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1
00:00:05,689 --> 00:00:07,455
Carrie, I need you!
2
00:00:07,523 --> 00:00:09,692
I'm working, dad!
3
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:12,027
My fish sticks are burning.
4
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,529
So take them out of the oven.
5
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,031
You said I wasn't
allowed near the oven.
6
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,233
Make up your mind, Mussolini!
7
00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:21,837
It's ok, dad.
8
00:00:21,905 --> 00:00:23,706
Where do you hide
the oven mitts?
9
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:28,276
I hide them on a
hook over the oven.
10
00:00:28,344 --> 00:00:30,512
All I see are pink puppets.
11
00:00:30,580 --> 00:00:33,615
Those are the oven mitts!
12
00:00:33,683 --> 00:00:35,483
They're both lefties!
13
00:00:39,455 --> 00:00:41,724
Have you been sitting
there this whole time?
14
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,926
Uh, yeah.
15
00:00:43,993 --> 00:00:47,196
Could you go in there and
please take care of this?
16
00:00:56,405 --> 00:00:57,339
Hey!
17
00:00:57,406 --> 00:00:59,208
Hey, hey! Those are mine!
18
00:01:00,844 --> 00:01:02,577
It's all taken care of.
19
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,246
Thanks, baby.
20
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:44,269
Hey, Arthur.
21
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,338
Ah, you're just in
time to join me
22
00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:48,474
in a bowl of fiber 4,000.
23
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:52,243
This stuff really shows
your colon who's boss.
24
00:01:52,311 --> 00:01:55,947
Um, not sure women have colons.
25
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:58,116
You don't know what
you're missing.
26
00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,351
Listen, Arthur,
27
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,453
I need to talk to you
about something,
28
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:02,888
I'm afraid I'm not
going to be able
29
00:02:02,955 --> 00:02:05,290
to walk you anymore. What?
30
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,726
I met a guy and he wants
me to move to Manhattan.
31
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,596
And so the dollar dance begins.
32
00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:13,765
Let's skip the fairy tale
and get to the real story.
33
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,400
You want a raise.
34
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,235
No, no, no. I'm quitting,
35
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:20,071
and I was kind of hoping
you'd give me your blessing.
36
00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:21,473
Hi, carr. Oh, hey.
37
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:25,244
Darling, you're just in time.
Holly has some "big news."
38
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:30,015
She's "moving" to "Manhattan"
with her "boyfriend."
39
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:33,619
Needless to say,
I'm "devastated."
40
00:02:35,287 --> 00:02:36,855
Hmm.
41
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,590
What's going on?
42
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,693
Well, I met a guy. I
mean, he's great.
43
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:44,730
He's sweet and funny and, boy,
44
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,065
when the lights go out, we just-
45
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:50,569
whoa, easy there, girl.
46
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,837
So, who is this guy?
How'd you meet him?
47
00:02:52,905 --> 00:02:55,374
Well, um... we met.
48
00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:58,010
We just met! He's amazing!
49
00:02:58,077 --> 00:03:00,779
Well, that answers that.
50
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,347
Yeah, and he says
we're gonna stay
51
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:03,882
in a penthouse in Manhattan,
52
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:04,917
and he can afford it
53
00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:06,785
'cause he owns his
own limo company.
54
00:03:06,852 --> 00:03:08,753
Riiiight.
55
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:10,255
What is it?
56
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,224
Nothing. It's just not the first
time you've walked in here
57
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,559
all excited about some
amazing guy you met,
58
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:17,662
and, well, it just hasn't
worked out that way.
59
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:19,430
What do you mean?
60
00:03:19,498 --> 00:03:20,332
Well, like the time
61
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:21,866
you were dating that
guy who told you
62
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,636
he was lieutenant
governor of New Jersey.
63
00:03:24,703 --> 00:03:26,404
Spike?
64
00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,339
Yeah.
65
00:03:28,407 --> 00:03:30,609
Yeah, he was probably lying.
Yeah. Yeah.
66
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,978
But Carl's different,
I just know it.
67
00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:34,178
And I hope so, you know,
68
00:03:34,246 --> 00:03:35,647
but before you uproot
your whole life,
69
00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:37,082
you know, you might
want to check out
70
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,917
if Carl really is
who he says he is,
71
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:41,786
you know, and that he's
really serious about you.
72
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:43,021
You're right. I mean,
what if I find out
73
00:03:43,088 --> 00:03:44,989
he's just another lying creep?
74
00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:46,525
Yep. Well, then I
get a call saying,
75
00:03:46,592 --> 00:03:48,627
"they cut me off at o'dooley's.
Can you drive me home?"
76
00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,261
And we get on with our lives.
77
00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:52,497
I've done that?
78
00:03:52,564 --> 00:03:54,766
Couple of times.
79
00:03:57,703 --> 00:03:59,337
You know something,
my dog is so upset
80
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,974
that Holly's not gonna
be walking him anymore,
81
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,409
last night, he peed
in my slippers.
82
00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:07,179
Actually, that was me.
83
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,581
Don't leave 'em
next to the toilet.
84
00:04:09,648 --> 00:04:11,382
You know I break right.
85
00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:13,384
At least you're consistent.
86
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,787
Arthur's like a golf
course sprinkler.
87
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,529
Hey, yo. Check out the menu.
88
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,130
Don't tell me they're bringing
back the tofu fingers
89
00:04:26,198 --> 00:04:28,299
'cause I swear to
God, I will walk.
90
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,468
No, man. They named a
sandwich after me.
91
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:31,536
What?
92
00:04:31,603 --> 00:04:34,239
"The Deacon." That is so cool!
93
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,107
Let me see that.
94
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:36,975
I guess paddy thought that combo
I came up with the other night
95
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,278
was good enough to
become a menu item.
96
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:40,512
Yeah, that's great.
There's only one problem.
97
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,380
It's my sandwich.
98
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,381
What are you talking about?
99
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,182
I'm the one who came
up with the idea
100
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:45,317
to make a club sandwich
101
00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:47,986
with ham, pastrami,
onion rings and gravy.
102
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,455
But I got rid of the ham
and replaced the gravy
103
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:52,190
with a dab of horseradish.
104
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:54,259
Yeah, but I invented it.
105
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,694
See, food to you,
it's just fuel.
106
00:04:56,762 --> 00:05:01,032
To me, it's an
unexplored country.
107
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:01,900
You should come back
108
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,869
'cause that country's
out of bacon.
109
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:07,172
By the way, I can get your
sandwich at any Bennigan's.
110
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,274
Guys, we're all friends
here, all right?
111
00:05:11,176 --> 00:05:12,777
Tell you what, let's
take a survey.
112
00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,746
Spence, whose sandwich
do you think it is?
113
00:05:18,517 --> 00:05:21,019
Please don't put
me in the middle.
114
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,621
This is just like
when my dad left.
115
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,023
Whatever, ok?
116
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:26,692
A real friend would make
this menu thing right,
117
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:27,792
and I guess you're
not a real friend.
118
00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,094
You know, shame on you.
119
00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:30,528
Why are you being such
a baby about this?
120
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:31,963
You're a baby 'cause
babies are always grabbing
121
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,466
what's not theirs.
That's classic baby!
122
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:37,269
So you guys ready to order?
123
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:40,638
Yeah, yeah, I'll have a "me."
124
00:05:40,706 --> 00:05:41,806
One Deacon.
125
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,942
Make it two.
126
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:48,680
Make it three.
127
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:50,816
Watch your back, little man.
128
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:55,954
Three deacons. And for you?
129
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,789
You know what,
130
00:05:57,856 --> 00:05:59,757
I seem to have lost my appetite.
131
00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:02,961
I'll just have a burger,
ok, with curly fries.
132
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,396
Don't do the steak
fries, last time they-
133
00:06:04,463 --> 00:06:06,664
just bring the curly fries.
134
00:06:06,732 --> 00:06:11,536
Excuse me, did I just hear
you created the Deacon?
135
00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:13,871
Yes. Yes, I did.
136
00:06:13,939 --> 00:06:16,574
I just had one. I loved it!
137
00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:18,209
Thanks, man.
138
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,979
Hate to impose, but
would you sign my menu?
139
00:06:21,046 --> 00:06:22,514
Oh, sure.
140
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,584
Could you make it out to Roger?
141
00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,385
Thanks so much.
142
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:32,657
"To Roger, keep on dreamin'."
143
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,561
That's original.
144
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:36,794
"Deacon Palmer."
145
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,905
I talked with Carl.
146
00:06:46,972 --> 00:06:49,474
Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
147
00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:50,708
It's better you find
out now, though.
148
00:06:50,776 --> 00:06:53,011
We're engaged!
149
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,012
What?!
150
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,213
Well, I did what you said.
151
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:56,814
I told him I needed to
know if he was serious,
152
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,016
and, boom,
153
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,050
right then and
there, he proposed.
154
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,751
And look what he bought me!
155
00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:02,753
Isn't it beautiful?
156
00:07:02,821 --> 00:07:06,557
Holly, Holly...
157
00:07:06,625 --> 00:07:08,559
When do we learn?
158
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,829
What's the matter?
159
00:07:10,896 --> 00:07:12,497
It was too easy.
160
00:07:12,564 --> 00:07:14,699
You say one word, and
the guy proposes,
161
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:15,733
and he just happens to have
162
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,569
a big, diamond ring to give you?
163
00:07:18,637 --> 00:07:20,405
You don't think it's real?
164
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:23,774
Baby, it's comically big.
165
00:07:23,842 --> 00:07:26,411
But Carl said-
166
00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,947
Carl's gonna say what you
want to hear, kitty Kat.
167
00:07:29,014 --> 00:07:31,182
You want to know the truth
about your little ring,
168
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,117
you go to a professional.
169
00:07:33,185 --> 00:07:34,819
It's flawless!
170
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:36,255
Really?
171
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:37,556
Really?!
172
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,091
Simply stunning.
173
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:42,027
Most diamonds have
a yellow tinge,
174
00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:45,697
small inclusions, and
tiny black spots.
175
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,635
But this? Superb!
176
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:53,805
And the cut, see how it
dances in the light?
177
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:55,440
Ok, settle down, you.
178
00:07:55,507 --> 00:07:57,275
Hesh! Heshy, come look at this!
179
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:58,710
All right, well, I
guess we can go now.
180
00:07:58,777 --> 00:08:00,312
Heshy hasn't see it yet.
181
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,549
I'm just saying can't we
call this "the Doug"?
182
00:08:04,616 --> 00:08:07,985
It already has a name.
It's a taco.
183
00:08:08,053 --> 00:08:10,689
No, it's taco topped with relish
and crumbled up saltines.
184
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:11,756
Hmm?
185
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,024
Come on, man, I got customers.
186
00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:14,226
How about this, ok?
187
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,161
You change hot dog
into a "hot Doug"?
188
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,063
You just grab the "u" from soup.
189
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,697
No one's ordering that
anyway, I got to tell you.
190
00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:20,532
Who's next?
191
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,666
Do not ignore me, Manny!
192
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:24,769
I built this roach coach,
and I can take her down.
193
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,504
Hey! Did you put me
on the sign-up sheet
194
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:27,939
to work Saturday?
195
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:29,874
Well, I know you like to put
your name on everything,
196
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,443
so I did you a favor.
197
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,311
You know it's my kid's
tenth birthday.
198
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:36,447
Good, then he's old enough to
know his dad's a glory hound.
199
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,182
You're pathetic. I'm pathetic?
200
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,151
Manny's naming an egg
salad sandwich after me.
201
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,887
Play ball with me, damn it.
202
00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:53,865
So what you're
telling me, Peter,
203
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:55,967
is that you'll walk
me for $1.00 less
204
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,336
than what my previous
Walker charged,
205
00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:03,775
plus complimentary sunscreen?
206
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:04,876
Hey, Arthur.
207
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,410
Ooh, how awkward!
208
00:09:06,478 --> 00:09:12,684
I was just interviewing
your potential replacement.
209
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,085
Oh, great. Great.
210
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,420
I just stopped by to
invite you to my thing
211
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,355
I'm having tomorrow
night at Cooper's.
212
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:18,423
Oh, yes, your elaborate ruse.
213
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,725
I mean, your going-away party.
214
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,527
Yes, yes, I'll be there.
215
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,195
Now if you'll excuse me,
Peter wanted to hear
216
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,265
all about my decades-long
pen-pal relationship
217
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,769
with Mr. Neil Sedaka.
218
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,003
Holly, is that you?
219
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,104
Yeah.
220
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:35,474
I'm in here. I just
googled your boyfriend!
221
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,310
Can I leave now? Not yet!
222
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:40,878
Ok.
223
00:09:40,946 --> 00:09:43,147
See, I put in Carl's
social security number
224
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:45,083
and his whole life, right here.
225
00:09:45,150 --> 00:09:47,552
How did you get his
social security number?
226
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,821
Excuse me, who's on
trial here, him or me?
227
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:52,957
So what did you find out?
228
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:56,495
Well, take a little look-see.
229
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,497
And it ain't pretty.
230
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:06,371
All it says here is that he's got a
couple of outstanding parking tickets.
231
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,006
Yeah, exactly, Holly.
232
00:10:08,073 --> 00:10:11,843
The guy thinks he can park
his car anywhere he wants.
233
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,012
What else is he parking
anywhere he wants?
234
00:10:14,079 --> 00:10:15,680
You know what I'm saying?
235
00:10:15,747 --> 00:10:18,116
Well, didn't you tell me that
Doug gets a lot of tickets?
236
00:10:18,183 --> 00:10:21,019
Yes, but he's just an idiot.
237
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:25,690
Ok, well, yeah,
thanks for checking.
238
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,425
Again, just making sure
you don't get hurt.
239
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:29,527
Yeah, again, thanks.
240
00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:31,295
Oh, do you know Carl's
mother's maiden name?
241
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:32,296
No.
242
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,166
It's ok, baby. I'll get it.
243
00:10:44,943 --> 00:10:46,477
Let me ask you a question.
244
00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:47,846
You work for a lawyer, right?
245
00:10:47,913 --> 00:10:49,714
I used to work for a lawyer,
246
00:10:49,781 --> 00:10:50,582
but for the last
year and a half,
247
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,550
I've worked for a
real estate firm.
248
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:54,285
Close enough.
249
00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:57,288
I want to file a lawsuit
or an injunction.
250
00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,424
I'll let you handle
the mumbo-jumbo.
251
00:10:59,491 --> 00:11:02,960
The point is, I want
Deacon behind bars.
252
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,729
What are you talking about?
253
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,297
I invented a sandwich, and
he's taking credit for it.
254
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,566
And where I come from,
that ain't right!
255
00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:11,703
You know what else ain't right?
256
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:15,406
This crappy-ass ring you got me.
257
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:18,643
Yeah, that's right.
258
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:21,312
Is it flawless? Does
it dance in the light?
259
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,014
Does it?! Does it?!
260
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,248
A little.
261
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,316
You move it around
kind of quick there.
262
00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:27,618
It's fine. What's your problem?
263
00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:29,821
I don't know. Holly
met this great guy
264
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,957
who bought her this
big, diamond ring,
265
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,726
and now they're moving to some
fancy apartment in Manhattan
266
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,929
that overlooks the park,
and, I don't know, it's-
267
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,931
it's everything I always wanted.
268
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:42,199
You're mad at me 'cause
I can't give it to you.
269
00:11:42,267 --> 00:11:44,569
No, I made peace with...
270
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,075
All right, cool.
271
00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:53,210
I guess I'm upset
'cause it's like
272
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:56,481
who is she to be living
my dream, you know?
273
00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:58,049
Exactly. And who's Deacon
to be living my dream?
274
00:11:58,117 --> 00:11:59,650
It's the same thing!
275
00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:03,922
Excuse me, my dream is to have
a decent quality of life,
276
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,257
your dream is to be a sandwich.
277
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,427
Yeah.
278
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:10,962
Doug, the point-you know what,
279
00:12:11,029 --> 00:12:13,030
I don't even have the
energy to argue with you.
280
00:12:13,098 --> 00:12:15,199
Just tell me what you want
to wear to Holly's party.
281
00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:16,467
I'll make sure it's clean.
282
00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:17,735
Oh, I'm not going to any party
283
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:20,004
where that man is going to be.
284
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,939
Doug, look, let's just agree
285
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:24,509
we both got a raw
deal here, all right?
286
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,344
But Deacon and Holly,
they're our friends.
287
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,481
We need to go to the party
and be happy for them, ok?
288
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:40,158
Look at 'em. "Oh,
we're so in love."
289
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,327
I need a bucket.
290
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:44,863
I thought you wanted to
be happy for our friends.
291
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:45,864
Oh, right.
292
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,332
Like you're happy for Deacon?
293
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,834
The man stole the one
thing in your life
294
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:53,170
you had going for you.
295
00:12:53,238 --> 00:12:55,973
Oh, hey, Carrie.
Great party, huh?
296
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:57,642
Yep.
297
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,411
You know, I never told you this,
298
00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:02,213
but I always kind of
had a thing for Holly.
299
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,315
I mean, I'm glad she met Carl.
300
00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,517
He seems like a
really great guy and-
301
00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:09,254
oh, grow some nuggets, will ya?
302
00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:10,455
What?
303
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,457
How many times did
the girl stumble
304
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,059
to your doorstep, blind drunk,
305
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,693
after walking that ugly,
little dog of yours,
306
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:18,263
and you still couldn't
close the deal?
307
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,098
You make me sick.
308
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:24,569
Dinner is served, y'all.
309
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:30,241
What is that?
310
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,043
A 6-foot Deacon.
You want a piece?
311
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:33,477
Oh, no, thank you.
312
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,046
Maybe if it had like
brown gravy on it
313
00:13:35,113 --> 00:13:36,814
instead of horseradish.
314
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,550
Wouldn't that make
it kind of soggy?
315
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:41,252
You're soggy.
316
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,253
What?
317
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,621
Walk away.
318
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,391
Very impressive.
319
00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:48,392
Thanks.
320
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:49,694
Just one note:
321
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,464
Next time you might want to
get a more convincing actor
322
00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,732
to play the part of your fiancé.
323
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,836
This guy belongs on a
bagel because he's a lox.
324
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,939
So, I bet the limousine business
325
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,174
has been very good to you, huh?
326
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,377
Well, it's a lot of
work, but I love it.
327
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:08,112
I bet you do.
328
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,448
What do you mean?
329
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,717
Come on, it's me.
It's late at night,
330
00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:16,855
you're driving some coked-up
supermodel to the airport,
331
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,756
and all of a sudden she's
in the front seat with you.
332
00:14:18,823 --> 00:14:22,059
"Oh, you own the company?
That's so hot."
333
00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:24,062
Um, Carrie,
334
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:25,730
can I talk to you in
private for a second?
335
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:27,699
Yeah, no problem. Be right back.
336
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,438
Ohh!
337
00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:39,043
Guy, you ok?
338
00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:44,115
I tell ya, this Deacon
or whatever you call it,
339
00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:46,951
it's so dry, I can't
even swallow it.
340
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,758
I need something to
make it more moist,
341
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,460
yet not soggy.
342
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:57,462
How about some water?
343
00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:59,764
No, that's not gonna
do anything for me.
344
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:02,232
I need something
smooth like gravy
345
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,334
or something like-
346
00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:09,507
oh, yeah.
347
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,642
Now that's a sandwich.
348
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:13,877
You know what, I've had
enough of your crap.
349
00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:15,079
Well, I've had enough of yours.
350
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,146
You wanna go?
351
00:15:16,214 --> 00:15:16,915
I would love to go!
352
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,782
Then let's go! I'm going!
353
00:15:18,850 --> 00:15:20,985
Come on!
354
00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:22,920
Yeah, I just really want to know
355
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,456
why you were groping my fiancé?
356
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,725
I was testing him.
357
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,059
And keep up with the attitude,
358
00:15:29,127 --> 00:15:30,795
I'm gonna stop helping you.
359
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,997
Helping me? You're
trying to ruin it.
360
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,600
Ruin it? Why would
I want to ruin it?
361
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,001
I don't know. Maybe
'cause you're mad
362
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,737
because, you know, I found
a really great guy.
363
00:15:39,804 --> 00:15:42,506
Excuse me, I have a
really great guy, too.
364
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,654
Look, did you ever have a friend
365
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,355
whose life sucked so bad
366
00:15:58,423 --> 00:16:00,892
that it made you feel
better about your own?
367
00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:02,794
What? No.
368
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:06,163
Well, I did, and it was you.
369
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:08,967
Oh!
370
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:12,269
Oh, I'm so sorry things
worked out for me. That's ok.
371
00:16:12,337 --> 00:16:15,005
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. Thank
you for understanding.
372
00:16:15,073 --> 00:16:17,275
You're welcome. You're welcome.
Thank you.
373
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:19,377
The car's here. We
should skedaddle.
374
00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:22,380
Ok, I'll be there
in a second, honey.
375
00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:25,049
"Skedaddle"?
376
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,485
I got to tell you,
my gaydar just went
377
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,154
boop, boop, boop.
378
00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:34,859
Good luck, sweetie.
379
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,227
Thanks.
380
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:40,164
Good-bye. Bye.
381
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,069
Another gin and tonic.
382
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,042
So your life must be
pretty crappy, huh?
383
00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,650
All right, you win.
384
00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:01,318
I'll convince Douglas
and Carrie to give you
385
00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:03,254
$1.00 more an hour. Arthur-
386
00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:05,589
I'll expect you to kick a
quarter of that back to me.
387
00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:08,560
Would you stop it? Why can't you
get this through your crazy head?
388
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:10,695
I'm leaving.
389
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,596
Really? Yes.
390
00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:15,800
And this is how I find out?
391
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:17,068
Sorry.
392
00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:22,373
You were the best dog Walker
a man could ever ask for.
393
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,875
Thank you, Arthur. And
of all my clients,
394
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,211
you were definitely
the most interesting
395
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:30,448
and the least distracted
by squirrels.
396
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,416
You're a terrible liar,
397
00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:34,719
but a marvelous person.
398
00:17:34,786 --> 00:17:38,723
You know, Carl's still inside.
399
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:40,524
I have time for one more walk.
400
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:41,692
On the house.
401
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,060
I'd like that.
402
00:17:45,430 --> 00:17:47,698
What say I treat you to
a lemon ice at Luigi's?
403
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:48,766
That'd be great.
404
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:49,834
By the way, did I ever tell you
405
00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:52,503
how I inspired Neil
sedaka's pop classic,
406
00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:54,038
Happy Birthday, sweet sixteen?
407
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,740
Yes, but I would love
to hear it again.
408
00:17:57,876 --> 00:18:01,179
Come on, gravy boat!
Whatcha got, huh?
409
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,747
Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys!
410
00:18:02,814 --> 00:18:04,282
Guys, I talked to paddy,
411
00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,184
and he agreed on a
compromise, ok?
412
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,951
He said he would
put back the ham
413
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:10,054
and he would use
horseradish and gravy,
414
00:18:10,121 --> 00:18:13,424
and he would call it
"the deacon/doug."
415
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:15,125
I don't know, man.
416
00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:16,694
Why is his name first?
Why is his name first?
417
00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:18,763
Ok, we'll call it "the double d"
418
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,898
and everybody's happy.
419
00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:33,961
5 minutes, Mr. Sedaka.
420
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,930
Thank you.
421
00:18:35,997 --> 00:18:37,498
"So I lost Holly,
422
00:18:37,566 --> 00:18:40,835
"and Peter's mother has
forbidden me from contact.
423
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:44,238
"On the plus side, the
fiber 4,000 continues
424
00:18:44,306 --> 00:18:48,042
"to do a Sterling job
on my nether regions.
425
00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:49,677
Thanks for the tip."
426
00:18:49,745 --> 00:18:52,313
Oh, Arthur, you keep me young.
30012
