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1
00:00:34,156 --> 00:00:36,256
I gotta tell ya, Mike, that is
one beautiful country club.
2
00:00:36,324 --> 00:00:38,024
Yeah, I'm glad I could
take you out, man.
3
00:00:38,092 --> 00:00:40,125
Say, you really love your golf.
4
00:00:40,193 --> 00:00:43,692
Well, of all the major sports, it's
the closest to just sitting down.
5
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,626
Seriously, thanks again, man.
6
00:00:46,694 --> 00:00:47,826
Yeah, well, thank you
for watching our place
7
00:00:47,894 --> 00:00:49,295
next week while
we're on vacation.
8
00:00:49,363 --> 00:00:50,394
That's what neighbors are for.
9
00:00:50,462 --> 00:00:52,061
Oh, and by the way,
in case of emergency,
10
00:00:52,129 --> 00:00:54,229
how do I turn on the hot tub?
11
00:00:55,230 --> 00:00:56,764
There's a dial on the
wall, go to town.
12
00:00:56,831 --> 00:01:00,697
Sweet. That resort you guys are
going to sounds pretty awesome.
13
00:01:00,765 --> 00:01:02,466
St. Croix? It's incredible.
14
00:01:02,534 --> 00:01:03,832
I'm gonna play golf
in the morning,
15
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:05,033
lie on the beach
in the afternoon,
16
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:07,034
and eat and drink all night.
17
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:10,034
Yuspa.
18
00:01:10,101 --> 00:01:11,968
Oh, hey, guys. How was golfing?
19
00:01:12,036 --> 00:01:13,102
Fantastic.
20
00:01:13,171 --> 00:01:14,870
And F.Y.I., if I ever leave you,
21
00:01:14,937 --> 00:01:16,404
it'll be for Mike.
22
00:01:17,771 --> 00:01:19,171
You're free to leave
at any point.
23
00:01:22,341 --> 00:01:23,340
Oh, hey, Deb.
24
00:01:23,407 --> 00:01:24,574
Hi. Hey, good, you
guys are back.
25
00:01:24,642 --> 00:01:25,708
What's up?
26
00:01:25,775 --> 00:01:27,173
Honey, I just got off
the phone with Claudia.
27
00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:29,742
Craig has to fly to Chicago
next week for some case.
28
00:01:29,810 --> 00:01:30,908
What about our trip?
29
00:01:30,976 --> 00:01:32,210
They can't go.
30
00:01:32,277 --> 00:01:33,811
I can't believe it!
31
00:01:33,878 --> 00:01:36,076
The Ostermans were supposed
to go with us to St. Croix.
32
00:01:36,144 --> 00:01:38,311
Oh, that's too bad.
33
00:01:38,379 --> 00:01:39,479
Listen, would you call the hotel
34
00:01:39,546 --> 00:01:40,545
and change the reservations?
35
00:01:40,613 --> 00:01:42,480
The package we got was for 4.
36
00:01:42,547 --> 00:01:44,046
Oh, right.
37
00:01:49,316 --> 00:01:51,316
Hey, listen, would you
guys have any interest
38
00:01:51,384 --> 00:01:52,551
in coming with us?
39
00:01:52,618 --> 00:01:53,750
Us?
40
00:01:53,817 --> 00:01:55,384
Yeah. Sure!
41
00:01:55,451 --> 00:01:56,418
Are you sure you're
not asking us
42
00:01:56,485 --> 00:01:57,918
'cause we just happen
to be standing here
43
00:01:57,986 --> 00:01:59,586
and it's awkward?
44
00:01:59,654 --> 00:02:00,820
No, we would love to have you.
45
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,053
Really? Yes, absolutely.
46
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,487
Are you sure? Yes!
47
00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:05,020
What difference does it make?
48
00:02:05,088 --> 00:02:07,355
We'll have a great time whether
they really want us there or not.
49
00:02:07,423 --> 00:02:08,689
We do.
50
00:02:08,757 --> 00:02:10,222
And, anyway, if this guy
doesn't have a golf buddy,
51
00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:11,623
he's gonna drag me along.
52
00:02:11,691 --> 00:02:13,356
Would you guys be
able to get off work?
53
00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,691
Well, I do have a lot of
vacation time built up.
54
00:02:15,759 --> 00:02:18,559
And my job can be
done by a monkey.
55
00:02:18,627 --> 00:02:20,693
These are the brochures
for the resort.
56
00:02:20,761 --> 00:02:22,193
They have all the
information, prices,
57
00:02:22,261 --> 00:02:23,994
stuff like that. Look 'em over,
58
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,162
and just let us know.
It'll be a good time.
59
00:02:26,228 --> 00:02:28,362
OK. Well, we'll call
you guys later. OK.
60
00:02:28,430 --> 00:02:30,496
All right. Bye.
61
00:02:30,563 --> 00:02:32,963
Wow! This place is beautiful!
62
00:02:33,031 --> 00:02:34,097
Oh, my God.
63
00:02:34,165 --> 00:02:37,032
Look how long the buffet is.
64
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,900
And there's no
mirror at the end.
65
00:02:38,967 --> 00:02:41,500
I'm hip to that trick.
66
00:02:41,567 --> 00:02:43,367
Uh-oh. What?
67
00:02:43,435 --> 00:02:45,568
Look at the room rates.
68
00:02:45,636 --> 00:02:47,869
Wow.
69
00:02:47,937 --> 00:02:52,070
Maybe that's in St. Croix money.
70
00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:55,005
You know, croiksies.
71
00:02:55,073 --> 00:02:57,741
Doug, I really don't think
we can afford this.
72
00:02:57,807 --> 00:02:59,507
Come on, we gotta go!
73
00:02:59,575 --> 00:03:01,107
Hey, you remember when Mike
and Debi first moved in?
74
00:03:01,175 --> 00:03:03,008
They thought we were freaks!
75
00:03:03,076 --> 00:03:05,176
Now we're their first choice when
they can't get their real friends!
76
00:03:05,243 --> 00:03:07,609
It's the comeback
story of the year!
77
00:03:07,677 --> 00:03:09,309
I know, and I want to go,
78
00:03:09,377 --> 00:03:10,377
it's just that we've never spent
79
00:03:10,445 --> 00:03:12,211
this much on a vacation before.
80
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,312
So? We deserve it.
81
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:16,080
All right, we work
our entire lives
82
00:03:16,148 --> 00:03:17,846
at pointless, dead-end jobs,
83
00:03:17,914 --> 00:03:21,381
and we come home to TV
and stupid chit-chat.
84
00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:24,782
What do you say?
85
00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:28,617
Well, you do have
me re-thinking us.
86
00:03:28,685 --> 00:03:30,084
I don't know.
87
00:03:30,152 --> 00:03:31,284
Come on! Hey!
88
00:03:31,352 --> 00:03:33,352
I will let you ride this turtle.
89
00:03:33,419 --> 00:03:35,252
Or this cabana boy.
90
00:03:37,287 --> 00:03:39,154
All right, you know what?
91
00:03:39,221 --> 00:03:40,421
What the hell, let's do it.
92
00:03:40,489 --> 00:03:42,488
I love you.
93
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,989
Hello, kids. Hey.
94
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,723
Whatcha got there?
95
00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:47,891
Oh, just some brochures.
96
00:03:47,959 --> 00:03:49,858
Actually, Dad, it looks
like we're going down
97
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,825
to the Caribbean next week.
98
00:03:51,893 --> 00:03:56,127
We are? Ooh, I'm so excited.
99
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,795
Well, I hope you're
excited for us.
100
00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:01,529
I see. Once again,
I humiliate myself
101
00:04:01,596 --> 00:04:04,363
by assuming I'm a
member of this family.
102
00:04:04,430 --> 00:04:05,997
Dad, we would love to take you,
103
00:04:06,065 --> 00:04:07,131
but we're going with
another couple,
104
00:04:07,198 --> 00:04:09,065
Mike and Debi from next door.
105
00:04:09,133 --> 00:04:13,833
Darling, your swinging lifestyle
is really none of my business.
106
00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:16,701
Just go on your fancy trip!
107
00:04:16,769 --> 00:04:18,001
Oh, come on, you'll
have fun without us.
108
00:04:18,069 --> 00:04:19,069
You can have Spence over,
109
00:04:19,137 --> 00:04:20,169
and we'll bring you
back something
110
00:04:20,236 --> 00:04:21,635
really nice from St. Croix.
111
00:04:21,703 --> 00:04:22,770
Oh, you really think
I can be bought off
112
00:04:22,837 --> 00:04:24,203
with some island trinket,
113
00:04:24,271 --> 00:04:26,404
a linen summer suit, 42-short?
114
00:04:26,472 --> 00:04:27,805
How insulting!
115
00:04:33,975 --> 00:04:35,374
You almost ready? Taxi's
gonna be here any second.
116
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,742
Yup. I just need to finish
labeling these meals
117
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,208
for my dad.
118
00:04:39,276 --> 00:04:40,575
I still think you should've
gotten one of those things
119
00:04:40,643 --> 00:04:41,975
they have for cats, you know,
120
00:04:42,043 --> 00:04:44,811
where the food falls directly
into the bowl when you hit it?
121
00:04:44,879 --> 00:04:47,712
I know he can learn
that, you know.
122
00:04:49,446 --> 00:04:52,414
Kids, sorry to be
the killjoy here,
123
00:04:52,481 --> 00:04:54,080
but I don't think
this is a good time
124
00:04:54,148 --> 00:04:56,081
for you to be going away.
125
00:04:56,149 --> 00:04:57,247
Why not?
126
00:04:57,315 --> 00:05:00,982
There's a very nasty odor
down in the basement.
127
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:04,551
Yes, and now it's
traveled up here.
128
00:05:06,219 --> 00:05:07,618
Old people smell.
129
00:05:07,686 --> 00:05:10,419
Cutting-edge humor, Douglas.
130
00:05:10,487 --> 00:05:12,387
What kind of odor, Dad?
131
00:05:12,455 --> 00:05:13,620
It's quite noxious.
132
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,954
I've been feeling light-headed
for several days.
133
00:05:16,021 --> 00:05:17,788
He's just making it up 'cause he
knows we're going away without him.
134
00:05:17,856 --> 00:05:19,188
That's not true.
135
00:05:19,256 --> 00:05:21,189
You pulled the same thing when
we were going to Ocean City.
136
00:05:21,257 --> 00:05:23,991
I had sweaty palms
and you know it!
137
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,158
Come on, there's the taxi.
138
00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:28,592
All right, honey, could
you just go down
139
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:31,327
and check it out, please?
140
00:05:31,395 --> 00:05:33,261
Fine.
141
00:05:33,329 --> 00:05:36,294
Come on, Arthur!
142
00:05:37,663 --> 00:05:39,330
OK, I'm smelling nothing.
143
00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:41,197
It's coming from this area.
144
00:05:41,265 --> 00:05:42,732
I tried to get the panel off,
145
00:05:42,799 --> 00:05:45,631
then I got woozy and
had to lie down.
146
00:05:51,301 --> 00:05:53,534
That doesn't smell that bad.
147
00:05:53,602 --> 00:05:54,768
What the hell is that?!
148
00:05:54,836 --> 00:05:57,002
It looks like some type of mold.
149
00:05:57,070 --> 00:05:58,336
Carrie: Hon, what's going on?
150
00:05:58,404 --> 00:06:00,003
Just a sec!
151
00:06:00,071 --> 00:06:02,371
Look, I got a taxi up there
152
00:06:02,438 --> 00:06:04,372
waiting to take me to paradise.
153
00:06:04,439 --> 00:06:06,773
Here's how it's gonna go down.
154
00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:10,441
First, we're gonna
close this up,
155
00:06:10,509 --> 00:06:15,576
then we're gonna close this up.
156
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,577
Carrie: Everything
OK down there?
157
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,977
Just fine and dandy!
158
00:06:20,044 --> 00:06:22,677
It's fine! And?
159
00:06:22,745 --> 00:06:23,979
I gave you fine,
160
00:06:24,047 --> 00:06:26,279
but I draw the line at dandy.
161
00:06:34,951 --> 00:06:37,383
Oh, the sky is so beautiful.
162
00:06:37,452 --> 00:06:39,451
Yeah, it's like an oil painting.
163
00:06:39,518 --> 00:06:43,886
Mmm, sea air smells
great, doesn't it, honey?
164
00:06:45,921 --> 00:06:49,154
Somebody around here
has potato chips.
165
00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:55,924
Thanks again for
lunch, you guys,
166
00:06:55,991 --> 00:06:57,223
and for payin' for the cabanas.
167
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:58,591
Oh, sure.
168
00:06:58,659 --> 00:07:00,725
Tomorrow night, dinner is on us,
169
00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:02,292
and I don't want to
hear any arguments.
170
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,626
All right. All right.
171
00:07:03,694 --> 00:07:07,093
I don't think we're hearing any.
172
00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:09,061
I hear they have this dish here,
it's called sizzling lobster.
173
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:10,195
It's supposed to be incredible.
174
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,963
Oh, well, slap a bib on me
175
00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:15,163
and watch my arteries close up.
176
00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:16,363
Is everything OK here?
177
00:07:16,431 --> 00:07:18,564
Delightful, or as you
French would say,
178
00:07:18,632 --> 00:07:20,165
It's delightful.
179
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,600
You folks look a little hot.
180
00:07:21,668 --> 00:07:22,767
Could I cool you off
181
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,266
with a mist of Evian water?
182
00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,533
Sure!
183
00:07:25,601 --> 00:07:28,168
You do work here, right?
184
00:07:29,335 --> 00:07:31,136
Close your eyes.
185
00:07:31,203 --> 00:07:33,702
Ohh. Oh, yeah. Ohh.
186
00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:37,571
You are very close
to being adopted.
187
00:07:37,639 --> 00:07:39,372
All right, well...
188
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,206
here you go.
189
00:07:41,274 --> 00:07:42,339
Thank you, Mr. Heffernan.
190
00:07:42,406 --> 00:07:43,774
You know what, here's
an extra 5.00.
191
00:07:43,842 --> 00:07:46,407
Soak through the girls'
tops, would you?
192
00:07:55,645 --> 00:07:58,245
Honey, where's my moisturizer?
193
00:07:58,314 --> 00:08:00,845
Doug: What?!
194
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:03,079
My moisturizer.
195
00:08:03,147 --> 00:08:04,415
I can't hear you.
196
00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:08,415
I'm in the other room
of our 2-room suite!
197
00:08:08,483 --> 00:08:10,549
Doug! Carrie?
198
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:12,016
Oy.
199
00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:16,285
How great are these robes, huh?
200
00:08:16,352 --> 00:08:18,820
We look like freakin'
polar bears.
201
00:08:18,888 --> 00:08:20,820
Stop! Stop!
202
00:08:30,391 --> 00:08:33,257
You moron! Oy!
203
00:08:37,794 --> 00:08:38,959
For what we're paying,
204
00:08:39,027 --> 00:08:41,060
I'm taking these robes home.
205
00:08:41,128 --> 00:08:43,295
Hey, we said we were
gonna forget about money
206
00:08:43,363 --> 00:08:44,496
and just enjoy this week, right?
207
00:08:44,563 --> 00:08:45,696
You're right, you're
right, you're right.
208
00:08:45,763 --> 00:08:46,896
And that means
treating the minibar
209
00:08:46,964 --> 00:08:48,930
like it's our
refrigerator at home.
210
00:08:48,998 --> 00:08:50,430
Wait, now I want you to
take a picture of me
211
00:08:50,499 --> 00:08:53,966
with this $25 disposable camera,
212
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,199
eating this $7.00 Twix.
213
00:08:55,266 --> 00:08:57,499
Come on here, right here.
214
00:08:57,567 --> 00:08:59,033
There you go.
215
00:09:01,235 --> 00:09:03,469
Stop!
216
00:09:03,536 --> 00:09:06,269
Oh, that's probably Mike
about golf tomorrow,
217
00:09:06,336 --> 00:09:08,336
but, you know what, I'm gonna
answer it in the sitting room
218
00:09:08,404 --> 00:09:11,005
'cause this phone, it bores me.
219
00:09:15,339 --> 00:09:16,373
Hello?
220
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,906
Douglas, it's Arthur Spooner.
221
00:09:20,376 --> 00:09:23,042
OK, last name's not necessary.
What's up?
222
00:09:23,109 --> 00:09:27,777
I had a Mr. Dick St. John
of Mold Masters over
223
00:09:27,845 --> 00:09:29,678
to look at the situation.
224
00:09:29,746 --> 00:09:31,145
Arthur, I told you
to leave it alone
225
00:09:31,213 --> 00:09:32,511
and just sleep upstairs.
226
00:09:32,579 --> 00:09:34,946
And I quote:
227
00:09:35,014 --> 00:09:37,314
"Large area of interior walls
228
00:09:37,381 --> 00:09:40,482
"infested with
stachybotrys-type growth,
229
00:09:40,550 --> 00:09:44,483
pipes and wiring also affected."
230
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:47,684
Well, did he say how much it
would cost to clean it up?
231
00:09:47,752 --> 00:09:50,419
And I quote:
232
00:09:50,486 --> 00:09:53,153
"To remove all mold,
233
00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:57,421
estimated cost $7,025."
234
00:09:57,489 --> 00:09:59,689
$7,000?
235
00:09:59,756 --> 00:10:01,589
Arthur: I'll await
further instructions.
236
00:10:01,656 --> 00:10:02,889
Good-bye.
237
00:10:08,893 --> 00:10:10,692
Hey, was that Mike? Huh?
238
00:10:10,759 --> 00:10:12,426
Uh, yeah. It was just Mikey.
239
00:10:12,494 --> 00:10:14,826
Hey, Doug. Say "Twix."
240
00:10:14,894 --> 00:10:16,860
Twix.
241
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,098
Arthur: All right,
what's the delay?
242
00:10:25,165 --> 00:10:26,698
Sometimes it takes
a little while
243
00:10:26,765 --> 00:10:27,830
to get on the Internet.
244
00:10:27,898 --> 00:10:30,666
It's who you know,
same old story.
245
00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:32,066
OK, we're online.
246
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:35,434
All right, now get me
the skinny on mold.
247
00:10:37,134 --> 00:10:38,967
They've got me living in that
petri dish of a basement
248
00:10:39,035 --> 00:10:40,369
for 5 years.
249
00:10:40,437 --> 00:10:41,836
I've gotta know what
it's done to me.
250
00:10:41,904 --> 00:10:44,970
OK, here we go. "Mold helpline."
251
00:10:45,038 --> 00:10:46,071
That's it.
252
00:10:46,138 --> 00:10:48,171
All right, Arthur,
have you suffered
253
00:10:48,239 --> 00:10:50,105
from any of the
following conditions?
254
00:10:50,173 --> 00:10:52,207
Nasal stuffiness? Check.
255
00:10:52,274 --> 00:10:54,474
Shortness of breath? Check.
256
00:10:54,542 --> 00:10:57,975
Loss of urinary control?
257
00:10:58,043 --> 00:10:59,475
Double check.
258
00:11:03,178 --> 00:11:04,411
All right, what else?
259
00:11:04,478 --> 00:11:06,878
Well, there's something here
260
00:11:06,946 --> 00:11:08,979
about how extended
exposure could lead
261
00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:11,915
to diminished mental
capabilities.
262
00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:13,981
Oh, God! I could lose my mind?!
263
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,314
Theoretically, yes.
264
00:11:15,382 --> 00:11:17,115
Spence, promise me this.
265
00:11:17,183 --> 00:11:20,316
If you start seeing even
the slightest indication
266
00:11:20,384 --> 00:11:23,450
of strange behavior on my part,
267
00:11:23,518 --> 00:11:25,751
I want you to kill me.
268
00:11:36,757 --> 00:11:38,322
Doug: Honey?
269
00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:39,357
Carrie: Yeah?
270
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,090
Do you know anything
about a charge
271
00:11:41,157 --> 00:11:44,625
in the gift shop for $13?
272
00:11:44,692 --> 00:11:47,659
Yeah, I bought a pack of gum.
273
00:11:47,727 --> 00:11:49,660
Oh, gum.
274
00:11:49,728 --> 00:11:51,861
OK, as long as it was
something important.
275
00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:56,963
OK, honey, now remember,
276
00:11:57,031 --> 00:11:59,030
we have dinner
reservations at 6:00,
277
00:11:59,097 --> 00:12:01,831
so try to get back
here from golf by 5:00
278
00:12:01,899 --> 00:12:03,666
so I can hose you down.
279
00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:04,766
Where are you going?
280
00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:05,867
To the spa.
281
00:12:05,935 --> 00:12:08,034
I booked a 2-hour
massage with Phillipe.
282
00:12:08,101 --> 00:12:10,200
Hold on, uh...
283
00:12:10,268 --> 00:12:13,869
maybe I want to
give you a massage.
284
00:12:15,304 --> 00:12:16,370
You do?
285
00:12:16,438 --> 00:12:17,670
Every time I ask you at home,
286
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,337
you say, "What's in it for me?"
287
00:12:20,405 --> 00:12:22,372
I feel romantic down here,
and, you know what,
288
00:12:22,439 --> 00:12:24,072
I'll give you twice as good
a massage as Phillipe.
289
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:27,073
And I offer additional services.
290
00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:30,541
Yeah, I have Miguel
at 12:30 for that.
291
00:12:30,609 --> 00:12:31,742
Very funny. Come on,
lie on the bed.
292
00:12:31,810 --> 00:12:33,410
This better be good,
though, I'm telling you.
293
00:12:33,477 --> 00:12:35,810
And I should tell you,
my hands are registered
294
00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:37,611
with the department of love.
295
00:12:37,678 --> 00:12:40,244
Sexy fingers division.
296
00:12:40,312 --> 00:12:43,679
All right, there you go.
297
00:12:43,747 --> 00:12:45,813
Mmm. A little harder, hon. OK.
298
00:12:45,881 --> 00:12:48,281
Split the difference!
299
00:12:48,348 --> 00:12:50,649
See? That's better.
300
00:12:50,717 --> 00:12:51,815
Isn't that good? Yeah.
301
00:12:51,883 --> 00:12:53,982
Use the oil, honey.
302
00:12:54,050 --> 00:12:55,116
Hmm? Oil.
303
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,683
Oh.
304
00:12:56,751 --> 00:12:58,918
Oh, there we go.
305
00:12:58,985 --> 00:13:00,419
OK.
306
00:13:06,555 --> 00:13:07,687
What's going on up there?
307
00:13:07,755 --> 00:13:09,188
Nothing, nothing. It's fine.
308
00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:14,824
It's fine, fine.
309
00:13:14,892 --> 00:13:17,658
I feel like I'm being marinated.
310
00:13:17,726 --> 00:13:19,592
It's all good. It's all good.
311
00:13:19,660 --> 00:13:22,159
OK, all right! Massage over!
Massage over!
312
00:13:22,227 --> 00:13:24,060
Dismount! Dismount! Dismount!
313
00:13:24,128 --> 00:13:26,028
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
314
00:13:26,094 --> 00:13:28,161
That was very sweet, very sweet.
315
00:13:28,229 --> 00:13:30,129
I think I'm gonna let Phillipe
have a crack at me now.
316
00:13:30,196 --> 00:13:31,262
Hold on. You can't go.
317
00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:32,430
Why not?
318
00:13:32,497 --> 00:13:34,096
'Cause we can't
afford a massage!
319
00:13:34,164 --> 00:13:35,397
What are you talking about?
320
00:13:35,465 --> 00:13:38,132
That smell your father smelled?
321
00:13:38,199 --> 00:13:41,299
It was mold, and it's
gonna cost $7,000 to fix.
322
00:13:41,366 --> 00:13:44,568
$7,000?!
323
00:13:44,636 --> 00:13:46,168
But you told me you
went down there
324
00:13:46,236 --> 00:13:48,169
and checked everything
out before we left!
325
00:13:48,237 --> 00:13:49,269
I did.
326
00:13:49,336 --> 00:13:50,502
You said everything was OK!
327
00:13:50,570 --> 00:13:53,404
I may have lied.
328
00:13:53,471 --> 00:13:55,472
You may have, or you did?
329
00:13:55,539 --> 00:13:56,939
I may have did.
330
00:13:57,006 --> 00:13:58,139
Doug!
331
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,239
I didn't know it was
gonna cost so much!
332
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:01,740
OK, well, you know what?
333
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:05,075
The vacation that we couldn't
afford in the first place is over.
334
00:14:05,142 --> 00:14:06,142
What?
335
00:14:06,209 --> 00:14:07,842
Yeah, that's right.
Start packing, buddy.
336
00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:11,176
And throw in a few
of those towels.
337
00:14:11,244 --> 00:14:12,877
But the room... we already
pre-paid for the room.
338
00:14:12,944 --> 00:14:14,478
We can't get that money back.
339
00:14:14,545 --> 00:14:15,345
Oh, right.
340
00:14:15,447 --> 00:14:16,912
And our flights,
it's gonna cost us
341
00:14:16,979 --> 00:14:18,046
more money to change them.
342
00:14:18,112 --> 00:14:19,112
Oh, my God.
343
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:21,080
Suddenly, I have an
incredible headache.
344
00:14:23,849 --> 00:14:24,882
That's $6.00!
345
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,348
Crap!
346
00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:27,916
Crap!
347
00:14:27,983 --> 00:14:30,484
Look, I screwed up, OK?
348
00:14:30,552 --> 00:14:32,885
But the room's already
pre-paid for,
349
00:14:32,953 --> 00:14:35,351
so why don't we just enjoy
the rest of the week,
350
00:14:35,419 --> 00:14:37,419
and, you know, we'll take
care of the mold thing
351
00:14:37,487 --> 00:14:39,286
when we get back.
352
00:14:39,354 --> 00:14:41,254
OK, all right. You're right.
353
00:14:41,322 --> 00:14:42,988
But you know what,
we are not spending
354
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,988
another dime, OK,
more than we have to.
355
00:14:45,056 --> 00:14:46,288
Agreed? Agreed.
356
00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:47,590
Plenty of stuff we can do
357
00:14:47,658 --> 00:14:48,990
that doesn't cost a cent, right?
358
00:14:49,058 --> 00:14:52,625
We got a beautiful view
of the ocean right here.
359
00:14:52,693 --> 00:14:55,692
OK, I wish I would've
saw the Jet Skis
360
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:59,160
before we were poor.
361
00:15:04,097 --> 00:15:06,696
Hello? Oh, hey, Mike.
362
00:15:06,764 --> 00:15:08,330
No, I didn't forget about golf.
363
00:15:08,397 --> 00:15:10,331
Golf? You're not playing golf.
364
00:15:10,398 --> 00:15:11,732
I will see you there.
365
00:15:11,799 --> 00:15:13,365
OK, buddy. Take care.
366
00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:14,899
Doug, if I am not
getting my massage,
367
00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:16,867
you're not spending
money on golf.
368
00:15:38,809 --> 00:15:41,375
Fore!
369
00:15:41,443 --> 00:15:42,542
Seriously, sorry I'm late.
370
00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:43,942
No problem, Doug.
371
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,976
Ah, you want to tee
off back there?
372
00:15:46,044 --> 00:15:49,078
I...
373
00:15:49,146 --> 00:15:50,545
You know what, I'm just
gonna hit from here.
374
00:15:50,613 --> 00:15:52,312
I'm fine. This is
perfect, seriously.
375
00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:53,379
All right.
376
00:15:53,447 --> 00:15:55,781
Whoa! Heads up in the
Day Care Center!
377
00:15:55,849 --> 00:15:58,381
Let's play some golf.
378
00:16:07,185 --> 00:16:08,451
Sir?
379
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:09,619
You, sir!
380
00:16:13,321 --> 00:16:14,554
Sir!
381
00:16:20,423 --> 00:16:22,857
Hey, you guys. Hey, you two.
382
00:16:22,924 --> 00:16:24,624
What's up, you're
not doing a cabana?
383
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,191
We're kind of cabanaed out.
384
00:16:26,258 --> 00:16:29,325
Yeah, my Aunt has one.
We use it a lot.
385
00:16:29,393 --> 00:16:31,727
You sure? It's like 110
on the sand there.
386
00:16:31,795 --> 00:16:33,927
It's all right. I like my
skin like I like my cheese:
387
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,561
deep fried.
388
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,062
Ow! What's the matter?
389
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:42,330
The sand's hot.
390
00:16:42,398 --> 00:16:43,897
And how is everyone doing?
391
00:16:43,965 --> 00:16:45,497
Can I cool you off with a mist?
392
00:16:45,565 --> 00:16:47,532
Sure, Patrick. Go for it.
393
00:16:47,599 --> 00:16:50,300
Mike: Mmm.
394
00:16:50,368 --> 00:16:52,700
Mmm.
395
00:16:52,768 --> 00:16:54,135
Here you go, merci.
396
00:16:54,202 --> 00:16:57,036
And now for the Heffernans.
397
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,335
Oh, no! We're good!
398
00:16:58,403 --> 00:16:59,704
Oh, just a little spray.
399
00:16:59,772 --> 00:17:00,904
No, no... Whoa, you missed me!
400
00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:04,504
I'm going to get you, Mr.
Heffernan!
401
00:17:04,572 --> 00:17:05,638
No! Hey, hey!
402
00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:10,141
No spray.
403
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,310
Hey, Arthur.
404
00:17:17,377 --> 00:17:19,510
I just dropped by to see if
you wanna catch a movie.
405
00:17:19,578 --> 00:17:20,709
Who are you kidding?
406
00:17:20,777 --> 00:17:23,011
You know I couldn't follow it.
407
00:17:25,814 --> 00:17:26,846
What?
408
00:17:26,914 --> 00:17:28,713
I'm losing my mind, remember?
409
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:32,481
This Family Circus cartoon
might as well be in Greek.
410
00:17:32,549 --> 00:17:34,950
Arthur, you're not
losing your mind.
411
00:17:35,017 --> 00:17:36,650
You're just psyching
yourself out now.
412
00:17:36,717 --> 00:17:39,750
Let's just put that to a test.
How?
413
00:17:39,818 --> 00:17:42,617
I've always been able
to debate any topic
414
00:17:42,685 --> 00:17:46,154
and tear down opposing
arguments with pinpoint logic.
415
00:17:46,221 --> 00:17:48,020
You want me to debate you?
416
00:17:48,088 --> 00:17:50,387
Exactly. We'll pick a topic,
417
00:17:50,454 --> 00:17:52,588
and we'll see if I
can hold my own.
418
00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:55,057
OK, what's the topic?
419
00:17:55,124 --> 00:17:56,390
How about this:
420
00:17:56,457 --> 00:17:59,724
Should the United States
normalize relations with Cuba?
421
00:17:59,791 --> 00:18:01,190
You be pro.
422
00:18:01,258 --> 00:18:03,225
All right. Uh...
423
00:18:03,292 --> 00:18:05,226
the Cold War's been
over for 10 years.
424
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:07,459
Cuba is no longer a threat,
425
00:18:07,528 --> 00:18:10,361
but instead could be a valuable
ally and trading partner,
426
00:18:10,429 --> 00:18:11,762
so it makes perfect sense
427
00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:14,329
to normalize
relations with Cuba.
428
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:17,730
You moron, what do you
know about anything?!
429
00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:23,100
You're a frightened little drone
that can't even get a woman!
430
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:25,067
If you're so keen on
normalizing something,
431
00:18:25,134 --> 00:18:27,001
why don't you start
with your face!
432
00:18:30,236 --> 00:18:32,403
I still got it.
433
00:18:37,772 --> 00:18:40,238
Sizzling lobster is served!
434
00:18:42,074 --> 00:18:45,708
I love you, honey, but
tonight that is my date.
435
00:18:45,775 --> 00:18:48,374
Hey, you guys! There you are.
436
00:18:48,442 --> 00:18:50,042
What do you got in
the bags there?
437
00:18:50,110 --> 00:18:51,775
Oh, since it's our
turn to treat,
438
00:18:51,843 --> 00:18:53,010
we thought we'd do
something special.
439
00:18:53,078 --> 00:18:55,343
Yeah, let's go. All right.
440
00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:04,413
More Ramen Noodles, Debi?
441
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,115
Sure. Mike?
442
00:19:06,183 --> 00:19:09,083
Still working on my
cheese and crackers.
443
00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:11,750
Hey, don't you fill
up on the appetizers.
444
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,983
We got a whole
native island feast.
445
00:19:14,051 --> 00:19:15,751
We got our pineapple,
446
00:19:15,819 --> 00:19:19,251
we got our... roast pig, huh?
447
00:19:19,319 --> 00:19:23,153
Already pre-sliced and
pre-packaged for our convenience.
448
00:19:23,221 --> 00:19:24,954
And let's kick it off first
449
00:19:25,022 --> 00:19:26,488
with a little shrimp
cocktail, huh?
450
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:31,090
Whoa! She's blowing again!
451
00:19:31,157 --> 00:19:32,224
OK!
452
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:34,290
Whoops, there goes
our wine glasses.
453
00:19:34,358 --> 00:19:35,759
You guys sit tight.
454
00:19:35,827 --> 00:19:37,259
Oh, sweetie, I wouldn't
put that there.
455
00:19:37,327 --> 00:19:40,893
The sea gulls have been
pretty aggressive.
456
00:19:40,961 --> 00:19:42,660
What's going on? I want to
go into the restaurant.
457
00:19:42,729 --> 00:19:43,894
Honey, we'll go tomorrow night.
458
00:19:43,962 --> 00:19:45,762
They're obviously having
some kind of money problems.
459
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,528
But why didn't...
They told us...
460
00:19:47,596 --> 00:19:49,462
Just be nice, OK?
461
00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:51,263
We may have lost a
couple of napkins,
462
00:19:51,331 --> 00:19:53,231
but in other news,
I can now confirm
463
00:19:53,298 --> 00:19:55,865
that our cabana boy's
definitely gay.
464
00:19:56,999 --> 00:19:58,066
That's true.
465
00:19:58,134 --> 00:20:00,000
Mm-mmm.
466
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,168
Looks kind of like the
tide's coming in.
467
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,468
No, no, I checked the chart.
468
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,901
We got at least 12 minutes.
469
00:20:05,969 --> 00:20:09,536
Sizzling lobster is served!
470
00:20:10,939 --> 00:20:13,571
How 'bout you finish those
cheese and crackers, honey?
471
00:20:13,639 --> 00:20:15,371
Yeah, right.
472
00:20:15,439 --> 00:20:19,207
Man: This is the best
thing I've ever tasted!
473
00:20:21,042 --> 00:20:23,274
What are you... What are
you looking at, Mike?
474
00:20:23,342 --> 00:20:25,909
Oh, nothing. I... Nothing.
475
00:20:25,977 --> 00:20:27,176
Nothing.
476
00:20:27,244 --> 00:20:29,778
Seems to me like you're
looking at the lobsters.
477
00:20:29,846 --> 00:20:31,078
No, no, Doug, I...
478
00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:32,878
'Cause tonight we
thought, you know,
479
00:20:32,946 --> 00:20:35,511
we'd have a beautiful picnic
out here on the beach.
480
00:20:35,579 --> 00:20:37,813
Might be more fun than sitting
in a stuffy restaurant,
481
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,381
but if you want lobster,
let's get you some lobster.
482
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:42,081
It's not like we
can't afford it.
483
00:20:42,149 --> 00:20:43,247
I'm sure you can.
484
00:20:43,315 --> 00:20:45,082
I know we can.
485
00:20:45,150 --> 00:20:47,550
Look, Doug, we're friends,
486
00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:51,284
and, you know, it's OK if
things are a little tight.
487
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:53,351
Things are tight?
488
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,386
Things aren't tight here.
Things are very loose.
489
00:20:55,453 --> 00:20:56,687
You know, that's
what I'm saying.
490
00:20:56,754 --> 00:20:57,920
What makes you think
they're tight?
491
00:20:57,988 --> 00:21:00,187
I don't know, I mean,
I'm sitting on a rock
492
00:21:00,254 --> 00:21:02,588
and I'm eating food
from 7-Eleven.
493
00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:07,323
OK, first of all,
it's from an A&P,
494
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:09,557
so get your facts straight.
495
00:21:09,624 --> 00:21:11,592
And second of all,
if you want lobster,
496
00:21:11,659 --> 00:21:12,692
we're gonna get
you some lobster.
497
00:21:12,759 --> 00:21:13,826
Doug! No, no, it's fine.
498
00:21:13,894 --> 00:21:15,927
Excuse me, can I get, uh...
499
00:21:15,995 --> 00:21:17,728
2 sizzling lobsters down
there for my friends?
500
00:21:17,796 --> 00:21:19,527
Actually, these are
our last 2 lobsters.
501
00:21:19,596 --> 00:21:20,928
You know what, I
will take these 2.
502
00:21:20,996 --> 00:21:22,562
Just charge them to
my room, please.
503
00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:24,296
OK? Thank you.
504
00:21:24,364 --> 00:21:26,431
Sizzling!
505
00:21:32,134 --> 00:21:33,599
So, um...
506
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,667
I'm guessing everyone
on their own tomorrow?
507
00:21:41,737 --> 00:21:43,503
This strap is digging
into my shoulder.
508
00:21:43,571 --> 00:21:44,737
You know what, you're
carrying one bag.
509
00:21:44,805 --> 00:21:46,904
I got like 7. Keep walking.
510
00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:49,071
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Heffernan,
you're checking out?
511
00:21:49,139 --> 00:21:50,271
Let me help you with your bags.
512
00:21:50,339 --> 00:21:51,372
Oh, no, we're good.
513
00:21:51,441 --> 00:21:54,040
Oh, I'm going to help you, Mr.
Heffernan!
35580
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