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1
00:00:03,602 --> 00:00:04,786
Just for the record,
2
00:00:04,854 --> 00:00:05,737
you're not putting
that ridiculous
3
00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,572
air freshener in our car.
4
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,541
Mm. Sounds like someone wishes
5
00:00:09,608 --> 00:00:12,844
they were half-naked and
smelled like vanilla.
6
00:00:13,488 --> 00:00:14,913
Oh, great. They're
doing the hubcaps.
7
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:17,032
Now I gotta give the
guy an extra dollar.
8
00:00:19,202 --> 00:00:20,402
Hey, who do you think's
driving the, uh-
9
00:00:20,470 --> 00:00:22,421
the silver Toyota?
10
00:00:22,488 --> 00:00:23,855
What?
11
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:24,856
You know, the one with
the license plate
12
00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:27,692
that says "sexy 4 u". Um...
13
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,044
I don't know, I'm gonna go
14
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,879
with the streetwalker
over there.
15
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:33,799
Could be. Could be.
16
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,201
I'm gonna say something
a little unorthodox.
17
00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:37,636
And go with the Chinese
couple right there.
18
00:00:39,355 --> 00:00:42,073
What? You're crazy.
19
00:00:42,141 --> 00:00:44,075
Wanna make it interesting?
20
00:00:44,143 --> 00:00:46,311
All right. 10 bucks.
21
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,613
Ok. What kinda odds
you gonna give me?
22
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:48,980
Odds?
23
00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:51,617
I'm taking the Chinese couple.
24
00:00:51,684 --> 00:00:53,285
2- to-1.
25
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,670
You're on.
26
00:00:55,738 --> 00:00:57,205
All right, here we go.
27
00:00:59,843 --> 00:01:01,042
Damn it!
28
00:01:01,110 --> 00:01:03,045
I was gonna say Mr. spacely.
29
00:01:04,547 --> 00:01:05,647
All right, come on.
30
00:01:05,715 --> 00:01:06,898
We're up.
31
00:01:54,931 --> 00:01:57,066
Yo. Is the tri-tip done yet?
32
00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:58,133
Hey, man. Whoa, whoa!
33
00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,051
You don't open a smoker
34
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,135
while it's still smoking.
35
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,370
What are you, some kinda animal?
36
00:02:02,438 --> 00:02:03,256
You put it in, like, Wednesday.
37
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,490
You sure it's even working?
38
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,541
Uh, I think I know
39
00:02:05,609 --> 00:02:07,376
if my smoker's
working or not, ok?
40
00:02:07,443 --> 00:02:09,344
Yeah, guy, it's actually cold.
41
00:02:10,914 --> 00:02:12,231
Ok, you know what? I
hope you like cole slaw,
42
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:22,641
but it's coming along.
It's coming along.
43
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,477
What are you drawing
there, sweetie?
44
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:27,280
Uncle Doug eating a carrot.
45
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,482
A carrot. Hmm.
46
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,317
You have such a
good imagination.
47
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,804
Come on, man. You're
hitting those appletinis
48
00:02:35,872 --> 00:02:37,305
a little hard.
49
00:02:37,373 --> 00:02:38,974
This is a virgin appletini.
50
00:02:39,041 --> 00:02:42,678
This is basically a
juice box in a glass.
51
00:02:45,138 --> 00:02:46,238
What's with the hobbit?
52
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:52,655
Ah, he lost his job a
couple of weeks ago.
53
00:02:52,722 --> 00:02:54,256
Aw, don't feel too bad, son.
54
00:02:54,324 --> 00:02:56,192
You know how many jobs
I lost in my life?
55
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,260
76.
56
00:02:58,328 --> 00:03:01,681
But working in the subway
is all I've ever known.
57
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,482
Now I feel like... I don't know,
58
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,318
I- I have no purpose in life.
59
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,037
Hard to argue with that.
60
00:03:11,841 --> 00:03:13,475
Is the food almost ready?
Everybody's starving.
61
00:03:13,543 --> 00:03:15,611
Yeah. It's coming, ok?
62
00:03:15,678 --> 00:03:18,080
You know, we have a perfectly
good barbecue right there.
63
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:21,200
Ok, you wanna check
the attitude?
64
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,268
'Cause I don't know
if you know this,
65
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:23,402
but smoked meat is a privilege.
66
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:24,470
It's not a right, ok?
67
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,038
You wanna lose that privilege?
Huh?
68
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:27,889
Hey, anybody else here got
a problem with my smoker?
69
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:28,958
Seriously... ok?
70
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,192
'Cause I don't wanna hear it.
71
00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:33,028
Good to see everybody, though.
72
00:03:33,096 --> 00:03:34,162
Hey, honey.
73
00:03:34,230 --> 00:03:35,931
Hey, baby.
74
00:03:35,999 --> 00:03:37,299
Uh, where's Kirby?
75
00:03:37,366 --> 00:03:39,401
What? You were supposed to
pick him up at the rec center.
76
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,236
No, didn't you get my message?
I said you had to get him
77
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,237
'cause I was bringing
the ice cream,
78
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,371
I didn't want it to melt.
79
00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:45,073
I didn't check my voicemail.
80
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:46,108
Then why do you have it if
you're not going to check it?
81
00:03:46,176 --> 00:03:47,676
You know, Kelly, ever since
you started working-
82
00:03:47,743 --> 00:03:49,377
oh, don't you even
start with me-
83
00:03:49,445 --> 00:03:50,830
guys, guys, guys...
84
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,698
I'll go pick up Kirby, ok?
85
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,116
Oh, Spence, you don't
have to do that.
86
00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:57,002
No, seriously. I'd be happy to.
87
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,238
Give me a reason not to
put a bullet in my head.
88
00:04:01,124 --> 00:04:02,725
Thanks, man. Come on.
89
00:04:08,464 --> 00:04:10,732
I made this for you, Arthur.
90
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,786
Oh, what a thoughtful young man.
91
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:14,787
What is this supposed to be?
92
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,388
Some kind of monster?
93
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,672
No, it's you.
94
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,229
Don't quit your
day job, Picasso!
95
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:32,154
Aw, there's my
handsome son-in-law.
96
00:04:32,222 --> 00:04:33,956
I'm not lending you
any money, Arthur.
97
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,508
For your information, I'm
not asking for a loan.
98
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:40,195
This would be an outright gift.
99
00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:42,364
Wha-what are you talking about?
100
00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:44,216
I want braces.
101
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,589
You mean... for your legs?
102
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,157
No, my teeth.
103
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:55,210
Major's picture of me
was a wake-up call.
104
00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:57,830
Arthur, this looks
nothing like you.
105
00:04:57,897 --> 00:04:59,932
Except for maybe
the monkey hands.
106
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,199
Oh, please. All my life
107
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,701
I've been ashamed of my teeth.
108
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:03,952
It's what's held me back.
109
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:05,053
Yeah, it was the teeth,
110
00:05:05,121 --> 00:05:06,672
not the violent outbursts. Yeah.
111
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,142
My orthodontist said I would
only have to wear the braces
112
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,344
2 to 3 years, and then
I'll be a new man.
113
00:05:12,411 --> 00:05:14,280
I'd finally be able
to approach a woman
114
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,983
without coquettishly waving
a fan over my mouth.
115
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,319
Arthur, your teeth are fine.
116
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:22,971
Douglas, your deep
affection for me
117
00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:25,140
has blinded you to the truth.
118
00:05:26,342 --> 00:05:30,079
Look at these "before" pictures.
119
00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,514
This is an extreme close-up
of my upper mouth.
120
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,867
Oh, God, put that away!
121
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:36,568
So what do you say?
122
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,470
For only $3,200,
123
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:41,607
I'll be able to get a
million dollar smile.
124
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,926
$3,200, that's all?
125
00:05:43,993 --> 00:05:46,161
You know what, uh, let me
just peruse the brochure,
126
00:05:46,228 --> 00:05:47,696
you know, I'll crunch
some numbers together,
127
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,432
and I'll, uh - I'll get back
to you asap, all right?
128
00:05:50,499 --> 00:05:51,950
Thank you, Douglas.
129
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,853
Slap it high! Yo!
130
00:06:02,245 --> 00:06:03,178
Hey, baby.
131
00:06:03,246 --> 00:06:05,447
Hi, honey.
132
00:06:05,514 --> 00:06:07,566
Wow. What smells so good?
133
00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:09,902
Do not touch this dish,
134
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,770
it is extremely hot.
135
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,689
Oh, hey, Deac. What
are you drinking?
136
00:06:13,757 --> 00:06:16,124
Um... a beer?
137
00:06:16,192 --> 00:06:17,943
Coming right up.
138
00:06:19,695 --> 00:06:22,798
Why-why is my friend
here wearing an apron?
139
00:06:22,865 --> 00:06:24,333
We agreed we needed some help,
140
00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:26,201
so I hired Spence.
141
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,789
So, Spence is now our-our maid?
142
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:33,342
No, no. He's more of a houseboy.
143
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:35,627
He's a good cook,
144
00:06:35,779 --> 00:06:36,845
he's great with the kids,
145
00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:38,580
and he was so
desperate, I got him
146
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,949
for practically nothing.
147
00:06:41,017 --> 00:06:42,801
Here you go, big guy.
148
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:44,236
Uh, thanks, man.
149
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:47,088
Frosted glass.
150
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:48,156
Nice touch.
151
00:06:48,224 --> 00:06:50,375
I know that's how you liked it.
152
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:53,712
I...
153
00:06:53,779 --> 00:06:55,097
Got myself a houseboy.
154
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,165
Ha ha ha!
155
00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:57,899
Ahh...
156
00:06:57,967 --> 00:07:01,102
If only my grandpa were
alive to see this.
157
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,706
Sit... sit.
158
00:07:04,774 --> 00:07:06,375
Sit. Sit-sit. Sit.
159
00:07:06,442 --> 00:07:08,076
Sit. Sit.
160
00:07:08,144 --> 00:07:09,077
Ok, what are you doing?
161
00:07:09,145 --> 00:07:12,731
Just training my virtual dog.
162
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:16,267
Sit. Sit-hey, don't
you growl at me.
163
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:18,386
Honey, I gotta talk to
you for a second, ok?
164
00:07:18,454 --> 00:07:20,488
One second, let me just hit him
with a virtual newspaper here.
165
00:07:20,556 --> 00:07:22,558
Come on! Bad-ooh, killed him.
166
00:07:22,625 --> 00:07:24,959
Ok, what's up?
167
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,795
Uh, you know my dad talked
to me about the braces.
168
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,915
Braces. I gotta say, one
thing about your father
169
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,617
is he's never boring.
170
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:34,419
Actually, he's always
boring, but that was funny!
171
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,272
Actually, I-I kinda told him
172
00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:38,606
that he can get 'em.
173
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,510
What? Car-are you crazy?
174
00:07:42,578 --> 00:07:43,629
What, Doug? What am
I supposed to say?
175
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:45,096
He really wanted them.
176
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:46,698
He wants a lot of things!
177
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:50,302
He wants a helicopter, he wants
me to bankroll his muffin shop.
178
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,438
Come on, now. You can
say no you know.
179
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,339
That's how you keep
from spoiling him.
180
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,273
Jeez. Look, Doug,
181
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,809
I know it's expensive,
182
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,477
ok, but I think
it'll really help
183
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,579
his self-esteem down the road.
184
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,081
Down the road?
185
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:06,885
Car, I don't know
if you know this,
186
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:10,221
but his exit's coming
up pretty quick.
187
00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:13,825
Ok, if I was him, I'd get into
the right Lane about now.
188
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,543
Ok, you're right.
It is ridiculous,
189
00:08:15,611 --> 00:08:17,813
but he's my father. How
am I supposed to tell him
190
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,147
it's too late to get braces?
191
00:08:19,215 --> 00:08:20,849
Easy, you just say, "look,
we're not getting you braces"
192
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,034
"for the same reason
we don't get you
193
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,969
"the big bottle of
shampoo at costco.
194
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,603
Because time's not
exactly on your side."
195
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,442
There's the guy.
196
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,444
Dad, he didn't mean-
197
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,095
no, no. He's absolutely right.
198
00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:36,648
For a second there I
thought I had a future.
199
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:38,784
Thank you, Douglas,
for setting straight
200
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,919
a foolish old man.
201
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:43,205
No problem.
202
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:51,613
So what do you think, huh?
203
00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:24,946
Hello? Yeah-
204
00:09:25,014 --> 00:09:27,016
Danny, I told you
not to call me here
205
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,017
when I'm working.
206
00:09:28,084 --> 00:09:29,618
Yeah, well-
207
00:09:29,685 --> 00:09:31,420
I'm not jumping
down your throat,
208
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:32,955
I'm just asking for a
little consideration.
209
00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:34,556
All right-no. You know? We-
210
00:09:34,624 --> 00:09:36,625
we will talk - we will
talk about this later.
211
00:09:36,692 --> 00:09:38,193
All right? Good-bye!
212
00:09:38,261 --> 00:09:39,911
Was that your wife?
213
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,431
No, just...
214
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:46,302
The most exasperating
man in the world.
215
00:09:46,369 --> 00:09:48,587
Oh.
216
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,255
Don't you guys worry, ok?
217
00:09:50,322 --> 00:09:53,892
I'm-I'm gonna be here
for a long time.
218
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,672
Can I interest you
in some of my...
219
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,459
Huevos rancheros?
220
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:05,363
I'm good.
221
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:08,550
Stop staring at his mouth.
222
00:11:08,618 --> 00:11:10,569
I can't, Carrie. It looks
like he ate a bird.
223
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,356
By the by, Douglas,
224
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,059
could you float me $50?
225
00:11:17,126 --> 00:11:20,461
I'll give you 20 to face
the other direction.
226
00:11:20,529 --> 00:11:22,280
What do you need the
money for, dad?
227
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,732
For this application.
228
00:11:23,799 --> 00:11:26,268
In the spirit of the
new and improved me,
229
00:11:26,336 --> 00:11:28,136
I've decided to go
back to school.
230
00:11:28,204 --> 00:11:30,405
Really?
231
00:11:30,473 --> 00:11:32,574
The university of Texas?
232
00:11:32,642 --> 00:11:34,576
Ok, that's nice, but
I'm pretty sure
233
00:11:34,644 --> 00:11:38,079
you could take classes at queensborough
community college for free.
234
00:11:38,147 --> 00:11:40,115
Was queensborough named
235
00:11:40,183 --> 00:11:42,350
the number one party
school in America?
236
00:11:42,418 --> 00:11:44,419
I don't think so.
237
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:46,688
Arthur, you just got braces.
238
00:11:46,756 --> 00:11:49,224
I'm not paying for you to
go away to college, ok?
239
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,542
Really?
240
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:53,044
Is it because I'm
too old to finish
241
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:55,980
a bottle of shampoo?
242
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:59,667
Why don't you try starting
a bottle of shampoo?
243
00:11:59,735 --> 00:12:01,436
Corn meal works better
244
00:12:01,504 --> 00:12:02,604
at half the price! All right.
245
00:12:02,672 --> 00:12:03,922
All right.
246
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,290
Dad, let me look this over, ok?
247
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,792
I'll get back to you.
248
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,610
Great. Fyi, San Diego state
249
00:12:08,677 --> 00:12:09,511
is my safety school.
250
00:12:16,386 --> 00:12:18,853
Ha ha ha!
251
00:12:18,922 --> 00:12:20,122
Hey, check this out, man.
252
00:12:20,189 --> 00:12:22,124
Spence made me a panini
sandwich, and look.
253
00:12:22,191 --> 00:12:25,727
He toasted my initials
into the bread.
254
00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:27,662
That's great. I'm glad things
are working out well for you.
255
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,148
What's your problem?
256
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:30,132
Oh, I don't know.
257
00:12:30,199 --> 00:12:32,000
That I'm out almost 4
grand and this weekend
258
00:12:32,068 --> 00:12:33,468
I've got to take
an 80-year-old man
259
00:12:33,536 --> 00:12:35,203
on a tour of rutgers.
260
00:12:35,271 --> 00:12:36,471
You know what,
261
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,874
my houseboy sure knows his
way around a sandwich.
262
00:12:38,941 --> 00:12:41,276
You know, this is all
your kid's fault
263
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,278
for drawing that stupid
picture of Arthur.
264
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:46,615
Why can't he just eat his
crayons like I used to?
265
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,851
Well, sorry it didn't work out
for you like it did for me.
266
00:12:49,918 --> 00:12:51,553
What are you talking about?
267
00:12:51,621 --> 00:12:53,572
Well, a couple of months ago
he made a picture of Kelly.
268
00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:56,875
To draw her butt, he
traced a paint can.
269
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,177
She took one look at that
270
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,745
and started hittin' the
treadmill in a big way.
271
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:02,297
Really?
272
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,084
God is good, bro.
273
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,953
You think major would
draw a picture of Carrie?
274
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,737
What for? She doesn't
need to lose weight.
275
00:13:09,805 --> 00:13:12,390
Oh, I know, but there
are other improvements
276
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,993
that, you know... Hmm?
277
00:13:18,781 --> 00:13:20,799
Even smaller. You gotta
make them smaller.
278
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:21,967
But that's how she looks.
279
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,084
Ok, you know what, give me this.
Here.
280
00:13:23,152 --> 00:13:24,870
Ok? There you go.
281
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,105
Now, sign the bottom. Sign it.
Just sign it.
282
00:13:27,172 --> 00:13:29,190
I'm trying to have a romantic
dinner for Deacon and Kelly.
283
00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:31,326
He should have been in
bed a half hour ago.
284
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:33,044
Cool your jets, Hazel.
285
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:35,363
Ok.
286
00:13:35,431 --> 00:13:37,232
Ha ha!
287
00:13:37,299 --> 00:13:39,401
Why does Carrie have
the body of a boy?
288
00:13:39,469 --> 00:13:40,051
I could ask you the same thing.
289
00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:44,172
That smells good. Could you get
me a little of that to go?
290
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:48,160
Uh, not until you start
paying me 5.50 an hour.
291
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:54,082
So, uh, how was the bruschetta?
292
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:56,218
Oh, it's great. Yummy.
293
00:13:56,285 --> 00:13:57,802
Not too oily?
294
00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,389
Well, maybe a little.
295
00:14:00,456 --> 00:14:02,224
Stupid!
296
00:14:03,292 --> 00:14:06,828
That's the shrimp fra diablo.
297
00:14:06,896 --> 00:14:08,663
I will not make the
same mistake again.
298
00:14:10,032 --> 00:14:12,133
You didn't have to
make him feel bad.
299
00:14:12,201 --> 00:14:13,819
Did you not hear me rave
about the stuffed mushrooms?
300
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:15,353
Come on.
301
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:20,141
Hey, Danny, we're kinda
in the middle of dinner.
302
00:14:20,209 --> 00:14:21,743
Yeah, this won't take long.
303
00:14:23,879 --> 00:14:25,980
What are you doing here?
304
00:14:26,048 --> 00:14:27,149
You block my calls,
305
00:14:27,216 --> 00:14:28,750
my text messages
bounce back to me.
306
00:14:28,817 --> 00:14:29,817
What am I supposed to do?
307
00:14:29,885 --> 00:14:31,452
Well, you don't come
to where I work.
308
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,221
The Palmers are trying
to have their dinner.
309
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,440
Well, you know how I get
when my asthma acts up.
310
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,758
Oh, I guess that's my fault.
311
00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:38,360
It is when you borrow
my vacuum cleaner
312
00:14:38,427 --> 00:14:40,362
with the hepa filter.
313
00:14:40,429 --> 00:14:41,662
Uh, Spence if you'd like
314
00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,664
to take your 15 minute
dinner break right now-
315
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,183
no, no. I will take
my dinner break
316
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,919
when the dishes are done
and I've run your bath.
317
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,721
What about my bath, huh?
318
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:52,090
Oh. Oh, I see what
this is about.
319
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,624
This isn't about me working.
320
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:55,626
This is about me not waiting
on you hand and foot.
321
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,979
No, it's about you not
doing your part at home.
322
00:14:58,047 --> 00:15:00,515
You haven't cooked me a
hot meal in over 2 weeks!
323
00:15:00,583 --> 00:15:01,816
Oh, I-I-
324
00:15:01,884 --> 00:15:02,884
ok, fine.
325
00:15:02,952 --> 00:15:03,985
You know what? Here.
326
00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:07,522
Here's some shrimp,
some garlic bread,
327
00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:10,492
aged pepperino.
328
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:11,793
Sit. Sit down.
329
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:12,977
All right, you know what,
we're gonna go to bed.
330
00:15:13,096 --> 00:15:14,028
We got to get up early, so-
331
00:15:14,097 --> 00:15:15,297
really tired. Fine.
332
00:15:15,364 --> 00:15:16,931
Oh. All right.
333
00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:21,702
Work my fingers to the bone.
334
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,493
Hmm.
335
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:29,861
What?
336
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,413
What do you want me to say?
337
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,815
Delicious.
338
00:15:35,617 --> 00:15:37,118
It's not too oily?
339
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,803
A little.
340
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:42,240
But you know that's
how I like it.
341
00:15:55,638 --> 00:15:57,071
Hey, babe. Hey.
342
00:15:57,139 --> 00:15:58,072
How's it going?
343
00:15:59,409 --> 00:16:01,509
You know what some guy said
on the phone to me today?
344
00:16:01,577 --> 00:16:03,945
"What country are you from?"
345
00:16:04,012 --> 00:16:07,281
Do I not sound American?
346
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:09,484
That's crazy. That's crazy.
347
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,056
Could you get me something
out of the fridge?
348
00:16:15,124 --> 00:16:16,925
What do you need, honey?
349
00:16:16,993 --> 00:16:20,294
A... relish.
350
00:16:20,362 --> 00:16:21,479
What for?
351
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:23,365
I just forgot what
it smells like.
352
00:16:23,432 --> 00:16:25,700
I can't remember.
353
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:28,070
Not for the life
of me, you know.
354
00:16:31,674 --> 00:16:33,041
What's that?
355
00:16:33,108 --> 00:16:34,593
Oh, yeah.
356
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,629
Major felt bad that, uh, he
didn't draw you at the barbecue,
357
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:41,799
so... there you are.
358
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:45,670
Well, enjoy your trip
down memory Lane.
359
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,171
Thank you.
360
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,859
So I say to the guy, "if
I don't sound American"-
361
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:53,562
man, he's got some
skills, too, doesn't he?
362
00:16:53,629 --> 00:16:55,713
Looks exactly like you.
363
00:16:57,666 --> 00:17:00,936
Exactly like me? I look
like a little boy.
364
00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:03,004
Oh, my God. I just...
365
00:17:03,072 --> 00:17:04,105
Totally put my foot in my mouth.
366
00:17:04,173 --> 00:17:06,191
I'm sorry.
367
00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:07,659
What are you talking about?
368
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,477
'Cause I just said it
looked exactly like you,
369
00:17:09,545 --> 00:17:11,513
and you said it looks
like a little boy.
370
00:17:11,581 --> 00:17:13,981
Which means you look
like a little boy.
371
00:17:14,049 --> 00:17:16,684
Whatever. I'm gonna
go take a shower.
372
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,862
Carrie, I'm so sorry
about all this.
373
00:17:26,929 --> 00:17:27,962
About what?
374
00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,998
The picture that
major drew of you.
375
00:17:30,065 --> 00:17:31,700
I see how upset you are.
376
00:17:31,768 --> 00:17:34,569
You know, it's like he just doesn't
care who he hurts, this little guy.
377
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,288
I'm fine with it.
378
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:37,656
Hmm. No, you're not.
379
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,524
But I'll tell you what you are.
380
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,860
You're brave.
381
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:48,449
Hmm.
382
00:17:48,517 --> 00:17:49,951
What-what's that?
383
00:17:50,018 --> 00:17:52,621
I mean, all of a sudden
I'm, like, self-conscious.
384
00:17:52,688 --> 00:17:53,855
Stupid, right?
385
00:17:53,923 --> 00:17:55,156
No, not at all.
386
00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:58,092
I mean, your dad saw something
wrong with his picture
387
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,093
and he did something about it.
388
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,630
Hats off to him.
389
00:18:01,697 --> 00:18:04,099
There is something that...
390
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,300
Forget it. Forget it.
391
00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:06,034
Oh, ok, yeah.
392
00:18:06,102 --> 00:18:07,118
I'll just forget about it
393
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:08,320
and just let my girl
suffer in silence.
394
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:10,589
Come here, baby. Talk to me.
395
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,123
Ok, well...
396
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,425
There is something that
I've always wanted
397
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:15,793
to change about my body.
398
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:18,430
Oh, my God, do you think I
should do something about it?
399
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:21,082
Look, you know I love you
400
00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:23,885
and think you're beautiful
just the way you are,
401
00:18:23,953 --> 00:18:26,220
but if you feel you
want something changed
402
00:18:26,288 --> 00:18:30,992
or... augmented,
403
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:34,128
I just want you to know
I'm there for you.
404
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,398
You know what, I'm gonna do it.
405
00:18:37,466 --> 00:18:41,435
I'm gonna get calf implants!
406
00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:44,822
Now, is calf a brand name or...
407
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,125
No, no. I mean, I
looked into it once
408
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:48,226
and they're pretty pricey,
409
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,494
but I could finally
have the shape
410
00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:50,661
that I've always wanted.
411
00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:52,397
You know, my legs will
really pop on the subway.
412
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,066
Honey, thank you!
413
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,317
Oh! Yeah!
414
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,752
Yeah! Ok.
415
00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:59,621
Ooh, I'm gonna Google
a doctor right now.
416
00:18:59,689 --> 00:19:01,172
Oh, you gotta do it right away.
417
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,073
Get on it.
418
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,457
Ok!
419
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:13,234
Arthur, what are you eating?
420
00:19:13,302 --> 00:19:16,604
Salt water Taffy.
421
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,757
But the dentist said you're not
supposed to eat anything sticky.
422
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,007
I don't care.
423
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,292
But it'll wreck your braces.
424
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:24,729
Good. I hate them!
425
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,147
What?
426
00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:28,733
They teased me at the
senior center today.
427
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,870
Metal mouth, brace face.
428
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:34,372
They were as cruel
as they were clever.
429
00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:38,293
Well, these braces are
coming off right now.
430
00:19:38,361 --> 00:19:39,694
Are you kidding me?
431
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,996
Hey, I spent $3,800
on your braces,
432
00:19:42,064 --> 00:19:44,165
and I'm about to spend
a couple grand more
433
00:19:44,233 --> 00:19:46,501
on a part of Carrie's body
that I don't even look at!
434
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,903
You put them down!
435
00:19:48,971 --> 00:19:51,740
My body, my choice.
436
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:52,924
Aah! Arthur!
437
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:56,811
Yeah, so can you give me,
like, Kelly ripa's calves?
438
00:19:56,879 --> 00:19:58,146
Give 'em to me! No!
439
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:00,682
Ow! You bit me!
440
00:20:00,750 --> 00:20:03,251
I hope you have a tetanus shot.
441
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,504
No, no, everything's fine.
442
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,272
That's-that's just the TV.
443
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,942
Ahem. So how's Wednesday?
444
00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:38,707
Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
30791
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