All language subtitles for The King of Queens (1998) - S04E09 - Veiled Threat (1080p BluRay x265 RCVR)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,399 --> 00:00:10,968 What up, dawg? 2 00:00:11,036 --> 00:00:12,738 I'm finally cleaning this thing out. You know what? 3 00:00:12,806 --> 00:00:14,976 If we're not gonna actually eat the frozen vegetables, 4 00:00:15,044 --> 00:00:16,045 let's stop buying them. 5 00:00:16,113 --> 00:00:17,948 I don't know who we're trying to impress. 6 00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,824 Oh, my God! 7 00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:25,029 Look at this! 8 00:00:25,096 --> 00:00:27,333 What do we got, a human head? 9 00:00:27,401 --> 00:00:30,940 No. It's the top of our wedding cake. 10 00:00:31,008 --> 00:00:33,278 I completely forgot about this. 11 00:00:33,345 --> 00:00:35,214 Wow. Hmm. 12 00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:37,686 That's our wedding cake from our wedding, 13 00:00:37,754 --> 00:00:39,522 when we got married. 14 00:00:39,590 --> 00:00:42,161 Oh, yeah. We got milk? 15 00:00:42,229 --> 00:00:44,332 You can't eat this. It's over 6 years old. 16 00:00:44,399 --> 00:00:45,534 It's frozen. 17 00:00:45,602 --> 00:00:47,170 Freezing something doesn't magically 18 00:00:47,238 --> 00:00:49,374 keep it good forever and ever. 19 00:00:49,442 --> 00:00:51,546 I'm pretty sure you're wrong. 20 00:00:51,613 --> 00:00:53,749 Could you believe we got married 6 years ago? 21 00:00:53,817 --> 00:00:56,388 I know, gosh, it's kinda wild, huh? 22 00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:57,590 Yeah. 23 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,194 That was a really great time. 24 00:01:07,377 --> 00:01:09,814 Hon? H-honey? Honey, you ok? 25 00:01:09,882 --> 00:01:11,350 You ok in there? Honey... 26 00:01:15,025 --> 00:01:17,395 Carrie's been in there a while, honey, is she ok? 27 00:01:17,463 --> 00:01:19,532 Oh, yeah, ma. She's just preppin' for the party, 28 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,770 you know, a little rougin', a little waxin'. 29 00:01:21,838 --> 00:01:24,008 It's all good. 30 00:01:24,076 --> 00:01:25,577 May I have your attention? 31 00:01:27,382 --> 00:01:29,017 A toast. 32 00:01:29,085 --> 00:01:30,587 To Doug and Carrie, 33 00:01:30,654 --> 00:01:32,824 may their lives be as grand as their wedding. 34 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:37,133 Which, incidentally, I am sparing no expense for. 35 00:01:37,201 --> 00:01:38,668 That's what Carrie's late mother 36 00:01:38,736 --> 00:01:41,107 wanted more than anything in the world. 37 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,445 Next to not dying. 38 00:01:45,349 --> 00:01:46,384 Salud! 39 00:01:46,451 --> 00:01:48,187 Salud! 40 00:01:48,255 --> 00:01:50,792 Hey, I'd like to, uh, make a toast, too. 41 00:01:50,859 --> 00:01:53,431 Who the hell are you? 42 00:01:53,498 --> 00:01:55,034 I'm, uh, Danny, Doug's cousin. 43 00:01:55,101 --> 00:01:57,538 All right, but, I'm watchin' you. 44 00:01:59,676 --> 00:02:02,214 Doug, I, uh, love you like a brother, 45 00:02:02,282 --> 00:02:04,151 and for months, I've been lookin' for a gift 46 00:02:04,218 --> 00:02:06,990 that finally tells you how I feel about you and... 47 00:02:07,057 --> 00:02:08,960 And I found it. 48 00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:11,731 I'm gonna sing at your wedding ceremony, buddy 49 00:02:15,974 --> 00:02:18,077 Wow, singin', huh? 50 00:02:18,145 --> 00:02:19,613 That's... that's nice. 51 00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:22,719 Or if you wanna go another way, music-wise, 52 00:02:22,787 --> 00:02:25,859 we are registered for a cd player at the wiz. 53 00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:28,230 Yeah, but that's so impersonal. 54 00:02:28,298 --> 00:02:30,635 You could engrave it. 55 00:02:30,703 --> 00:02:34,142 Come on, Doug. You can't engrave the human heart. 56 00:02:40,588 --> 00:02:41,957 Oh, God. 57 00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:45,563 Ok, I'm gettin' married in 3 days, 58 00:02:45,630 --> 00:02:47,433 and my fiancee can't stop pukin'. 59 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,270 Ooh, she's still at it, huh? 60 00:02:49,339 --> 00:02:51,508 At this rate, she's gonna open her mout and say, "I do," 61 00:02:51,576 --> 00:02:53,311 and rocket a grilled cheese at my head. 62 00:02:53,379 --> 00:02:55,148 Yeah. Well, 63 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,552 that's the price you pay for lettin' a little lady corral you. 64 00:02:57,620 --> 00:03:00,658 Yep. No woman's gonna put a saddle on this bronco. 65 00:03:02,797 --> 00:03:05,534 Thanks for weighin' in, hoss. 66 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,807 Look, man, don't worry about Carrie throwing up, ok? 67 00:03:08,875 --> 00:03:11,813 She's probably just finally coming to grips with the fact that she's 68 00:03:11,881 --> 00:03:13,683 actually marrying you. 69 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,622 Shut it. 70 00:03:16,689 --> 00:03:18,559 Hey, hey. 71 00:03:18,627 --> 00:03:21,232 If she does cut and run, don't send her my way, all right? 72 00:03:21,299 --> 00:03:24,003 I travel solamente. 73 00:03:28,713 --> 00:03:32,018 Carrie, it's your mother-in-law-to-be. 74 00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,622 Can I come in? 75 00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,391 Sure. 76 00:03:38,464 --> 00:03:40,334 How ya feelin', honey? 77 00:03:40,402 --> 00:03:42,906 I've gotta stop eating Mexican food. 78 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,074 No es bueno. 79 00:03:47,381 --> 00:03:49,418 Come here. 80 00:03:49,485 --> 00:03:52,424 Oh. Thank you. 81 00:03:52,491 --> 00:03:54,060 Oh, that's good. That's good. 82 00:03:54,129 --> 00:03:55,330 Thank you. Thank you. 83 00:03:55,397 --> 00:03:57,166 This isn't from Mexican food. 84 00:03:57,234 --> 00:03:58,770 No? 85 00:03:58,804 --> 00:04:01,642 You know, I went through this exact same thing right before my wedding. 86 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:02,777 You did? 87 00:04:02,844 --> 00:04:05,382 Oh, yeah. I was a wreck. 88 00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:09,222 I mean, you're planning on spending the rest of your life with this person. 89 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,895 You start wondering, "is he cute enough? 90 00:04:11,897 --> 00:04:15,134 Is he funny enough? Will he be a good father?" 91 00:04:15,202 --> 00:04:17,972 Who wouldn't be sick to her stomach? 92 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,010 Well, I totally love Doug. 93 00:04:20,077 --> 00:04:22,548 I mean, I want to marry him. Everything between us is perfect. 94 00:04:22,616 --> 00:04:24,819 It's just this pesky vomiting. 95 00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:30,497 Honey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing my mother told me before my wedding, 96 00:04:30,565 --> 00:04:32,635 and it really took all my fears away. 97 00:04:32,703 --> 00:04:34,137 Oh, good, tell me that thing 98 00:04:34,205 --> 00:04:35,874 because we're meeting with the priest tomorrow 99 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,111 and I really want to be in a good place. 100 00:04:38,179 --> 00:04:39,948 Well, at the end of the day, 101 00:04:40,015 --> 00:04:44,190 all the little things that may or may not be perfect really don't matter, 102 00:04:44,257 --> 00:04:47,262 because when it's right, you know it. 103 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,031 You just know it. 104 00:05:00,455 --> 00:05:01,956 Hey, you ok? 105 00:05:02,024 --> 00:05:03,460 Oh, sure. 106 00:05:03,528 --> 00:05:05,029 I mean, 'cause you haven't eaten in 3 days. 107 00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,398 You're pukin' in church. 108 00:05:06,466 --> 00:05:08,002 I'm fine! I'm fine. 109 00:05:08,069 --> 00:05:09,371 Hey! Father mcandrew! 110 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,041 Doug, good to see you. 111 00:05:11,109 --> 00:05:13,613 Good to see you. Gosh, it's been so long... whoa. 112 00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:14,981 What... what are you, liftin'? 113 00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:16,686 Oh, a little. 114 00:05:16,753 --> 00:05:20,058 Uh, they put a universal in over at the rectory. 115 00:05:20,126 --> 00:05:21,260 Nice guns, padre. 116 00:05:22,731 --> 00:05:24,266 Uh, this is my fiancee, Carrie. 117 00:05:24,335 --> 00:05:25,469 Hi. Nice to meet you. 118 00:05:25,537 --> 00:05:27,205 Well, nice to meet you, too. 119 00:05:27,272 --> 00:05:29,543 You know, I remember Doug when he was just 120 00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:31,479 a chubby little kid at church camp. 121 00:05:31,514 --> 00:05:35,521 And now he's marrying this beautiful girl. 122 00:05:35,588 --> 00:05:37,458 It's somethin' else. 123 00:05:39,363 --> 00:05:40,664 All right, sit. Sit. 124 00:05:40,732 --> 00:05:42,000 Ok. 125 00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:43,402 So, tell me, 126 00:05:43,471 --> 00:05:47,076 have the two of you thought about your vows? 127 00:05:47,143 --> 00:05:48,379 What do you mean? 128 00:05:48,447 --> 00:05:50,516 Well, uh, some people like to write their own, 129 00:05:50,585 --> 00:05:53,923 you know, talk about how they met, somethin' like that. 130 00:05:54,025 --> 00:05:57,061 Um, actually, we... we met in a bar. 131 00:05:57,129 --> 00:05:59,701 Um, it was 132 00:05:59,769 --> 00:06:03,207 jell-o shot night. They had, um, foxy boxing. 133 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:05,611 It's not a great church story. 134 00:06:07,083 --> 00:06:08,450 Although a delightful evening. 135 00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:10,019 That was funny. 136 00:06:10,087 --> 00:06:12,224 Oh, ok, just think about it, all right? 137 00:06:12,291 --> 00:06:14,194 So, have you brought the marriage license? 138 00:06:14,262 --> 00:06:15,831 Oh. Oh, yeah. I've got it right here. 139 00:06:15,899 --> 00:06:16,899 There you go. 140 00:06:16,968 --> 00:06:18,035 Ok. 141 00:06:20,575 --> 00:06:21,942 "Spooner." 142 00:06:22,579 --> 00:06:24,715 Carrie Spooner? 143 00:06:24,783 --> 00:06:27,887 We had a Carrie Spooner in camp one summer. 144 00:06:27,956 --> 00:06:30,459 What? The same camp Doug went to? 145 00:06:30,527 --> 00:06:32,897 No. We didn't... we didn't go to the same camp. 146 00:06:32,964 --> 00:06:35,434 You weren't that girl who was always startin' fights 147 00:06:35,502 --> 00:06:37,973 and moonin' truckers on route 9? 148 00:06:40,112 --> 00:06:41,280 Yes! 149 00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:44,319 Camp unity! 150 00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:46,690 I didn't know that that was a church camp. 151 00:06:46,758 --> 00:06:49,496 I guess that's why they didn't ask me back. 152 00:06:49,563 --> 00:06:54,339 You know, I actually remember your last day. 153 00:06:54,406 --> 00:06:56,810 I think you had a run-in with Doug. 154 00:06:57,712 --> 00:06:58,613 Shut up! 155 00:06:58,681 --> 00:07:00,349 You cheated at kickball, Carrie. 156 00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:01,886 Did not! Did, too! 157 00:07:01,953 --> 00:07:03,756 Shut up! No, you shut up. 158 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,292 Stop! No! You! 159 00:07:05,361 --> 00:07:06,995 Get... Ahhh! 160 00:07:07,063 --> 00:07:08,097 Oh! 161 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:10,970 Oh. You're gross. 162 00:07:15,045 --> 00:07:16,481 That was Doug? 163 00:07:16,548 --> 00:07:18,718 You're telling me I fell on Doug? 164 00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:20,020 Yep. 165 00:07:20,088 --> 00:07:22,892 This is unbelievable! Do you remember this? 166 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,431 Not really, but, I got my armpit hair that summer, 167 00:07:25,499 --> 00:07:27,535 so I was pretty much wrapped up in me. 168 00:07:29,039 --> 00:07:30,908 Do you know what this means? 169 00:07:30,975 --> 00:07:33,346 We met as kids. We met before and didn't even know it. 170 00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:36,852 It's like, we were meant to be or something. 171 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,923 Well, I'm all for that. 172 00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:41,461 So, so, so, so, tell me more about what happened afterwards. 173 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,563 Did we talk? 174 00:07:42,632 --> 00:07:44,500 Mmm, yes. 175 00:07:44,602 --> 00:07:46,604 Some words were exchanged, 176 00:07:46,672 --> 00:07:48,842 and then Doug started to cry. 177 00:07:49,611 --> 00:07:51,414 Oh, my God! 178 00:07:51,482 --> 00:07:54,888 We actually spoke to each other. This is so great! 179 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,130 Morning, all! 180 00:08:00,199 --> 00:08:01,733 Morning! 181 00:08:01,801 --> 00:08:03,871 I trust you like your juice from concentrate. 182 00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:06,877 Oh. Thank you, Arthur. 183 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:10,650 I'll just place it here. Enjoy it when you're ready. 184 00:08:10,718 --> 00:08:14,024 You know, I've been thinkin' about this wedding. 185 00:08:14,091 --> 00:08:16,428 I don't want to take all the glory for myself. 186 00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:19,067 You're entitled. You are the father of the bride. 187 00:08:19,135 --> 00:08:20,536 So her mother claimed. 188 00:08:20,603 --> 00:08:21,871 Still, 189 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:27,082 I'd like to include you both in the process. 190 00:08:27,150 --> 00:08:29,219 Oh, well, thank you. 191 00:08:29,287 --> 00:08:33,026 We should throw a big party for Carrie and Doug every year 192 00:08:33,094 --> 00:08:34,964 and switch off paying. 193 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:38,270 How about you two pay this year? 194 00:08:42,145 --> 00:08:46,218 Uh, Arthur, do you need some help paying for the wedding? 195 00:08:46,286 --> 00:08:50,995 Well, I must admit, I'm a little short on liquid assets right now. 196 00:08:51,062 --> 00:08:52,697 How much do you need? 197 00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,201 All of it. 198 00:08:56,539 --> 00:08:57,707 Hmm. 199 00:08:59,110 --> 00:09:00,545 Well, you know what? 200 00:09:00,613 --> 00:09:03,551 Joe and I would be happy to pay for the wedding. 201 00:09:03,618 --> 00:09:05,755 What just happened here? 202 00:09:06,691 --> 00:09:08,627 I'm not sure about this. 203 00:09:08,695 --> 00:09:11,333 Carrie would be very disappointed in me, 204 00:09:12,035 --> 00:09:13,805 if she knew. 205 00:09:13,872 --> 00:09:15,875 Well, don't worry. Nobody needs to know. 206 00:09:15,942 --> 00:09:18,580 As far as anyone else is concerned, 207 00:09:18,647 --> 00:09:21,151 you are still paying for everything. 208 00:09:22,288 --> 00:09:25,493 I will pay you back with interest! 209 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:29,401 Actually, interest seems a little over the top. 210 00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:32,540 Anyway, it was a pleasure discussing the Monroe doctrine 211 00:09:32,608 --> 00:09:34,878 with the two of you. Good day. 212 00:09:34,946 --> 00:09:37,516 So how did you meeting go with father mcandrew? 213 00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:39,153 Oh, it was great. He's all pumped up. 214 00:09:39,221 --> 00:09:40,522 He's like the catholic hulk. 215 00:09:44,196 --> 00:09:46,466 He was always interested in physical fitness. 216 00:09:46,534 --> 00:09:48,103 Yeah. Oh, and this is weird, too: 217 00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,507 He said he remembered that me and Carrie met when we were kids. 218 00:09:50,575 --> 00:09:51,576 No kidding. 219 00:09:51,644 --> 00:09:53,480 It was the summer of '77. 220 00:09:53,548 --> 00:09:55,851 Apparently we went to church camp together. 221 00:09:55,919 --> 00:09:59,824 Carrie got into a fight with someone and fell on me, and I choked. 222 00:09:59,893 --> 00:10:02,730 It's a whole sweet story. 223 00:10:02,798 --> 00:10:05,669 Wait, wait, wait. That didn't happen to you. That happened to me. 224 00:10:05,737 --> 00:10:07,439 What? Yeah. 225 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,476 Some girl fell on me at camp unity. 226 00:10:09,544 --> 00:10:14,253 I choked, then I cried, then I got a bomb pop. 227 00:10:14,321 --> 00:10:16,625 Nah, nah, nah, nah. Father mcandrew said it was me, 228 00:10:16,692 --> 00:10:18,294 said he remembered yelling Heffernan. 229 00:10:18,362 --> 00:10:20,398 My name is Heffernan. 230 00:10:20,466 --> 00:10:22,802 Actually, the summer of '77, you weren't at camp unity, Doug. 231 00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:24,539 That was the year you went to fat camp. 232 00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:26,275 Football camp. 233 00:10:32,188 --> 00:10:35,293 Hey, coach, when do we play football? 234 00:10:35,361 --> 00:10:36,795 Just keep runnin'. 235 00:10:40,537 --> 00:10:42,740 Yeah. Carrie fell on me, not you. 236 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:43,943 Hey! 237 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,979 Maybe me and Carrie should be gettin' married, 238 00:10:46,047 --> 00:10:48,585 and you should be singing at our wedding, huh? 239 00:10:49,488 --> 00:10:51,090 That was fat camp? 240 00:10:53,395 --> 00:10:55,165 I wanted to tell you. 241 00:11:00,107 --> 00:11:01,376 Hey, amigo. 242 00:11:01,444 --> 00:11:02,912 Hey, man, how's it goin'? 243 00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:05,951 Great! You know, spreadin' my wings, enjoying my freedom. 244 00:11:06,019 --> 00:11:07,221 What brings you here? 245 00:11:07,289 --> 00:11:08,756 Carrie asked me to meet her here. 246 00:11:08,824 --> 00:11:11,496 Oh, well, welcome to the rest of your life, fido. 247 00:11:12,799 --> 00:11:13,833 All right. 248 00:11:14,703 --> 00:11:15,737 Hi, sweetie! 249 00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:18,576 Hey, bridesmaids, huh? 250 00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:19,944 Bride's pit crew. 251 00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:23,652 Go. Ok. 252 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,121 You're just in time. I was just about to tell them 253 00:11:25,189 --> 00:11:26,725 "how we met at camp" story. 254 00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:28,428 Oh, you know what? Funny thing about that story... 255 00:11:28,495 --> 00:11:29,996 No, let me tell it, ok? 256 00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:32,469 So, I'm up in the bleachers, I'm fighting with this skank, 257 00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:35,374 she pushes me, I fall on this boy, and it turns out 258 00:11:35,442 --> 00:11:37,278 this boy is Doug. 259 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,549 Shut up. 260 00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:42,053 Mmm-hmm. We actually met as kids 261 00:11:42,122 --> 00:11:43,189 and didn't even know it! 262 00:11:43,258 --> 00:11:44,325 Ok, I have chills. 263 00:11:44,393 --> 00:11:45,561 Oh, my God, so do I. 264 00:11:45,629 --> 00:11:47,665 Oh, my God, I don't 'cause it's a dumb story. 265 00:11:47,733 --> 00:11:48,900 Excuse me. 266 00:11:48,968 --> 00:11:51,605 That dumb story got rid of all my wedding jitters. 267 00:11:51,673 --> 00:11:53,542 It was like I was totally freaking out, 268 00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:57,684 we go to the church, and the priest just hands me this, 269 00:11:57,752 --> 00:11:59,420 this sign from God. 270 00:11:59,488 --> 00:12:01,724 Total sign from God. 271 00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:03,961 And you just know. 272 00:12:04,029 --> 00:12:06,901 You just know. Right, sweetie? 273 00:12:07,837 --> 00:12:09,306 You know it. 274 00:12:10,676 --> 00:12:11,878 Apparently, this camp story's 275 00:12:11,945 --> 00:12:14,382 what's keeping Carrie from barfin' at the thought of marryin' me, 276 00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:15,718 and... and it's not even true. 277 00:12:15,786 --> 00:12:17,153 Right, right. I see your problem. 278 00:12:17,221 --> 00:12:18,624 Are there any more bugles in there? 279 00:12:18,692 --> 00:12:20,761 Here. So what do I... What do I do? 280 00:12:20,829 --> 00:12:23,433 I mean, do I tell her the truth, or do I just leave it alone? 281 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,136 Leave it alone. 282 00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:27,507 Yeah, but if I leave it alone, that's the first lie of our marriage. 283 00:12:27,575 --> 00:12:30,379 I mean, I know there'll be others, 284 00:12:30,448 --> 00:12:32,751 but this just kicks it off so early. 285 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,188 Leave it alone. 286 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,430 What are you sayin'? That Carrie's so out of my league 287 00:12:39,498 --> 00:12:41,968 that I could only get her to marry me on a lie? 288 00:12:42,770 --> 00:12:45,108 Just leave it alone. 289 00:12:45,175 --> 00:12:46,310 I can't believe you. 290 00:12:46,377 --> 00:12:48,046 Oh, come on, man. It's not a big deal. 291 00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:50,083 I mean, women are just different. 292 00:12:50,151 --> 00:12:53,089 They need to think there's some magic fairy dust sprinkled over everything. 293 00:12:53,157 --> 00:12:54,425 See, all a man needs to know 294 00:12:54,493 --> 00:12:57,731 is that he's getting something "special" on his birthday. 295 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:01,104 Just leave it alone and let her believe. 296 00:13:01,172 --> 00:13:02,508 I guess. 297 00:13:02,575 --> 00:13:04,177 Wait a second. After you're married, 298 00:13:04,244 --> 00:13:05,947 it's not just on your birthday, is it? 299 00:13:07,083 --> 00:13:08,385 You'll see. 300 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,125 Oh. I gotta roll. 301 00:13:12,194 --> 00:13:14,964 Oh, oh, wait, man. I got your, uh, best-man gift right here. Hold on. 302 00:13:15,032 --> 00:13:16,467 Here you go. 303 00:13:18,171 --> 00:13:19,640 It's a flask. 304 00:13:20,643 --> 00:13:21,677 Ok. 305 00:13:22,547 --> 00:13:24,048 You... you don't like it? 306 00:13:24,115 --> 00:13:26,654 No, it's great. I mean, if I ever develop a serious drinking problem, 307 00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,893 I'll, uh... I'll get good use out of this thing. 308 00:13:29,961 --> 00:13:32,465 But they told me it was the classic best-man gift. 309 00:13:32,532 --> 00:13:35,337 If you don't like it, take it up with Manny at the house of pewter. 310 00:13:35,405 --> 00:13:39,511 Look, I love it, ok? Look, I'll see you tomorrow. 311 00:13:39,579 --> 00:13:42,384 Ok, Mr. Spooner, let's review your choices. 312 00:13:42,451 --> 00:13:45,590 Now, the reception will start with a raw-oyster bar 313 00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:47,827 and an assortment of appetizers. 314 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:50,098 The main course will be prime rib, 315 00:13:50,165 --> 00:13:53,304 and for dessert we have individual creme brules 316 00:13:53,372 --> 00:13:56,243 served with a raspberry-and-plum reduction. 317 00:13:56,311 --> 00:13:57,412 Wonderful. 318 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,983 I would also like to add a traveling cart 319 00:14:00,051 --> 00:14:03,089 with a selection of rare single-malt scotches. 320 00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:08,131 Ok, but just so you know, that'll be pretty expensive. 321 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,405 This is my daughter's wedding! Money is no object! 322 00:14:12,475 --> 00:14:13,642 Right? 323 00:14:17,684 --> 00:14:19,254 ♪ 324 00:14:19,322 --> 00:14:20,824 Hey, how you feelin', eh? 325 00:14:20,891 --> 00:14:22,794 You feelin' ready? You feelin' good? 326 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,597 I'd feel a lot better if my future wife 327 00:14:24,665 --> 00:14:26,568 didn't need a fake sign from God to marry me. 328 00:14:26,635 --> 00:14:28,972 Come on, man. We already talked about this. 329 00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:31,745 Hey, I know what'll make you smile. Check this out. 330 00:14:37,891 --> 00:14:39,726 Mm-mmm! 331 00:14:40,295 --> 00:14:41,897 Flask-a-licious. 332 00:14:44,637 --> 00:14:46,472 What are you, drunk? 333 00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:49,211 No. See, I'm cheering you up, telling you how much I like your flask. 334 00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,949 Whatever. You're actin' drunk. 335 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,087 Dude, it's snapple. 336 00:14:54,155 --> 00:14:55,891 You know what? I don't like the gift. 337 00:14:55,958 --> 00:14:59,797 The only reason why I still have it is because Manny wouldn't take it back. 338 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,868 Hello, Douglas. 339 00:15:01,936 --> 00:15:03,304 I don't mean to alarm you two, 340 00:15:03,372 --> 00:15:06,611 but, apparently, the doves are a no-show. 341 00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:09,049 Arthur, we canceled the doves. 342 00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:10,217 I don't understand. 343 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:13,123 Things were getting just a little expensive for us. 344 00:15:13,191 --> 00:15:15,126 But this wedding has to be perfect. 345 00:15:15,194 --> 00:15:16,830 Carrie's mother wanted it that way. 346 00:15:16,898 --> 00:15:18,567 We know. 347 00:15:18,635 --> 00:15:20,738 She's dead, you remember. 348 00:15:20,806 --> 00:15:21,606 Yes. 349 00:15:21,673 --> 00:15:24,678 Arthur, we are paying for everything. 350 00:15:24,746 --> 00:15:26,682 Do you understand that? Do you understand 351 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:28,453 that perhaps it was poor judgment 352 00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:31,124 to get the harpist and the doves 353 00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:33,428 and the t-shirt machine? 354 00:15:33,496 --> 00:15:37,870 I knew it! I knew you would rub this in my face. 355 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,474 How very small. 356 00:15:41,712 --> 00:15:43,447 Your parents are a real piece of work! 357 00:15:43,515 --> 00:15:45,251 Oh, don't blame us! You're the one who... 358 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,355 Joe! Zip it! 359 00:15:47,423 --> 00:15:49,125 Everybody! Everybody, please, just give me a few minutes alone, ok? 360 00:15:49,192 --> 00:15:50,829 Please. Of course, sweetheart. 361 00:15:50,897 --> 00:15:52,264 Ok. 362 00:15:52,332 --> 00:15:53,801 We'll be waiting for you in the sanctuary. 363 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:54,904 Ok, mom. Thanks. 364 00:15:54,971 --> 00:15:56,540 Break a leg. Thanks, dad. 365 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,376 Hey, seriously, man, I... I love the flask. 366 00:15:58,444 --> 00:15:59,579 Oh, come on. Bring it in. 367 00:15:59,647 --> 00:16:01,416 All right. 368 00:16:01,483 --> 00:16:03,385 Oh, you smell like vodka. 369 00:16:03,453 --> 00:16:06,391 Yeah, there's a little bit in there, but I-I'm cool. I'm cool. 370 00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:14,641 Oh. 371 00:16:14,709 --> 00:16:15,910 Isn't this my room? 372 00:16:15,978 --> 00:16:17,881 No. It's my room... my room. 373 00:16:17,949 --> 00:16:19,617 Oh! You're not supposed to see me. 374 00:16:19,685 --> 00:16:21,520 No, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 375 00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,290 Oh, my God, you... 376 00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,693 You look beautiful. 377 00:16:24,761 --> 00:16:26,964 I know. I really do, don't I? 378 00:16:27,032 --> 00:16:29,068 Oh, my God, you're so lucky you're marrying me. 379 00:16:30,271 --> 00:16:31,907 I... I know. 380 00:16:31,974 --> 00:16:33,677 Oh, listen, just to give you a heads-up, 381 00:16:33,745 --> 00:16:35,514 I changed the vows I wrote. 382 00:16:35,582 --> 00:16:37,183 What? Yeah. 383 00:16:37,251 --> 00:16:39,454 I had all this stuff about how much I love you, blah, blah, blah. 384 00:16:39,522 --> 00:16:41,158 But I'm thinkin' I'm gonna go with 385 00:16:41,225 --> 00:16:45,633 the "how we met at camp" story. I wrote it all out. It's money. 386 00:16:45,701 --> 00:16:48,104 I don't know if I'm, uh, lovin' that story for our wedding. 387 00:16:48,172 --> 00:16:49,741 What? Why not? It's a great story. 388 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:52,680 I don't know. I mean, you're fallin', I'm chokin'. 389 00:16:52,747 --> 00:16:55,652 You know, it's very violent. We got kids out there, car. 390 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,890 I'm just sayin', I think you're better off goin' 391 00:16:57,958 --> 00:17:00,027 with the love-me, blah, blah, blah stuff. 392 00:17:00,095 --> 00:17:01,463 It'd be very touching. 393 00:17:01,530 --> 00:17:03,634 Nah. I'm gonna stick with the camp thing. 394 00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:07,107 Ok. You can't. 395 00:17:07,174 --> 00:17:09,277 What? Why? W-what's the matter? 396 00:17:09,345 --> 00:17:12,150 It's just I... I don't think you should go changing our marriage vows 397 00:17:12,218 --> 00:17:13,285 'cause of a stupid story. 398 00:17:13,353 --> 00:17:15,423 All right, Doug, stop calling it stupid, ok? 399 00:17:15,491 --> 00:17:17,861 It's fate. It's a sign from God. 400 00:17:18,764 --> 00:17:20,265 ♪ 401 00:17:22,872 --> 00:17:23,706 ♪ For so long 402 00:17:23,774 --> 00:17:26,311 what the hell is that? 403 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,546 ♪ Feel for you 404 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:30,118 ♪ is more than strong, girl 405 00:17:30,185 --> 00:17:32,188 ♪ take it from me 406 00:17:32,256 --> 00:17:33,590 why is Danny singing? 407 00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:36,597 It's his gift to us. 408 00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:40,438 I just don't understand why you need a... a sign from God so badly. 409 00:17:40,505 --> 00:17:42,542 Because, Doug, 410 00:17:42,610 --> 00:17:44,078 gettin' married is scary, you know? 411 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:47,151 You're supposed to just know if it's right. 412 00:17:47,219 --> 00:17:51,492 And what better way to know than to have God actually tell you. 413 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,730 What's he doing out there? Andy gibb? 414 00:17:53,798 --> 00:17:55,901 I'm just sayin', I... I don't think we need a sign 415 00:17:55,969 --> 00:17:58,839 to tell us that we're right for each other. 416 00:17:58,908 --> 00:18:00,209 But we have one anyway, right? 417 00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:02,079 We don't! We don't! 418 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:03,716 What? 419 00:18:04,852 --> 00:18:06,320 It wasn't me, ok? 420 00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:07,857 I was at another camp that summer. 421 00:18:07,925 --> 00:18:10,295 I was at f-f-football camp. 422 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:14,035 You didn't fall on me. You fell on Danny. 423 00:18:14,103 --> 00:18:16,741 So, look, if you wanna marry me, 424 00:18:16,808 --> 00:18:18,945 you've gotta take a leap of faith. 425 00:18:19,013 --> 00:18:22,685 You know, no meant-to-be's, no destinies, no signs, no nothin'. 426 00:18:23,154 --> 00:18:24,889 It's me. 427 00:18:24,957 --> 00:18:26,492 It's just me. 428 00:18:27,427 --> 00:18:29,064 And isn't that 429 00:18:29,565 --> 00:18:31,201 all you need? 430 00:18:38,082 --> 00:18:41,855 And now it's time for Doug and Carrie 431 00:18:41,923 --> 00:18:45,495 to share the vows that they've written for each other. 432 00:18:45,563 --> 00:18:47,699 Carrie, we'll begin with you. 433 00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,368 Um. 434 00:18:49,437 --> 00:18:51,540 You know what? I... I'll go first. 435 00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:53,878 Ok. We'll begin with Doug. 436 00:18:57,185 --> 00:19:00,424 "Carrie, when I sat down to write these vows, 437 00:19:00,491 --> 00:19:05,600 "I was trying to think of how to express exactly what you mean to me." 438 00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:09,341 "And I guess the best way to say it is" 439 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,011 "you're seconds." 440 00:19:12,615 --> 00:19:15,019 "Allow me to explain." 441 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,725 "It probably won't come as a surprise to you" 442 00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:22,566 "that I, I like to think of my life as a big, long meal." 443 00:19:24,404 --> 00:19:26,673 "All the great things that happened before I met you, 444 00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:31,183 "my family, my friends, Bruce Springsteen, the mets, 445 00:19:31,484 --> 00:19:33,854 "they were my first course. 446 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,959 "But I was, as usual, 447 00:19:36,894 --> 00:19:38,329 "still hungry. 448 00:19:39,699 --> 00:19:41,435 "And then I met you. 449 00:19:42,272 --> 00:19:44,875 "You are my seconds. 450 00:19:44,943 --> 00:19:48,950 "And I know it's hard to believe I'd stop at seconds, 451 00:19:49,018 --> 00:19:52,489 "but you're so great and I love you so much, 452 00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:55,729 I'm finally, totally full." 453 00:19:58,101 --> 00:20:00,504 I guess what I'm trying to say is, 454 00:20:01,607 --> 00:20:03,610 I love you, 455 00:20:03,678 --> 00:20:06,617 and it's good to be with you, 456 00:20:08,989 --> 00:20:11,025 and good luck to you. 457 00:20:14,266 --> 00:20:16,736 Thank you. 458 00:20:16,803 --> 00:20:20,611 And, now, Carrie has some words that she'd like to share. 459 00:20:27,591 --> 00:20:29,794 I'm an idiot. 460 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:34,670 For the past couple days I convinced myself that 461 00:20:34,737 --> 00:20:38,311 I needed a sign from God to marry you, 462 00:20:38,379 --> 00:20:41,015 but I don't need that. 463 00:20:41,084 --> 00:20:44,222 My sign is the way you make me laugh. 464 00:20:45,725 --> 00:20:50,166 My sign is the way you make me feel safe. 465 00:20:50,234 --> 00:20:55,210 My sign is the way I fit perfectly into your arm when we're on the couch. 466 00:20:56,813 --> 00:21:01,255 I know you can't be sure of anything in life, 467 00:21:01,323 --> 00:21:04,595 but looking at you now with your puppy-dog eyes and your shiny shoes 468 00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:07,332 that I know you can't wait to get out of, 469 00:21:08,569 --> 00:21:10,939 that we were meant to be together. 470 00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:19,957 May Doug and Carrie see long and happy days 471 00:21:20,025 --> 00:21:23,230 and be united forever in the kingdom of your glory. 472 00:21:24,766 --> 00:21:27,705 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 473 00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:30,443 You may kiss the bride. 474 00:21:34,552 --> 00:21:37,123 ♪ For so long 475 00:21:39,495 --> 00:21:41,064 ♪ for so long 476 00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:47,008 ♪ is more than strong, girl 477 00:21:47,076 --> 00:21:49,046 ♪ take it from me 478 00:21:53,888 --> 00:21:55,056 ♪ darlin' mine 479 00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:56,860 I'm so lonely. 480 00:21:56,928 --> 00:21:58,831 ♪ I would wait forever 481 00:22:00,501 --> 00:22:01,636 all right, here's the play... 482 00:22:01,705 --> 00:22:02,839 I'm hungry. 483 00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:04,709 Shut up. I want everyone to go long. 484 00:22:04,776 --> 00:22:06,312 Ready? Break! 485 00:22:07,649 --> 00:22:10,185 22! 22! Hike! 486 00:22:18,803 --> 00:22:20,071 Keep goin'! 487 00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:21,808 All the way to the lake! 35171

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