All language subtitles for Favorite Deadly Sins

(slow rock music)

♪ Bad ♪

♪ Bad ♪

♪ Bad ♪

(slow rock music continues)
(audience cheers)

(audience cheers)

(slow bluesy music)
(flames crackling)

(slow bluesy music continues)

(flames crackling)

(slow bluesy music continues)

(flames crackling)

(slow bluesy music continues)

(traffic roars)

(baby cries)

- Jesus Christ.

- Look at him, look
what it did to his face.

- I thought you said Fab.

- Snowy, I said Snowy.

Fab, Snowy, Snowy, Fab, it
doesn't even sound the same.

One comes in a red box, the
other one comes in a blue box.

Now he's got a rash all over his ass.

- I said I'm sorry.

- You can remember Mickey
Mantle's 1963 slugging percentage,

you got it on the tip of your tongue,

but you can't walk two blocks
without forgetting a list

that reads butter, coma, Snowy.

Married fucking Rain Man.

It's like the paint, I tell
you the exact color to get.

All you had to do was go down

to the hardware store and pick it up.

- Dad, can I watch "Reservoir Dogs"?

- Sure, honey.

- No!

- [Lisa] Spic.

- Did you hear what she just said?

You are in big trouble.

- [Lisa] No!

- Do you hear me, young lady?

(traffic roars)

You know, yesterday they
called me from school

to tell me she was going
around saying the C word

to all the other kids. (faintly speaking)

(slow jazzy music continues)

Jake?

Jake.

(baby coos)

Well, just gotta do it myself,

like everything else around here.

Yep, just talking to myself,

talking to the walls, the mauve walls.

(slow bluesy music)

With mauve paint, I hate
mauve, but, you know,

now at least the kitchen
matches the baby's ass,

isn't that nice?

Life with Jake.

(slow bluesy music continues)

(furniture clatters)

Lisa, Lisa, open up the door right now!

Lisa!

(slow bluesy music continues)

- How you doing, Jimmy?

You know how much that
prick makes an hour?

- No.

- 25 bucks.
- Jesus.

- Do you believe that shit?

- Oh my God.

- What the hell is all this?

- I don't know.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy
boy, what's all this?

- Excuse me?

- You're not just gonna leave
all this stuff down here

in the middle of the floor, are you?

- [Vice President] Yes, I am.

- Oh, yeah, well, I can
almost personally guarantee

you're not because I'm head-

- I'm senior vice
president of Acquisitions

and I will leave my gear here

and you will watch it
until I come back down.

- Yes, sir.
(elevator dings)

- Put your fucking hats back on.

- Ass wipe.

You ever skied?

- Yeah, once.

- Not me, I gotta get
down from snowy mountain,

I'll take a fucking sled.

- Well, a lot of nice looking broads

go skiing, Christie Brinkley.

- Christie Brinkley, she's
45 fucking years old.

- She's 42.

- Big difference, Jake.

- The point is, you get up there,

you get a nice fire going.

(slow saxophone music)

Snuggle up against the cold,
big bottle of champagne on ice,

and you got some fondue,
and the snow's falling-

- Fondue, what the fuck is fondue?

- You know, would it kill you to wait

until the coffee's stopped brewing?

- Would it kill me?

Possibly.

- You know, every time you
blow smoke out the window,

it just blows right back in.

- I know.

- Well, the kids, you know?

- I know.
(television chatters)

(dog barks)
(bus screeches)

(slow jazzy music)

(siren wails)

(traffic roars)
(group chattering)

(slow jazzy music continues)

(Mr. Potter screams)

(horn honks)
(traffic roars)

(Jake knocks)

There's been an accident.

(Sara gasps)

I'm sorry, ma'am.

(slow funky music)

- You hear what I said?

Just keep putting cream
on the baby's rash.

The babysitter will be here
at three o'clock, right?

You think you can handle that?

- Okay.

(door slams)

(baby coos)

(slow funky music)

Lisa!

- [Lisa] What?

- We're going to the park.

- [Lisa] No, I don't
want to go to the park.

You can go to the park, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

(slow bluesy music)
(group chattering)

(children shouting)

(Jake laughs)

- He, he likes that, sort of.

Okay, pal?

(children shrieking)

- [Sara] Is that your little girl?

- Yep, Lisa, cut that out!

Knock it off or I'll come over there

and hit you on the side of the
goddamn head, Jesus Christ.

(baby cries)

Sorry, she's.

(children shrieking)

(slow bass music)

- [Neil] That's one small step for man,

(slow bass music continues)

one giant leap for mankind.

(slow bass music continues)

- [Sara] Excuse me, I think
we live in the same building.

- We do?

- Yeah, I'm Sara Potter.

- Nice to meet you.

- [Sara] I met your wife
here last week, Brenda?

- Oh.

- We were gonna get the girls together

for a play date on Thursday.

- She can't.

- [Sara] Oh, well.

- I'm watching the kids Thursday.

- Would you like to bring them over?

- Sure, sure, great.
(traffic roars)

- [Eddie] What are you, nuts?

- [Jake] What?

- [Eddie] What if she's a psycho?

- [Jake] She's not fucking psycho, Jesus.

- [Eddie] Didn't you ever
see "Fatal Attraction"?

- [Jake] No.

- [Eddie] "Basic Instinct"?

- [Jake] No.

- Jesus Christ, "Disclosure,"

the whole Michael Douglas fucking trilogy?

Fuck, the guy devoted to his life

to warning other guys not to
fuck around on their wife.

Shit, he even had to go

to Sexaholics Anonymous in real life.

Jesus Christ, read the papers, will you?

Every day they got a goddamn story

about some guy who goes into the park,

meets some broad, goes back to her place,

and she fucking stabs him.

- I'm not going over there
to have sex with her,

okay, Eddie, Jesus Christ.

It's a fucking play
date, for Christ's sake.

- Bullshit, Jake, the only
reason why a guy goes over

to some strange girl's apartment is

because he's thinking about fucking her.

We're animals, all we think about is sex.

Ask me what I'm thinking about right now.

- What?

- Pussy.

- Get the fuck out of here.

- [Eddie] Swear to God, look behind you.

- You're shitting me.

- I swear to God.

You know them catalogs women
get, Victoria's Secret?

- [Jake] Yeah.

- You ever flip through them

and think how sexy the girls
look in their lingerie,

or the women in the Sunday
"New York Times" underwear ads?

It's better than "Playboy," I mean,

I like "Playboy," but this stuff,

I don't know, sometimes I
look at a painting like this

and I just get rock
fucking hard, you know?

- [Jake] Yeah?

- Yeah, (laughs) we're
visual fucking retards, Jake.

Women, they like romance,
flowers, knights in shining armor.

Us, we like tits, big tits,
small tits, anybody's tits.

You're looking out the
window getting a hard on

over some good looking chick is a given.

It's not because you

and your wife ain't
getting along this week,

because you're a fucking guy.

You and your wife could
be in seventh heaven.

You'd make love to her, she'd fall asleep,

and you'd still be staring
out the window getting hard.

Besides, this broad is
fucking married with kids.

- So?

- So I don't get it, why not look

in some single young chick's window?

- Because she's different,
she's there, she's, you know,

she's like a real, like,
you know, classy broad.

- [Eddie] Pool of blood.

- Huh?

- Her husband's gonna come home,

discover the two of you in bed,

he's gonna shoot you in the neck

and the cops are gonna find
you in a pool of blood.

Do me a favor, rent that
fucking Michael Douglas film,

will you, come on.

(slow bluesy music)

(vase shatters)

(baby wails)

(slow bluesy music continues)

(door rattles)

(Mr. Potter cries out)

- [Mr. Potter] Son of a bitch.

(slow funky music)

- Come on.

- Honey?

Why don't we get a sitter on Friday night,

maybe go to a movie or something?

- Okay.

- Hmm?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- [Eddie] Look, the kid's your cover.

The husband comes home, you
act like it's just a play date.

- [Jake] It is just a play date.

- [Eddie] Yeah, right,
bring a nice bottle of wine,

a little icebreaker, but
don't let your guard down.

- [Jake] I don't know,
it's just, you know?

- What an ass on this piece.

(door knocks)

- [Lisa] Hi, honey, I'm home, hi, dear.

- Do you want some coffee or wine?

- No, no, coffee's good.

(slow bluesy music)

- [Sara] Cream and sugar?

- Yeah, both, thanks.

- [Sara] Where's the baby?

- He's at the sitter's.

- [Sara] Mine's an angel,

sleeps through the night,
naps all afternoon.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

That's great.

Ours is still waking up a
couple of times a night.

- [Sara] That's hard.

- Yeah.

Boy, this place looks
great, I'll tell you.

Before you guys moved in,
it was a real shit hole.

- [Sara] What'd you say?

- Nothing, I said the
place looks terrific,

looks great.

So what does your husband do?

- [Sara] My ex-husband.

- [Jake] Oh.

- We're separated, on good terms, though.

Here you go.

- [Jake] Great, thanks.

- Sit down.

- Okay.

- It's hard, you know, you meet someone,

you think that's what you
want, and then suddenly,

someone else comes along
and your life just changes.

- Yep.

- You try and plan your
life out neat and clean,

but I don't know, life
just doesn't work that way.

There's all these little
(laughs) surprises.

(Jake laughs)

(Jake clears throat)

(Sara moans)

(slow bluesy music)

Oh, yes.

(slow bluesy music continues)

Oh, yes, oh, Jake. (sighs)

So your wife's a nurse, isn't she?

- Yes, yes, she's a, she's a nurse at

St. Stephen's.

- She is a very pretty woman.

- Yes, thank you.

I mean, you know.

Yeah.

- Yeah, how long have
you guys been married?

- [Jake] Oh, oof, eight years.

- [Sara] Oh, wow.

- [Jake] We met in high school, actually.

I dated her sister first.

- [Sara] Must be difficult for you.

- [Jake] Oh, well.

- [Sara] Ice?

- [Jake] A spritz is fine.

- You know, an attractive man
like yourself, young, strong.

The world must be full of temptation.

- I can handle myself.

- Then what are you waiting for?

Oh, God, I know you've been watching me.

I get wet just thinking about it.

Oh, God.

(dishes shattering)

- Yeah.

- Oh, oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes, oh, yes, harder, yes.

Oh, God, just give it to me, harder.

Oh, yes.

Oh my God.

- Sorry, this doesn't
usually happen to me.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Sorry.

- Christ.

- Hi.

- Jake, this is Nancy.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

- You know, he's married
to Brenda, the nurse.

- [Nancy] Oh, yes, yes.

- [Sara] How was work?

- [Nancy] Oh, God, Puerto
Rican protest outside the UN,

traffic was backed up
all over the east side.

- [Sara] Really?

So, your wife's a nurse?

She is a very pretty woman.

- [Jake] You know, I.

- [Sara] Yeah.

- I, (stammers) I gotta get going.

- Oh, no, please stay a little while.

- No, no, I can't.

Honey, we gotta get going.

Thanks a lot, it's really been nice.

- [Eddie] Lesbians, holy fucking shit,

you hit the fucking jackpot, Jake.

- I know, I know.

- Did you ever see "The Hunger"?

- [Jake] No.

- With Susan Sarandon and
Catherine what's her name,

the French chick?

They're lesbian vampires, forget it, shit.

You gotta have me over, how's Tuesday?

I'll bring my binoculars.

(Jake moans)
(Brenda moans)

(Brenda laughs)

(Jake sighs)

- That was great.

- We should fight more often.

- Yeah.

- Huh?

- Maybe.

(slow bluesy music)

(Brenda laughs)

(slow bluesy music continues)

(slow bluesy music)

(slow jazzy music)

(flames crackling)

- [Frank] You see, money
was everything with me.

My passion, my religion, my
vocation, my hobby, my mistress.

In fact, it was money that was
on my mind that fateful day.

(flames crackling)

My name's Musso, Frank Musso.

I'm a producer, I make TV movies,

the ones about murder, adultery,

eating disorders, substance
and spousal abuse,

you know, lighthearted
entertainment for the whole family.

(flames crackling)

I was on my way to lock up the rights

to my next docudrama,
the Allison Shoop story.

You remember Allison Shoop,
the nut who made headlines

when she sold her two
kids for a case of gin.

Tragic, but it would make
a hell of a TV movie.

- [Announcer] Sunday night,
torn from today's headlines,

the story that shocked a nation.

- Do you expect me to return my children

to a woman who sold them for liquor money?

- Don't you know alcoholism is a disease?

- [Announcer] Morgan Brittany.

- Lane and Whitney, they're mine now.

- [Announcer] Tanya
Roberts as Allison Shoop.

- I don't want money, Mrs. Van Leeland.

I want my kids back.

- Maybe this will calm your nerves.

(Tanya gasps)

- [Announcer] "Kids for Sale:
The Allison Shoop Story,"

Sunday night at nine.

- [Frank] Yeah, it was a
natural for November sweeps.

Now, all I needed was for
the trailer park queen

of San Berdoo to sign her life
over to moi, the biopic king.

As the wise man once said,
"Go where the money is."

(slow jazzy music continues)
(flames crackling)

Yeah, it was a done deal, or was it?

Damn.

Todd Farrit, first time
I'd seen him east of Spago,

and he already had his hooks
into the real Allison Shoop.

On the show business food chain,

Farrit was a bottom feeder,

and there wasn't enough food

on the bottom for the both of us.

- You're gonna be very happy-
- Mrs. Shoop!

Frank Musso, we spoke on the phone.

- You're too late, Musso,
I signed with Mr. Farrit.

He made the numbers work.

- Yeah, let me handle this, Allison.

Frank Musso, a legend, big fan, Frank.

You know, you were the '80s.

- [Frank] Farrit first
made a name for himself

when he was fired from the
William Morris mail room

for steaming open Martin
Landau's paycheck.

I made a mental note to
count my fingers later.

- I had no idea you were
negotiating with Mrs. Shoop,

Frank, or I never would
have closed the deal.

- Yeah, right, and I've got common stock

in Orion that's about to split.

Look, Mrs. Shoop, do you really
want to put your life story

in the hands of a kid
still in training Guccis,

or the veteran producer

of the Daytime Emmy award
winning after school special

"Because Mommy Turns
Tricks" starring Pam Dawber?

- You only promised me a movie, Musso.

Todd's gonna make me into a miniseries.

- They want to run it for
May sweeps over two nights.

- You'll need two nights to fit
her whole ass on the screen.

- That's it, I'm getting my shotgun.

- What kind of a monster
would sell her own children

for booze money?

- You can't talk to me like that, Musso.

I'm the victim here.

- Your refrigerator's the victim here.

- Frankie, Frankie,
please, my hand to God,

I take no joy in this.

I hope this won't affect the way we feel

about each other, but-

(slow jazzy music)

- [Frank] That's the
problem when you're top gun.

There's always some young
punk trying to knock you off.

(phone beeps)

- [Receptionist] Kim Frost's office.

- Yeah, Frank Musso.

- [Receptionist] I'll see if she's in.

- [Frank] Kim Frost was
known as the MOW VP with PMS.

I hated her, she hated me,

but we made six TV movies together,

which in LA is the same as love.

- [Kim] Cut to the chase, Musso.

I got a four o'clock in the Valley.

- Kim, the more I think about
this Allison Shoop story,

the more I think we should be
celebrating the human spirit.

- [Kim] Yeah, in other
words, you blew the deal.

- No, she's trouble, I backed
out to save you an ulcer.

- [Kim] Right.

- Look, I've got better idea.

I'm gonna fax you this article,

"I was a Suburban Lap Dancer,"

think Markie Post, a mom
by day, stripper by night.

- [Kim] Frank, I gotta go, Todd
Farrit's on the other line.

- [Frank] Farrit, that name
kept coming back like a check

from Dino De Laurentiis.

(slow jazzy music)

I needed something to
break for me, and fast,

or I'd be Monday's loser
du jour at the Polo Lounge.

(cow moos)

Just then, the word "free"
caught my eye, it usually does.

It didn't seem like a
big decision at the time,

but that little detour
changed my life forever.

(dog barks)

(slow country music)

(car horn honks)

(background noise drowns out speaker)

Hey, Clem, fill it up.

Super unleaded, oh, and don't
forget the free lube job.

Hey, loved you in "Deliverance."

- Oh. (laughs)

(mechanic whistles)

- Well, it wasn't the Fox Commissary,

but it would have to do.

The odds of my getting a Veal Sinatra here

were virtually nil.

If I left now, I could
get to Lucy's across

from Paramount in time for happy hour.

You can make a whole meal
out of those free nachos

for the price of a Dos Equis.

Sweetheart, could I see a menu?

♪ It's what I've done, too,
I've been (indistinct) ♪

- Maybe you couldn't hear
me over the Reba McEntire.

Can I see a menu?

- It's on the wall.

You got a customer.

- Mama, do I have to
freshen everybody's cup?

My rotator cuff's been acting up again.

- Oh, why don't you just go
soak in a hot tub, darling?

I'll get Norma to cover for you.

- Thank you, Mama.

- Norma, there's some cups
need freshening out here.

- Norma, Ed Noseworthy's
waiting on his chili.

- Mm-hmm.

- Mama, where is she?

(customer belches)

- [Frank] This place was further

from the main road than I thought.

I was nearly taillights
when she walked in.

(slow music)

Right then and there, I was hooked.

Not just hooked, but reeled in,

cleaned, fileted, and wrapped
in yesterday's "Variety."

- Can't you see I got my
hands full, Charlotte?

Maybe Princess Diana

over there would get
up off her royal duff.

- Don't go picking on your sister,

and don't forget, you're
staying late to clean the grill.

- But I was going to go see
that movie with Brad Pitt.

- Well, tell him you can't go.

And don't sass your mother.

- Stepmother, my birth mother's
dead, I wish you were, too.

(Charlotte grumbles)

- What do you want?

- Oh, relax, Cinderella.

Why don't you just bring me a bowl

of that world-famous chili?

I don't want to rush you,

but I do have to be back
in Hollywood at 4:30.

- You in the movies?

- TV movies.

- Oh. (sighs)

- Hey.

- I'm leaving.

- They're an art form in their own right.

Did you happen to see "Starved
for Love" with Courteney Cox?

- Uh-uh.

- Well, "People Magazine" calls it

the definitive anorexia
movie, I produced it.

- "People Magazine"?

Well, I'm Norma Jean Hazelrigg.

- Enchanté, Frank Musso.

How do you like my logo,

a serpent uncoiling out of a film can?

- I like it a lot.

You see, I'm just crazy
about show business, Frank.

I have never missed an episode
of "Entertainment Tonight."

Did you see last night about Winona Ryder?

That very same thing happened to me.

- [Frank] This one loosened up real fast.

She was too good to be true.

- So it's like I'm
destined to become famous.

- [Frank] Even if I had
to buy her dinner first,

how much could it cost me out here?

- Do you really have
to leave town so soon?

There's this little motel down the street

where we could discuss movies.

- [Charlotte] Norma Jean, stop dabbling

and get back to work.

- God, I hate that woman, I am working!

- [Frank] I should have
hopped back into my Mercedes,

but it was being lubed.

Come to think of it, so was I.

(slow bluesy music)

At least I could put this
towards the price of the motel.

Frank Musso for Ziggy Brillman.

Well, tell him it's
urgent, Musso, Frank Musso.

- If it had been written
"The days of your life,"

it would have meant the days
only, but all the, what?

- Mr. Z, Frank Musso.

- What?

- Urgent.

- What are you calling me for, Musso?

There is no show business on Passover.

- [Speaker] How could it be, can-

- Barry, start the four questions.

(Barry speaking in foreign language)

- Ziggy, I happen to be at
a seder myself in Bel Air.

(speaking in foreign language)
without me, Mr. Ovitz.

- Hold it a minute, Barry, I can't hear.

So, since when are you Jewish?

- Since I sold "Because Daddy's
Gay" over Hanukkah latkes.

Listen, Ziggy, I was talking
to Kim Frost at the network.

- The cobra woman?

- And she's very hot
over one of my projects,

"The Minerva Mimik Story."

- Minerva who?

- She's the one who buried
her ex-husband alive.

Of course we're play up the tender side.

You know, it'd be perfect

for one of your clients, Lindsay Wagner.

- What are you, Musso, the 11th plague?

All you do is exploit
tragedy for a quick buck.

- Now, is that a no,

or do I sense a little
wiggle room in there?

- I will never put Lindsay into
one of your trashy projects.

- Listen, Ziggy, I don't
have to say she's attached,

if I can just say she thumbed through it.

- You're a vulture, a predator.

- How about she walked by it?

- Hearse chaser, carrion bird.

- Oh, yeah, I hope you
choke on some matzah

and none of your relatives
know the Heimlich maneuver.

- Barry, what are you waiting for?

A little louder this time
so your Uncle Moe can hear.

(Barry speaking in foreign language)

(slow jazzy music)

(Frank sings)

- Pan Am Braniff.

♪ It's a Pan Am kind of night ♪

(Frank hums)

(Norma knocks)

- Sorry I'm late, Frank.

- [Frank] No problemo, come in.

- It's just that awful stepmother of mine.

"Scrub the dishes, Norma Jean.

Scrape the grill, Norma Jean."

- Why don't you sit down, Cinderella?

Just toss those scripts aside.

- Oh, "I Want My Ovaries
Back: The Verna Felton Story."

- Yeah, that's the egg donor
who sued for child custody.

It's on the fast track at Fox.

(glasses clinking)

- "You'll Never Hit My Kids Again:

The Clorinda Skidmore Story."

"So Pull the Plug Already:
The Nate Mandelbaum Story."

- As Sam Goldwyn used to say,

there's no fiction like the truth.

(glasses clinking)

- I bet you can make a
movie out of my life, Frank,

then I'd be rich and famous
and on the cover of "People."

And then I wouldn't have
to live with my stepmother

and my stepsisters ever again.

- We might consummate a deal.

Go ahead, Cinderella,
tell me your life story.

Maybe I can give it a Hollywood ending.

- All right, it all started 17 years ago.

We were a happy family until my mama died.

- [Frank] She was a nice kid

and I didn't want to dash her
dreams, so I let her talk.

- [Norma] Married to that old witch.

- [Frank] And talk.

- [Norma] I ran away from home.

- [Frank] And talk.

- Then Charlotte found me in
Modesto, and (claps) boom,

right back in the kitchen,
scraping pots and pans.

So would that be a good movie, Frank?

- Absolutely, but I already made it,

"Portrait of a Runaway"
with Valerie Bertinelli.

It won its time slot.

Now, look, Cinderella, if
you want to sell a TV movie,

you've got to have a hook,
a strong through line,

like setting your husband on fire

or climbing up a tower with a rifle

and picking off the student body.

- Well, now that you mention it,

some nights when I'm
working late at the diner,

I have these fantasies.

- I know what you mean.

- About killing my stepmother
and my stepsisters.

- Then you'd have something.

I could sell that on the title alone,

"The Cinderella Killer: The Norma Jean,"

what's your name again?

- Hazelrigg.

- "The Norma Jean Hazelrigg Story,"

with Pamela Anderson as you,

Ann-Margret as your
stepmother, and Brian Dennehy-

- What would he play?

- It's a TV movie, you've
gotta have Brian Dennehy.

We'll weave him in and out
as the ghost of your father.

- "The Cinderella Killer," I love it.

But if I kill my family,
wouldn't I have to,

like, go to prison or the
gas chamber or something?

- Babe, where have you been?

Nobody walks the last mile anymore.

You hire Leslie Abramson,

played in your movie by Linda Lavin.

No, Dyan Cannon, she gets you off

on a technicality and
happy ending. (snaps)

Cut to the Frito-Lay commercial.

- And would I make a lot of money, Frank?

- You'd have the entire
collection of presidents.

- Oh, I just love money, Frank.

Sometimes when nobody's looking,

I just reach into the register

and I grab a great big wad
of cash and I just smell it.

- You do that, too?

- Uh-huh.

I think we should do it, Frank.

- Now you're talking, babe.

- No, I mean we should do the movie.

- Oh, well, I'd like nothing better than

to go into Kim Frost's office
with "The Cinderella Killer,"

only there are a few
grounds in the cappuccino.

- What do you mean?

- Well, none of this ever happened.

I was just pitching, spinning a yarn.

You fell under the Musso's spell.

- Well, we can make it happen.

- Yes, we could, what?

- We could kill my stepmother

and those dumb daughters of hers.

- Oh. (stammers)

- We can do it just like you said, Frank,

you know, the through line.

- Oh, pause, rewind, Norma,
it doesn't work that way.

You see, I wait for
something horrible to happen

and then I make a movie about
it, not the other way around.

- Of course, Frank,
you're absolutely right.

Sometimes my imagination just runs wild.

What about your imagination, Frank?

What are you imagining right now?

Because all this talk about movies

and money has made me very, very horny.

(slow ominous music)

- [Frank] Before I knew
what was happening,

she was doing things to me
that I hadn't even done to me,

things that Masters never told Johnson,

that Kinsey kept out of his report.

And when it was all over,

I found myself in much
deeper than I had planned.

(slow jazzy music)

- Oh, Frank, that was just the
greatest sex I've ever had.

- You're not kidding, I don't even smoke.

- Oh, Frankie, it's too bad you have

to go back to Hollywood, we
can't make our little movie.

- Movie, what she really meant was murder,

and yet, suddenly it
didn't seem so crazy to me.

Why not create the events,

instead of sitting around
waiting for them to happen,

then getting beaten to the rights

by the likes of a Todd Farrit, why not?

Who said Frank Musso has

to be the last moral man in Hollywood?

Norma, we'll do it.

(Norma gasps)

- Oh, Frank, it does help
to sleep with a producer.

I just have to become famous.

I don't know how to do anything else.

- Oh, I wouldn't exactly say that.

(Norma laughs)

The ideas began to explode in my head.

Planning a real murder

to capture the public's
imagination wouldn't be so tough.

I knew all the tricks, a splashy opening,

a heart rending backstory,
courtroom fireworks,

some skin between the sheets,

and finally, vodka for everyone.

But most of all, you needed
a sympathetic lead character

that every humdrum
hausfrau could relate to.

All right, so we needed a
little work in that department.

(coyote howls)

(slow jazzy music)

(gas meter dings)

(slow ominous music)

She followed my script
just as I had written it,

shot by shot, but she added a
few little nuances of her own.

(slow tango music)

(door creaks)

- [Speaker On TV] Call the number

on the screen, folks, and order now.

- [Speaker On TV] Because in 10 minutes,

it won't be available.

- [Speaker On TV] And they're just 19.95.

- [Speaker] You cannot beat this, really.

I mean, do you think someone-

(slow ominous music)

(door creaks)

- [Speaker On TV] They
are environmentally safe.

- [Speaker On TV] Right, as
well as fun with your cat.

Oh, and we have a special offer

that Matt's gonna tell us about.

- [Matt] That's right,
if you order right now,

we're gonna throw in the free
kitty litter odor eliminator.

Now, is that necessary?

- [Frank] Of course, Frank
Musso was nowhere near the scene

of the crime when it happened.

(phone rings)

- Hello?

- Ziggy, Frank Musso.

- Musso?

- You know, I felt bad

about how our conversation
ended this afternoon.

After all, it's a relationship business,

and since I'm cruising Trousdale,

why don't I just stop on over

and we'll polish off a
bottle of Manischewitz?

- Do you know what time it is?

- Why, no, Ziggy, the
clock is broken in my car.

What time is it?

- [Ziggy] It's 3:15 in the morning.

- [Frank] What time did you say?

- 3:15 in the morning.

- Ziggy, if I'd have known it was 3:15

in the morning, I never would have called.

I'll just let you get on back to bed.

(car horn honks)

Hey, watch out, you lunatic, are you nuts?

Ooh, close call, Ziggy,

almost a head on collision
right here on Loma Vista,

where I happen to be right
now at 3:15 in the morning.

(Ziggy speaking in foreign language)

(phone beeps)

You're up?

- [Frank] For a first time killer,

she was pretty cool,
maybe a little too cool.

(slow dramatic music)

Leaving the shoe behind
was a nice visual touch.

I planned on building

the whole Cinderella
ad campaign around it.

(fire crackles)

There was no turning back now.

- Oh, it was just perfect,
oh, it was just like,

it was just like we planned.

You should have been there.

I did it, I did it, Frank.

You should have seen it, it
was just like we planned.

Cover up people, Frank.

- Cover up people, babe.

- Oh.

(slow orchestral music)

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

- And Heavenly Father, may we also ask

that you guide and protect
our young Norma Jean

as she struggles through life
without her loving family.

As we are all children, so
are the days of our lives,

and so, all my children, like
sands through the hourglass,

we have one life to live.

- [Frank] Norma was good,

better than good, she was great.

(Norma cries)

Unfortunately, the local cops weren't.

I realized if I ever wanted her arrested,

I was gonna have to help it along.

- Amen, let's eat.

(upbeat country music)
(group chattering)

- Oh, look, that's a huge-
(group chattering)

- Don't you get it, if the
shoe fits, she is the killer.

Nevermind who this is, Sherlock.

I'm an anonymous tipster.

If I give you my name,
I wouldn't be anonymous.

Geez, you can't even get
arrested in this town.

(coins clinking)

Thank you.

(siren wails)

- There she is.

Ma'am, come with us, please?

- [Speaker] What's the problem?

- [Officer] Right over here, have a seat.

Try not to contaminate this evidence.

(group chattering)

(person gasps)

- [Frank] Norma played
it for all it was worth,

and the way I'd figured,

it was worth at least
eight mil after taxes.

(Norma gasps)

(group chattering)

Her grave site arrest
would make a great button

before the second commercial break.

(slow country music)

- [Photographer] Look this
way, turn to the right.

Lock her up.

(slow country music continues)

- She was booked for murder one.

Now it was time to go
into my song and dance,

handling the media frenzy.

Some frenzy.

(slow music)

Hey, Woodward and Bernstein,
quite a story, huh?

- Story, what story, mister?

- We're here to cover
the mayor's presentation

of the Safest Driver of the Year Award.

- Oh, excusez-moi, I didn't
realize you had a bigger story

than the Hazelrigg murders.

- Hazelrigg murders?

- Yes, fascinating case, young girl,

abused by a wicked
stepmother and stepsisters,

reminds me of something.

Rushes off, leaving a slipper behind.

Now, wasn't there a fairytale?

- "Snow White." (laughs)

- Right, and you're Dopey.

- Uh-huh.

- No, the other one, the one
that rhymes with Barry Diller?

- Cinderellar?

- No, Ned, Cinderella.

- Yes, I love how your minds work

as a single harmonious unit,

and since she's a Cinderella that kills,

that makes her the-

- Cinderella murderer.

- Interesting choice, but I
think we can do a little better.

She's a killer, she's
Cinderella, she's the?

- Cinderella killer.
- Cinderella killer.

- Congratulations, I'm gonna release

the white smoke of victory.

Oh, write it down before you forget it.

They don't call this
kid Scoop for nothing.

No, there's two Ls in Cinderella,
but only one in Pulitzer.

Now, why don't you boys get in there

before that sleazy "New
York Times" shows up

and grabs all the glory, go, go, go.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Hey, thanks, mister.

- Thanks, mister.

(car horn honks)

- All right, so it wasn't
the "New York Times,"

but it was a start.

All the story needed
now was a little nudge,

and I was just the little
nudge to get it going.

Hello, is this Dominick Dunne?

- [Dominick] This is he.

- It is?

- [Dominick] Mm-hmm.

- Well, I am a tremendous fan, sir.

- [Dominick] And your name?

- I am Owen C. Crouch,
county trial coordinator here

in Modesto, California.

- [Dominick] Modesto, huh?

- Now, "Vanity Fair" informs me

you will be covering the
Cinderella killer trial.

- [Dominick] I'm not familiar with that.

- Oh, you're not?

- [Dominick] No.

- Well, that is just as well,
sir, because Norman Mailer

and Joe McGinniss are
requesting permanent seats.

- [Dominick] Mailer and McGinniss?

- Now, if you change your
mind, I am at 209-555-0965.

- [Dominick] 096-

(phone rings)

(slow music)

- Modesto County
Courthouse, Crouch speaking.

- [Dominick] Yes, this is Dominick Dunne.

- Oh, yes, Mr. Dunne.

(crickets chirping)

(door knocks)

- Hi, I have a delivery for Mr. Mosso.

- No, that's Musso, 31 minutes, it's free.

- Wait a minute, wait, what about a tip?

- You want to a tip, you'll
never get laid in that outfit.

(door slams)

The next order of business
was to get Norma an attorney,

and where does one turn to find
a good attorney these days?

- Good evening, I'm Terry Murphy.

Our top story tonight on "Hard
Copy," the Cinderella killer.

This case has it all, sex,
violence, a beautiful defendant,

and the now infamous red high heeled shoe.

Joining us from Houston is the attorney

that successfully defended
the Central Park strangler,

the Atlanta ax murder, and
most of the Jackson family.

He's also the author of
the current bestseller,

"Don't Get Mad, Get a
Lawyer," Noble Hart, Noble?

- Howdy, Larry, it's always a pleasure.

- No, I'm Terry Murphy
and this is "Hard Copy."

- Oh, oh, sorry, I do so many
of these satellite feeds,

I thought, thought, you know.

- Noble, what's your take

on this whole Cinderella killer thing?

- Oh, maybe I'm just
an old country lawyer,

but I can tell you, you
can bet the ranch I know

which way this horse is heading.

- [Frank] I didn't know

who this smug pontificating redneck was,

but he was just the kind of
cornball a jury would fall for,

and his passing resemblance

to actor Brian Keith would help us later

in casting the movie.

- What's gonna happen is,

little Miss Hazelrigg's
hard guns are gonna trot out

the old abuse excuse and
they're gonna tell you

that she's just a poor
victimized child who didn't have

any choice but to kill her
abusive family in self-defense.

Now, that skunk throws
a pretty strong scent,

and I can tell you that I personally find

that kind of defense to
be morally repugnant.

(slow bluegrass music)

(phone beeps)

- Oh, Mr. Hart!
(group chattering)

- Now, my friends, I just want to say

that I'm extremely proud

to be heading up Ms.
Hazelrigg's defense team.

- [Report] Together,
please, a little closer.

- And when all the facts are in,

y'all are gonna see that she
is just a poor victimized child

who had no choice but to kill

that abusive family in self-defense.

(group chattering)

- [Announcer] You've been watching

Noble Hart's live press conference.

Coming up, dads who sleep with
their daughter's boyfriends

on an all-new "Jerry Springer."

- [Frank] But I really
knew we were on our way

when the late night comics
started jumping on the story.

- This is kind of odd, I think
this Norma Jean Hazelrigg,

you know, Paul, Norma Jean?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, I think she may
be trying to capitalize,

make some money off of her family tragedy.

I heard where she was opening a restaurant

in New York City in a couple
of weeks, Planet Homicide.

(audience laughs)

(background noise drowns out speaker)

(Frank laughs)

- They say the defendant left
her shoe at the murder scene.

That's actually the most
famous high heeled pump

in criminal history next
to J. Edgar Hoover's, so.

(audience laughs)

(audience cheers)

- "The Insider," "The Post."
(slow music)

"USA Today,"

and I've been saving this
for a special surprise.

It hits the stands Monday.

- Oh, Frank. (laughs)

- Cover of "People," babe.

- You did it, Frank, you made me famous.

- Then why so sad?

- I just wish my family could
have lived to see my success.

- Yeah, right, look, (snaps)
I have a little business

we have to take care of.

- Sign here.

- [Frank] Norma and I had
a firm handshake agreement,

which I backed up with an
even firmer 80 page contract,

giving me exclusive
rights to her life story.

- Oh, I miss you, Frank.

- It won't be long now, baby,

just the formality of
beating a multiple murder rap

with special circumstances.

- I can't wait.

I just get so horny being
cooped up here all alone.

At night, I just lie on my cot

and I just think of all the
things I could be doing to you,

things like. (whispers)
(slow music)

(Frank gulps)

- Next time, I'll bring a squeegee.

(slow jazzy music)

She was the only woman I ever met

who could French kiss
through bulletproof glass.

(taser crackles)

(group chattering)

- [Officer] Just stay back,
please, everyone stand back.

This is your last warning.

There are absolutely no visitors.

(group chattering)

- Hey, how could Musso gets through?

- Tough luck, losers, this is my project,

so slither back into your
leased imports and hit the road.

It's Musso by two lengths.
(group chattering)

- Frank, how'd you do it,
how'd you move in so fast?

- Well, let's just say
I've always had a nose

for a good story, but don't worry, Farrit,

you still have "The Allison Shoop Story."

Who is that again?

It was in the news so long
ago, I forgot. (laughs)

Get out of here, all of you.

Hearse chasers, carrion birds.

(phone rings)

- [Speaker] Oh, yeah,
that's me, must be mine.

- [Speaker] Hello, hello?
(phone rings)

- [Speaker] Hey, hello?
(group chattering)

- It's for me, Frank
Musso Productions, who?

Yes, I'll hold for Kim Frost.

(group chattering)

Kimbela.

So suddenly, the name Musso
was back in Kim's Rolodex.

I had her by the balls and she knew it.

I squeezed until Cinderella was green lit

and on the fast track.

- [Noble] Musso, wait up there, amigo-

- Noble, what are you doing here?

- I just jawboned the DA

into accepting second
degree manslaughter, huh?

- What are you saying?

- Saying even if our little
girl is guilty as sin,

she'll be out in a year, no trial.

- Are you out of your mind?

The trial is my whole third act.

You can't end the miniseries
on a plea bargain.

- Musso, you're blurring the line

between reality and fantasy a bit.

- Wake up!

Wake up, Noble, everything
is show business now.

I've already hired writers
to work on Norma's testimony.

- You mean you want to put
that child on the stand?

Shouldn't she be making
that decision for herself?

- Well, Tex, her last decision was

to wipe out her entire family.

You want to leave that to her?

- Hmm.

(upbeat music)

- [Frank] I hired Shag
Hooker, Emmy winning creator

of "LA DA" to write Norma's dialogue.

If it played well in the trial,
we'd use it in the movie.

And Kim Frost insisted I hire

Carrie Fisher's half sister
Libby to give it a female pass.

(baby cries)

(audience applauds)

Then we took Norma's
testimony on the road,

trying it out in front of focus groups

with my personal friend,
actress Charlene Tilton.

- All I know is I couldn't
take the abuse any longer.

That night, something
inside me just snapped.

I needed to take back control of my life.

I needed to feel (cries) empowered.

(audience applauds)

- [Audience Member] Wonderful!

(audience cheers)

- [Audience Member] We love you, Charlene!

- [Audience Member] Brilliant!

(upbeat music)

- [Audience Member] She's incredible,

she's definitely innocent, so believable.

- Great work, guys, 92% for acquittal.

We're ready for the big time.

(upbeat music)
(group chattering)

When the big day arrived, it
was a full-blown media circus,

and I was the ringmaster,

and all the profits were going
straight to numero Musso.

- [Speaker] One red shoe,

one Norma Jean red shoe, right here.

(Frank whistles)

- [Frank] There they were, the con men,

the hucksters, the grifters, the leeches.

- [Speaker] Idiot.

- [Frank] My kind of people.

(group chattering)

- [Protestor] Remember the victim!

- [Protestors] Free Norma Jean!

- Remember the victim!
- Free Norma Jean!

- Get the hell out of here!

Man, there's always some
clown to rain on your parade.

- [Protestors] Free Norma
Jean, free Norma Jean!

- [Frank] I hired the best makeup,

hair, and costume people to
work on Norma's trial face.

- I am not wearing that, it looks geeky.

I want my red dress!

- [Assistant] A bitch.

- [Assistant] Come on.

- Focus groups hated the red dress.

They thought only a guilty slut

would wear a dress like that.

- Fine, I'll get it myself.

- And no smoking until this is over.

- "Don't do this, don't do that."

Jesus, you sound like my stepmother.

- Don't get any ideas, babe,
I sleep in asbestos underwear.

Now, do as I say and you'll
walk out of here a free woman

and into a $6 million book deal,

which of course we'll split 50 50.

- Five minutes, Ms. Hazelrigg.

- The gum, spit.

(Frank laughs)

(slow dramatic music)

- Good afternoon, we are back with day one

of the People Vs. Norma Jean Hazelrigg.

Now, earlier this morning,
the District Attorney

in his opening statement
presented a devastating portrait

of Norma Jean Hazelrigg
as a remorseless killer.

Now, for the defense, Attorney
Noble Hart is getting ready

to address the jury.

- [Frank] So here we were, opening day.

I convinced Brian Keith to fly in

to immerse himself in
the role of Noble Hart,

and at his own expense.

Nice guy, but I started
to think if I dumped Keith

and hired Tommy Lee Jones,

I can open theatrically
in foreign markets.

(gavel bangs)

- You may proceed, Mr. Hart.

- Thank you, your honor.

Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

after listening to opposing
counsel's impassioned remarks,

I don't think I'd blame any one member

of this jury if you just decided
to forget about the trial,

string my client up in the town square.

(group laughs)

- [Frank] Noble had the jury
in the palm of his hand,

and he should have,

his dialogue was costing me $1,000 a word.

- However, before you go
and build her gallows high,

(slow orchestral music)

let me, if I may,

introduce you to the real
Norma Jean Hazelrigg.

(doors creaking)

- [Audience Member] She's just a baby.

(group chattering)
(slow music continues)

- Come on over here, just sit down there.

Take your seat like a good girl.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I want y'all

to ask yourselves if this
couldn't be your own child,

frightened, lonely, confused.

Now, out of respect
for your sensibilities,

I'm not gonna catalog
all the horrible things-

- Love the trial, Frank.

It's got "not guilty" written all over it.

- [Frank] Farrit, that little suck up,

what was he hanging around for?

- Mr. Keith, Todd Farrit,

Bashful Ben Productions, love your work.

Hey, I grew up on "Family
Affair," well, reruns.

- The deprivations and the insults,

but I'd rather save you that pain-

- Hey, hey, I just had a crazy idea.

You would be perfect for this MOW

I'm doing over at Fox,
could be a backdoor pilot.

You'd play this country doctor

who becomes the head of
Disease Control in Atlanta.

Every week, you're tracking
down a mutant virus.

It's "Columbo" meets "Outbreak."

- He doesn't do episodic anymore,

and you should be ashamed of yourself,

working a murder trial.

Think of the victims.
(group chattering)

- Quiet over there.

- Sorry, sorry.
(group chattering)

- [Judge] You may proceed, Mr. Hart.

- [Noble] And so.

- Shh!

- I'll catch up to you during recess.

- Right.

- Finally, my friends,
when all hope was gone,

when every avenue of
recourse was closed to her,

that little girl struck out bravely.

She struck out against evil.
(slow orchestral music)

(jury member cries)

That's why I know deep in my heart

that you 12 good people
are gonna be speaking

for all of us when you say to her,

"Norma Jean,

we forgive you and find you not guilty."

(group chattering)

Thank you.

There you are, darling,
you give it a good blow.

- Thank you. (cries)

- Another eloquent opening statement

from the old Texas longhorn
himself, Noble Hart.

Right now, we're gonna
talk to our trial experts,

former prosecutor Robert Philibosian,

and Robert, how would you
rate Noble Hart's opening?

- Well, nobody connects
with a jury like Noble Hart.

He did what he had to
do, portraying his client

as a victimized child
with no place to turn.

Today was a clear victory for the defense,

and the prosecution must be reeling.

- Okay, we're gonna go now to Los Angeles,

Attorney Gloria Allred.

Gloria, how would you rate Hart's opening?

- It was all smoke and mirrors.

He's asking the jury to acquit this woman

after she murdered her whole
family in cold blood, why?

Because they made her do the dishes?

What kind of message are we sending here?

- Gloria, I was merely commenting
on the defense's style-

- So am I, and it was sleazy.

- Thank you very much, Gloria
Allred and Robert Philibosian.

You've certainly put opening day

in crystal clear perspective.

They've just called a recess,

so we're actually gonna cut
to New York where the trial

of alleged terrorist Sheik
Abdul Achmed is in full swing,

and what's interesting about this trial is

you'll notice the blind cleric is serving

as his own counsel.

(Abdul speaking in foreign language)

- Isn't it true, officer?

(Abdul speaking in foreign language)

- That.

(Abdul speaking in foreign language)

- You planted that bomb that framed me?

(group chattering)

- Hey, sit down or I'll clear this court.

- No, sir, it isn't.

(Abdul speaking in foreign language)

- You expect the jury to believe

that you just found the evidence?

(group chattering)

- Yeah, I do.

(group chattering)

(Abdul speaking in foreign language)

- Well, fine, may 1,000 criminals fall

on your bed and writhe.

(upbeat music)

- The trial was a ratings bonanza,

and Norma, she was becoming
a one woman industry.

There were books,

calendars,

exercise tapes,

compact discs,

collector's plates,

cologne,

and all the proceeds were being funneled

to the Christmas fund at banco de Musso.

Unfortunately, I was so busy
guarding the golden eggs,

I may have been neglecting the goose.

Oh, oh, oh. (laughs)

Thank you, Malene, but
next time, more hundreds.

(phone rings)

Coming, coming.

(phone rings)

Musso Productions.

- Frank.

- Oh, hi, Norma, how
are they treating you?

- We were supposed to have
our conjugal visit tonight.

- Was that tonight?

I am sorry, babe,

I am in a meeting right
now with the network.

Kim says hi.

- Are you sure?

'Cause I don't know if
I trust you anymore.

You haven't been coming
around much lately.

- You are never out of
my thoughts, Cinderella.

Look, I'll be up to see you tomorrow.

Meanwhile, learn your testimony.

(Norma sighs)

(slow music)

- Come on in, the currency is fine.

(glasses clinking)

- Visitor, Norma.

(slow ominous music)

- You know, I really shouldn't be talking

to another producer, Mr. Farrit,

but I guess I got nothing else to do,

since Frank's meeting with
a network executive tonight.

- Well, you're close, Norma,
he's meeting with a hooker.

- A hooker, Frank?

He'd never pay for it, he's too cheap.

- Yeah, well, he's had a sudden increase

in income lately because of you.

- I don't believe it.

I'm in prison and my man is
two timing me with a tramp.

I feel like a Tammy Wynette song.

Frank and I are supposed
to be partners, 50 50.

- Mm-hmm, yeah, and that's 50
for Frank and 50 for Musso.

Hey, Norma, you ever hear
of the Son of Sam Law?

- What's that?

- It's a law in this state that says

if you're convicted of a crime,
you can't profit from it,

which means your half will go to Frank.

- But Frank worked it out
so I'm gonna be acquitted.

- Frank is also meeting
with a network executive.

- You mean I'm gonna rot in this prison

for the rest of my life while
Frank spends all my money?

Those murders were my idea.

- Norma, Norma, keep your voice down.

Look, you do as I say and
I'll get you your acquittal

and all the profits, less a
modest fee for my own services.

- And what about Frank?

- Hey, there's always
a little blood spilled

on these deals, so this
time, it's Musso's.

- You know, Todd,

you're really starting to grow on me.

Why, I bet tonight when I'm
lying all alone in my cot,

I'll be thinking about you,

about all the things
that we can do together

when I get out of here,
things like. (whispers)

And after that.

- All right, here's what we have to do.

- The defense calls Norma Jean Hazelrigg.

(door creaks)
(group chattering)

- [Frank] Well, this was
it, el momento de verdad.

If Norma turned in a good
performance on the stand,

we'd have the happy ending Kim Frost

and the network were demanding.

- Do you swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth, so help you God?

- I do.

I really do.

- [Audience Members] Aww.

(slow music)

- And Norma Jean, was there one birthday

that sticks in your mind

as having been particularly traumatic?

- Yes, sir.

That would be my 10th birthday.

My stepmother told me I wasn't blood kin,

so I didn't deserve a birthday party,

but Frieda had a party,
a big one every year.

(group chattering)

- [Frank] Right on cue,
Norma came off as sincere,

honest, and innocent, the kid could act.

- And tell us, how long
did she keep you locked up

in that cold, damp closet?

- Oh, I can't remember. (cries)

Is July the month with 31 days?

- Oh.
(group chattering)

Now, Norma Jean, you have
always maintained right

from the beginning that you, a minor,

acted alone on that
night of April the 16th.

Was that the God's honest truth, child?

And remember, you're under a sacred oath.

- No, it's not true.
(slow dramatic music)

- [Frank] Where was this
new dialogue coming from?

It wasn't in the script.

- Are you telling this court
that you had an accomplice,

a real mastermind of this crime?

- Yes, sir, I am.

- Oh, don't shield him any longer, child.

He can't hurt you now.

- It was Frank Musso, he
made me kill my family.

I didn't want to do it, but he forced me.

- [Frank] Why was Norma doing this?

I didn't have to look
very far for an answer.

Farrit, of course, who
did he think he was, me?

- [Audience Member] Stop him.

- Bailiff, detain that man!

- [Audience Member] Get him.

- [Frank] Now it all added up
and I didn't like that math.

Ferrit must have cut Noble
in for a piece of the action,

but the producer in me had to admit,

it was a hell of a plot twist.

- Frank, wait.

I'm sorry, Frank.

Farrit just made the numbers work.

- Hey, it's a career move.
(slow orchestral music)

I'd had done the same thing.

Oh, and Noble, Brian Keith
is much better looking.

- [Bailiff] Let's go.

- Frank, you know, the funny thing is,

I've always loved you.

- Funny thing is,

I believe it.

- [Speaker] Get him out of here.

- [Speaker] Come on.

- Cover people, Frank.

- Cover up people, babe.

- [Bailiff] Let's go.

(door slams)

- [Prisoner] Hey, hey,
excuse me, excuse me.

I got something for you, man, hey, hey.

(thunder rumbles)

- You can guess the next plot point.

Norma was acquitted and I took the fall.

She pleaded psychological abuse
that I had brainwashed her.

It's kind of funny, I
got into this whole thing

because I saw a sign that said, "free,"

and now I'll never be free again.

(thunder rumbles)

- Well, son, it's time.

- Yeah, father, I guess
there's no putting it off.

- [Announcer] "Boosler,"
starring Elaine Boosler

and "Crime: He Taught,"
starring Pat Morita,

will not be seen tonight

so that we may bring you the
follow special presentation.

- [Announcer] Tonight,
the trial of the century

becomes the miniseries of the millennium,

the story that set America on fire.

Now, Charlene Tilton is
Norma Jean Hazelrigg.

- Please, Frank, I really love my family.

Don't make me do this

just so you can revive
your floundering career.

- Who says my career is floundering?

- [Announcer] Ed Marinaro
is the evil Frank Musso.

- Shut up.

Your step family has to
die so I can make my deal.

And if you don't kill them,
I'll kill you. (laughs)

- What am I, Joey Buttafuoco?

That's not the way it was, father.

Honest, it was her idea.

- [Announcer] With Robert
Culp as Attorney Noble Hart.

- Child, are you covering
for this Musso scoundrel?

- What happened to Brian Keith?

- His series got picked up.

- 'Cause darling, truth's like
a polecat in a gunny sack.

Sooner or later, it's gonna get out,

whether you want it to or not.

- I don't believe this corny dialogue.

- Oh, now, this is what I call

an attorney client relationship.

- [Announcer] Charlene Tilton, Ed Marinaro

in "Cinderella and the Beast."

- They don't have to execute me.

They're hanging me in primetime.

You know what really kills me, father?

Todd Farrit beat me out of my own movie.

That should have been a
Frank Musso production.

Now I'll never get another chance.

(thunder rumbles)

- Musso, here's the
menu for your last meal.

I recommend the Cajun crawfish.

- Spicy food always gives
me heartburn the next day.

What am I saying, I'll take the crawfish.

- It's good here.

(thunder rumbles)

- Hell!

On second thought, tell the
warden I changed my mind.

I don't want a last meal, I
want a last deal. (laughs)

(upbeat music)

- [Announcer] Live from death row,

pay-per-view proudly presents
the execution of Frank Musso,

a Frank Musso production.

Special guest stars, Tony Bennett,

Ms. Pia Zadora, the magic
of David Copperfield,

Cal Ripken, Jr., Salt n' Pepa,

Quentin Tarantino, iron Mike Tyson,

an inspirational message from
the Reverend Billy Graham,

Boyz II Men, and Brian Dennehy.

(upbeat orchestral music)

And now, in a special
final tribute to Frank,

direct from Broadway, Ms. Pia Zadora.

(slow orchestral music)
(audience cheers)

♪ Well, Frank, the moment's near ♪

♪ And, yes, I fear your
time's elapsed now ♪

♪ Yes, Frank, with one deep breath ♪

♪ You'll meet your death ♪

♪ When they pass the gas now ♪

♪ But still, you've had your fun ♪

♪ You're number one ♪

♪ From Maine to Norway ♪

♪ Where the pellets fall ♪

♪ You did it all ♪

♪ And did it your way ♪

Any last words, Frank?

- Top this, Farrit.

♪ You'll soon be dead ♪

♪ But you don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you'll be dead with a 40 share ♪

♪ You took the fall now ♪

♪ But what a haul now ♪

♪ And you got it all now ♪

♪ And it's all Musso ♪

- [Announcer] Everyone
must leave the chamber.

Clear all doors and evacuate the chamber

for your own safety now, now.

(ominous orchestral music)

(Frank cackles)

- [Frank] Yeah, if I had to
go, I was gonna go out my way,

with the highest grossing
pay-per-view special

in cable history, 20 million domestic,

exclusive of foreign and video rights.

(slow music)

As for my funeral, let's
say it opened soft.

You see, I made the mistake of dying

on the Labor Day weekend,
which is traditionally slow.

Hey, look who's here, Ziggy Brillman.

I take back everything
I ever said about him.

The man is a mensch.

- Barry, look around.

Hey, what do you see?

- [Barry] Nobody, Grandpa.

- Exactly, I just wanted to show you

what kind of a send off you get

when you're a no-good ganef
like Musso, all right?

- Okay.

- [Ziggy] Now, how about a
little nosh at Nate 'n Al's?

- [Barry] Okay.

- [Ziggy] But don't tell
Grandma, she'll hit me. (laughs)

- [Frank] Thanks a lot,
Ziggy, touching eulogy.

- [Ziggy] Bye, Musso.

- [Barry] Bye, Musso.

- [Frank] Wait, who's this?

Word of mouth must be building.

(car door slams)

Norma, she always looked
dynamite in black.

Either I'm excited or
it's the rigor mortis.

- Bye, Frank.

- [Frank] Bye, Norma,
we made a great team.

In case you're wondering, she
wised up and dumped Farrit,

married a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon.

Good for you, baby.

Oh, one more thing,

remember that 20 million
my execution grossed?

I found the little loophole in the law.

It seems that convicted
criminals can't profit

from their deeds, but
only while they're alive.

- Yeah, this is the place, all right.

Well, this is fun.

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
(Frank moans)

- [Frank] That felt good.

Yes, yes, who says you
can't take it with you?

♪ Hallelujah ♪

(jingle bells ringing)

(slow rock music)

- Look at me when I'm yelling at you,

and don't start that crying crap,

'cause it ain't gonna work this time

'cause I'm right and you're wrong.

You are totally fucking wrong.

Now me, I, the one who's
right, is gonna go get you,

the one who is abso-fucking-lutely
wrong, a box of tampons,

because that's the kind

of forgiving fucking human being I am.

So I'll tell you what, honey.

While I'm out in the middle

of the fucking night getting
you your goddamn tampons,

I want you to sit here and think

about how right I am
and how wrong you are.

So turn off the taps

and start thinking up a
goddamn good fucking apology,

do you understand me, little lady?

(slow rock music)

(gong rattles)

(door slams)

(slow rock music continues)

(car tires squealing)

My life's become one big fucking tampon.

(siren wails)

(slow rock music continues)

(Richard laughs)

Pick a lane, asshole! (laughs)

(slow rock music continues)

Get your tampons, I'll
get you fucking tampons.

Move the fuck out of the way.
(car horn honks)

Goddammit. (background
noise drowns out speaker)

(slow rock music continues)

(car horn honks)
(flames crackling)

(slow organ music)

(slow rock music)

Who the fuck gets buried at night?

Are you fucking Dracula?

Get the fuck out of
the way, motherfuckers!

- [Speaker] You're next, asshole.

(slow rock music continues)

- Where's the fucking tampons?

(slow elevator music)

I gotta come out in the middle

of the fucking night, move, lady,

I go through this every
fucking month (indistinct).

Unreal, you know what it is, no respect.

That's what it is, every
month, the same shit.

Get this pad, get that pad, then you get

to the fucking store, they hide it on you.

They want you to look like an asshole.

All right, well, where the
fuck are they, huh, huh?

Oh, here we go, here we go.

Let me see, douche, douche bag,

lemon fresh tampons, we got all kinds,

so we got the super slim,
we got every fucking thing,

I just need some fucking tampons!

Oh, all right.

"Guns N' Pussy," I've been
waiting for this issue.

(Richard crows)

Talk about your grassy knoll. (laughs)

- Hey, mister, what's so funny?

- Everything, Urkel, if you know how

to look at it the right way.

- What did I just tell you?

Get over here, now!

- Fight the power, kid.

- You got some kind of problem, mister?

- Sorry about your mom,
better luck next time.

- Fuck you!

(slow rock music)

- You wish, Whitney. (laughs)

Hey, nice time to be feeding your cat.

Kitty must be getting real fucking hungry.

Look at this, how would you like

to be eating at that time, huh?

You're writing a check
for three fucking dollars?

I gotta wait for you to write a check

for three fucking dollars?

- Driver's license.

- Driver's license,
don't you hear the man?

- Yes.

- Don't you understand this shit yet?

- I don't have it with me.

- Jesus fucking Christ, is this, like,

the first time you ever
been shopping, I mean, ever?

All right, I'll vouch for her,
she's from the neighborhood.

- No, no, no, I need driver's license-

- You need-

- Just forget it.
- You need speech lessons,

you dumb fuck, yeah, get the fuck,

yeah, how's your cat gonna feel now, eh?

What, are you gonna let
little Frisky starve?

- Fuck the cat, fuck you.

- Fuck me, fuck you.

- Fuck you.

- Fuck both of yous.

- Eat out of my butt,
you eat out of my butt.

- Eat out of his butt.

- Fuck you!

- Get the fuck out of here!

- Get the fuck out of here.

- [Richard] Do you believe that shit, eh?

- [Cashier] Oh, I cannot believe it.

- Gandhi, hey, Gandhi, you blew that sale,

you know that, don't you?

And what's with the size
of your head, Jesus Christ.

I mean it, you really
got a big fucking head.

(group laughs)

- My big fucking head.

- I mean, what fucking
size hat do you wear

on that fucking head?

I mean, if you're gonna get
involved in this business,

you gotta wear like that red top hat

with the dot in the middle
of your fucking forehead

with the drapery dress you people wear.

Hey, you gotta get this
shit together, okay?

- Anything else?

- Yeah, your mother.
(group laughs)

Hey, what language is that,
by the way, dumb fuck?

(group laughs)

Hey, homie, you get any closer,

you'd better be wearing
a latex condom, huh?

(guns clicking)

- Surprise, give me your fucking money.

(group laughs)

Give me the fucking money,
give me the fucking money.

(group laughs)

- Hey, nice hairdo, maybe afterwards,

we'll go to my house,
you'll sand some doors, huh?

- Shut the fuck up, motherfucker,

I'll blow your brain to spaghetti sauce.

- Back off, motherfucker!

- What are you, a fucking kamikaze?

You on a fucking mission?

- My chick's on the rag.

You think you scare me?

- Now give me the fucking money!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

why don't you take these with you?

You know, for the stolen car ride,

you'll have something to eat.

Yeah, yeah, I like them tattoos, too.

Why don't you make a
nice tattoo for "prick"

across your forehead, eh, you forgot that.

Why don't you do that, tough guy?

- You're fucking dead, motherfucker.

(gun fires)

(Richard groans)

- You fucked up my shirt,
now I'm really pissed off.

- You're pissed off, (indistinct).

(gun fires)

(Richard groans)

Yeah, right, fuck you.

- Hey, where you going, you
chicken shit motherfuckers?

Why don't you come back
and fight like the lowlife-

(guns firing)

- Hey, that motherfucker's hurting.

- Bye bye, have a nice day.

♪ In excelsis deo ♪

- Hey, Saddam, where in the
hell do you keep the body bags?

(cashier stammers)

You dumb fuck.

(bell tolls)
(dramatic orchestral music)

(wind whistles)

(dramatic orchestral music continues)

(bell tolls)

Hey, goombah.

- Huh?

- Has this line moved since you got here?

- Shh.
- Shh.

- What, do you got to take, like,

a ticket or a number
thing, like at the bakery?

- Shh.

- [Speaker] Who is that guy?

- Open up another window, I mean,

who do you have to fuck
around here to skip customs?

(thunder rumbles)

- Oh, my, this is. (faintly speaking)

(group chattering)

- Oh, by the way, copper,

I never paid my parking tickets. (laughs)

- Go no further, stop.

Oh, my.

- I just bought that issue, stupid ass.

- Hmm.

- [Richard] Oh, what do we got here?

- Are you Richard Spencer?

- No, I'm the fucking tooth fairy.

(thunder rumbles)

- Yes, Mr. Spencer,
through the allotted span

of your life on earth, our book shows

that you were on the whole a good man.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, all
right, what's your point?

- But Mr. Spencer, you
have with some constancy,

even as a young boy, displayed,

well, cultivated, if you
will, a bit of a temper.

- The fuck are you talking about?

Hey, with all due respect
to your ass-holiness,

with your big desk and
your major connections,

I'm getting a little
goddamn sick and tired

of always hearing about my problems!

- I'm not saying that.

- But before you go rushing to judgment

about my alleged anger, why
don't you do me a favor, huh?

Why don't you take your saintly head

and shove it up your saintly ass?

- Aloha.

(Richard cries out)

- This is the last time I
go out for fucking tampons.

Fuck you, too, Fu Manchu.

Hey, this must be my lucky day.

(demons growling)

You think that hurts after this?

- [Satan] Richard Spencer!

(slow dramatic music)

- Who the fuck wants to know?

- Your life has been
weighed and found wanting.

You are hereby condemned to
an eternity in Hell. (laughs)

(flames crackling)

(Richard claps)

- That's very good, and you
did that all by yourself.

Did you see that, everybody?

He did it all by himself, and
tomorrow we're gonna teach

you how to shit fire out of your asshole.

(Satan growls)

(Richard scoffs)

I got two words for you,
Lucy-fer, breath mints.

Talk about your halitosis, oh, whoa.

(Satan growls)

Get the fuck down, you jerk off.

You think that scares me, huh?

Trick or treat, trick or treat,

smell my feet, you dumb
fucking, scum sucking,

pathetic excuse for a motherfucking devil.

(wolf growls)

Look at that head, I never
seen a head that big.

That's the biggest
fucking head I ever seen.

I tell you straight out,
that's a big fucking head.

And look at your fucking kid's head.

His head's bigger than your fucking head.

(wolf whines)

You know what I think of you?

- Hmm?

- You're a jack off, that's what I think.

(Satan laughs)

You fucking jerk off, jerk off.

(Satan laughs)

Jerk off.

- Jerk this.

(Satan laughs)

Next?

(siren wails)

- And I saw the whole damn thing.

That crazy psycho motherfucker
was asking for it,

egging them on the whole time.

If you ask me, he's
better off dead. (screams)

- [Paramedic] Oh, shit, he's alive.

- Hey, Kevorkian, watch the
bumps, I got needles in my arms.

- [Paramedic] Get him inside, quick.

- Look, oh, well, it's about
time, you need a tampon,

here's your tampons.
- [Paramedic] Hey, hey, hey,

we need some help out here.

- [Richard] You'd better get me a nurse

with some big motherfucking titties.

What, did you assholes get fired

from the fucking Post Office?

- Ultra maxi large super absorbent?

This isn't what I asked for.

What does he think I am,

some kind of goddamn hemorrhaging horse?

It figures you can't do anything right,

you dick for brains sociopathic
motherfucking asshole!

As soon as you're out of here,

I'm gonna make your life a living hell.

You hear me, hell. (laughs)
(ominous orchestral music)

(Satan laughs)

(ominous orchestral music continues)

(slow rock music)

(person laughs)

(slow rock music continues)

(group chattering)

♪ Please allow me to introduce myself ♪

♪ I'm a man of wealth and taste ♪

♪ I've been around for
a long, long years ♪

♪ Stole million man's soul and faith ♪

♪ And I was 'round when Jesus Christ ♪

♪ Had his moment of doubt and pain ♪

♪ Made damn sure that Pilate ♪

♪ Washed his hands and sealed his fate ♪

♪ Pleased to meet you ♪

♪ Hope you guess my name ♪

♪ But what's puzzling you ♪

♪ Is the nature of my game ♪

♪ Just as every cop is a criminal ♪

♪ And all the sinners saints ♪

♪ As heads is tails ♪

♪ Just call me Lucifer ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm in need of some restraint ♪

♪ So if you meet me ♪

♪ Have some courtesy ♪

♪ Have some sympathy, and some taste ♪

♪ Use all your well-learned politesse ♪

♪ Or I'll lay your soul
to waste, mm, yeah ♪

♪ Pleased to meet you ♪

♪ Hope you guessed my name, yeah ♪

♪ But what's puzzling you ♪

♪ Is the nature of my
game, mean it, get down ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Get on down, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

(slow rock music)

♪ Money ♪

♪ Get away ♪

♪ You get a good job with
more pay and you're okay ♪

♪ Money ♪

♪ It's a gas ♪

♪ Grab that cash with both
hands and make a stash ♪

♪ New car, caviar, four star daydream ♪

♪ Think I'll buy me a football team ♪

♪ Money ♪

♪ Get back ♪

♪ I'm all right, jack, keep
your hands off of my stack ♪

♪ Money ♪

♪ It's a hit ♪

♪ Don't give me that do
goody good bullshit ♪

♪ I'm in the high-fidelity
first-class traveling set ♪

♪ And I think I need a Lear jet ♪

(slow rock music continues)

(slow rock music continues)