All language subtitles for Get.smart.1965.S02E16.DVD-Rip.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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( suspenseful music playing )

Hello, Chief, this is 86.

- What is it, Max?
- I found Walters.

He was in a rundown bar
on Front Street.

- He just left.
- Is he all right?

Well, Chief, he looks
in pretty bad shape.

I think he's at the end
of his rope.

Stay with him, Max. Walters is
a fine man and a good agent,

but in his present state he's a menace
to the entire organization.

Right, Chief. I'll stick with him.

- Off and on.
- Don't you mean "Over and out"?

No, when I sign off
I put my shoe on.

Hello, Chief. Max.

Walters is on
the Interborough Bridge.

- What's he doing?
- Well, either he's

contemplating suicide
or he's a health nut.

Max, you've got
to talk him out of it.

Now the first thing
to remember is act nonchalant.

Right, Chief.

Say, pal, you got a match?
Oh, it's you, Walters.

Uh, taking a little breath
of fresh air before turning in?

I told you to stay away
from me, 86.

Come on, Walters.
Come on down from there.

We all miss you
back at CONTROL.

It's no use.
I'm no good.

I've lied,
cheated and stolen.

And I've betrayed
my country.

Well, Walters, we all
have our weak moments.

It's not that bad.

It was all for her.

What are you talking about,
Walters?

You must believe me, 86.
I couldn't help myself.

From the moment I first saw her
I couldn't resist her.

- Chief: Max.
- Yes, Chief.

Remind him of his duty.

Right, Chief.

Now look, Walters,
as the number-two man in CONTROL,

you're not acting very rational.
Who asked you to do what?

Octavia, you fool!
Octavia!

Now, look, Walters, why don't you
come down from there

and we'll talk about it?

Keep away!
There's nothing to talk about.

Chief, he's getting ready to jump.
What'll I do now?

Use reverse psychology.

Pretend to agree with him.
Get him angry.

Right, Chief.

- Now listen, Walters--
- I'm warning you, 86.

- It won't take much to make me jump.
- Good.

I absolutely agree
with you.

As a matter of fact, if I were
in your position that's what I would do.

- What?
- Well, you said so yourself.

You're no good to anybody anymore,
not even yourself.

- The best thing to do is take a dive.
- Now wait just a minute.

Go ahead, you bum,
jump!

I dare you!

Max:
It worked, Chief!

( theme music playing )

You know, the thing
that bothers me about all this

is the pattern that's
beginning to form.

What are you
talking about, Chief?

Well, all of those men
who got into trouble

were the number-two men
of CONTROL.

First Washburn,
then Meadows,

now Walters.

We were discussing
the international code for hours.

And that very night he started
drinking and disappeared.

- Chief?
- Yes, Max.

- Could it have been something you said?
- No, Max.

One person alone
is responsible

for the ruination
of those three men--

Octavia.

Chief, I've never seen
anyone like this before--

those evil
penetrating eyes;

cold, ruthless mouth;

defiant chin;

strong, unyielding body.

- Chief?
- What?

I think I'm in love.

Max, we've got to find a pattern
in her method of operation.

What I don't
understand, Chief,

is why it's always
the number-two man.

I would think that
the CONTROL master code

would have a great deal
to do with it.

You see, our number-two man
has complete say-so

over when and how often
it's to be changed.

Well, then that means
that our new number-two man

- will be her next victim.
- Exactly.

That's why we've got
to find something in these files

that will help us set a trap
for this vicious woman.

( door opens )

- Did you want to see me, Chief?
- Yes, we can use your help, Hymie.

- Hello, Hymie.
- Oh, hello, Max.

- What's the matter with you, Hymie?
- I don't know.

I guess I'm just
a little rundown.

When was the last time you
charged your dry cells?

- Last week.
- Well, go charge your batteries.

Now Washington has decided
that the next number-two man

will come right from the ranks
of CONTROL.

- Someone from this building, Chief?
- Exactly.

- No more political appointments.
- ( mechanical whirring )

They want to make sure the next man
is well-trained for the job.

Here, Max, give these reports to Hymie
and have him memorize them.

- I needed that.
- Good, Hymie.

Now come with me.

Sit down.

I want you to take
these reports

and start filing them
in your memory bank.

Yes, Max.

Chief, when are they gonna
let us know who the new man is?

- ( cow mooing )
- That must be it.

What in the world
is that, Chief?

It's our horn phone.

Do you mean this is coming
right from the White House?

That's right.

Hymie, would you knock
that stuff off?

Hymie, the Chief
didn't mean that.

He meant just to be quiet while he's
on the horn phone to the White House.

- I'm sorry, Max.
- Shh!

Shh.

Yes, sir.

The new number-two man
is who?

Are you sure?

Oh, sorry, sir.

Goodbye.

Who is it, Chief?

Hymie.

He had a perfect score
on the achievement test.

Hymie?
Why, that's wonderful.

Wait a minute, Chief.

Hymie can't be the number-two
man of CONTROL.

Why, if anybody ever
found out he was a robot

we'd be the laughingstock
of the world of espionage.

Wait a minute, Chief.

On second thought, a robot
might be an improvement.

You might be right, Max.

As a robot he would be
completely immune

to Octavia's evil charms.

We might be able
to trap her at last.

Congratulations, Hymie.

Wait a minute.
What about the doctor?

Hymie has to have
a physical examination

before he can
accept the office.

Well, Chief, I'm sure
that the CONTROL doctor

would be willing to go along
with us on a thing like this.

No, Washington wanted an impartial
doctor to make the examination,

someone not connected
with the government in any way.

Oh, I have his name here
on a piece of paper.

Dr. Louis Pasteur.

That name sounds
oddly familiar, Chief.

Come on, Hymie,
let's go see that doctor.

And don't worry, Chief,
I'll get Hymie through that physical.

- How, Max?
- It's really quite simple, Chief.

You see, I've got imagination,
ingenuity and intelligence.

And a headache
you wouldn't believe.

I am extremely tired,
gentlemen.

I kept this office open
three hours later than usual

waiting for you.

I hope you appreciate that.

We certainly do, Doctor.
We certainly do.

Right. Well, then let's get on
with it, shall we?

- Where are my glasses?
- Glasses?

Oh, come on, Doctor,
don't tell me you wear glasses.

Why, you shouldn't
wear glasses.

You've got such
beautiful eyes.

They're so big
and blue too.

Now look here, Doctor.
How many fingers do I have up?

- Huh?
- Congratulations. You passed.

Now could we get on
with the examination?

Yes, all right.

( clears throat)
Now, uh, what is your name?

- Hymie.
- Hymie what?

That's his code name, Doctor.

Oh. Do you drink?

Only a little oil
now and then.

( laughing )
"A little oil now and then."

"A little oil
now and then."

That's very funny, Hymie,
but this is no time for jokes.

The doctor is very tired and wants
to go home and get a good night's sleep.

- I'm sorry, Max.
- Do you smoke?

Only when I drink
cheap oil.

( mutters )

I'm sure we have all this information
down at CONTROL headquarters.

Why don't we get on with
the physical examination, huh?

An excellent idea.
Excellent.

Would you mind
stepping on the scale?

982 lbs.

Did I say 982 lbs?

No, you said
182 lbs, Doctor.

- 182.
- Oh.

- What's next, Doctor?
- Next, uh, next.

Well, let's check
his heart.

Jump up on the table,
please.

Just send the bill
to CONTROL.

We'll take care of it
down there, Doctor.

Hymie, come over here.
The doctor wants to check your ears.

Pasteur: Let's take
a look here.

I'm going to prescribe

a couple of aspirins

and a good night's rest.

Why? Is there anything
wrong him, Doctor?

Oh, no, there's
nothing serious,

just a lot of gears
and levers in his head.

Well, doctor, if you'll just sign
this release here,

we'll be on our way.

All right.

By the way, doctor,
here are your glasses.

Oh oh, thank you.

Thank you very much,
doctor.

Come on, Hymie, let's get your clothes
and get out of here.

Gears and levers
in his head.

I've gotta cut down
on those health foods.

If these designs meet
with your approval, Octavia,

we'll put the finishing
touches on them

and they'll be in your wardrobe
within 24 hours.

The evening gown
and the peignoir are fine.

Have that walking suit made out of
herringbone tweed rather than check.

Certainly, Octavia.

- ( intercom buzzes )
- Yes?

- Man: Number One here.
- What is it?

Octavia, I do wish you would say
"sir" when you speak to me.

It sets a bad example
for the others.

I say "sir" to no man.
What do you want?

CONTROL has selected
a new number-two man.

We don't want
this one destroyed.

Bring him back here
with you. Is that clear?

Have you ever had
to tell me more than once?

No, but--

- Man: Aircraft.
- Have my plane ready in 20 minutes.

Yes, Octavia.
Where will you be going?

To Washington.

Another CONTROL agent
is about to meet his doom.

Hi, Chief.
Where's Hymie?

Oh, Hymie's in the lab
being reprogrammed

for an executive-type
attitude and personality--

hard, cold, efficient.

Octavia won't
have a chance.

Oh, hi, Hymie.
Gee, you look nice.

Somehow it's hard for me
to picture you as an executive.

You just don't seem the type.

I believe I am adequately reprogrammed
to cope with this assignment.

Oh, good. You'll be operating
out of your apartment, Max.

Right, Chief.
Come on, Hymie, let's go.

Don't touch my body.

- Familiarity breeds contempt.
- Don't touch your body?

But I've put my hand
on your shoulder lots of times.

You never said anything
about contempt.

If we are to continue
working together, Maxwell,

it must be strictly impersonal
and businesslike.

But, Hymie,
we've always been friends.

I wasn't an executive then.

Now things are going
to be different.

- 86.
- Huh?

You haven't much
stamina, do you, 86?

What are you talking
about, Hymie?

I was just
resting my eyes.

You were sleeping
on the job.

I wish I were
sleeping on my bed.

What are you doing?

Giving you a demerit.

- A demerit?
- 10 demerits

and you're dishonorably
discharged,

page 127, paragraph four,
"CONTROL Constitution and Bylaws."

Well, that breaks it.

I'm going to bed.

I believe as number-two man
in CONTROL

I am entitled to the choice
sleeping accommodations.

Hymie, I'm going to bed

in my own bed.

We'll see about that.

Hello, Chief.

Time to get up.

What time is it?

- 5:00.
- 5:00.

5:00!

Now look, Hymie, I know you're
trying to do a good job,

but this is ridiculous!

We'll be to the office
before the cleaning woman.

Why so early?

To study Octavia's pattern
during the past few years

to determine how and when
she'll attack next.

Look, Hymie, I don't know
about you,

but I can't operate
without sleep.

I'm not a machine,
you know.

Sorry about that, Hymie.

Sticks and stones
may break my bones...

Will you stop that?
I said I was sorry.

Hitting an executive--

Come on, Hymie,
let's go.

Hymie, come over here.

You've got me down
for nine demerits.

I don't suppose you'd
consider starting from scratch?

- No.
- Okay for you. Let's go.

That's it, Max,
you're out.

Come on.

Oh, Hymie, snap off
that light, will you?

- ( knocking at door )
- Come in.

May I straighten up
your office now, Mr. Hymie?

Yes, please.

I'll try not
to disturb you.

That's all right.

Hymie?

Oh, hello, Octavia.
I've been expecting you.

You have walked into our trap
and reached the end of your evil road.

You are powerless
against me.

I always knew that
one day I'd be caught.

I'm glad you were
the one, Hymie.

Flattery will
get you nowhere.

Now that you've put an end
to my evil life of crime,

may I express
my appreciation?

If you like.

( static crackling )

Look, Chief.

Max, what's been
going on in here?

These look like the clothes
the cleaning woman was wearing.

Max, look at this.

So that's how Octavia did it.

Why, she's been right under
our noses all the time, Chief,

- disguised as a cleaning woman.
- This is terrible.

I know. Good cleaning women
are hard to get.

- What's this, Chief?
- Looks like a lady's compact.

Octavia must have
left it behind.

I don't believe it.
I just don't believe it.

- What are you talking about?
- It's almost impossible.

Chief, if I'm right,

Hymie could be
in very grave danger.

Here. We'd better
take these.

Right.

Have it ready for take off
in 30 minutes.

There will be two of us.
I'm signing off now.

( clicking )

( whirring )

( ticking )

- Hi.
- Hi.

May I try that?

( whirring )

I guess we're not
wired the same.

Wouldn't it be boring
if we were?

May I?

Now as soon as you
put all those papers

in your briefcase, Hymie,
we can go.

I've never met
anyone like you, Octavia.

I've never met anyone
like you, Hymie.

- You're different somehow--
- Thank you.

--the cute little way
you click your eyes,

the way you make my gyros
race whenever you kiss me,

the way my oil boils
when you're near.

( door opens )

Hymie, what are you doing
with those papers?

Hello, Maxwell, I was just going
to give them to Octavia.

Listen, Hymie, I'm your friend
so I'm gonna give it to you straight.

Octavia doesn't care
a thing about you.

She's just using you to get
information from CONTROL.

She'll throw you on the scrap heap
the first chance she gets.

Hymie doesn't believe that.

It's all over, Octavia.

You've victimized your last
number-two man of CONTROL.

We're leaving.
Come, Hymie.

Hymie, stay right
where you are!

Come here, Hymie.

Isn't she wonderful, Max?
So strong yet so feminine.

- Coming, dear.
- Over my dead body.

That can be arranged.

Quick, Chief,
the force-field unit!

( clicks )

( air humming )

- Okay, Chief?
- Yes, I'm all right.

- Are you all right, Hymie?
- Yes, Maxwell.

What a magnificent piece
of construction.

What a pity she doesn't work
on the side of law and goodness.

Thank heaven you knew that compact
was a miniature robot tool kit, Max.

Yes, well, you see, Chief,
Hymie carries

the same sort of tool kit
in his wallet.

Be careful, Chief, don't step
into that force field.

No, I won't, Max.

Much as I hate to do it, I'm afraid
she's going to have to be disassembled.

Mmm, poor Hymie.

She would have made
a good friend for him.

Stay here with me, Octavia.

- We can have you reprogrammed.
- I wish I could, Hymie.

You're the only one I've ever met
that had anything inside.

Then stay.

There's too much
against us.

For one thing, our grounds
are different.

I'm plus and you're minus.
So what?

As long as we have
each other.

Can't you see?

People would point
at us and say,

"Disgusting-- he's positive
and she's negative."

They'd never
leave us alone.

Then we'll move away,
live by ourselves.

For how long?

Sooner or later, you'd need
a new tube, I'd need a condenser.

Then we'll move again.

That would be all right
for the next 200-300 years, Hymie,

but I want something
permanent.

See, it just won't work.

You can't return to KAOS.

I know. It would be impossible
after knowing you.

Then what are you
going to do?

I have that
all figured out.

I'm going to
miss you, Octavia.

And I you, Hymie.

- Before you go may I--?
- Of course you may.

( static crackles )

Goodbye, Hymie.

Here, Hymie, drink this.

- Thanks, Max, I needed that.
- Me too.

( gasps, coughs )

Grief, what was that?

Hymie's special blend--
kerosene and oil.

It's no use, Chief.
Hymie won't come out of the lab.

He's taken this Octavia affair
pretty hard.

- How long has he been in there, Max?
- A week,

ever since he resigned his position
as second-in-command of CONTROL.

Well, you should be
able to talk to him.

You're his best friend.

Well, I'll try, Chief.

- Are you all right, Hymie?
- We were worried about you.

- I'm all right.
- Well, you look awful.

And you're squeaking.

Have you been taking
your oil lately?

I have failed. I have tried
and tried, but I have failed.

What are you talking about,
Hymie?

How have you failed?

I was so lonely for Octavia,
I thought I could find a substitute,

but the best
I could do was this.

Hymie, you mean to say
you rebuilt her all by yourself?

Yes, sir.

I wonder if
in your spare time you'd--

never mind.

Why, Hymie, she's just
as beautiful as ever.

Why, she's perfect.

No, she's not.

Say hello to Max
and the Chief.

Max's voice: Hello, Max.
Hello, Chief.

Hymie told me
all about you.

So what's wrong with that?

( theme music playing )