All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S05E26.Pali.Mony.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

[Theme music]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it
floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

Do my eyes deceive
me, or has the goddess

Aphrodite returned to earth?

You, my dear, are truly lovely.

Well so far, your
my pick for the most

charming passenger on board.

I'm Larry Ellis.

This is my son Michael.

- Hi, Michael.
- Hi.

He's the one to watch out for.

There isn't a woman who's safe
with this Casanova on board.

Well, thanks for the warning.

Dad, do you have to start--

well, I'm only judging from
your letters from college.

Now, it's time for you to do
a little postgraduate work.

That one in blue
looks very seaworthy.

Go on, give her a taste
of the old Ellis charm.

Right now?

But we've only been
onboard three minutes.

There's no time to waste.

It's your first draft pick.

Go on, make your old
man proud of you.

Right.

Well, girl of my dreams,
what cabin are we in?

Hi.

I'm Michael Ellis.

I hate to bother you, but--

are you alone?

Does Judy look like a mirage?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh no, it's my fault. I
have this terrible habit

of turning invisible
whenever I'm around Monique.

Um.

I was wondering if, um,
maybe sometime later on,

you and I could possibly get
together for a little while,

with me, maybe?

Michael?

Yes?

Do the words "take a
hike" mean anything to you?

Miss wilkham?

Miss wilkham, what
are you doing here?

Well, it's me.

It's gopher.

I mean, I mean, burl.

Well, I mean, I'm gopher
now, but I was burl then.

Not the little burl Smith that
I used to teach in junior high?

The same.

Well, not quite the same.

I hope I've gotten
a little bigger.

Oh, you certainly have.

It's such a nice
surprise to see you.

Who would have thought little
burl would turn into such

a handsome young officer?

I know.

Even my mother thought
it was a long shot.

I forgot your jokes.

Burl?

Ma'am?

Where do I go now?

Uh-- you, um, you go to
cabin 146 on the fiesta deck.

That's right through those
doors and around the corner.

I hope I see you later.

You know who that is?

Your selection
from this group?

Vicki.

That is miss wilkham,
my English teacher.

Oh, did I have a crush on her.

I can see why.

She's a beauty.

Hi.

Oh.

Are we going the right way?

Well, let's see.

Thank you.

No.

You're on the promenade
deck, cabin 348.

Just go through those
doors and make a left.

Enjoy your cruise, miss
Brooks and Dr. Hanson.

Doctor, as one doctor to
another, welcome aboard.

Thank you, doctor.

Shall we?

How does a doctor find
time to go on a cruise?

Doc.

Julie, I work here.

John, hi.

Oh, hi.

I'm Ellen pozelle.

Oh, hi.

Penny Brooks.

Well, penny, don't you
think we should get settled?

Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Nice seeing you, Ellen.

Nice seeing you, too.

Enjoy your cruise.
- Right.

Bye.

Who was that?

Someone I met
somewhere, I guess.

Tell you the truth,
I didn't remember

her name until she said it.

Oh.

John: I'm terribly sorry.

John, will you come on?

That's ok.

Drinks are on me.

[Horn blaring]

[Music playing]

Mmm.

That feels so good.

I wouldn't want to do
anything to make you feel bad.

Dad, that's the fourth coat
of lotion you put on her.

Yes, I know.

Isn't that the girl you
met when we came on board?

Oh.

Yeah, Monique.

Well sometimes, it's better
to lie back and play it cool.

You came out a
winner in round one.

Why not go for the
knockout in round two?

Yeah.

Why not?

Hi.

I don't know if you
remember, but it's me.

Here, let me hold those for you.

I was on my way over to the bar,
and I was wondering if possibly

I could get you two anything.

Oh.

I see you already have drinks.

Boy, you're sharp.

Thanks.

Don't mind Monique.

She missed her morning nap.

Listen, I'm still
going over to the bar.

Is there anything
else you'd like?

Yes.

For you to stay there.

I should've warned you.

Lovers run in my family.

Lower.

(Deep voice) Lovers
run in my family.

(Normal voice) Well
how'd you make out?

Great.

She said I was really sharp.

And?

And?

Oh yeah.

Well naturally, we
made dinner plans.

Nice work, tiger.

I think I need a drink.

Oh, look who's here.

Who?

It's your friend, um, Ellen.

Ellen!
- Penny.

Penny.

Ellen!

Penny, she may
want to be alone.

If she wanted to be alone,
she wouldn't be on a cruise.

Hey, come join us.

Hi, penny.

Hello, John.

Have a seat.

Oh, thank you.

So, how are you enjoying
the cruise so far?

Oh, I think it's great.

It's my first one.

I'm glad I decided to save
up and splurge on myself.

First time for us, too.

We've each been so
busy with our work,

we hardly have time
for each other.

Oh, are you two married?

No.

Penny: No, no.

We haven't had time
for that, either.

So, John, how's your practice?

Hectic.

Hectic.

But no more than penny's.

I'm an attorney.

Oh.

That sounds exciting.

Sometimes I wish that
I had pursued a career.

Well, it's never
too late, you know.

Do you have plans for dinner?

Would you like to join us?
- Penny.

Penny.

Look, I'm sure an
attractive lady like Ellen

has no problem
finding a dinner date.

Well actually, I
don't have a date yet.

[Checkers crashing to floor]

Are you sure that I
won't be imposing?

Of course not.

We'd love to have you join us.

Right, John?

Sure.

Well, ok.

I'll see you tonight.

I'm going to go take a swim.
- Ok.

Bye bye.

Bye.

She asked about your practice.

Was she a patient?

No.
No.

Mm-mm.
No.

Oh.

Where do you know her from?

I think it was
a long time ago.

Maybe back in med
school, you know?

Ok.

Look, penny, why'd
you ask her to dinner?

We came on this cruise to be
alone, just the two of us.

I'm not worried.

I mean, I can tell
she isn't your type.

There she is, Isaac.

She's even more terrific
than I remember her.

Pretty lady.

Mm-hm.

Why don't you
ask her to dinner?

Isaac, you don't understand
about these things.

This woman probably still
looks upon me as a kid.

Last time she saw me, I was
raising my hand to ask her

if I could go to the bathroom.

So raise your hand and ask her
if she wants to go to dinner.

Go on.

Do it.

Hi, miss wilkham.

Hi, burl.

I didn't expect to
see you so soon.

And please, Susan.

Oh ok.

Susan it is, miss wilkham.

Susan.

Come on, sit down.

Tell me what's been happening
to you since junior high.

Oh, pretty much
the usual thing.

High school and college.

And then I joined the ship.

So I guess you
could say my life's

been pretty much high seas.

I haven't gotten
married or anything.

I can't imagine the
girls letting you slip by.

Well, I guess I'm just
waiting for the right woman

to come along.

Miss wilkham, I was wondering
if I could ask you--

Susan, I was wondering
if you would--

hello, gopher.

Hi, sir.

Be interested in
just having, um--

ooh.

Excuse me for
interrupting, miss wilkham.

I'm captain stubing.

Hello.

Gopher has told
us all about you.

I'd like to invite you to
dine at my table tonight.

I'd love to.

Thank you.

Fine.

I look forward to it.

I do, too.

Well, have a nice day.

Thank you.

Goodbye, gopher.

Will you be sitting at
the captain's table, too?

Yes, I will.

Good.

Then I'll look forward
to it even more.

I'm sorry.

You were going to
ask me something.

Yeah.

Can I be excused?

[Music playing]

Hi, I'm Michael.

Michael Ellis.

Oh, I'm Judy winters.

Monique's roommate.

She's not here right now.

Oh ok.

Sorry to bother you.

Well, can I help?

Um, yeah.

No.

I mean, I was wondering if
Monique would possibly--

no, probably not.

Why would she?

Do you always have these
conversations with yourself?

Yeah.

Only sometimes it gets so
boring, I don't even listen.

You want me to fix you
up with Monique, right?

Oh, it happens all the time.

Do you really think
she'd have dinner with me?

Well, I'd have
dinner with you.

And since Monique and I are
dining together, why don't you

just join us?

That would be great.

Thank you.

That wasn't so hard, was it?

No.

That's because talking
with you, it's just

like talking with my sister.

[Music playing]

I can't believe
even gopher would

do anything that ridiculous.

Oh, yes.

I'm afraid burl's what you
might call the class clown.

One term, he thought
that he was James cagney.

I asked him to get up and read
Shakespeare for the class,

and he said--

(imitating James
cagney) Friends,

romans, countrymen, lend me
your ears, or I'll cut them off.

You dirty rats.

If you think
his cagney is bad,

wait till you hear
his Johnny Carson.

Believe me, gopher
hasn't changed much.

Hmm.

I think he has.

But he's not the only
one who does impressions.

After dinner, if you'd like to
join me in the acapulco lounge,

I'll show you my Fred Astaire.

Oh, well i--

aren't we going to--

(imitating Humphrey bogart)
Ah, you better forget about me,

sweetheart.

Inside both of
us, we know you're

better off with the captain.

Thank you, captain.

I'd love to join you.

But you better save
me a dance, bogey.

I can't believe you invited
that jerk to eat with us.

Well, why not?

Because you'll scare
off all the decent guys.

That's why not.

Nice room, isn't it?

Depends on where
you're sitting.

- Hi, Julie.
- Oh, hello.

Have you seen Michael?

Oh, I sure have.

He's right over there with
two very lovely ladies.

Larry: I tell you,
that kid's got

them eating out of his hand.

In that case, I sure
hope they don't order soup.

Enjoy your dinner.

Thank you.

I, uh, I think
I'll have the Turkey.

You know what they say--

you are what you eat.

Monique, you don't
have to be so rude.

Oh, that's ok.

John tells me that you two met
when he was at medical school.

Yes, that's right.

In Boston.

Boston.

Oh, John, look.

Lemon sole stuffed with crab.

Your favorite.

And you have a memory, too.

Ellen, how in the
world could you

remember something like that?

How could I forget?

He always ordered it.

Always?

Well, it's hard to
avoid fish in Boston.

Yeah, you're right.

Oh, John.

Remember the night
that you brought

home Dr. Harkavy and the
lobster crawled out of the sink.

Oh, no!

Home?

Um, Ellen and I lived
together for two years.

I'm sorry, penny.

I just assumed
that John told you.

Oh.

Well.

It certainly is a small ship.

Yes, it is.

[Music playing]

You know, gopher's lucky.

I wish you had been my
junior high school teacher.

'Course, you would have
been four years old.

Look great
together, don't they?

Oh, goph, don't make
yourself miserable.

Go cut in.

She asked you to
save a dance for her.

Doc, she was
just being polite.

All I am to her is little burl
Smith, boy prankster and child

impressionist.

Well you're giving a pretty
good impression of a child

right now.

Now what are you?

A man or a mouse?

Yeah.

Anybody got a piece of cheese?

You're hopeless.

I'm not hopeless.

I just don't feel like making
a fool out of myself again.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm ready for our dance.

Where's the captain?

Oh, some lady cut in
on me, so I thought i'd

be a little aggressive myself.

Come on.

Hope you guys learn
something from this.

Good evening, Michael.

Where's Monique?

After what your
father said, I didn't

expect to see you without her.

I don't mind so much if
you see me without her.

I just don't want my dad to.

Uh-- [clears throat] Michael.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, but
there's a phone call

for you in the purser's lobby.

What do you
think you're doing?

Look, just dance with
me just for a minute,

and I promise I'll
never bother you again.

Do me a favor.

Put that in writing.

Proud of you, son.

Don't wait up, dad.

We're going to
change into something

a little more comfortable.

You know, burl.

Hmm?

Dancing with you now,
I think I made a mistake.

Oh, you'd rather be
with the captain, huh?

No.

You remember in junior high
when you asked me to the prom?

Sure.

I think I should've accepted.

[Music playing]

Hi, Michael.

Oh.

Hi, Judy.

I'm sorry things didn't
work out with Monique.

You're not the first
guy she's disappointed.

I'm not disappointed.

But my father sure will be.

You see, he thinks i'm
this big ladies' man.

He's the one who wanted
me to go after Monique

in the first place.

Then you don't really
care about Monique?

No.

You must think
that's awful of me.

I think that's great.

I mean, I think it's great you
went to all that trouble just

to please your father.

Yeah.

Trouble is right.

Why don't you just
tell him the truth?

Are you kidding?

Tell him I got shot down?

Well, he's your father.

He's not going to
think any less of you.

Hey, you don't understand.

Most fathers want their sons
to grow up to be doctors.

And my father wants me to grow
up to be Michael the conqueror.

Well, it looks like I'm going to
have to camp out here tonight.

Well, you can't do that.

You're gonna freeze.

I can't go back to my cabin.

My father thinks i'm
out with Monique.

And if you get home before
7:00 am, to my father,

you haven't been out on a date.

I'll be all right.

Goodnight, Judy.

Goodnight, Michael.

[Music playing]

And did he always
hog all the blankets

when you knew him, too?

He sure did.

He used to get so
wrapped up in them,

it was like sleeping
with a mummy.

Oh.

[Inaudible] All night.

Quiet, king tut.

And was he always
helpless in the kitchen?

Sometimes I think he's
allergic to dishwashing.

Now that's the one
thing that he did do.

I knew he hated it.

But see, I waited
on tables all day,

and then I worked as a
cocktail waitress at night.

When I got home, he
knew I was tired.

So he always did the dishes.

It was the least I could do.

She was supporting us.

John, you owe your degree and
a good measure of your success

to Ellen, don't you?

I couldn't have
done it without her.

Besides, if I had
taken a job back then,

I might have never
become a doctor.

And you were there with
the rent and the groceries.

Penny, we were in love.

I was glad to do it.

Besides, it's worked out fine.

For John, but
not for you, Ellen.

What do you mean?

Yeah, what do you mean?

I mean, you,
Ellen pozelle, made

it possible for the learned
doctor across the table

to become said doctor.

And at no time have you
received compensation

for the financial assistance
you did render during the time

that you shared together.

Could you put that into
words of one syllable?

No.

But I can put it into one
word of four syllables--

pal-i-mo-NY.

Palimony?

Mm-hm.

Alimony for pals who
never got married.

I think I could use a drink.

No, no.

Save your money.

If Ellen becomes my client,
you're going to need

every dime to pay her back.

You poor child.

[Music playing]

You really wrote me a note
asking me to elope with you?

Yeah, I really did.

But um-- I got mixed up
in my science homework,

and miss Murtaugh got it.

Remember her?

What did she do?

Nothing.

But my science grade showed
a marked improvement.

I'll tell you
something else, too.

You know how I always would ask
if I could stay after school

and clean the erasers and
the blackboards and stuff?

Well, I just did that to
spend more time with you.

Actually, I'm allergic to chalk.

When you were in my
class, what, you were 13?

Oh, please.

I was 14.

I was 22.

You must have thought our
ages were 100 years apart.

Give or take a year.

Do you remember that
time in school when--

burl?

Burl.

Hmm?

Let's not live in the past.

That was then, and this is now.

I like the way
you've turned out.

I like it a lot.

Wow.

Oh!

Oh gosh!

You-- can you guess
what time it is?

Look at that.

It is late.

I am-- I better
let you get to bed.

And i-- I gotta go to bed,
too, because I've got to be

up way before the passengers.

Of course.
Of course.

Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Both: Goodnight.

Ok.

Susan, goodnight.

[Music playing]

Isn't it awful early
for you to be up?

I guess.

John?

Hmm?

I thought we came on this
cruise for a little romance.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

A little romance,
not a little lawsuit.

You're going to catch a cold.

John, I'm going to
ask you one question.

If the answer is no,
I'll drop the case, ok?

Fine.
No.

No.

The answer's no.

The question is, does Ellen
deserve financial restitution

for the two years she
spent supporting you

so that you could
finish medical school?

Yes, she does.

Good.

I knew you'd be fair.

John, the fact that
she'll be suing you

does not reflect how
I feel about you.

I mean, can't you separate
business from pleasure?

You know, the problem
is, your idea of pleasure

is giving me the business.

You should've been a lawyer.

You really do have
a way with words.

You should have been a doctor.

You sure know how to
carve somebody up.

[Music playing]

Ok, goph, what's your problem?

Ok.

I need your input as a woman.

Yeah.

And I need your input
as a man of experience.

Well, if it's my address
book you want, I'm sorry.

I promised it to
the Smithsonian.

Now, wait.

This is serious, ok?

Ok.

How can I tell when a
woman's coming onto me?

Well, she-- your
teacher came onto you?

Who told you that?

Gopher, what happened?

Nothing.

I got nervous and
said goodnight.

Aw.

You sure you weren't in the
class for slow starters?

Yeah, gopher, I
mean, an older woman

being attracted to a younger
man is pretty commonplace today.

I just can't
believe that Susan's

really interested in me.

Why not?

Well for one thing, I think
the captain likes her, too.

And how can I compete with that?

At best, I either
lose her or my job.

Maybe both.

But at least give
it your best shot.

Yeah.

Hey, gopher, come on.

Now's your chance.

Go ahead.

Go on.

Good morning, Susan.

Oh, good morning.

That's everything.

Thank you.

May I join you?

Oh, of course.
Sit down.

Thank you.

Susan, I want to
apologize for last night.

I'm afraid I behaved
like a child.

Well, as a matter
of fact, you did.

Well, I'm sorry.

It's just that--

I keep thinking of
you as miss wilkham,

my old English teacher.

I understand that.

I understand.

Some people just can't
handle the age difference.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Wait a minute.

No, I didn't mean that.

Let me-- let me start again.

What I meant was--

good morning.

Good morning.

Morning.

Merrill, does that offer
still stand from last night?

Remember you promised
me a tour of the ship?

Absolutely.

And there's no time
like the present.

Wonderful.

Excuse me, burl.

Sure, Susan.

I mean, miss wilkham.

[Music playing]

Michael.

I haven't seen you all morning.

Where you been?

Hi, dad.

I was just catching
up on my rest.

Boy, that Monique, she
was Wilder than I dreamed.

It was like spending the
night in a tiger's cage.

Hey, Mike, I'm your dad.

You don't have to lie to me.

What?

I talked to
Monique this morning.

Oh.

Then you know about last night.

Don't take it so hard, killer.

Everybody strikes
out once in a while.

Dad, can I be really
honest with you?

Of course.

I strike out a lot more
than once in a while.

As a matter of fact, I'm about
as far from a ladies' man

as you can get.

What about your letters?

The sorority girls, the lady mud
wrestler, the Spencer triplets.

Dad, I wanted you to think
that I was as good with women

as you are.

I thought it was
important to you.

The only thing
that's important to me

is that you're happy.

Boy, do I feel like a heel.

Well, it isn't your
fault. It's just that

you have a talent, and I don't.

It's not a question of talent.

It's all technique.

Look, someday you'll find a
girl that you really like,

and then I'll give
you some pointers.

Well, dad, there
is a girl that I

like, right here on the ship.

It's Monique's roommate Judy.

Then operation Judy it is.

You get yourself
a piece of paper

because general Ellis is going
to draw a battle plan that even

patton would've envied.

Penny, I really
appreciate your interest.

But I don't want to drag
poor John into court.

Oh, you've got that wrong.

It'll be poor John when
he comes out of court.

Now, look, we don't
have to go to court.

I'm not contesting the suit.

You worked hard to support me.

And out of the love
I felt for you then,

I just want square the account.

John, it's totally
unnecessary--

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

I want to.

Good.

Then all that remains
is for you and John

to work out a
financial settlement.

Now let's determine
what Ellen spent.

Can we sit down?

Food.

I don't know.

Maybe $60 a week.

Oh, come on.

He eats more than that in a day.

I beg your pardon.
$100 a week for food.

Plus $2 a week.

Right.

Our extravagance.

A jug of mama
trantella's red wine.

Ok, $2 for mama trantella.

Rent?

$250 a month.

Our little apartment
in kenmore square.

Oh, John.

I was back in
Boston last spring.

Guess what.

What?

They never took our
names off the mailbox.

Really?

How about other
things like utilities,

maintenance, furniture?

Remember the new
bed we had to buy?

How much for the beds?

Uh, [clears throat]
Just one bed.

Yeah.

The old one sort of fell
apart after a while.

The bed's on me.

Scratch the bed.

The Christmas
vacation in Montreal.

That one's on me.

I'll gladly pay for that one.

Don't worry, John.

You'll pay.

Listen, I'm going to
translate this into legalese.

Why don't you see if you
can remember anything else.

Anything else come to mind?

Yes.

But nothing that you
could put a price on.

[Music playing]

So, everything you've
seen in the past two hours

is controlled from in here.

I like to think of it as
the brain of our ship.

And you're the brain
that controls the brain.

Well, that's
because I have such

a wonderful crew to assist me.

Gopher, for instance, is
a very fine young officer.

Yes, very young.

Do I detect a touch of
irritation in your voice?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for it to show.

Actually, I think burl and I
could have a nice relationship,

if he would just
stop thinking of me

as his old maid schoolmarm.

Oh, Susan.

You're a very attractive woman.

Nobody in their right mind
could ever think that.

Thank you.

Sometimes I wonder if
I'm in my right mind.

I mean, the idea of burl
and me together is--

it's crazy.

Sometimes the craziest
ideas are the best.

Captain?

Hmm?

Don't give the
teacher lessons.

[Music playing]

There she is.

Thank you.

Can you remember it all?

Then in 10 minutes, she'll
be putty in your hands.

Do my eyes deceive
me, or has the goddess

Aphrodite descended to earth?

For you, to match the
blue of your eyes.

Well actually,
my eyes are brown.

And here.

Some sweets for the sweet.

Thanks.

Listen, Michael,
about last night.

I'm sorry.

I had no right sticking
my nose in your business.

Has anyone ever told you
what beautiful skin you have?

Just my dermatologist.

Listen, about last night.

I really--

you better be careful, baby.

Lovers run in my family.

Are you feeling all right?

Sure.

Why?

Because suddenly I
feel like I'm talking

to the king of the swingles.

When are you gonna ask
me what my sign is?

Not for another minute or two.

You're serious.

Well, I'll save you the trouble.

I was born under
the sign of scorpio.

And I'm leaving under
the sign of exit.

What happened?

I struck out again.

I don't understand.

Those were my best lines.

That's just it, dad.

They were your lines.

I'll check, Dr. Hanson.

But I'm not making any promises.
- Thank you.

I'd appreciate it.

Hi, Ellen.

John, hi.

Where's penny?

Still working.

May I?

Please.

It seems like court's
never in recess for her.

Oh.

Well, I admire her dedication.

Dedication's fine.

But every waking hour?

Oh, John, come on.

Be fair.

You work long hours, too.

Besides, you'd feel guilty
leaving the little woman

type at home all day.

Maybe if I had a
little woman type i--

I really loved, i'd
get home earlier.

Here we go.

Just what the doctor ordered.

I took the Liberty.

And I take no responsibility.

Cheers.

John, it's terrible.

It is, isn't it?

I didn't think you'd like it.

Like it?

I love it.

It's mama trantella's jug red.

Is it as bad as you remember?

Badder.

Badder.

Well listen, I can't
charge you for it.

We don't usually serve
this to passengers.

The chef uses it.

Remind me not to order
anything cooked with red wine.

Oh, he doesn't cook with it.

No?

He uses it to clean the grill.

Let me propose a toast.

To-- to old memories.

To new ones.

[Music playing]

Gopher, hi.

Anything I can do to help?

Yes.

When I jump over the side,
yell "boy overboard."

It was a stupid idea,
Julie, from the start.

Some things are better
left to fantasy.

I had my chance, and I blew it.

Gopher, if you care about
someone, you have to tell them.

Julie, the woman
practically admitted

that the age difference
between us makes it impossible.

A woman can always
change her mind.

Now go tell her you love her.

You really think
I should do that?

Yes, I do.

I think you should
do it right now.

I think you should go over to
her and say, Susan, I love you.

Just like that.

Just like that.

Susan, I love you.

Yeah.

Susan, I love you.

Mm-hm.

Actually, that's
not that hard to say.

Susan, I love you.

Susan, I love you.

Susan, I love you.

Susan, I love you.

Susan, I love you.

Susan-- wait a minute.

What?

I don't love her.

How could I love her?

When she came on board, I
didn't even know her first name.

- Oh, gopher, you're scared.
- I am not.

Yes, you are.

Not.

I'm being honest
for the first time.

I was in love with miss wilkham.

But with Susan, it's not love.

It's deep like.

Oh, gopher, tell her that.

[Music playing]

Judy?

I'm Larry Ellis,
Michael's father.

How do you do?

Not so well, I'm afraid.

Especially when it comes to
meddling in my son's affairs.

I want you to know that what
happened was all my fault.

Oh, you mean Michael's sudden
transformation into Joe smooth?

I was only trying to help.

I thought that if I
gave him a few tips,

it would help to break
the ice with you.

Guess that was kind of foolish.

Michael doesn't think so.

I'm glad.

I hope you give
him another chance.

He's a great kid.

Real chip off the old block.

No, he's-- he's a great
kid because he's not

a chip off the old block.

Anyway--

dad.

This time, I'll do it on my own.

Why don't we start
at the beginning?

No.

Why don't we start at the end?

[Music playing]

You know, I'd almost
forgotten how beautiful

you look in moonlight.

How the stars just
twinkle in your eyes.

I know I've taken those
things for granted before,

but I want to let you
know how I feel now.

Well, there you two are.

Ellen, I've got a proposal all
worked out for your signature.

Great.

I propose that you,
John, pay Ellen 20%

of your income for
the past five years.

Hold it.

Hold it.

I have a counterproposal.

John, I think
20% is very fair.

100%.

100?

There's one catch, though.

100% of all my future income.

Will you take it?

And me?

[Music playing]

Susan.

Thought it was
miss wilkham to you?

Susan.

Susan, I came out
here to tell you--

to tell you that I like you.

I really like you.

Now I know that you
see me as a kid.

But I am not a kid anymore.

I'm a grown man.

Now, now hold it.
Now wait a minute.

I can take anything
but you laughing at me.

Oh, I'm not.

I'm not.

It's just that I'm so
happy I can't believe it.

I thought that you just saw
me as your old school teacher

instead of as a woman
who likes you as a man.

You-- you like me.

I really like you, and
you really like me?

Oh, of course I do.

You're sweet and sensitive
and kind and intelligent.

Keep going.

And you're very sexy.

(Imitating Humphrey
bogart) Sweetheart,

you ain't seen nothing yet.

Burl?

Hmm?

You just got your
first a from me.

Great.

I think I'll try
for extra credit.

[Music playing]

Are you ready to go, dad?

Sure am.

Oh, is it ok if I
take home with me?

I want him to meet my mom.

Of course.

We'll all grab a cab,
and I'll drop you off.

Where do you live?

Detroit.

Bye.

Nice meeting you, Mr. Ellis.

Michael, when you get a
minute, how about giving

your old man a few tips?

Is there a doctor
in the house?

He needs one.

Yes, there was.

Thank you for joining us.

Thank you, doc.

Hey, before you two
go, I just want to give

you a little engagement.

Isaac.

Thank you, Isaac.

Very nice of you.

Uh-oh.

It's not mama trantella, is it?

Well, the chef will
have a dirty grill.

Hey, John, Ellen.

I just wanted to wish
you two good luck.

Thank you, penny.

No hard feelings, huh?

No.

No.

In fact, I wanted to give you
something to remember me by.

Yeah?

What is it?

It's a bill for
my legal services.

Now, when am I going
to get to see you again?

Oh, I forgot.

Next weekend, I have to
chaperone the junior prom,

and I was kind of
hoping you'd be my date.

If you want to, that is.

If I want to?

I have been dreaming
of that since I was 14.

Better late than never.

I'll see you next weekend then.

Right.

Fine.
- Goodbye.

Thank you.

It was wonderful.

All: Bye bye.

So, goph, you passed, huh?

With flying colors.

Yeah, the next step is my phd.

Your phd?

Pretty heavy date.

[Music playing]

[Theme music]

[Music playing]