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You're traveling
through another dimension-

a dimension not only of sight
and sound, but of mind,

a journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries
are that of imagination.

Your next stop,
the twilight zone.

Hello, is anyone there?

Hello!

Is anyone there?

Well, how do you do?

I'm fitzgerald
fortune...

the theater critic.

So what?

Isn't rudeness something of a
handicap in your line of work?

What's that to you, hmm?

When i saw the name
"treasures unlimited,"

i stepped through that door
fully expecting

to encounter some
sentimental old biddy

in an ostrich-plumed hat and
a moth-eaten feather boa.

Instead, to my sincere delight,

i seem to have discovered
a misanthrope.

What's that?

A man who
despises people.

I got work to do, mister.

What are you looking for?

I am looking for a present
for my wife's birthday.

Wrong place, wrong place,
junk shop.

Exactly.

You see, my wife has
the absurd notion

that she would like to learn
to play the piano.

Unfortunately,
she hasn't a trace of talent.

So, do you happen to have
one of those old pianos

that plays itself?

Got one. Don't know
if it works or not.

But it's old.

Splendid.

Would you mind showing it
to me, please?

You're taking a lot
of my time, mister.

You're taking an
equal amount of mine.

What birthday does
this make for your wife?

The 26th.

So young.

You must be a man
of great personal magnetism

to attract
a wife so young.

I am.

Utterly romantic-

youth and wisdom, hand in hand.

How i'd
love to see

the two of
you together.

What... what a picture
you must make.

And for her birthday, you're
giving her the gift of music.

Oh, how touching.

What is the price
of the piano?

Youaretaking your young bride
out somewhere tonight, hmm?

Some quiet nook

where you can be lost together
in the midst of the great world,

looking into each other's eyes.

How much for the piano?

It's worth $250,

but since it's for
a birthday present

i'll let you have it for $200.

I shall
expect delivery

before 6:00
this evening.

The address is right here
on my check.

Certainly... i shouldn't like

to have the little lady
disappointed on her birthday.

Has it
occurred to you

that you're extraordinarily
susceptible

to the power of music?

Isn't everybody?

Well... to some degree, yes.

You going to stand around
all day taking

my good time?

No, i was just going.

Oh, there's the door.

Tell me, are
you sentimental

about anything else
beside birthdays?

Birthdays? They're
a stupid waste

of time and money.

Extraordinary.

Mr. Fitzgerald fortune, theater
critic and cynic at large,

on his way to a birthday party.

If he knew what is in store for
him, he probably wouldn't go,

because before
this evening is over

that cranky old piano is going
to play "those piano-roll blues"

with some effects
that could happen only in

the twilight zone.

Good evening, sir.

You've dusted
the piano, i see.

Yes, sir.

It came an hour
ago, sir.

Oh, marvin...

yes, sir?

If you're going to wait
at the party tonight

do you think you could manage to
do something about your face?

My face, sir?

A party is supposed to be
a happy occasion.

Do you think
you could manage to be

a little less miserable
than usual?

I will do my best, sir.

Is that you, gerald?

Yes, esther.

Hello, darling.

Esther, i want you
to let marvin go.

What's he done?

No, it's not anything
that he's done.

It's just the way he looks.

I hate to come home every
evening and be confronted

by that lugubrious
expression of his-

unspeakably depressing.
Look at him!

Looks as if he's going to burst
into tears at any moment.

Surely at least we can have
a servant who's cheerful

to have around.

There's no need to hurt
his feelings, dear.

He has no feelings.

The man's a clod.

Well, you don't like the piano,
i take it.

Oh, i love the piano,
i really do.

Eh, have you played it?

I didn't know how it worked,

so i thought i'd wait
until you came home.

You see, i remembered

that you wanted to learn
to play the piano.

This piano
plays itself.

Yes, wasn't that
considerate of me?

See, i didn't want you

to take all those
tedious lessons

and then find out
at the end of it all

that you really had no
musical talent at all.

I see.

Well, darling?

No thanks for
my birthday present?

No emotion of any kind?

Thank you, gerald.

Well, now, let's hear
what this one sounds like.

It has a happy-enough
sounding title.

Thank you, marvin.

Marvin, what on earth
is the matter with you?

Are you feeling

all right, marvin?

I'm very well,
thank you, madame.

But you're smiling.

Am i?

You most
certainly are.

That's probably
because i'm happy, sir.

What are you
happy about?

Everything...

i make good money,
got a nice place to live,

my health, money in the bank,
i like my job!

But you couldn't
possibly.

I treat you
atrociously.

Oh, you don't bother me,
mr. Fortune, you tickle me.

Sometimes it's all i can do

to keep from
laughing out loud

when you have one
of your tantrums.

I get a great kick of it
when you go around

flicking the furniture
to see if i've dusted,

or checking the silver
to see if it's polished.

I'm sorry if i spoke
out of place, sir.

Oh, on the
contrary, marvin.

I'm very
glad you did.

You may go,
thank you.

What a strange
thing to happen.

Yes, wasn't it?

Who would
have thought

that beneath
that gloomy exterior

the man was concealing
a sunny nature?

Of course, i've always believed
that we have two faces-

one that we wear

and the other
that we keep hidden.

The problem has always
been to find some method

to make people reveal
their hidden faces.

Yes, i suppose it helps

if you know what
particular hidden face

you're looking for.

How do you like
this music, esther?

You... beast!

I've controlled
myself

for six years...

and i can't stand it any longer.

I was a stupid child
when i married you.

I thought you
were a great man.

But you aren't.
You're just a sadistic fiend.

You take pleasure
in humiliating me

in front of
your clever friends.

You enjoy
hurting me.

I've stood your cruelty
for six years,

and i can't stand it anymore.

Are you feeling well, my dear?

I feel better
than i've felt for years.

It's a great relief to tell you
what i really think about you.

I've kept it bottled up
for so long.

I thought
you needed me.

I thought you needed
my love, but you don't.

You just need someone
to bully

and to torture
when you feel like it.

I tried to love you-
heaven knows i did-

but i hate you.

I hate you!

Congratulations,
my dear.

A magnificent
performance.

If you'd been on stage, esther,

i should have given you
superlative reviews.

I don't know what possessed me.

Well, i do!

I seem to have
bought you

a more interesting
birthday present

than i'd thought.

I wonder what
other people are hiding.

Gerald, promise me
that you won't play

the piano again
at the party tonight.

I promise no such thing.

I wasn't looking forward
to this party very much.

But now i think
we're going to have

a most
amusing evening.

Good evening, marvin.

Good evening, sir.

Gerry?

Greg! Good to see you.

Scotch?

Of course.

You're unusually
cordial tonight.

That is yoursmileyou're
wearing, isn't it?

I took it out of cold storage
in honor of esther's birthday.

Well, not i. I don't
plan to smile all evening.

I'm glad to see you share
my distaste for birthdays.

Well, birthdays,
anniversaries

and certain holidays i
overlook whenever possible.

They seem to imply
a certain sticky
human involvement

which i'd much
rather avoid.

Oh, is that true?
I'd always gathered you were

something of a ladies' man,
rather thickly involved.

You've been
misinformed,
gerry, my boy.

I'm much too selfish
to fall in love.

And you're
miserable.

Not in the least.

I value the peace and quiet of
my orderly bachelor existence.

Lets me write my plays
without interference
from anyone.

Oh, yes, how
is the new play?

Brilliant.

By the way, where is
the birthday girl?

Oh, she's still
at her makeup table.

Her emotions
were showing,

and she's covering up
a little.

Tell me, what do you think
of this amusing little toy

i found for her?

I haven't seen one
of those old jobs in years.

Doesn't play, does it?

It does, indeed.

Plays remarkably well.

Let me show you.

I have a piece
especially for you.

Romantic,
wouldn't you say?

Is esther pleased with it?

Well, she hasn't shown
any great enthusiasm.

That doesn't sound like esther.

Usually she's so grateful for
any small show of affection.

I think that's
one of her most
lovable qualities-

the ability to accept
a bouquet of daisies

as though they were
the rarest of orchids.

I remember i once gave her
a small ring, a turquoise ring.

She accepted it as if
it were the hope diamond.

Oh, i remember when she brought
that ring back from mexico city.

But i seem to recall
that she went there alone.

Yes, yes, she did.

We ran into each
other down there.

She never mentioned it.

Wasn't that rather
an odd coincidence?

Gerry, has it ever
occurred to you

that i'm very deeply
in love with your wife?

My dear greg...
i always believed that you were

about as capable
of passion as a head of lettuce

and esther's emotional power
was that of a newborn kitten.

Now don't speak of her that way.

I'll speak of her
any way i please.

She's my wife.

You don't know esther at all.

Esther is full of love.

Her skin is warm
and soft like velvet.

The scent of her hair is
enough to drive a man wild.

And... her hands are gentle,
sweet to kiss and to hold.

Esther is music...

gerald, no!

...honey, esther is...

oh, i'm sorry you
did that, my dear.

I don't know when i've been
so highly entertained.

Esther, i'm sorry.

I can't explain
what happened.

It's probably just as well.

I never enjoyed
deceiving you, gerald.

My dear, you're incapable
of deceiving me.

I've known for years
of your capacity

for doing any number
of sordid little things.

The only revelation
that's been made to me

has been the specific details
of your squalid little affair.

Oh, our guests
are arriving.

Before i welcome them,

may i wish you
a happy birthday, my dear,

and hope that
the next 26 years

will be equally
rewarding.

Gerald, please don't use
the piano again tonight.

It's not something
that you fool with.

I'm not fooling
with it, my dear.

I'm using it with
deadly accuracy.

Hi, marvin!

Good evening,
miss moore.

Marge, my dear,
do come in.

Well, don't just stand there,
devouring me with your eyes.

Kiss me, you fool.

Marge, i'm really
vexed with you.

You promised me the
next time i saw you

you'd be as svelte
as an antelope.

I've been on more diets
than arcaro has horses.

But somehow, i always manage

to get thrown
before the finish line.

Happy birthday, esther.

Thank you, marge.

I'm not even speaking
to you, handsome.

Do you realize it's been
months since you've called me?

Somebody else been
taking my place?

As a matter of fact, yes.

We've just been having an
illuminating discussion about

greg's new romance.

Don't tell me her name,

or i just might
scratch her eyes out.

Or worse yet, i might just sit
on her and mash her to death.

Well, isn't somebody

going to offer
me a drink?

Oh, you'll have to talk
to marvin.

I believe another stagecoach
is arriving.

Darling, you
look ravishing.

How are you?
Mwa.

Hi.
Ross, good
to see you.

Hello, mary.
Happy birthday.

Oh, this looks marvelous.
Oh, this looks marvelous!

Why don't you have one?

Not with
my diet.

Diet? What's that?

All right, everyone,

now, may i have
your attention, please?

Now, um, would
you just find seats.

Anywhere, uh, on the floor
will be fine.

Not me, i'd never
be able to get up.

The time has come
for fun and games.

Now, being mostly
friends of esther's

you're probably inclined
to such intellectual pursuits

as, uh, spin the bottle
or pin the tail

on the donkey.
However, tonight

i thought rather than cater
to your juvenile mentalities

we might perhaps have
a rather more adult game.

When are we going
to cut the cake?
I'm hungry!

Compulsive eaters

will find hors d'oeuvres
within arm's reach.

Now, for this game,
we shall need a volunteer.

Well, in the absence
of a volunteer

i shall have to
conscript someone.

Um... marge moore.

Me?

Okay, svengali,
uh, what's the caper?

All i want you

to do is to listen
to some music, my dear.

Oh, well,
i can do that!

Talk to me,
marge.

Tell me what
you're feeling.

My name isn't marge.

What is your name?

My name is tina.

Who are you, tina?

I'm a little girl.

What do you
like to do?

Oh, i love to dance.

All right, tina, dance for us.

Shh!

All right, you
may stop dancing
now, tina.

Tell me, are you always tina?

Not always.

What else are you, marge?

Sometimes, i pretend
that i'm a snowflake;

white and tiny
and perfectly formed.

I float
on the air

of a pale blue
moonlit night.

I'm never lonely...

beautiful and slender.

Oh, and i'm loved.

I see a man with
his hand stretched out.

I drift down
and reach that hand.

I'm enclosed by his warmth
and i melt with his love.

It was all in
fun, my dear.

I chose you especially,
because i thought

you'd enjoy a joke.

Gerald!

Don't you think
that we've had

enough of that piano
for tonight?
Oh, not quite.

Sit down, sit down,
everybody.

I'm going to call
forth the devil.

I hardly think we shall
get a volunteer,

but that
doesn't matter.

Esther, put
this on the piano.

Now, cheer up,
darling.

It's only a game.

Now, this is going
to befaust.

So if there really
is a devil among us

we shall know it
soon enough.

Say something, devil.

I'm afraid.

What are you afraid of, devil?

I'm afraid of the dark.

Why, you're not a devil.

You're just
a poor, frightened kid.

That's a secret.

Tell us your
secret, gerry.

I'm afraid of you all.

I'm afraid of people.

There's a small,
frightened boy,

and i've kept him
hidden away inside me.

And he only likes
to hurt people,

and i can't stop him
from doing it.

Did you know
that i envied you, marge?

I can't embrace
the world as you do.

And in my envy,
i released

that frightened child inside me
and i let him hurt you.

I tried to hurt you, too, greg.

I gave bad reviews
to your plays

when i should
have given praise.

I coveted your talent
because i have none.

And i hurt you
in every childish way i could.

I, uh, i think we'd better go.

Esther...

i've hurt
you most of all.

You came to
me with love,

but you frightened me.

I don't know how
to return love

except as
a child does-

with shrieks
and blows and
indifference.

Good night,
esther.

Uh...

esther...

will you
come with me?

Where are you
all going?!

I don't want
you to leave.

Come back!

If you leave me,
i'm going to be very naughty!

Don't laugh at me.

I'm not laughing, mr. Fortune.

You're not funny anymore.

Mr. Fitzgerald fortune,

a man who went searching
for concealed persons

and found himself
in the twilight zone.

Rod serling,
creator ofthe twilight zone,

will tell you
about next week's story

after this message.

And now, mr. Serling.

A symbol of a sad but rather
commonplace event.

An impressive funeral,
the deceased laid out

in a most acceptable manner...

but in this case,
at the last moment deciding

that in matters concerning
the trip to the great beyond,

perhaps this trip
wasn't necessary.

You'll see it next week
onthe twilight zone

when we present
montgomery pittman's

"the last rites
of jeff myrtlebank."

Very often when you write for a
living, you run across blocks-

moments when you can't think
of the right thing to say.

Now happily, there are no blocks
to get in the way

of the full pleasure
of chesterfield.

Great tobaccos make it
a wonderful smoke.

Try 'em; they satisfy.

This is james arness.

You know, it's only a short hop

fromthe twilight zone
to dodge city andgunsmoke,

saturday nights
over most of these stations.

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