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1
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:08,936
Whoa!
2
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,136
That's 14 minutes till
your fucking bus, Reece.
3
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,936
Bang out of order!
4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,936
Four shouts water rule!
5
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,936
What if I stay in bed now?
What's the five shouts rule?
6
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,296
Fucking fire!
7
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,936
How am I supposed to go to school
if I don't even have my uniform?!
8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,936
I put it next to your
fucking bed, Reece!
9
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,936
Oh. Thanks, Mum.
10
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960
You're fucking welcome.
11
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,936
Go on. Oh, wait.
12
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,160
You forgot my kiss.
13
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,456
Hang on, what? We
don't even do that.
14
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,936
You were gonna though,
weren't you? Soft shite!
15
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,936
No, I weren't. You're off
you head, you, you know.
16
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,776
Come here. Mwah!
17
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:52,936
Have a good day. Love you.
18
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,800
Love you.
19
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,936
MUSIC: 'Don't Sweat The
Technique' by Eric B & Rakim.
20
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,640
Oh, my God.
21
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,480
What's that?
22
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:07,937
Morning, Pat, lad.
23
00:01:07,961 --> 00:01:09,800
♪ Don't sweat the technique
24
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,960
♪ Don't sweat the technique
25
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,936
♪ Let's trace the hints
And check the file
26
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,936
♪ Let see who bit
To detect the style
27
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,936
♪ I flip the script
So they can't get foul
28
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,936
♪ At least not now
It'll take a while
29
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,136
♪ I change the pace
To complete the beat
30
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,936
♪ I drop the bass
Till MCs get weak... ♪
31
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,960
Oh, there he is. Come on,
lad! What's happening?
32
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,160
See you soon.
33
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,936
CHEERING
34
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,936
♪ Mo Salah, Mo Salah
Made it on the bus. ♪
35
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,960
LAUGHTER
36
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,936
♪ MCs wanna beef
Then I play for keeps
37
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,936
♪ When they sweat
the technique. ♪
38
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,960
That's a tough one. Mm.
39
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:08,937
Mike Woodworth's.
40
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,936
Yeah, how'd you get that?
41
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,960
Kinda looks like him.
42
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,456
You got 12 out of
15, girl. Go 'ead.
43
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,936
What are you gonna do with them?
44
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,936
It's ammunition, innit?
If they ever wind me up,
45
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,936
then I'm putting their tiny
cocks on the Year 11 group chat.
46
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,936
But if I'm just starving,
47
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,936
like today, I actually
forgot to have my breakfast.
48
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,936
So I threatened Sevo
unless he got me these.
49
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,936
LAUGHTER
50
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:34,937
Lads are so thick. Hm.
51
00:02:34,961 --> 00:02:37,936
You ask, and they
send within seconds.
52
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,936
We could make our own
version of Guess Who?
53
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,936
Has your cock got FIFA
in the background?
54
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,456
Hmm, has your cock got a
wide base but a narrow head?
55
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,936
LAUGHTER
56
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,936
Hey, speaking of bell
ends, who's this?
57
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,936
Looks like he's
just tested positive
58
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,960
for defo getting his
head caved in today.
59
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,776
That's that posh
muppet from earlier.
60
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:05,960
Eh?
61
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,776
Dickhead.
62
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,136
Ooh! You're in trouble!
63
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,936
That was dead funny, yesterday.
64
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,936
Reckon she'll snitch, though?
65
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,936
Chinese people don't grass, lad.
It's not part of the culture.
66
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,936
What I really need to know, Reece,
is was it racially motivated?
67
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,936
YOU'RE racially motivated, lad.
68
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,936
The mouse was in Li
Wei's pencil case.
69
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,936
Li Hua is in 11E.
70
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,936
So let's say we forget about
all this expelling silliness,
71
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,296
and I'll say nothing to
no-one about you being.
72
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,936
WHISPERS: The top dog for the
Ku Klux Klan Woolton branch.
73
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,776
Sit down, Reece.
74
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,936
I get it. Practical
jokes can be funny.
75
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,936
A friend of mine found images of
me and his wife on my computer.
76
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,936
He was convinced
that they were real,
77
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,936
but they were just photo shops.
78
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,960
Very real-looking photo shops.
79
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:58,976
Anyway, Reece,
80
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,936
this has been a continual
pattern of poor behaviour,
81
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,456
and I can't ignore the complaints
of the East Asian Society.
82
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:05,936
You what?
83
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,616
She's not even Asian!
84
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,936
We cannot, and we
will not, stand by
85
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,936
while toxic western
men like Reece Duffy
86
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,936
exhibit abhorrent behaviour
aimed at our community.
87
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,776
SPEAKS MANDARIN
88
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,616
You gave me no choice, Reece.
I've already informed your mother.
89
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,936
'You're gonna
answer my FaceTime!
90
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,936
'Expelled?
91
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,936
'Are you fucking
serious, gobshite?!
92
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,960
'You know, I've always thought
I was doing a good job with you.
93
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,976
'I was determined I wasn't
gonna let you be affected
94
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,456
'by your dad not being
around, and with this,
95
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,120
'you're making me question whether
I've been a good mother at all.'
96
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,936
Isn't it funny how we're mates,
97
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,936
but if your mum would let
me bury my face in her arse,
98
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,936
I would without hesitation?
99
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:55,976
Isn't that weird?
100
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,936
I've never really
thought about it, mate.
101
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,936
Would we really not
be mates anymore?
102
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:00,936
We'd get through it.
103
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:01,937
I suppose, yeah, but...
104
00:05:01,961 --> 00:05:04,456
I doubt you'd ever come
round for tea again, though.
105
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,936
Nah. See, now, that's a problem,
106
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,936
cos your ma makes a
sick pork casserole.
107
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,800
Oh, I'm gonna have to rethink.
108
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,296
All right, Wigbert, lad. All
right, fucking Barnaby, lad.
109
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,936
Fucking Norman, lad.
110
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,936
Fucking Npeter with a
silent "N" at the start.
111
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,296
Let me guess, then.
112
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,936
What, your sisters
have hyphenated names
113
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,936
to try and sound posher?
Like Ruby-Mae or Louise-Rose?
114
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,136
Ted, how does he know
your little sister's name?
115
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,936
You'll get pasted, lad.
116
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,936
Wait, I need him.
Paste him later.
117
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,936
Agree to everything I
say to Mr Meacher. Yeah?
118
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,936
So, let me get this
straight, Reece.
119
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,936
You are offering to look
after Christopher here
120
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,936
as a kind of last chance saloon?
121
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,936
Well, I feel for him, being new.
122
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:54,976
Look at the state of him.
123
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,936
He looks so posh, like he
doesn't just play rugby,
124
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,936
but he plays it
with Prince William
125
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,936
constantly bumming
him around the pitch.
126
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,936
I know that I can't
do great things,
127
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,136
but I can do small things,
128
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,456
and if we all do small things,
129
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,936
then together we can
do a great thing,
130
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,960
like Uncle Dale,
131
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960
and turn it around.
132
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,616
OK, Reece, then report
back here on Friday at 9am.
133
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,936
If I'm happy and
Christopher's happy,
134
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,960
we'll discuss you staying here.
135
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,960
Close the door on the way out.
136
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:41,616
So, what did we think of
the character of Mr Darcy
137
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,936
at the beginning of the story?
138
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,936
Why are you worried about what
we think about Mr Darcy, sir,
139
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,936
when our Lizzie is
the sound one here
140
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:48,937
but nobody cares about her?
141
00:06:48,961 --> 00:06:50,936
Do you not care about women,
sir? Your wife left you
142
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,936
and now you hate women, sir?
I'm not married or have been.
143
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,936
You're about 40 and
never been married?
144
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:57,937
It's a bit dodgy, that, sir.
145
00:06:57,961 --> 00:07:00,296
Unless you think you're
too good for women, sir?
146
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,936
Think you're all that, do
you, sir? Like all men do.
147
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,936
LAUGHTER
148
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,936
Erm, Con, are you messing?
149
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:07,976
I tricked you into
sending me nudes
150
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,456
cos you thought I was
gonna send you one back.
151
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,936
Even after the 50th nude,
you still didn't click on.
152
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:13,937
Fifty, though?
153
00:07:13,961 --> 00:07:15,936
Did you not think
this ain't happening?
154
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,936
I thought a fresh angle
might win her over.
155
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,936
And Reece, you defo
think you're all that.
156
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,936
Didn't stop you from
kissing us, though.
157
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,936
I was drunk.
158
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,936
It was two years ago.
159
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,936
Paedo, then.
160
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:28,937
OK, that's... that's enough.
161
00:07:28,961 --> 00:07:31,960
So, Mr Darcy.
162
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,136
Nah, Mum.
163
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,936
Come on, I'll call social services
and tell them you're starving me.
164
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,936
I've already spoken to them.
I told them what you did.
165
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,936
They said to starve
the little fucker.
166
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,936
I've got a plan.
167
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,296
I've agreed with Meachie
to mentor this new kid.
168
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,936
Who the fuck are they
gonna let you mentor?
169
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,936
Him there.
170
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,936
What, him, the lanky one?
171
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,936
Hiya, excuse me, hi.
172
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:56,937
Yeah, you.
173
00:07:56,961 --> 00:07:58,936
Is our Reece mentoring you?
174
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,936
Er... er...
175
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,936
Oh, has he got a disability?
176
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,936
Is that why you've
gotta mentor him?
177
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,936
No, Mum.
178
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,936
Oi, hiya, yeah, hiya.
179
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,937
Are you depressed?!
180
00:08:10,961 --> 00:08:13,296
Is that why you're
sat on your own?
181
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,936
What's he going red for?
182
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,936
Oi, you wet fart! I
asked you a question!
183
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,936
LAUGHTER
184
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,936
Good luck with mentoring that
one. He's got no fucking manners.
185
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,960
Trust me, it's gonna work.
186
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,960
KNOCK AT WINDOW
187
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,960
HE MOUTHS
188
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,296
What the hell are
you doing here?
189
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,936
I don't need any
help settling in.
190
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,936
Christopher?
191
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,936
Some Viennetta, love. We don't
always slum it here, you know.
192
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,936
Oh, sorry, I didn't know you
were entertaining a guest.
193
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,960
I'll leave you two, to er,
get to know each other.
194
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,136
Why did you take your shirt off?
195
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,936
Christopher?
196
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,936
Would you like some juice?
197
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,936
Sorry, Pat, it's just
Chrissy keeps insisting
198
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,936
I'll be more comfortable
if I take my trousers off.
199
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,936
I don't get it. I'm not hot.
200
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,936
I didn't ask him
to... We're not...
201
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,936
Chrissy, it's OK.
Don't be embarrassed.
202
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:28,936
"The truth shall set
you free." The Bible.
203
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,936
You should say the
part of the Bible,
204
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,936
like "Matthew 8." Not
just... "The Bible."
205
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:33,937
That's a bit racist, that.
206
00:09:33,961 --> 00:09:35,936
Christopher. Sorry!
207
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:40,936
I'll go get you both some juice.
Give you more time to... you know.
208
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,936
CHRISTOPHER GROANS What
are you doing here, then?
209
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,616
Is that Secret Millionaire show
coming back for the posh kids?
210
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,936
Oh, well, if you must
know, my mum died
211
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,960
and now I have to live
here with my grandma.
212
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,936
Who calls them "grandma"?
213
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,160
"Ooh, Grandma, what
big ears you have."
214
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,936
Nah, but yeah, lad,
soz about your ma.
215
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,976
People always say they never
think it'll happen to you,
216
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,936
but I think you do know
it can happen to you.
217
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,936
But you can't live your
whole life being worried.
218
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,640
Do you know what I mean?
219
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,456
You need to get out of
this shitty room, lad.
220
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,936
I bet you haven't even
been to Sweet Corner
221
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,936
and smashed in the
pineapple and toffee cubes.
222
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,776
Are they a part of
your five a day?
223
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:27,936
What do you watch
on YouTube, lad?
224
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,936
Posh prick reacts to
crushed avocado on toast?
225
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:31,937
What do you watch, huh?
226
00:10:31,961 --> 00:10:34,616
Lazy chav reacts to lack
of life opportunities?
227
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,936
BOTH STRAINING AND GRUNTING
228
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,960
Just put it in there, Chrissy!
229
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,936
Hey, Reece.
230
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,936
Lad... just seen this new
caretaker outside, yeah?
231
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,936
And I know your ma says
your da done a runner,
232
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,936
but he's got a massive snoz
233
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,520
and he walks like
he's got a tiny cock.
234
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,936
You should ask him
for a DNA test.
235
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:02,937
Do you get it?
236
00:11:02,961 --> 00:11:04,936
LAUGHTER
237
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,936
He's a knob, that little...
238
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,936
He's got too much tos-testerone.
239
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,936
That's why he's
always kicking off,
240
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,296
and why he needs to have
a wank seven times a day.
241
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,936
You what?
242
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,936
He has to wank seven times
a day, just to function.
243
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,456
Seven?
244
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,936
And you know that gay lad in
the sixth form, what's his name?
245
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,456
Thomas. He told me
that Lewis was bragging
246
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,936
about Aimee giving
him her knickers
247
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,936
because he needed them for
his big lunchtime wank,
248
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,136
to get himself through the day.
249
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,616
HE GASPS
250
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,936
And there, lads, is
the drop-off in action.
251
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,776
Oh, my God!
252
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:39,936
Eee!
253
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,936
Vile.
254
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,936
I mean, it's good he's
having an open dialogue
255
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,936
about his sexual needs.
256
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,936
It's important we encourage
the greater communication.
257
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,936
But at the same time,
just stop wanking.
258
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,136
But that's why I like talking about
me head being in your ma's arse.
259
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,936
I'm all about open dialogue.
260
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:56,937
Lad, I honestly don't think
261
00:11:56,961 --> 00:11:58,936
your head's going anywhere
near his ma's arse.
262
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,936
All right, well,
I have a plan B.
263
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:01,937
Go 'ead.
264
00:12:01,961 --> 00:12:04,776
If I can't bury it in her
arse, I'll bury it in her tits.
265
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,936
You're bad.
266
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,960
BEEP
267
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,960
BEEP
268
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,960
HE SIGHS
269
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,936
LAUGHTER FROM OUTSIDE
270
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,936
REECE: Bow!
271
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,936
Oh, my God. What's
your pronouns, girl?
272
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,936
Oh, her pronouns are "as if",
"no chance" and "not interested".
273
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,936
And we'll tell her yours
274
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,936
"disgusting little
perverted rat".
275
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,936
They're conjunctions
and verbs, mate.
276
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,936
And you should respect
that I identify
277
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,936
as a disgusting
little perverted rat.
278
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,960
And the DLPR community
strives for equality.
279
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:58,960
Eurgh!
280
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,000
Another tough one? Hmm.
281
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,936
Adam Costello's. Yeah,
how'd you get that?
282
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,936
I'm good with
people's eyes, girl.
283
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,976
And there's something about
his that screams "vile racist".
284
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,960
Mm.
285
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,776
Must take you a while to,
like, go back and find them.
286
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,936
Oh, yeah. I mean, this one
was from when he was about 13.
287
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,616
I had to go back,
like, three years.
288
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,936
Do you know what? It
was worth it, though,
289
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,936
when I blackmailed him
into getting me these.
290
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,936
LAUGHTER, TEXT ALERT
291
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,936
Oh, Chantal's sent a new
dick pic in the group.
292
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,936
Let's see. I'm on form
today with my guesses, me.
293
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,936
Eee, that looks
like a traffic cone!
294
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,936
That's Lewis's.
295
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,936
The little rat! Aw, Aims.
296
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,936
I mean, maybe he could get it,
like, flattened out or something?
297
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,960
Traffic-cone-cock
cheating bastard.
298
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,936
So, yesterday's poetry homework.
299
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,960
Who wants to read theirs?
300
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,936
No.
301
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,936
Well, someone needs to reads
theirs so I'm doing my job.
302
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,936
New boy.
303
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,456
Er, I didn't know we
would read it out.
304
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,936
And I didn't know teaching
would be so damn tiring.
305
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,936
Read.
306
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,296
MO IMITATES FART, LAUGHTER
307
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,960
The sky is full of faces now.
308
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,936
Your face.
309
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,960
Laughing, crying, scared
310
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,936
happy.
311
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,960
The face I love and
miss the most...
312
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,936
Is he starting to cry?
313
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,936
But how do I say...
314
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,936
I wanna read mine, sir.
315
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,800
Er.
316
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:03,960
The Door.
317
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,960
The door.
318
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,936
Let me in.
319
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,936
Who's in there?
320
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,960
It's Brexit.
321
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,296
Was I right? Was I wrong?
322
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,960
Am I now forgotten?
323
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:26,960
Brexit, Brexit,
Universal Credit.
324
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,936
Don't get angry, get evil.
325
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:31,960
Cheers.
326
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,936
Go 'ead, lad. Heavy
poetry, that, you know.
327
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,936
OK, but where was the
imagery and alliteration
328
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,936
that was the point of the task?
329
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960
I don't know, sir. Brexit
took them. LAUGHTER.
330
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,776
Was that about your dog?
331
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,936
I lost my hamster,
Angelica, last year.
332
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,936
Dark times.
333
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,456
He's a vile creature,
anyway, that Mr Dunn.
334
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,296
He once made me read out
my essay about my dreams,
335
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,936
and well, my dream is to be the
first person from Merseyside
336
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,936
to win an Oscar since
Glenda Jackson in 1973.
337
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,776
And I swear, he
started laughing.
338
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,936
Well, remember that you're
the captain of your soul.
339
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,936
You what? It's a quote
from Nelson Mandela.
340
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,936
It means you're in the
driver's seat of your life.
341
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:17,937
Don't listen to others.
342
00:16:17,961 --> 00:16:19,960
Who's Nelson Mandela?
343
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,936
I'm only messing.
I know who he is.
344
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,936
I know you probably came
from some fancy school
345
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,616
with your whiteboards and that,
346
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,936
but we do get taught stuff
at this school too, you know.
347
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,937
Is that Uncle Ben,
the rice fella?
348
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:39,136
That's Nelson Mandela, the
first South African President,
349
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,936
beacon of social
justice and democracy.
350
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:42,937
Hey, they're my bird's.
351
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:44,776
He dismantled apartheid.
352
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:45,936
Not a clue.
353
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,936
Reece - toilet, now!
I need your help.
354
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,936
The memories of our kiss
come flooding back now, yeah?
355
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,936
Your foo-foo's hungry.
I've got the "Reece-ipe".
356
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:55,937
LAUGHTER
357
00:16:55,961 --> 00:16:57,800
Shut your gob, or
I'll change my mind.
358
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,960
Go 'ead, Reece! Go
and get her, lad!
359
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,936
Reece.
360
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:06,937
You went to Sweet Corner?
361
00:17:06,961 --> 00:17:08,936
Better than boss.
362
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,936
Life-changing.
363
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,960
In fact, you've changed my life.
364
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,456
I've been lonely here.
365
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,936
But you make me smile.
366
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,136
You give me hope.
367
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,776
Nobody's seen me
since I've been here.
368
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:27,936
But you, Reece... you see me.
369
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,936
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you off your head?
370
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,960
But I thought the stuff
in the bedroom was...?
371
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,976
LAUGHTER
372
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,960
Not bad, that, lad. Not bad.
373
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:52,960
Good, good.
374
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,960
OK.
375
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,936
HE GROANS
376
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,640
Ladies.
377
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,936
Are you looking for your mentor?
378
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,936
Reece Duffy?
379
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,936
The whole school heard
it in the canteen.
380
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,456
Oh, yeah - stupid, isn't
it? Him as my mentor?
381
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,936
No, no, I'm looking
for a book, actually.
382
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,936
It's called, erm,
Social Equality...
383
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,936
Social Equality: The Prospects
Of Tomorrow by Florian Schuppert?
384
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,936
Yeah, that's the one, Schuppert.
385
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,960
Hm.
386
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,936
Sorry, it turns out Reece Duffy
387
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,936
actually took that
book out yesterday.
388
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,936
Oh, damn it.
389
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,936
He's probably got the whole
political sociology section on hold.
390
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,136
THEY LAUGH
391
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,976
I heard him and his cronies,
saying things to you.
392
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,296
I mean, they're gonna
have to grow up one day.
393
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,936
Although, can you imagine
them having an actual job
394
00:18:58,960 --> 00:18:59,937
that contributes to society?
395
00:18:59,961 --> 00:19:01,296
Exactly.
396
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,936
A cleaning job, maybe. You
know his mum's a dinner lady?
397
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,936
It makes perfect sense.
What else would she do?
398
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,936
"Erm, please give
our Reece a job!"
399
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,936
"Yeah, he'll steal all your laptops,
but he's a good lad, honestly."
400
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,936
No, I didn't mean it like that.
401
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,456
My mum was a dinner lady.
402
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:22,480
Take your privileged white male
micro aggressive attitude elsewhere.
403
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,000
Schuppert would be disgusted.
404
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,960
KNOCKING
405
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,937
Yeah?
406
00:19:31,961 --> 00:19:33,936
Can I quickly use your bog, Pat?
407
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,936
I've come home for my
lunch and I forgot my key.
408
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,960
It's in there.
409
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,936
Yeah, very funny
(!) Let's bum, whoo!
410
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,936
Oh, Grandma, I'm bumming Reece
to death, because I'm so gay!
411
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:01,937
Ho-ho-ho (!)
412
00:20:01,961 --> 00:20:03,960
Grow up.
413
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:06,936
What the hell's that?
414
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,936
You're disgusting! What's
your problem? I thought...
415
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,936
You thought what? We were
gonna play PlayStation?
416
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,936
Suck each other's nutsacks?
417
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,936
You don't wanna be mates with me,
lad. My ma's only a dinner lady,
418
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,960
and who knows what job
I'll end up doing, eh?
419
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,936
VOICEMAIL ALERT
420
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,936
'Cheer up, mate.
421
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,936
'You're acting like
your mum's just died
422
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,936
'and someone's shat
on your bedroom floor.
423
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,936
'Seriously, I can see
why you need to leave.
424
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,936
'My mum says you can stay
with us as long as you want
425
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,616
'as long as we don't
stay up gaming all night.
426
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,936
'But I told her you're normally
dead within five minutes,
427
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,936
'so it'll be fine.
See you later, mate.'
428
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,800
BEEP
429
00:20:58,960 --> 00:20:59,976
I've waited long enough, Reece.
430
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,936
I'm afraid you're about to
be... Sorry I'm late, sir.
431
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:08,936
Now then, Christopher,
what I'd like to know is
432
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,960
has Reece helped you this week?
433
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,936
Not really.
434
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,936
He threatened to paste me.
435
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,936
He pretended to have sex with
me in front of my grandma
436
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,296
and he finished the week
with the piece de resistance
437
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,960
of defecating on
my bedroom floor.
438
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,936
But he only did that to me
because I did something to him
439
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,960
which was wrong, and I'm sorry.
440
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,936
He's actually been
trying to help.
441
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,616
Told me how I need to
get out of my room,
442
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,936
embrace my new life here.
443
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,960
But with what happened
to my mum, the motivation
444
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,960
it's hard.
445
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,936
Looks like you've
done well here.
446
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,936
Stay of execution.
447
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,936
Great work, Reece.
448
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,936
I mean, it won't bring his
mum back from the dead,
449
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,936
but it's a step in
the right direction.
450
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,936
Thanks, sir.
451
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,456
Close the door on the way out.
452
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,936
Mum, I'm staying. It worked!
453
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,936
'Oh, get in, son! I
knew you had it in you.
454
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,936
'Now, do me a favour, don't
mess the rest of the year up.
455
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,936
'Maybe that posh bell end
is having a good influence
456
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,936
'on you after all.'
457
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,936
Let's not get carried away, Mum.
458
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,960
Oh, what's for tea later?
459
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,936
Nice one.
460
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,936
Girls look hot in boxies.
461
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,960
Like, when you wear
a footie shirt.
462
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,960
I'm into it, me. Aw.
463
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,936
It's a shame these
aren't mine, then.
464
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,936
You what?
465
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,936
I've been looking for them.
I wore these last night.
466
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,936
Very hot night.
467
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,936
Let rip a fair few times, like,
468
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,936
but shame I ain't got a dad
to buy me a new pair, eh?
469
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,936
What do you do that for?
470
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,776
You deserve it.
471
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,936
I was only giving you the
knickers cos I felt sorry for you.
472
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,936
Why can't you use your imagination
to wank, like girls do?
473
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,976
Eh? What's wrong
with yo use all?
474
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,936
Why do yo use always need
something pervy to look at,
475
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:03,937
like knickers or nudes?
476
00:23:03,961 --> 00:23:07,616
And while I'm here, why
d'youse all love feet?
477
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,936
You freaks.
478
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,136
Feet-licker!
479
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,936
You're on one, you!
480
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,936
Yeah, I'm on one, because
I can't trust you.
481
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,936
I'm one on cos I'm
sick of being nice
482
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,296
and getting nothing back.
483
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,936
I'm fed up for not being me.
484
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,296
We're done!
485
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,960
Good for you, queen.
486
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,936
Because I'm the
captain of my soul.
487
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,960
Oh!
488
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,936
That's from him, that, innit?
489
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:32,937
That posh nonce!
490
00:23:32,961 --> 00:23:36,936
Talks like he's got Benedict
Cucumber up his arse!
491
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,936
Somebody needs another wank.
492
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,960
And you - argh! Oh, my God!
493
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,960
Lewis! Lewis!
494
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,936
You never learn, do you, Lewis?
495
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,936
Well, that's another suspension
with immediate effect.
496
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,936
LAUGHTER
497
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,936
♪ Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio. ♪
498
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:57,937
Listen
499
00:23:57,961 --> 00:24:00,936
you even speak to my
bird when I'm gone, lad,
500
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,960
and you're dead. Watch!
501
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,936
OK, fun's over. Go home.
502
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:08,960
Go on!
503
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,936
These boxers are a bit
tight, aren't they, lad?
504
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,936
I like my nut sack to
feel like it's being held.
505
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:19,937
Come 'ead.
506
00:24:19,961 --> 00:24:21,960
Ow!
507
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,936
'Roderick said you're
not coming back now.'
508
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,776
'Liverpool's grabbed him
by the bollocks already.'
509
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,936
I wouldn't go quite that
far. It's a... mum thing.
510
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,960
TEXT ALERT
511
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,936
'Relax, son.
512
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,480
'I've set this email for you
to receive after I've gone.
513
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,936
'But if I'm still alive and
still fighting this cancer prick,
514
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,936
'then yay to me.
515
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,936
'Although, then, this
would be kind of awkward,
516
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,936
'and you know how much
I hate awkwardness,
517
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,936
'so let's hope I'm gone.'
518
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:01,937
HE LAUGHS
519
00:25:01,961 --> 00:25:04,296
'I know you weren't keen on
living with your grandma.
520
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,936
'But you realise
what family means
521
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,936
'when you know you
won't be around forever.
522
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,936
'I still feel guilty for
moving away from your grandma
523
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,616
'all those years ago, and
this'll mean so much to her.
524
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,456
'It means so much to me.
525
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,960
'I wasn't there for your
grandma, but you can be.
526
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,960
'Keep doing me proud, son.
527
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,936
'I love you.'
528
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,800
HE SNIFFS
529
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,936
'Say no more. Mums are mums.'
530
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,936
'Yeah, big up to all
the mums out there.'
531
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,936
I'll fuck all your
mums, you little mings!
532
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,960
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