard.

You know, I think you can
find those in the...

- No, it's--
- No, she can't.

What is that?

It's a pullover jacket
for my daughter.

Your daughter,
so you own your daughter.

She's not her own person.
It's not "the" daughter.

It's "your" daughter
all of a sudden?

You know, two weeks ago,
I knew where all this stuff was.

- Everything's been rearranged.
- We've hidden them pretty well.

If you need to find one,

I think we have mediums
in the hardware section.

Why are there?
Why are they in here?

Well, Kevin,
since you're asking,

because someone of that
proportion and size

might be interested
in drills and hardware.

And buy your daughter a drill
while you're over there.

So she can build her way
out of your home.

I'm never shopping here again.

- Please, please.
- Kevin, this is good.

That's not the kind
of customer you want,

asking a million questions.

What a victory for us.

I've had it.
This is...

- I'm done.
- I can reuse that, thank you.

I can't believe it.

[tense music]

That's-- that's perfect.

That's good.
They scattered exactly right.

[upbeat cowboy music]

So on the right,
you got the Devil's Playground,

Devil's Playground,
built in 1987.

It's a brick building with
a vertical wooden plank overlay,

providing a nice, homey texture.

There you can see
the requisite neon sign.

Are we actually going to go
into any of these clubs?

Strictly
an architectural tour,

uh, folks,
and, uh, if you'll allow me,

I can describe to you
what you might find in there.

First off,
you get your strippers pole,

which is gonna be made
of a polished brass or silver,

unless someone
has been cutting corners,

then, in which case,
you're gonna get

a, uh,
galvanized steel pipe.

Have you ever met any of the
girls who work in these clubs?

I have not.
Got a real beauty coming up.

Uh, The Devil Wears Nada.

You hear that, Toni?

I do, Candace.

The sound of zero customers.

[spoon clinking]

See, they should
design these longer.

So that I can do this
from here.

Do you know what I mean?

'Cause this...

my finger grease is getting
all on the edge there.

This is what I'm talking
about, real problems.

Yes.
It's a real problem.

Yes.

Gonna call them.

Do you know how long
this tea's been sitting

in this little canister there?

- No.
- One month.

[ominous choral music]

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0