All language subtitles for Portlandia s04e07 Trail Blazers.eng

- Hey.
- Oh hi.

- Hey. How are you?
- Um, can I get the Rejuvenator today?

- Uh-huh.
- Thanks.

One Rejuvenator coming up.

Sounds great.

[Instrumental music]

[Chopping]

I like your hair today.

Ow.

Ow.

Whoa.

Uh.

I think my hair is jammed in the machine.

Take a deep breath.

Just take a deep breath and just calm down.

Just put your hands... yeah.

- That, there you go.
- There you go.

Just hold that

- and take a deep breath.
- All right.

- Just smash the glass.
- Take a deep breath.

No. It's, um, it's plastic.

It's okay.

I have this friend of mine.
He's super smart.

- He can do anything. He's like MacGyver.
- Really?

Yeah. He's like MacGyver.

You want me to call him?

Please do that.

Okay calm down.

Hey, hey hey. Calm down. Calm down.

You can't help okay.
My body just does that.

I know you are trying to help.

Let... let me ride this out. Okay?

- Is this normal?
- I don't know, I don't know...

I'm cool, I'm cool.

Joaquin, you may have to cut your hair.

I don't think we can do that.

Are there other options?

- What's... what's your idea?
- You're the doctor.

There we go. Oh, okay, there you go.

Now, you can hold onto that.

Let me plug this back in.

My wife... she... she cuts my hair.

She could do your hair.

You know, she can just come here and go

[buzz sound]

And like no mess.

[Buzz sound]

Hey, Joaquin, this is my friend, Ben.

He's a fireman.

My wife also cuts his hair.

I don't want to look.

[Clip] [Buzz sound]

Rejuvenators for everybody.

I'll try it.

[Instrumental music]

Sync and corrections by ovelheiro
www.addic7ed.com

How did we get these tickets again?

Well, I won them in a silent auction.

Oh, when you got them, I assumed
we were seeing a lecture about,

you know, pioneers, people
who blaze trails, settlers.

You know, I'm a trailblazer.

I'm the first woman in
Portland to ever wear jeans.

Cool.

Incredible.

Look at that.

They're so good at this.

These people are the best at what they do.

It's very bell... balletic [Sic].

It's... it's like dance.

I like it.

What is this?

- I guess it's over.
- No.

I think it's... it's just a time out.

Oh, look at this.

Who are they?

[Music]

What is this?

Why are they barely wearing anything?

This is a private dance.

This is a dance you do in your backyard,

under the full moon.

You know, this isn't something
you do in the middle of a court.

- No.
- Cover your eyes everybody.

This isn't a show.

Does anyone want to see my master's degree

or my collection of books?

Let them speak.

Allow them to talk.

This is a crime. I...I...
I want to speak to someone.

Let's... let's talk to management.

Yeah, we have to. [Buzzer]

I'm glad you guys came in
today, 'cause anybody that

comes to a Blazer game deserves
my interest and my support...

- Great.
- But I really think this is a conversation

for our choreographer.

It just seemed odd that
the only women on the floor

were there as entertainers.

They could've helped with the ball.

There were times when the ball was...

Dirty and needed cleaning.

Oh, that's a little
sexist, don't you think?

No. What she was saying was,

if it was dirty, some of them

could have cleaned the
ball while they dunk and

threw the ball around.

Oh... oh... okay.

Um, I don't know how
you got the appointment.

I'm kind of in the basketball
portion of the trailblazers.

The... the shorts that the
women were wearing were so small

I felt like they were growing
right out from their asshole.

And instead of them dancing in
their short shorts and doing this,

this,

and this...

They could be telling us
something about themselves.

Yeah. You know I just most of our fans have

any interest in anything outside
of watching our players play

- basketball when that's...
- Who gives a flying [Beep] about the fans?

I just don't know how I'm
supposed to help you today.

We would love the opportunity
to work with the blazers dancers,

and uh, the way that
they perform on the court.

Oh, you guys are choreographers?

We're imagineers.

Okay. So can we make a deal?

If I give you access to
the dancers in a controlled

environment, do you promise
to never, ever come here again?

Even as friends? We can't come and say hi?

No, but you know what? What I
can do is why don't you take these

official trailblazer caps...

- Thank you.
- I will go set up a meeting.

Okay?

You look so good in that hat.

I bet I do.

[Instrumental music]

Hey, I have a 10:30 appointment,

a tattoo removal appointment.

Okay. We have you down the
hallway to the left, room 3.

[Instrumental music]

- Hey, how are you?
- Good.

Lyle. Your tattoo removal artist.

- Hi, I'm Sandra.
- Thanks for choosing us.

How can I help you today?

Well, I have this, um, tattoo
that I wanted to get removed.

Oh, wow. You see that?

[Laughing]

Um...

What do you got...
you got a soccer ball?

Yeah. I just... I got it a long time ago.

What... what do you got up here?

Dolphins.

[Dolphin sound]

- Oh, you don't want that removed?
- Should I get it removed?

I think you should remove it.

Okay, I mean, if you think it
would look better removed,

- I, I'm open to it.
- Yeah. I'm psyched about

the dolphins one, that's gonna be good.

Any other tattoos you want removed?

I do have the name of my
high school that I went to

across my stomach.

Ah, that's great.

Stomach tattoo removal
is... that was my first.

I love that.

I'm flattered that you have
taken a liking to my tattoos

that you don't like.

The rest of my career could be here...

Just working on you.

Have you ever thought about
getting any of your tattoos removed?

How'd you know I had tattoos?

I see them on your arms and neck.

You see the ones on my neck?

Well, you must have really sharp eyesight.

I had those removed awhile ago.

I didn't even realize
your tattoos were removed.

I mean... my... my tattoos are gone.

I used to have an ankh.

I still see it.

What side of my neck is it on?

It's to my left, but it's on...

Ah, left... and it's here.

Why do you have the word
Detroit on your knuckles?

- Do I know you from before?
- No.

I actually did my own left
hand, because I'm a righty.

I mean, it looks like you've
had a lot of tattoos removed all

over your face, right?

No, I never had tattoos on my face.

Oh, great.

That's just my skin.

So. I see your skin.

I see your body like a chalkboard.

So I look smudged?

Oh, yeah.

- Right.
- That's what we do here.

Look, that's some of our work.

That took us... I'm
really proud of that one.

That one took us a while.

I think it will look pretty good.

[Instrumental music]

- Hey, can I get another coffee?
- You have a dollar?

[Instrumental music]

[Sniff sniff]

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental music]

[Dog groan]

[Camera click]

Bathing.

[Instrumental music]

[Dog crying]

[Instrumental music]

Hey, little doggy.

We play loud.

[Barking]

- Whoa. Come on.
- We didn't finish the song.

The song's not over.

Babe, what do you think of this number?

Oh, I like it. I like the shoulders.

[Instrumental music]

Made in Macau.

[Sighs] I can't do that anymore.

Those countries just make me think of like,

you know, sweat shops or something.

I just... I wish I knew
where my clothes were made

and who was making them.

Yeah.

- This is such a great decision.
- So great, thanks.

- This is amazing.
- Yeah.

I love making custom pieces. It's the best.

How many of these could you do?

If I asked for two shirts? Is that crazy?

It takes about a month because
they're custom, you know?

I mean... we get it.

We're paying for the quality.

- Yeah. Cool.
- All right.

[Instrumental music]

Wow.

- Trish.
- Hey.

This looks great.

Thanks. You know, I remember that
I have a board meeting on Friday,

and I would love to wear this.

Do you think it's going to be ready?

Um...

- And then my shirts, too, so I don't...
- Okay, so like,

soon you need them?

Uh-huh. Yeah.

[Sewing machine]

Oh. Hey guys.

How's it coming along?

Oh, it's great now that Amanda's here.

Hi. Hey.

Love to get my table back.

Um... I wonder if there is more
space somewhere where you can

spread out a little bit, and...

- Oh, that's a great idea.
- Sure.

- Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Hey guys.

Hello.

Well, they loved the
shirt. It was a big hit.

My friend, Sharon, wants one.

My friend, Linda, Amy.

Uh, how about my shirts,
too? Can I get my...

Do you guys have like
any refreshments or...

Oh.

It's a little like...
It's just a little hot.

Uh, I can get you a cup of water.

- Okay.
- One cup for you. One cup for your friend?

Two cups.

Well, thanks guys.

[Sewing]

Hi guys.

Sorry you locked in.

Malcolm's dentist appointment
went a little long.

Yea he numbed me up a little bit.

Who is uh... who's that?

I hope it's okay.

I had to bring my friend, Lois, um...

And she couldn't find a sitter.

Seems like those little hands
will be great for buttons?

- Amanda messed up a shirt.
- She messed up?

- Uh...
- You mess up?

- No no no, she didn't mess up.
- She's working?

Hard?

Everyone's working hard.

I want to make pants.

So, you work?

We work. We're going to work on your pants.

Go home or you're dead.

Ok, you can't...

Looks great, though. I love the buttons.

Can we get some more water?

- You want a cup?
- Yeah, I would love a cup.

- Friend want a cup?
- Yeah.

You want a cup?

Four cups. Four more cups?

Chop chop [Claps].

Hey, everyone. Stop.

We've got great news.

A real store put in an
order for these clothes.

There's going to be a
lot of things to make.

So great.

Our hard work paid off.

So, get back to work.

You heard him. Get to work.

[Cat meow]

-

Made in Portland.

-

-

[Instrumental music]

[Singing] * If you want to take a chance *

* girl take my hand *

* and come with me. *

* I'll be everything you need *

Stop the music. Stop the music.

Stop for a moment.
Hi.

Drop the pom poms.

This is a safe space.

And this is a new regime.

I'm Toni.

I'm Candice.

You're in a space that is woman centric.

You're women.

What that means is we mean it.

Uh-huh. When I saw you, you know...

And this,

and you know this is...

I think you want...

Still is good.

I...I love the dancing.

It has a lot of energy,
and I felt very moved by it,

but I thought who are these women?

Read a book. Read a poem.

Is there something you've been journaling?

We can explore this on
stage during half time.

And if any of those players come
out onto the court and tell you

to get off, you turn around
and say, this is my court.

45 minutes.

It doesn't matter.

If the game stops, we wait.

Your time will not be limited.

Infinite.

What can you tell us
about yourself right now?

I was born in Portland.

I love pasta.

I love salad.

I love ice cream.

I like summer.

[Clapping]

So you're the oppressor.

You're the sort of old
libraries of the past

where they didn't like women reading...

5, 6, 7, 8.

And read, and read, and read.

Resist and read.

Resist and read.

If you could just hold the
spotlight on her and like...

Like this.

And Madeline. Let's have you
back here, so stare at her there.

One of you, sort of like this.

Caroline.

Can you cry?

Three of you sort of
march past with the flag.

Uh-huh.

Charlotte, Britney, Andrea,

5, 6, 7, 8, and turn, march, turn, march.

You... I want you to
take this the right way.

You go into another
room, just go over there.

A room of one's own.

They'll feel you absence.

Lindsey, if you could do
me a favor and just wildly,

just searching for...
What happened to my rights?

We will not be having music.

The sound of my voice will
be the only sound we hear.

She's going to do a blood curdling scream,

and this is the centerpiece to it all.

5, 6, 7, 8

[screams].

Great job today. Remember we have a
home game coming up against the Clippers.

- We are gonna win.
- For feminism.

[Instrumental music]

[Clapping]

Thank you, thank you.

Welcome to the second annual
can't do it without your help,

Kick-starter film awards.

I know it's a mouth full. [Laughter]
I'm your host, Gus Van Sant.

I just want to make sure
you understand these are not

the Kick-starter films.
These are films made to generate donations

to make the Kick-starter film.

And the nominations are...

Help us make a movie
about a forgotten musician.

Kendall Hughes and Wendy Alexander.

- Hi, I'm Kendall.
- And I'm Wendy.

Have you ever heard of Talagnu?

Right.

Nobody has.

He was one of the biggest starts
out of Daytona beach, Florida

in the 1970s.

[Singing]* I see two stars *

But did you know he really
influenced a lot of artists.

- Artists like Willie Mitchell.
- The Aalula Sisters.

- Sam Macgunnigal.
- Dr. Melquor, just to name a few.

[Singing]* Just a touch of love *

* will be the key *

We want to make documentaries
about the other guys,

not the guys you know,

because you think there is a
reason they were undiscovered,

and there is.

[Applause]

Invincible love,

Ebbe and Christine.

I got shipped off to North
Dakota to work in the oil

fields, and I miss my baby.

I miss my Christine.

I need somebody to help me out here.

He's in north Dakota, and
you know, traveling's really

expensive right now, and I
need airfare to get to him.

- I need to go see him.
- I miss you, baby.

For $100, we'll add you to our
e-mail newsletter to let you

know how Christine and I are doing.

What you're funding by sending
us money is you're funding love.

I got this tattoo on our second date.

Help us. Get us the money.

Bring Christine out to North Dakota so that

we can be back together
again where we belong.

I need your help real bad.

[Applause]

Donation blues.

Sandra Paulson.

Hi, I'm Sandra.

This is my Kick-starter
video to help me raise money

so I can continue to contribute
to other Kick-starter videos.

I'm broke because I've
contributed to so many

Kick-starter projects for
albums, for music videos,

for movies shot entirely on a kayak.

What can I give you in return?

For one project, I received
the incentive of a cloth napkin.

It was for a cat installation video.

You can also get a walk on role

because they haven't shot it yet,

and they need money for sound editing,

so thanks for contributing.

[Applause]

New team uniforms.

Paul Allen.

Hi. I'm Paul Allen, and I have
an exciting New Jersey design

to share with you.

I brought this idea to
my financial advisors,

and they said no, but
I'm hoping you say yes.

[Instrumental music]

[Applause]

And the winner is...

Invincible love, Ebbe and Christine.

[Music] [Applause]

Oh.

Can I hug you?

Yeah. Okay.

[Laughing]

Thank you so much.

Oh my God.

Thanks for voting for us.

Ebbe! Yeah!

[Laughing]

Well. You're... we'd like to thank...

Well actually we didn't get the...

we haven't... we didn't get the
money for our Kick-starter, but...

- No, not even close.
- You know what?

We're gonna clean up next year too, 'cause

- we've got another one on the way.
- That's right.

We wanna get money to build a hottub.

[Laughs]

Okay.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

[Clapping]

Thanks for coming, and...

Don't forget. We can't
do it without your help,

and by it, I mean anything. Whatever.

[Instrumental music]

Really good. That's excellent.

Oh, I like how you sat down the whole time.

Women kind won tonight. Feminism won.

- Nice pout.
- Candice, we did it.

Look at that.

Just walked into an office
and just changed the world.

[Instrumental music]

Oh, those guys look kind of sad.

Were they out there tonight?

Maybe they just bumped because
the dancers got all the attention.

It was a really great
night for the dancers.

If we can help those dancers,
we can help the players.

Why the sadness?

I don't understand why you're down.

That was great that was unbelievable.

We lost the game.

Weren't those dancers amazing?

So they lost, too, because we lost.

We know where they were born.

We know what their favorite pet is.

We know what books they like.

We know what razors they use.

They read poetry... at a basketball game.

This whole game thing... I
don't... I don't understand

when it became a competition.

That's the whole point.

Tonight, the women won, and you know what?

We are all women.

Who are you?

- I'm Robin.
- Robin, tonight, you're not Robin.

You're Robin woman.

You're Thomas woman.

Lamarcus woman.

- Damian woman.
- Lillard. I'm not a woman.

I'm a man.

Uh.

I don't agree with you.

I just don't.

What if... what if you guys
came out with more than one ball?

Wouldn't that be confusing?

And then it would be
a truly memorable game.

I don't think that's allowed.

That's against the rules.

You know what you do about rules?

Throw them out.

If we followed the rules, women would
have never had the right to vote.

Who made the rules anyway?

The National Basketball
Association made the rules.

Instead of basketball, blazer ball.

You act like you're on the other
team so that they think that

you're their friend.

Put on a mustache and a hat.

You put on your hat like you're
going home, like oh I'm done.

Okay, guys. I'm going
home. Get your briefcase.

I'm going home.

Come back, grab that ball, and
you actually are in the game so

the other team is so confused.

Not going to work.

You guys don't think I know
anything about basketball?

She... she dated one of the players.

Who?

Tell them. You dated someone on The Bulls.

- The Chicago Bulls.
- The Chicago Bulls.

You might have heard
of him. Michael Jordan.

Ssssss [Sic].

In Chicago when I was there,

and he took me to dinner.

Michael Jordan took you out to dinner?

It was just the two of us.

We ate fish.

Guess who paid for it?

You.

Nope. Mr. Michael M. Jordan.

M?

Michael Michael Jordan.

- It's Jeffrey Jordan.
- Heavy set man?

Beard? Gray beard?

5'7, Birkenstocks.

Yellow backpack,

a thermos for some reason.

Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan.

Did he have a hoop earring?

No, there was just so much hair here

that it just sort of looked
like little headphones

like a hair of headphones over his head.

Where'd you meet this guy?

Union station in Chicago.

Why would Michael Jordan
be at Union Station?

He said he lived there.

That was not Michael Jordan.

Well, I got some free fish, so...

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

He told me something.

You know what's important?

Dunking.

The first thing you do is you dunk right...

Right away so the other
team's like what just happened.

- [Instrumental music]
- You start here.

You go into the air and
down into the basket.

I think that's flying.

We're begging you to dunk more.

- Please.
- We wanna see a game of all dunking.

And that's every play.

I mean, we can't waste our
time if you don't want to just

dunk it.

Dunk.

Dunk,

dunk, come on, stand up.

Dunk, on your feet.

Dunk.

Dunk!

Dunk!

Dunk! Dunk!

Dunk! Dunk!

Dunk! Dunk!

Toni, look at this.

Portland trailblazers win big
by dunking the entire game.

Look at these pictures. Wow.

They're either dunking
or getting ready to dunk.

You know, people called
me Air Toni in high school.

[Instrumental music]

You ever hear of talagnu?

Right.

No one has.

[Laughing]

But did you know he really
influenced a lot of artists.

Artists like Willie Mitchell.

Devin Stevens.

[Laughing]

Paula pope.

[Laughing]

The Lalula Sisters.

[Laughing]

Sync and corrections by ovelheiro
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0