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1
00:00:04,216 --> 00:00:07,517
Is that Dan rather's real hair?
2
00:00:07,585 --> 00:00:09,635
Because it looks great.
3
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:12,802
Doug? Hmm?
4
00:00:20,306 --> 00:00:21,972
I'm wiped. I am going up.
5
00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:23,140
Ok. Good night.
6
00:00:23,208 --> 00:00:25,375
Ow! You shocked me.
7
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:26,842
Ok, I've been shocked before.
8
00:00:26,910 --> 00:00:28,209
It doesn't hurt that much.
9
00:00:28,277 --> 00:00:29,676
Take her down a notch.
10
00:00:47,702 --> 00:00:48,934
Ow!
11
00:00:49,002 --> 00:00:50,902
What a bastard!
Why'd you do that?
12
00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:52,102
I don't know. For kicks.
13
00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:53,536
Oh, all right. It's on.
14
00:00:53,604 --> 00:00:55,337
Oh, yeah? You wanna bring it?
Come on.
15
00:00:55,405 --> 00:00:57,037
You got nothin'. I got big feet.
16
00:00:57,105 --> 00:00:58,471
What's up? What's up?
17
00:00:58,539 --> 00:00:59,806
Yeah, yeah.
18
00:01:05,076 --> 00:01:06,842
Oh yeah, come on, come on.
19
00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:08,443
Come on, come on, come on.
20
00:01:08,976 --> 00:01:10,543
Yow!
21
00:01:13,446 --> 00:01:15,862
Good night. Good night.
22
00:01:18,415 --> 00:01:21,431
♪ My back is gettin' tight
23
00:01:37,489 --> 00:01:39,139
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
24
00:01:48,311 --> 00:01:49,643
Thanks for dinner, Kel'.
25
00:01:49,711 --> 00:01:51,010
Yeah, it was great, baby.
26
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,694
Here, I'll help you, sweetie.
27
00:01:52,762 --> 00:01:54,695
So, Kirby.
28
00:01:54,763 --> 00:01:56,496
Word on the street is
that you're havin'
29
00:01:56,564 --> 00:01:57,563
a birthday next week.
30
00:01:57,631 --> 00:01:59,631
How old you gonna be?
What? 40? 41?
31
00:01:59,698 --> 00:02:00,699
6.
32
00:02:00,766 --> 00:02:02,032
6? Wow!
33
00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:03,866
You know what else I
heard on the street?
34
00:02:03,934 --> 00:02:05,534
That Carrie and I
might be gettin' you
35
00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:06,967
the best birthday gift ever.
36
00:02:07,035 --> 00:02:08,085
What is it?
37
00:02:08,152 --> 00:02:11,020
Ah, I could tell you, but
then I gotta kill you.
38
00:02:11,088 --> 00:02:12,470
You're gonna kill me?
39
00:02:14,605 --> 00:02:15,671
No, no, no.
40
00:02:15,739 --> 00:02:18,538
No, it was just a joke, Kirby.
It was a joke.
41
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,506
Look... look, Spence
will be here any minute.
42
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,141
Why don't you go get
some toys ready
43
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,808
for you guys to play
with tonight, ok?
44
00:02:23,876 --> 00:02:25,275
Ok. All right.
45
00:02:25,342 --> 00:02:26,442
I'm not gonna kill you.
46
00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:28,144
Would you leave it alone?
I will.
47
00:02:28,211 --> 00:02:29,477
I'm just not gonna kill him,
48
00:02:29,544 --> 00:02:30,677
and I want him to know it.
49
00:02:30,745 --> 00:02:32,245
Hey, you guys, um,
50
00:02:32,312 --> 00:02:33,879
Kelly and I were thinking,
51
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,545
instead of going to the movies
52
00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:36,781
like we always do,
53
00:02:36,848 --> 00:02:39,648
how about we go salsa dancing?
54
00:02:45,051 --> 00:02:47,035
What' re you tryin' to prove?
55
00:02:47,103 --> 00:02:48,202
I told you, Kelly!
56
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,103
Let's get goin'. Spence is here.
57
00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:55,071
Hello. Hey.
58
00:02:55,138 --> 00:02:57,038
The baby-sitter's on the clock!
59
00:02:57,106 --> 00:02:58,439
Ka-kung!
60
00:02:59,341 --> 00:03:00,407
The spencinator's here!
61
00:03:00,474 --> 00:03:01,807
Oh, there he is!
62
00:03:01,874 --> 00:03:04,309
Ok, now that the spencinator
has come to our rescue,
63
00:03:04,376 --> 00:03:05,475
let's get going.
64
00:03:05,543 --> 00:03:06,577
Bye, Kirby. Be good.
65
00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:07,643
Hey, car', drive with me
66
00:03:07,711 --> 00:03:08,843
so we can keep talking.
67
00:03:08,911 --> 00:03:09,944
Ok. Bye, you guys.
68
00:03:10,012 --> 00:03:11,645
He's your babysitter?
69
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,446
You couldn't get a hot
16-year-old girl,
70
00:03:13,514 --> 00:03:14,580
like normal people?
71
00:03:14,647 --> 00:03:16,280
No.
72
00:03:16,348 --> 00:03:18,081
Spence and Kirby really
like each other.
73
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:19,615
Oh, really? That's great.
74
00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:20,981
2 words: Nanny cam.
75
00:03:28,103 --> 00:03:30,203
They still behind us?
76
00:03:30,271 --> 00:03:31,603
Yep.
77
00:03:33,055 --> 00:03:36,056
Our wives have very
different-sized heads.
78
00:03:37,490 --> 00:03:39,990
Carrie, a little small.
79
00:03:40,058 --> 00:03:41,958
Kelly, a little big.
80
00:03:42,993 --> 00:03:45,025
But they pull it off.
81
00:03:45,093 --> 00:03:47,093
See, now, if they
switched heads, see,
82
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,426
that wouldn't work at all.
83
00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:49,661
Yeah.
84
00:03:50,929 --> 00:03:53,096
But if they did switch heads,
85
00:03:53,863 --> 00:03:55,630
who would you go home with?
86
00:03:57,531 --> 00:03:59,632
I think you go with the head.
87
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:00,732
Hmm.
88
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:01,800
Yeah.
89
00:04:04,935 --> 00:04:06,501
Oh, hey, you know
what's comin' up?
90
00:04:06,569 --> 00:04:08,869
That strip club.
The coconut tiger.
91
00:04:08,937 --> 00:04:10,036
Oh, yeah?
92
00:04:10,104 --> 00:04:11,870
Yeah, it's actually
kind of near my route,
93
00:04:11,938 --> 00:04:14,005
so every afternoon, I go
a little out of my way
94
00:04:14,073 --> 00:04:15,072
to drive by.
95
00:04:15,139 --> 00:04:16,438
See, when the door is open,
96
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,223
you can catch a little
somethin'-somethin'.
97
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,357
Huh. Informative.
98
00:04:22,559 --> 00:04:24,659
Oh, and there it is.
99
00:04:24,726 --> 00:04:26,060
The door is open.
100
00:04:26,128 --> 00:04:27,361
Mmm-hmm.
101
00:04:28,344 --> 00:04:29,745
Whoa. Huh?
102
00:04:31,829 --> 00:04:33,362
What the hell?
103
00:04:38,932 --> 00:04:40,432
Hit best friend's car.
104
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:41,900
Can't look right at them.
105
00:04:43,101 --> 00:04:44,133
Everybody ok?
106
00:04:44,202 --> 00:04:45,435
Yeah, we're fine.
107
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:47,268
Nice going, Doug. What happened?
108
00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:49,135
Sorry. It's just I was, uh...
109
00:04:50,171 --> 00:04:52,104
I was, uh, reaching
for a fig Newton,
110
00:04:52,172 --> 00:04:54,138
and I took my eyes off
the road for a second,
111
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:55,772
a fig Newton? That's all.
112
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,473
You had half a cheesecake
at Deacon and Kelly's
113
00:04:58,541 --> 00:04:59,907
not 15 minutes ago.
114
00:04:59,974 --> 00:05:02,342
Yeah. 15 minutes ago.
115
00:05:03,577 --> 00:05:04,875
It's not so bad.
116
00:05:04,943 --> 00:05:06,910
It's just a busted taillight
and a little dent.
117
00:05:06,977 --> 00:05:08,143
Yeah, you know what?
118
00:05:08,212 --> 00:05:09,212
And our car looks fine.
119
00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:10,679
Don't worry, guys.
120
00:05:10,746 --> 00:05:12,012
We'll pay for the damage.
Yeah, totally.
121
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,046
It's no biggie. It's cool.
122
00:05:16,748 --> 00:05:18,332
What you got there, Kel'?
What is that?
123
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,533
A camera?
124
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,684
Oh, this? My dad always
said to take a...
125
00:05:22,752 --> 00:05:24,685
You know, whenever
there is an accident.
126
00:05:24,753 --> 00:05:26,252
Wow, that came up pretty fast.
127
00:05:26,319 --> 00:05:27,586
What, you got that thing
128
00:05:27,653 --> 00:05:29,854
strapped to your
leg, or something?
129
00:05:29,921 --> 00:05:31,755
Hey, while... while
the camera's out, um,
130
00:05:31,822 --> 00:05:33,422
how about one with me and Doug?
131
00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:35,889
Ok. Here, uh, whoops.
132
00:05:35,956 --> 00:05:37,273
That's hilarious.
133
00:05:37,341 --> 00:05:38,306
Yeah.
134
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,709
Well, if we still want
to make that movie,
135
00:05:44,777 --> 00:05:46,310
we should... We should
just get going.
136
00:05:46,377 --> 00:05:47,812
Yeah. I hate it when we're late.
137
00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:49,646
You don't want to be
late to the movies.
138
00:05:49,712 --> 00:05:51,846
You're late, you never get
to your seat on time.
139
00:05:51,914 --> 00:05:54,614
There's a guy in front of you,
he's wearing a hat, and...
140
00:05:54,682 --> 00:05:56,198
Pfft. I'm tired.
141
00:06:01,818 --> 00:06:03,617
Oh. Oh.
142
00:06:03,685 --> 00:06:06,653
No one's ever beaten
the spencinator,
143
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,353
and they still haven't. Ha!
144
00:06:10,221 --> 00:06:11,455
Spencinator, are you
145
00:06:11,522 --> 00:06:13,355
the strongest man in the world?
146
00:06:13,423 --> 00:06:16,156
Well, the world's a
pretty big place,
147
00:06:16,223 --> 00:06:17,824
but maybe.
148
00:06:17,891 --> 00:06:19,058
I'm hungry.
149
00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:20,659
What do you want to
eat, little man?
150
00:06:20,726 --> 00:06:22,125
Peanut butter and jelly.
151
00:06:22,193 --> 00:06:23,426
Oh, well, ok, I'm sorry.
152
00:06:23,494 --> 00:06:25,894
I can't make that because
I'm allergic to peanuts,
153
00:06:25,962 --> 00:06:26,994
but, uh, how about
154
00:06:27,062 --> 00:06:28,795
a nice grilled cheese
sandwich instead?
155
00:06:28,863 --> 00:06:30,395
What's allergic?
156
00:06:30,464 --> 00:06:32,029
Aller-allergic?
157
00:06:32,097 --> 00:06:33,396
Well, uh, that means that
158
00:06:33,465 --> 00:06:36,865
if... if I so much as touch
a peanut, or peanut butter,
159
00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:39,467
or anything that even has
little bits of peanuts in it,
160
00:06:39,534 --> 00:06:42,133
my body says, "I
don't like this."
161
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,502
And then my throat
gets really small.
162
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,902
My head gets really big.
163
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,770
Let me see.
164
00:06:47,838 --> 00:06:49,938
Well, that's not
gonna happen, pal.
165
00:06:50,005 --> 00:06:51,338
But what's the verdict
166
00:06:51,405 --> 00:06:52,972
on that grilled
cheese sandwich, huh?
167
00:06:53,039 --> 00:06:54,038
Yay or nay?
168
00:06:54,106 --> 00:06:55,373
You're scared of peanuts.
169
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:58,074
Ok, I'm not scared of
peanuts, I'm just allergic.
170
00:06:58,141 --> 00:07:01,008
You're scared of peanuts. You're
scared of peanuts. No, I'm not.
171
00:07:01,076 --> 00:07:02,409
You're scared of peanuts.
172
00:07:02,478 --> 00:07:03,610
Ok, stop it.
173
00:07:08,913 --> 00:07:10,946
Ahh. Whew.
174
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,780
How great is a booth?
175
00:07:12,848 --> 00:07:15,447
I mean, tables are
fine, but a booth
176
00:07:15,516 --> 00:07:17,883
is like a vacation for your ass.
177
00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:23,918
So, this is nice.
178
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:26,319
2 nights in one
week with you guys.
179
00:07:26,387 --> 00:07:28,286
Yeah, and tonight, we
didn't even ram you.
180
00:07:29,588 --> 00:07:31,522
Well, there's always
the drive home.
181
00:07:33,590 --> 00:07:35,523
You know, speaking
of ramming us,
182
00:07:35,590 --> 00:07:37,724
uh, we brought the quote
for the work on the car
183
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,491
so you can give it to
your insurance guy.
184
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,291
Oh, good, good, although
we weren't gonna
185
00:07:41,359 --> 00:07:42,525
go through our insurance.
186
00:07:42,593 --> 00:07:43,543
Oh, really?
187
00:07:43,611 --> 00:07:45,027
No, I have so many violations,
188
00:07:45,095 --> 00:07:47,028
if we make another claim,
they might drop us.
189
00:07:47,095 --> 00:07:48,328
But the good news is,
190
00:07:48,396 --> 00:07:50,896
now we have a free pop
at a stranger's car.
191
00:07:50,964 --> 00:07:52,164
Hi, road rage.
192
00:07:52,231 --> 00:07:53,730
Welcome back, old friend.
193
00:07:56,167 --> 00:07:57,299
Wow.
194
00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,367
What can I get for you folks?
195
00:07:59,434 --> 00:08:02,868
You happen to have
$1,181 I could borrow?
196
00:08:02,935 --> 00:08:04,302
Sweet mama.
197
00:08:06,003 --> 00:08:07,370
We're gonna need a few minutes.
198
00:08:07,437 --> 00:08:08,770
Sure.
199
00:08:08,837 --> 00:08:12,104
Look, I know it's a little
more than we thought, but, um,
200
00:08:12,173 --> 00:08:14,239
it turns out the bumper
was pretty screwed up,
201
00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:16,040
an-and underneath,
near the axle, see,
202
00:08:16,107 --> 00:08:17,474
there was this other thing.
203
00:08:17,542 --> 00:08:19,341
It's all right there, see?
Signed by Rory.
204
00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,543
So, you got this quote
from the dealership, huh?
205
00:08:21,610 --> 00:08:23,009
Uh, yeah. Mmm-hmm.
206
00:08:23,077 --> 00:08:25,411
Just so you know, they always
charge more at the dealership.
207
00:08:25,479 --> 00:08:27,145
You know, you're
paying for the frills,
208
00:08:27,213 --> 00:08:28,945
the coffee and the
doughnuts and whatnot.
209
00:08:29,013 --> 00:08:30,046
It's like, you know what?
210
00:08:30,113 --> 00:08:31,713
I'll bring my own
coffee, thank you.
211
00:08:31,781 --> 00:08:34,148
Just don't charge me up the wazoo.
Exactly. Exactly.
212
00:08:34,216 --> 00:08:35,549
But, you know, whatever.
213
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,516
Well, it's just that
we've used them before,
214
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,250
and they do really
good work, you know?
215
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,218
Uh, you know who else
does a really good job
216
00:08:41,286 --> 00:08:42,785
is our guy over
at I.P.S., Eddie,
217
00:08:42,852 --> 00:08:44,885
and I bet you he'd charge,
like, half of this.
218
00:08:44,952 --> 00:08:46,287
Yeah.
219
00:08:46,354 --> 00:08:48,687
The... the thing is, the
dealership is authorized.
220
00:08:48,754 --> 00:08:50,254
Oh, no, it's cool. It's cool.
221
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:51,788
I mean, we do drive
on Eddie's work
222
00:08:51,855 --> 00:08:52,889
every day of our lives,
223
00:08:52,956 --> 00:08:54,557
but, you know, if
he's not authorized,
224
00:08:54,624 --> 00:08:56,357
he's not authorized.
225
00:08:56,425 --> 00:08:57,957
Whatever that means.
226
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:02,543
Yeah, but, the thing is, uh,
our kids ride in that car,
227
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:05,011
so we really want the
work done right.
228
00:09:05,079 --> 00:09:06,812
Yeah, the kids, right.
229
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,446
That's some precious
cargo right there.
230
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,847
Well, you could always
go through insurance.
231
00:09:12,915 --> 00:09:14,781
Like we said, no can do.
232
00:09:14,849 --> 00:09:16,015
Right.
233
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:17,650
Right.
234
00:09:17,717 --> 00:09:19,217
So, uh, Eddie, nothin'?
235
00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:21,185
Oh, no. No.
236
00:09:21,252 --> 00:09:22,435
No.
237
00:09:22,502 --> 00:09:23,802
It's all good. It's all good.
238
00:09:23,870 --> 00:09:25,169
Yeah. Yeah. You know what?
239
00:09:25,237 --> 00:09:27,537
We'll just, uh, we'll
just write a check.
240
00:09:28,271 --> 00:09:29,371
Old checky.
241
00:09:58,101 --> 00:09:59,400
R-r-rip.
242
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:04,802
Oh, you went for the
dolphins on your check.
243
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:05,937
Oh.
244
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:07,171
What?
245
00:10:07,239 --> 00:10:09,672
W-well, actually, it's $1,181.
246
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:10,739
What'd I write?
247
00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:11,905
Oh, you wrote $1,118.
248
00:10:11,973 --> 00:10:13,522
But you know what?
I-it's no big deal.
249
00:10:13,591 --> 00:10:15,323
No, no, no, no. That's
fine, you know.
250
00:10:15,391 --> 00:10:16,692
We'll just write
out another check.
251
00:10:16,759 --> 00:10:18,075
No problem. It's cool.
It's cool.
252
00:10:25,745 --> 00:10:26,745
Hmm.
253
00:10:32,648 --> 00:10:34,548
Think I'm getting onion rings.
254
00:10:44,171 --> 00:10:46,137
Well, that was a
creepy little dinner
255
00:10:46,204 --> 00:10:48,204
we had with our "best friends."
256
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,939
You really learn
something about people
257
00:10:50,006 --> 00:10:52,440
when you plow into their car.
258
00:10:52,508 --> 00:10:55,457
They had to go to
the dealership.
259
00:10:55,525 --> 00:10:57,725
"Our kids ride in that car."
260
00:10:57,793 --> 00:11:00,059
Like all of a sudden she's
"mother of the year."
261
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,928
Meanwhile, she leaves her
kids with Spence. Ok.
262
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,628
And she left 'em with us once.
263
00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:07,596
You know, it's like,
"hello, social services."
264
00:11:07,663 --> 00:11:08,897
And another thing,
265
00:11:08,964 --> 00:11:10,864
we give 'em a $1,200 check,
266
00:11:10,932 --> 00:11:12,099
and when the bill comes,
267
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:14,766
Deacon, who had a soup,
and a Margarita,
268
00:11:14,833 --> 00:11:16,600
and the sizzling entree,
269
00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:19,368
says, "hey, let's split it."
270
00:11:19,435 --> 00:11:20,468
Split it?
271
00:11:20,536 --> 00:11:21,735
Total gyp!
272
00:11:22,870 --> 00:11:24,271
Here's the deal, honey.
273
00:11:24,337 --> 00:11:26,038
You know, the next time
we go out with them,
274
00:11:26,105 --> 00:11:27,471
I am removing all your limits.
275
00:11:27,539 --> 00:11:29,172
You eat until they
have to cut you out
276
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:30,806
of the restaurant.
277
00:11:30,874 --> 00:11:32,974
Start fittin' me
for a piano box.
278
00:11:34,409 --> 00:11:36,175
This is so typical.
279
00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:38,943
You remember, a few weeks ago
I lent Kelly that scarf?
280
00:11:39,011 --> 00:11:41,644
She never gave it back.
281
00:11:41,711 --> 00:11:43,912
I mean, it was
ugly, but still...
282
00:11:43,979 --> 00:11:46,446
Whoa, wait a second. Didn't
I give you that scarf?
283
00:11:48,647 --> 00:11:50,514
This isn't about me.
284
00:11:54,634 --> 00:11:55,933
What is up with those 2?
285
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,367
It's unbelievable.
286
00:11:57,435 --> 00:11:59,435
We do them a favor by not
going through insurance,
287
00:11:59,502 --> 00:12:01,869
and they make it out like
we're the bad guys, here?
288
00:12:01,937 --> 00:12:04,170
And did you see that look
on his face when I said:
289
00:12:04,237 --> 00:12:05,538
"Let's split the bill"?
290
00:12:05,605 --> 00:12:07,004
Like we haven't been
on the losing end
291
00:12:07,072 --> 00:12:09,105
of that one for 7 years.
292
00:12:09,173 --> 00:12:11,472
And look at this check.
Dolphins?
293
00:12:11,540 --> 00:12:13,573
Like she gives 2
craps about nature.
294
00:12:13,641 --> 00:12:15,608
Yeah, well, those dolphins
are about to swim
295
00:12:15,676 --> 00:12:17,309
right into our a.T.M. Machine.
296
00:12:17,376 --> 00:12:19,410
That's right. Give it up.
297
00:12:22,245 --> 00:12:24,646
Kirby, I'm not gonna
go through this again
298
00:12:24,648 --> 00:12:25,879
with you tonight.
299
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,447
Oh, ok.
300
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:30,215
Kirby, it's time to
brush your teeth
301
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:31,381
and go to bed.
302
00:12:31,449 --> 00:12:33,816
No. I'm eating peanuts,
and you can't stop me.
303
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:34,917
Ok, come on.
304
00:12:34,984 --> 00:12:36,184
No.
305
00:12:36,251 --> 00:12:39,018
Kirby, hey! That's not...
Kirby, that's not funny.
306
00:12:39,085 --> 00:12:41,619
Kirby, there's peanut dust
in the air now, all right?
307
00:12:41,687 --> 00:12:43,120
Kirb... Kirby, stop.
308
00:12:43,188 --> 00:12:45,987
Kirby, the spencinator
commands you stop.
309
00:12:46,055 --> 00:12:48,789
You're not the spencinator,
you're the scaredinator.
310
00:12:48,857 --> 00:12:50,857
The scare... oh, there
is so no such thing.
311
00:12:50,925 --> 00:12:52,524
Is too. Is not.
312
00:12:52,591 --> 00:12:53,474
Scaredinator.
313
00:12:53,541 --> 00:12:54,540
I'm not the scaredinator.
314
00:12:54,609 --> 00:12:56,274
Eat a peanut.
315
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:01,443
I can't.
316
00:13:01,511 --> 00:13:02,945
Then you're not the spencinator,
317
00:13:03,013 --> 00:13:05,813
and I don't want you
to come here anymore.
318
00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:07,714
All right.
319
00:13:11,549 --> 00:13:13,216
Kirby,
320
00:13:14,618 --> 00:13:16,918
I'm gonna level with you, ok?
321
00:13:19,302 --> 00:13:20,869
I live a small life.
322
00:13:21,671 --> 00:13:23,320
I work in the subway.
323
00:13:23,388 --> 00:13:25,838
I've been held up at
17 gunpoint times,
324
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:29,389
and... and twice with a finger.
325
00:13:32,041 --> 00:13:33,474
Ok, I don't have a
lot of friends,
326
00:13:33,543 --> 00:13:35,275
and the ones that I do have,
327
00:13:35,343 --> 00:13:38,760
make sport of my
many deficiencies.
328
00:13:38,828 --> 00:13:43,729
Most prominently, my
unusually wide hips.
329
00:13:43,797 --> 00:13:46,980
So, when you started thinking
that I was a superhero,
330
00:13:47,048 --> 00:13:49,549
you know, it... it
meant a lot to me.
331
00:13:49,616 --> 00:13:51,583
And... and I just...
332
00:13:51,650 --> 00:13:53,283
What I'm trying to say is,
333
00:13:53,351 --> 00:13:55,250
I need to be the spencinator
334
00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:58,118
as badly as you need me
to be the spencinator.
335
00:13:58,186 --> 00:13:59,885
So, let's not let a little thing
336
00:13:59,953 --> 00:14:01,920
like a peanut, ruin that, huh?
337
00:14:01,987 --> 00:14:03,421
You with me, kiddo?
338
00:14:05,389 --> 00:14:06,923
Scaredinator.
339
00:14:16,844 --> 00:14:18,576
Hey, baby.
340
00:14:18,644 --> 00:14:20,044
I'm running a little late, here.
341
00:14:20,112 --> 00:14:22,445
Oh, and f.Y.I., I used your
toothbrush by mistake.
342
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,613
Ooh.
343
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,680
Who you oohing about?
We're married.
344
00:14:26,748 --> 00:14:27,915
Then why'd you say anything?
345
00:14:27,982 --> 00:14:30,499
You must have thought you
did something wrong.
346
00:14:30,566 --> 00:14:32,733
No. I just thought you
had a right to know.
347
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,083
So sorry my mouth repulses you.
348
00:14:37,402 --> 00:14:39,552
Well, it does.
349
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,437
You want some breakfast,
or something?
350
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,320
You know what, I'm just
gonna grab a pop-tart
351
00:14:43,388 --> 00:14:44,420
and eat it in the car.
352
00:14:44,488 --> 00:14:45,855
Ah! Ah! No, no, no.
353
00:14:45,922 --> 00:14:48,023
Last time you ate in the
car, you cost us $1,200.
354
00:14:48,091 --> 00:14:50,823
Also known as half
our bank account.
355
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,791
Remember your little fig Newton?
356
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,026
Oh, yeah.
357
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,559
Yeah, I got news
for you, Jackson.
358
00:14:55,627 --> 00:14:58,361
You are banned from eating
in any car, ever, for life.
359
00:14:58,428 --> 00:15:00,245
Ok, you know what?
You can't ban me.
360
00:15:00,312 --> 00:15:02,045
I'll just grab another
one and that's...
361
00:15:02,113 --> 00:15:03,980
All right, give...
give me the pop-tart.
362
00:15:04,747 --> 00:15:06,347
No. I'm serious, Doug.
363
00:15:06,414 --> 00:15:08,181
You're done. That's it.
364
00:15:12,817 --> 00:15:15,751
Ok. Here's the thing.
365
00:15:15,818 --> 00:15:18,952
I wasn't actually
reaching for a fig Newton
366
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:20,987
when we had the accident.
367
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,355
I was... I was trying to get
a look at a strip club,
368
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,673
so let's not blame an
innocent fig Newton.
369
00:15:26,740 --> 00:15:29,740
A strip club? What can you
possibly see from the street?
370
00:15:29,808 --> 00:15:32,408
It just so happens that
I saw a nipple, ok?
371
00:15:34,677 --> 00:15:36,777
Actually, it... it might
have been a light switch
372
00:15:36,844 --> 00:15:38,010
or a thing on a guy's neck,
373
00:15:38,077 --> 00:15:41,545
but I'd like to think
it was a nipple.
374
00:15:41,613 --> 00:15:45,547
So you smashed our car
and mortgaged our future
375
00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:47,014
just to see a light switch
376
00:15:47,081 --> 00:15:48,981
that kind of looked
like a nipple?
377
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,049
Deacon told me to look,
so I looked, ok?
378
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,183
Wait. Wait a minute.
379
00:15:52,250 --> 00:15:53,850
Deacon... Deacon
told you to look?
380
00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:54,718
Pretty much, yeah.
381
00:15:54,786 --> 00:15:56,618
Well, that's an interesting
little tidbit.
382
00:15:56,686 --> 00:15:58,418
How come you didn't
tell me that before?
383
00:15:58,487 --> 00:16:00,336
'Cause I didn't want
a pop-tart before.
384
00:16:03,572 --> 00:16:05,338
What difference does
it make anyway?
385
00:16:05,406 --> 00:16:06,556
It makes a big difference.
386
00:16:06,624 --> 00:16:08,723
It means the accident
wasn't all your fault.
387
00:16:08,791 --> 00:16:09,991
Carrie, I was still driving.
388
00:16:10,059 --> 00:16:11,792
Are you familiar
with the law, Doug?
389
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:13,893
Only what I've learned
from judge mills Lane.
390
00:16:13,959 --> 00:16:15,726
Well, I happen to be a secretary
391
00:16:15,794 --> 00:16:17,260
at a major law firm,
392
00:16:17,328 --> 00:16:18,928
and d'you know what that means?
393
00:16:18,996 --> 00:16:21,261
Deacon made you look,
so he's at fault, too.
394
00:16:21,329 --> 00:16:22,729
It's called chain of causation,
395
00:16:22,797 --> 00:16:25,230
and it is a legal fact.
396
00:16:25,298 --> 00:16:26,915
Chain of causation.
397
00:16:26,982 --> 00:16:28,281
Huh.
398
00:16:28,283 --> 00:16:29,465
So do you think it's fair
399
00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:31,150
that we pay for the whole thing?
400
00:16:31,218 --> 00:16:33,400
No, I do not, and I will
talk to my friend Deacon
401
00:16:33,468 --> 00:16:34,968
when I get to work.
402
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,836
Now give me the pop-tart
before I eat my own hand.
403
00:16:43,822 --> 00:16:44,889
Hey, man.
404
00:16:44,956 --> 00:16:46,490
Hey. I-I'm a little short here.
405
00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:47,923
You got a quarter on you?
406
00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:53,925
Thanks.
407
00:16:53,993 --> 00:16:55,360
So did you get the
car fixed yet?
408
00:16:55,428 --> 00:16:57,261
Uh, it's in the shop right now.
409
00:16:57,328 --> 00:16:59,728
Ah, great. Great.
410
00:16:59,796 --> 00:17:02,646
I know, it's crazy,
that accident.
411
00:17:02,714 --> 00:17:04,246
El accidente.
412
00:17:05,782 --> 00:17:07,781
Crazy how the whole thing happened.
Isn't it?
413
00:17:07,849 --> 00:17:09,049
I guess.
414
00:17:09,117 --> 00:17:10,449
I mean, there I
am driving along,
415
00:17:10,518 --> 00:17:12,250
eyes on the road, hands
10 and 2, you know,
416
00:17:12,318 --> 00:17:14,251
you tell me to look over
at that strip club,
417
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:16,252
so I look over, and...
418
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:17,920
Actually,
419
00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:20,921
it's almost like because
you told me to look over,
420
00:17:20,989 --> 00:17:23,155
you're kind of partially
to blame here.
421
00:17:23,223 --> 00:17:25,222
That's kind of nutty, huh?
422
00:17:25,289 --> 00:17:27,724
I'm not partially to blame.
I never told you to look.
423
00:17:27,791 --> 00:17:29,457
Well, you yelled, "whoa."
424
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:30,958
Whoa is the same as "hey, look,"
425
00:17:31,026 --> 00:17:33,493
especially when it
comes to boobies.
426
00:17:33,561 --> 00:17:35,527
I didn't yell, "whoa."
I said it to myself.
427
00:17:35,594 --> 00:17:37,327
Nah. No, you said
it like, "whoa!"
428
00:17:37,395 --> 00:17:39,228
It wasn't "whoa!"
It was more like:
429
00:17:39,295 --> 00:17:41,362
Whoa.
430
00:17:41,430 --> 00:17:43,330
Whatever. The point is
the whoa was clearly
431
00:17:43,398 --> 00:17:44,463
to attract my attention.
432
00:17:44,532 --> 00:17:45,964
You're out of your mind, man.
433
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:48,032
Maybe, but you know what
it sounds like to me?
434
00:17:48,099 --> 00:17:51,567
It sounds like a textbook
case of chain of causation.
435
00:17:53,636 --> 00:17:55,502
Chain of causation.
436
00:17:55,570 --> 00:17:57,537
What is that, a
legal term, Doug?
437
00:17:57,604 --> 00:17:59,037
That's what it is, yeah.
438
00:17:59,771 --> 00:18:01,204
What does it mean?
439
00:18:01,272 --> 00:18:02,471
Well, what it means,
440
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,506
is that you're the
link in the chain
441
00:18:05,574 --> 00:18:08,174
that caused me to take
my eyes off the road.
442
00:18:08,242 --> 00:18:10,708
Chain of causation.
443
00:18:11,276 --> 00:18:12,543
Right.
444
00:18:12,610 --> 00:18:14,544
So what are you gonna do?
Sue me?
445
00:18:14,611 --> 00:18:16,277
Well, I don't think
it'll come to that.
446
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:17,411
Good.
447
00:18:17,478 --> 00:18:19,245
Because...
448
00:18:19,312 --> 00:18:23,147
I don't, uh, think you would
want Kelly to find out
449
00:18:23,214 --> 00:18:25,114
that you go out of
your way every day
450
00:18:25,182 --> 00:18:27,649
to drive by and look
inside a strip club.
451
00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:31,751
You know my marriage is
still a little shaky,
452
00:18:31,818 --> 00:18:33,018
and you would mess with that
453
00:18:33,085 --> 00:18:34,652
just to collect a few dollars
454
00:18:34,719 --> 00:18:36,419
for an accident that you caused?
455
00:18:36,486 --> 00:18:38,086
Is that what you
want to do, Doug?
456
00:18:38,154 --> 00:18:40,187
Is that how much you
want to hurt me?
457
00:18:42,256 --> 00:18:43,321
No.
458
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:46,690
Hey, honey.
459
00:18:46,757 --> 00:18:49,141
Hey, so how'd it go with Deacon?
460
00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:50,491
I tried. I got nothin'.
461
00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:52,993
Well, did... did you bring
up the chain of causation?
462
00:18:53,061 --> 00:18:54,427
Yeah. He didn't go for it.
463
00:18:54,494 --> 00:18:56,161
Huh.
464
00:18:56,229 --> 00:18:58,462
Actually, I, um, I talked
to one of the lawyers
465
00:18:58,530 --> 00:18:59,529
at work today,
466
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:01,263
and it turns out that I, uh,
467
00:19:01,331 --> 00:19:02,863
I got it pretty wrong. Mmm.
468
00:19:04,081 --> 00:19:05,748
Ok, well, we tried.
469
00:19:05,816 --> 00:19:07,882
Damn it.
470
00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:11,451
You know what I bet you
they're doin' right now?
471
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,685
They're sittin' there
472
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,653
with their fixed
car and safe kids,
473
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:18,153
wearing my scarf,
just laughing at us.
474
00:19:20,488 --> 00:19:23,239
Well, their little
party's about to end.
475
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:30,442
Hi. Remember that
scarf I lent you?
476
00:19:30,509 --> 00:19:32,543
I'm gonna need it back. Thanks.
477
00:19:34,845 --> 00:19:37,145
Oh, I... I meant to
give that to you.
478
00:19:37,212 --> 00:19:38,246
Ok.
479
00:19:39,647 --> 00:19:41,747
Here. I had it dry-cleaned.
480
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,115
Oh, did you?
481
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:47,050
That was very sweet. Thank you.
482
00:19:50,169 --> 00:19:51,318
Ok, Kirby.
483
00:19:51,385 --> 00:19:52,484
What's Kirby-ish?
484
00:19:52,552 --> 00:19:54,819
I'm Kirby. I'm turnin' 6.
What do I want?
485
00:19:54,886 --> 00:19:56,320
Here. Get him this.
He'll love it.
486
00:19:56,387 --> 00:19:57,653
Ok. That's a pricing gun.
487
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,121
Well, honey, I don't know.
488
00:19:59,189 --> 00:20:01,255
Just pick something. I
want to get out of here.
489
00:20:01,323 --> 00:20:02,956
Well, we gotta get
him something nice.
490
00:20:03,023 --> 00:20:04,656
I told him we'd get
him something nice.
491
00:20:04,723 --> 00:20:05,723
Well, I'm sorry.
492
00:20:05,791 --> 00:20:07,191
It's hard to pick
out a great gift
493
00:20:07,259 --> 00:20:09,025
for a kid whose parents
bitch-slapped you
494
00:20:09,093 --> 00:20:10,759
out of everything you
have in checking.
495
00:20:10,827 --> 00:20:13,061
Well, we probably shouldn't
take it out on Kirby.
496
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,444
He didn't do anything to us.
497
00:20:14,511 --> 00:20:15,978
He's their evil spawn.
498
00:20:16,046 --> 00:20:18,163
Ok.
499
00:20:18,230 --> 00:20:20,263
You-you're lookin' a lot
like this right now.
500
00:20:20,331 --> 00:20:21,896
That's what I'm
gettin' from you, ok?
501
00:20:21,965 --> 00:20:23,332
I'm gettin' this.
502
00:20:23,399 --> 00:20:25,498
Ok?
503
00:20:25,566 --> 00:20:27,899
All right, look, the point is we...
we hit their car.
504
00:20:27,968 --> 00:20:29,600
All right, and we
paid for the damage.
505
00:20:29,668 --> 00:20:30,901
That's all that really happened.
506
00:20:30,969 --> 00:20:34,986
No. She also dry-cleaned
my scarf against my will.
507
00:20:36,620 --> 00:20:38,154
Look.
508
00:20:38,222 --> 00:20:40,455
I have tickets to the
knick game this Saturday,
509
00:20:40,522 --> 00:20:43,122
and I really want
to go with Deacon.
510
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:44,522
Actually, Deacon
has the tickets.
511
00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:46,224
I just want to go.
512
00:20:46,291 --> 00:20:48,191
The point is, I... I
just want to be friends
513
00:20:48,259 --> 00:20:49,925
with them again, don't you?
514
00:20:49,993 --> 00:20:51,860
Yeah, I do. I just... I just...
515
00:20:51,927 --> 00:20:53,793
Can't get past this.
516
00:20:53,862 --> 00:20:56,462
I-I-it's like losing all
your money in Atlantic city.
517
00:20:56,529 --> 00:20:57,795
You know it's not their fault,
518
00:20:57,864 --> 00:20:59,730
but you still want to
burn the place down.
519
00:20:59,797 --> 00:21:02,164
Shh. We're not gonna
burn anybody down.
520
00:21:03,849 --> 00:21:05,149
Fine.
521
00:21:05,216 --> 00:21:07,016
I'll let it go.
522
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:09,200
Or not.
523
00:21:10,302 --> 00:21:12,201
Look what we have here.
524
00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:26,591
I'm glad this whole
accident thing
525
00:21:26,659 --> 00:21:27,958
is behind us!
526
00:21:28,026 --> 00:21:29,626
♪
527
00:21:29,693 --> 00:21:31,459
Love you guys!
528
00:21:31,844 --> 00:21:33,194
What?
529
00:21:34,178 --> 00:21:35,478
Nothin'!
530
00:21:41,781 --> 00:21:43,381
911 operator. What's
your emergency?
531
00:21:43,449 --> 00:21:45,282
My babysitter is sick.
532
00:21:45,349 --> 00:21:46,417
His face is big.
533
00:21:46,484 --> 00:21:47,817
He ate a peanut.
534
00:21:47,885 --> 00:21:49,734
Okay, honey. Is he breathing?
535
00:21:49,802 --> 00:21:51,402
He's scared of peanuts.
536
00:21:51,469 --> 00:21:52,652
I'm sorry.
537
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,220
Did you say, "he's
scared of peanuts"?
538
00:21:54,237 --> 00:21:55,703
I am not!
539
00:21:55,770 --> 00:21:57,270
Can you tell me your address?
540
00:21:57,338 --> 00:21:58,455
I'm almost six.
37214
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