Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,716 --> 00:00:03,164
- Hi. Tammy, alcoholic.
- Hi, Tammy.
2
00:00:03,195 --> 00:00:05,335
Whew. I'm still
a little rattled.
3
00:00:05,523 --> 00:00:08,171
I'm standing in line
at the salad bar today,
4
00:00:08,265 --> 00:00:10,486
and there's this cop behind me.
5
00:00:10,648 --> 00:00:13,228
So, of course, fresh out
of jail, I get paranoid.
6
00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:17,667
My hands start shaking,
chickpeas rolling off the plate.
7
00:00:18,468 --> 00:00:20,523
Freaked me out so much,
I left without getting
8
00:00:20,609 --> 00:00:22,304
any of those
itty-bitty corncobs,
9
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,761
which is
the whole reason I went.
10
00:00:23,846 --> 00:00:27,373
I mean, am I gonna spend
the rest of my life
11
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:30,609
looking over my shoulder, afraid
they're gonna lock me up again?
12
00:00:30,913 --> 00:00:32,857
I can't go back to jail.
13
00:00:33,046 --> 00:00:35,429
There's no tiny corn there.
14
00:00:36,032 --> 00:00:38,101
And people stab you.
15
00:00:39,788 --> 00:00:41,390
Anyway, thanks.
16
00:00:44,015 --> 00:00:45,405
Would anyone else
like to share?
17
00:00:45,577 --> 00:00:47,421
Hi. Christy, alcoholic.
18
00:00:47,507 --> 00:00:48,698
Hi, Christy.
19
00:00:48,850 --> 00:00:51,757
I was so not planning on
coming to the meeting today.
20
00:00:51,984 --> 00:00:55,023
I mean, I had no school,
no work,
21
00:00:55,109 --> 00:00:57,077
and all I wanted to do
was lie on the couch
22
00:00:57,163 --> 00:00:58,866
and binge-watch Chopped.
23
00:00:59,402 --> 00:01:01,734
P.S. I would be great
on that show.
24
00:01:01,971 --> 00:01:04,540
I can't tell you how many times
I've opened up the fridge
25
00:01:04,625 --> 00:01:07,468
and all I had was gummy bears,
tortillas and mustard.
26
00:01:08,148 --> 00:01:10,808
That was a challenging
Thanksgiving.
27
00:01:11,234 --> 00:01:14,937
But next thing I knew,
I was putting my shoes on,
28
00:01:15,023 --> 00:01:17,374
getting in the car
and driving here.
29
00:01:17,769 --> 00:01:20,945
I can't believe it;
I have sober feet.
30
00:01:21,947 --> 00:01:23,460
They know where
I'm supposed to be,
31
00:01:23,546 --> 00:01:25,265
even when I don't
want to be there.
32
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,280
Sober feet.
33
00:01:30,202 --> 00:01:31,741
Anyway, that's all.
34
00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:33,793
Really glad to be here.
35
00:01:35,961 --> 00:01:37,421
- Anyone else?
- I'll go.
36
00:01:37,507 --> 00:01:39,702
- Hi. Bonnie, alcoholic.
- Hi, Bonnie.
37
00:01:39,878 --> 00:01:43,382
Well, my fiancé's bar has
finally turned a corner.
38
00:01:43,741 --> 00:01:46,085
So, with Adam busy,
I have a lot of time to myself,
39
00:01:46,171 --> 00:01:47,516
which, when I drank,
could be dangerous,
40
00:01:47,601 --> 00:01:48,827
but now is kind of nice.
41
00:01:48,929 --> 00:01:52,023
I can eat what I want,
see any movie I want.
42
00:01:52,257 --> 00:01:54,905
By golly, for the first time
in my life,
43
00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:56,905
I get to be a little selfish.
44
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:58,965
Too easy.
45
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,241
Come on.
"Sober feet."
46
00:02:03,327 --> 00:02:05,640
That's recovery
gold right there.
47
00:02:05,991 --> 00:02:08,213
But I look over at
Nora, I get nothing.
48
00:02:08,298 --> 00:02:11,515
Not a smile, not a wink,
not even a finger gun.
49
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:16,054
You know, sweetie,
needy's not a good color on you.
50
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,687
It's not needy to
want an "attaboy"
51
00:02:18,773 --> 00:02:20,382
from my sponsor
once in a while.
52
00:02:20,476 --> 00:02:23,194
I always give my sponsees
my full attention.
53
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,624
Oh, please. You slept through
my entire share last week.
54
00:02:26,874 --> 00:02:28,507
I was meditating.
55
00:02:28,678 --> 00:02:31,640
Is your secret mantra,
"I'm awake"?
56
00:02:33,017 --> 00:02:35,140
Spot-on, Big Sauce.
She does the same thing
57
00:02:35,226 --> 00:02:36,796
when we're at home
watching Blue Bloods.
58
00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:39,234
Well, it's the only way
I can get you to stop talking.
59
00:02:39,445 --> 00:02:42,359
I do get chatty when
Donnie Wahlberg's on camera.
60
00:02:42,768 --> 00:02:45,771
I just have a feeling
he's a fascinating person.
61
00:02:48,497 --> 00:02:51,458
All right, coffee pot is clean.
I'm out of here.
62
00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:53,577
Hey, Nora!
63
00:02:55,654 --> 00:02:57,382
Awesome share.
64
00:02:57,476 --> 00:03:00,343
I always get so much out
of what you have to say.
65
00:03:00,437 --> 00:03:01,796
Thanks.
66
00:03:03,570 --> 00:03:05,398
Well, that was hard to watch.
67
00:03:05,773 --> 00:03:07,335
She knows how it works.
68
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,843
"Hey, I liked your share."
69
00:03:08,929 --> 00:03:10,585
"Thanks.
I liked your share, too."
70
00:03:10,671 --> 00:03:12,484
Well, I liked
your share today.
71
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,714
Thank you, Wendy.
I liked your share, too.
72
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:15,802
I didn't share.
73
00:03:15,887 --> 00:03:17,208
Oh.
74
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,968
Attaboy.
75
00:03:33,276 --> 00:03:35,432
*MOM*
Season 06 Episode 14
76
00:03:35,518 --> 00:03:38,518
Episode Title :
"Kalamazoo And a Bad Wedge of Brie"
77
00:03:42,028 --> 00:03:44,107
Oh!
78
00:03:44,334 --> 00:03:46,131
What's the body
count so far?
79
00:03:46,217 --> 00:03:48,502
Well, assuming that cheerleader
can't sew her head back on,
80
00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:50,385
we're up to five.: Yeah.
81
00:03:50,789 --> 00:03:54,158
Her head's on the floor, but her
hands still think she's alive.
82
00:03:54,244 --> 00:03:55,908
Is it safe to look now?
83
00:03:55,994 --> 00:03:57,283
Hang on.
84
00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,627
All clear.
85
00:04:03,022 --> 00:04:04,479
You guys suck!
86
00:04:04,565 --> 00:04:07,456
The-the jock gets
it in the jockstrap.
87
00:04:07,794 --> 00:04:09,180
Now, that's good writing.
88
00:04:09,266 --> 00:04:10,289
Mm.
89
00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:12,011
- Unbelievable.
- What?
90
00:04:12,104 --> 00:04:15,034
I texted Nora an hour ago,
and she still hasn't responded.
91
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,229
So I paused the movie
92
00:04:16,315 --> 00:04:17,955
for something that
didn't actually happen?
93
00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:19,120
Yeah.
94
00:04:19,206 --> 00:04:21,253
Why are you so obsessed
with Nora's approval?
95
00:04:21,339 --> 00:04:22,902
I mean, is it 'cause
she's famous or something?
96
00:04:22,987 --> 00:04:25,556
She's not famous; she does
the weather for the local news.
97
00:04:25,663 --> 00:04:29,018
And cohosts the Napa Valley
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
98
00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:31,535
It's on two channels.
99
00:04:31,621 --> 00:04:33,573
Christy's always been
an approval junkie.
100
00:04:33,659 --> 00:04:35,699
In high school, if there was
one person in her class
101
00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:38,092
that didn't like her,
that's who she'd have sex with.
102
00:04:38,336 --> 00:04:39,870
Hey, it worked.
103
00:04:39,956 --> 00:04:41,940
You should take a page
from the Book of Bonnie.
104
00:04:42,026 --> 00:04:43,393
She never cares
what people think.
105
00:04:43,479 --> 00:04:44,542
She should.
106
00:04:44,628 --> 00:04:47,631
See, you say that;
don't care.
107
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:52,225
Oh, look, it's Nora.
108
00:04:52,311 --> 00:04:53,261
She called you?
109
00:04:53,347 --> 00:04:54,964
Relax. It's Jill.
110
00:04:55,589 --> 00:04:56,800
What's up?
111
00:04:56,886 --> 00:04:59,011
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.
112
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:01,292
Are you okay?
113
00:05:01,378 --> 00:05:03,245
What happened?
Someone broke into her house.
114
00:05:03,331 --> 00:05:04,943
Uh, we're on our way.
115
00:05:05,106 --> 00:05:07,839
Okay, listen, if the
police ask any questions,
116
00:05:07,925 --> 00:05:10,261
I was here with you all night
watching movies.
117
00:05:10,347 --> 00:05:12,134
You werewatching
a movie with us.
118
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:15,026
Oh, good, say it
just like that.
119
00:05:17,241 --> 00:05:19,753
I just keep thinking, if I'd
gotten home ten minutes earlier,
120
00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:21,451
maybe they still
would've been in here.
121
00:05:21,623 --> 00:05:23,671
I could be lying
on the floor dead.
122
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:27,284
But your hands don't know it
yet, so they're still twitching.
123
00:05:27,930 --> 00:05:29,105
Quit it.
124
00:05:30,271 --> 00:05:33,886
We're just glad you're okay.
What'd they get?
125
00:05:33,972 --> 00:05:35,807
Oh, all the jewelry
that wasn't in the safe
126
00:05:35,893 --> 00:05:37,956
and everything from
the loose cash bowl.
127
00:05:38,057 --> 00:05:39,800
- The what?
- You know how you have
128
00:05:39,886 --> 00:05:41,535
a bowl with loose pennies
and buttons in it?
129
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,362
Jill does that with 20s and 50s.
130
00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:47,409
It's for tips, trick-or-treaters
or Mormons.
131
00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:50,706
How much was in there?
132
00:05:50,971 --> 00:05:53,798
I don't know,
couple of inches?
133
00:05:54,327 --> 00:05:55,360
I can't find the milk.
134
00:05:55,446 --> 00:05:58,251
Oh, my God,
those bastards took the milk.
135
00:05:58,673 --> 00:05:59,806
Ms. Kendall?
136
00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:01,095
In the kitchen!
137
00:06:01,181 --> 00:06:02,579
Big house. Doesn't help.
138
00:06:02,671 --> 00:06:06,374
Follow my voice, follow
my voice, follow my voice!
139
00:06:07,686 --> 00:06:10,483
All right, checked
the whole property. It's clear.
140
00:06:10,569 --> 00:06:11,746
Thank you, Officer.
141
00:06:11,832 --> 00:06:13,314
No problem.
142
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,108
Sir, just so you know,
I'm on parole.
143
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,199
But I have an alibi;
I was with them
144
00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:18,988
watching slasher movies
all night.
145
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:21,383
Oh. Yeah, those are fun,
146
00:06:21,883 --> 00:06:24,584
till you walk in on
a real crime scene.
147
00:06:24,669 --> 00:06:26,803
I bet you've seen
some messed-up stuff.
148
00:06:26,888 --> 00:06:30,200
I don't like to talk
about it, but no.
149
00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:31,364
This is Napa Valley.
150
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:34,411
People call 911 when they
get a bad wedge of brie.
151
00:06:34,547 --> 00:06:36,029
Oh, I love brie.
152
00:06:36,724 --> 00:06:37,950
All right, here's my card.
153
00:06:38,048 --> 00:06:39,966
Give me a call tomorrow with
a list of what's gone missing,
154
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,239
you know, for your insurance.
155
00:06:41,325 --> 00:06:42,415
Thank you.
156
00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:46,290
Oh, and, uh, I, uh...
157
00:06:46,499 --> 00:06:47,639
I just got
one more question for you.
158
00:06:47,724 --> 00:06:50,520
Um, is that a Kalamazoo grill
in the backyard?
159
00:06:50,817 --> 00:06:52,575
I don't know.
My ex-husband put it in.
160
00:06:52,661 --> 00:06:54,012
I don't touch the thing.
161
00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:56,599
How can...
162
00:06:58,529 --> 00:07:00,446
How can you not...
163
00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:02,998
I'm sorry. It's just,
when I buy a lottery ticket,
164
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,087
that grill is
what I'm dreaming of.
165
00:07:05,173 --> 00:07:08,047
You can burn wood,
charcoal, gas, or-or...
166
00:07:08,309 --> 00:07:10,185
you can go infrared.
167
00:07:12,855 --> 00:07:14,458
Infrared.
168
00:07:15,382 --> 00:07:16,883
You're getting a little
worked up here, Officer.
169
00:07:16,968 --> 00:07:18,609
It's just sitting there!
170
00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:20,945
Well, good thing they
didn't steal that.
171
00:07:21,421 --> 00:07:22,453
Okay.
172
00:07:22,539 --> 00:07:24,460
You can't steal it;
it's built-in.
173
00:07:24,546 --> 00:07:27,187
I'm sorry. You ladies,
have a, have a good night.
174
00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:31,773
It's a left,
two rights and a left.
175
00:07:31,859 --> 00:07:33,140
Copy that.
176
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:38,101
Well, thanks again for coming,
but I think I'm okay now.
177
00:07:38,187 --> 00:07:39,601
Yeah. Unless they
come back.
178
00:07:39,733 --> 00:07:40,898
What?
179
00:07:41,109 --> 00:07:42,343
Why would you say that?
180
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,546
It happens all the time.
181
00:07:43,632 --> 00:07:44,891
I mean, now that the guy
knows the layout,
182
00:07:44,976 --> 00:07:46,251
he could get a couple buddies,
come back,
183
00:07:46,336 --> 00:07:48,035
toss this place
like a Caesar salad.
184
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,200
Tammy! I'm sorry! You're right.
It could be a chick.
185
00:07:54,164 --> 00:07:57,254
I really appreciate
you guys spending the night.
186
00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:02,114
I still think you could've
made room for me up there.
187
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,560
I still think, while you're
down there, you can rub my feet.
188
00:08:06,579 --> 00:08:09,286
Bonnie, would you please
check the windows again?
189
00:08:09,403 --> 00:08:10,703
Sure.
190
00:08:13,583 --> 00:08:16,239
Back.
Damn it.
191
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,013
You know, we can't
sleep here every night.
192
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,348
Speak for yourself.
193
00:08:19,461 --> 00:08:22,770
This mattress is taking on
the shape of my ass.
194
00:08:23,785 --> 00:08:24,786
It's memory foam.
195
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,833
Well, I want to marry it.
196
00:08:27,442 --> 00:08:29,490
Maybe you should hire
some security, you know,
197
00:08:29,576 --> 00:08:31,465
someone to stay here
till you get over the yips.
198
00:08:31,551 --> 00:08:32,685
How 'bout that cop?
199
00:08:32,771 --> 00:08:34,427
A lot of those guys
do off-duty work.
200
00:08:34,604 --> 00:08:35,926
Mm, I don't know.
201
00:08:36,012 --> 00:08:38,231
He wouldn't shut up
about my barbecue.
202
00:08:38,512 --> 00:08:41,131
I mean, what man
notices that and not me?
203
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:43,863
You're right, don't call a cop.
Call a Hells Angel.
204
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:47,942
They know how to crack heads and
appreciate a pretty lady.
205
00:08:48,558 --> 00:08:51,629
Shh, shh, shh!
Did you just hear that?
206
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,207
Jill, the alarm's on,
you're surrounded by us,
207
00:08:54,339 --> 00:08:56,927
and Christy's closest to the
door... they'll get her first.
208
00:08:58,137 --> 00:09:00,139
The hell they will!
209
00:09:02,895 --> 00:09:05,898
Geez, shave your legs
once in a while!
210
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,747
Okay, if this
is gonna work,
211
00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:11,835
everybody has to
sleep on their side.
212
00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:21,685
- Flip the dolphin, Tam.
- Oh, sure, sure.
213
00:09:26,831 --> 00:09:28,270
What's this?
214
00:09:29,419 --> 00:09:31,325
Warm brown food?
215
00:09:31,984 --> 00:09:33,676
I'm in.
216
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:37,747
Appears to be
some sort of chili.
217
00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:41,981
Yep, chili.
218
00:09:42,493 --> 00:09:45,731
Hey! What are you
doing, you big moose?!
219
00:09:46,122 --> 00:09:47,308
You just walk in
220
00:09:47,394 --> 00:09:49,115
and eat anything
that's cooking on the stove?
221
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,864
It's kept me
alive so far.
222
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,340
Well, it's not for you.
It's for Nora.
223
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:55,540
I did a little snooping around
on Instagram;
224
00:09:55,673 --> 00:09:56,994
found out
it's her favorite thing.
225
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,538
Oh, my God, you're
making chili for Nora
226
00:09:59,673 --> 00:10:00,783
just so she'll like you.
227
00:10:00,869 --> 00:10:02,978
Hey, I used to
make you screwdrivers
228
00:10:03,064 --> 00:10:04,665
to get you to like me.
229
00:10:05,134 --> 00:10:08,220
You did have a good firm
pour for an eight-year-old.
230
00:10:08,844 --> 00:10:10,595
I really think
this is gonna work.
231
00:10:10,898 --> 00:10:13,076
I can almost feel her
loving me already.
232
00:10:13,271 --> 00:10:15,406
You're really quite
pathetic, do you know that?
233
00:10:15,759 --> 00:10:17,728
I've never denied it.
234
00:10:23,075 --> 00:10:25,204
Excuse me.
235
00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:28,369
I'm paying you to protect
me, not to sit here watching
236
00:10:28,455 --> 00:10:31,658
six tiny black-and-white
movies at the same time.
237
00:10:33,656 --> 00:10:36,183
You figured out those are the
security cameras I set up, yeah?
238
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,244
Halfway through.
239
00:10:39,837 --> 00:10:42,431
What's going on there?
Those squirrels fighting?
240
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,038
Oh. Oh.
241
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,501
Yeah, they've been
going at it hot and heavy.
242
00:10:49,587 --> 00:10:50,892
Definitely not married.
243
00:10:54,526 --> 00:10:56,573
You know, you don't have to
keep bringing your own food.
244
00:10:56,658 --> 00:10:58,298
You're welcome to anything
in the fridge.
245
00:10:58,384 --> 00:10:59,212
Oh.
246
00:10:59,423 --> 00:11:01,486
Thanks, but years
of police work tell me
247
00:11:01,572 --> 00:11:03,221
there's probably less
than a thousand calories
248
00:11:03,306 --> 00:11:04,681
in this entire house.
249
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,853
Oh, really?
250
00:11:12,275 --> 00:11:14,087
I got to ask you a
question, Ms. Kendall.
251
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:17,308
Oh, you've seen me
without makeup; call me Jill.
252
00:11:17,605 --> 00:11:20,400
You've seen me without makeup;
call me Andy.
253
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:22,838
Great, Andy.
Ask away.
254
00:11:23,673 --> 00:11:26,603
This is a huge house,
and you're just one person.
255
00:11:26,689 --> 00:11:29,298
Don't you think you'd feel safer
in a smaller place?
256
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,134
Maybe.
257
00:11:32,411 --> 00:11:36,197
But I've just been here so long,
I guess I'm kind of used to it.
258
00:11:37,204 --> 00:11:38,908
And my ex wanted it
in the divorce,
259
00:11:38,994 --> 00:11:41,197
so I cried until the judge
said I could have it.
260
00:11:41,345 --> 00:11:42,892
Mm.
261
00:11:43,223 --> 00:11:46,329
Yeah, my ex did the same thing
with my Raiders tickets.
262
00:11:47,182 --> 00:11:49,228
And she doesn't even go.
263
00:11:49,907 --> 00:11:52,548
It's painful enough
trying to watch a Raiders game.
264
00:11:52,634 --> 00:11:53,931
Now I got to turn it on
and see
265
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:56,239
those two empty seats
in the end zone.
266
00:11:57,486 --> 00:11:59,814
Oh, that's nothing.
267
00:11:59,907 --> 00:12:02,259
Does your ex have
a beautiful young wife
268
00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:04,704
and an okay-looking child?
269
00:12:04,970 --> 00:12:07,126
No. She's dating
another bald cop
270
00:12:07,212 --> 00:12:09,236
who could stand
to lose 20 pounds.
271
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,892
What was wrong with me?
272
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:16,173
I'm done being on Team Sad.
273
00:12:16,259 --> 00:12:18,697
I been through
all four stages of grief:
274
00:12:18,957 --> 00:12:21,931
eating, crying,
drinking, snorting.
275
00:12:22,330 --> 00:12:24,283
I been down that path.
276
00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:27,001
Got stuck on eating.
277
00:12:29,033 --> 00:12:30,515
Want a bite?
278
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,142
Nah.
279
00:12:32,228 --> 00:12:35,015
I'm not eating bread,
cheese or meat right now.
280
00:12:35,226 --> 00:12:36,923
- Watch your fingers.
- Oh.
281
00:12:43,569 --> 00:12:44,834
Hey, what are you doing?
282
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,654
- I was watching...
- whatever that was.
283
00:12:48,107 --> 00:12:49,451
I want to watch
the weather.
284
00:12:49,625 --> 00:12:50,755
We live in California.
285
00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:53,310
Here's your five-day
forecast: Nice.
286
00:12:54,487 --> 00:12:57,263
Oh, wait. You want to watch
Nora so you can tell her
287
00:12:57,349 --> 00:13:00,021
how much you love the way
she points at things.
288
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,216
Suck-up.
289
00:13:02,691 --> 00:13:03,927
Am not.
290
00:13:04,246 --> 00:13:07,029
Did I get a text saying
how much she loved my chili?
291
00:13:07,115 --> 00:13:08,380
Yes, I did.
292
00:13:08,477 --> 00:13:10,068
She even asked
how my day was going.
293
00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:12,028
Is that the sound
of the ice queen cracking?
294
00:13:12,114 --> 00:13:13,769
I think so.
295
00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:16,701
Are you gonna ask questions
and also answer them?
296
00:13:16,787 --> 00:13:18,138
Is that your new thing?
297
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,584
Is it? I don't know.
298
00:13:21,006 --> 00:13:22,704
Shh, shh!
My new bestie's on.
299
00:13:22,790 --> 00:13:23,706
Ah, thanks, Rob!
300
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,794
And I agree, that is some tie.
301
00:13:27,205 --> 00:13:28,552
Well, looks like we might need
302
00:13:28,638 --> 00:13:30,033
to break out the sweaters,
folks.
303
00:13:30,181 --> 00:13:31,838
Temperatures will be
cooling down this week
304
00:13:31,923 --> 00:13:34,123
thanks to winds coming in
from the west.
305
00:13:40,644 --> 00:13:43,998
Hey, you and your chili
just got a shout-out.
306
00:13:46,997 --> 00:13:48,732
♪ Winds coming in
from the west ♪
307
00:13:49,294 --> 00:13:51,025
♪ Winds coming in from
the west ♪
308
00:13:51,532 --> 00:13:53,334
♪ Winds coming in
from the west... ♪
309
00:13:53,849 --> 00:13:55,818
600,000 views!
310
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,832
The minute I saw this, I said,
"Let's make a YouTube video."
311
00:13:58,926 --> 00:14:02,293
And Christy's all, "No, we
can't humiliate my sponsor."
312
00:14:02,478 --> 00:14:05,207
Once again, my daughter
holds me back from greatness!
313
00:14:05,621 --> 00:14:07,004
I feel sorry for her.
314
00:14:07,091 --> 00:14:08,834
Okay, when did
you let one rip?
315
00:14:08,919 --> 00:14:10,314
High school talent show.
316
00:14:10,399 --> 00:14:13,418
I was playing the flute,
but not nearly loud enough.
317
00:14:14,577 --> 00:14:15,798
Move over, sex
with Abe Lincoln.
318
00:14:15,883 --> 00:14:18,153
That is now number one
on my time machine list.
319
00:14:18,801 --> 00:14:20,106
Man, poor Nora.
320
00:14:20,418 --> 00:14:21,759
Let's watch it again.
321
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:27,026
Seriously, there's a 5% chance
they're laughing at Wendy.
322
00:14:27,111 --> 00:14:29,121
We both know who
they're laughing at.
323
00:14:29,549 --> 00:14:30,856
Here's your Tupperware.
324
00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:32,035
I'm so sorry.
325
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,098
Well, don't be.
326
00:14:33,184 --> 00:14:35,676
Am I feeling a little
embarrassed? Absolutely.
327
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,783
I'm human and I frickin'
farted on TV.
328
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:40,962
And do you want
to talk about that?
329
00:14:41,056 --> 00:14:42,128
Not with you.
330
00:14:42,213 --> 00:14:44,130
I'll bring it to my sponsor,
who, by the way,
331
00:14:44,215 --> 00:14:45,962
I'm also not buddies with.
332
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:48,328
Thank you for the coffee.
I got to go.
333
00:14:48,548 --> 00:14:50,441
Right. Well,
maybe we should...
334
00:14:50,526 --> 00:14:52,965
Okay. All right. Bye!
335
00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:56,099
Marjorie, give me
my phone back.
336
00:14:56,184 --> 00:14:58,623
How did you get from
farts to cat videos?
337
00:15:00,155 --> 00:15:01,155
How's Nora?
338
00:15:01,316 --> 00:15:03,886
Our friendship is dead,
and here's the murder weapon.
339
00:15:04,225 --> 00:15:05,633
I just don't get
what the big deal is.
340
00:15:05,718 --> 00:15:08,507
We all do it. We burp,
we fart, we pee when we laugh,
341
00:15:08,593 --> 00:15:10,766
which only makes us laugh more,
which makes us pee more.
342
00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:12,218
Circle of life.
343
00:15:12,422 --> 00:15:14,460
Ooh, motion sensor alert.
344
00:15:14,759 --> 00:15:17,938
Aw, look.
Andy's bringing in my mail.
345
00:15:18,336 --> 00:15:20,171
How long you gonna
keep him around?
346
00:15:20,257 --> 00:15:22,783
I don't know.
He makes me feel safe.
347
00:15:23,024 --> 00:15:24,405
And he's a lot of fun.
348
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,264
We stayed up all night
just gabbing.
349
00:15:26,413 --> 00:15:28,461
He told me stories
about being a Marine.
350
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,514
He really knows
how to take care of business.
351
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,257
Yeah? Did he take care
of your business?
352
00:15:33,569 --> 00:15:34,920
While you were
gabbing all night?
353
00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:36,356
Uh-huh.
354
00:15:36,441 --> 00:15:37,842
Girl!
355
00:15:39,107 --> 00:15:41,740
He's a great guy, but
you met him; he's not my type.
356
00:15:41,910 --> 00:15:43,990
I don't know.
He brought in your mail.
357
00:15:44,076 --> 00:15:45,452
Yeah, he did.
358
00:15:45,537 --> 00:15:47,193
Girl!
359
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,248
Wendy, it's not working.
360
00:15:49,394 --> 00:15:50,482
I know.
361
00:15:52,459 --> 00:15:54,941
Okay, here are the keys
to your new locks.
362
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,073
Motion detectors are up,
cameras are working,
363
00:15:57,158 --> 00:15:58,896
and I think
the squirrels got married.
364
00:15:59,475 --> 00:16:00,598
How can you tell?
365
00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:03,077
They're just eating in silence
next to each other.
366
00:16:05,253 --> 00:16:08,123
You sure you can't stay
one more night?
367
00:16:08,209 --> 00:16:11,400
At this point, I'd just be
taking your money. You're safe.
368
00:16:11,563 --> 00:16:12,958
I don't know how to thank you.
369
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,193
Promise me one thing.
370
00:16:14,279 --> 00:16:16,762
I know, I know. I got to use
that big fancy grill.
371
00:16:16,921 --> 00:16:19,926
I was gonna say please be sure
to set your alarm, but, yeah,
372
00:16:20,026 --> 00:16:21,943
I will sleep better at night
knowing you finally
373
00:16:22,029 --> 00:16:24,882
tossed a rib eye
on that magnificent bastard.
374
00:16:27,288 --> 00:16:29,185
Bye.Bye.
375
00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:33,544
- Girl!
- Girl!
376
00:16:33,734 --> 00:16:35,570
Oh, stop.
377
00:16:35,686 --> 00:16:37,211
Let's just start
watching the movie.
378
00:16:37,415 --> 00:16:38,897
I think we just
watched one.Mm-hmm.
379
00:16:38,982 --> 00:16:40,420
A little
romantic comedy
380
00:16:40,505 --> 00:16:42,731
about the lonely rich
girl and her bodyguard.
381
00:16:43,854 --> 00:16:47,947
♪ And I-ee-I...
382
00:16:48,064 --> 00:16:52,509
- ♪ Will always love you-ooh-ooh... ♪
- ♪ Will always love you-ooh-ooh... ♪
383
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,506
All right, knock it off.
384
00:16:56,086 --> 00:16:57,710
I told you, he's not my type.
385
00:16:57,796 --> 00:16:59,819
You're right.
You only date super handsome,
386
00:16:59,905 --> 00:17:01,735
emotionally
unavailable jerks.
387
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:05,319
Mmm. Just hearing that
turns me on.
388
00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,845
Maybe it's time
for a change.
389
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:09,186
No one's gonna judge you.
390
00:17:09,272 --> 00:17:11,170
And if they do, who
cares? You're happy.
391
00:17:11,256 --> 00:17:12,409
Yeah. Hey, I had
a type, too,
392
00:17:12,494 --> 00:17:13,991
and it wasn't
a guy in a wheelchair.
393
00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:15,030
Yeah, but Adam's hot.
394
00:17:15,124 --> 00:17:15,897
So hot.
395
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,631
And taken. Taken.
396
00:17:18,418 --> 00:17:20,030
We'll see.
397
00:17:24,814 --> 00:17:28,506
The point is
that cop made you smile
398
00:17:28,597 --> 00:17:30,842
like I haven't seen
in a long time.
399
00:17:31,004 --> 00:17:32,600
You guys are
really underestimating
400
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:34,385
how shallow I am.
401
00:17:40,499 --> 00:17:41,569
Knockity-knock.
402
00:17:41,655 --> 00:17:43,335
Hey. What are you doing here?
403
00:17:43,444 --> 00:17:47,366
I just came by to bring you
this tiny cactus for luck.
404
00:17:48,585 --> 00:17:53,725
I know it's your first day back
since the... incident.
405
00:17:53,936 --> 00:17:55,944
"Incident." I like that.
406
00:17:56,171 --> 00:18:00,037
Around here, they just call it
"that time I farted on TV."
407
00:18:00,417 --> 00:18:02,682
I hope you're not mad at me
over all of this.
408
00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:05,665
Okay, we got to nip this
in the bud.
409
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,470
Remember when I first
started sponsoring you
410
00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:09,646
and I asked you to do
a fear inventory?
411
00:18:09,744 --> 00:18:11,474
Yeah. Maybe it's time for you to do
412
00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:13,476
another one, because I don't
remember you writing down,
413
00:18:13,561 --> 00:18:15,565
"I'm terrified
that people won't like me."
414
00:18:15,919 --> 00:18:17,697
- I didn't write that down.
- Why not?
415
00:18:17,849 --> 00:18:20,483
I was afraid it would
make you not like me.
416
00:18:21,466 --> 00:18:22,921
Do you see
what you're doing here?
417
00:18:23,007 --> 00:18:24,879
Yeah, yeah.
418
00:18:26,309 --> 00:18:27,734
No.
419
00:18:28,623 --> 00:18:31,581
If you always seek
the validation of other people,
420
00:18:31,666 --> 00:18:33,147
you will never be content,
421
00:18:33,232 --> 00:18:35,323
because you're making them
your higher power.
422
00:18:35,662 --> 00:18:36,890
You're doing
it with me.
423
00:18:37,138 --> 00:18:40,021
And at the end of the day,
I'm just another drunk.
424
00:18:40,224 --> 00:18:43,375
Oh. One who is 60 seconds away
from doing the weather.
425
00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:44,388
Walk with me.
426
00:18:44,474 --> 00:18:46,427
Ooh, we're gonna do the weather?
427
00:18:46,513 --> 00:18:47,986
Mm-hmm.
428
00:18:49,646 --> 00:18:51,912
Nora, I just want to...
watch the cables.
429
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:56,841
Oh, my God,
that's Sports with Kane Stevens!
430
00:18:57,828 --> 00:18:59,638
And you don't need him
to like you either.
431
00:18:59,724 --> 00:19:01,013
- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't.
432
00:19:01,115 --> 00:19:03,498
Look, I didn't have
a lot going for me growing up,
433
00:19:03,584 --> 00:19:05,959
but winning people over
was one of my strong suits.
434
00:19:06,052 --> 00:19:09,490
And I'm sure it served you,
but you don't need it anymore.
435
00:19:09,646 --> 00:19:12,099
Let me ask you something.
Do you like yourself?
436
00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:14,630
'Cause that's the only person
you should be concerned about.
437
00:19:14,802 --> 00:19:16,013
Now, off my set.
438
00:19:16,161 --> 00:19:21,418
All right.
In five, four, three, two...
439
00:19:21,504 --> 00:19:22,958
Look who's back.
440
00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:25,668
All right, before I get
to the five-day,
441
00:19:25,754 --> 00:19:28,372
let me acknowledge something
that got away from me last week.
442
00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:30,450
Laugh it up, Rob.
443
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,958
We all know you're not wearing
pants behind that desk.
444
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:36,278
Point is, we're
all human.
445
00:19:36,457 --> 00:19:39,458
We have our sunny
days and rainy days.
446
00:19:39,630 --> 00:19:41,684
It's how you dust yourself off
447
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:44,372
to get to the next day
that matters.
448
00:19:44,708 --> 00:19:45,739
So, looking ahead at...
449
00:19:45,825 --> 00:19:48,106
Oh, my God, she winked at me.
450
00:19:48,746 --> 00:19:52,054
Which is not a big deal...
beginning now.
451
00:20:22,193 --> 00:20:24,778
Andy! I was sleeping,
and the alarm started going off.
452
00:20:24,864 --> 00:20:26,505
I think somebody's breaking in.
453
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,019
You will?
454
00:20:28,105 --> 00:20:30,684
You're the best.
See you soon.
455
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:44,261
Girl.
456
00:20:44,464 --> 00:20:46,698
Captioned by Media Access Group
at WGBH access.wgbh.org
457
00:20:46,784 --> 00:20:48,565
Sync corrections by srjanapala
33935
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof