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1
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:33,064
Morning, Douglas.
2
00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:36,318
What you got going on
there, greased lightning?
3
00:00:36,386 --> 00:00:38,637
It happens to be called style.
4
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:42,107
As the entertainment director
at the senior center,
5
00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:45,444
it's important that I
maintain a certain image.
6
00:00:45,511 --> 00:00:48,096
Well, if you're trying for
the Stuart little look,
7
00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:50,165
you nailed it.
8
00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:53,352
I'm not going to let your little
gibes get to me, Douglas,
9
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:57,756
because I just booked one of the
greatest singers of all time-
10
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,991
Ava St. Clair.
11
00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:01,176
Who?
12
00:01:01,244 --> 00:01:02,527
Ava St. Clair,
13
00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:04,529
the youngest of the St.
Clair sisters!
14
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:08,500
Oh, the youngest, yeah,
never heard of her.
15
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,686
Of course you have.
16
00:01:10,753 --> 00:01:12,221
Remember her big hit?
17
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:13,722
My candy store's closed
18
00:01:13,790 --> 00:01:15,224
that's how it's gonna be
19
00:01:19,796 --> 00:01:22,030
still nothing.
20
00:01:22,098 --> 00:01:26,285
Hermione Gingold did a
hilarious parody version!
21
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,936
Ok, stop saying names
I never heard,
22
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:31,523
and you're not using those breath
strips I gave you, are you?
23
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,976
Deacon, what's the first
thing you think of
24
00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:37,446
when I say, "lick my lollipop"?
25
00:01:37,513 --> 00:01:40,916
Um...
26
00:01:40,983 --> 00:01:42,184
No.
27
00:01:44,988 --> 00:01:46,088
Hey, I grabbed
your mail for you.
28
00:01:46,156 --> 00:01:48,907
Oh, thanks.
29
00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,679
What the heck is this?
30
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:54,713
"We are pleased to inform you
31
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,014
"that your apartment
in Stuyvesant Towers
32
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:57,249
"has become available.
33
00:01:57,316 --> 00:02:01,152
You have 30 days from the
above date to respond."
34
00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:02,588
You guys moving to Manhattan?
35
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:04,155
No.
36
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:07,159
Oh, my God.
37
00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:09,762
This is from when, like,
we first got married.
38
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,115
Yeah, it's a one-bedroom,
39
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:14,433
laundry's in the basement,
40
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,084
and you get full
doorman service.
41
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:18,554
Let me just take this.
42
00:02:22,592 --> 00:02:24,126
How great is this?
43
00:02:24,194 --> 00:02:25,861
And I think it's some kind
of rent control-y thing,
44
00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:28,330
so we can actually afford it.
45
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,882
Yeah, it's just kinda
small, isn't it?
46
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,583
Yes, of course it is.
It's Manhattan.
47
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,751
But you know what?
48
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:35,187
We're right across the
street from the park.
49
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,588
And you said you wanted
to start training
50
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:37,656
for your marathon, right?
51
00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:38,857
Yeah, it's 3 weeks away,
52
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,993
I don't want to peak too early.
53
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:41,993
You know what else
they do in the park?
54
00:02:42,061 --> 00:02:44,596
They have this whole
Shakespeare festival.
55
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,281
I mean, we could watch
it from our window!
56
00:02:46,349 --> 00:02:48,233
Carrie, you know me, I'm
all over Shakespeare,
57
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,002
but wouldn't it
be more practical
58
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,770
to get a place out in Queens?
59
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,272
This way we have a
house, we got our yard.
60
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,357
You know, we'll be
near our friends.
61
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,726
We can get a dog with,
like, half a tail.
62
00:02:56,793 --> 00:02:58,560
I always feel bad
for those guys.
63
00:02:58,628 --> 00:03:00,579
Come on, let's go check
out the bedroom.
64
00:03:03,967 --> 00:03:06,035
Man, she's really got a thing
for living in the city.
65
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,070
Well, I should tell you
this unit's rented,
66
00:03:08,137 --> 00:03:10,873
and the waiting list for this
building is pretty long.
67
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,908
How long?
68
00:03:12,976 --> 00:03:15,411
Believe it or not,
could be 5, 10 years.
69
00:03:15,479 --> 00:03:16,846
Who knows?
70
00:03:16,913 --> 00:03:18,247
Really?
71
00:03:23,202 --> 00:03:24,920
So, you really want this, huh?
72
00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:29,375
Yeah, it's always been my dream.
73
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:33,379
Well, then I say we do it.
74
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,680
Really? You would
do this for me?
75
00:03:35,748 --> 00:03:38,267
Carrie, you're my wife now.
76
00:03:38,334 --> 00:03:42,438
So, that means your
dream is my dream.
77
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:48,060
God, my dad was so
wrong about you.
78
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,998
So, basically, you lied to
the person you love most.
79
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:57,736
And got rewarded. We went to k.F.C.
That night.
80
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:01,523
God, that's Carrie.
81
00:04:01,591 --> 00:04:03,292
I'd better not let her see this.
82
00:04:03,359 --> 00:04:04,560
Why not?
83
00:04:04,628 --> 00:04:05,861
Because she never really got
over the whole Manhattan thing
84
00:04:05,928 --> 00:04:07,263
and I don't want to get
her all revved up again.
85
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,330
Well, how can you do it anyways?
86
00:04:08,398 --> 00:04:10,065
It's a one bedroom
and you got Arthur.
87
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:12,868
Oh, my God, you're right.
88
00:04:12,936 --> 00:04:15,904
I forgot about the
crazy old man.
89
00:04:16,940 --> 00:04:17,822
You know what?
90
00:04:17,941 --> 00:04:19,141
I bet you I could use this,
91
00:04:19,208 --> 00:04:20,926
get a little extra credit,
92
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,145
and maybe a return
trip to k.F.C.
93
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,598
Oh, you got the mail. Yeah.
94
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,967
Yeah, it's just nothing
but bills, bills, bills,
95
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,035
you know what I'm saying?
96
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:33,872
Oh, what is this?
97
00:04:35,625 --> 00:04:37,960
Stuyvesant towers?
98
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:39,094
Oh, my gosh, Carrie,
99
00:04:39,162 --> 00:04:40,095
you remember that
apartment in the city
100
00:04:40,163 --> 00:04:41,664
we signed up for years ago?
101
00:04:41,731 --> 00:04:42,998
Uh-huh.
102
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,899
Well, it's available. Man...
103
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:45,900
What?
104
00:04:45,968 --> 00:04:48,604
Yeah.
105
00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:51,006
Oh, my God, I totally
forgot about this.
106
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,874
Yeah, me too.
107
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,446
You don't want to move
to the city, right?
108
00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:01,116
I don't know, man, it
is your dream, right?
109
00:05:03,153 --> 00:05:04,386
Yeah.
110
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:08,340
Well, like 10 years
ago I said, you know,
111
00:05:08,407 --> 00:05:10,008
whatever your dream is,
112
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:13,812
is my dream, too.
113
00:05:13,879 --> 00:05:16,097
You would do this?
114
00:05:16,165 --> 00:05:20,285
Look, do I love living in Queens?
Yeah.
115
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:23,955
Do I love you more? You betcha.
116
00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:27,759
So, I'm going to call right
now and reserve it, ok?
117
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,545
I can't think of any
reason why not.
118
00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,800
I mean, can you?
119
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:37,036
No!
120
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,671
Ok, let's do it!
121
00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:42,874
I'll wait for you in the car.
122
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:44,426
Ah, let me see that.
123
00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:47,095
I - I just want to make
sure we're not forgetting,
124
00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:49,030
you know, something or
125
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:53,001
somebody.
126
00:05:53,069 --> 00:05:55,487
Oh, my-my dad. We can't do it.
127
00:05:55,554 --> 00:05:56,855
It's a one-bedroom.
128
00:05:56,922 --> 00:05:59,158
God, gut-punch.
129
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:03,378
Well, that was exciting
for about 2 seconds.
130
00:06:04,847 --> 00:06:06,815
All right, well, I'll
just call them later
131
00:06:06,883 --> 00:06:08,400
and tell them to take
us off the list.
132
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,502
I'm so sorry, babe.
133
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,837
That's ok, you tried.
134
00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:14,506
I did try.
135
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:15,307
You know what?
136
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,526
Tonight, I say we get
us some comfort food.
137
00:06:17,593 --> 00:06:20,312
Yes! Pick us up some Sushi.
138
00:06:28,271 --> 00:06:30,072
I'm sorry to disturb you, miss St.
Clair,
139
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:31,073
I just wanted to let you know
140
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,741
we're running a few
minutes behind.
141
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:36,461
Nothing major. Our sound
man's suffering chest pains.
142
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,763
Well, it doesn't matter.
I'm not going on.
143
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:40,365
What?
144
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:41,866
But we have a full house.
145
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:42,751
Send them home.
146
00:06:42,818 --> 00:06:46,020
Nobody wants to see some
horrible, aging diva.
147
00:06:46,088 --> 00:06:48,740
You're not horrible, you're Ava St.
Clair!
148
00:06:48,807 --> 00:06:53,879
No, I'm not. I am Esther
Levine from Brooklyn.
149
00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:55,914
I don't know. Who am I fooling?
150
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,249
I should've retired years ago,
151
00:06:57,317 --> 00:07:00,152
when I could still
sing worth a damn.
152
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:05,591
And why didn't I marry Vic
damone when I had the chance?
153
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:08,893
Miss St. Clair, can I
tell you a little story?
154
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:12,347
I don't care.
155
00:07:12,415 --> 00:07:14,983
The year was 1962,
156
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:17,819
and my pencil eraser business
had just gone belly-up.
157
00:07:17,887 --> 00:07:20,121
Pens had become all the rage.
158
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:21,323
I was flat broke,
159
00:07:21,390 --> 00:07:23,258
my fiancée left me,
160
00:07:23,326 --> 00:07:25,093
I didn't want to live anymore.
161
00:07:25,161 --> 00:07:27,912
Well, you're still here,
so what happened?
162
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:32,300
I was in horn and hardart's, having
a cup of hot water and lemon.
163
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:36,204
Suddenly a song
came on the radio.
164
00:07:45,564 --> 00:07:49,250
It gave me the will to go on.
165
00:07:49,318 --> 00:07:51,936
What, my song saved your life?
166
00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:54,088
Yes, and I also realized
167
00:07:54,156 --> 00:07:56,090
I couldn't off myself
if I wanted to,
168
00:07:56,158 --> 00:07:57,626
I'm very much a coward.
169
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:00,612
Spooner,
170
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,782
the concession stand is
almost out of pudding.
171
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:07,119
We're about 5 minutes from this
place turning into attica.
172
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:10,822
Well, cue the band!
173
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,691
Ava St. Clair is in the house!
174
00:08:21,217 --> 00:08:24,436
Whoo! Oh, yeah!
175
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,487
You can't stop me,
176
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,439
you can only hope to contain me!
177
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,824
19-zip.
178
00:08:29,892 --> 00:08:31,493
Y- you know what?
179
00:08:31,561 --> 00:08:34,162
You-you and Deacon versus
us isn't fair, man.
180
00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:36,498
You didn't hear us crying when you
kicked our ass at pictionary.
181
00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:39,654
All right, well,
182
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,554
at least give us
an asthma break.
183
00:08:42,579 --> 00:08:44,097
You got 40 seconds.
184
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:52,748
So, what happened with that
whole, uh, apartment thing?
185
00:08:52,815 --> 00:08:55,083
Oh, it's dead.
186
00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:57,185
Thanks to Arthur, I'm staying
right here in Queens.
187
00:08:57,253 --> 00:08:59,454
What? Carrie wants to move?
188
00:08:59,521 --> 00:09:01,023
Yeah.
189
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:03,141
I got the same
problem with pudgy.
190
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,111
Ok, would someone
tell lord dipwad
191
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:07,372
that buying a house
192
00:09:07,397 --> 00:09:09,898
is a sound financial investment?
193
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,800
Y - you pay rent, you're just
throwing money down a rat hole.
194
00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:14,953
Yeah, w-well, so is spending
$1,000 on massage school.
195
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:18,089
Oh, well, I didn't hear your
feet complaining last night.
196
00:09:39,195 --> 00:09:41,162
Thank you!
197
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,548
Oh, I think they liked me,
198
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,099
they really liked me.
199
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:47,903
Liked you? If they had their
teeth in, they'd eat you alive.
200
00:09:47,971 --> 00:09:51,599
Oh, and Arthur, I couldn't
have done it without you.
201
00:09:51,741 --> 00:09:53,142
I mean it.
202
00:09:53,209 --> 00:09:55,844
You were the wind
beneath my wings.
203
00:09:55,911 --> 00:10:00,182
Imagine that. I'm Ava St.
Clair's wind.
204
00:10:00,249 --> 00:10:03,585
You know, Arthur,
I've been looking
205
00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:07,589
for somebody to, uh, help me
with the rest of my tour.
206
00:10:07,657 --> 00:10:09,157
Would you be interested?
207
00:10:09,225 --> 00:10:10,492
Are you serious?
208
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,194
Oh, obviously I would pay you.
209
00:10:12,262 --> 00:10:16,115
Nonsense! Working with Ava St.
Clair would be payment enough.
210
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,682
Oh, wonderful.
211
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,085
Of course, I'd expect you to
cover my travel expenses.
212
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,220
Absolutely.
213
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,921
And I'd need a new suit
214
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:24,973
and some walking-around money.
215
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,659
Are you sure you don't
want me to just pay you?
216
00:10:27,726 --> 00:10:30,045
I will not take a dime!
217
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:28,470
Ow!
218
00:11:28,538 --> 00:11:31,440
Crap.
219
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,100
Hey, dad, dinner's ready.
220
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:46,572
That'll have to wait.
221
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,073
I've got big news.
222
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:49,874
If this is an eczema update,
223
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,276
ok, I'm still reeling
from last week.
224
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:52,711
No, no.
225
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,112
I'm getting married.
226
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,882
What? To who?
227
00:11:56,949 --> 00:11:59,318
Miss Ava St. Clair.
228
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,087
After her tour, we're
getting hitched in Tahoe
229
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,622
and settling in her house
in Rockland county.
230
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:06,958
Ok, dad. You're not
getting married.
231
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,026
Look,
232
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:08,944
I understand you're
threatened by
233
00:12:09,011 --> 00:12:10,145
another woman in my life.
234
00:12:10,212 --> 00:12:13,048
Ok, so, here's what
I need you to do.
235
00:12:13,116 --> 00:12:14,950
I need you to take a
couple of your blue pills,
236
00:12:15,018 --> 00:12:18,153
go downstairs, and have
yourself a nice long nap,
237
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:19,755
and we'll talk about
this later, ok?
238
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,106
I'm a grown man!
239
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:23,575
Stop treating me like a child!
240
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:26,095
Well, stop acting
like a child, ok?
241
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,764
There's no way I'm letting you get
married to somebody you just met.
242
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:29,914
I'm sorry, but you're
staying right here.
243
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,487
Unless...
244
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,240
You really, really like her.
245
00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:42,728
We can do it!
246
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:43,405
Huh?
247
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,297
We can move to the city!
248
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:47,899
What about Arthur? Remember him?
249
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:51,436
Old guy, smells like cheese,
even when he hasn't had any.
250
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,621
He's getting married.
251
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:54,440
To who?
252
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,158
To that woman who sings
253
00:12:56,225 --> 00:12:58,460
that stupid lollipop song.
254
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,362
She has a big house, and she's
letting him move in with her.
255
00:13:00,429 --> 00:13:02,497
I'm telling you, it's like fate!
256
00:13:02,565 --> 00:13:03,665
Carrie, wait.
257
00:13:03,733 --> 00:13:04,866
He's done this, like, a
million times before,
258
00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:06,801
he moves out and then he
comes right back here.
259
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,838
He's like an old,
wrinkly boomerang.
260
00:13:09,906 --> 00:13:11,790
No, it's different
this time, I know it.
261
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,842
Oh, why? Because he's
marrying a complete stranger?
262
00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:15,077
D- do you even know her name?
263
00:13:15,144 --> 00:13:16,211
Of course I know her name.
264
00:13:16,279 --> 00:13:18,713
It's Ava... Ava something.
265
00:13:18,781 --> 00:13:20,332
Oh, that's good
daughtering right there,
266
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,467
you don't even know
her last name.
267
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,785
I know what it's going to be.
Spooner.
268
00:13:23,853 --> 00:13:27,822
Ha, come on, give me some
knuckles on that one, buddy!
269
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,108
Would you listen to yourself?
270
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,861
Ok, look, Doug, I talked
to her on the phone,
271
00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:34,763
and she sounds like
a very nice woman.
272
00:13:34,831 --> 00:13:37,515
You know, she was on
Merv Griffin 53 times?
273
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,584
Now, do you think he'd have somebody
on the show that many times
274
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,119
if they were a bad person?
275
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,873
No. No, baby.
276
00:13:44,941 --> 00:13:47,025
Come on, I know you
love living in Queens,
277
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,726
but you're going
to love the city.
278
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,461
It's like a new
adventure for us.
279
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:51,562
And guess what?
280
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:53,364
With the money we make
on selling this house,
281
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,767
you can finally
get your go-kart.
282
00:13:55,785 --> 00:13:57,052
It's all coming together!
283
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:01,939
Oh, I'm getting that go-kart,
284
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:05,377
but we're not moving anywhere.
285
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:12,717
May I help you?
286
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:15,520
Yes, I'm, uh, here to
see Arthur Spooner.
287
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:16,322
Oh, it's all right, Marta,
288
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,774
he's my son-in-law.
289
00:14:18,842 --> 00:14:21,960
Oh, and, Marta, could you have
nils bring the car around?
290
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,663
I have a yen for frozen yogurt.
291
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:28,533
So, what brings you by?
292
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,670
Huh, it's just, everything
happened sort of fast,
293
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:35,007
and I just wanted to make
sure you were ok here.
294
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:37,575
You know, because you had it
pretty good back at our house.
295
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,162
I lived in a cold, wet basement.
296
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:41,864
Yeah, but we got you
that space heater.
297
00:14:41,932 --> 00:14:42,765
Which caught fire. Yeah,
298
00:14:42,832 --> 00:14:44,316
because you dried
your socks on it!
299
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,502
Because they were wet
from the basement!
300
00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:48,103
Ok!
301
00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:49,471
We can go round and
round about this.
302
00:14:49,539 --> 00:14:51,440
All right, the point
is pack your things.
303
00:14:51,508 --> 00:14:52,741
You're coming home with me.
Let's go.
304
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:57,212
Douglas, I'm living the
life of Riley here.
305
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,214
What's going on?
306
00:14:59,282 --> 00:15:02,401
You want the truth?
307
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,070
The truth is...
308
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,541
Well, I miss you.
309
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:12,428
Really?
310
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,763
I had no idea you felt that way.
311
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,298
It's because I'm one
of those people
312
00:15:16,366 --> 00:15:19,301
who keeps their
feelings bottled up.
313
00:15:19,369 --> 00:15:20,703
But I can't hide it anymore,
314
00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:24,906
I- I need my yahtzee buddy.
315
00:15:24,974 --> 00:15:29,111
But the last time we played, you
shoved the dice in my mouth.
316
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:32,297
Sometimes I love you so much
317
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:35,367
I gotta hurt you.
318
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,635
Well, I'm staying here.
319
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:40,906
But I'll try and carve out
some time for you on weekends.
320
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,507
You know what? That's not
good enough for me, Arthur.
321
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,142
I want you to get your stuff now.
You're coming home.
322
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,477
I'm afraid that
won't be happening.
323
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,379
Oh, I'm afraid it will.
Oh, I think not!
324
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,130
All right, listen to me, Arthur.
325
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,148
All right, for the
last 10 years,
326
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,215
I've had to watch
you chew your food
327
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,350
with your mouth open
328
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:53,318
and cut your toenails on my bed.
329
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,220
All right, now you can
finally do some good for me.
330
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,538
So, you're coming home with me.
331
00:15:56,606 --> 00:15:58,641
You know, we can do
this the easy way...
332
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,877
Or we can do this the hard way.
333
00:16:03,813 --> 00:16:05,447
Ok, what's that button?
334
00:16:05,515 --> 00:16:07,232
Just letting the
nyack police know
335
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:10,168
that a big-boned
intruder is in my house.
336
00:16:16,325 --> 00:16:17,359
Hey, hey, guys,
337
00:16:17,426 --> 00:16:18,277
we're about to have
an open house,
338
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:19,695
you're gonna have to scoot.
339
00:16:19,762 --> 00:16:22,097
Really? 'Cause we had no idea.
340
00:16:22,165 --> 00:16:23,899
Yeah, that's funny.
341
00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:26,084
I mean, because we were actually
thinking about buying a house.
342
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,453
Really? Yeah.
343
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,704
I mean, it'd have to
be a really great deal
344
00:16:28,772 --> 00:16:31,306
because we don't
really love the place.
345
00:16:31,374 --> 00:16:33,659
I mean, we like it like it,
346
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,493
we just don't love it love it.
347
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,997
Well, I would want you to buy
anything you didn't love.
348
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,932
So, let's go.
349
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,852
Wait, c-can we at
least look around?
350
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,687
Ok, fine. But don't
do anything weird.
351
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:02,704
Isn't living in the
city delightful?
352
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:05,474
And our first cocktail
party, it's a hit.
353
00:17:09,746 --> 00:17:13,398
Ok, I'm going to need
about 500 more of these.
354
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:19,371
So, when I found out
Ivana was having
355
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,640
her fundraiser for the
hospital on Friday,
356
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:25,894
I moved my auction for the
homeless to Thursday.
357
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,846
Well played, Carrie.
358
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,317
Doug, right?
359
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,986
Yeah. Hi, I'm Tucker Carlson.
360
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,386
I live right across the hall.
361
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,155
If you ever want to swing
by and talk politics,
362
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,991
door is always open.
363
00:17:40,176 --> 00:17:41,643
No!
364
00:17:43,913 --> 00:17:46,014
Doug, come on, get up. Hmm?
365
00:17:46,082 --> 00:17:46,799
Come on, people are going to be
366
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:48,350
coming through here
any minute, hon.
367
00:17:48,418 --> 00:17:49,351
For what?
368
00:17:49,419 --> 00:17:50,586
For the open house!
369
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,087
Carrie, listen, I really think-
370
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,374
oh, and look what I got.
371
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:57,993
Keys? To our apartment
in the city.
372
00:17:58,061 --> 00:17:59,711
I- I don't want to do it!
373
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:01,563
What? I don't want to move.
374
00:18:01,631 --> 00:18:03,983
Doug, what are - you said
you were ok with this,
375
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,784
that my dream was your dream.
376
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:06,534
Yeah, I only said that
377
00:18:06,602 --> 00:18:07,720
because I knew we couldn't do it
378
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,738
because of your father.
379
00:18:09,806 --> 00:18:11,373
Oh, God.
380
00:18:13,276 --> 00:18:16,061
I can't believe you
would do this!
381
00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,796
Look, Carrie, if I had a magic
carpet I'd go back in time
382
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,765
and I'd do things
differently, but I don't!
383
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,618
Ok, magic carpets don't
go back in time.
384
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,035
Yes, they do. No, they don't.
385
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,255
They take you from one place
to another, magically,
386
00:18:26,323 --> 00:18:27,656
but they don't go back in time.
387
00:18:27,723 --> 00:18:28,790
Fine, fine, then I would
go in a time machine,
388
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,826
they go back in time, don't they?
Yeah-
389
00:18:30,893 --> 00:18:31,994
yeah, I guess they do,
390
00:18:32,061 --> 00:18:34,529
and if I had one I would go
back before I even met you.
391
00:18:34,597 --> 00:18:36,181
Hello!
392
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:38,266
This is the master.
393
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:40,686
You can see that there's
lots of closet space.
394
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:41,953
Is there copper plumbing?
395
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,122
No, it's rusty lead.
396
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:46,474
Now, beat it. Beat it!
397
00:18:49,578 --> 00:18:51,096
Look, Doug,
398
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:54,533
I - I understand you don't
want to move to the city,
399
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,867
and I know why you lied to me,
400
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:59,638
but this is important to me.
401
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,940
And if there was something that
you dreamed of your whole life,
402
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,309
and I could give it
to you, I would.
403
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:05,126
That's perfect, Carrie.
404
00:19:05,194 --> 00:19:06,644
Because you know
what my dream is?
405
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,580
To live in a house without an
old man living in the basement.
406
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,316
Let's start there. What do
you say, dream weaver? Huh?
407
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:16,571
Oh, all right, what
are you doing?
408
00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:18,890
Oh, ok.
409
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,676
Carrie, I understand, ok,
I get it, you're mad.
410
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,678
All right, you don't
have to fake pack.
411
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,179
Excuse me.
412
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,580
What's so great about
the city, anyway?
413
00:19:25,649 --> 00:19:27,349
You know, it's crowded,
it's polluted,
414
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,450
and according to the
planet of the apes,
415
00:19:28,518 --> 00:19:30,452
it's not going to be there
very long, all right?
416
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:37,125
So, what is that?
What are you doing?
417
00:19:37,193 --> 00:19:38,794
You-you leaving me?
418
00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:42,547
No, Doug, I am moving to
our apartment in the city,
419
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:45,784
and I hope you join me.
420
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,318
Well, I'm not going
anywhere, ok?
421
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:50,956
In fact, I don't think I'm
ever leaving this bedroom.
422
00:19:55,244 --> 00:19:57,078
You know what? Go. I'm
glad you're leaving.
423
00:19:57,146 --> 00:19:58,079
Good, I'm going.
424
00:19:58,147 --> 00:19:59,030
Good. Good!
425
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,148
Uh, Carrie?
426
00:20:00,216 --> 00:20:02,384
What? Umm...
427
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,053
Could our inspector
come by tomorrow?
428
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,403
We're not selling!
429
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,572
Yes, we are.
430
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,674
At this point, I'd friggin'
give the house away.
431
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,011
Fine, go to your
fancy Manhattan.
432
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:15,397
You know, and I'll be
here, keeping it real.
433
00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:19,768
She'll be back in 5-4-3-2...
434
00:20:26,386 --> 00:20:28,653
"Next time on The King of Queens."
435
00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:30,130
Car, where you going?
436
00:20:30,221 --> 00:20:31,354
To get the china.
437
00:20:31,575 --> 00:20:35,200
Oh, no. No-no-no-no-no-no,
my house, my china.
438
00:20:41,732 --> 00:20:42,560
You know what?
439
00:20:42,646 --> 00:20:46,246
Ten years of that, it's nothing
but scar tissue now.
31497
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