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1
00:00:05,154 --> 00:00:07,021
Wow.
2
00:00:07,022 --> 00:00:10,024
Do you know what Ayatollah
Khomeini's first name was?
3
00:00:10,025 --> 00:00:11,376
What?
4
00:00:11,377 --> 00:00:14,463
Ruhollah.
5
00:00:14,464 --> 00:00:17,015
So?
What'd you think it was?
6
00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:17,899
Ayatollah.
7
00:00:20,403 --> 00:00:22,671
Ayatollah's not a name.
It's a title.
8
00:00:22,672 --> 00:00:23,571
Pffft!
9
00:00:26,358 --> 00:00:27,492
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
10
00:00:27,493 --> 00:00:30,161
Did you just
give me a 'Pffft'?
11
00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:31,596
Like I'm some kind
of idiot
12
00:00:31,597 --> 00:00:33,982
for thinking that Ayatollah
could be a first name?
13
00:00:33,983 --> 00:00:36,868
Ok, you're not an idiot.
It's just not a name, ok?
14
00:00:36,869 --> 00:00:39,170
Oh, really? It just so
happens that I played
15
00:00:39,171 --> 00:00:41,272
high-school baseball
with a guy named Ayatollah.
16
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:43,742
Really?
17
00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:44,659
Yep.
18
00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:49,180
Ayatollah Rodriguez.
19
00:00:49,181 --> 00:00:51,500
That's funny. You never
mentioned him before.
20
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,752
Really?
I never mentioned Tollie?
21
00:00:55,554 --> 00:00:58,322
That's weird, 'cause we
were pretty tight.
22
00:00:58,323 --> 00:01:01,092
I actually took his sister
Beth to the junior prom.
23
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,064
Doug, I'm gonna make you
an offer, okay?
24
00:01:06,065 --> 00:01:08,033
Stop talking right now,
25
00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:12,137
and we can pretend
this never happened.
26
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,738
I'm not gonna pretend
my best friend
27
00:01:13,739 --> 00:01:15,773
from high school
never happened.
28
00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,951
Hello?
29
00:01:26,952 --> 00:01:30,488
Yes, hello. This is, uh,
Ayatollah Rodriguez.
30
00:01:30,489 --> 00:01:32,890
Is my old high-school
baseball friend, Doug, there?
31
00:01:32,891 --> 00:01:34,158
Oy.
32
00:02:24,393 --> 00:02:26,994
Explain to me
what I'm looking at?
33
00:02:30,365 --> 00:02:32,483
Before you judge me,
34
00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:34,469
let me walk you
through it.
35
00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:38,573
I settled in,
I started eating,
36
00:02:38,574 --> 00:02:40,909
and then I realized I didn't
have a place to put the bones.
37
00:02:42,277 --> 00:02:44,445
I didn't want to put 'em
on the sheets,
38
00:02:44,446 --> 00:02:47,749
'cause you made it very clear
you don't like that.
39
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:51,820
Long story short,
40
00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,287
I've invented the shirt plate.
41
00:02:54,790 --> 00:02:58,210
Doug, I left dinner for you
in the refrigerator.
44
00:03:01,547 --> 00:03:04,215
Oh, I thought that said
"Dog's dinner. "
45
00:03:05,617 --> 00:03:08,386
I figured you were
surprising me with a puppy.
46
00:03:08,387 --> 00:03:09,688
Come on.
This isn't funny.
47
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,022
You're telling me.
48
00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:13,225
All day long, I thought
I was getting a puppy.
49
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,827
Honey, you promised me
you would stick to your diet.
50
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:18,480
Aren't you at all
concerned about your health?
51
00:03:18,481 --> 00:03:21,416
I'll tell you what
I am concerned about.
52
00:03:21,417 --> 00:03:24,569
My blue cheese cup am empty.
53
00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:25,520
Ow!
54
00:03:26,322 --> 00:03:27,722
Carrie!
55
00:03:33,829 --> 00:03:36,280
Look at this.
Low-fat mayo, cottage cheese,
56
00:03:36,281 --> 00:03:37,949
garden burgers, all untouched.
57
00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:40,418
Why do I even bother
buying this stuff?
58
00:03:40,419 --> 00:03:41,853
That's what
I've been saying!
59
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:43,338
Ow!
60
00:03:43,339 --> 00:03:45,340
You gotta find a new go-to move.
61
00:03:46,509 --> 00:03:48,025
Doug, it's just so frustrating.
62
00:03:48,026 --> 00:03:49,494
I mean over and over again,
63
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,295
you promise me you're
gonna lose weight,
64
00:03:51,296 --> 00:03:52,563
and then you actually do it,
65
00:03:52,564 --> 00:03:53,731
and then I'm so proud of you,
66
00:03:53,732 --> 00:03:56,033
and then every single time,
without fail,
67
00:03:56,034 --> 00:03:58,135
you fall off the wagon.
68
00:03:58,136 --> 00:03:59,470
And then you eat the wagon.
69
00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:02,774
Calm down. I'll be fine.
70
00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:04,058
Doug, you're not fine, okay?
71
00:04:04,059 --> 00:04:05,527
Your eating is out of control.
72
00:04:05,528 --> 00:04:07,478
Would you back it off?
Yeah, fine, fine.
73
00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:09,881
I will back off.
Okay, 'cause I am tired
74
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,699
of banging my head against
the wall.
75
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:13,050
W- You know what?
Here, here.
76
00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:14,519
Have cookies for dinner, okay?
77
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,887
I give up.
I officially give up.
78
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,054
You happy?
79
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,098
What are you doing?!
80
00:04:27,099 --> 00:04:28,499
You said you gave up!
81
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:34,806
I'm telling you, Doug,
as soon as I heard
82
00:04:34,807 --> 00:04:36,474
about this overeaters
support group,
83
00:04:36,475 --> 00:04:38,443
I had a really good
feeling about it.
84
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,313
And I've got a bad feeling.
It's called hunger.
85
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,531
We just had
a delicious dinner.
86
00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:44,649
It was salmon.
87
00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:46,484
Salmon's delicious.
The hell it is.
88
00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:48,419
The only people
who like salmon are bears.
89
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:53,407
Okay, Doug, you really
need this group, okay?
90
00:04:53,408 --> 00:04:55,376
And, listen, you're
gonna be meeting people
91
00:04:55,377 --> 00:04:58,380
who are struggling with
the same things you are.
92
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,731
It's gonna be me and a roomful
of big, fat losers!
93
00:05:00,732 --> 00:05:02,367
Now that is not true.
94
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:05,670
Okay, they may be big,
but they are not losers.
95
00:05:05,671 --> 00:05:07,555
I bet you
they're really cool.
96
00:05:07,556 --> 00:05:09,590
Yeah, that guy they had
to cut out of his apartment,
97
00:05:09,591 --> 00:05:10,792
he's super cool.
98
00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:15,446
Well, in a way, he was.
99
00:05:15,447 --> 00:05:17,248
I mean we're talking
about him right now.
100
00:05:17,249 --> 00:05:18,249
And that's cool.
101
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:19,617
I don't want to do this,
come on.
102
00:05:19,618 --> 00:05:20,618
Honey, You have to go.
103
00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:22,437
I don't.
You do. Doug...
104
00:05:22,438 --> 00:05:23,504
Sometimes when you look at me,
105
00:05:23,505 --> 00:05:25,240
I think you're seeing a giant
pork chop
106
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:26,691
with my head on it.
107
00:05:26,692 --> 00:05:28,092
With your head on it?
108
00:05:28,093 --> 00:05:29,694
Get over yourself.
109
00:05:29,695 --> 00:05:31,079
All right, go.
110
00:05:41,306 --> 00:05:42,474
Is there even any dip?
111
00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:02,626
Okay, people, let's get started.
112
00:06:02,627 --> 00:06:04,896
You there. You're new.
113
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,197
What's your name?
114
00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:08,950
Me? Uh, Doug.
115
00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:10,952
Welcome, Doug.
I'm Neil.
116
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:11,786
Please, join us.
117
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:14,889
Is this how to hem
your own pants?
118
00:06:17,993 --> 00:06:20,578
No, Doug.
This is a group for men
119
00:06:20,579 --> 00:06:22,013
in abusive relationships.
120
00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:29,086
Oh, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be here.
121
00:06:29,087 --> 00:06:30,705
I'll put these back.
122
00:06:30,706 --> 00:06:33,291
Except for this one,'cause I put
a thumb print in it already.
123
00:06:33,959 --> 00:06:35,310
Doug,
Yeah?
124
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,028
We all know what
you're going through.
125
00:06:37,847 --> 00:06:39,431
You're scared.
126
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,732
You don't want to admit
there's a problem,
127
00:06:41,733 --> 00:06:44,735
but you were brave enough
to come here tonight.
128
00:06:44,736 --> 00:06:47,338
Be brave enough to stay.
129
00:06:47,339 --> 00:06:48,956
Really, I, uh-
130
00:06:48,957 --> 00:06:50,391
I don't belong here.
131
00:06:50,392 --> 00:06:51,776
We all felt that way
at first, Doug.
132
00:06:51,777 --> 00:06:53,010
Yeah, it's true.
133
00:06:57,950 --> 00:07:01,235
So, why are
you here tonight?
134
00:07:01,236 --> 00:07:02,970
You had doughnuts.
135
00:07:06,091 --> 00:07:08,226
And who doesn't let you
have doughnuts, Doug?
136
00:07:10,378 --> 00:07:11,713
My wife.
But the thing is-
137
00:07:11,714 --> 00:07:14,549
Does she ever yell at you
about eating doughnuts?
138
00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:16,351
Yeah.
139
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:19,070
Does it ever get physical?
140
00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:22,106
Hit you, slap you,
throw things at you?
141
00:07:22,107 --> 00:07:23,808
Yesterday
she... twisted my nipples.
142
00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:33,902
And does all of her anger
just make you want to eat more?
143
00:07:33,903 --> 00:07:34,669
Okay.
144
00:07:36,739 --> 00:07:40,474
No, it's not okay, Doug.
145
00:07:40,475 --> 00:07:42,877
But it's how you get by,
isn't it?
146
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:46,965
So you're saying...
147
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,300
my overeating is...
her fault.
148
00:07:51,754 --> 00:07:53,805
I think that's what
you're saying, Doug.
149
00:07:57,609 --> 00:07:59,911
Then she comes in
like hell on wheels,
150
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:01,445
"You're so fat!"
151
00:08:01,446 --> 00:08:02,880
"Don't eat that
off your chest!
152
00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:05,516
I can't believe
you're so fat!"
153
00:08:05,517 --> 00:08:07,685
She wonders
why I gain weight.
154
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:10,104
I mean, maybe it's 'cause
all the names she calls me.
155
00:08:10,105 --> 00:08:11,171
You know. Fatty. Chunky.
156
00:08:11,172 --> 00:08:12,390
Sir Eats-a-Lot.
157
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:15,860
So she starts yelling
at the waiter.
158
00:08:15,861 --> 00:08:18,162
Now... I can't look
at the poor guy,
159
00:08:18,163 --> 00:08:20,564
and I... certainly can't
look at her,
160
00:08:20,565 --> 00:08:22,250
so I look down at my plate.
161
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,101
Hello, jambalaya.
162
00:08:24,102 --> 00:08:25,770
You won't twist
my nipples, will you?
163
00:08:27,656 --> 00:08:30,458
Mr. Big-pants.
164
00:08:30,459 --> 00:08:32,727
Fat Damon.
165
00:08:32,728 --> 00:08:33,977
Enormo the clown.
166
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,880
Enormo.
167
00:08:37,882 --> 00:08:39,917
You know what?
My name is Doug.
168
00:08:40,485 --> 00:08:43,020
Just Doug.
169
00:08:46,258 --> 00:08:48,559
It's just Doug.
170
00:08:51,513 --> 00:08:53,864
Hey, baby.
How'd it go tonight?
171
00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:55,116
It was good.
172
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,868
Have you been crying?
173
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:57,902
A little.
174
00:08:57,903 --> 00:09:00,237
You get into
some stuff in there.
175
00:09:00,238 --> 00:09:03,074
Oh, honey.
I am so proud of you.
176
00:09:07,746 --> 00:09:09,297
Hey!
177
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,281
Moron, watch
where you're going!
178
00:09:12,801 --> 00:09:15,820
Magoo, mooooove!
179
00:09:21,309 --> 00:09:23,343
Friggin' idiot.
180
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,571
I really appreciate
you checking up on me, Neil,
181
00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:34,739
but I'm doing all right.
182
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,340
Yeah, she's gonna
be home any minute,
183
00:09:36,341 --> 00:09:38,042
so I can't stay
on the phone much longer.
184
00:09:40,078 --> 00:09:42,246
Yes.
No, I'll be at the meeting.
185
00:09:42,247 --> 00:09:44,282
All right then.
I'll see you-
186
00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:46,250
What's that?
Oh, yeah.
187
00:09:46,251 --> 00:09:48,236
I will not let
the rage of others
188
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:49,987
destroy the light in me.
189
00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:50,955
Okay.
190
00:09:53,325 --> 00:09:55,893
Hey, Doug, I'm just dropping off
Arthur's bill,
191
00:09:55,894 --> 00:09:58,595
but I couldn't help
overhearing your conversation.
192
00:09:58,596 --> 00:09:59,764
Are you an alcoholic?
193
00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:02,816
No.
194
00:10:02,817 --> 00:10:05,069
Oh, me, neither.
195
00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:08,773
So, w- What was that
all about?
196
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,693
Oh, it's a, uh, long story,
but it turns out
197
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,112
it's Carrie's anger
that makes me eat so much.
198
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,648
No!
Yeah, I was surprised, too.
199
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:18,149
Wow. How about that?
200
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,268
This whole time, she had me
convinced it was my fault,
201
00:10:20,269 --> 00:10:22,437
but my support group
helped me realize
202
00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:25,456
that Carrie's bad temper
is the problem.
203
00:10:25,457 --> 00:10:29,077
She drives me straight
into the loving arms of food.
204
00:10:29,078 --> 00:10:30,077
Maybe that's what happened
205
00:10:30,078 --> 00:10:31,745
with my brother and his wife.
206
00:10:31,746 --> 00:10:33,247
Except that
she drove him straight
207
00:10:33,248 --> 00:10:34,748
into the loving arms
of their nanny.
208
00:10:39,204 --> 00:10:41,556
I'm gonna kill our pharmacist!
209
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,440
Oh, God.
210
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:43,841
Come.
Through the back door.
211
00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:44,842
We'll drive all night.
212
00:10:44,843 --> 00:10:46,511
Come!
213
00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:47,545
Hey, Car.
214
00:10:47,546 --> 00:10:48,846
Hey.
215
00:10:48,847 --> 00:10:52,116
So, I go to pick up my
prescription from the pharmacy,
216
00:10:52,117 --> 00:10:54,518
and I'm in line
for like 20 freaking minutes,
217
00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:57,621
because the pharmacist
is a million years old.
218
00:10:57,622 --> 00:10:59,307
Then I finally get
to the front of the line,
219
00:10:59,308 --> 00:11:04,495
and Rip van Senile says,
"That'll be $98."
220
00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:06,630
And I go, "No, our
insurance covers this. ",
221
00:11:06,631 --> 00:11:08,632
and he says,
"No, it doesn't. "
222
00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:10,100
I just-
I hate old people.
223
00:11:11,286 --> 00:11:13,054
Where's our insurance bill?
224
00:11:13,055 --> 00:11:14,789
Um, maybe it's upstairs.
225
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,824
Why would it be upstairs?
Did you put it there?
226
00:11:16,825 --> 00:11:20,161
No, I- I was just trying
to help you out.
227
00:11:20,162 --> 00:11:22,596
Why are you
acting so weird?
228
00:11:22,597 --> 00:11:24,215
I'm sorry.
229
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:26,601
What are you sorry about?
230
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,169
I don't know.
231
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:30,404
Well, just help me find it.
232
00:11:32,774 --> 00:11:34,608
You poor man.
233
00:12:55,073 --> 00:12:56,206
Hi, honey.
Hey,
234
00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:57,475
I'm headin' out.
235
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,677
Oh, you have your, uh, support
group tonight?
236
00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:00,678
Yes, I do.
237
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:01,712
I gotta tell you, Doug,
238
00:13:01,713 --> 00:13:03,547
I am really proud
of you, honey.
239
00:13:03,548 --> 00:13:05,700
I mean, I know it was the last
thing you wanted to do,
240
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,351
but you did it,
and you stuck with it,
241
00:13:07,352 --> 00:13:12,740
and now look at you.
242
00:13:12,741 --> 00:13:14,659
Doug?
Yeah?
243
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,727
Are you, um...
244
00:13:16,728 --> 00:13:17,694
getting fatter?
245
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,083
No.
246
00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:27,821
No? 'cause it seems like you're
much more... fatter.
247
00:13:27,822 --> 00:13:30,842
Can't be. I've been going to my
overeaters group for weeks.
248
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,728
Are you sure they're not
teaching you how to overeat?
249
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,046
Ah- You know what it is?
250
00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:39,183
They told me I'd gain weight
before I lose it.
251
00:13:39,184 --> 00:13:40,451
Actually, that's their motto.
252
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:42,520
"You'll gain weight before
you lose it. "
253
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,571
That's a bad motto.
Mmm. Well, they're fat.
254
00:13:44,572 --> 00:13:46,556
They're not Shakespeare.
I'll see you later.
255
00:13:46,557 --> 00:13:49,309
Hey, uh, what do you talk about
at these classes?
256
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:51,045
I mean, what gets said?
257
00:13:51,046 --> 00:13:52,496
What do you mean?
258
00:13:52,497 --> 00:13:55,066
Well, what's supposed
to motivate you to lose weight?
259
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:56,917
Oh, well first class,
we talked about
260
00:13:56,918 --> 00:14:00,154
famous fat people,
like Marlon Brando
261
00:14:00,155 --> 00:14:04,341
and that lady
from The Practice.
262
00:14:04,342 --> 00:14:05,877
What's the point
of that?
263
00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:07,278
It just gets us
to feel like,
264
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:08,979
"Hey, you know,
maybe you're fat,
265
00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:12,466
but famous people are fat, too. "
266
00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:13,801
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
267
00:14:13,802 --> 00:14:15,136
What else?
268
00:14:15,137 --> 00:14:16,654
Uh, well, the second day,
obviously,
269
00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:18,405
we talked about
famous skinny people,
270
00:14:18,406 --> 00:14:21,108
like that other lady
from The Practice.
271
00:14:21,109 --> 00:14:24,512
And, uh... Stan Laurel.
272
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,064
Stan Laurel?
273
00:14:27,065 --> 00:14:29,817
Yeah, it gives us a goal
of what we want to look like.
274
00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:33,204
And you want to look
like Stan Laurel?
275
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,989
Hey, from your lips
to God's ears, huh?
276
00:14:34,990 --> 00:14:37,908
All right.
277
00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:54,258
Excuse me.
278
00:14:54,259 --> 00:14:56,677
Is, uh, Doug Heffernan here?
279
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:57,895
Who?
280
00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:00,064
Doug Heffernan.
He's in this class.
281
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,316
No, we don't have
anyone named Doug here.
282
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:05,019
Isn't this the overeaters
support group?
283
00:15:05,020 --> 00:15:08,088
No, this is
Jazzercise.
284
00:15:08,089 --> 00:15:09,123
Why do you
have to hurt?
285
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,080
You know what it is?
286
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,014
You gotta continuously
remind yourself,
287
00:15:18,015 --> 00:15:19,867
it's not your fault.
288
00:15:19,868 --> 00:15:22,002
Oh, my god.
This is made with real butter.
289
00:15:26,524 --> 00:15:29,043
Hello, Doug.
290
00:15:29,044 --> 00:15:30,211
Carrie.
291
00:15:30,212 --> 00:15:31,145
Oh, God.
292
00:15:34,365 --> 00:15:36,600
Maury, this is, uh,
my wife, Carrie.
293
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:37,834
Hello.
294
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,974
Okay, you have 5 seconds
295
00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:45,609
to tell me
what's going on here.
296
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:48,011
What's going on here is
I'm in the middle
297
00:15:48,012 --> 00:15:49,730
of my overeaters group.
298
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:52,916
Doug, you're eating cake.
299
00:15:54,319 --> 00:15:56,386
Yes, but what
you didn't see is
300
00:15:56,387 --> 00:15:58,622
we eat the cake while looking
at a picture of Hitler.
301
00:16:01,159 --> 00:16:03,461
That's how they get us
to hate cake.
302
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:06,213
Yuck!
303
00:16:06,214 --> 00:16:08,582
Okay, what is going on?
What group is this?
304
00:16:08,583 --> 00:16:10,418
All right.
It might be a class
305
00:16:10,419 --> 00:16:12,719
for men in abusive
relationships.
306
00:16:14,439 --> 00:16:16,039
What?
307
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,974
Yeah, that's right.
308
00:16:17,975 --> 00:16:21,145
I came for the doughnuts,
but I stayed for the insights.
309
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:22,930
What insights?
310
00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:25,482
Well, I learned that...
311
00:16:25,483 --> 00:16:28,019
your anger makes me eat.
312
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:30,271
What?!
313
00:16:30,272 --> 00:16:31,288
That's right.
314
00:16:31,289 --> 00:16:33,256
Whenever you get mad,
you start yelling at me,
315
00:16:33,257 --> 00:16:35,526
I need an escape,
so I turn to food.
316
00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:36,527
That makes you my-
317
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:37,911
What do you
call her again?
318
00:16:37,912 --> 00:16:39,697
Your behavior
catalyst.
319
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:40,797
Behavior catalyst, okay?
320
00:16:40,798 --> 00:16:42,799
So if you want to blame
somebody for my weight,
321
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,968
maybe you should take
a hard look in the mirror.
322
00:16:47,839 --> 00:16:49,640
You're a lying
sack of crap.
323
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:53,977
Great.
Now I'm hungry.
324
00:16:53,978 --> 00:16:55,379
Carrie...
325
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:57,447
I'm Neil. Welcome.
Mm-hmm.
326
00:16:57,448 --> 00:16:58,915
Doug is simply
trying to break
327
00:16:58,916 --> 00:17:02,103
a cycle of verbal
and physical abuse.
328
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,687
Physical abuse?
329
00:17:03,688 --> 00:17:05,890
He told you that
I physically abuse him?
330
00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:08,625
He told us
about everything, Carrie.
331
00:17:08,626 --> 00:17:11,361
The purple nurples.
332
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:12,596
The atomic wedgies.
333
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,817
That scar on his arm.
334
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:20,170
You got that scar from a
hot-dog eating contest!
335
00:17:20,171 --> 00:17:22,472
Yeah, a hot-dog eating contest
I only entered because
336
00:17:22,473 --> 00:17:23,657
you're so mean!
337
00:17:23,658 --> 00:17:25,092
Oh, really?
338
00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:27,495
And did you also set a new
record 'cause I'm so mean?
339
00:17:27,496 --> 00:17:28,478
Could be.
340
00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:31,999
Let me ask you
something, Neil.
341
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,467
Did he happen to mention
that he was fat
342
00:17:34,468 --> 00:17:35,669
the day that I met him?
343
00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:36,971
Well, no.
No.
344
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:38,889
Because he was.
345
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,524
Yeah, what were you
then?
346
00:17:40,525 --> 00:17:42,176
Huh?
High two hundreds?
347
00:17:42,177 --> 00:17:45,962
No, not high.
Mid to high.
348
00:17:45,963 --> 00:17:47,747
And did he also
happen to mention
349
00:17:47,748 --> 00:17:49,934
that he was the biggest
kid in nursery school?
350
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:52,436
That all the other parents
thought he was a teacher?
351
00:17:54,089 --> 00:17:55,356
No.
352
00:17:55,357 --> 00:17:59,159
No. Tell him about
the special desk, Doug.
353
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,243
All right, fine!
354
00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:01,612
So maybe I was fat when
I met you,
355
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,831
but you know what?
You're still an angry person.
356
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:06,667
Well, I'm angry because
you're always eating.
357
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:08,953
And I'm always eating
'cause you're always angry.
358
00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:11,638
Okay, looks like we have a
little chicken-and-egg thing
359
00:18:11,639 --> 00:18:13,240
going on right now.
360
00:18:13,241 --> 00:18:16,627
Oh, I bet you want to have
chicken and eggs now, huh?
361
00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:17,828
Okay, that's it.
You know what?
362
00:18:17,829 --> 00:18:19,162
I'll go to
my overeaters group
363
00:18:19,163 --> 00:18:20,881
if you go to
an anger management group.
364
00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:22,983
I don't need
anger management.
365
00:18:22,984 --> 00:18:25,002
Oh, really? Well why don't you
tell that to Maury,
366
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:26,137
who you almost ran over,
367
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:27,705
or that pharmacist who
you yelled at,
368
00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:29,056
or that librarian
you got fired?
369
00:18:29,057 --> 00:18:30,941
All right, okay,
sometimes I get mad,
370
00:18:30,942 --> 00:18:32,576
but that's only
because I have to.
371
00:18:32,577 --> 00:18:34,979
Oh, really? Why don't you tell
that to the sidewalk Santa
372
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:37,064
that you cursed out
last Christmas?
373
00:18:37,065 --> 00:18:38,332
Let me tell you something.
374
00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:40,567
If it'll make you go down
a couple of neck sizes,
375
00:18:40,568 --> 00:18:42,436
I will go to anger management.
376
00:18:42,437 --> 00:18:45,238
Great, 'cause they have a class
going on upstairs right now.
377
00:18:45,239 --> 00:18:47,408
Well, I'll go if you'll go to
your overeaters group.
378
00:18:47,409 --> 00:18:48,375
Fine!
Let's do it!
379
00:18:48,376 --> 00:18:49,760
Let's do it!
380
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:51,394
This is for
the chicken-and-egg crack.
381
00:19:08,145 --> 00:19:10,313
This is great. We haven't had
date night in a while.
382
00:19:10,314 --> 00:19:11,515
I know.
Well, we deserve it.
383
00:19:11,516 --> 00:19:13,149
I mean, you're
sticking to your diet.
384
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:14,318
Got my rice cakes.
385
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,854
And, uh. I've mellowed out.
386
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:18,489
It's-it's much better.
387
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:19,756
Much better.
388
00:19:19,757 --> 00:19:22,743
And my nipples
have healed up nicely.
389
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:25,128
Those are taken.
390
00:19:25,129 --> 00:19:26,197
Oh, okay. Excuse me.
391
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,265
Uh, uh, uh. Those, too.
392
00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:30,084
All the way down
to that guy.
393
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:35,071
Okay, one guy saving 20 seats.
394
00:19:35,072 --> 00:19:37,341
No law against that.
395
00:19:40,979 --> 00:19:42,263
See? How good was I?
396
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:43,747
That was very good.
397
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:46,967
But where are we gonna sit?
398
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:49,953
Never sat in the front
row before.
399
00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:50,887
Me, neither.
400
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:56,826
Mmm.
401
00:19:57,695 --> 00:19:58,962
Plain.
402
00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:04,301
Tell me if anything good
happens over there.
403
00:20:04,302 --> 00:20:05,568
Right.
404
00:20:18,999 --> 00:20:20,200
Yeah, I think it's great
405
00:20:20,201 --> 00:20:22,369
that we're trying
to improve ourselves.
406
00:20:22,370 --> 00:20:24,604
Oh, yeah.
407
00:20:24,605 --> 00:20:26,506
I just think that
all these improvements
408
00:20:26,507 --> 00:20:29,260
are upsetting
our balance as a couple.
409
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:30,944
Yeah. Something's
a little off, right?
410
00:20:30,945 --> 00:20:34,098
I mean,
what should we do?
411
00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:37,518
Well, I'm just gonna throw
this out at you, okay?
412
00:20:37,519 --> 00:20:39,653
What if I were to, uh,
let you eat these Milk Duds?
413
00:20:39,654 --> 00:20:41,522
Would you let me go back
there to the seats
414
00:20:41,523 --> 00:20:42,589
we're supposed to be in,
415
00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:44,491
and drop-kick that
douche into the lobby?
416
00:20:46,728 --> 00:20:48,996
I didn't hear a word
after "Milk Duds. "
417
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,830
Thank God.
418
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:58,038
What, do you
own the movie theater?
419
00:20:58,039 --> 00:21:00,924
Move the coat, or I'm
gonna shove it down your throat!
420
00:21:00,925 --> 00:21:01,992
There you go.
421
00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:09,066
Check it out.
422
00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:12,002
I made a Milk Dud sandwich.
423
00:21:12,003 --> 00:21:13,003
It's a dudwich.
424
00:21:15,189 --> 00:21:17,925
Ron was supposed to be
saving these seats for us.
425
00:21:20,428 --> 00:21:21,595
You're up again.
426
00:21:23,030 --> 00:21:24,598
You're all gonna die.
29590
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