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1
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,436
So, Mom, what's the big surprise?
2
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,871
Why are we sitting here
like blind Lone Rangers?
3
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:26,675
Yeah.
4
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,758
And why can I still hear you
with this mask on?
5
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:33,080
Just hang on, kids.
6
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:37,319
Here it comes.
7
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,871
Oh, my God, an M&M.
8
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,794
And I got a W&W.
9
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,639
Hey, wait a second.
10
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,308
Why are you treating us so good?
11
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,238
Yeah, Mom. Why'd you cook for us?
12
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,355
Well, can't a mother show her love?
13
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,075
Okay.
14
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,952
I did it so you'd be in good moods...
15
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,879
...when I told you that my relatives
are coming for a visit.
16
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,951
No. Not Zemus and Ida Mae.
17
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,919
Oh, hush.
They both wear clothes now...
18
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:20,118
...and they're not gonna
be any trouble to anyone.
19
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:38,436
Hey, Peg, did you know
we're out of towels in the bathroom?
20
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,320
Guess you didn't tell Dad
your family was coming.
21
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,159
Well, he never warns me
when he is...
22
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,793
...so I feel like I owe him nothing.
23
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,992
God, I love Sundays.
24
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,919
The one day of the week
I get to sleep later than you, Peg.
25
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,469
Saturday night I stay up
extra, extra late...
26
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,194
...eat an enormous amount
of tacos...
27
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,278
...to make absolutely sure
there's no way in the world...
28
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,869
...that when I wake up,
you'll be next to me.
29
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,439
You don't have to eat tacos
for that, honey.
30
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,759
But I can't afford
to take that chance, Peg.
31
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:27,795
But when I know you're gone, I can
finally slip out of my underwear...
32
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,510
...and sleep safely naked
as God intended.
33
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,308
Oh, the sensations.
34
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,796
Why, with Mommy gone,
I almost feel sexual.
35
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,556
Yeah, nothing can ruin Sunday
for me.
36
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,318
Wait a minute. What's that?
37
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,472
Open your mouth.
38
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,677
It's an M&M.
39
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,559
Oh, God. Your family's coming!
40
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,750
How much time do I have?
41
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,956
Great Caesar's ghost, they're here!
42
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,151
- Have you made the preparations?
- Of course.
43
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,590
- What about the dog?
- He's ready.
44
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,953
Shouldn't we have a sign like that?
45
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,435
Here, here.
Everybody take one of these.
46
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:25,474
If they move on you, smack them
on the nose and say, "No."
47
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,831
Open up! We know you're in there!
48
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,799
I'm coming.
49
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,959
All right, now, kids,
smile as if Daddy had died.
50
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,072
Okay.
51
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,510
- Zemus, Ida Mae.
- Peggy.
52
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,756
You look good enough to eat.
53
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,789
- Little cousin.
- No.
54
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,354
- Big boy.
- Don't even dream about it, Zemus.
55
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,110
So where's the dog?
56
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,558
By the way, what's with that line?
57
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,432
Are you gonna tie it to your porch...
58
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,835
...to make sure you can
find your way home?
59
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,834
No, it's for our youngest child.
60
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,076
We believe in giving the boy
a little freedom.
61
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,555
That way, if he feels cooped up
in the Winnebago...
62
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,479
...he can gallop alongside of us
down the highway.
63
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,909
Folks, meet little Seven.
64
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,111
Seven?
Well, why'd you pick that name?
65
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,717
Because we had one, two, three,
four, five, seven kids.
66
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,509
- Say hi to your cousin.
- Oh, hello.
67
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,835
Is that the one
who's gonna give me money?
68
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:17,397
Yeah, that's the rich one.
Go bond with him.
69
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:24,196
I love you, you big lug.
70
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,471
Give me money.
71
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,031
Do you know where your knee is?
72
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,152
Yes, I do, so give me money.
73
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,956
Kids, why don't you take
little Seven upstairs.
74
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,912
Come here, Seven.
75
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,153
We'll take him up to Bud's room.
76
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,555
Have you ever seen
a rubber woman?
77
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,993
Isis is not rubber,
she's breathable latex.
78
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,073
And she breaks, just like a little girl.
79
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,077
Come on in.
80
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,590
Isn't this nice?
81
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,475
We're swingers.
We're into swapping.
82
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:40,952
But don't be put off, it doesn't have to
be the traditional man-woman thing.
83
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,678
And this little Peggy
never goes to market.
84
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,792
And this little Peggy stays home.
85
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:59,788
And this little Peggy eats bonbons.
86
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,716
And these little children have none.
87
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,390
I want them to do the song again.
88
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,074
He only wants us to do it
because he knows we hate it.
89
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,559
- Is that true, Seven?
- Yes.
90
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,838
And a-one and a-two.
91
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:21,278
- Baby face- Baby face
92
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,075
- You've got the cutest little baby face- You've got the cutest little baby face
93
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,510
- Not another one could take your place- Not another one could take your place
94
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,711
- Baby face!- Baby face!
95
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,752
Hi, kids.
96
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,638
- Good to be home.
- Where did you disappear to?
97
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,632
Well, I crawled
under the doggy door...
98
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:46,276
...when Zemus turned out the lights
and said, "Let's exchange trousers."
99
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,513
Is that your real nose?
100
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:59,556
Seven, if you were thinking of pulling
his hair, try grabbing it out of his ears.
101
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,157
Unlike his head, it just seems
to grow and grow and grow.
102
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:09,558
Peg, why is this kid sitting on my lap?
Doesn't his father have a groin?
103
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:16,032
By the way, where are the Kettles?
104
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,631
Well, right after you left,
they went out for cigarettes.
105
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,473
And you let them go?
106
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,995
That has to be
the dumbest move in history.
107
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,634
No, the second dumbest.
The first dumbest had to be...
108
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,798
...when I answered your phone call
the day after we had sex.
109
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:41,988
Peg, you just let these people
stick us with their kid.
110
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,876
Oh, my God. I've got another child!
111
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,478
Now, Peg, I'm gonna
remove my hands.
112
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,478
Please don't show him
how upset you are.
113
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,078
What's the matter?
Did he find out my folks are gone?
114
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,278
No. No, no.
Just went out for cigarettes...
115
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,118
...be right back.
- No, they won't.
116
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:16,229
But that's okay. I'll just
live with Mommy and you, Daddy.
117
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,869
- Not another who could take your place- Not another who could take your place
118
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,872
Oh, Peg, I've got another kid.
119
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,548
Oh, got another kid.
120
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,673
Oh, Al, I'm happy.
121
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,189
I wanna keep him. The kids love him.
122
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,311
And Buck has really taken to him.
123
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,556
You should see the two of them
play together.
124
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:49,079
- Oh, look, here he comes.
- Doggy, wanna go to the dentist?
125
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,360
I guess he's still sore
from playing doctor.
126
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:08,554
- What is it, Peg?
- It's just the love.
127
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,477
Oh, Al, I have to keep him.
128
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,672
This boy needs a mother,
and I am a born mommy.
129
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:20,233
- Can I go throw rocks at cars?
- Sure, honey.
130
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,313
Just look both ways before throwing.
131
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,115
Well, hey, aren't you
a cute little guy.
132
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:41,317
- Hey, mister, which car is yours?
- That pretty blue one.
133
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,797
- So where are his parents?
- Oh, they went out for cigarettes.
134
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,799
The old cigarette ploy.
135
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,197
They stuck you with their kid,
and they're never coming back.
136
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,392
So, what are you gonna name
this one, Financial Burden III?
137
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,757
Peggy, I envy you.
138
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:21,670
A new child, and you didn't even
have to touch that man to get it.
139
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,318
Yeah, I couldn't be happier.
140
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,511
Of course,
Al will have to get another job.
141
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,438
And it may be tough
on Bud and Kelly...
142
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,313
...you know, with not enough love
to go around and all.
143
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,830
But I don't really see
any downside for me.
144
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:39,157
Gee, Al, another child.
145
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,430
What a blessing.
146
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,113
It shouldn't be much of a strain
on your salary...
147
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:49,638
...which couldn't support a family of
goats in the mountains of Paraguay.
148
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:54,432
But on the bright side,
another child could be such a joy.
149
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:58,912
Let's take the time to think of all
the things that you can teach him.
150
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,913
Well, I can't think of anything.
Can you?
151
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,716
Now, Marcie...
152
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,912
...don't take this as an insult...
153
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:13,396
...you parakeet in a flannel shirt.
154
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,076
But speaking as a friend...
155
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,636
...your body shows no signs
of womanhood.
156
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,310
Obvious to me, you're barren.
157
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,238
And even if by some miracle...
158
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:28,558
...you actually laid an egg
and then hatched a child...
159
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,309
...and tried to breast-feed it,
the kid would starve to death.
160
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:38,988
Let's face it, Marce...
161
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,112
...there can't be enough milk in there
for a cup of coffee.
162
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,029
So having said that with love...
163
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,034
...from one friend to another...
164
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:56,313
...I offer you the son you'll never
have. Let me go get his clothes.
165
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,908
Al, I couldn't possibly
take anything from you.
166
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,953
Instead, let me give you something.
167
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,352
Ten fingers of death.
168
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:11,155
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
169
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,151
And I have breasts, damn it.
170
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,757
She really does, Al.
You just can't see them.
171
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,079
Right, honey?
172
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,192
Like I can see everything on you?
173
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,714
You said that wasn't important.
174
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,399
Well, I lied.
175
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,950
Wait a second.
Can't we go back to picking on Al?
176
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,710
You're right, honey.
177
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:50,470
So, Daddy No-Bucks,
where's the new kid gonna sleep?
178
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,719
So that's the real story of the breakup
of me and Cindy Crawford.
179
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,228
You know, you're not
that interesting either.
180
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:10,114
And now, we put me to sleep.
181
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,552
Don't mind me, Bud.
I just came in to say good night.
182
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:20,274
- Good night.
- Yeah, thanks.
183
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:27,914
- My little man.
- Mommy, he bored me.
184
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,228
How about a nice little lullaby?
185
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,195
Okay, here we go.
186
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,433
Hush, little baby, don't you cry
187
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,598
Bud will be gone soonSo kiss him goodbye
188
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,270
And if Bud won't leave on his own
189
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,677
I'll throw him out,
and then it'll just be me and you.
190
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,150
I'll cook for you,
and everything will be so nice.
191
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,397
Mom, Mom. He's sleeping.
192
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,475
I guess I just got carried away.
193
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,671
It's so hard to leave this little guy.
194
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,191
Come here.
195
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,192
Okay.
196
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,428
Good night.
197
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,949
- Good night, Mom.
- Yeah, thanks.
198
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:19,159
Hooters. Oh, hooters,
come out and play.
199
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,159
Bud...
200
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,269
...I have to ask you a question.
201
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,833
You have waited 19 years
for someone to get in bed with you.
202
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,430
Tell me, is it everything
you had hoped for?
203
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,918
Oh, I'm just teasing you, you little
emotionally arrested Smurf.
204
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:44,873
I brought you a little present.
205
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,196
Now that you're sharing
your pad with Seven...
206
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,470
...I wanted to give you something
to decorate.
207
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,477
A little eye candy
for the both of you.
208
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,833
There you go, college man.
209
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,112
"Wags, the Perplexed Pup."
210
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:06,472
Cartoon cutie.
Well, as if I had to tell you.
211
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:10,874
Hey, great place
for a Blossom calendar.
212
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,909
How much must I endure?
213
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,395
God, she isn't bad, is she?
214
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,312
Oh, God, look at my life.
215
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,317
I don't get it.
216
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,996
I'm so cute.
217
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,671
What am I even doing home?
218
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,156
I know I've got the bod,
got the arms...
219
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:42,388
...the chest, and even I can't
keep my hands off my butt.
220
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,200
You really should talk to Daddy.
221
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,239
Anyway, I couldn't bear
to be away from this little guy.
222
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,749
I'm gonna take him to bed with me.
223
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,558
You do take that down
when friends are over, don't you?
224
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:12,068
Well, at least I got some privacy.
225
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,078
Hi, girls.
226
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,756
Come to papa.
227
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,719
Don't mind me, son.
Just avoiding your mother.
228
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,110
Hey, now.
229
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,149
What's this?
230
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,030
"Hooters, absolutely no faces."
231
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,759
Goodish.
232
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,554
- Come on, Dad.
- Go to sleep.
233
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,674
Bud, did you do this?
234
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:01,116
Oh, God, look at my life.
I'm sitting in my own son's wet spot.
235
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,671
I don't get it.
236
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,676
So cute.
237
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,116
How could this be my fate?
238
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,391
I should've married for money.
239
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,716
I always had the bod.
240
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,432
Got the arms.
241
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,232
God never made a nicer butt.
242
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,959
I can't live like this,
but I'll tell you what I can do.
243
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,037
I'm gonna track down
Seven's parents...
244
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,435
...and I'm gonna get this house
back to normal.
245
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,516
And I want Wags hanging on my wall
when I get back, son.
246
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:58,399
- Fill her up, sir?- Nope. Making a delivery.
247
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:12,429
- Ninety-two octane?- Yeah, whatever.
248
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,834
And the Atlanta Bravestake the field.
249
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:32,070
Welcome to our monthly
underwear fashion show.
250
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,911
And now,
here's supermodel, Zemus...
251
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:48,079
...wearing lovely blue Hanes.
252
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,035
- Hi.
- Hi.
253
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,875
I think we should talk.
254
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:09,112
Gee, I hope Daddy
doesn't find your parents...
255
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:13,074
...so you can stay with us forever.
- Me too.
256
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,472
Yeah, us too.
257
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,589
Hi, Al. Did you find his parents?
258
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,359
No.
259
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,672
Couldn't find them.
260
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,472
So we can keep him?
261
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,637
Guess so.
262
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,151
Daddy!
263
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:54,075
Oh, by the way, everybody,
today was payday.
20257
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