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Previously on girls5eva:
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Do it, bitch.
3
00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:12,720
No. No. Uh, too far back.
4
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,446
Maryland.
5
00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:18,350
There you go. Good job.
6
00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:22,640
Maryland.
7
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:25,326
The site of my
hardscrabble youth.
8
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:27,996
- Are we staying with your parents?
- Oh, no, no, no.
9
00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:31,126
My mother's in a home now,
and my father's not in the picture.
10
00:00:31,150 --> 00:00:33,296
- Oh.
- Percy, film this!
11
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,086
- No! You just have to focus on driving!
- Put your phone down!
12
00:00:36,110 --> 00:00:40,426
I don't know if any of you saw access
Hollywood on September 24, 2005...
13
00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:43,226
- Wilmer valderrama got his braces off.
- Well,
14
00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:47,186
when my fragrance, thrust,
was purchased by terminix,
15
00:00:47,210 --> 00:00:49,146
I bought my mother a house.
16
00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:51,816
Mama, I got you a house.
17
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,986
Oh, honey, thank
you, but I don't...
18
00:00:56,010 --> 00:00:59,220
♪ This is your day, mama ♪
19
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:03,656
♪ and I don't want or
need a "thank you" ♪
20
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,366
♪ this is about you ♪
21
00:01:06,390 --> 00:01:09,786
Wow! That is so
generous of you, wickie.
22
00:01:09,810 --> 00:01:11,836
I only wish I
could've done more.
23
00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:15,836
Like I said in the song "daughter
hero" from my album yesternights...
24
00:01:15,860 --> 00:01:21,530
♪ Not all daughters wear ♪
25
00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:24,450
♪ capes ♪
26
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:26,977
Sorry.
27
00:01:27,001 --> 00:01:30,106
Okay. We do need a place
to crash and figure stuff out.
28
00:01:30,130 --> 00:01:32,436
We have zero
gigs till radio city.
29
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,776
We lost all our momentum.
30
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,236
How the hell are we
gonna sell 6000 tickets?
31
00:01:36,260 --> 00:01:38,946
I think the only option
is figuring out a way
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00:01:38,970 --> 00:01:40,826
that we can buy ourselves
out of the contract.
33
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,786
- Mm-hm.
- No, we are not bailing on the show.
34
00:01:43,810 --> 00:01:44,946
Yeah, Gloria.
35
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:46,206
What are you doing?
36
00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:47,416
Who's driving?!
37
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,400
My watch said to move.
38
00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:57,876
♪ Gonna be famous 5eva
'cause 4eva's too short ♪
39
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,296
♪ it's too short ♪
40
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:05,540
♪ gonna be famous 3-gether
'cause that's one more than 2-gether ♪
41
00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:12,266
♪ gonna be famous 5eva
'cause 4eva's too short ♪
42
00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:14,856
♪ so, what are
you waiting five? ♪
43
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:19,260
♪ Girls5eva ♪
44
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:31,496
Oh, my god.
45
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,706
Ah, my tits are asleep.
46
00:02:33,730 --> 00:02:34,796
I'm so tired.
47
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:37,530
Percy, film this. I
feel tears coming on.
48
00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:42,136
Is there anything sadder
than an empty house?
49
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,806
Getting catfished by an octopus
whose tank is next to a computer?
50
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,306
Rhetorical.
51
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:47,806
Okay, you guys, look,
52
00:02:47,830 --> 00:02:50,306
I know wickie doesn't wanna
hear it, but Gloria's right.
53
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:52,686
We should find a way
to buy out our contract.
54
00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:54,606
I guess I could get in
touch with Lance bass
55
00:02:54,630 --> 00:02:56,856
and see if he'd let me
sell our old sex tape.
56
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,026
Ooh. Try to find me.
57
00:02:59,050 --> 00:03:03,316
I want your flat
body and tan dangler.
58
00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:04,406
Nuh-uh.
59
00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:05,616
You find me.
60
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,696
I'm hiding.
61
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,326
This is so hot.
62
00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:10,456
- -Two hiders. Unh!
- So hot.
63
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,916
Or I could maybe write
something commercial.
64
00:03:13,940 --> 00:03:15,456
Like a Christmas song?
65
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,086
There's never been a bad one.
66
00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:19,666
Or one about Mrs. Claus.
67
00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:21,796
- Oh. Feminist.
- Yeah.
68
00:03:21,820 --> 00:03:25,506
♪ She's baking
pies by candlelight ♪
69
00:03:25,530 --> 00:03:28,676
♪ and Santa, he'll
be gone all night ♪
70
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:32,346
♪ I know I'm just a tiny elf ♪
71
00:03:32,370 --> 00:03:37,186
♪ but I can keep you
warm all by myself ♪
72
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:41,566
♪ I can love you
like he won't, baby ♪
73
00:03:41,590 --> 00:03:42,527
What are you doing?
74
00:03:42,551 --> 00:03:45,066
- I don't know. I'm all hormones.
- Well, I'm already ahead of you
75
00:03:45,090 --> 00:03:47,486
because in the Van I googled,
"make money fast," "who am I?",
76
00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:48,826
"needs validation,"
77
00:03:48,850 --> 00:03:52,076
and I found this incredible
business opportunity
78
00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,786
to be your own girlboss.
79
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:57,496
I'm gonna be a "she-e-o."
80
00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,466
- Of what?
- Selling tooth-whitening gummies.
81
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,836
- Summer, that sounds like a multi-level...
- Marketing scam?
82
00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:05,870
They said that you'd say
that. Impressive, right?
83
00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:07,780
Recipient found.
84
00:04:08,370 --> 00:04:11,200
Dropping in three, two...
85
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,096
Oh, the gummies are here!
86
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,936
How did you know the address?
87
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,436
I didn't. The app tracks me.
88
00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:19,606
Oh, boy.
89
00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:21,186
This seems like a scam.
90
00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:23,356
Um, ha. No.
91
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:26,090
Would a woman
scam another woman?
92
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:30,946
Mm! Stacy is all about
female empowerment.
93
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:31,970
Mm.
94
00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:35,076
What's different
about tooth smartz?
95
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:38,916
Well, first of all, there's no founder
to have sex with. It's not like that.
96
00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:42,506
Ladies, we are building
a confidence army.
97
00:04:42,530 --> 00:04:43,796
Because studies show that...
98
00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:48,030
- Who's the guy in the back?
- That Stacy's boyfriend, the exalted Kyle.
99
00:04:50,740 --> 00:04:52,120
You ever think about...
100
00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:54,846
Selling the place?
101
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:57,306
We could use the money.
Or, at the very least,
102
00:04:57,330 --> 00:05:00,726
my brother owns a company
that melts toilets for porcelain.
103
00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:03,946
I'd sell, but mama still thinks she's
gonna come back here someday.
104
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,066
Oh.
105
00:05:05,090 --> 00:05:06,130
Breaks my heart.
106
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:09,470
What the dick? Mom?
107
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,826
Language, Lesley.
108
00:05:11,850 --> 00:05:14,706
I thought I heard voices.
109
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:17,626
Oh! Oh, my goodness!
110
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,456
It's the girls5eva.
111
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,916
And their friend Percy.
112
00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:23,966
Mom, what are you doing here?
113
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,136
Did you wander
off, Mrs. Wiggens?
114
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,716
- Do you know where you are?
- Please shut up, dawn.
115
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,846
Honestly, what have you been
telling people about me now?
116
00:05:32,870 --> 00:05:33,807
We don't live here.
117
00:05:33,831 --> 00:05:36,726
We still live in the house Lesley
grew up in over in clarksville.
118
00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:38,346
Clarksville?
119
00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:42,646
That's the home of the champion
dressage horse plantain conchita.
120
00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,026
That place is noice.
121
00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:46,146
Is that Lee-Lee?
122
00:05:46,170 --> 00:05:47,696
Oh, my god!
123
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,050
Daddy!
124
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,616
What are you two doing here?
125
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,196
Oh, we come out every couple of
weeks to keep the place looking nice.
126
00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:57,366
We don't wanna hurt
folks' property values.
127
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:59,206
Honestly, we
would love to sell it,
128
00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:02,230
but it's a little close
to the army base!
129
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:06,126
You girls can't stay
here with all this noise!
130
00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:09,740
And this town has
competing serial killers.
131
00:06:12,950 --> 00:06:15,346
Make yourselves at home, girls.
132
00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:18,266
Yes. Now, Lesley, you
can be in your old bedroom.
133
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,830
We haven't changed a thing.
134
00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:22,566
Summer, do you not have a bag?
135
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,646
Oh, no, I burned all my clothes.
136
00:06:24,670 --> 00:06:27,606
Well, I have some old suits
in the guest-room closet.
137
00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:28,527
I'm a lawyer.
138
00:06:28,551 --> 00:06:30,816
They may not suit your
style, but help yourself.
139
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:35,576
Oh, no, that's perfect, because I'm
about to be a slutting-edge "she-e-o."
140
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,060
Sure, why not?
141
00:06:37,770 --> 00:06:39,916
We are so happy for you girls.
142
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:41,996
Lesley has been telling
us on the family zooms
143
00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:46,110
all about fort worth and about
getting booked at radio city.
144
00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:50,796
And I wanna hear more about
this chef that you're dating.
145
00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,200
- Oh.
- Ah...
146
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,386
What is going on?
Why did you lie?
147
00:06:57,410 --> 00:07:00,556
Please. I let my parents
know what they need to know.
148
00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:01,920
- The good stuff.
- No.
149
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:04,646
You lied to us, wickie.
150
00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:07,776
You said your mother was in a home
and your dad was out of the picture.
151
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,986
Well, is this not a home?
152
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:13,156
And do you see my dad
in any of these pictures?
153
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:15,906
No, because he's always
the one taking them.
154
00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:17,286
He's a shutterbug.
155
00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:18,810
Find the lie, dawn.
156
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,376
You said that most years there
was no Christmas in your house.
157
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,626
We usually spent Christmas
at our timeshare in Aruba.
158
00:07:24,650 --> 00:07:26,206
What about your siblings?
159
00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:29,336
The twins that were always
in and out of the hospital.
160
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,966
Grace and Derek are both
oncologists. I could do this all day.
161
00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:34,796
Your family lived in
a Van in high school.
162
00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:36,886
For ten days. It's the best
way to see New Zealand.
163
00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:39,016
You never knew where your
next meal was coming from.
164
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,266
- We could never agree on takeout.
- Your dog got shot.
165
00:07:41,290 --> 00:07:43,766
- With vaccines.
- And your aunt who rode the white horse?
166
00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:45,726
Perhaps you've heard
of plantain conchita?
167
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:47,436
Whatever.
168
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:50,026
All this talk about
your "hardscrabble life"
169
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,106
is bullshit.
170
00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:52,027
Is it?
171
00:07:52,051 --> 00:07:54,196
My family is very
good at scrabble.
172
00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:55,696
It's hard. Look at the board!
173
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,076
All those hooks and extensions?
174
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,196
Hard scrabble.
175
00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:02,286
I don't get who this is for.
176
00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:05,126
So you bought your mom a
house so you could, what?
177
00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:06,996
Look like a big shot on TV?
178
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,496
It's showbiz 101, dawn.
179
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,296
Access Hollywood doesn't
do a story about this.
180
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:15,336
You think my childhood in
clarksville is gonna inspire a biopic?
181
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,756
Where's the drama?
182
00:08:16,780 --> 00:08:19,966
Me not wanting to wear my
retainer, but then wearing it?
183
00:08:19,990 --> 00:08:21,846
You're no Shania twain.
184
00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:23,436
Look it up. She's a hero.
185
00:08:23,460 --> 00:08:26,516
All I did was create a
more intriguing narrative
186
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,066
without technically lying.
187
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,186
You're mom's a lawyer.
188
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:33,720
- You said she dropped out.
- I never said of what. It's airplanes!
189
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,720
At the air force academy.
190
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,430
In Colorado Springs, Colorado.
191
00:08:42,930 --> 00:08:44,956
Careful, sweetie.
192
00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:45,877
So sorry.
193
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,286
Yeah, it's not a toy.
194
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:49,876
She's a Bristol sloop.
195
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:53,716
The real thing is going to be
my retirement gift to myself.
196
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:55,586
Oh, do you need any boat names?
197
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,796
Pier pressure. Fish
better have my money.
198
00:08:57,820 --> 00:08:58,966
Marlin wayans.
199
00:08:58,990 --> 00:09:01,596
David harbour. Drain
"the dock" Johnson.
200
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:04,580
- Thank you, Gloria. Those are great.
- Billy ocean.
201
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:08,686
I'm a girlboss.
202
00:09:08,710 --> 00:09:09,936
Buy. Sell.
203
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,066
There's cake in the break
room for Sharon's birthday.
204
00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:15,396
You hear about Paul? Happened at
his desk. There was blood everywhere.
205
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:17,276
Your teeth, they're gorgeous!
206
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:18,970
They are?
207
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,826
I'm still confident it's a Ponzi
scheme, but that product works.
208
00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:26,140
I look facetune'd.
209
00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:29,126
Oh!
210
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:33,456
See? This is the benefit of having
the tooth smartz app track me.
211
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,466
Regional icebreakers to
help me close the "sheal."
212
00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:39,926
Is "sheal" the female version
of "deal"? That doesn't work.
213
00:09:39,950 --> 00:09:45,936
"Boy, Maryland's recreational-crabbing
license fees sure are high this year."
214
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,420
You got that right.
215
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,976
Oh! Should the wiggenses be
my first sale? They've got money.
216
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,646
No, do not bother our
hosts with that crap.
217
00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:55,776
You're being a
suppressive entity.
218
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,356
My sales literature says
219
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:01,300
that I need to cut people like
you out of my life permanently.
220
00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:03,970
Bye.
221
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:11,626
So we're in midair on
a flight to scottsdale,
222
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:15,666
when little Lesley spots
Tommy mottola in first class.
223
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:17,216
The record producer.
224
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:21,096
So she tells the flight attendant
she desperately wants pilot wings.
225
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,466
She gets into the
cockpit, locks the pilot out.
226
00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:27,346
♪ Finally, it's
happening to me ♪
227
00:10:27,370 --> 00:10:28,686
Young lady, open the door!
228
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:30,266
♪ Right in front of my face ♪
229
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:31,187
Right now!
230
00:10:31,211 --> 00:10:33,106
♪ My feelings cannot hide it ♪
231
00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:36,010
And it wasn't even
Tommy mottola!
232
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,406
It's a good thing I
married a lawyer.
233
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:43,076
God love her, but Lesley
used to take some big swings.
234
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,786
Oh, she still does.
235
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:48,706
So you guys always would
come in and bail her out?
236
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:51,400
Well, she's our daughter.
237
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:56,046
Remember the time she got
ahold of one of my credit cards
238
00:10:56,070 --> 00:10:59,400
and bought all of
those billboards on 95?
239
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:08,176
We had to buy out the
whole three-year contract.
240
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,250
Oh, my god.
241
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,026
Laugh it up.
242
00:11:18,050 --> 00:11:21,316
Wickie's just a real
Sebastian maniscalco.
243
00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:24,116
Oh, come on, honey.
We're just having fun.
244
00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:26,786
- You know we always support you.
- Maybe that's the problem.
245
00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:27,787
What is?
246
00:11:27,811 --> 00:11:30,940
All of this wonderful support.
247
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:35,376
- Do you know how diamonds are formed?
- I know that pearls are oysters' babies.
248
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,006
Pressure. Not this.
249
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:41,966
This is how you make
nobodies like Derek and grace.
250
00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:44,046
Your brother and sister
have done very well.
251
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,007
They're both doctors.
252
00:11:45,031 --> 00:11:47,216
Do you know how many
doctors there are in this country?
253
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,676
Name one you've ever heard of.
254
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:49,597
Your brother.
255
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:51,516
Ooh! Also your sister.
256
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:54,306
- Dr. Bev, host of critter mouth.
- Love that show.
257
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:57,686
Really, I don't understand
what you're saying we did wrong.
258
00:11:57,710 --> 00:12:00,356
You coddled me.
259
00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:03,196
Why couldn't you be one of
those sick pageant parents
260
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:06,100
that live your shattered
dreams through me?
261
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:10,196
No, you're the kind of parents
that just let you up and quit tap?
262
00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:11,560
Now look!
263
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,756
Oh! Oh!
264
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:25,256
- That's pretty good.
- Exactly.
265
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,216
Pretty good.
266
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:32,176
Little Lesley never stood a
chance being raised by you two.
267
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,596
- Who's Lesley?
- I don't know. Shh.
268
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,686
That's why I'm still a lump
of coal trapped in a Van
269
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:40,606
with some dentist, two
moms, and whatever Percy is.
270
00:12:40,630 --> 00:12:42,146
Well, the medical term...
271
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:46,140
I wish I'd never been
born upper middle class!
272
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:53,810
This is so beautiful!
273
00:12:57,650 --> 00:12:59,190
Mr. and Mrs. Wiggens,
274
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:02,626
is now a good time to hear about
275
00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:06,160
a revolutionary new
teeth-blanching system?
276
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,780
There's been a car accident.
Can I use your phone?
277
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:13,386
Wait, I'm sorry. I'm already
in the house. Hold on.
278
00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:15,620
I just have to skip
forward a little bit.
279
00:13:16,580 --> 00:13:18,146
But don't take my word for it.
280
00:13:18,170 --> 00:13:22,186
Take it from somebody whose
opinion is totally objective.
281
00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:24,486
Uh, the exalted Kyle.
282
00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:28,300
Okay, and now I'm just gonna
do a little airplay thing. Okay.
283
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:31,366
- Do you know which input I need to use?
- Oh, uh...
284
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:33,246
Now, hang on.
285
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:36,576
Grace, uh, set all
this up. I could call her.
286
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,536
Do you need this password?
287
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,126
Oh, okay, look, there
it is. And we got it.
288
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:43,586
What's up, bitches?
It's your girl-blob.
289
00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:47,046
Oh! Oops. No. That's the wrong
video. This is just me practicing.
290
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:51,886
- Ignore this. Ignore this part.
- Tooth gummies. You dumb cunt.
291
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:55,476
- Why won't it stop playing?
- Why can't you do anything right?
292
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:58,096
Don't update now! Okay.
293
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,856
- What are you?
- You're sleeping pills, I guess. Huh?
294
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,040
Oh!
295
00:14:07,510 --> 00:14:08,760
Oh, my god, I...
296
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:11,470
I'm so sorry.
297
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:13,576
Just forget it.
298
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,946
No.
299
00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:17,866
No, that was good, summer.
300
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:21,690
Yeah, we'll take the whole box.
301
00:14:22,270 --> 00:14:23,440
Really?
302
00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:27,070
You wanna join my sales army
of confident bitches, Mr. Wiggens?
303
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,466
I'd love to.
304
00:14:29,490 --> 00:14:32,160
Thank you so much.
305
00:14:37,790 --> 00:14:39,160
Don't even think about it.
306
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,590
I brought you a plate.
307
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,500
Thank you.
308
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:48,737
This is empty.
309
00:14:48,761 --> 00:14:50,930
I ate it all on the
way up. Sorry.
310
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:54,366
Can you believe
this coddle-ment?
311
00:14:54,390 --> 00:14:56,576
They kept my bedroom
exactly the way I left it,
312
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,430
including my lego egot.
313
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,786
Hey, so, what's the
most amount of money
314
00:15:03,810 --> 00:15:05,956
your parents have ever
spent to bail you out of a jam?
315
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:08,086
You macaroni rascal.
316
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:11,336
I am not asking my parents
to bail us out of radio city.
317
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,530
I know $570,000
is a big ask... no!
318
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,016
My mother is winding
down her practice.
319
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,830
My father is retiring
and buying a sailboat.
320
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,316
When I was living in L.A.,
321
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,396
I took a job doing background
work on the goldbergs,
322
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:29,970
rather than go crying
to mommy and daddy.
323
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,236
Ever walk through a Jeff
garlin fart cloud, dawn?
324
00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:37,036
Well, I would walk
through a billion garlin farts
325
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:39,310
before I ask them
for money again.
326
00:15:40,770 --> 00:15:43,076
No. I am not letting
you off the hook.
327
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,786
But that was so compelling.
328
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:48,586
Wickie, I love that
you take big swings,
329
00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:51,150
but we're screwed
and I'm scared.
330
00:15:51,780 --> 00:15:55,886
Do you have a better idea? I don't
wanna have this baby in prison.
331
00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:59,136
Bane was born in prison
and he's friends with Batman.
332
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,096
- Look, I did the math...
- Nerd.
333
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,896
You just made
the bane reference.
334
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,016
Well, I'm pretty sure I got it wrong,
and I think it's spelled with an "I."
335
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,106
Wickie.
336
00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:10,606
- Do you know how much our tickets cost?
- Sixty bucks.
337
00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:14,066
That's before ticketmaster adds
a service fee, a processing fee,
338
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:16,406
facilities fee, fee
transparency fee.
339
00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:19,036
Entrance fee, exit
fee, surcharge fee.
340
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:22,996
Our tickets actually
cost over $500 each.
341
00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:24,496
Fuck.
342
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,916
Even if it wasn't Thanksgiving,
that would be impossible.
343
00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:29,860
- So to quote you...
- Listening.
344
00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:35,110
Please, join me
in the real world.
345
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:43,886
Oh, honey, that is
some hard scrabble.
346
00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:45,476
Well done.
347
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:47,040
Thank you, dear.
348
00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:49,630
Mommy? Daddy?
349
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,460
Can we talk?
350
00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:57,260
- Lesley, what's wrong?
- Lesley, what's wrong?
351
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:02,286
- Mm-mm!
- Oh.
352
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:04,206
- How great are the wiggenses?
- Mm-hm!
353
00:17:04,230 --> 00:17:06,036
Doesn't it feel like a
weight has been lifted?
354
00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:07,037
- Mm-hm.
- Hey.
355
00:17:07,061 --> 00:17:09,376
I've never seen your
mouth closed, ever.
356
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,706
What's going on? Why
are you being weird?
357
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:14,046
Open it. Come here.
358
00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:15,280
Come here!
359
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:17,846
- Open it.
- Mm-mm.
360
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,346
You think a dentist doesn't
know how to open a mouth?
361
00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:21,660
- Titty twister.
- Ow!
362
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:25,910
What kind of god
would allow this?
363
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,000
Hey.
364
00:17:31,590 --> 00:17:32,397
Good news.
365
00:17:32,421 --> 00:17:33,856
I made some calls,
366
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,446
and the brown note in
Harrisburg would love to have us.
367
00:17:36,470 --> 00:17:38,760
Two hundred seats
before midnight.
368
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:44,770
They asked what we want on our rider.
I panicked and yelled "clock radios!"
369
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,190
Hey.
370
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,506
I know asking your
parents was hard.
371
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:57,676
My mom has to take a lucrative
case defending Jeffrey Epstein's ghost.
372
00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:58,886
And this morning,
373
00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:03,466
my dad called his boat guy and
said the eight words every man dreads:
374
00:18:03,490 --> 00:18:07,000
"Sorry, boat guy. I'm
not getting the boat."
375
00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:10,476
Oh. We will pay them back.
376
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:11,590
Eventually.
377
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:15,736
Look, we're gonna hit it big,
just not before Thanksgiving.
378
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,066
Come on, come
on! Let's hit the road.
379
00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:20,010
- I'm staying.
- What?
380
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:23,986
You know why my parents
never changed this room?
381
00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:26,456
Because I keep coming back.
382
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,116
After yesternights failed.
383
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:31,246
After my hallmark
Christmas movie,
384
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:34,246
Mrs. Claus and hunky
the elf: Portrait of erotica,
385
00:18:34,270 --> 00:18:35,796
was denounced by the pope.
386
00:18:35,820 --> 00:18:37,796
Maybe that's where I
got the idea for that song.
387
00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:42,030
I'm not special enough to
overcome this non-tragic backstory.
388
00:18:43,910 --> 00:18:45,740
My parents aren't the problem.
389
00:18:46,410 --> 00:18:47,410
I am.
390
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,186
Wickie, come on.
391
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:51,290
Who's wickie?
392
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:53,710
I'm just...
393
00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:57,300
Lesley Jenny wiggens.
394
00:18:58,090 --> 00:19:00,446
Thousands of people
can sing like I can.
395
00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:04,366
I'm the same pretty as,
like, hundreds of people.
396
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:06,720
Dozens. Like, ten people.
397
00:19:07,350 --> 00:19:08,890
So maybe I'll go into...
398
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:11,980
Realty.
399
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,746
My face on a bench.
400
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:16,546
Teens graffitiing it.
401
00:19:16,570 --> 00:19:19,546
And I'll go, "they
did it again, Mike."
402
00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:20,716
Who's Mike?
403
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,636
The contract guy at the office.
404
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:24,410
And, yes, we fuck sometimes.
405
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,290
This is my life now, dawn.
406
00:19:28,580 --> 00:19:29,960
And I deserve it.
407
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,976
So to quote you quoting me:
408
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,260
"Please, join me in the real
world," while I'm finally in it.
409
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,220
I'm as forgettable as a doctor.
410
00:19:58,150 --> 00:19:59,400
Mr. and Mrs. Wiggens.
411
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:02,200
Can we talk?
412
00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:07,870
- Dawn, what's wrong?
- Dawn, what's wrong?
413
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:09,976
Good lord!
414
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,306
Oh, it's the gummies.
415
00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:12,726
They're too effective.
416
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,856
I can't see any red. It's
just white all the way down.
417
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,766
You have reached the tooth
smartz customer service line.
418
00:20:17,790 --> 00:20:19,146
Representative!
419
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:22,316
I think you said, "have
sex with the exalted Kyle."
420
00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:25,050
If this is correct, press one.
421
00:20:27,430 --> 00:20:30,196
I just wanted to find my thang.
422
00:20:30,220 --> 00:20:33,996
Instead, I turned my
whole mouth white.
423
00:20:34,020 --> 00:20:36,360
And possibly everything
down to your anus.
424
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,666
Gloria, I'm useless.
425
00:20:40,690 --> 00:20:42,046
- No.
- Yeah.
426
00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:45,756
- I may as well be food on the bachelor.
- Hey. Don't say that.
427
00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:47,546
You made a sale.
428
00:20:47,570 --> 00:20:50,540
You're the only one of us
that's actually making money.
429
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:54,096
I guess that's true.
430
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,436
Thanks.
431
00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:56,460
Oh, god.
432
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,316
Are you not wearing underwear?
433
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,380
I burned all my clothes.
434
00:21:03,670 --> 00:21:05,236
Okay, young lady.
435
00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:07,276
Up and at 'em.
We're kicking you out.
436
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,010
No.
437
00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:12,116
Your mother and
I need this room.
438
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:15,286
We're turning it
into a... uh... Sex pit!
439
00:21:15,310 --> 00:21:16,746
Sex pit. Yes.
440
00:21:16,770 --> 00:21:18,956
But I'm your little Lee-Lee.
441
00:21:18,980 --> 00:21:22,126
So? We're not
coddling you anymore.
442
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:25,376
Get out, you... jerk.
443
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,386
Oh, my god. You're doing
it. You're being mean.
444
00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:30,806
Dawn told us you're
quitting the group.
445
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:32,830
Well, I'm not letting you.
446
00:21:33,410 --> 00:21:35,306
I'm a pageant daddy.
447
00:21:35,330 --> 00:21:39,540
So tuck it extra tight
and serve me eleganza.
448
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,776
What kind of pageant
are you looking up, sir?
449
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,606
I certainly hope this doesn't
spur you to greatness.
450
00:21:44,630 --> 00:21:47,316
Some people might
say you're already great.
451
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:50,906
Not us, though. Or your aunt
bev, who saves all your clippings.
452
00:21:50,930 --> 00:21:51,986
As a joke.
453
00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:53,696
'Cause you're a joke.
454
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,666
Get a fork, Carmen, because
you're gonna eat your words!
455
00:21:57,690 --> 00:22:00,786
I don't need either
of you or your monies.
456
00:22:00,810 --> 00:22:04,256
Oh, no. Your parents and I agreed
that the bedroom is plenty a motivator.
457
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:05,836
Wrong as always, dawn.
458
00:22:05,860 --> 00:22:09,320
I'd rather die than take
another cent from either of them.
459
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,516
Wait, so should I
call my boat guy
460
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:17,306
and say the six magical words
that every boat guy wants to hear?
461
00:22:17,330 --> 00:22:19,646
"I'm getting the
boat after all"?
462
00:22:19,670 --> 00:22:22,766
Wait, don't be hasty.
Remember, the money we need...
463
00:22:22,790 --> 00:22:24,226
Nope, no half-measures.
464
00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:27,526
We're buying the boat and
naming it David harbour.
465
00:22:27,550 --> 00:22:28,447
It's clever.
466
00:22:28,471 --> 00:22:29,816
Damn it. That is fun.
467
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,656
The next time you see me,
468
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,060
I'll be presenting
at the grammys!
469
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,956
How have I accomplished
anything with you holding me back?
470
00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:41,786
Don't come back until you've
made something of yourself.
471
00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:45,190
- Except for your father's 70th.
- Yes. We'll see you there.
472
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:47,150
You'll regret this.
473
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,070
Love you. I'll call you
when I get to Harrisburg.
474
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,056
Dawn, what is going on?
475
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:57,386
Wickie was sad, so I
guess radio city's back on?
476
00:22:57,410 --> 00:22:59,136
It's what? Damn it, dawn.
477
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,806
- Jesus, your mouth.
- Oh!
478
00:23:00,830 --> 00:23:03,090
Dropping in three, two...
479
00:23:04,460 --> 00:23:07,396
No! I forgot to unsubscribe.
480
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:09,880
- That says, "um, subscribe."
- No.
481
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,486
Ladies! Well, let's go!
Rise and grind, bitches!
482
00:23:14,510 --> 00:23:15,736
Percy, honk!
483
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,696
Trust me, this is better
than a depressed wickie.
484
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,416
She said she saw some fun
blouses in the window at chico's.
485
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,576
- Oh, not chico's.
- Radio city it is.
486
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,820
Thank you, mom
and dad. Love you.
487
00:23:26,860 --> 00:23:29,586
What now? I don't
care about anything.
488
00:23:29,610 --> 00:23:32,570
Boat guy, I have
six words for you.
489
00:23:34,870 --> 00:23:36,716
Here we go. Nothing
is off the table.
490
00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:39,476
Dictator birthdays,
festivals without toilets,
491
00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:41,846
halftimes at fucking
soccer games.
492
00:23:41,870 --> 00:23:43,146
Drive faster, Percy!
493
00:23:43,170 --> 00:23:44,380
I will not.
494
00:23:45,460 --> 00:23:47,226
♪ You carried me
for nine months ♪
495
00:23:47,250 --> 00:23:50,010
♪ now let me carry you ♪
496
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,776
♪ you had big
hopes, big dreams ♪
497
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,930
♪ but luck never shined on you ♪
498
00:23:57,470 --> 00:24:00,366
♪ spit out by the world ♪
499
00:24:00,390 --> 00:24:03,876
♪ like gum stuck to a shoe ♪
500
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:07,586
♪ a forgettable life
no meaning, no pride ♪
501
00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:12,610
♪ you were a diary
with nothing inside ♪
502
00:24:13,610 --> 00:24:16,160
♪ but that all
changed, thanks to ♪
503
00:24:16,910 --> 00:24:20,346
♪ daughter hero ♪
504
00:24:20,370 --> 00:24:23,396
♪ born with a heart
that's a little bigger ♪
505
00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:26,856
♪ daughter hero ♪
506
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,606
♪ like if Jesus had a sister ♪
507
00:24:30,630 --> 00:24:34,236
♪ a million bad decisions
life doesn't feel real ♪
508
00:24:34,260 --> 00:24:37,406
♪ but don't cry, mama let
daughter take the wheel ♪
509
00:24:37,430 --> 00:24:40,826
♪ 'cause you gave me
life now I'm saving yours ♪
510
00:24:40,850 --> 00:24:47,690
♪ no need to thank
me I'll only do more ♪
511
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:52,046
♪ daughter hero ♪
512
00:24:52,070 --> 00:24:55,386
♪ born with a heart
that's a little bigger ♪
513
00:24:55,410 --> 00:25:01,636
♪ 'cause not all
daughters wear ♪
514
00:25:01,660 --> 00:25:05,960
♪ capes ♪
38530
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