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1
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CARRIE: Beautiful.
2
00:00:34,152 --> 00:00:35,185
Just beautiful, Doug.
3
00:00:35,187 --> 00:00:37,020
I hope you're happy
with yourself.
4
00:00:37,022 --> 00:00:38,154
Yeah, I'm living my dream.
5
00:00:38,156 --> 00:00:40,623
Will you just get me out of here?
I'm stuck!
6
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:42,025
And it hurts!
7
00:00:43,660 --> 00:00:45,795
So I'm a tight-ass, huh, Ray?
8
00:00:45,797 --> 00:00:47,230
I didn't say that.
9
00:00:47,232 --> 00:00:50,633
Okay, I said that, but...
10
00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:52,002
Why'd you tell her, huh?
11
00:00:52,004 --> 00:00:54,137
You broke the code!
12
00:00:54,139 --> 00:00:56,806
I was drowning! I was just
trying to reach for something.
13
00:00:56,808 --> 00:00:59,075
Don't blame it on him.
You're the one who said it.
14
00:00:59,077 --> 00:01:01,378
What the hell were you thinking,
trying to get up there?
15
00:01:01,380 --> 00:01:02,678
It was Ray's idea!
16
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,847
Stop it with "Ray"!
17
00:01:04,849 --> 00:01:07,450
I cannot believe you get your
friend stuck up in the attic,
18
00:01:07,452 --> 00:01:08,851
you insult me behind my back...
19
00:01:08,853 --> 00:01:10,487
No, I didn't mean
it as an insult.
20
00:01:10,489 --> 00:01:12,855
"Tight-ass" is not an insult?
How does that work, Ray?
21
00:01:12,857 --> 00:01:15,791
"Hey, swing by the house,
meet tight-ass and the kids."
22
00:01:15,793 --> 00:01:17,494
Look, it wasn't like that.
23
00:01:17,496 --> 00:01:20,696
It's just... We got back from
golf, and we were talking.
24
00:01:20,698 --> 00:01:24,167
Yeah, yeah! Mr. Wedge! Oh, yeah!
25
00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:27,970
Stop it, please. Stop kissing.
26
00:01:27,972 --> 00:01:29,339
You're making me nauseous.
27
00:01:29,341 --> 00:01:30,740
All right, how much I owe you?
28
00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:32,542
Uh, 18 bananas.
29
00:01:32,544 --> 00:01:33,776
How'd you get 18?
30
00:01:33,778 --> 00:01:37,847
Bet a dollar a hole.
You lost every hole.
31
00:01:37,849 --> 00:01:39,249
Huh.
32
00:01:40,817 --> 00:01:42,452
Hey, how about
double or nothing,
33
00:01:42,454 --> 00:01:44,354
Jets-Denver game Sunday?
34
00:01:44,356 --> 00:01:46,423
You give me the
Jets and 6 points?
35
00:01:46,425 --> 00:01:47,790
All right, you're on. You're on!
36
00:01:47,792 --> 00:01:50,160
All right, we're both on, then.
All right.
37
00:01:50,162 --> 00:01:52,862
You know what? Why don't
you come over here,
38
00:01:52,864 --> 00:01:54,264
watch the game on
the big screen?
39
00:01:54,266 --> 00:01:56,599
All right, yeah, but
you got to promise me,
40
00:01:56,601 --> 00:01:58,101
no humping the TV if you win.
41
00:01:58,103 --> 00:02:00,036
Mmm.
42
00:02:00,038 --> 00:02:02,272
I can't give you that.
I hump, win or lose.
43
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,341
Oh, wait a minute. I forgot.
44
00:02:05,343 --> 00:02:06,509
The game's not Sunday.
45
00:02:06,511 --> 00:02:08,111
It's a Saturday night
game this week.
46
00:02:08,113 --> 00:02:09,879
Oh, man, you're right.
47
00:02:09,881 --> 00:02:11,081
Yeah.
48
00:02:11,083 --> 00:02:14,317
Damn! I... I can't do it now.
49
00:02:14,319 --> 00:02:16,586
Saturday night's date
night with the wife.
50
00:02:16,588 --> 00:02:20,190
Yeah. We used to
have date night.
51
00:02:20,192 --> 00:02:21,458
Then we had kids.
52
00:02:21,460 --> 00:02:27,797
Now date night is when she
changes in front of me.
53
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,300
Yeah. I tell you,
Carrie's a maniac.
54
00:02:30,302 --> 00:02:31,901
I can't mess with it.
She'd be like,
55
00:02:31,903 --> 00:02:34,237
"What, you wanna watch the
freaking Jets on our date night?
56
00:02:34,239 --> 00:02:37,640
Ehhhh! I don't think so!"
57
00:02:37,642 --> 00:02:41,010
Hey, Debra can be a little bit
of a tight-ass, too, you know.
58
00:02:41,012 --> 00:02:42,979
Oh, man. Just how sad is that?
59
00:02:42,981 --> 00:02:44,581
Grown men who can't
watch the game.
60
00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:46,082
Not allowed.
61
00:02:46,084 --> 00:02:49,586
Not allowed!
62
00:02:49,588 --> 00:02:50,786
Hey, you know what we do?
63
00:02:50,788 --> 00:02:52,388
Why don't we get
together with the wives,
64
00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:54,890
and then you and I
can watch the game.
65
00:02:54,892 --> 00:02:57,327
Oh, yeah, yeah. Watch the game
with the women right there.
66
00:02:57,329 --> 00:02:59,996
I like that. Yeah.
67
00:02:59,998 --> 00:03:02,798
Then we'll get hookers too.
That'll be good.
68
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,502
No...
69
00:03:05,504 --> 00:03:06,836
I'm serious. We get together,
70
00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:09,038
we have dinner, and they
start talking girlie stuff,
71
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,273
and we're in.
72
00:03:10,275 --> 00:03:12,275
They don't care what we're
doing in the other room.
73
00:03:12,277 --> 00:03:14,177
I guess... I guess it would work.
Yeah!
74
00:03:14,179 --> 00:03:16,379
But what if they have nothing
to say to each other?
75
00:03:16,381 --> 00:03:18,181
Then... Then we jump-start them.
76
00:03:18,183 --> 00:03:19,682
What? Yeah.
77
00:03:19,684 --> 00:03:21,951
We jump-start the conversation,
you know, like, uh,
78
00:03:21,953 --> 00:03:23,853
"Honey, didn't you just
get your nails done
79
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,188
at a place around here?"
80
00:03:25,190 --> 00:03:26,456
And Carrie goes, "What place?"
81
00:03:26,458 --> 00:03:29,492
Boom! Yakkity yak!
We're at the game!
82
00:03:31,061 --> 00:03:33,062
You son of a gun. You're smart.
83
00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:36,266
You forgot good-looking.
84
00:03:36,268 --> 00:03:38,334
Now I'm nauseous.
85
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,640
DOUG: Oh, some more
cayenne pepper
86
00:03:43,642 --> 00:03:46,976
to turn it up a notch, and boom!
87
00:03:46,978 --> 00:03:49,312
Let's turn it up another notch.
And bam!
88
00:03:49,314 --> 00:03:51,981
Shimmy-sh-sham!
89
00:03:51,983 --> 00:03:54,484
Hey, honey, you wanna watch
me turn it up a notch? Huh?
90
00:03:54,486 --> 00:03:56,118
Come here. Boom!
91
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,854
Okay, simmer down, Heffernan.
92
00:03:58,856 --> 00:04:02,058
Uh, that's chef-fernan.
93
00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:04,661
You know what? That just gets
funnier with each barbecue.
94
00:04:06,096 --> 00:04:09,932
Hey, you wanna hand me the,
uh, westa-shire sauce?
95
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:11,568
What did you say?
96
00:04:11,570 --> 00:04:12,935
The, uh...
97
00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:16,339
wester... Chester sauce.
98
00:04:18,075 --> 00:04:20,042
That's not the way you say it.
99
00:04:20,044 --> 00:04:22,245
Well, how do you say it?
Well, I try not to,
100
00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:24,247
but if I have to, I
say it very quickly.
101
00:04:24,249 --> 00:04:25,815
"Pass me the
whoosershire sauce."
102
00:04:25,817 --> 00:04:27,717
You see?
103
00:04:27,719 --> 00:04:29,419
But when you
pronounce it slowly,
104
00:04:29,421 --> 00:04:32,455
it highlights your stupidity.
105
00:04:32,457 --> 00:04:35,191
Okay, well, how about we both
learn to say it the right way.
106
00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:36,192
All right. All right.
107
00:04:36,194 --> 00:04:38,294
It's worst... Wussher...
108
00:04:38,296 --> 00:04:40,463
Woarst... Wersh...
109
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,802
Whoosherchire... Westershire...
sire...
110
00:04:47,938 --> 00:04:50,840
Okay, that was fun.
This is brutal.
111
00:04:50,842 --> 00:04:52,342
It's gonna be fun
tonight, though, huh?
112
00:04:52,344 --> 00:04:55,010
Yes, it's gonna be fun hanging
out with a new couple.
113
00:04:55,012 --> 00:04:56,446
Is the wife nice?
114
00:04:56,448 --> 00:04:58,948
What, Debra? Oh, yeah. Very sweet.
You're gonna love her.
115
00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,816
She's not all
Long-islandy, is she?
116
00:05:00,818 --> 00:05:02,252
Oh, no, not at all.
117
00:05:02,254 --> 00:05:04,654
What does that mean anyway?
118
00:05:04,656 --> 00:05:07,523
You know, like that
woman from Great Neck.
119
00:05:07,525 --> 00:05:08,558
You remember?
120
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,593
I, like, barely
tapped her Jaguar
121
00:05:10,595 --> 00:05:11,861
in the Walbaum's parking lot.
122
00:05:11,863 --> 00:05:12,862
You remember her?
123
00:05:12,864 --> 00:05:13,929
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
124
00:05:13,931 --> 00:05:15,698
She was like, "You
know, darling,
125
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,833
"you're not the only car
in the parking lot.
126
00:05:17,835 --> 00:05:20,202
Maybe you should look
where you're going."
127
00:05:20,204 --> 00:05:21,904
Yeah, okay.
128
00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:26,342
Why don't you look where
my boot is going, lady?!
129
00:05:28,211 --> 00:05:30,946
What a freaking piece
of work she was, right?
130
00:05:32,883 --> 00:05:34,550
Yeah. Listen, Deb's
never met you,
131
00:05:34,552 --> 00:05:36,952
so tonight you might wanna just
tone it down a notch, huh?
132
00:05:36,954 --> 00:05:38,154
Boom!
133
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:40,790
What?
134
00:05:40,792 --> 00:05:42,091
You know what I'm talking about.
135
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:44,093
I don't want them to think
I married a bouncer,
136
00:05:44,095 --> 00:05:45,461
you know what I'm saying?
137
00:05:45,463 --> 00:05:47,664
All right, I think I
finally nailed the sauce.
138
00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:49,666
Can you hand me the platter?
Give me the platter.
139
00:05:49,668 --> 00:05:51,267
Come on. New platter, new
platter, new platter!
140
00:05:51,269 --> 00:05:53,869
Platter, platter, platter!
141
00:05:55,306 --> 00:05:58,140
"Tone it... down"?
142
00:05:58,142 --> 00:05:59,942
Oh, Lord.
143
00:06:01,144 --> 00:06:03,245
So what are you saying?
144
00:06:03,247 --> 00:06:04,947
I embarrass you?
145
00:06:04,949 --> 00:06:05,948
Embarrass me?
146
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:09,719
No, no! I'm not... No! No, no.
147
00:06:09,721 --> 00:06:12,655
Hey, did Pam have her baby yet?
148
00:06:12,657 --> 00:06:15,425
You don't like the way I act
in front of other people?
149
00:06:15,427 --> 00:06:16,459
Is that it? No!
150
00:06:16,461 --> 00:06:18,260
No, you're fine.
151
00:06:18,262 --> 00:06:20,530
What I meant was when
people who don't know you,
152
00:06:20,532 --> 00:06:22,532
know how great you are,
153
00:06:22,534 --> 00:06:26,936
sometimes have trouble
seeing past your...
154
00:06:26,938 --> 00:06:29,305
hard candy shell...
155
00:06:31,241 --> 00:06:33,976
to the delicious nut inside.
156
00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:40,583
You're a delicious nut, you are.
157
00:06:40,585 --> 00:06:41,617
Who?
158
00:06:41,619 --> 00:06:43,653
You. You really are.
You're a nut.
159
00:06:43,655 --> 00:06:44,787
No, no. Who...
160
00:06:44,789 --> 00:06:48,958
Who can't see past
my hard shell?
161
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,960
Look, nobody, honey.
Well, you just said it.
162
00:06:50,962 --> 00:06:52,595
Now, who? I don't know.
163
00:06:52,597 --> 00:06:54,597
I guess at our wedding, some
of my relatives just...
164
00:06:54,599 --> 00:06:56,298
Your relatives don't like me?
165
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,299
Distant relatives!
166
00:06:57,301 --> 00:06:58,735
I barely even know them.
167
00:06:58,737 --> 00:07:00,002
Barney something-or-other.
168
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:01,637
I don't know. The problem was,
169
00:07:01,639 --> 00:07:03,639
they never saw your inner nut.
170
00:07:03,641 --> 00:07:05,842
Okay, could you shut
up about the nut now?
171
00:07:05,844 --> 00:07:07,710
Do you know what
you're telling me?
172
00:07:07,712 --> 00:07:09,278
You don't like my personality.
173
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:10,980
You're being crazy.
174
00:07:10,982 --> 00:07:12,248
If you're so ashamed of me,
175
00:07:12,250 --> 00:07:13,949
why the hell did
you even marry me?
176
00:07:13,951 --> 00:07:15,217
You're hot.
177
00:07:18,422 --> 00:07:19,522
Echh.
178
00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:22,191
Carrie, it's a joke.
I'm kidding!
179
00:07:22,193 --> 00:07:23,259
I love you!
180
00:07:23,261 --> 00:07:24,927
You know what? Just go away.
181
00:07:24,929 --> 00:07:28,431
Come on! It's not you I'm
worried about, all right?
182
00:07:28,433 --> 00:07:29,432
It's Debra, all right?
183
00:07:29,434 --> 00:07:31,967
Ray says she's tough
to get along with.
184
00:07:31,969 --> 00:07:34,203
He called her a tight-ass.
That's a quote!
185
00:07:34,205 --> 00:07:35,505
Okay, would you
stop following me?
186
00:07:35,507 --> 00:07:37,707
Carrie, she's a tight-ass!
187
00:07:40,812 --> 00:07:43,413
Ohh! Come on. They're
here, all right?
188
00:07:43,415 --> 00:07:45,147
Listen, I love you. All right?
189
00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:46,949
Now, please, could we
just have a nice night?
190
00:07:48,553 --> 00:07:50,953
Okay, that's the door. I'm gonna
go get it right now, okay?
191
00:07:50,955 --> 00:07:52,154
All right? So we're good here?
192
00:07:52,156 --> 00:07:53,656
Okay?
193
00:07:57,928 --> 00:07:59,061
You're okay, then.
194
00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:00,663
Okay? Okay.
195
00:08:04,501 --> 00:08:06,903
This is good. This
is gonna be fun.
196
00:08:06,905 --> 00:08:09,071
She's gonna be fine.
She's gonna be fine.
197
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,944
You know, I made the
marinade myself.
198
00:08:40,946 --> 00:08:42,546
Did you? He did, yeah.
199
00:08:42,548 --> 00:08:44,015
I told you he does that.
200
00:08:46,718 --> 00:08:48,119
Don't ask me what's
in it, though,
201
00:08:48,121 --> 00:08:49,353
because it's a Heffernan secret.
202
00:08:49,355 --> 00:08:50,854
Ooh! Yeah.
203
00:08:50,856 --> 00:08:54,525
Carrie doesn't even
know, right, hon?
204
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:59,397
Nobody knows. Keeping
it on the Q.T.
205
00:08:59,399 --> 00:09:01,965
Mum's the word.
206
00:09:01,967 --> 00:09:04,068
Nobody.
207
00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:06,370
Yeah.
208
00:09:07,605 --> 00:09:09,473
Well, whatever's in it, it sure...
it's yummy.
209
00:09:09,475 --> 00:09:11,242
It's very yummy, yes.
210
00:09:12,477 --> 00:09:15,046
Uh, Debra, could you
please pass me a napkin?
211
00:09:15,048 --> 00:09:16,280
Sure.
212
00:09:16,282 --> 00:09:17,314
Thank you.
213
00:09:17,316 --> 00:09:18,549
How did I say that?
214
00:09:18,551 --> 00:09:20,518
Was that the right tone?
215
00:09:22,487 --> 00:09:24,621
That was fine.
216
00:09:24,623 --> 00:09:26,857
Because I could tone it down.
217
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:28,792
That was fine.
218
00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:34,831
You know what's
funny about corn?
219
00:09:34,833 --> 00:09:36,833
I mean, corn itself is good,
220
00:09:36,835 --> 00:09:39,002
but corn on the cob,
221
00:09:39,004 --> 00:09:41,605
it just reaches a
whole other level.
222
00:09:41,607 --> 00:09:44,408
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely.
223
00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:47,178
It does, right? Yeah.
224
00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:51,482
Well, people like to eat
their corn north to south.
225
00:09:51,484 --> 00:09:54,785
Tonight I went east to west.
I like to go east to west.
226
00:09:54,787 --> 00:09:55,986
You know, like a
little typewriter.
227
00:09:55,988 --> 00:09:57,821
Yum yum yum yum yum...
228
00:09:57,823 --> 00:09:59,256
yum yum yum...
229
00:09:59,258 --> 00:10:02,025
yum yum yum... ding!
230
00:10:05,263 --> 00:10:08,865
You know what? I'm gonna
start the coffee.
231
00:10:08,867 --> 00:10:10,901
Oh, may I be excused?
232
00:10:12,704 --> 00:10:13,770
Yes.
233
00:10:13,772 --> 00:10:14,871
Thanks.
234
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,774
You know, you don't have to ask.
235
00:10:19,844 --> 00:10:21,979
I think I'm gonna get
in there and help her.
236
00:10:21,981 --> 00:10:25,449
Oh, Ray, tell Doug what's
funny about lettuce.
237
00:10:29,954 --> 00:10:31,355
What's going on?
238
00:10:31,357 --> 00:10:35,159
Oh, man. We had a fight.
She wants me dead.
239
00:10:35,161 --> 00:10:37,861
Oh, man. Sorry. That's rough.
240
00:10:37,863 --> 00:10:41,532
Can I flip on the game?
241
00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:43,467
Not yet.
242
00:10:43,469 --> 00:10:44,668
So you okay?
243
00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:46,203
Yeah, I'm fine.
244
00:10:46,205 --> 00:10:47,371
You seemed a little upset
245
00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:50,574
when you jabbed him
with the butter knife.
246
00:10:50,576 --> 00:10:53,410
It's just that Doug said
something really stupid
247
00:10:53,412 --> 00:10:54,645
before you guys got here.
248
00:10:54,647 --> 00:10:56,147
Just hurt my feelings
a little bit.
249
00:10:56,149 --> 00:10:57,181
Oh, yeah, sorry.
250
00:10:57,183 --> 00:10:58,516
Thanks. Yeah.
251
00:10:58,518 --> 00:10:59,916
I've always thought
that they should make
252
00:10:59,918 --> 00:11:01,352
a device to put on husbands
253
00:11:01,354 --> 00:11:04,155
that gives them a little shock
when they say something stupid.
254
00:11:04,157 --> 00:11:06,157
Yes, like, like a dog collar.
255
00:11:06,159 --> 00:11:07,491
Exactly.
256
00:11:07,493 --> 00:11:08,759
Then it would be like,
257
00:11:08,761 --> 00:11:10,594
"Hey, honey, did you gain
a little weight?" Zzzt!
258
00:11:10,596 --> 00:11:11,629
Yes! Right?
259
00:11:11,631 --> 00:11:13,464
I mean, not enough
juice to kill them,
260
00:11:13,466 --> 00:11:15,666
but just enough to make them
like bite down really hard
261
00:11:15,668 --> 00:11:17,535
on their tongue.
262
00:11:17,537 --> 00:11:19,136
And they would have a
little remote control
263
00:11:19,138 --> 00:11:20,737
that you can keep
on your key chain.
264
00:11:20,739 --> 00:11:21,838
Yeah, a silver key chain.
265
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,073
With initials.
266
00:11:23,075 --> 00:11:24,808
Exactly! Ha ha ha!
267
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:27,144
Hey, hey, hey! They're laughing.
268
00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:29,480
That's good. Laughter good.
Yeah.
269
00:11:29,482 --> 00:11:31,782
Come on. Let's turn
the game on now.
270
00:11:31,784 --> 00:11:34,151
Nnnnn. Not yet. I
think it's too soon.
271
00:11:34,153 --> 00:11:36,353
Come on! It's a big game!
272
00:11:36,355 --> 00:11:38,556
And it's happening
right now in there.
273
00:11:38,558 --> 00:11:40,624
Let it out.
274
00:11:40,626 --> 00:11:42,092
I want to. I just...
275
00:11:42,094 --> 00:11:44,495
I wish I knew she wasn't
so mad at me, you know?
276
00:11:44,497 --> 00:11:45,829
Go in. Check it out.
277
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:46,963
Go.
278
00:11:46,965 --> 00:11:49,533
I don't think so. I
think it's too soon.
279
00:11:52,438 --> 00:11:56,773
Are you kidding? It's like
Def Comedy Jam in there.
280
00:11:56,775 --> 00:11:58,175
You know what?
I'll test her out.
281
00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,578
I'll grab a beer and give
her a kiss on the cheek.
282
00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:01,478
Okay.
283
00:12:06,618 --> 00:12:08,352
Okay, a little premature.
284
00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:09,420
No!
285
00:12:09,422 --> 00:12:10,787
Aw, come on!
286
00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:12,523
The first quarter's
practically over already!
287
00:12:12,525 --> 00:12:14,124
Will you turn it on, please?
288
00:12:14,126 --> 00:12:15,426
Look, I can't. Listen, come on.
289
00:12:15,428 --> 00:12:17,661
I'm supposed to be sad and
sorry about what I did.
290
00:12:17,663 --> 00:12:18,696
All that stuff.
291
00:12:18,698 --> 00:12:19,796
Well, give me something.
292
00:12:19,798 --> 00:12:20,864
How about...
293
00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:22,233
Hey, let's go picture, no sound.
294
00:12:22,235 --> 00:12:23,601
You can give me
picture, no sound.
295
00:12:24,936 --> 00:12:25,936
All right.
296
00:12:25,938 --> 00:12:27,504
Hah hah!
297
00:12:29,507 --> 00:12:31,342
GAME COMMENTATOR: And
the Jets are ahea...
298
00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:33,277
Hey! Sorry. Sorry.
299
00:12:33,279 --> 00:12:35,045
Hey, what's with
the picture, man?
300
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:36,413
RAY: It's all staticky.
301
00:12:36,415 --> 00:12:38,482
Oh, man. This
happened once before.
302
00:12:38,484 --> 00:12:40,417
So what did he say anyway?
303
00:12:40,419 --> 00:12:43,621
He told me to tone myself down.
304
00:12:44,857 --> 00:12:49,059
Oh, maybe the collar
should kill them.
305
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:50,093
I know!
306
00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:51,962
And then he just kept going
307
00:12:51,964 --> 00:12:53,731
and digging himself deeper,
308
00:12:53,733 --> 00:12:55,432
saying he didn't mean it,
309
00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:56,967
trying to blame it on Ray.
310
00:12:56,969 --> 00:12:59,970
"Oh, honey, uh, it's not you.
It's Debra.
311
00:12:59,972 --> 00:13:02,172
Ray says she's a
real tight-ass."
312
00:13:02,174 --> 00:13:04,040
And then he starts in with,
313
00:13:04,042 --> 00:13:07,244
"You know, it's just your
hard shell, you know?
314
00:13:07,246 --> 00:13:09,045
And inside is a delicious nut."
315
00:13:09,047 --> 00:13:10,314
You know? It was just so...
316
00:13:11,849 --> 00:13:13,550
Are you okay?
317
00:13:17,389 --> 00:13:18,756
What's up there?
318
00:13:18,758 --> 00:13:21,057
The main cable connection
comes in through the attic.
319
00:13:21,059 --> 00:13:23,327
I just got to get up there
and jiggle the wires,
320
00:13:23,329 --> 00:13:24,762
and the picture'll be fine.
321
00:13:24,764 --> 00:13:27,298
Well, jiggle it because
it's almost halftime.
322
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,333
I just got to shimmy up
through the trapdoor.
323
00:13:29,335 --> 00:13:31,902
You got a ladder or something?
324
00:13:31,904 --> 00:13:34,237
No. It's fine. Just
give me a boost.
325
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,808
What, no ladder?
326
00:13:37,810 --> 00:13:39,976
You wanna watch the game?
327
00:13:39,978 --> 00:13:41,178
Come on. Give me 10 fingers.
328
00:13:41,180 --> 00:13:42,446
All right, all right. Come on.
329
00:13:42,448 --> 00:13:44,448
Come on.
330
00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:45,616
Come on. I'm almost there.
331
00:13:45,618 --> 00:13:46,817
Hurry.
332
00:13:46,819 --> 00:13:48,619
I can't. Give me just
a couple more inches.
333
00:13:48,621 --> 00:13:49,886
I can't reach it. I can't...
334
00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:50,887
Come on! Ohhhh!
335
00:13:50,889 --> 00:13:53,256
Oh, God! Oh, Ray!
336
00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:56,893
Ray! Ray, I'm stuck!
337
00:13:56,895 --> 00:13:57,994
DOUG: Ray!
338
00:13:59,431 --> 00:14:01,498
Tight-ass?
339
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,733
Uh-oh.
340
00:14:02,735 --> 00:14:03,600
Ohhh!
341
00:14:05,002 --> 00:14:05,902
Doug?
342
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,295
How's your back?
343
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:25,630
It still hurts. Good.
344
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:32,437
Is there anyone down there who
can scratch my inner thigh?
345
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,275
CARRIE: Doug, Richie's here.
346
00:14:36,277 --> 00:14:37,876
Hey, moose, it's me, Richie.
347
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,645
Really? Is that what she meant
when she said, "Richie's here"?
348
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:41,646
Get me down!
349
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,581
Whoa. Somebody's cranky.
350
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,617
Hey, Santa Claus, you missed!
351
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:52,357
Uh, Shecky, you wanna get
him down now, please?
352
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,426
All right. Let me
check this out.
353
00:14:54,428 --> 00:14:55,660
Ohhh...
354
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,196
You guys all right?
355
00:14:57,198 --> 00:14:58,931
Well, he's got a pinched nerve,
356
00:14:58,933 --> 00:15:03,568
and apparently, I
have a tight ass.
357
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,404
You don't say that to a fireman.
358
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,109
What the hell's going
on down there?!
359
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,378
All right, moose, relax.
We got you covered.
360
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,413
Hey, Chenz, go get
me a big stick.
361
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,583
If we whack him, maybe
candy will come out!
362
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,294
RICHIE: Okay, 1, 2, 3, push!
363
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,496
DOUG: Easy! Easy!
You're taking skin!
364
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,198
Keep pushing!
365
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,666
DOUG: Stop pushing!
366
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:41,139
DOUG: Hey, is it bad
that I'm dizzy?
367
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,342
No, no, it's normal.
368
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:46,778
It's not normal. We better
get him out of there.
369
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,748
I can hear you!
370
00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:52,251
Well, could you hurry
up and get him down?
371
00:15:52,253 --> 00:15:54,853
Carrie, can I use your phone?
I need to check on the kids.
372
00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:56,088
Yeah. It's right there.
373
00:15:56,090 --> 00:15:58,423
You know what? With all this,
I'm gonna go downstairs.
374
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,392
Hey, wait. I'll go with you.
375
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,994
We'll do it together.
Just me and you.
376
00:16:01,996 --> 00:16:04,462
Oh, now, that's uncalled for.
377
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,866
All right, we're
gonna have to cut.
378
00:16:07,868 --> 00:16:09,167
DOUG: What?
379
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,369
What do you have to cut?
380
00:16:10,371 --> 00:16:11,370
His legs.
381
00:16:11,372 --> 00:16:13,105
Right about here ought to do it.
382
00:16:13,107 --> 00:16:15,507
Ohh! Nice try, moose!
383
00:16:15,509 --> 00:16:17,376
Okay, Doug, could you
stop it, please?
384
00:16:17,378 --> 00:16:19,044
You wanna be up there all night?
385
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:20,578
So what do you have to cut?
386
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,381
Couple ceiling beams
ought to do it.
387
00:16:22,383 --> 00:16:24,716
Yo, Eric, go radio in. Tell
them we need the buzzer.
388
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:25,717
Got it.
389
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:26,818
DOUG: The buzzer?
390
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,620
What's the buzzer? DOUG:
What's the buzzer?
391
00:16:28,622 --> 00:16:30,022
Don't worry, moose.
392
00:16:30,024 --> 00:16:31,723
It's a saw. We won't hurt you.
393
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:33,458
Okay. I'm not worried about him.
394
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,692
I'm worried about my closet.
395
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,595
Is there any other way?
396
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,197
Well, you could just
leave him up there
397
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,266
and not feed him for
a couple of days.
398
00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:45,037
Okay! He's not that funny!
399
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,916
You don't like my house, Mick?
400
00:16:57,918 --> 00:16:59,918
My house stinks?
401
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,586
Yeah, that's right, it stinks!
402
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:02,988
My whole life stinks!
403
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,359
You just need proper management.
404
00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,361
Kid, you need proper management!
405
00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:11,763
You're gonna eat lightning
and gonna crap thunder!
406
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,533
Crap thunder, but I ain't
got no locker, do I, Mick?
407
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,369
I ain't got no locker, huh?
408
00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:18,870
Hey.
409
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,638
Hi.
410
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,341
What are you doing up here?
411
00:17:22,343 --> 00:17:24,676
Well, it's gonna be at
least another hour.
412
00:17:24,678 --> 00:17:26,811
Thought you might
be getting hungry,
413
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,014
and I also think you
have a right to know
414
00:17:29,016 --> 00:17:31,316
that Richie's getting ready
to paint your toenails.
415
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,317
He is?
416
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,653
RICHIE: Oww!
417
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:40,158
Well, if I ever need asbestos,
I know where to go.
418
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,160
Here.
419
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,296
Thanks.
420
00:17:44,298 --> 00:17:46,031
What, no juice box?
421
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,167
Excuse me,
422
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,669
I had to climb up the freaking
trellis to bring you this.
423
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,605
I needed one free hand.
424
00:17:53,607 --> 00:17:56,008
You never heard of a backpack?
425
00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:57,642
I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
It's a joke!
426
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:58,877
What, you still mad at me?
427
00:17:58,879 --> 00:18:00,445
Yes! I...
428
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,080
What? Come on.
Let's talk it out.
429
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,115
Um...
430
00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:04,849
What?
431
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,051
Doug?
432
00:18:06,053 --> 00:18:07,886
Yeah?
433
00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:12,790
How do you feel in
general about mice...
434
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,959
or maybe a rat?
435
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,295
Not a fan. Why? Behind me?
436
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,296
Doug...
437
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,631
Is there a rat behind me?
438
00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:20,832
Okay, would you just relax?
439
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:21,933
I can't relax, all right?
440
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,635
Right now I'm about
18 inches tall,
441
00:18:23,637 --> 00:18:25,037
and I smell like barbecue!
442
00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:27,406
Okay, Doug, don't panic!
443
00:18:27,408 --> 00:18:30,842
He's not even paying
attention to...
444
00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:32,511
Is he coming towards me?
445
00:18:32,513 --> 00:18:34,413
Well, he's closer than he was.
446
00:18:34,415 --> 00:18:37,015
For the sweet love of God, kill it!
Use your shoe!
447
00:18:37,017 --> 00:18:38,550
I can't kill it!
448
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:39,551
Ooh.
449
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:40,885
There.
450
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,221
Look. It worked. He's eating it.
451
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,256
Good.
452
00:18:44,258 --> 00:18:45,457
Good.
453
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:58,236
You think he's gonna finish it?
454
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,009
Hey, Doug.
455
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,010
Yeah.
456
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,312
Listen, we got to go.
457
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,780
The baby-sitter's waiting.
458
00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:10,982
Oh, all right. Hey,
thanks for coming.
459
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,551
Yeah, thanks, you guys.
460
00:19:12,553 --> 00:19:13,952
Yeah, hey, thanks for having us.
461
00:19:13,954 --> 00:19:15,720
It was so nice
meeting you, Carrie.
462
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,189
It was nice meeting you.
463
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:18,723
Hey, let's have lunch.
464
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,024
Oh, absolutely. I'll call you.
465
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,059
Bye, Doug.
466
00:19:21,061 --> 00:19:23,061
Bye, Deb. Hey, see you, Ray.
467
00:19:23,063 --> 00:19:24,229
Thanks again for coming.
468
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,697
All right, man. Hey, thank you.
469
00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:27,031
Thank you. It was fun.
470
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,266
Really fun.
471
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:31,069
What are you, an 11?
472
00:19:31,071 --> 00:19:33,171
Because I'm an 11. All right, Ray.
Let's...
473
00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:47,352
I don't know. Sanford and Son?
474
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,588
No. What's Happening!
475
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:52,324
Oh.
476
00:19:52,326 --> 00:19:54,226
How does Sanford and Son go?
477
00:19:54,228 --> 00:19:55,227
Duh.
478
00:19:58,832 --> 00:20:00,031
Right, right. ♪ Nana Nana
479
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,633
All right. ♪ Wada Dada Dada da
480
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:02,800
All right!
481
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:06,138
Can we stop playing this now?
482
00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:07,405
All right, fine,
but you're forfeit
483
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:08,873
and you owe me $10 bucks.
484
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,942
It's so worth it.
485
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,147
Hey, Richie, that's
not even funny!
486
00:20:15,149 --> 00:20:16,681
Get that out of there!
487
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,784
RICHIE: Sorry, moose.
Couldn't resist.
488
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,119
Good news. The saw's here.
489
00:20:21,121 --> 00:20:22,920
We'll have you out in 2 minutes.
490
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,789
All right. Be careful!
491
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,024
I better get down there,
492
00:20:26,026 --> 00:20:29,427
make sure he doesn't cut
off anything I need.
493
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,363
Good idea.
494
00:20:31,365 --> 00:20:32,597
Oh, and, Carrie?
495
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:33,731
Yeah?
496
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,234
Look, I... I'm really...
497
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,970
I'm really sorry about
what I said, okay?
498
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:40,205
I know.
499
00:20:40,207 --> 00:20:43,642
I'm not embarrassed
by you, not at all.
500
00:20:43,644 --> 00:20:45,177
That's very nice,
coming from a man
501
00:20:45,179 --> 00:20:47,912
who's wearing his
house as a belt.
502
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,053
I love you.
503
00:20:55,055 --> 00:20:56,388
I love you too.
504
00:20:56,390 --> 00:20:58,390
Come here. Pour some
sugar on me, huh?
505
00:21:21,355 --> 00:21:22,923
Easy!
506
00:21:22,925 --> 00:21:24,858
That's raw. That's raw.
507
00:21:24,860 --> 00:21:27,160
Pain! Pain!
508
00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:29,095
Sorry, honey.
509
00:21:29,097 --> 00:21:30,897
First of all, you shouldn't
be using the ointment.
510
00:21:30,899 --> 00:21:32,365
Get the spray.
511
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,069
Kind of look like Saturn.
512
00:21:40,741 --> 00:21:42,542
That's the one with the
ring around it, right?
513
00:21:42,544 --> 00:21:44,344
Yeah, all right. Would you
get the spray, please?
514
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:45,545
CARRIE: Have it?
515
00:21:53,454 --> 00:21:56,623
Aaahhh!
35270
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