All language subtitles for The King of Queens (1998) - S04E13 - Food Fight (1080p BluRay x265 RCVR)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,781 --> 00:00:11,947 Doug! 2 00:00:12,815 --> 00:00:14,016 I'm here. I'm ready. 3 00:00:14,083 --> 00:00:15,117 Where's the blanket? 4 00:00:15,184 --> 00:00:16,650 What? 5 00:00:16,718 --> 00:00:18,869 I just yelled up for you to bring down a blanket. 6 00:00:18,937 --> 00:00:20,403 Oh, I couldn't understand you, 7 00:00:20,471 --> 00:00:21,721 but whatever you wanted, 8 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:23,822 I was just hoping it would blow over. 9 00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:25,090 Well, it hasn't. 10 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,092 We are seeing a movie in the park, 11 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,226 and I would prefer a layer of protection 12 00:00:29,294 --> 00:00:33,196 between me and whatever the police horse just left. 13 00:00:33,264 --> 00:00:34,431 Oh, it's not bad enough 14 00:00:34,498 --> 00:00:36,465 going out with Spence and his new girlfriend, 15 00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:38,233 we gotta go see a movie in a park? 16 00:00:38,301 --> 00:00:40,969 Doug, I think it's great that he finally has a date. 17 00:00:41,037 --> 00:00:42,671 Come on. You have to be supportive. 18 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,038 He is your friend. 19 00:00:44,105 --> 00:00:46,073 Yeah, but he's, he's not a double-date friend. 20 00:00:46,140 --> 00:00:47,641 He's, he's the 3rd wheel. 21 00:00:47,709 --> 00:00:49,626 He's the one who watches the coats 22 00:00:49,693 --> 00:00:52,794 when the rest of us are out dancing. 23 00:00:52,812 --> 00:00:54,463 Well, tonight he has a date, 24 00:00:54,531 --> 00:00:56,246 and we have to leave in 5 minutes. 25 00:00:57,783 --> 00:01:00,483 So you, uh, still on this blanket kick or... 26 00:01:00,551 --> 00:01:01,952 Yes! Go! 27 00:01:04,955 --> 00:01:07,072 Dad, your dinner's ready! 28 00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:09,106 Great. I worked up quite an appetite 29 00:01:09,174 --> 00:01:11,108 at my "movement to music" class. 30 00:01:12,277 --> 00:01:14,678 Bring on the vittles. 31 00:01:14,746 --> 00:01:16,546 Here you go. 32 00:01:16,613 --> 00:01:19,314 A meal in a tray. Thank you, stewardess. 33 00:01:19,382 --> 00:01:20,882 When do we land? 34 00:01:21,517 --> 00:01:22,717 I'm sorry, dad. 35 00:01:22,785 --> 00:01:24,785 I didn't have time to make you a whole thing. 36 00:01:24,853 --> 00:01:25,953 Probably for the best, 37 00:01:26,021 --> 00:01:28,888 based on last night's pink-chicken scare. 38 00:01:33,826 --> 00:01:35,126 What are you doing? 39 00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:37,194 What? You wanted a blanket. 40 00:01:37,262 --> 00:01:40,014 That is the comforter from our bed. 41 00:01:41,882 --> 00:01:44,750 Why do you always give me jobs where you know I'm gonna fail? 42 00:01:47,203 --> 00:01:48,936 So what movie we seein', anyway? 43 00:01:49,004 --> 00:01:50,204 Casablanca. 44 00:01:50,272 --> 00:01:51,672 Oh, a black and white movie? 45 00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:52,805 It's a great movie. 46 00:01:52,873 --> 00:01:54,174 Dad, back me up here. 47 00:01:54,242 --> 00:01:55,342 Casablanca? 48 00:01:55,410 --> 00:01:56,726 Never saw it. 49 00:01:57,827 --> 00:01:59,344 You must have. 50 00:01:59,413 --> 00:02:01,078 Humphrey bogart owns a cafe. 51 00:02:01,146 --> 00:02:02,747 Ingrid bergman walks back into... 52 00:02:02,815 --> 00:02:03,948 Don't ruin it for me! 53 00:02:04,016 --> 00:02:07,885 LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! 54 00:02:07,952 --> 00:02:10,486 I'm sorry I was in no condition to receive you 55 00:02:10,554 --> 00:02:11,971 when you called on me last night. 56 00:02:12,039 --> 00:02:14,006 It doesn't matter. 57 00:02:14,073 --> 00:02:15,707 What is the matter with you? 58 00:02:15,774 --> 00:02:17,324 I gotta keep shifting. 59 00:02:17,425 --> 00:02:19,293 My ass is so asleep, it's dreaming. 60 00:02:22,363 --> 00:02:23,563 Isn't this cool? 61 00:02:23,631 --> 00:02:26,064 You got bogart, great outdoors, 62 00:02:26,132 --> 00:02:28,634 and this pretty lady. 63 00:02:28,702 --> 00:02:30,501 Isn't he cute? 64 00:02:30,569 --> 00:02:31,703 He is. 65 00:02:34,055 --> 00:02:36,873 Yeah, he's like a little bobble-head doll of himself. 66 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,208 Hey, anybody hungry? I made some stuff. 67 00:02:41,210 --> 00:02:44,245 Uh... mango spring rolls. 68 00:02:44,313 --> 00:02:45,345 Mmm-hmm. 69 00:02:45,413 --> 00:02:47,814 And cider-basted spare ribs 70 00:02:47,882 --> 00:02:49,283 there you go. 71 00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:51,083 Wow, Becky, you made all this for the movie? 72 00:02:51,151 --> 00:02:52,252 Oh, it was no trouble. 73 00:02:52,319 --> 00:02:54,653 You put me to shame. All I have is a cloret 74 00:02:54,721 --> 00:02:56,722 and some old birth-control pills. 75 00:02:58,089 --> 00:02:59,690 Mangia. 76 00:02:59,758 --> 00:03:01,924 Oh, don't worry. I go to the culinary institute, 77 00:03:01,992 --> 00:03:04,361 so this is a project for one of my classes. 78 00:03:04,428 --> 00:03:06,161 Well, feel free to tell the teacher 79 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,096 the Doug ate your homework. 80 00:03:14,384 --> 00:03:15,919 Oh, what is this? 81 00:03:15,986 --> 00:03:18,153 Oh, it's a shrimp- and-chive quesadilla, 82 00:03:18,221 --> 00:03:20,789 with salsa-and- chili sour cream. 83 00:03:21,924 --> 00:03:23,124 Really? 84 00:03:25,477 --> 00:03:26,677 You like it? 85 00:03:26,745 --> 00:03:28,345 Like it? I got a chunk in my teeth, 86 00:03:28,412 --> 00:03:30,079 I'm saving for the ride home. 87 00:03:31,281 --> 00:03:34,082 Really? You're so nice. 88 00:03:37,336 --> 00:03:39,102 Why are you picking out the chives? 89 00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:41,672 Because they aggravate my patamkin-Reese syndrome. 90 00:03:42,673 --> 00:03:43,806 Mmm! 91 00:03:43,874 --> 00:03:45,241 What? What? What? What? 92 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,308 What are these crispy nuggets, 93 00:03:47,376 --> 00:03:49,645 and why aren't they in every vending machine across the country? 94 00:03:49,712 --> 00:03:51,512 Here. Try them with the dipping sauces. 95 00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:52,780 What have you got? 96 00:03:52,848 --> 00:03:55,999 I got honey-mustard and, don't laugh, chocolate. 97 00:03:56,066 --> 00:03:58,266 Don't you laugh when I dip one nugget in both. 98 00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:21,201 Oh, you got Casablanca! 99 00:04:21,269 --> 00:04:23,068 It's marvelous. 100 00:04:23,136 --> 00:04:26,855 Bogart chooses the greater good over his own desires. 101 00:04:26,922 --> 00:04:28,390 Quite an uplifting message. 102 00:04:28,458 --> 00:04:30,724 I know. It's a classic. 103 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:33,110 Personally, I would have turned the other guy in, 104 00:04:33,178 --> 00:04:35,461 taken Ingrid bergman back to the hotel, 105 00:04:35,529 --> 00:04:38,081 and rounded up her "usual suspects," 106 00:04:38,148 --> 00:04:40,115 if you know what I mean. 107 00:04:41,234 --> 00:04:42,517 I do, 108 00:04:42,584 --> 00:04:45,353 which is why I just brought up a little muffin. 109 00:04:45,421 --> 00:04:47,387 Actually, while I was at the video store, 110 00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:48,922 another box caught my eye. 111 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,290 Some kind of a holiday picture. 112 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,260 It's a wonderful life? 113 00:04:55,327 --> 00:04:56,528 Who knows? 114 00:04:56,595 --> 00:04:58,862 Maybe I discovered a hidden gem. 115 00:04:58,930 --> 00:05:00,364 Keep me posted. 116 00:05:03,967 --> 00:05:05,000 Hey, honey. 117 00:05:05,069 --> 00:05:07,569 Hi. You want to order some takeout? 118 00:05:07,636 --> 00:05:09,071 Nah, I'm not really hungry. 119 00:05:09,138 --> 00:05:11,539 Seriously. Where do you want to order from? 120 00:05:11,606 --> 00:05:13,740 Nah, I'm not hungry. I was over at Spence's, 121 00:05:13,808 --> 00:05:15,542 and Becky made me these incredible 122 00:05:15,609 --> 00:05:17,177 grilled scallops with bacon. 123 00:05:17,244 --> 00:05:18,478 Bacon! 124 00:05:20,646 --> 00:05:22,980 Why didn't you tell me you were having dinner over there? 125 00:05:23,048 --> 00:05:24,048 I've been waiting. 126 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:25,366 I wasn't planning on it. 127 00:05:25,434 --> 00:05:27,134 I stopped by, and she asked me my opinion 128 00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:28,601 on a few of her recipes. 129 00:05:28,669 --> 00:05:30,637 I actually brought a couple scallops for you, 130 00:05:30,704 --> 00:05:33,188 but there's a very long light at northern boulevard, 131 00:05:33,256 --> 00:05:35,607 and they went away. 132 00:05:35,675 --> 00:05:38,109 Well, you took 'em as far as you could, hon'. 133 00:05:38,177 --> 00:05:41,044 Get this. She asked me if I'd do this for her, like, twice a week. 134 00:05:41,112 --> 00:05:42,129 What do you mean? 135 00:05:42,196 --> 00:05:43,295 Like, go over there and eat? 136 00:05:43,363 --> 00:05:44,363 Yeah. 137 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:47,633 Well, why can't Spence just help her? 138 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,117 'Cause he's allergic to everything. 139 00:05:49,185 --> 00:05:50,735 The guy's, like, one sesame seed away 140 00:05:50,803 --> 00:05:52,904 from living in a plastic bubble. 141 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,541 Ok, well, if that's what you wanna do. 142 00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:00,109 What? Wh-what's the matter? 143 00:06:00,177 --> 00:06:02,294 I just don't think with your 4-digit cholesterol 144 00:06:02,361 --> 00:06:05,897 that eating professionally is the best move for you right now. 145 00:06:05,964 --> 00:06:07,131 Come on, car'. 146 00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:08,298 I'm serious. 147 00:06:08,365 --> 00:06:09,432 So am I. 148 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,633 Look, I've eaten a lot of food in my day, 149 00:06:11,702 --> 00:06:13,952 cooked by a lot of different people, 150 00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:16,721 and I gotta tell you, this kid's got it. 151 00:06:19,024 --> 00:06:20,807 Carrie, let me be part of this. 152 00:06:21,976 --> 00:06:23,293 Like superman, 153 00:06:24,161 --> 00:06:26,012 I was put here for a reason. 154 00:06:30,366 --> 00:06:32,366 What are you cooking, Becky? 155 00:06:33,835 --> 00:06:38,521 You got monterey Jack cheese melting inside the burger? 156 00:06:38,539 --> 00:06:40,172 It's an inside-out cheeseburger, 157 00:06:40,239 --> 00:06:42,424 is that what you're tellin' me? 158 00:06:42,492 --> 00:06:45,309 Oh, God, does that sound good. 159 00:06:46,795 --> 00:06:49,162 Ok, let me just throw this at you, ok? 160 00:06:49,230 --> 00:06:53,165 Now, what if instead of fries, 161 00:06:53,233 --> 00:06:55,501 you went with sweet potato wedges? 162 00:06:58,738 --> 00:07:00,270 Oh, stop. Stop. Hey! 163 00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:02,439 Einstein was a genius. 164 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:05,874 Oh, hey, hon'. 165 00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:07,610 Ok, so I'll see you Thursday. 166 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,944 All right, bye. 167 00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:12,146 Surprised you didn't try to suck the food 168 00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:14,047 through the phone line. 169 00:07:14,116 --> 00:07:16,049 Ok, look, before you start copping attitude, 170 00:07:16,118 --> 00:07:17,783 I'm going to the gym again, 171 00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:20,619 so with all the extra food, it's a push. 172 00:07:21,921 --> 00:07:24,222 This area right here will remain unchanged. 173 00:07:24,289 --> 00:07:26,324 That's my pledge to you. 174 00:07:27,826 --> 00:07:29,259 It's not just that, Doug. 175 00:07:29,327 --> 00:07:32,061 It's this whole thing with Becky. 176 00:07:32,130 --> 00:07:33,362 Thing? There isn't a thing. 177 00:07:33,430 --> 00:07:35,564 Oh, I think there's a thing. 178 00:07:37,466 --> 00:07:39,501 You're saying, that I'm attracted to her? 179 00:07:39,568 --> 00:07:41,335 I don't know what it is, Doug. 180 00:07:41,402 --> 00:07:44,204 All I know is you just spent a half hour on the phone with her. 181 00:07:44,272 --> 00:07:47,857 "You hang up." "No, you hang up." 182 00:07:47,924 --> 00:07:50,291 Look, I am not interested in Becky at all. 183 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,093 We have one thing in common. That's it. You're being ridiculous. 184 00:07:53,161 --> 00:07:54,528 I don't think I am. 185 00:07:54,596 --> 00:07:56,880 Oh, so according to you, it is somehow wrong for me 186 00:07:56,947 --> 00:07:58,464 to go to my friend's house 187 00:07:58,532 --> 00:08:00,599 where his girlfriend cooks me stuff. 188 00:08:00,667 --> 00:08:01,683 Yeah. 189 00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:03,902 Where does it end, Carrie? 190 00:08:03,970 --> 00:08:05,536 Hey, you know what? 191 00:08:05,604 --> 00:08:07,338 The 70-year-old dispatcher lady at I.P.S. Made me brownies. 192 00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,055 Should I just march into her cage and go, 193 00:08:09,123 --> 00:08:11,324 "you know what, chantelle? It is over!" 194 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:16,228 The point is I don't have 195 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,029 little relationships with other men 196 00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:20,081 where I'm talkin' to them on the phone, 197 00:08:20,148 --> 00:08:22,032 hangin' out because we have stuff in common, 198 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,600 because I know it would bother you. 199 00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:25,601 Well, you know what? It absolutely wouldn't. 200 00:08:25,669 --> 00:08:28,071 No? No? Because there's a partner at my work 201 00:08:28,138 --> 00:08:30,705 who keeps asking me to go jogging with him in the morning. 202 00:08:30,773 --> 00:08:33,490 He's one of the younger partners, you know, on his way up, 203 00:08:33,558 --> 00:08:36,160 so I guess it would be fine with you if I did that? 204 00:08:36,227 --> 00:08:37,611 Yeah. 205 00:08:37,678 --> 00:08:39,746 Oh, good. Good. I'm glad we had this conversation, 206 00:08:39,814 --> 00:08:43,665 because this opens up a whole new world for me. 207 00:08:43,733 --> 00:08:45,616 You know, they say you actually burn 208 00:08:45,684 --> 00:08:47,885 more calories speed-walking than running. 209 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:49,953 Really? 210 00:08:53,957 --> 00:08:55,090 Spence? 211 00:08:55,158 --> 00:08:56,441 Oh, hey, Carrie. 212 00:08:56,509 --> 00:08:58,659 Oh, I gotta stop. 213 00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:00,111 He owes me money. 214 00:09:00,178 --> 00:09:01,811 I'll circle around. 215 00:09:02,413 --> 00:09:04,214 Oh, ok! 216 00:09:05,132 --> 00:09:07,467 Here we go, Alan. Come on. Here we go. 217 00:09:08,168 --> 00:09:09,668 Who was that? 218 00:09:09,736 --> 00:09:11,920 He's one of the partners from my law firm. 219 00:09:11,988 --> 00:09:14,688 Listen, if Doug asks, he's got a rock-hard ass, ok? 220 00:09:14,756 --> 00:09:16,523 Ooh, what's going on? 221 00:09:16,591 --> 00:09:18,124 What's going on is 222 00:09:18,192 --> 00:09:20,259 I'm jogging with this putz every morning 223 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,678 because Doug is spending all this time with your girlfriend. 224 00:09:22,746 --> 00:09:23,879 Yeah, what is up with them? 225 00:09:23,946 --> 00:09:25,080 I don't know. You tell me. 226 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,397 Well, they're so annoying. 227 00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:28,031 You know, "ooh, Doug, taste this. 228 00:09:28,099 --> 00:09:29,533 "Doug, dip that. 229 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,217 Spence, go get Doug a shrimp fork." 230 00:09:31,285 --> 00:09:33,353 Oh, I know! And how about that 231 00:09:33,421 --> 00:09:35,021 "incredible veal dish" she makes, 232 00:09:35,088 --> 00:09:36,856 all right? Not getting that. Thank you! 233 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:39,257 It's like ease the throttle on the garlic, honey. 234 00:09:39,324 --> 00:09:41,209 It's pure showboating. I know! 235 00:09:41,277 --> 00:09:43,360 You... you coming, Carrie? 236 00:09:43,427 --> 00:09:44,694 Oh. Yeah. 237 00:09:46,763 --> 00:09:48,630 Just get me my friggin' money. 238 00:10:09,998 --> 00:10:11,364 Rock-hard ass! 239 00:10:15,218 --> 00:10:16,685 No, honey, it's me. 240 00:10:19,788 --> 00:10:23,156 Carrie, these jogs are wiping you out. 241 00:10:23,224 --> 00:10:25,859 You really don't need to keep doin' this to prove a point. 242 00:10:25,927 --> 00:10:29,578 I am not doing this to prove a point. 243 00:10:29,647 --> 00:10:32,931 I love the chill of early morning. 244 00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,199 If hanging out with Becky bothers you this much, 245 00:10:35,266 --> 00:10:37,201 you know what? It's... it's not worth it. 246 00:10:37,268 --> 00:10:38,384 Really? Yes. 247 00:10:38,452 --> 00:10:40,303 And you know what? In fact, come with me. 248 00:10:40,371 --> 00:10:42,804 Loving husband in action. 249 00:10:42,872 --> 00:10:44,205 Here we go. 250 00:10:46,575 --> 00:10:49,277 This is the kind of guy you married, right here. 251 00:10:53,197 --> 00:10:54,347 It's her machine. 252 00:10:54,415 --> 00:10:56,482 Becky, hi. Yeah, it's Doug. 253 00:10:56,549 --> 00:10:58,916 Listen, I'm not gonna be able to come over 254 00:10:58,984 --> 00:11:01,519 and do the food thing anymore. 255 00:11:01,586 --> 00:11:03,086 Yeah, I'm really busy at work, 256 00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:05,322 and I got a lot of things going on, 257 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:08,991 so from now on just send the food over with Spence, 258 00:11:09,058 --> 00:11:11,226 and I'll give him my comments, ok? 259 00:11:11,293 --> 00:11:14,428 All right, thank you. Bye-bye. 260 00:11:14,496 --> 00:11:17,364 See? Now everybody wins, ok? I don't see her anymore, 261 00:11:17,431 --> 00:11:19,098 and I still get to eat her food. 262 00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:20,366 Which reminds me, 263 00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:22,534 I got some leftover pasta here. 264 00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:25,220 This is great. Ah. 265 00:11:25,287 --> 00:11:28,355 Spaghetti and meatballs, sounds boring, doesn't it? 266 00:11:28,423 --> 00:11:31,091 Not when it's 3 different-colored noodles. 267 00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:41,365 Mmm. Incredible. 268 00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:47,603 Ok, you know what? 269 00:11:47,671 --> 00:11:50,690 Um, this isn't gonna work for me, either. 270 00:11:51,590 --> 00:11:52,557 What? 271 00:11:52,692 --> 00:11:53,642 Yeah. 272 00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:55,159 I don't want you eating her food. 273 00:11:55,226 --> 00:11:57,778 I told you I'm not attracted, I'm not seeing her anymore. 274 00:11:57,845 --> 00:11:59,445 But you're still involved. 275 00:11:59,513 --> 00:12:00,780 With her spaghetti! 276 00:12:00,848 --> 00:12:02,799 Even so! 277 00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:04,833 I'm eating it! I'm not sleeping with it! 278 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,101 It's food! 279 00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:07,952 Exactly! 280 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,387 It's like you're, uh, having a food affair. 281 00:12:10,455 --> 00:12:13,006 Eatin' is not cheatin'! 282 00:12:13,074 --> 00:12:15,191 Well, it still bothers me. 283 00:12:15,259 --> 00:12:17,443 Ok, fine. You know what? You win, ok? 284 00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:19,394 You know what? Well, she found us out, 285 00:12:19,461 --> 00:12:20,678 so I'm gonna have to end it. 286 00:12:20,746 --> 00:12:23,413 Yeah, oh, yeah. I love you, spaghetti, 287 00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:25,048 but you're gonna have to go. 288 00:12:25,115 --> 00:12:26,550 Oh, just one more kiss! 289 00:12:29,152 --> 00:12:32,487 Oh, daddy loves you. Oh, yes, he does. 290 00:12:34,523 --> 00:12:37,424 Now, go! Go! Go! Go! 291 00:12:37,492 --> 00:12:39,192 Oh, God forgive me. 292 00:12:47,749 --> 00:12:49,316 Oh, it's a wonderful life. 293 00:12:49,384 --> 00:12:51,018 Pretty great, huh? 294 00:12:51,086 --> 00:12:53,553 Actually, I think this one's a swing and a miss. 295 00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:59,291 What are you talkin' about? 296 00:12:59,358 --> 00:13:01,559 It's one of the greatest movies of all time. 297 00:13:01,627 --> 00:13:03,310 Well, I don't get it. 298 00:13:03,378 --> 00:13:06,413 With George Bailey, the town couldn't be duller. 299 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,248 Without him, there's nightclubs, casinos. 300 00:13:09,316 --> 00:13:11,450 It's fabulous. 301 00:13:11,518 --> 00:13:13,417 I wish he never had been born. 302 00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,771 Well, that's a fresh take on it. 303 00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:20,039 By the way, I was talking to Spence. 304 00:13:20,107 --> 00:13:21,407 He was recommending a film 305 00:13:21,475 --> 00:13:23,543 about a young girl from Kansas 306 00:13:23,610 --> 00:13:25,643 who goes to some magical land. 307 00:13:27,597 --> 00:13:29,479 Have you heard of it, darling? 308 00:13:30,365 --> 00:13:32,766 Good lord. 309 00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:34,901 Well, I understand there are midgets in it, 310 00:13:34,968 --> 00:13:37,102 and that spells "funny." 311 00:13:37,170 --> 00:13:40,871 Anyway, I invited Spence and his new ladyfriend over 312 00:13:40,939 --> 00:13:42,674 to watch it with us tomorrow night. 313 00:13:42,741 --> 00:13:44,574 What? No. 314 00:13:44,642 --> 00:13:45,859 What's the matter? 315 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,327 Oh, I... I had this big thing with Doug 316 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:49,895 and Spence's girlfriend. 317 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,597 It's a long story, but basically, 318 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,899 he likes her spaghetti too much. 319 00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:57,634 I see, and, uh, 320 00:13:57,702 --> 00:14:01,304 what is "spaghetti" a euphemism for? 321 00:14:01,372 --> 00:14:04,890 No, dad, he really just likes her spaghetti. 322 00:14:04,958 --> 00:14:06,624 Uh-huh, 323 00:14:06,692 --> 00:14:09,743 and did you catch him "liking her spaghetti"? 324 00:14:10,678 --> 00:14:13,045 Dad, it's really the food. 325 00:14:13,114 --> 00:14:14,514 Becky's a great cook, 326 00:14:14,582 --> 00:14:16,449 and Doug loves what she makes. 327 00:14:16,616 --> 00:14:17,900 Well, what's wrong with that? 328 00:14:17,967 --> 00:14:19,752 I want him to like what I make, you know? 329 00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:22,186 It's like remember how mom used to make those huge dinners 330 00:14:22,254 --> 00:14:23,822 with the homemade biscuits and gravy. 331 00:14:23,889 --> 00:14:25,121 You'd be so happy. 332 00:14:25,189 --> 00:14:27,390 Oh, sure, but your mother was home all day. 333 00:14:27,459 --> 00:14:28,891 You're a career woman. 334 00:14:28,959 --> 00:14:31,727 Yeah, but even if I wasn't, I mean, 335 00:14:31,795 --> 00:14:33,328 I'm not like mom or Becky. 336 00:14:33,395 --> 00:14:35,330 I don't have it in me. I'm not a nurturer. 337 00:14:35,397 --> 00:14:36,565 Of course you are. 338 00:14:36,632 --> 00:14:38,766 You've been nothing but warm and loving to me. 339 00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,100 Oh, that's not true. 340 00:14:40,168 --> 00:14:41,534 I make you sleep in the basement. 341 00:14:41,602 --> 00:14:42,986 I know. 342 00:14:43,053 --> 00:14:45,053 I was just tryin' to throw you a bone. 343 00:14:48,741 --> 00:14:49,723 Hey, man. 344 00:14:49,791 --> 00:14:50,891 What's up? 345 00:15:07,338 --> 00:15:09,304 That tupperware looks familiar. 346 00:15:09,372 --> 00:15:10,706 Is that Becky's? 347 00:15:10,774 --> 00:15:11,774 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 348 00:15:11,842 --> 00:15:12,875 She made some stuff for me. 349 00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:14,643 Said she wanted my opinion. 350 00:15:16,512 --> 00:15:20,247 You know, I used to do that, but, whatever. 351 00:15:20,314 --> 00:15:22,314 Yeah, she said you couldn't do it anymore. 352 00:15:22,382 --> 00:15:24,216 Yeah, Carrie got all psycho about it. 353 00:15:24,284 --> 00:15:26,318 Oh, one man's psycho wife is another man's 354 00:15:26,386 --> 00:15:27,536 Turkey meatloaf. 355 00:15:30,271 --> 00:15:31,639 And, oh... 356 00:15:33,607 --> 00:15:35,608 Sweet potato wedges. Mmm. 357 00:15:36,744 --> 00:15:38,577 Mmm. 358 00:15:38,645 --> 00:15:43,280 Huh, you know, she, uh, she got that idea from me, 359 00:15:43,349 --> 00:15:45,582 but, hey, a billion years ago. 360 00:15:49,153 --> 00:15:51,871 Mmm! Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 361 00:15:51,938 --> 00:15:54,172 You know, you just... You just can't eat it. 362 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,040 You gotta think about it, you know? 363 00:15:56,108 --> 00:15:58,441 You're supposed to give her a professional opinion. 364 00:15:58,509 --> 00:16:01,612 Yeah, well, my professional opinion is "damn!" 365 00:16:01,679 --> 00:16:03,246 Ok, you know what? This isn't right. 366 00:16:03,313 --> 00:16:04,580 What? 367 00:16:04,648 --> 00:16:06,481 This food is supposed to be mine. It's meant for me. 368 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:07,716 You see this label? 369 00:16:07,783 --> 00:16:09,718 After the "d" it should say "oug" not "eacon." 370 00:16:09,784 --> 00:16:10,751 You're crazy, man. 371 00:16:10,818 --> 00:16:11,985 No, no, no. You know what? 372 00:16:12,053 --> 00:16:13,986 I'm not gone from Becky's table for 2 minutes, 373 00:16:14,054 --> 00:16:16,989 and you're already sittin' down, stickin' your fork in my food. 374 00:16:19,359 --> 00:16:22,193 You gettin' busy with this chick, or somethin'? 375 00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:23,211 No. 376 00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:27,681 My God, Carrie's right. 377 00:16:29,033 --> 00:16:30,733 I'm having a food affair. 378 00:16:33,603 --> 00:16:34,969 Excuse me. 379 00:16:39,724 --> 00:16:41,258 Hey, honey, I... I gotta talk to you. 380 00:16:41,326 --> 00:16:42,592 Hey, stir this. 381 00:16:42,660 --> 00:16:43,726 What? What's going on? 382 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,728 Oh, my dad invited Spence and Becky over 383 00:16:46,796 --> 00:16:49,030 to watch the wizard of oz, and I am making dinner. 384 00:16:49,098 --> 00:16:51,199 I'm cooking all the things you love in the world. 385 00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:52,433 Oh, crap! Biscuits. 386 00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:53,668 You don't have to do all this. 387 00:16:53,735 --> 00:16:54,834 Yes, Doug, 388 00:16:54,902 --> 00:16:56,670 you were not getting what you need from me. 389 00:16:56,737 --> 00:16:58,104 I need to nurture you. 390 00:16:58,172 --> 00:17:00,038 No, no. I was totally wrong, ok? 391 00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,307 I got crazy over Becky's food. 392 00:17:01,374 --> 00:17:03,374 It was stupid. It's over now. 393 00:17:03,442 --> 00:17:04,809 No, no, no. Listen to me. 394 00:17:04,876 --> 00:17:07,043 You are a big guy. You love food, 395 00:17:07,111 --> 00:17:08,478 and I took you for granted. 396 00:17:08,546 --> 00:17:10,796 I just assumed whatever slop I put in front of you 397 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,397 you'd be fine with. 398 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,133 I was fine with it. Look at me. 399 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,067 I could eat the table and be happy. 400 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:20,287 The point is I didn't put anything into it, you know? 401 00:17:20,354 --> 00:17:22,422 I didn't put any love into it like Becky does. 402 00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:24,223 Ok, Carrie, look. You gotta believe me. 403 00:17:24,291 --> 00:17:27,392 Ok, it doesn't matter what Becky makes her food with, 404 00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,828 love, little chunks of ham... 405 00:17:31,529 --> 00:17:33,364 I don't need it. 406 00:17:33,482 --> 00:17:34,632 Really? 407 00:17:34,698 --> 00:17:36,415 Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I love you, 408 00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:40,102 and whatever you make for me, that's all I need. 409 00:17:41,071 --> 00:17:42,637 Thank you, honey. 410 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:45,539 Oh, that's them! 411 00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:46,607 Ok, all right. 412 00:17:47,574 --> 00:17:48,574 We're here. 413 00:17:48,642 --> 00:17:49,575 Hi! 414 00:17:49,643 --> 00:17:50,610 What's going on? 415 00:17:50,677 --> 00:17:51,676 Thanks for having us. 416 00:17:51,744 --> 00:17:52,945 Oh, no problem. 417 00:17:53,013 --> 00:17:54,746 I threw together a little salad. 418 00:17:59,483 --> 00:18:02,419 Thank you. That was so sweet. 419 00:18:02,486 --> 00:18:04,320 I'm glad to help if you need me. 420 00:18:04,388 --> 00:18:07,522 Oh, I'm sure you are, 421 00:18:07,589 --> 00:18:09,724 but this salad is... is quite enough, 422 00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:11,825 especially after I specifically told you 423 00:18:11,893 --> 00:18:13,143 not to bring anything. 424 00:18:14,662 --> 00:18:16,695 Well, I thought I should bring something. 425 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,032 Yeah, sure you did, but, um, 426 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,566 I did tell you not to bring anything. 427 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,368 I guess next time we'll just have to put it in writing. 428 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:27,071 Honey, I'm gonna bring the crackers in the other room. 429 00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,405 Ok, sweetie. 430 00:18:28,472 --> 00:18:30,373 All right, you listen to me, cookie. 431 00:18:32,108 --> 00:18:33,875 I'm onto your game, ok? 432 00:18:33,944 --> 00:18:36,110 And it ain't gonna work. Well, you know... 433 00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:45,368 Ok, we've got fried chicken, 434 00:18:45,435 --> 00:18:47,336 biscuits and gravy, 435 00:18:47,404 --> 00:18:48,370 salad. 436 00:18:48,437 --> 00:18:49,437 Dig in. 437 00:18:50,272 --> 00:18:51,605 Everything looks great, honey. 438 00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:52,606 Thank you. 439 00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,241 Hear, hear. Bravo, Carrie. 440 00:18:55,776 --> 00:18:58,244 Becky, breast or thigh? 441 00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:01,212 Um, whatever you say. 442 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,515 Oh, wow, Carrie, you've outdone yourself with the salad... 443 00:19:04,583 --> 00:19:06,884 The pine nuts, the cheese. 444 00:19:06,951 --> 00:19:09,252 Douglas, why aren't you having salad? 445 00:19:09,319 --> 00:19:11,804 Uh, uh, I'm not really in the mood for salad. 446 00:19:11,871 --> 00:19:13,972 Have some. It's delicious. 447 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,674 No, thank you. 448 00:19:15,742 --> 00:19:19,127 Your wife has made you salad with love. 449 00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:21,160 Eat it, you ungrateful bastard! 450 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:30,534 Actually, dad, 451 00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,036 Becky made the salad. 452 00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:35,256 Oh, I see. 453 00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:39,408 Well, then, have a biscuit. 454 00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:42,544 Some of them came out pretty well. 455 00:19:49,717 --> 00:19:50,917 Here, honey, I'll get that. 456 00:19:50,985 --> 00:19:52,151 No way. 457 00:19:52,219 --> 00:19:53,602 You made a delicious, nurturing meal. 458 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:55,070 I'm cleaning up, ok? 459 00:19:55,138 --> 00:19:56,121 Yeah? 460 00:19:56,187 --> 00:19:58,522 Absolutely. I'm full here, 461 00:19:58,590 --> 00:20:01,675 but more importantly, I'm full here. 462 00:20:17,671 --> 00:20:21,139 I can't believe he's never seen the wizard of oz. 463 00:20:21,207 --> 00:20:24,225 So how you liking it so far, dad? 464 00:20:24,361 --> 00:20:26,543 Is anyone else but me terrified? 465 00:20:31,983 --> 00:20:33,749 Who wants some more coffee? 466 00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:34,750 Uh, sure. 467 00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:36,252 Ok, I'll go make another pot. 468 00:20:52,381 --> 00:20:53,797 I can explain. 469 00:20:53,865 --> 00:20:55,132 Salad? 470 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,400 I was just, I wasn't... 471 00:20:56,468 --> 00:20:58,801 I... I could understand if it was a piece of fudge, 472 00:20:58,869 --> 00:21:02,337 maybe a calzone, but a salad? 473 00:21:02,405 --> 00:21:05,806 You would do this to me over a salad? 474 00:21:06,841 --> 00:21:08,608 I'm very weak. 475 00:21:08,676 --> 00:21:11,194 Ok, here's how it's gonna go down. 476 00:21:11,262 --> 00:21:12,829 You're gonna clean the blue cheese 477 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,964 from underneath your stubby little fingernails, 478 00:21:15,031 --> 00:21:16,632 then you're gonna rinse out that bowl. 479 00:21:16,683 --> 00:21:19,000 If I see another piece of that woman's tupperware 480 00:21:19,101 --> 00:21:21,001 in my kitchen again, 481 00:21:21,069 --> 00:21:22,903 I'll kill you both. 482 00:21:24,789 --> 00:21:26,188 What are you gonna 483 00:21:26,256 --> 00:21:28,123 whip one of your biscuits at my head? 484 00:21:35,329 --> 00:21:36,513 Oh, God. 485 00:21:41,517 --> 00:21:42,751 Darling, come here. 486 00:21:42,818 --> 00:21:45,636 I've stumbled on a marvelous television program. 487 00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:46,871 Oh, yeah? 488 00:21:46,938 --> 00:21:49,806 Yes, it's a period piece about a simpler time. 489 00:21:49,874 --> 00:21:51,874 Let me bring you up to speed. 490 00:21:51,942 --> 00:21:55,210 The one in the leather jacket is called "Fonzie." 34438

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