All language subtitles for Not Dead Yet s02e03 Not in the Cards Yet.eng

♪

Nell:
"Estelle Dubroff,

a devoted mother
and grandmother,

is survived by--"
I still can't believe this--

16 children
and 49 grandchildren."

How do you remember
all their names?

Patience, love...

Oh.
...and name tags.

Lots of name tags.

Are you thinking
of having children?

Ah, well, I--
Don't get me wrong. I love kids.

I guess I'm just
in a place in my life

right now where
it feels like children

might not be in the cards
for me, you know?

I know. I know. I sh--

Don't let it happen!

I'm sorry. Come again?

Save your vagina!

My vagina?! Oh...

I-- [ Scoffs ]

Talking to my doctor.
Yeah. [ Chuckles ]

Wow. I was not
expecting that.

16 kids.

That's 16 trips
down one canal.

Ohh.
Do you know what that does to your body?

For the first--
No, trust me. I have a great imagination.

But you love them, right?

Ahh. Of course.

Do you know who else I love?
My nieces and nephews.

Do yourself a favor.
Be an aunt.

You get all the fun stuff
and none of the hard stuff.

So... you gonna
send me off now or...?

Yeah. Sounds like you could
use a little "me time."

Oh, yeah.

[ Keyboard clacks ]
[ Message whooshes ]

Ooh.

♪

Attention hirelings!

Please give a warm welcome
to the tallest

and most powerful presence
in any space--

my father, your work father,
Duncan Rhodes!

[ Applause ]
Hello, hello, my essential workers.

I have
some very exciting news

about me.

It turns out that

I will be awarded

the Spirit in Journalism

Lifetime Achievement Award.

Yes!
He shoots, he Duncans!

[ Chuckles ]
Uh, sports!

So it just goes to show

that if you work hard

and have a lot of money

and sabotage your rivals,

one day,
your entire lifetime

could be an achievement

deserving of an award.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Oh, hold on.
It seems Father may not be

the only one garnering
some recognition.

Everyone,
check your e-mails.

[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Gasps ] Oh, my God!

I've been nominated
for an award!

[ Cellphone chimes ]
What?

I was nominated, too!

I didn't get an e-mail.

It's, like, not even in my
spam folder or anything.

Maybe I need to stand
closer to the router.

So if you need me,

I'll be looking into

how to parlay this success

into a run for public office,

because remember--
sky's the limit when you're me.

[ Applause ]
Okay. Thank you.

This is so stressful.
Keith is out of town,

and his mom can only handle
one baby at a time,

so I need to
find a sitter.

Ugh! Tell me about it.
Ben is also out of town,

so we need to
find a sitter.

No! Don't-- No, no!
Yes, yes!

Don't-- Mnh! I never
should have shared

my sitter information
with you.

[ Messages whoosh ]

[ Message bloops ]
Yes!

Aah!
Ha ha ha!

Ashley comes through
for the Den-Bens.

Aw.
Don't make that face.

Your sacrifice
will not be forgotten.

Hey. If you need somebody
to watch the kids,

Fun Aunt Nell's got
a lot of fun to give.

Ooh! Yes! yes!
I love this! Ha! Yes.

Okay, so, I will leave
the baby with Keith's mom.

And Tilly has been feeling
jealous about her baby brother,

so she could use some one-on-one
time with her favorite auntie.

Perfect!
Awesome!

Yeah, Till's
my best bestie.

She really gets me, you know?
Plus, I've been itching

for an excuse to wear
that princess dress again.

Mm!
Because I'm not just a godmother.

[ As Vito Corleone ]
I'm her fairy godmother.

I'm gonna make her an offer
she can't refuse-a.

Something tells me you've
never seen "The Godfather."

[ Normal voice ] Really? I--
How do you figure?

What do you think, Arthur?
You like my fort?

[ Dog whimpers ]
Top-notch, huh?

[ Gasps ] A bra?

What's all this?
I'm building a princess fort.

Tilly's coming over.
What's all this?

Belongs to my lady friend.
Would've been nice to get

a heads-up that a child
was coming over.

Would've been nice
to get a heads-up

that you're hooking up
on our communal couch.

Disgusting.
I don't love it.

Who is this person, anyway?

Can't tell you.
Signed an NDA.

[ Gasps ] They're
definitely famous. Come on.

Is it Selena Gomez?
Judy Blume?

[ Gasps, purrs ]
Martha Stewart?

Are you her new Snoop?

I appreciate
you understanding

that I could woo this caliber
of woman, Nell,

however I can't confirm
nor can I deny

any of your assumptions.

Fine. Why do you even care
that a kid's coming over?

I thought you were going
out tonight with... Charlize?

Nice try.
My lover's busy,

which means I will be playing
"Star Rim" all night,

which also means I will be
commandeering your fort.

Don't worry.
Tilly and I will stay out

of your gross,
sex-swept hair.

I have lots of fun
activities planned

because I am Fun Aunt Nell,
DJ Airhorn.

[ Imitates
Rasta airhorn ]

[ Knock on door ]
Ooh!

[ Gasps ]
Hey, bestie!

Hi, bestie.

♪

[ Dog barks ]
Arthur!

Thank you again for watching her
on such short notice.

Don't thank me. Thank the Spirit
in Journalism Committee

for failing to
recognize my work.

Now, you take that shimmer eye
and that sweet peach for a spin.

This one?
[ Gasps ]

Eeow!

Tilly!

Alright, Princess Tillifer
of the House of Tilly.

Shall we stroll
the village

and grace the commoners
with your presence?

Sorry, Aunt Nell.
I'm not really into

this princess stuff
anymore.

I think I just want to
read on the couch.

Oh, okay, yeah.
Reading is great, you know?

I'm into it.
Let's get lit... erature.

Heh. I'm gonna go change
real quick, you know?

This dress doesn't
let me breathe.

Isn't this wonderful?

We're finally getting
the recognition we deserve,

like Jennifer Coolidge
or Brussels sprouts.

Do I have a back crease?

It's corduroy.
It's one giant crease.

Look at me, though.

I'm out in the world,
I am enjoying myself,

I'm on my second martini,
and I am feeling--

Oh, God. No, I'm actually
feeling quite nauseous.

I should slow down, hey?

Yeah, maybe slow down
a little. Yeah.

Well, I am so proud
of both of you.

And no matter
what happens here tonight,

the fact that
you were both nom--

Clap!

[ Applause ]

Oh. Who's this hottie?
[ Camera shutters clicking ]

Hello, Father!
Yes, it's to scale!

I wish I was that thin.
Isn't this exciting?

Your first
Lifetime Achievement Award,

and you're 15 years younger
than when Rupert got his.

You always think
it's gonna be amazing

when you make
your first $10 million

or you buy
your second island.

But I have to tell you--
it pales in comparison

to being recognized
with a sit-down dinner.

Now I know what Gandhi
must have felt like

if Gandhi had
a full head of hair.

Ha!

I'm better Gandhi.

Yes, you are, Father!

Clap for better Gandhi!

[ Applause ]

Okay, bestie,
so I didn't find any books,

but I did find a Glamour mag
that is three years old,

but I think it should
probably hold up, but, um--

Uh, Tilly,
is this boring man

forcing you to play
some dumb game?

She wanted to play.
What?

And she's been
surprisingly helpful.

She found a break in
the space-time continuum.

I play "Star Rim" with my dad
when he's home,

so I know
all the shortcuts.

But, um, wouldn't you rather
do some TikTok dances?

We can even do a lift
this time.

I went on a date
with a chiropractor.

He taught me
how to engage my core

so I won't hurt
my back again.

But we're almost
at the outer cosmos!

Oh, cool. Cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool. Yeah.

Fun Aunt Nell
knows how to pivot. Heh.

Here we go!

[ Adventurous music playing ]

[ Clears throat ]

So is that an alien
or just a--

Shh!
Shh!

♪

[ Crunching ]

How long is this game?
How big is the universe?

Ohh! She's about to land our pod
on the landing dock!

Yes!

Good game.
Good game.

Oh, that's, um-- that's
our secret handshake.

But, I mean,
it's not a secret anymore,

'cause you guys just did it.
Anyway, it's fine.

Um, so, do you want to revisit
those TikTok dances?

I just learned a BTS dance.
Girl! Unh!

That's kinda cringe,
Aunt Nell.

Yeah, I feel the same way. I was
just saying it ironically.

Anything else
you want to do, Tills?

Well, I have been wanting
to open up a restaurant.

Ooh! "Top Chef" Tilly
in the house.

Can I get a table
for... one, please?

Edward?

I could eat.

Right this way.

[ Sighs ]

I'll be back
to take your order.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, I don't know
what kind of wizardry

you're doing on the little kid,
but, um...

Tilly was always
all about me,

and I don't know why she
suddenly is into you more.

Kids can be weird.

Maybe one day, your kids
will like you more.

Yeah, I mean,
if I even have any.

I assumed as much.

You assumed?
You assumed?

I am so sorry.
Why would you assume that?

Well, for starters,
your living situation

and your job situation.

Also, you have a lack of urgency
to find a mate.

Because I'm not desperate.

If it happens, it happens.

Oof. That's kind of a flawed way
of looking at things

considering, at your age,
pregnancy is labeled geriatric

and your odds
of conceiving

dwindling by
the menstrual cycle.

At this rate, your fertility
window isn't really closing.

It's... kind of
painted shut.

Welcome to Chez Tilly.

May I start you off
with some water?

Sparkling or flat?

Tap. She's trying
to upsell us already.

Can I be seated
at another table, please?

Sorry. We're fully
accommodated tonight.

Crawfish at this time
of the year?

Color me skeptical...
but I'll try it.

♪

I cannot believe my lifetime
is being awarded!

Congratulations
on sitting next to me.

You must've done
something right.

Thank you, Mr. Rhodes,
I really needed to hear that

because I'm actually thinking of
what I might say in case I win.

Something like,
"It's a honor."

An-- An honor?

Uh, on her?

Oh, no,
I said it so many times,

now it doesn't make sense
in my mouth.

Oh, you're a nervous
little fella, aren't ya?

Hey, Duncan's portion

seems a little bit bigger
than the rest of ours.

I mean, I could eat this steak
in, like, two bites.

Oh. It makes
total sense, Sam.

He got the ribeye.
You got the mini-mignon.

Huh.

Also, I don't recognize anyone
else nominated in my category.

I mean, except for maybe
that guy over there,

who I'm pretty sure
is from a GEICO commercial.

Oh, yes.
What a shame.

So many journalists have to
take on commercial work

in order to
make ends meet.

It's really the sad state
of journalism.

Uh-huh.

[ Clears throat ]
Gentle reminder, Ms. Rhodes.

Um, you only booked
the space until 9:00 p.m. Yes.

And we have an AA meeting
coming in next,

so we're gonna
need time to break down.

I'm aware of the schedule.
Yes.

Okay. We will be gone in time,
you jackal!

Get out of here.

How much of that
did you hear?

How much do you think?

So all of it.
Mm-hmm.

We'll be right back,
Father.

Boy!
[ Fingers snap ]

Get another picture
of my father eating.

Ah!

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

Okay, fine.
It's all fake.

The awards aren't real.
I just paid for it all--

the space, the dinner,
the other nominees.

I mean, the emcee is my mechanic
who owed me a favor.

Why would you do this?
Because I wanted my dad

to see how well the paper
was being run under my charge.

And to give my friends
a night to remember.

And the winner of Metro Editor
of the Year--

Dennis Simbeaux-Jones.

Ohh! It's happening!
I'm happening!

This is the greatest night
of my life.

[ Applause ]

♪

What? Have you
talked to him recently?

He really needs this.

Alexis...

♪

[ Rapid scraping ]

Nell, could you stop--
stop-- stop with the noise?

Hmm?
Please? You don't even need a knife for that salmon.

It's smooth as butter.

Uh, can you not tell me
how to eat my food?

And if you must know,
I was actually using the knife

on the cauliflower,
which is a bit undercooked.

Is everyone
enjoying their meal?

Oh, yes.
The food is so yummy.

Okay.
Where do I begin?

At this price point,
the branzino,

it shouldn't
have bones!

I'm so sorry, sir.

Also,
I ordered linguini.

And here.
Take a look.

You see that?
It sticks.

When it sticks to the wall,
it means it's overcooked.

I am so sorry, sir.

I'll take this right back
and speak to Chef.

Thank you.

Can I try
some of your squash?

Wha--
Do you ever stop to think

about what you're gonna say
before you say it?

And how maybe what you say
might hurt people?

Critiques are necessary
if she wants to run

a successful restaurant
in this economy.

That isn't n--

Your soufflé, sir.
On the house.

Now we're talkin'.
Thank you.

Looks moist, fluffy.

You know the secret to
a stable soufflé? Older eggs.

Ungh! That's so interesting.
It's so interesting.

What you're saying to me
is that you like older eggs

in your dessert
but not in your human women!

Did I get that right?!

I'll... go get
your check.

I'm starting to think
this isn't about the soufflé.

Ya think?

Thank you for this
incredible... hon-or.

[ Applause ]

Sam, you can't
leave now.

They haven't announced
your award yet.

What award?
None of this is real.

I actually have a lot going on
at home right now, okay?

I really don't need this.
I know, and I'm sorry.

I thought if I dedicated
an entire night

to my father
winning an award,

then, finally, he would say
"thank you" to me.

And the winner for
Best Style Editor goes to...

Sam Holkar.

[ Applause ]

Okay, fine.

But now you owe me
lots and lots of...

something I haven't
thought of yet.

Thank you.
But keep your speech short.

The AA people
are eyeing the bar,

and I would hate to be
the cause of another relapse.

Thank you.

I don't know why you're so
upset. I'm just stating facts.

Well, your facts
are rude!

Fact-- facts can't be rude.
Facts can only be facts.

Rude is your interpretation
of the facts,

which, again,
they're just facts.

No. Rude is
your dumb mouth

which spouts
your dumb facts!

Now, that's actually rude.
What do you want me to do?

Do you want me to lie to you
and say that you have billions

and billions
and billions of eggs

and you could have a baby
until you're 90 or something?

[ Grunts ]

Unh!

Nell!

That's a '97 Syrah,

and you just two-buck-chucked
it at me!

Well, you're lucky it's not
the fork, which is real!

Stop it! Why is everybody
always fighting?!

Can't we just have
one nice dinner?!

Ohh.
It'd be nice if we could taste

a little of that passion
in the food.

Mnh! Ugh!

Hey, Tilly, sweetie.
You alright?

Are you upset?

[ Sighs ]
Was it Edward?

Was it me?

Mm-hmm.

Is it
your baby brother?

He sucks, but no.

Okay, well, if you want to
talk about it, I'm here.

Or we don't have to talk about
it if you don't want to.

I could just sit here
with you.

Whenever Daddy's home,
Mommy and Daddy fight--

like how you guys
were fighting.

Mommy pretends
everything is okay,

but I know it's not.

Oh, sweetie. Wow.

I'm so sorry.

I mean, is that why you
wanted to play "Star Rim"?

So that you can
feel close to Daddy?

I think
Mommy and Daddy fight

because I fight my brother
and they're mad at me.

No. No, no, no, no, no.
Tilly, come here.

That is not your fault, okay?

If Mommy and Daddy are fighting,
that has nothing to do with you.

They love you so much.

You're the best thing
that ever happened to them.

You know how I know?
How?

Because they tell me--
like, all the time.

They're like,
"Tills, she is the best.

I love Tilly so much.

If Tilly were ice cream, she
would be my favorite flavor."

And I happen to think
that your parents

have some
really great taste,

because you're
my favorite flavor.

I'm just gonna take
scoops out of you.

Let me just get
a little bite of this.

Oy, yoy, yoy, yoy!
Num, num, num, num, num!

Sorry we didn't do all
the fun stuff we usually do.

Oh, I'm not here
for just that.

Yeah. I mean...
I'm here for all of it.

Nell,
I actually don't think

TikTok dances are cringe
when you're doing them.

Right?
Unh! I got the moves!

You know it!

♪

Ohh...

Speaking of thanks, uh,
there's a lot of folks

I would like to thank
tonight.

Ma'am,
we really need--

Shh! This is it.

Carl, my accountant,

your work off-shore
and on...

has been nothing short
of tremendous.

It's 10 after 9. The AA people
are breathing down--

Just give me
one more minute!

My stylist, Jacques.
Oh, my goodness.

Merci beaucoup,
my friend.

And, finally,
someone who is...

quite literally the reason
we are all here tonight,

without whom none of this
could have been possible.

This is it.

Johannes Gutenberg,

the inventor
of the printing press.

Uh-huh.
I just learned that!

Okay. Wow. Heavy.

[ Applause ]

Thank you. Good night.

Tear it all down.

♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hey.
Um, call me crazy,

but I think my award
is peeling,

and, uh--
and underneath, it says, um...

"Number One Dad,"
which is, uh...

I don't want to cry again,
but, um...

You know, let's-- let's circle
back to this Monday.

Have a good night.

Nell:
So? How'd it go?

The entire ceremony
was fake. What?!

Lexi concocted the entire thing
just to impress her father.

That's insane.
I know. Insane.

But totally on brand.
On brand and sad.

Hey, so, um, if it makes you
feel any better...

Uh-huh.
...we had fake dinner tonight.

Ooh! She finally got Chez Tilly
off the ground.

Good for her.

Yeah, soft opening,
but it was nice.

How's she doing?
Where is she? She's asleep in my room.

Oh.
Wait, wait, wait. Real quick.

Mm?

Um, so, we had, like,
a little talk earlier,

and, um...
she kind of told me

that you and Keith
are not in the best place.

Wow.

Nothing gets past
that kid, huh?

Is he in San Francisco
because of work

or because of you guys?

A little bit of both.
Oh.

Yeah, he's up there
'cause he's gotta work longer

and we are taking
some time apart

until we
figure things out.

Wow, Mama.
I am so sorry.

I-I had no idea.

It's been really hard trying
to handle all of it on my own.

I'm here. I got you.
You're not on your own.

I know.
No, you have to know that.

I am here for you
for whatever you need.

You know, especially
when it comes to the kids.

Girl, Fun Aunt Nell.

Whatcha gonna do?
[ Imitates Rasta airhorn ]

Stop all of that.
All of it?

Just give me a hug.
I love you.

I love you.

What are you doing?

I know we only ate
imaginary food,

but I hate fingerprints
on the dishes.

[ Sighs ]

I'm sorry
I upset you earlier.

I didn't mean
to make you feel bad.

I thought I was
just saying facts.

But I now realize those facts
came across as rude

because you said
they were.

I appreciate that.

You know, but if I'm
being honest, uh,

I think I needed
that reality check.

I keep hiding behind saying,
"If it happens, it happens,"

but the truth is,
is it won't happen

if I don't
make it happen.

And I do want it
to happen.

You do?

Yeah.

When I was with Tilly
earlier,

it just felt... right.

And, like, maybe I'd be good
at being a mom.

I'm really glad
to hear you say that.

Yeah?

Because after our tiff,
I did a little cursory research,

and it turns out that the facts
are more encouraging

than I previously thought.
Oh.

There are a lot of
women who have healthy children at your age.

I do think you'll want
to focus on your diet a little bit better,

and I know that's
an uphill battle for you.

Got it. Thanks.
You can also freeze your eggs.

Oh.
It is very costly, and you're--

Well, let's face it.
You're poor.

Edward!

I'm just saying...

I think
you'll be great at it.

So just say that.

[ Groans ]

You would be great
at it.

Thank you.

[ Water sloshing ]
Okay. Well, you didn't dry the plate.

I did.
There's gonna be rings on it.

It's plenty dry.
We'll switch spots.

Father, this isn't easy, but I
have something I'd like to say.

I have spent my entire life
trying to impress you,

trying to get your approval,

but you never seem interested.

Well, guess what.

This entire awards show
was a sham!

And another thing-- I've never
liked your girlfriend Susan.

Ma'am, I'm gonna have to
charge your credit card

an extra hour.

Yeah, don't interrupt me
when I'm talking to my father!

Okay, Dad. Let's go.

We'll continue this in my car.

♪

I mean,
it's cheaper than therapy.

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