All language subtitles for LOL.Last.One.Laughing.Quebec.S01E02.1080p.WEB.h264-KOGi.eng

[♪ opening theme music plays]

[performers singing indistinctly]

[Virginie] I can't do those moves,
it'll look too provocative.

[voice] Show me.

[voice 2]
No. It's not too much.

Uh...

[alarm blares]

[Rich] Uh-oh.

[all]
Ohh...!

[Virginie]
I didn't laugh.

[Marie-Lyne] Let's take our seats,
let's take our seats.

- Shall we go see who laughed?
- Oh, yes, let's see it.

It must be someone
fucking stupid who laughed.

Let's go see.

[Virginie] I bet you
it's someone really dumb.

You're barely smiling!

But twerking is so much fun.
It's impossible not to smile.

You're not even allowed to do this,
or else you're eliminated.

So, I'm angry with myself, but since
it happened so quickly in the game,

I think it kind of helped me
because it meant:

'Okay, keep your act together.'

- I think I'll take this.
- You'll be wearing that for six hours.

Yeah, think about it.

I can't believe I made
myself laugh by twerking.

- I'm watching you.
- Thank you, Pat!

[Rachid]
Do you want a pancake, Pat?

Let me think about it,
and I'll get back to you.

[Rachid]
All right!

It's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing!

Virginie, like Mathieu and Yves,
received a yellow card.

And, just like them,
she made herself laugh.

Great job, Virginie!

Let's strike again right away.

[♪ bugle call plays]

[Edith]
Oh, game on, guys.

[Yves]
Robot, robot, robot.

Can you help me take this off?

[Laurent] You actually look
like Mimie Mathy

sitting on someone's shoulders.

[Virginie] I didn't think
I would end up in panties

and wearing a hat
so early on in the game.

Guys! Guys!

[Christine imitates trumpet fanfare]

- [Édith] Geez.
- Fuck!

You're going to hurt yourself.

[Édith]
It's like giving birth. It's a boy!

[Arnaud] Guys! Speaking
of giving birth, come and see!

The pear is about to give birth.

Come and see!
Come and see!

Arnaud is so stupid,
you never know what he's going to do.

[Mathieu]
Hold on! It must be so cold.

[Arnaud]
Push, push, push, push!

- It looks like the mother's vagina.
- [Arnaud imitates crying baby]

Personally, I was afraid
to forget about the game.

And once you become a spectator,
you react like a spectator.

You laugh. You smile.
You think to yourself: 'That's so stupid.'

[Virginie]
A baby grape!

Wow.

[Édith]
It had plastic googly eyes on it.

[Laurent] You're going
to spit out the eyes, right?

[Édith]
Your poop will have eyes.

[Mathieu]
Her poop is over there.

[Édith]
You're right, it's there.

[Rachid] She spit the eyes out,
and she ate the baby.

[Marie-Lyne]
♪ I almost yielded again ♪

Actually, all I have to do
is stay away from Christine.

- "Honey, I ate the baby."
- Do you want me to help you?

For me, it's Christine,
but it's also Édith's comment:

'But it had plastic googly eyes on it.'

[Rachid] Yeah. She ate the eyes,
the fool. They're here.

[Marie-Lyne]
She did, she did like this.

- [Marie-Lyne spits]
- [Mathieu] Yeah.

Christine, this is what's
waiting for you in two hours.

[Christine] My number was
to avouch for abortion in the USA.

- [Édith] My goodness.
- [Arnaud] What's going on?

[Arnaud, in English]
Hey, Richie! Ooh, man!

Hey, where the hell is Rich?
Where do you think?

He's probably putting on another outfit.

[Yves]
Yeah, probably.

That fucker is lucky.
Everything suits him.

[Laurent] I'd love to find
something in the locker room,

but I know nothing will fit me.

Why don't you get a wig?
You have the perfect head for a wig.

Even wigs won't fit me.
I have a big head.

I'll go try on a wig.

Right? What have I got to lose
by trying on a wig?

I feel like we're in a show where
we can bitch at each other. You know?

Let me tell you...

I don't like Édith Cochrane's
attitude from the beginning.

She talks behind your back, did you know?
She talks behind your back.

- [Christine] Yeah, I know.
- [Laurent] She said you were a bitch.

- [Christine] Again?
- [Laurent] She said you were a bitch.

And then she French-kissed Yves.

[Christine]
Really?

[Laurent] 'Cause she knows
you have a crush on Yves.

[Christine]
Yeah.

Well, I have to applaud her for
French-kissing Yves, that's something.

[Patrick]
Ohh...!

[Laurent] I'll go with what I've found.
What can I tell you?

Look? It's not even funny!

I put a wig on,
and all it does is look nice.

You're right.

You look at me and you go:
'Fuck, Paquin is so damn hot!'

[overlapping chatter]

Maybe if you put it behind your ears...
it might be funnier.

No! That's the point.

I'm disadvantaged in this game.

Have we ever told you
that you were fucking pretty?

[Laurent] Everything I put on
looks good on me.

- You're not funny. You're hot.
- You're plain pretty.

♪ Laurent ♪

♪ Misses his hair ♪

♪ Misses his hair ♪

♪ I miss... ♪

♪ Laurent's hair... ♪

[Laurent]
♪ My hair! ♪

- Which foundation are you playing for?
- I'm playing for...

- You don't remember?
- No.

- You really seem to know your subject.
- Yeah.

What's yours?

I'm playing for the Incontinent Nudists.

Incontinent. Nudists.

Yeah. They're in deep fucking shit.

They're raising funds. They want
to organize a rock climbing outing.

- What kind of outing?
- Rock climbing.

Try to visualize that for a second.

So, yeah. See you later.

Hold on. Tell me more.

No.

Oh! I look like Francine Ruel
in the show Scoop!

That's it!

Now that's an association
that everyone finds funny.

Her character was Leone.

Hey, if ever...

If ever you wanna call.

You know, we weren't allowed
to bring in our mobiles.

(in English)
What?

But if ever you wanna call
your daughter or text her...

I smuggled in... I hid it up my ass...

I smuggled in a telephone.

- [in English] Okay, thanks.
- So, if ever you feel like using it.

[indistinct remark]

But hide it. Hide it, or else
they'll come and get it.

If you don't have pockets,
you can shove it back in my ass.

I'm going to make a call.
Can you cover me?

Sure, no problem.

- Hi, honey.
- Yes.

Yeah. It's going well.

No. It's not really funny.

Hey, hon. I washed
a load of white clothes...

[Christine breaks wind]

Was that a real fart, Christine?

[alarm blares]

We can laugh now. It's red.

The alarm went off. We can laugh.

That was a real fart, you fucker!

[spirited laughter]

She farted in my mouth!

Hey, I couldn't wait to hear
Christine laugh loudly.

[noisemaker pops]

Christine is laughing loudly,
and no one laughed because of it?

I was glued to her ass,

and she farted in my face.

And you didn't laugh?

- [Arnaud] I didn't laugh.
- [Laurent] No.

[Virginie] I'm going to pee.
I'm going to pee in my undies.

You're going to pee on Patrick Huard.

I'm sorry.
I told myself I shouldn't go there.

It's 'cause...

It was obvious. It was obvious
I wasn't going to survive that.

What was I thinking?

I farted in his face.

[laughter]

[in English]
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

[overlapping chatter]

[laughter]

Wow!

Can't wait to see who laughed.

[overlapping exclamations]

I'll never get over this.

Ohh!

Oh, no! Who laughed?

Let me tell you,
I don't even know myself.

It was such an immature move.

All I can tell you guys,

Christine, honestly...

you brought the fart joke
in this competition

to an unreachable level.

[Arnaud]
I washed a load of white clothes...

[breaks wind]

[laughter]

You see me forcing!

When we saw Christine's
whole decision-making process,

who's like:
'Oh, I think I have a fart coming.

I could fart in his face.

I farted in his face!'

Oscar! She deserves
a performance award.

I was waiting for the fart,
but I thought she had staged it,

that she had a whoopee cushion.

But then I smelled it,
and I felt her ass vibrate in my face.

In fact, I think you were
too proud of your achievement.

But I don't think you expected it
to be so loud, uh?

[Virginie]
The fart noise was incredible.

It was like...
[blows raspberry]

It was the perfect fart.

'Cause it wasn't a big disgusting fart,
nor was it a tiny little fart.

It was the perfect fart.

[blows raspberry]

Okay, so you can fart on demand?

No. I forced it out.

Let's keep on raising the bar.

That yellow card was really worth it.

[Patrick] Christine received
the 4th yellow card of the game.

She could've easily brought some players
with her, but they were able to resist.

We are now looking at a foursome
of laughing buddies.

Guys!

Yes, Pat!

There are precisely
five hours left in the game.

Ohh!

Don't give up.

[♪ bugle fanfare plays]

[steady beeping]

[Édith]
Tell me about your childhood.

I was small, fat and hyperactive.

I looked like a Kin-Ball.

Did you have any friends?

I had tons of friends.

If I hadn't been so funny,
I wouldn't have survived.

So I would hang
with the cool kids at school.

Although I had boobs,
I would still hang around the cool kids.

My tits are always hard. No joke.

I suffer from HTS:
Hard Titty Syndrome.

So, my tits are always hard.
I'm not joking.

I'm being serious.
I didn't put a fake thumbnail or anything.

Ahh! Imagine, they screech.

If I were to subtly fuck a dwarf...

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Arnaud Soly
makes tasteless jokes ♪

Oh shit, hon'!

- Can you help me?
- Hon'.

[♪ singing continues]

You pull... Okay. I have it.

Fuck!

[Christine]
The part where Rachid...

is trying to pull my dress in the back,

and both are pulling,
and all I hear is 'creak'.

I would have loved
for my dress to tear more than that,

but when it cracked,
I almost lost my cool.

- Are you breathing now?
- No.

Okay. Let's see.

Oh, no. This won't work, Christine.

Yes, it's going to fit.
The set dresser told me it would fit.

Okay. I get that the set dresser
told you that,

but the fabric is saying otherwise.

Hold on. I'll straighten up.

She told you this three years ago,
or she told you that recently?

No, no. She told me recently.

[Marie-Lyne exhales forcefully]

[Patrick]
She's screwed.

- How was your childhood?
- Abitibi.

- What part?
- LaSarre.

[Mathieu]
That's far away.

- Yup!
- [Édith] Quite far.

Ahh.

[clicks tongue]

[alarm blares]

[Rich]
Uh-oh!

[Rich, in English]
We're in trouble!

[Christine]
No, no, no!

The strategy of keeping busy physically
is not always a good idea.

[Rich]
Here comes Patrick.

[Patrick]
Ay-yi-yi.

- [Rachid] What happened?
- [Marie-Lyne] Who is it?

[Rachid]
I saw nothing at all. Nothing.

[Marie-Lyne]
Fuck, I feel like laughing.

Sometimes, you use strategies that...

...backfire.

That don't always work.

- [Mathieu] How was your childhood?
- Abitibi.

- What part?
- LaSarre.

- That's far away.
- Quite far.

[Virginie] But what
made you laugh? What?

Nothing made me laugh.

'Cause, I went like this.
For no reason at all.

- But that's the thing!
- But your eyes betrayed you.

Yes. And then I went...

You use this strategy: 'I'll keep busy
physically so I won't laugh.'

[Édith sighs]

I'm so disappointed with myself.

It wasn't even funny.
I was playing badminton.

Is there anything
less amusing than badminton?

How embarrassing.
It's disappointing. So disappointing.

It wasn't me. I wasn't making a joke.
I went, 'Oops.'

It was like a physical reaction.

I could have gone like this.
I did this instead.

Wrong face choice.

One, two, three, four
and now five yellow cards.

Like Mathieu, Virginie,
Christine, and Yves,

Édith can no longer have fun.

One smile and they're out.

I'm starting to feel like
someone will join me soon!

[♪ bugle fanfare plays]

[overlapping chatter]

[Christine]
Oh, no, no, no!

There they go, spreading out.

That's their first reaction every time
I press the green button.

[sharp whistle]

We're joking around,
but I still lost my pants.

So, if ever you see them.

When did you take this picture?
'Cause maybe they've changed since.

[Virginie]
No, no, that's...

[Laurent]
They look young in this picture.

That's my real telephone number.

[quiet chuckle]

[Rachid] How can we call you
if we have no phone?

There's a phone right there.

'Cause I think I saw something.

You think you saw my pants?
Did they look okay?

Hey, but the picture's in black and white.
What colour are they?

They're blue jeans.

I saw them earlier. There was
a message in their front pocket.

It said: 'We are no longer children.
Let's us be.'

What do you mean?

I think it's over.
I think they just decided to leave you.

My pants wrote a message themselves,
and they put it in their own pocket.

- Yes. They wrote it with lipstick.
- Pants have no hands.

Excuse me?

- My pants can't write.
- Of course.

Pants always leave us one day or another.

[Rachid] They have to live
their lives at some point.

[Laurent]
You need to accept that.

After three washes, it's over.

- They want to live.
- Three washes?

We don't wash jeans very often.

Three washes
over the course of five years.

I mean... I washed them, uh...

Do we actually have to wash jeans?

You see?
Even he doesn't wash them.

Maybe I washed them too often,
and that's why they left.

Don't wonder why, then!

You're asking too much of them.

Stop, fuck!

Don't ask yourself
why they want to leave.

[Rachid]
They won't come back.

[Virginie] It bothers me
that no one is taking this seriously.

[Arnaud]
Okay. We'll look for your jeans!

Everyone, let's scour the place.

- What's does 'scour' mean?
- It means we ransack the room.

We choose someone,
and we kick their ass.

Mnh-mnh, Christine.

You lost your jeans.

Get over it!

[Marie-Lyne]
Mmm.

Christine lost her dignity.

She didn't even have dignity
when she came in here.

[Patrick laughs]

I saw you before, Rich.

Ah! I'm wandering around,
you know? I'm working!

Did she talk to you about the foundation
she's playing for? It's really awesome.

No, I don't know.

I'm playing for
the Incontinent Nudists Foundation.

Incredible!

I'm awfully scared
that backfires on Édith!

Okay. And,
what's their purpose exactly?

Well, they do sports...
and, uh... they're in deep shit.

The prize money will serve for what?

For a rock climbing activity.

So, yeah, they're raising funds
to climb walls, and they're in danger.

I got the bad idea to joke around
with my foundation, which I found funny.

He noticed that it made me laugh,
so he would go around and say:

'Come and tell them
about your foundation.'

So, every time, I had to tell them.
Rachid almost made me laugh several times.

Sorry, guys. Uh, I'm only warning you.

We're having a technical problem
with one of the cameras.

We'll have to fix it,
but we're not stopping the game.

The game continues, but we'll
fix it while you guys are playing.

Can you tell us which one?

I'm preparing for the worst.
For sure this is a stunt.

This doesn't change anything, guys.
The game continues anyway.

We'll only have to fix the problem.
We're looking at it...

It's a stunt.

We hear: 'There's a broken camera,
but the game continues.'

Then I'm like: 'Oh, no, no, no.'

Yeah, control centre?
I'm here to repair the camera.

[Marie-Lyne exclaims]

Do you recognize him?

Control?
I'm at the broken camera.

I'm here to repair the camera.

[Marie-Lyne]
Dom Paquet.

At that moment, I said to myself:
'Game on. Game on.'

[quiet chuckle]

Control centre?
I think I found the broken camera.

It's funny 'cause I told myself

that I wouldn't have
wanted him to be in the game.

Oops. Sir, the camera
seems to have fallen.

[Dom Paquet]
Yeah, we're trying to fix the camera.

[Marie-Lyne]
Okay!

That's a good idea.

Yeah, control centre?
I'm going to retrieve the cable now.

The cable is longer than I expected.

I would say, careful boys.
You're close.

Fucking shit.

Be careful, Christine.

Just be careful on the other side.

Control? The cable
is much longer than I thought.

Okay, I think I have something.
I think I have something.

I'm going to pull hard.

[Laurent]
Shit!

OMG! It's Réal!

When Réal Béland's face popped
out of the drywall... I was like...

[comical groan]

- Hey, champ!
- I've been here for a week.

You've been there for a week?

- It's dark in here.
- Come on this side.

How do I get there?

Come this way. I need
your help to repair the camera.

Follow the sound.

[knocking on panel]

Here are some videotapes.

Help him. Clear a path for him.
Clear a path.

Is this Au delà du Réal videotapes?

Here. Videotapes
of Rock et Belles Oreilles.

Follow my hand.
Follow my hand. I'm here.

Are you there? Where am I?

Frank. Frank, are you there?

- It's so hard.
- Follow my hand.

[quiet exclamation]

I found you.

[applause]

[Marie-Lyne]
Oh, wow! A comic duo.

It's a slapstick duo.

Oh, watching you coming down
those stairs was not funny at all.

Oh, yeah,
that made a pretty big hole, uh?

Her fish face is not subtle at all.

We're going to have
to repair the hole first.

Careful.

[Christine]
Whoa!

I don't know how
we'll measure that, though.

Do you have anything to measure?

[Dom answers]

[Rachid]
Réal Béland and Dominic Paquet.

Being around only one of them is enough
to make you laugh uncontrollably.

You put both in the same room,
one of whom pops out of the wall...

No, no, no.

As soon as you sit down
and become a spectator, you're done.

It's only a matter of time.

- You made the hole with your face?
- Yeah.

Let's measure your face.

Okay. I get what you're saying.

That's it. Put your face right here.

You good?
You okay, Christine?

- You good?
- Yeah.

- You okay, Christine?
- Yes. Arnaud, leave me the fuck alone.

Are you hurt? Are you okay?
Can I help you?

What's going on?

OMG, that's quite dangerous.

Be careful, uh?

Look. He has an X-Acto knife in his face.
Fucking bozo.

[in English]
Okay, good!

An X-Acto knife in his face!

Hey? Good.

- [in English] All right!
- Here we are, right?

That's it.
Now put it in the right direction.

How are we going to stick it?

- Do you have gaffer tape?
- Gaffer tape.

[Réal Béland]
Here.

Take this, Handy.

- Handy.
- But they're not good with their hands.

That's the joke.

Cross it.

They're like two Handys.

The Handy Twins.

It looks horrible, though.

Maybe we can hide it.

Should we take the frame up there?

[Dom and Réal confer together]

It's dangerous, guys.

I can't reach. I can't reach.

- What do you need?
- You want me to go?

There's the ladder.

We would need a ladder.

There's a ladder.

[Dom chuckling]

[Édith] Are you sure
you're certified, guys?

We had a ladder...
[laughing]

... and here we were climbing the chair
when we had the ladder.

Oh, I find that funny.
This is a funny moment.

[Dom and Réal laughing]

That's what we call slapstick.

No, I still can't reach.

Hey, be careful guys.

Shit, they broke the chair.

The chair was fine there.

You're right.
The chair works here.

We did a good job. Take care.
A job well done.

Thank you. Nice job!

[Arnaud, in English]
Good job! Hey!

Thanks, guys!

[Arnaud]
Yes!

[applause]

Wait a sec...
did we fix the camera?

Shit. No, we didn't.

[quiet chuckling]

[steady beeping]

There's something different
about you, Virginie?

Yeah. I found these that looked
the most like my pants.

Did you find those granny panties
in the locker room?

No. I found them in your locker.

Pat.

- Hi, Christine.
- Hi, Pat. Listen...

Be careful.
Don't go kill yourself before me.

What should I do?

What would you do, Pat?

Go perform your number.

Okay.

Oh, I'm vulnerable.
Vulnerable, vulnerable, vulnerable.

- Virginie?
- What?

- Your pants are...
- Are you kidding me?

Wait. How do they look?

Shit. They're blue.
They're blue jeans, like this.

Nah, forget it. They're not here.

I feel like I would need a little boost.

I would snort powder,
but that wouldn't be appropriate.

There's some on the floor.

[Patrick laughs]

I didn't expect that one, Édith.

- Are you okay, Christine?
- I'm too vulnerable, Pat.

I know you want me to do my number,

but I guarantee you
that if I go out there...

I'm sure you can do it.
Anyway, I think...

Laurent, why don't you do your number
instead? Take Christine's place.

Laurent, you would be a life-saver.

Why would I do that for Christine?

Because we get the same casting roles.

That's exactly it, we don't like
each other for that same reason.

We're always called
to play the same roles.

Because Christine
is vulnerable right now.

This is your chance
to send her to me first.

I hadn't thought of it that way.

You can't say I'm not a good player,
Christine.

It's a trap, Christine.

[♪ comical rendition of 'Taps' plays]

[bells ring]

[Arnaud cries out excitedly]

Oh, I hope he'll perform
the song on lesbians.

♪ Lesbians, lesbians ♪

♪ Lesbians, lesbians ♪

♪ I may not be the cutest
or the smartest ♪

♪ I may not be a hero
or have any talent at all ♪

♪ Yes, but...
I have a big cock ♪

Whoo!

♪ I have no knowledge of human nature ♪

♪ I have no expertise in any job ♪

♪ Yes, but...
I have a big cock ♪

[Marie-Lyne]
Watch him have a big cock.

♪ A big cock ♪

♪ Yes, a really big cock ♪

♪ A big cock... ♪

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

♪ A fucking big cock ♪

Who are the girls?
Do we know them?

[♪ music plays]

[Patrick laughing]

[Virginie]
Ooh, la la la, la la la.

[Christine]
Oh, no, oh, no!

[Marie-Lyne]
Eh, la la la!

♪ You're not intriguing, or even pretty,
you're not attractive... ♪

Is that us? It's all of us!

♪ Yes, but...
you have a big cock ♪

Which one represents you, Virginie?

♪ You have no motivation,
no vision or even ambition ♪

[Virginie] The one that has
a hole for the mouth.

Is that Marie-Lyne?

He might kill off three of them!

[♪ song continues]

This is outrageous.

♪ A big cock ♪

This is my biggest challenge as of yet.
I'm living through it right now.

♪ A fucking big cock ♪

Wow...!

♪ A big cock ♪

♪ Yes, a really big cock ♪

♪ A big cock... ♪

[quiet remark]

♪ Yes, a really big cock ♪

♪ A fucking big cock ♪

[Rachid]
Ohh!

[Christine]
Laurent...

it's good. It's so good.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

[Christine cries out]

It's enough. It's enough.

♪ A fucking big cock ♪

[applause]

[Édith whistles]

Wow.

Nothing compares to this number.

This was by far the best number today.

Laurent.
You feeling okay, Laurent?

- Oh, no!
- All his blood went to his dick.

[Arnaud]
He has too much blood in his cock!

Hurry! We have to perform
the mouth-to-cock resuscitation.

Seriously, are you okay?

Imagine if he would die.

It's happened before.
People have died on stage.

Yeah.

I'm waiting for
the curtains to fall, fuck!

Yeah, well you're lying on them!
They can't fall.

It's like waiting for the bus
while lying in front of it.

Aah!

[applause]

When the inflatable doll
came slamming ass-first into Joncas,

I almost lost it.

- Me too, me too.
- And I am very happy for not losing it.

I had to draw supernatural strength
from deep inside of me

to not explode in laughter.

And only for that reason alone,
I should win an award.

Give me a TV.

Do something. I deserve a prize
because I didn't laugh.

Marie-Lyne, so you think this

was your hardest challenge
in the whole game as of yet?

I definitely did not expect
the four inflatable dolls.

I thought he was going
to come out with a big cock.

But finally,
it was girls dancing with him.

I almost laughed really hard.

And I was especially afraid that he
was having a heart attack at the end.

Laurent Paquin and his inflatable dolls...

It took everything for me not to laugh.

That was the moment I moaned the most.

You know? Making this sound.

[long moan]

It's a good trick.

And Christine,
the hardest moment for you

was seeing the big fat doll
slamming into Joncas' ass, is that it?

No, actually, it's when
the big doll's ass slammed into Joncas.

That's what she said.

- So, if I understood correctly...
- Moving backwards.

Hold on... I think Rachid
wants to say something.

Good job, Laurent!

[alarm blares]

It's not us, that's for sure.

[Christine]
No!

[Christine] Okay. It's a yellow card.
That means it's not me.

Ah, it's a red card!

[all reacting]

No, no, no!

Two cards!

[all]
No! No!

- No!
- Oh, no. I don't want to leave.

Does that mean I'll miss someone?

No, no, no, no!

- I hope I didn't laugh.
- I did this.

You look sad, Patrick.

[Marie-Lyne]
Oh, no. I can't believe it.

I don't think you understood the concept.

You're not allowed to laugh, but you're
allowed to be funny, for Christ's sake.

[Arnaud]
I'm hurt.

Arnaud, who would you
sleep with if you had the choice?

Rich.

Imagine, having to leave
'cause you get hit by a dog's balls?

Now that's funny!
Good old slapdick.

[♪ closing theme music plays]