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1
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,186
Doug, just admit it.
2
00:00:05,254 --> 00:00:07,389
Carrie, I was not crying, okay?
3
00:00:07,456 --> 00:00:10,458
Come on, it was a sad
movie, it's okay to cry.
4
00:00:10,527 --> 00:00:13,261
For the last time, I got
nacho sauce in my eye
5
00:00:13,329 --> 00:00:16,464
and yeah, there were tears,
but they were snack-related.
6
00:00:16,533 --> 00:00:20,301
Okay, 'cause I thought I saw
a different side of you
7
00:00:20,369 --> 00:00:22,938
and it, uh, kind
of turned me on.
8
00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:25,273
Oh, me crying turns you on.
9
00:00:25,341 --> 00:00:26,139
Yes, that's right.
10
00:00:26,164 --> 00:00:28,308
Tell you the truth, I
was actually thinking
11
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:31,129
of doing the, uh,
birthday thing for you.
12
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,548
Oh, yeah, okay, the
birthday thing.
13
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:34,283
Yeah, that's right.
14
00:00:34,308 --> 00:00:35,683
But it doesn't really
matter now, does it?
15
00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:38,977
Because you made it clear
that you were not crying.
16
00:00:39,002 --> 00:00:42,371
Wait, Carrie, wait.
17
00:00:43,852 --> 00:00:44,543
I was crying.
18
00:00:44,568 --> 00:00:45,419
Oh, shut up.
19
00:00:45,444 --> 00:00:47,245
No, I was, I mean...
20
00:00:47,570 --> 00:00:52,093
When the baby penguin, you
know, died, after the parents
21
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:55,053
tried to save it through
the long winter...
22
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,301
I don't know, it just got to me.
23
00:00:56,326 --> 00:00:57,760
It did.
24
00:00:58,257 --> 00:01:01,166
You see, I knew you were crying.
25
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,094
How about the birthday thing?
26
00:01:04,119 --> 00:01:05,853
Yeah, right.
27
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,118
Thank you guys so much
for having us over.
28
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:43,813
This is great.
29
00:01:43,838 --> 00:01:46,005
Yeah, you two freaks can cook.
30
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,690
Well, I figured it was
time to reciprocate.
31
00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:50,293
You guys have us
over all the time.
32
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,061
We actually don't have you over.
33
00:01:52,129 --> 00:01:53,595
You just come.
34
00:01:55,398 --> 00:01:58,501
Sometimes when we're not there.
35
00:01:58,569 --> 00:02:00,670
We found stuff.
36
00:02:04,108 --> 00:02:07,676
Well, uh, tonight is a
very special occasion.
37
00:02:07,744 --> 00:02:08,777
It is?
38
00:02:08,845 --> 00:02:09,979
Yeah.
39
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,682
This is may 15th, the
2 year anniversary
40
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:16,919
of when we moved in together.
41
00:02:16,987 --> 00:02:20,656
Somebody's gettin'
lucky tonight.
42
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,825
Actually, I am.
43
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,444
I was kidding.
44
00:02:25,511 --> 00:02:29,682
No, we made a deal, I
get the big bedroom.
45
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,433
Remember?
46
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:36,138
If after two years
we're too poor to move
47
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:38,541
and still have no girlfriends,
48
00:02:38,608 --> 00:02:40,142
the big bedroom
reverts to Spence.
49
00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:44,480
Well, we're still poor
and we're still single.
50
00:02:44,548 --> 00:02:45,831
Yeah, well, you know what?
51
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,132
I'm not moving into
that mop closet.
52
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,533
No, I have it in writing.
53
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,570
Oh yeah, oh, okay,
well, now you don't.
54
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,356
That napkin is binding.
55
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,074
Yeah, well then don't eat it.
56
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,976
Hey, you are moving your
stuff out of my room.
57
00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,077
No, I'm not.
58
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,312
Okay, you know what,
this is so typical.
59
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,605
You never give back money
when I loan it to you.
60
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:03,816
You never clean up after
yourself and now this?
61
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:04,817
I'm tired of it.
62
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,018
You know what I'm tired of?
63
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,821
Your big fat head.
64
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,756
Yeah, well, I'm
tired of your head.
65
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,141
Happy anniversary.
66
00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:13,942
Happy anniversary to you.
67
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:21,733
That ice cream cake we
brought needs to sit out.
68
00:03:29,826 --> 00:03:31,159
Oh my God.
69
00:03:31,227 --> 00:03:32,928
Dad, are you okay?
What happened?
70
00:03:32,996 --> 00:03:35,064
He's okay, he just
inhaled a little smoke.
71
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,348
Smoke from what?
72
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:37,716
There was a small
fire in the basement.
73
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,185
But thank God nobody got hurt.
74
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:42,188
For what it's worth, I'd
say it's not a great idea
75
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:44,690
to have him making bacon next
to an open can of gasoline.
76
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:48,393
I told you not to
cook down there.
77
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:49,561
You banned me from the kitchen!
78
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,447
Okay, I swear, I'm gonna kill...
79
00:03:51,514 --> 00:03:52,648
You know everybody, you
might want to look away
80
00:03:52,716 --> 00:03:53,950
because I am going to kill him!
81
00:03:54,017 --> 00:03:54,967
Honey.
82
00:03:55,118 --> 00:03:56,452
No, I'm sick of it,
Carrie, I'm sick of him.
83
00:03:56,519 --> 00:03:58,720
Doug, take it easy, he's
been through a lot.
84
00:03:58,788 --> 00:03:59,939
Okay, Lou, please
stay out of this.
85
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:03,308
You would not want to
see me when I'm angry.
86
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:11,116
So my dad's gonna
sleep in the office.
87
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,317
The basement is kind of flooded.
88
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,236
Yeah, I know, I was
thinking we could turn
89
00:04:14,304 --> 00:04:16,271
it into a wet-and-wild.
90
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,391
Doug, look, I know
you're a little upset.
91
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,092
A little upset, Carrie, we
could have lost everything
92
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,093
down there, everything!
93
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,195
Doug, listen to me.
94
00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:25,147
No, okay, my baseball
card collection,
95
00:04:25,214 --> 00:04:27,949
my cd's, my ab roller.
96
00:04:29,886 --> 00:04:31,820
Doug, just shut up and listen
to me one second, okay?
97
00:04:31,888 --> 00:04:33,455
What?
98
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,674
Look, I've been thinking
about this a lot and
99
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:38,043
I think it's time to do
something about my dad.
100
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:42,781
You want to do the pillow thing
we saw on law and order?
101
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:46,468
No.
102
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,137
I'm thinking that
maybe we should...
103
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,806
Find someplace else
for him to live.
104
00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:52,591
Are you serious?
105
00:04:52,658 --> 00:04:54,993
For the last 8 years, every
time he does something stupid
106
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,561
like steals money
out of your wallet
107
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,864
or throws the remote
control across the room
108
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,934
because he said Matt
lauer stole his haircut,
109
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:04,603
I've always defended him,
but it's not fair to you.
110
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:05,738
It's not fair to us.
111
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,106
It isn't fair to us.
112
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,108
So, what do you want to do?
113
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:11,409
Well, I think tomorrow
maybe we should start
114
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,946
looking at some
retirement homes for him.
115
00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:16,515
Or, how about right now.
116
00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:18,350
Now look, we got one over
here in red meadows.
117
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,185
You know what, no
bells and whistles
118
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,186
but it really gets the job done.
119
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,587
Come, sit, sit, sit.
120
00:05:24,274 --> 00:05:25,357
Now, this one here
is my favorite,
121
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,593
not to far away, it's pretty
much in our price range
122
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,728
and I'm tellin' you,
he's gonna like it.
123
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,063
Oh my God, my hands are shaking.
124
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:39,138
Doug, I don't know, the rooms
look so small and depressing.
125
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:42,274
You know what, you'll
never see it again.
126
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,159
Look, I didn't want to
have to go expensive
127
00:05:43,226 --> 00:05:45,528
but if we gotta do it,
that's what we gotta do.
128
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:46,995
Here we go, not a problem.
129
00:05:47,063 --> 00:05:48,964
Hey, look how nice this one
is here, huh, look at them.
130
00:05:49,032 --> 00:05:50,732
Look at them in the pool,
they gotta pool, look at
131
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,803
the old people,
they're aqua-dancing.
132
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,189
Hey, man.
133
00:06:14,257 --> 00:06:16,225
All right, very funny,
where's all my stuff?
134
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:19,378
Uh, I moved it into your room.
135
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,630
This is my room.
136
00:06:21,698 --> 00:06:23,315
I don't think so, unless,
uh, this is your
137
00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:28,386
warriors of grun poster,
starring one Tony Danza.
138
00:06:29,706 --> 00:06:31,340
Okay, what do you
think, I'm an idiot?
139
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,175
I'll just move everything back.
140
00:06:33,243 --> 00:06:35,377
Let me get out of your way.
141
00:06:49,192 --> 00:06:50,492
You bolted everything down.
142
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,211
Yeah, and one of my things
has an electric current
143
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,949
running through it, I'll let
you find that for yourself.
144
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,905
Flat screen will go
right there, right?
145
00:07:03,973 --> 00:07:06,208
Air hockey table over here
with, like, a hot dog cart.
146
00:07:06,276 --> 00:07:07,709
And how about this,
I'm just thinkin',
147
00:07:07,777 --> 00:07:11,930
one of those chairs that takes
me up and down the stairs, huh?
148
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:15,266
Fun now, necessary later.
149
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:17,702
So does Arthur know he's
getting the boot yet?
150
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,522
Yeah, we broke it to him
last night at sizzler.
151
00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:21,706
How'd it go?
152
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,858
Not as well as we thought.
153
00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:25,260
He held his breath a couple
minutes and he bit a waiter.
154
00:07:25,328 --> 00:07:29,682
Okay, well anyway, is
anything valuable in here?
155
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,517
It's all soaked.
156
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:32,951
I don't know, why don't
you just open it up.
157
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,786
Man.
158
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,129
What the hell is this stuff?
159
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,998
It's playbills.
160
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,399
Fiddler on the roof?
161
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,067
The iceman cometh?
162
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,653
Is that Arthur?
163
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:52,854
Yeah, looks like him.
164
00:07:52,922 --> 00:07:54,990
Hey, I didn't know
he was an actor.
165
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,458
Neither did I.
166
00:07:56,526 --> 00:07:59,945
Well, we had a bomb scare
in the Bronx yesterday.
167
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,914
But it turned out
to be a cantaloupe.
168
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:08,587
Requesting permission to
have a glass of water.
169
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,289
Arthur, you don't need to ask
permission about everything.
170
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:13,008
Of course I do, I'm a
guest in your house.
171
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:16,078
At least until you throw
me out into the street.
172
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,930
Hey, what is this stuff?
173
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,331
Where did you get that?
174
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:21,299
Down in the basement.
175
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:24,102
Yes, locked up in my trunk.
176
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,304
How dare you go through
my private things!
177
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:27,973
You go through my
stuff all the time.
178
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,641
That is a lie!
179
00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:31,876
Arthur, yesterday I caught
you eating my chap stick.
180
00:08:35,881 --> 00:08:37,649
Now what is this?
181
00:08:37,716 --> 00:08:40,885
Look, you were in TV shows
and in Broadway plays.
182
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:43,388
You got pay stubs here for,
like, thousands of dollars.
183
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,223
What's going on?
184
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,593
It was always my dream
to be an actor.
185
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,227
I was a natural.
186
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,529
In fact, I was often compared
187
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:54,032
to a younger, shorter
Fred mcmurray.
188
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:58,070
What happened, why is there
a stubby Fred mcmurray
189
00:08:58,137 --> 00:08:59,771
living in my basement?
190
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:05,393
The sixties happened, it
was a time of free love.
191
00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:10,065
One evening, I met a
gorgeous young dancer.
192
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,833
We had a wild night, Douglas.
193
00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:15,904
In the bed, in the shower, we
destroyed a beanbag chair.
194
00:09:18,441 --> 00:09:21,610
Back to the acting.
195
00:09:21,677 --> 00:09:26,582
Anyway, nine months later...
196
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:29,952
Carrie was born.
197
00:09:30,019 --> 00:09:31,887
I never acted again.
198
00:09:31,955 --> 00:09:33,188
Why not?
199
00:09:33,256 --> 00:09:35,591
Because in the performing arts
you never know when you're
200
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,527
working, where you're working.
201
00:09:38,595 --> 00:09:40,295
That's no way to raise a child.
202
00:09:40,363 --> 00:09:41,530
So you just...
203
00:09:41,598 --> 00:09:44,650
You stopped, I mean you
just gave up your dream?
204
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,017
All for Carrie?
205
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:51,373
Yes, I decided to
become a 9-to-5 Charlie
206
00:09:51,441 --> 00:09:54,376
and give her the stable
life she deserved.
207
00:09:54,444 --> 00:09:57,795
But you've never held a job
for more than a month.
208
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,234
I didn't say it worked out.
209
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,570
I'm home.
210
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:05,738
Does she know about this?
211
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,574
No, and promise me
she never will.
212
00:10:21,605 --> 00:10:23,239
Hey, buddy.
213
00:10:23,306 --> 00:10:25,006
Yeah, this is real mature.
214
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:27,375
Yeah, well, I'm not the one
who bolted my pottery wheel
215
00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:28,443
to the floor.
216
00:10:28,511 --> 00:10:30,363
You know what, I'm not leaving.
217
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,532
In fact...
218
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,869
I'm never leaving.
219
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:38,871
Well, neither am I, and f.Y.I.,
220
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:42,841
I have 9 sick days and I'm
not afraid to use 'em.
221
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:45,461
I'll quit my job.
222
00:10:45,529 --> 00:10:48,764
I'm about to be replaced by a
Metro card machine anyway.
223
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:55,921
Hey!
224
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:59,225
There's the man I love.
225
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,026
Whoa, I guess somebody
hit Margarita madness
226
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,928
on the way home, huh?
227
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,947
No, but I did hit happy hour
228
00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:08,116
at the north shore
retirement village.
229
00:11:08,184 --> 00:11:09,868
Whoa, sounds
rockin', how was it?
230
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,320
Oh my God, Doug,
he's gonna love it.
231
00:11:11,387 --> 00:11:12,755
I mean, they have ping-pong,
crafts, and every Friday
232
00:11:12,823 --> 00:11:15,624
is make your own sundae
and movie night.
233
00:11:15,692 --> 00:11:16,575
Maybe we should
move in there and
234
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,743
give him the house.
235
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:18,877
I know, right?
236
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,446
Anyway, I filled
out the paperwork.
237
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,315
He has orientation on
Saturday, he moves
238
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:25,517
in on Sunday and then you
got your basement back.
239
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,004
Yeah, I'm gonna throw
something out at you.
240
00:11:28,071 --> 00:11:30,839
Little bit of a curveball.
241
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:31,991
What are you talking about?
242
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:35,160
I see you got your game face on.
243
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,279
You're taking your lemons
244
00:11:37,347 --> 00:11:39,765
and you're trying
to making lemonade.
245
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,151
But you don't have to, Carrie.
246
00:11:43,219 --> 00:11:45,487
Look, you're my wife and
I know he's your dad.
247
00:11:45,555 --> 00:11:47,273
If you want him
here, he can stay.
248
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,909
Now come on, bring it in.
249
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,779
Ow!
250
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,614
What are you doin' to me here?
251
00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:57,283
What are you talking about?
252
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:58,600
This has been the hardest
decision for me to make, Doug.
253
00:11:58,668 --> 00:12:00,502
I finally convinced
myself that putting
254
00:12:00,570 --> 00:12:03,405
my dad in a retirement home was
the best thing for everybody.
255
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:06,374
Now your sittin' here
talking about lemonade?
256
00:12:06,442 --> 00:12:08,794
I'm just saying I realized
that, you know what,
257
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:11,130
I don't mind having him around.
258
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:12,865
Oh, really you don't mind it?
259
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,601
You were swinging a rake
at him the other day.
260
00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:17,019
That's how we play, okay?
261
00:12:17,087 --> 00:12:18,904
Oh, come on.
262
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,706
I'm just saying, Carrie,
he's not such a bad guy.
263
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,944
And I just, I got a feeling
he's done some pretty nice
264
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:26,245
things in his life for you.
265
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,648
Oh, really? Name one.
266
00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:34,436
That's what I thought.
267
00:12:46,949 --> 00:12:50,018
Arthur, what are you
still doing up?
268
00:12:50,086 --> 00:12:52,187
Uh, I couldn't sleep.
269
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:56,174
Can I interest you in
some of your scotch?
270
00:12:57,711 --> 00:13:00,946
Listen, I want to tell Carrie
about the acting thing.
271
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,080
Absolutely not.
272
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,600
Listen, I think if she
knows about it, you know,
273
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:08,770
she may change her mind and you could...
stay here.
274
00:13:08,838 --> 00:13:12,858
So you're saying
you want me here?
275
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:17,129
No, I don't want you here, no.
276
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:21,099
I'm used to the noise,
you know, so, uh,
277
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,535
can I tell Carrie?
278
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,070
Douglas, I've done a lot
of things in my life
279
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,939
I'm not proud of.
280
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,708
I've written thousands
of bogus checks.
281
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:33,178
I started forest fires.
282
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,380
I sucker punched a lady cop.
283
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,185
But the one good thing
I've done in my life
284
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:44,156
is to not let her
know about this.
285
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,491
And when I get to those pearly
gates that's all I got.
286
00:13:48,011 --> 00:13:51,246
I'm just saying, look, I'm
gonna take out a loan.
287
00:13:51,314 --> 00:13:53,248
And I'm gonna turn that
basement into my media room.
288
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:56,318
So I'm just sayin', look,
this is your last chance.
289
00:13:56,385 --> 00:14:01,290
Douglas, pull the trigger
on that media room.
290
00:14:01,357 --> 00:14:03,359
You sure that's what you want?
291
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:08,496
What I want is that you and
Carrie have a wonderful life
292
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:10,199
because you deserve it.
293
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,437
Thanks, Arthur.
294
00:14:15,505 --> 00:14:16,705
You know what?
295
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,340
I don't think you're
gonna have any trouble
296
00:14:18,408 --> 00:14:20,075
getting into those pearly gates.
297
00:14:20,143 --> 00:14:22,845
Thank you, Douglas.
298
00:14:22,912 --> 00:14:24,546
Want to see me in a
prell commercial?
299
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,915
Let her rip.
300
00:14:31,521 --> 00:14:34,089
And this is our rec room,
301
00:14:34,156 --> 00:14:36,625
where the residents have a
full range of activities.
302
00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:39,227
They've got cards,
and board games
303
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,662
and penny bingo.
304
00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:42,531
Oh, that sounds like
fun, right, dad?
305
00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:43,832
Uh-huh.
306
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:47,736
Now, why don't I show you the
rooms that are available.
307
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,842
Dad, come on.
308
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,875
What are you doing?
309
00:15:26,943 --> 00:15:28,410
Ah, listening to music.
310
00:15:28,478 --> 00:15:32,130
Can you turn it down?
I'm trying to sleep.
311
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,515
Yeah, well, this whole thing
could have been over with
312
00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,884
if you just moved all your crap
back to where it belonged.
313
00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:36,818
No way.
314
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:39,037
Now come on, I gotta
get up early for work.
315
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:42,174
That's if I was going.
316
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,243
Fine, you big baby.
317
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:55,003
What's all this junk
all over the ceiling?
318
00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:57,372
Duh, it's the universe, genius.
319
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,942
Those are glow in
the dark stickers.
320
00:16:02,812 --> 00:16:04,813
I know, I know.
321
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,699
And that's the big
Dipper right over there.
322
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,868
No, that's Orion's belt.
323
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:13,071
Have you ever been
to a planetarium?
324
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,974
The big Dipper's way over there.
325
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,542
What, that thing?
326
00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:18,076
No, that's cassiopeia.
327
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,480
The big Dipper's right
there, see the handle?
328
00:16:21,497 --> 00:16:22,982
Oh, yeah.
329
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,451
Wow, you sure know a
lot about this stuff.
330
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,920
Hey, when you're
in the 10th grade
331
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:31,089
"and you're 4'10" and
still hairless,
332
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:35,260
this is...
333
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:39,231
This is something to
do on a Friday night.
334
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:45,354
So I want the projection
TV with the 6-foot screen
335
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,489
and the, uh, deluxe
surround sound.
336
00:16:47,557 --> 00:16:49,824
What size speakers
were you thinking?
337
00:16:49,892 --> 00:16:50,775
Let's put it this way.
338
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,777
I don't want the sound
just to surround me,
339
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,513
I want it in me.
340
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,116
I'll put you down for
the bronco package.
341
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,869
All right, bronco.
342
00:17:04,507 --> 00:17:06,291
Hey, art attack.
343
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,027
Douglas, can we talk for a sec?
344
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:10,028
Yeah.
345
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,597
Remember how you
wanted to tell Carrie
346
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,298
about my giving up
my dream for her?
347
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,866
Yeah.
348
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,769
Well, you can pull
the trigger on that.
349
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,203
What?
350
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:21,139
Yeah, that retirement home is
death, I don't want to go.
351
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,707
But, Arthur, it's too late.
352
00:17:22,859 --> 00:17:25,494
You already told me to pull the
trigger on the media room.
353
00:17:25,562 --> 00:17:27,212
I'm changing my mind.
354
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,747
But you said it was
the one good thing
355
00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:30,549
you did in your life, and
it was gonna get you
356
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:31,950
through the pearly gates.
357
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,519
Let's not kid ourselves,
I'm going to hell
358
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,287
and you know it!
359
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:37,556
Now pull the trigger.
360
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,558
Arthur, you are making me crazy.
361
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,393
These last few days, you're
going, you're staying.
362
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,894
Let me tell you something.
363
00:17:42,963 --> 00:17:44,696
Carrie is fine with you goin',
I'm fine with you goin'.
364
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,999
So you better get fine
with it, you got it?
365
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:52,137
So we'll put a pin in it?
366
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,109
All right, Doug, we're leaving.
367
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:00,061
Okay.
368
00:18:00,129 --> 00:18:02,280
All right, I'm gonna
pull the car around.
369
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,515
You guys say your
goodbyes, okay?
370
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,841
Well, uh, good luck, Arthur.
371
00:18:13,909 --> 00:18:15,560
Thank you.
372
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,529
And what can I say, except...
373
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,031
I hope you die, you fat pig.
374
00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:33,278
And to this day...
375
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:36,715
My dad still hasn't forgiven
me for quitting the saxophone.
376
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,984
I mean, he couldn't
grasp the fact that
377
00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,486
I had asthma and that every
time I played a song
378
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:44,455
I put my life on the line.
379
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,543
Well, at least your
dad stuck around.
380
00:18:48,611 --> 00:18:50,678
I mean, I've always
wondered, like,
381
00:18:50,747 --> 00:18:53,782
if I'd been taller
or better at sports,
382
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:55,450
maybe he would have stayed.
383
00:18:55,517 --> 00:18:59,104
Hey, do not blame
yourself, he left you.
384
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,989
Yeah, you're right.
385
00:19:02,325 --> 00:19:04,859
Oh my God, the sun's coming up.
386
00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:07,929
Wow, we've been
talkin' all night.
387
00:19:12,268 --> 00:19:13,368
Hey, you know what?
388
00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:15,203
You can have this room.
389
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,272
Really?
390
00:19:17,339 --> 00:19:18,339
Yep.
391
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,775
I made a promise to
you on that napkin
392
00:19:19,842 --> 00:19:21,076
and I'm gonna stick to it.
393
00:19:21,144 --> 00:19:22,928
I'm not going to be
like your father.
394
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,963
Hey, wait wait wait.
395
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,865
Maybe you don't
have to move out.
396
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:28,767
What do you mean?
397
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,034
If we shared a vanity we could
398
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:33,004
fit all our stuff in here.
399
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:35,674
Really?
400
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,843
Yeah, and we could
turn the other bedroom
401
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:38,977
into a sitting room.
402
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,161
I like sitting.
403
00:19:40,229 --> 00:19:41,613
Yeah, and you know
what, we could put
404
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,981
a fold-out couch
in there so if one
405
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,083
of us has a girl over
406
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,018
the other guy has
a place to crash.
407
00:19:46,086 --> 00:19:51,189
Yeah, might get more use out
of a foosball table, but...
408
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,992
Yeah, you're right.
409
00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:59,598
Hey, honey, I'm down here!
410
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:04,402
Hey, I have a great
night set up for us.
411
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,973
I have your favorite movies,
porky's, and pork rinds.
412
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,575
Huh, just you and
me in our house.
413
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,611
Honey, I gotta tell you,
the room looks great.
414
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,913
I mean, I really didn't think
all this stuff was gonna work
415
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,448
like this carpet, the
black and burgundy thing.
416
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:19,150
A little Danny terrio but
it does work in here.
417
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,669
And that jets helmet is...
418
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:26,441
I can't do this, Doug.
419
00:20:26,509 --> 00:20:28,527
I'm sorry, I tried, but I...
420
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:29,761
I want him back.
421
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,963
Please.
422
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,515
I promise, I will wash
him, I will feed him.
423
00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:38,019
You won't even know
that he's here, I prom-
424
00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:43,358
dad.
425
00:20:43,426 --> 00:20:44,359
There she is!
426
00:20:44,427 --> 00:20:46,061
Hi, welcome back.
427
00:20:46,128 --> 00:20:48,530
Oh, I'm so glad you're back.
428
00:20:48,598 --> 00:20:51,316
Thank you, it's good being back.
429
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:55,988
Although I'm not loving
the color scheme.
430
00:21:09,786 --> 00:21:12,688
This bronco package
is marvelous!
31243
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