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1
00:00:07,823 --> 00:00:09,591
This is messed up.
2
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:11,159
Telling us we're
going to Cooper's,
3
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,427
then dragging us
to the mall.
4
00:00:12,428 --> 00:00:13,794
We're going
to Cooper's, okay?
5
00:00:13,795 --> 00:00:15,963
As soon I get Carrie
her anniversary present.
6
00:00:15,964 --> 00:00:18,967
You should get her
a massaging foot soaker.
7
00:00:18,968 --> 00:00:21,169
I got one,
and mine feel like butter.
8
00:00:21,170 --> 00:00:23,555
Okay, thanks for ruining
butter for me.
9
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:26,491
Come on. Do you have any idea
what you're gonna get her?
10
00:00:26,492 --> 00:00:28,427
I know exactly
what I'm getting her.
11
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,278
She actually circled
the earrings in this ad.
12
00:00:30,279 --> 00:00:32,447
Then she sketched out
a map of the mall
13
00:00:32,448 --> 00:00:33,848
so I don't get lost.
14
00:00:33,849 --> 00:00:36,384
Look, see the "X"
at Cinnabon there?
15
00:00:36,385 --> 00:00:38,820
"You are probably here. "
16
00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:40,739
Fredrico DeMali?
17
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,441
No. Doug Heffernan.
18
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:44,809
Oh, no. I was asking
if you'd like to try
19
00:00:44,810 --> 00:00:46,611
our new
Fredrico DeMali cologne.
20
00:00:46,612 --> 00:00:48,079
Oh. No. No, thanks.
21
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,865
I'm good with
my Midnight Steel.
22
00:00:49,866 --> 00:00:52,016
Midnight Steel?
23
00:00:52,017 --> 00:00:54,002
Isn't that kind of '90s?
24
00:00:54,003 --> 00:00:55,787
Actually, '80s.
25
00:00:55,788 --> 00:00:57,422
Come on, try it.
I mean, you wouldn't
26
00:00:57,423 --> 00:00:58,590
still wear the clothes
27
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,292
you wore in the '80s,
would you?
28
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:02,860
All right, yeah.
I'll take a blast. Sure.
29
00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:09,050
Wow!
That smells awesome.
30
00:01:09,051 --> 00:01:12,270
Goes great with your
body chemistry. Really?
31
00:01:12,271 --> 00:01:13,505
She's right.
That's a winner.
32
00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:15,474
Oh, my God.
You smell yummy.
33
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,976
Okay, I'll take
the biggest bottle you have.
34
00:01:54,596 --> 00:01:56,113
Oh!
Ten of clubs.
35
00:01:56,114 --> 00:01:58,216
Miracle card. Gin!
36
00:01:58,217 --> 00:02:00,652
That's 80 bucks you owe me.
37
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:02,703
I know. You don't have to
rub my face in it.
38
00:02:03,755 --> 00:02:05,790
Douglas, he's rubbing it
in my face again.
39
00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:07,225
Hey, don't know
what it is,
40
00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:09,460
but I hope I'm upstairs
before the rubbing starts.
41
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,332
Okay. One more game,
double or nothing.
44
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,021
Why can't you
get that through
45
00:02:20,022 --> 00:02:22,123
that pineapple-shaped
head of yours?!
46
00:02:22,124 --> 00:02:23,425
Okay, you know what?
47
00:02:23,426 --> 00:02:25,794
When you win,
I pay right away,
48
00:02:25,795 --> 00:02:28,630
and when I win, you don't pay,
and you insult my head.
49
00:02:28,631 --> 00:02:32,517
Are you insinuating
I'm not good for the money?
50
00:02:32,518 --> 00:02:34,352
No, I'm not insinuating.
You don't pay.
51
00:02:34,353 --> 00:02:36,437
Then you are
insinuating it.
52
00:02:39,275 --> 00:02:40,491
Hey, there,
lucky lady.
53
00:02:40,492 --> 00:02:42,644
Hey, honey. I was thinking
for our anniversary,
54
00:02:42,645 --> 00:02:44,529
we should go to Chez Henri.
55
00:02:44,530 --> 00:02:47,566
It's this really romantic
French restaurant.
56
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,600
Or we do a bunch
of Jell-O shots
57
00:02:49,601 --> 00:02:52,037
and bowl drunk.
58
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,772
We did that
for my birthday.
59
00:02:56,492 --> 00:02:58,577
Come on, baby.
Do it for me.
60
00:02:58,578 --> 00:02:59,593
All right. okay.
61
00:02:59,594 --> 00:03:01,495
All right. All right.
Oh, great. Thank you.
62
00:03:01,496 --> 00:03:02,563
Okay.
63
00:03:02,564 --> 00:03:04,583
Eww.
64
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,002
What is that smell?
65
00:03:07,003 --> 00:03:07,952
Oh, I was
at the mall today,
66
00:03:07,953 --> 00:03:09,887
and I treated myself
to a new cologne.
67
00:03:09,888 --> 00:03:13,592
Fredrico DeMali.
68
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,326
Gotta be honest
with you, honey.
69
00:03:15,327 --> 00:03:18,230
That one's rough.
70
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:19,848
No, no. You just
gotta get in there.
71
00:03:19,849 --> 00:03:21,149
Yeah, I was in there, okay?
72
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:24,185
Now, Midnight Steel. Now,
that's your scent, honey.
73
00:03:24,186 --> 00:03:25,687
All right,
for our anniversary,
74
00:03:25,688 --> 00:03:27,789
I think you should wear
the blue suit.
75
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:28,790
The brown one's nice,
76
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:31,559
but it still has
grass stains on it.
77
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,111
How did you do that again?
78
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,745
Okay, you know what?
For the last time,
79
00:03:34,746 --> 00:03:38,216
I was at that funeral,
and a softball game broke out.
80
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:40,268
It happens.
All right.
81
00:03:46,374 --> 00:03:48,009
What are you doing, hon?
82
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:49,226
I want you to get
the full effect.
83
00:03:49,227 --> 00:03:51,996
Just let it mix
with my body chemistry.
84
00:03:54,183 --> 00:03:56,568
And I already told you
that cologne:
85
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,002
swing and a miss.
86
00:03:59,288 --> 00:04:00,939
That's not what
other people say.
87
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,057
What other people?
88
00:04:02,058 --> 00:04:03,708
Oh, Deacon and Danny, and,
89
00:04:03,709 --> 00:04:05,977
oh, well, this girl at the mall
said I smelled yummy.
90
00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:07,144
Well, I don't care
91
00:04:07,145 --> 00:04:09,481
what some skank
at the mall thinks, okay?
92
00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:12,266
You don't wear cologne
for other women.
93
00:04:12,267 --> 00:04:14,435
You wear it for me.
That's why I have you wear
94
00:04:14,436 --> 00:04:16,705
Midnight Steel,
because I like it.
95
00:04:16,706 --> 00:04:18,706
All right, so take
the cologne back to the mall
96
00:04:18,707 --> 00:04:21,443
and get your money back.
Okay, babe? Thanks.
97
00:04:26,214 --> 00:04:27,481
Ah, Spencer.
98
00:04:27,482 --> 00:04:30,051
Oh, Arthur. What did you
want me to come down here for?
99
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,419
You said you want me
to pay you back,
100
00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:32,837
so I'm paying you back.
101
00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:34,055
Where's my money?
102
00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:35,189
I'm not paying you in money.
103
00:04:35,190 --> 00:04:36,524
That's crass.
104
00:04:36,525 --> 00:04:38,893
I'm paying you with
the magical bliss
105
00:04:38,894 --> 00:04:41,179
that is American cinema.
106
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,764
Arthur, I'd rather
have my money.
107
00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:44,199
Well, I'd rather be
drinking mai tais
108
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,601
with the Lennon Sisters,
but that ain't gonna happen.
109
00:04:46,602 --> 00:04:47,936
Now follow me.
110
00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:49,871
Wait, Arthur, the entrance
is right here.
111
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,538
That's
the sucker's way in.
112
00:04:54,009 --> 00:04:56,744
Arthur,
I'm not doing this.
113
00:04:56,745 --> 00:04:58,046
It's illegal.
It's stealing.
114
00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,347
It's not stealing.
115
00:04:59,348 --> 00:05:01,715
They build this into the price,
like shoplifting.
116
00:05:01,716 --> 00:05:02,783
What if we get caught?
117
00:05:02,784 --> 00:05:04,718
Oh, sprout some figs,
will you?
118
00:05:05,454 --> 00:05:06,838
Let's do it.
119
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,355
Okay, as soon
as the usher's gone,
120
00:05:08,356 --> 00:05:09,556
we'll grab our seats.
121
00:05:09,557 --> 00:05:11,525
So there's no confusion,
I'm an aisle man.
122
00:05:11,526 --> 00:05:12,927
Yeah, whatever.
123
00:05:14,562 --> 00:05:16,230
Okay, let's do it.
124
00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:23,471
Hey.
125
00:05:23,472 --> 00:05:24,572
What's up, Crime Dawg?
126
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,776
How come you never
do that for me?
127
00:05:27,777 --> 00:05:29,910
Huh?
You know, nicknames.
128
00:05:29,911 --> 00:05:33,547
Crime Dawg, Doug Town,
D- Unit.
129
00:05:33,548 --> 00:05:34,983
How come you never
do it for me?
130
00:05:34,984 --> 00:05:36,317
What do you
wanna be called?
131
00:05:36,318 --> 00:05:38,002
Well, I'm not supposed
to come up with it.
132
00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:39,654
You're supposed to
come up with it.
133
00:05:39,655 --> 00:05:41,239
I don't wanna
come up with it.
134
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,673
Well, why not?
You do it for him.
135
00:05:42,674 --> 00:05:44,909
Just come up with
a nickname for me.
136
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:47,395
How about Whiny Beyotch?
137
00:05:48,764 --> 00:05:51,332
Thank you.
138
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:52,383
Here's your hot wings.
139
00:05:52,384 --> 00:05:54,786
Oh. Cool.
140
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,054
Hm.
Hey, what happened
141
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:58,423
to that great cologne
you had on yesterday?
142
00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,408
Oh, I, uh,
decided not to wear it today.
143
00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:03,645
I went back to my old
Midnight Steel.
144
00:06:03,646 --> 00:06:05,913
Oh, yeah.
My dad wears that.
145
00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,651
You're not wearing
the DeMali anymore?
146
00:06:09,652 --> 00:06:11,569
No. You know what?
Carrie didn't like it.
147
00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:13,738
Well, if the scent's
up for grabs, I'll take it.
148
00:06:13,739 --> 00:06:15,223
It's all yours, man.
Enjoy.
149
00:06:15,224 --> 00:06:16,424
Ha. Boy,
150
00:06:16,425 --> 00:06:18,226
when I was married
we had our own troubles,
151
00:06:18,227 --> 00:06:21,780
but my wife never
told me how to smell.
152
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:24,449
No, she was too busy
taking "naps" with the gardener.
153
00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:28,185
She wasn't taking "naps" with
the gardener, all right?
154
00:06:28,186 --> 00:06:31,489
She was taking "naps"
with the landscaper.
155
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:33,458
The gardener was the lookout.
156
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:37,328
Anyway, I'm sorry
Carrie banned DeMali from you,
157
00:06:37,329 --> 00:06:40,164
but, hey,
your loss is my gain.
158
00:06:40,165 --> 00:06:41,633
And he wasn't
just a landscaper.
159
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,134
He was also
a licensed contractor.
160
00:06:43,135 --> 00:06:44,435
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
161
00:06:44,436 --> 00:06:45,903
Whoa, whoa,
back it up here.
162
00:06:45,904 --> 00:06:49,023
She doesn't ban me from things,
okay? I decide.
163
00:06:49,024 --> 00:06:50,958
Okay, so one day,
you woke up
164
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:53,261
and decided to throw out
your PlayStation?
165
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:56,247
No, that was Carrie,
but she was right.
166
00:06:56,248 --> 00:06:59,284
I was headed for some serious
thumb trouble.
167
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:00,952
Oh. Well, how about
the football pool,
168
00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:04,122
the go-cart, and your,
uh, red cowboy boots?
169
00:07:05,657 --> 00:07:07,909
I loved those boots.
170
00:07:07,910 --> 00:07:09,627
And you loved
your mustache.
171
00:07:09,628 --> 00:07:14,549
Yeah.
172
00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:15,850
Oh, my God.
Little by little,
173
00:07:15,851 --> 00:07:18,019
she's been
taking over my world.
174
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,420
It's not really
little by little.
175
00:07:19,421 --> 00:07:22,474
It's more like
big, decisive chunks.
176
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,975
How long have you guys
known this was going on?
177
00:07:24,976 --> 00:07:26,311
I guess it's been about,
uh,
178
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:28,763
10 years this Friday.
179
00:07:28,764 --> 00:07:30,782
Well, let me tell you both
something. Okay?
180
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,650
It ends here.
I'm sorry, man,
181
00:07:32,651 --> 00:07:34,102
but I'm taking
my scent back.
182
00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:37,822
And I'm going home right now
to take my life back.
183
00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:39,857
Right after
I finish my wings.
184
00:07:45,814 --> 00:07:48,283
You and I have to have
a little talk.
185
00:07:48,284 --> 00:07:50,184
Yes, we do, Doug.
Do you know what I found
186
00:07:50,185 --> 00:07:52,886
in your pants pocket
in the hamper today?
187
00:07:52,887 --> 00:07:54,555
The car insurance
payment
188
00:07:54,556 --> 00:07:57,125
that I asked you
to mail three weeks ago.
189
00:07:57,126 --> 00:07:58,859
Now, tomorrow at work,
I'm gonna have to
190
00:07:58,860 --> 00:08:01,296
spend my entire
lunch hour on the phone
191
00:08:01,297 --> 00:08:04,182
with the insurance company
to straighten this out.
192
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:06,818
I will mail out all the bills
from now on. Okay?
193
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,520
As a matter of fact,
don't touch the mail
194
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:09,821
at all ever. Okay?
195
00:08:13,024 --> 00:08:16,293
You can run,
but you cannot hide.
196
00:08:22,701 --> 00:08:24,152
All right,
I'm headed out,
197
00:08:24,153 --> 00:08:26,920
and I will pick up your suit
from the dry cleaners, okay?
198
00:08:26,921 --> 00:08:28,923
Mm. Wow, great.
Sounds like I'm gonna be
199
00:08:28,924 --> 00:08:30,958
the sharpest-dressed guy
at Chez Henri.
200
00:08:30,959 --> 00:08:32,577
You know,
in my weight class.
201
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,045
All right, I'm late.
I gotta go. Love you.
202
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:06,153
Man, I can't believe you
stood up to Carrie like that.
203
00:10:06,154 --> 00:10:07,639
I didn't think
you had it in you.
204
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:11,175
Oh, I got it in me
and on me.
205
00:10:11,176 --> 00:10:14,512
I am DeMali-licious.
206
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,314
So she wasn't even mad?
207
00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:17,631
I didn't give her
a chance to get mad.
208
00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:19,100
I said, "I'm wearing
the cologne,
209
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:21,519
and deal with it, woman. "
210
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,370
So, what's next?
211
00:10:23,371 --> 00:10:25,356
You gonna bring back
those red cowboy boots?
212
00:10:25,357 --> 00:10:27,675
Hey, I want 'em back,
they're back.
213
00:10:27,676 --> 00:10:29,694
My feet, my rules.
214
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:30,611
Here you go.
215
00:10:30,612 --> 00:10:33,180
Mm, mm.
These wings smell good.
216
00:10:33,181 --> 00:10:35,583
Not half as good as you.
217
00:10:35,584 --> 00:10:38,302
Well, in about two minutes,
I'm gonna smell like both.
218
00:10:47,863 --> 00:10:49,864
What's the usher doing?
219
00:10:49,865 --> 00:10:52,934
He's groping an old lady.
220
00:10:52,935 --> 00:10:56,203
No.
He's helping her to a seat.
221
00:10:57,906 --> 00:11:00,074
So is this
instead of paying me
222
00:11:00,075 --> 00:11:02,393
the money you borrowed?
223
00:11:02,394 --> 00:11:05,229
He takes the price
of the ticket off of your tab.
224
00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:07,982
Oh, no, no. Arthur, I'm low
on rent. I need cash.
225
00:11:07,983 --> 00:11:09,650
Well, bring
your landlord down,
226
00:11:09,651 --> 00:11:12,203
and you can pay off
your rent in movies.
227
00:11:12,204 --> 00:11:14,939
No. He won't take
anything but cash.
228
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:16,774
Trust me.
229
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:59,166
That usher keeps
staring at us.
230
00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:00,767
He's staring at you
because your head
231
00:12:00,768 --> 00:12:01,968
is shaped
like a pineapple.
232
00:12:01,969 --> 00:12:05,239
My-
233
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,541
My head is not shaped
like a pineapple.
234
00:12:07,542 --> 00:12:09,677
If anything, it's shaped
like a honeydew.
235
00:12:09,678 --> 00:12:11,129
Oh, you wish.
236
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:13,464
I'm gonna go to the concession
stand and get some candy.
237
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:17,885
No need. A. Spooner
is open for business.
238
00:12:17,886 --> 00:12:19,786
You expect me
to buy candy from you?
239
00:12:19,787 --> 00:12:21,088
No,
you don't actually buy it.
240
00:12:21,089 --> 00:12:22,689
He just knocks the price
off your tab.
241
00:12:22,690 --> 00:12:24,658
Milk Duds, please.
242
00:12:26,444 --> 00:12:29,113
Excuse me.
Evening, my good sir.
243
00:12:29,114 --> 00:12:30,898
How goes the ushering?
244
00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:32,633
Fine.
Listen, I don't recall
245
00:12:32,634 --> 00:12:34,068
seeing you three come in.
246
00:12:34,069 --> 00:12:36,320
We like to keep
a low profile.
247
00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:38,505
We're celebrities.
248
00:12:39,908 --> 00:12:41,675
Enjoy the show.
249
00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,009
Hey, babe.
250
00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:00,111
Hey.
251
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:07,268
Wow. That's a nice pen
over here.
252
00:13:07,269 --> 00:13:09,353
Oh, yeah? Yeah, real nice. I like it.
253
00:13:09,354 --> 00:13:10,822
Well, good.
You can keep it.
254
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:12,473
Cool.
255
00:13:23,118 --> 00:13:25,185
Hey, babe,
why don't you come over here
256
00:13:25,186 --> 00:13:27,955
and read the sports section?
257
00:13:27,956 --> 00:13:30,258
Sounds good.
Just, uh,
258
00:13:30,259 --> 00:13:33,677
gonna grab a snack first.
Just getting a snack.
259
00:13:41,002 --> 00:13:43,203
Mm. So good.
260
00:14:20,491 --> 00:14:21,926
Oh, Doug?
261
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,377
Yeah?
262
00:14:23,378 --> 00:14:26,564
Don't forget to rub some
peanut butter on your wrists.
263
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:34,522
I like peanut butter.
264
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:36,974
I can't believe you.
265
00:14:36,975 --> 00:14:39,543
Sneaking around,
wearing the cologne
266
00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:42,280
that I specifically
asked you not to wear.
267
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:43,964
I only wore it
when you wouldn't be around,
268
00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:45,732
and then when I came home,
I washed it off,
269
00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:47,368
and I put on
the stuff you liked.
270
00:14:47,369 --> 00:14:49,036
I mean,
it never affected you.
271
00:14:49,037 --> 00:14:51,372
Oh, I see.
So if I went out
272
00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:52,807
and had an affair,
that'd be okay,
273
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,710
as long as
I washed afterwards?
274
00:14:55,711 --> 00:14:59,380
Absolutely. I assumed you've
been doing that for years.
275
00:14:59,381 --> 00:15:00,731
Doug,
this is not funny.
276
00:15:00,732 --> 00:15:02,550
Oh, come on.
277
00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:05,786
I know you want me to feel bad
about this, but I don't.
278
00:15:05,787 --> 00:15:07,755
Okay, you control every aspect
of my life,
279
00:15:07,756 --> 00:15:08,973
and I'm sick of it.
280
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,858
What? That's ridiculous.
281
00:15:10,859 --> 00:15:13,761
No, it isn't, Carrie.
You tell me what to wear,
282
00:15:13,762 --> 00:15:16,964
uh, what I can eat,
what presents to get for you,
283
00:15:16,965 --> 00:15:18,149
even what I say.
284
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,900
That is not true.
Oh, no?
285
00:15:19,901 --> 00:15:22,169
Then why aren't I allowed
to say the expression,
286
00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:25,106
"for all intensive
purposes," hm?
287
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:31,412
Because it's "intents
and purposes," moron.
288
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:33,247
Look, Doug, come-
289
00:15:33,248 --> 00:15:34,481
Honey, listen to me.
290
00:15:34,482 --> 00:15:37,001
I know you like
the cologne,
291
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:39,336
but I asked you not to wear it
out of respect for me,
292
00:15:39,337 --> 00:15:42,223
because that's what
respect.
293
00:15:42,224 --> 00:15:43,740
I'm the one
who has to sacrifice.
294
00:15:43,741 --> 00:15:45,092
That's what it feels like.
295
00:15:45,093 --> 00:15:46,243
That's not true.
296
00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:48,312
How about when we first met?
Huh?
297
00:15:48,313 --> 00:15:51,482
I had a certain look
that men found attractive.
298
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:53,233
Slutty?
299
00:15:54,535 --> 00:15:57,772
That was the look, yes.
300
00:15:57,773 --> 00:16:00,007
Point is, you told me
it made you insecure,
301
00:16:00,008 --> 00:16:01,192
so I gave it up.
302
00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:02,259
You should've given it up.
303
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:03,894
You looked like
a Van Halen groupie.
304
00:16:03,895 --> 00:16:05,696
And you used
so much hair spray,
305
00:16:05,697 --> 00:16:07,731
we couldn't light a match
for a week. It was like-
306
00:16:10,535 --> 00:16:14,121
The point is, Doug,
I stopped for you.
307
00:16:14,122 --> 00:16:16,874
You know what? I like this
cologne, and I'm taking a stand.
308
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:18,709
Oh, this is where
you're gonna take a stand,
309
00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,628
on how you smell?
310
00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:23,464
How about taking a stand on
securing our financial future,
311
00:16:23,465 --> 00:16:26,717
or finally getting healthy
so you can live past 40?
312
00:16:26,718 --> 00:16:29,770
Nah,
sticking with smell.
313
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,772
Okay, you know what, Doug?
You're right.
314
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,474
We shouldn't
control each other.
315
00:16:33,475 --> 00:16:35,910
You know, tomorrow night
is our 10th anniversary,
316
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:38,645
and I am going to have
dinner at Chez Henri,
317
00:16:38,646 --> 00:16:40,231
and you don't
even need to show up.
318
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:41,982
Oh. Oh, believe me,
I'm showing up.
319
00:16:41,983 --> 00:16:44,551
Five of those 10 years
are mine.
320
00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:48,689
And you know what?
For all intensive purposes,
321
00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:50,357
this conversation,
she's over.
322
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:52,943
Hey. Hey!
Ahh!
323
00:16:52,944 --> 00:16:54,545
Aah!
324
00:17:01,169 --> 00:17:04,472
Um, I'll take
the Sour Patch Kids.
325
00:17:04,473 --> 00:17:06,640
Okay, cross $4
off my tab, please.
326
00:17:06,641 --> 00:17:08,241
Yesterday these were $3.
327
00:17:08,242 --> 00:17:12,779
All right, fine.
Four dollars. Gosh.
328
00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:14,681
Okay, they're dimming
the lights.
329
00:17:14,682 --> 00:17:18,519
Usher's making
his last pass through.
330
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:37,254
Well, well, well.
What have we here?
331
00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:39,006
They made me do it.
He made us do it.
332
00:17:39,007 --> 00:17:41,008
I just wanted
my rent money.
333
00:17:41,009 --> 00:17:43,878
Let me ask you,
what tipped you off?
334
00:17:43,879 --> 00:17:45,212
I smelled that cologne.
335
00:17:45,213 --> 00:17:46,547
Oh, good going,
Arthur.
336
00:17:46,548 --> 00:17:48,615
It smells good.
What is that?
337
00:17:54,288 --> 00:17:55,923
If I scored you a bottle,
338
00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:58,224
would you let me
skate on this one?
339
00:18:13,108 --> 00:18:15,042
Good evening, sir.
340
00:18:15,043 --> 00:18:17,661
Hi. Heffernan,
party of two.
341
00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:19,629
Mm-hm.
My wife's coming from work,
342
00:18:19,630 --> 00:18:21,549
so she'll be here
in a couple minutes.
343
00:18:21,550 --> 00:18:22,749
Right this way.
344
00:18:25,253 --> 00:18:26,653
I see you
noticing the boots.
345
00:18:26,654 --> 00:18:27,922
Heh, heh. Yes.
346
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:30,691
Yeah. It's gonna make
a little statement,
347
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:33,677
you know?
Show the wife who's boss.
348
00:18:33,678 --> 00:18:36,196
How delightful.
Yes.
349
00:18:43,104 --> 00:18:45,139
Okay.
350
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,943
Ahem. Thank you.
Yes.
351
00:18:50,278 --> 00:18:52,029
You look nice.
352
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,498
Yeah, you know what?
I feel nice.
353
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:57,451
Kind of takes me back
to when we first met.
354
00:18:57,452 --> 00:18:59,369
Right. It's like
a stroll down memory lane.
355
00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:00,454
Yeah-
356
00:19:02,590 --> 00:19:06,093
Oh.
I see you found them.
357
00:19:06,094 --> 00:19:08,095
Yes, I did.
358
00:19:08,096 --> 00:19:10,764
By the way, there's
a dead squirrel in the attic.
359
00:19:10,765 --> 00:19:13,584
Good to know.
360
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:14,852
Oh, you know what?
361
00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:17,388
I feel like I'm losing
a little height here.
362
00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:21,108
Ahem. I'll just go ahead
and fix that right now.
363
00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:23,777
Carrie, don't you do that.
364
00:19:23,778 --> 00:19:25,095
I will do it.
365
00:19:25,096 --> 00:19:29,483
And don't you control me,
Doug. Heh.
366
00:19:29,484 --> 00:19:30,834
Okay. You want
to play it that way?
367
00:19:30,835 --> 00:19:32,286
Yeah.
You know what?
368
00:19:32,287 --> 00:19:37,157
Feeling a little low
on DeMali.
369
00:19:37,158 --> 00:19:38,992
Don't be ridiculous.
Oh, is that ridiculous?
370
00:19:38,993 --> 00:19:41,611
Yeah.
Mm-mm-mm-mm. Mm.
371
00:19:41,612 --> 00:19:43,430
Oh, really? Okay.
372
00:19:43,431 --> 00:19:45,216
Oh, please.
Please don't do this.
373
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:46,483
I'll do it.
Stop yourself.
374
00:19:46,484 --> 00:19:48,118
Yeah, look at that, huh?
375
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,471
Ooh, your menu's stinky.
Stop being ridiculous.
376
00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:52,072
Aah! Ow!
377
00:19:56,861 --> 00:19:59,029
Aah.
378
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:07,655
What are we
doing here, Doug?
379
00:20:07,656 --> 00:20:10,440
I can't see.
380
00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:15,095
Honey, look,
381
00:20:15,096 --> 00:20:17,864
I'm sorry if I
come off controlling,
382
00:20:17,865 --> 00:20:19,233
it's just because
I love you,
383
00:20:19,234 --> 00:20:20,901
and I just want
what's best for you.
384
00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:25,589
I love you too.
I'm sorry, Car.
385
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:28,107
How about this?
386
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,297
If I go back
to my old cologne,
387
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,215
can I get
my PlayStation back?
388
00:20:35,216 --> 00:20:36,967
Will the boots
go back in the attic?
389
00:20:36,968 --> 00:20:38,719
Soon as you
get rid of the squirrel.
390
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,387
Deal.
391
00:20:40,388 --> 00:20:42,056
Okay.
392
00:20:42,057 --> 00:20:43,357
Happy anniversary.
393
00:20:43,358 --> 00:20:45,909
Happy anniversary.
I love you.
394
00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:47,811
Let's just
have a nice meal.
395
00:20:47,812 --> 00:20:49,513
Okay.
396
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:51,581
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to ask you to leave.
397
00:20:51,582 --> 00:20:53,517
Yeah, saw it coming. Okay. Okay.
398
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:56,353
All right. Sorry about that. Yeah.
399
00:21:00,024 --> 00:21:01,742
Ah.
400
00:21:01,743 --> 00:21:02,943
Here you go, sir.
401
00:21:02,944 --> 00:21:04,845
I'll take that
when you're ready.
402
00:21:08,550 --> 00:21:11,719
So have you
enjoyed your dinner?
403
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,337
Oh, it was fabulous,
Arthur.
404
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:14,538
Best meal I ever had.
405
00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:16,440
It's the least I can do
after letting you two
406
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:18,175
take the fall
at the movie theater.
407
00:21:18,176 --> 00:21:19,927
Well, this more
than makes up for it.
408
00:21:19,928 --> 00:21:21,729
As far as I'm concerned,
we are even.
409
00:21:21,730 --> 00:21:23,197
Yeah,
your slate is clean.
410
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:24,932
Good.
411
00:21:26,017 --> 00:21:27,968
Now every man for himself.
29107
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