All language subtitles for Broadway Bound (1992)

Thomas wolf said you can't go home again

Thomas wolf said you can't go home again
but I guess Thomas wolf never lived in

but I guess Thomas wolf never lived in

but I guess Thomas wolf never lived in
Brighton Beach New York I'm not the

Brighton Beach New York I'm not the

Brighton Beach New York I'm not the
writer that Thomas wolf was but I would

writer that Thomas wolf was but I would

writer that Thomas wolf was but I would
have written you don't have to go home

have written you don't have to go home

have written you don't have to go home
again but if you want to find out who

again but if you want to find out who

again but if you want to find out who
you are you have to find out who you

you are you have to find out who you

you are you have to find out who you
[Music]

were

were
the winters were bitter cold two blocks

the winters were bitter cold two blocks

the winters were bitter cold two blocks
from the Atlantic Ocean in a house that

from the Atlantic Ocean in a house that

from the Atlantic Ocean in a house that
never had enough heat but at 22 you've

never had enough heat but at 22 you've

never had enough heat but at 22 you've
got your dreams to keep you warm my name

got your dreams to keep you warm my name

got your dreams to keep you warm my name
is Eugene Morris Jerome and this is my

is Eugene Morris Jerome and this is my

is Eugene Morris Jerome and this is my
[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]
[Music]

oh

oh
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
H where you

H where you

H where you
going no place for a

going no place for a

going no place for a
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
walk it's freezing are you crazy you're

walk it's freezing are you crazy you're

walk it's freezing are you crazy you're
just getting over the flu so I'm over it

just getting over the flu so I'm over it

just getting over the flu so I'm over it
what are you worried for where are you

what are you worried for where are you

what are you worried for where are you
going uh to the library I have nothing

going uh to the library I have nothing

going uh to the library I have nothing
to read it's 6:00 the library is

to read it's 6:00 the library is

to read it's 6:00 the library is
close Eugene has a million books

close Eugene has a million books

close Eugene has a million books
upstairs doesn't have a book about

upstairs doesn't have a book about

upstairs doesn't have a book about
trosky you just finished a book about

trosky you just finished a book about

trosky you just finished a book about
trosky one book doesn't cover trosky

trosky one book doesn't cover trosky

trosky one book doesn't cover trosky
what do you got in the

what do you got in the

what do you got in the
bag where in your hand that's where

bag where in your hand that's where

bag where in your hand that's where
nothing nothing it's it's garbage I I

nothing nothing it's it's garbage I I

nothing nothing it's it's garbage I I
was I was I I was going to throw it

was I was I I was going to throw it

was I was I I was going to throw it
away I'll throw it stop treating me like

away I'll throw it stop treating me like

away I'll throw it stop treating me like
a child I I'm your father I I I I'll do

a child I I'm your father I I I I'll do

a child I I'm your father I I I I'll do
what I want when I'm dead you can treat

what I want when I'm dead you can treat

what I want when I'm dead you can treat
me like a child there's something going

me like a child there's something going

me like a child there's something going
on here you want to go a walk at

on here you want to go a walk at

on here you want to go a walk at
6:00 if there's something in this bag

6:00 if there's something in this bag

6:00 if there's something in this bag
that's important you tell me and I'll

that's important you tell me and I'll

that's important you tell me and I'll
bring it there myself I I want some

bring it there myself I I want some

bring it there myself I I want some
respect get in here it's freezing out

respect get in here it's freezing out

respect get in here it's freezing out
there get

there get

there get
in

in

in
hurry no Katie don't what is

hurry no Katie don't what is

hurry no Katie don't what is
this is this your bed

this is this your bed

this is this your bed
sheet where are you taking it it's a

sheet where are you taking it it's a

sheet where are you taking it it's a
Chinese Laundry they never close I want

Chinese Laundry they never close I want

Chinese Laundry they never close I want
it back

it back

it back
please

please

please
you soiled your sheet you didn't want to

you soiled your sheet you didn't want to

you soiled your sheet you didn't want to
tell

tell

tell
me I've been washing your sheet since I

me I've been washing your sheet since I

me I've been washing your sheet since I
was 10 years old so you had an accident

was 10 years old so you had an accident

was 10 years old so you had an accident
it's all right Papa at nights I've had

it's all right Papa at nights I've had

it's all right Papa at nights I've had
accidents this is the first time in the

accidents this is the first time in the

accidents this is the first time in the
daytime so what else have I got to do

daytime so what else have I got to do

daytime so what else have I got to do
with my time take the coat off I don't

with my time take the coat off I don't

with my time take the coat off I don't
want to sick again not a word promise me

want to sick again not a word promise me

want to sick again not a word promise me
I I couldn't stay here if the boys knew

I I couldn't stay here if the boys knew

I I couldn't stay here if the boys knew
the boys who sees the boys I forgot what

the boys who sees the boys I forgot what

the boys who sees the boys I forgot what
they look like

I was rushing home to tell Mom the

I was rushing home to tell Mom the
biggest news of my

biggest news of my

biggest news of my
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
life

life

life
Mom Mom where are

Mom Mom where are

Mom Mom where are
you Mom don't yell in the living room

you Mom don't yell in the living room

you Mom don't yell in the living room
it's bad luck why you sitting in your

it's bad luck why you sitting in your

it's bad luck why you sitting in your
coat I was going out your mother had

coat I was going out your mother had

coat I was going out your mother had
changed my mind well you're better off

changed my mind well you're better off

changed my mind well you're better off
Grandpa it's 10 below zero I saw a man

Grandpa it's 10 below zero I saw a man

Grandpa it's 10 below zero I saw a man
kissing his wife in the corner they got

kissing his wife in the corner they got

kissing his wife in the corner they got
stuck together Mr Jacobs the tailor is

stuck together Mr Jacobs the tailor is

stuck together Mr Jacobs the tailor is
blowing hot Steam on

blowing hot Steam on

blowing hot Steam on
them two people got stuck it's a joke

them two people got stuck it's a joke

them two people got stuck it's a joke
grandpa that was a

grandpa that was a

grandpa that was a
joke what kind of a joke I made it up

joke what kind of a joke I made it up

joke what kind of a joke I made it up
it's not really a joke it's just funny

it's not really a joke it's just funny

it's not really a joke it's just funny
to who to me well if it was funny to you

to who to me well if it was funny to you

to who to me well if it was funny to you
what are you telling me for my

what are you telling me for my

what are you telling me for my
grandfather had totally no sense of

grandfather had totally no sense of

grandfather had totally no sense of
humor but everything he says I think is

humor but everything he says I think is

humor but everything he says I think is
funny except when he tries to be what

funny except when he tries to be what

funny except when he tries to be what
kind of an animal where's a zipper a

kind of an animal where's a zipper a

kind of an animal where's a zipper a
zipper I don't know what kind a

zipper I don't know what kind a

zipper I don't know what kind a
horsefly now that's a joke not two

horsefly now that's a joke not two

horsefly now that's a joke not two
people getting stuck together you

people getting stuck together you

people getting stuck together you
understand yes

understand yes

understand yes
Grandpa what kind of a Fisher hey hey

Grandpa what kind of a Fisher hey hey

Grandpa what kind of a Fisher hey hey
hey hey hey listen to

hey hey hey listen to

hey hey hey listen to
me what kind of a fish sings an opera a

me what kind of a fish sings an opera a

me what kind of a fish sings an opera a
fish who sings an opera yeah I give up a

fish who sings an opera yeah I give up a

fish who sings an opera yeah I give up a
halet a halet sings an

halet a halet sings an

halet a halet sings an
opera

opera

opera
I got it wrong I thought it was a Hal

I got it wrong I thought it was a Hal

I got it wrong I thought it was a Hal
but it doesn't sound

but it doesn't sound

but it doesn't sound
right Mom I have to talk to you what

right Mom I have to talk to you what

right Mom I have to talk to you what
eaten an apple before I make chocol

eaten an apple before I make chocol

eaten an apple before I make chocol
fooing it's not a fatal combination Mom

fooing it's not a fatal combination Mom

fooing it's not a fatal combination Mom
where's pop I have to talk to everybody

where's pop I have to talk to everybody

where's pop I have to talk to everybody
I don't think he'll be home for dinner

I don't think he'll be home for dinner

I don't think he'll be home for dinner
again that's twice this week so what'

again that's twice this week so what'

again that's twice this week so what'
you set his place for deal with him

you set his place for deal with him

you set his place for deal with him
that's what I set his place for does a

that's what I set his place for does a

that's what I set his place for does a
mackerel sound

mackerel sound

mackerel sound
right don't work on a grandpa it's

right don't work on a grandpa it's

right don't work on a grandpa it's
funnier the way it

is what's wrong with Mom did she and pop

is what's wrong with Mom did she and pop
have another fight none of my business

have another fight none of my business

have another fight none of my business
you know what's going on she talks to

you know what's going on she talks to

you know what's going on she talks to
you you can tell me she used to talk to

you you can tell me she used to talk to

you you can tell me she used to talk to
me doesn't talk to me anymore well she's

me doesn't talk to me anymore well she's

me doesn't talk to me anymore well she's
been snapping at everyone lately she was

been snapping at everyone lately she was

been snapping at everyone lately she was
always like that as a child she could

always like that as a child she could

always like that as a child she could
shut off for a

month I can't picture her as a girl what

month I can't picture her as a girl what
she really supposed to be such a good

she really supposed to be such a good

she really supposed to be such a good
dancer I only saw her dance

dancer I only saw her dance

dancer I only saw her dance
once I I didn't like to go to those

once I I didn't like to go to those

once I I didn't like to go to those
places she used to win cups at that

places she used to win cups at that

places she used to win cups at that
um that dance place the Primrose

um that dance place the Primrose

um that dance place the Primrose
Ballroom place near Long Beach the

Ballroom place near Long Beach the

Ballroom place near Long Beach the
Primrose Ballroom big dance place in

Primrose Ballroom big dance place in

Primrose Ballroom big dance place in
those days the Primrose Ballroom right

those days the Primrose Ballroom right

those days the Primrose Ballroom right
she once told me she danced with George

she once told me she danced with George

she once told me she danced with George
Raft she once dance with George Raft the

Raft she once dance with George Raft the

Raft she once dance with George Raft the
movie star only he wasn't a star then

movie star only he wasn't a star then

movie star only he wasn't a star then
just a greasy looking kid used to go

just a greasy looking kid used to go

just a greasy looking kid used to go
around the different ah used to go

around the different ah used to go

around the different ah used to go
around to the different ballrooms to

around to the different ballrooms to

around to the different ballrooms to
pick out the best

pick out the best

pick out the best
answer she's 15 16 years old then not

answer she's 15 16 years old then not

answer she's 15 16 years old then not
pretty she was never pretty but but she

pretty she was never pretty but but she

pretty she was never pretty but but she
she was graceful on her feet why didn't

she was graceful on her feet why didn't

she was graceful on her feet why didn't
she ever turn

she ever turn

she ever turn
professional she had the accident burned

professional she had the accident burned

professional she had the accident burned
half the skin off her

half the skin off her

half the skin off her
back 12 girls died in that fire the

back 12 girls died in that fire the

back 12 girls died in that fire the
owner of the shop went to jail no

owner of the shop went to jail no

owner of the shop went to jail no
ventilation no back door she couldn't

ventilation no back door she couldn't

ventilation no back door she couldn't
walk for a year never went down to the

walk for a year never went down to the

walk for a year never went down to the
beach again not with a back like

beach again not with a back like

beach again not with a back like
that her sister blanch was the beautiful

that her sister blanch was the beautiful

that her sister blanch was the beautiful
one boys used to line up outside the

one boys used to line up outside the

one boys used to line up outside the
door just to look at her but blanch

door just to look at her but blanch

door just to look at her but blanch
couldn't dance a note here's your

couldn't dance a note here's your

couldn't dance a note here's your
medicine where'd you go to look for my

medicine where'd you go to look for my

medicine where'd you go to look for my
medicine what are you two talking about

medicine what are you two talking about

medicine what are you two talking about
about when you used to dance with George

about when you used to dance with George

about when you used to dance with George
Raft oh you see Pop he still doesn't

Raft oh you see Pop he still doesn't

Raft oh you see Pop he still doesn't
believe me

believe me

believe me
your mother used to cook like that Ma

your mother used to cook like that Ma

your mother used to cook like that Ma
you know someday I'm going to write a

you know someday I'm going to write a

you know someday I'm going to write a
movie starring George Raft he goes into

movie starring George Raft he goes into

movie starring George Raft he goes into
this club pies your hand and dances a

this club pies your hand and dances a

this club pies your hand and dances a
Tango with you make it a fox Tru I did

Tango with you make it a fox Tru I did

Tango with you make it a fox Tru I did
the fox Tru better what what was the

the fox Tru better what what was the

the fox Tru better what what was the
name of that place where you danced the

name of that place where you danced the

name of that place where you danced the
primr is borom that was it the primr is

primr is borom that was it the primr is

primr is borom that was it the primr is
borom oh where's Stanley plat roast is

borom oh where's Stanley plat roast is

borom oh where's Stanley plat roast is
almost dry Mom listen I have to talk to

almost dry Mom listen I have to talk to

almost dry Mom listen I have to talk to
you I have spectacular news for this

you I have spectacular news for this

you I have spectacular news for this
family what family you see a family in

family what family you see a family in

family what family you see a family in
here would you just you sit down a

here would you just you sit down a

here would you just you sit down a
minute please I feel worse now from the

minute please I feel worse now from the

minute please I feel worse now from the
medicine Grandpa sit down

medicine Grandpa sit down

medicine Grandpa sit down
please a bass what a bass that that's

please a bass what a bass that that's

please a bass what a bass that that's
the name of the fish that sings an opera

the name of the fish that sings an opera

the name of the fish that sings an opera
Oh you mean a bass it's spelled b a s

Oh you mean a bass it's spelled b a s

Oh you mean a bass it's spelled b a s
what do you want to tell us okay you

what do you want to tell us okay you

what do you want to tell us okay you
ready I wish to announce that your

ready I wish to announce that your

ready I wish to announce that your
youngest son Eugene Morris donon is

youngest son Eugene Morris donon is

youngest son Eugene Morris donon is
getting

getting

getting
married you're not even going with

married you're not even going with

married you're not even going with
anyone I had lunch with her we even ate

anyone I had lunch with her we even ate

anyone I had lunch with her we even ate
from the same ChapSticks we talked about

from the same ChapSticks we talked about

from the same ChapSticks we talked about
philosophy literature Sports we're

philosophy literature Sports we're

philosophy literature Sports we're
perfect together I want to bring her to

perfect together I want to bring her to

perfect together I want to bring her to
dinner next week to meet the family it's

dinner next week to meet the family it's

dinner next week to meet the family it's
been a long time since his family ate

been a long time since his family ate

been a long time since his family ate
together on a Sunday everybody's home on

together on a Sunday everybody's home on

together on a Sunday everybody's home on
a Sunday oh we'll see who knows what'll

a Sunday oh we'll see who knows what'll

a Sunday oh we'll see who knows what'll
happen by Sunday put this in the laundry

happen by Sunday put this in the laundry

happen by Sunday put this in the laundry
for me I'm sure she's a very nice girl

for me I'm sure she's a very nice girl

for me I'm sure she's a very nice girl
but eat from your own

Chopsticks she never turned down a

Chopsticks she never turned down a
chance to cook for someone before what's

chance to cook for someone before what's

chance to cook for someone before what's
going on Grandpa

going on Grandpa

going on Grandpa
stop telling jokes and listen once in a

stop telling jokes and listen once in a

stop telling jokes and listen once in a
while you'll learn

something good evening Mr Mrs FY how are

something good evening Mr Mrs FY how are
you

sorry G are you up there Mom Grandpa

sorry G are you up there Mom Grandpa
where is everybody mom I have such good

where is everybody mom I have such good

where is everybody mom I have such good
news for you everybody's got good news

news for you everybody's got good news

news for you everybody's got good news
and I've got a dried up pot roast sit

and I've got a dried up pot roast sit

and I've got a dried up pot roast sit
down it's dinner we haven't got time M

down it's dinner we haven't got time M

down it's dinner we haven't got time M
we'll take a sandwich later Jee don't

we'll take a sandwich later Jee don't

we'll take a sandwich later Jee don't
don't yell in the kitchen it's bad luck

don't yell in the kitchen it's bad luck

don't yell in the kitchen it's bad luck
no it's not Jean what do you mean no

no it's not Jean what do you mean no

no it's not Jean what do you mean no
dinner we've got to get right to work

dinner we've got to get right to work

dinner we've got to get right to work
I've been cooking since 2:00 what am I a

I've been cooking since 2:00 what am I a

I've been cooking since 2:00 what am I a
slave here what's up sit down all of you

slave here what's up sit down all of you

slave here what's up sit down all of you
mom please we've got to get right to

mom please we've got to get right to

mom please we've got to get right to
work no calls for us take a message we

work no calls for us take a message we

work no calls for us take a message we
may be up all through the night come on

may be up all through the night come on

may be up all through the night come on
let's go we're wasting time what is it

let's go we're wasting time what is it

let's go we're wasting time what is it
another War you mind telling us what

another War you mind telling us what

another War you mind telling us what
this is about we got a job at CBS s the

this is about we got a job at CBS s the

this is about we got a job at CBS s the
columia broadcasting system what I can't

columia broadcasting system what I can't

columia broadcasting system what I can't
believe how much I did today I was

believe how much I did today I was

believe how much I did today I was
running all over town I met everybody I

running all over town I met everybody I

running all over town I met everybody I
was on the executive floor long hallway

was on the executive floor long hallway

was on the executive floor long hallway
pictures of every Star in the history of

pictures of every Star in the history of

pictures of every Star in the history of
CBS Jack Benny Arthur Godfrey Edward

CBS Jack Benny Arthur Godfrey Edward

CBS Jack Benny Arthur Godfrey Edward
aruro you met them no they pictures

aruro you met them no they pictures

aruro you met them no they pictures
there's too much to tell I'm excited I'm

there's too much to tell I'm excited I'm

there's too much to tell I'm excited I'm
still shaking come on we got work to do

still shaking come on we got work to do

still shaking come on we got work to do
I met a Burrows on the elevator a

I met a Burrows on the elevator a

I met a Burrows on the elevator a
Burrows the greatest rider in the

Burrows the greatest rider in the

Burrows the greatest rider in the
business tell me everything what kind of

business tell me everything what kind of

business tell me everything what kind of
job do we get when do we start how much

job do we get when do we start how much

job do we get when do we start how much
we get paid I didn't discuss details

we get paid I didn't discuss details

we get paid I didn't discuss details
they like the sketch we bring in then

they like the sketch we bring in then

they like the sketch we bring in then
they'll hire us if they like the sketch

they'll hire us if they like the sketch

they'll hire us if they like the sketch
then they'll hire us so it's not a job

then they'll hire us so it's not a job

then they'll hire us so it's not a job
it's an audition you made it sound like

it's an audition you made it sound like

it's an audition you made it sound like
we're leaving for Hollywood tomorrow we

we're leaving for Hollywood tomorrow we

we're leaving for Hollywood tomorrow we
discussed Hollywood I said we were

discussed Hollywood I said we were

discussed Hollywood I said we were
prepared to move on a minute's notice

prepared to move on a minute's notice

prepared to move on a minute's notice
CBS asked if we were willing to go to

CBS asked if we were willing to go to

CBS asked if we were willing to go to
Hollywood no I brought it up so they

Hollywood no I brought it up so they

Hollywood no I brought it up so they
would know how we felt Jean you have to

would know how we felt Jean you have to

would know how we felt Jean you have to
have confidence when you talk to these

have confidence when you talk to these

have confidence when you talk to these
people that's why I introduced myself to

people that's why I introduced myself to

people that's why I introduced myself to
a burrow you introduced yourself in the

a burrow you introduced yourself in the

a burrow you introduced yourself in the
elevator I said Mr burough the greatest

elevator I said Mr burough the greatest

elevator I said Mr burough the greatest
thing that could ever happen to me and

thing that could ever happen to me and

thing that could ever happen to me and
my life is to work as a riter on your

my life is to work as a riter on your

my life is to work as a riter on your
staff and he said good luck kid he got

staff and he said good luck kid he got

staff and he said good luck kid he got
off on the 12th

floor he just said good luck you made it

floor he just said good luck you made it
sound like you had lunch with him or

sound like you had lunch with him or

sound like you had lunch with him or
something did you talk to a Burrows

something did you talk to a Burrows

something did you talk to a Burrows
that's not exactly talking to a Burrows

that's not exactly talking to a Burrows

that's not exactly talking to a Burrows
that's like the pope waving to you at

that's like the pope waving to you at

that's like the pope waving to you at
the Vatican je would you stop wasting

the Vatican je would you stop wasting

the Vatican je would you stop wasting
time they want the sketch tomorrow

time they want the sketch tomorrow

time they want the sketch tomorrow
morning at 10:00 they want to finish

morning at 10:00 they want to finish

morning at 10:00 they want to finish
sketch by 10:00 in the morning yeah

sketch by 10:00 in the morning yeah

sketch by 10:00 in the morning yeah
that's how television Works they want it

that's how television Works they want it

that's how television Works they want it
good but they want it fast we never

good but they want it fast we never

good but they want it fast we never
wrote A Sketch in less than 3 weeks and

wrote A Sketch in less than 3 weeks and

wrote A Sketch in less than 3 weeks and
we only wrote One sketch and we never

we only wrote One sketch and we never

we only wrote One sketch and we never
even finished it maybe we're not ready

even finished it maybe we're not ready

even finished it maybe we're not ready
for CBS yet do you want me to call them

for CBS yet do you want me to call them

for CBS yet do you want me to call them
up and tell them that once that kind of

up and tell them that once that kind of

up and tell them that once that kind of
thing gets around you through at all the

thing gets around you through at all the

thing gets around you through at all the
networks you mean CBS is going to call

networks you mean CBS is going to call

networks you mean CBS is going to call
up ABC and NBC and tell them that two

up ABC and NBC and tell them that two

up ABC and NBC and tell them that two
kids auditioning from Brighton Beach

kids auditioning from Brighton Beach

kids auditioning from Brighton Beach
can't be depended

can't be depended

can't be depended
on

on

on
maybe do you want to take that

maybe do you want to take that

maybe do you want to take that
chance you actually believe that our

chance you actually believe that our

chance you actually believe that our
names are going to come up in a meeting

names are going to come up in a meeting

names are going to come up in a meeting
at ABC NBC and CBS we're not even

at ABC NBC and CBS we're not even

at ABC NBC and CBS we're not even
writers yet you sell boys clothing at

writers yet you sell boys clothing at

writers yet you sell boys clothing at
gimbals I work in a stock room our names

gimbals I work in a stock room our names

gimbals I work in a stock room our names
don't even come up where we work wish

don't even come up where we work wish

don't even come up where we work wish
you confidence if you don't have

you confidence if you don't have

you confidence if you don't have
confidence I'll always be in boy's

confidence I'll always be in boy's

confidence I'll always be in boy's
clothing and you'll always be in the

clothing and you'll always be in the

clothing and you'll always be in the
stock room why your career doesn't

stock room why your career doesn't

stock room why your career doesn't
depend on my confidence yes it does

depend on my confidence yes it does

depend on my confidence yes it does
we're a team I need you you need me you

we're a team I need you you need me you

we're a team I need you you need me you
have a great comic mind I'm one of the

have a great comic mind I'm one of the

have a great comic mind I'm one of the
best IDE man in the business who said we

best IDE man in the business who said we

best IDE man in the business who said we
sold three comedy monologues to a guy

sold three comedy monologues to a guy

sold three comedy monologues to a guy
who plays weddings and bar mitzvas

who plays weddings and bar mitzvas

who plays weddings and bar mitzvas
Jean I'm going to get us everything

Jean I'm going to get us everything

Jean I'm going to get us everything
we've ever dreamed of isn't this what we

we've ever dreamed of isn't this what we

we've ever dreamed of isn't this what we
talked about our whole lives now go get

talked about our whole lives now go get

talked about our whole lives now go get
some sandwiches I want to stop working

some sandwiches I want to stop working

some sandwiches I want to stop working
on some

ideas we make this sandwiches don't

ideas we make this sandwiches don't
touch that

[Music]

[Music]
[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
part

[Music]

[Music]
hello

hello

hello
Papa who's that blanch I I didn't hear

Papa who's that blanch I I didn't hear

Papa who's that blanch I I didn't hear
the limousine pull up it's not a

the limousine pull up it's not a

the limousine pull up it's not a
limousine po it's just a plain Cadillac

limousine po it's just a plain Cadillac

limousine po it's just a plain Cadillac
like John de Rockefeller is a plain

like John de Rockefeller is a plain

like John de Rockefeller is a plain
businessman blanch why did you tell me

businessman blanch why did you tell me

businessman blanch why did you tell me
you were coming I could have made extra

you were coming I could have made extra

you were coming I could have made extra
dinner why who's eating it besides me I

dinner why who's eating it besides me I

dinner why who's eating it besides me I
didn't come for dinner Kate I wanted to

didn't come for dinner Kate I wanted to

didn't come for dinner Kate I wanted to
talk to

talk to

talk to
Papa well you didn't have to come out in

Papa well you didn't have to come out in

Papa well you didn't have to come out in
this weather we have a phone now too you

this weather we have a phone now too you

this weather we have a phone now too you
know um hi ACH hi I'm having trouble

know um hi ACH hi I'm having trouble

know um hi ACH hi I'm having trouble
with the pot roast what' you do I didn't

with the pot roast what' you do I didn't

with the pot roast what' you do I didn't
slice it right I shredded it it looks

slice it right I shredded it it looks

slice it right I shredded it it looks
like shoelaces I told you to look let me

like shoelaces I told you to look let me

like shoelaces I told you to look let me
do it what do I bother cooking

do it what do I bother cooking

do it what do I bother cooking
for mama's sick Pop the doctor tells me

for mama's sick Pop the doctor tells me

for mama's sick Pop the doctor tells me
if I don't move her to Florida he can't

if I don't move her to Florida he can't

if I don't move her to Florida he can't
guarantee what'll happen I thought we

guarantee what'll happen I thought we

guarantee what'll happen I thought we
had a bargain not talking about mama is

had a bargain not talking about mama is

had a bargain not talking about mama is
not a bargain Papa it's a punishment and

not a bargain Papa it's a punishment and

not a bargain Papa it's a punishment and
I'm not leaving here tonight until we

I'm not leaving here tonight until we

I'm not leaving here tonight until we
talk about her who's stopping her take

talk about her who's stopping her take

talk about her who's stopping her take
her to Florida she'll outlive the palm

her to Florida she'll outlive the palm

her to Florida she'll outlive the palm
trees believe me do you know what she

trees believe me do you know what she

trees believe me do you know what she
says to me at night the very last thing

says to me at night the very last thing

says to me at night the very last thing
before she goes to bed she says to me

before she goes to bed she says to me

before she goes to bed she says to me
why does that man hate me so much what

why does that man hate me so much what

why does that man hate me so much what
do I answer her papa you don't because

do I answer her papa you don't because

do I answer her papa you don't because
she'll ask it again tomorrow her whole

she'll ask it again tomorrow her whole

she'll ask it again tomorrow her whole
life is built around why I hate her so

life is built around why I hate her so

life is built around why I hate her so
much she sits on park benches and asks

much she sits on park benches and asks

much she sits on park benches and asks
strange women why I hate her so much why

strange women why I hate her so much why

strange women why I hate her so much why
do

do

do
you who says I did she did I never said

you who says I did she did I never said

you who says I did she did I never said
it I have feelings for the woman I

it I have feelings for the woman I

it I have feelings for the woman I
always will have but I can't live her

always will have but I can't live her

always will have but I can't live her
kind of life she knows that I hope she

kind of life she knows that I hope she

kind of life she knows that I hope she
lives another 50 years wherever she

lives another 50 years wherever she

lives another 50 years wherever she
wants but these are my roots I live most

wants but these are my roots I live most

wants but these are my roots I live most
of my life here this is where I want to

die sit over sit over there don't touch

die sit over sit over there don't touch
my pot roast looks like it fell off a

truck it would make all of us so happy

truck it would make all of us so happy
to see the both of you living together

to see the both of you living together

to see the both of you living together
and comfort for the rest of your lives

and comfort for the rest of your lives

and comfort for the rest of your lives
Comfort doesn't make me happy I don't

Comfort doesn't make me happy I don't

Comfort doesn't make me happy I don't
need to live someplace where it's hot 12

need to live someplace where it's hot 12

need to live someplace where it's hot 12
months of the year April to October is

months of the year April to October is

months of the year April to October is
all the son God meant us to have to want

all the son God meant us to have to want

all the son God meant us to have to want
more is a crime against those who have

more is a crime against those who have

more is a crime against those who have
to do without read your TR don't make

to do without read your TR don't make

to do without read your TR don't make
this political Papa this is not

this political Papa this is not

this political Papa this is not
political everything is political the

political everything is political the

political everything is political the
shoes on my feet are political the bread

shoes on my feet are political the bread

shoes on my feet are political the bread
on my plate is political and that $3,000

on my plate is political and that $3,000

on my plate is political and that $3,000
code on your back is political Mama's

code on your back is political Mama's

code on your back is political Mama's
health is not political Mama's love for

health is not political Mama's love for

health is not political Mama's love for
you is not political when you can't find

you is not political when you can't find

you is not political when you can't find
a reasonable answer for something you

a reasonable answer for something you

a reasonable answer for something you
always turn to trosky for help you are

always turn to trosky for help you are

always turn to trosky for help you are
Ang Ry with me because I won't live in

Ang Ry with me because I won't live in

Ang Ry with me because I won't live in
your high class apartment house where a

your high class apartment house where a

your high class apartment house where a
month's rent would feed everybody on on

month's rent would feed everybody on on

month's rent would feed everybody on on
this block for a year because I won't go

this block for a year because I won't go

this block for a year because I won't go
to your fancy Park Avenue doctor tell me

to your fancy Park Avenue doctor tell me

to your fancy Park Avenue doctor tell me
how much money did he get for telling

how much money did he get for telling

how much money did he get for telling
your mother to move to Florida H I got

your mother to move to Florida H I got

your mother to move to Florida H I got
friends who would have told her to move

friends who would have told her to move

friends who would have told her to move
for

for

for
nothing why are you so angry with me

nothing why are you so angry with me

nothing why are you so angry with me
because you were brought up to despise

because you were brought up to despise

because you were brought up to despise
the rich I didn't marry Soul because he

the rich I didn't marry Soul because he

the rich I didn't marry Soul because he
was rich I'm so used to not spending

was rich I'm so used to not spending

was rich I'm so used to not spending
money he had to teach me how to do it

money he had to teach me how to do it

money he had to teach me how to do it
but if he is loving enough to offer my

but if he is loving enough to offer my

but if he is loving enough to offer my
parents the opportunity to live out

parents the opportunity to live out

parents the opportunity to live out
their lives without worrying for the

their lives without worrying for the

their lives without worrying for the
first time where the rent was coming

first time where the rent was coming

first time where the rent was coming
from what in God's name is wrong with it

from what in God's name is wrong with it

from what in God's name is wrong with it
I can't leave

I can't leave

I can't leave
here not

now not now then

now not now then
when are you so blinded by your own life

when are you so blinded by your own life

when are you so blinded by your own life
that you can't see what's happening to

that you can't see what's happening to

that you can't see what's happening to
your sisters

your sisters

your sisters
don't you know what's going on between

don't you know what's going on between

don't you know what's going on between
her and Jack he's getting ready to leave

her and Jack he's getting ready to leave

her and Jack he's getting ready to leave
her tomorrow next week next month who

her tomorrow next week next month who

her tomorrow next week next month who
knows he stays because he hasn't got the

knows he stays because he hasn't got the

knows he stays because he hasn't got the
courage to go yet but he's going trust

me I don't believe that not Jack not

me I don't believe that not Jack not
Jack she says a man gets older he

Jack she says a man gets older he

Jack she says a man gets older he
changes he suddenly realizes he's only

changes he suddenly realizes he's only

changes he suddenly realizes he's only
got a few years left to do what he

got a few years left to do what he

got a few years left to do what he
thought he had a lifetime Jack Loves

thought he had a lifetime Jack Loves

thought he had a lifetime Jack Loves
Kate he's always loved her exactly but

Kate he's always loved her exactly but

Kate he's always loved her exactly but
at 55 he can Overlook

at 55 he can Overlook

at 55 he can Overlook
it oh

it oh

it oh
God don't tell me

God don't tell me

God don't tell me
this this is the last thing I ever

this this is the last thing I ever

this this is the last thing I ever
expected to hear you understand now why

expected to hear you understand now why

expected to hear you understand now why
I can't leave this house Stanley and

I can't leave this house Stanley and

I can't leave this house Stanley and
Eugene are grown up they'll be gone soon

Eugene are grown up they'll be gone soon

Eugene are grown up they'll be gone soon
do you know what it'll be like for her

do you know what it'll be like for her

do you know what it'll be like for her
to be alone a woman who doesn't know a

to be alone a woman who doesn't know a

to be alone a woman who doesn't know a
thing in this world except how to serve

thing in this world except how to serve

thing in this world except how to serve
someone if she can't get someone dinner

someone if she can't get someone dinner

someone if she can't get someone dinner
her life is

her life is

her life is
over you go ahead take your mother to

over you go ahead take your mother to

over you go ahead take your mother to
Florida but as long as I'm alive I'll

Florida but as long as I'm alive I'll

Florida but as long as I'm alive I'll
eat in this

eat in this

eat in this
house you're didn't be ready in a second

house you're didn't be ready in a second

house you're didn't be ready in a second
Grandpa mom's sewing the pot Ros back

Grandpa mom's sewing the pot Ros back

Grandpa mom's sewing the pot Ros back
together I love

together I love

together I love
Kate but I got to take care of mama

Kate but I got to take care of mama

Kate but I got to take care of mama
first if I bring her down to Florida I

first if I bring her down to Florida I

first if I bring her down to Florida I
can only stay a few weeks she doesn't

can only stay a few weeks she doesn't

can only stay a few weeks she doesn't
know anyone down there stay with her

know anyone down there stay with her

know anyone down there stay with her
until the spring until April when did

until the spring until April when did

until the spring until April when did
your mother ever have trouble making

your mother ever have trouble making

your mother ever have trouble making
friends within two weeks down there

friends within two weeks down there

friends within two weeks down there
she'd be running for mayor if she gets

she'd be running for mayor if she gets

she'd be running for mayor if she gets
sick if she needs me I'll come to

sick if she needs me I'll come to

sick if she needs me I'll come to
her that's

her that's

her that's
it this discussion is

[Music]

[Music]
over why do you and I have so much

over why do you and I have so much

over why do you and I have so much
trouble understanding each other we

trouble understanding each other we

trouble understanding each other we
understand each other that's the

trouble sometimes Papa I don't think you

trouble sometimes Papa I don't think you
approve of

approve of

approve of
me sometimes I think you don't even like

me sometimes I think you don't even like

me sometimes I think you don't even like
me very much I love my daughters all the

me very much I love my daughters all the

me very much I love my daughters all the
same but the one who's in trouble is the

same but the one who's in trouble is the

same but the one who's in trouble is the
one that I help why am I the only one in

one that I help why am I the only one in

one that I help why am I the only one in
the family who wants to help Mama

the family who wants to help Mama

the family who wants to help Mama
because you're the only one who can

because you're the only one who can

because you're the only one who can
afford

afford

afford
it don't ask for too too much

it don't ask for too too much

it don't ask for too too much
blanch when you live on Park Avenue

blanch when you live on Park Avenue

blanch when you live on Park Avenue
sympathy doesn't come with

sympathy doesn't come with

sympathy doesn't come with
[Music]

it and blanch is here trying to get

it and blanch is here trying to get
Grandpa to move to Florida can't you

Grandpa to move to Florida can't you

Grandpa to move to Florida can't you
just see him swimming in his overcoat

just see him swimming in his overcoat

just see him swimming in his overcoat
and gashes you shut up I just had a

and gashes you shut up I just had a

and gashes you shut up I just had a
great idea what is it I don't know

great idea what is it I don't know

great idea what is it I don't know
you're knocked it out of my head maybe I

you're knocked it out of my head maybe I

you're knocked it out of my head maybe I
can knock it back in that you crazy you

can knock it back in that you crazy you

can knock it back in that you crazy you
think this is all funny you think this

think this is all funny you think this

think this is all funny you think this
is a joke yeah aren't we trying to be

is a joke yeah aren't we trying to be

is a joke yeah aren't we trying to be
funny and write jokes no not not jokes a

funny and write jokes no not not jokes a

funny and write jokes no not not jokes a
sketch with characters with an

sketch with characters with an

sketch with characters with an
idea you're purposely wasting time

idea you're purposely wasting time

idea you're purposely wasting time
you're sore you didn't get to meet a

you're sore you didn't get to meet a

you're sore you didn't get to meet a
burrow get out of here go to your room

burrow get out of here go to your room

burrow get out of here go to your room
I'm make it to Hollywood on my own you

I'm make it to Hollywood on my own you

I'm make it to Hollywood on my own you
hear me fine give me a call from your H

hear me fine give me a call from your H

hear me fine give me a call from your H
end old

sport I do want to write but I hate

sport I do want to write but I hate
writing with my brother your whole

writing with my brother your whole

writing with my brother your whole
relationship gets in the way can you

relationship gets in the way can you

relationship gets in the way can you
imagine Hamlet written by William and

imagine Hamlet written by William and

imagine Hamlet written by William and
Harvey Shakespeare

Come On Pop dinner's on the

Come On Pop dinner's on the
table you sure you can't stay blanch I

table you sure you can't stay blanch I

table you sure you can't stay blanch I
told Mama we'd start to pack tonight all

told Mama we'd start to pack tonight all

told Mama we'd start to pack tonight all
right I'll call her later Papa would you

right I'll call her later Papa would you

right I'll call her later Papa would you
call Mama tomorrow and just say hello

call Mama tomorrow and just say hello

call Mama tomorrow and just say hello
I've got a lot of meetings this week

I've got a lot of meetings this week

I've got a lot of meetings this week
he'll call if I find the time he'll

call I wish I could

call I wish I could
stay I wish we had more time to

stay I wish we had more time to

stay I wish we had more time to
talk I'll call you

tomorrow sometimes I miss this house so

tomorrow sometimes I miss this house so
much I miss how good we were to each

other

other
blanch I need to talk to you not on the

blanch I need to talk to you not on the

blanch I need to talk to you not on the
phone

phone

phone
papa oh my God is it a pain in the chest

papa oh my God is it a pain in the chest

papa oh my God is it a pain in the chest
where are you pills take your pills his

where are you pills take your pills his

where are you pills take your pills his
hands are cold his eyes all right TR try

hands are cold his eyes all right TR try

hands are cold his eyes all right TR try
to breathe slowly deep

to breathe slowly deep

to breathe slowly deep
breaths you want to lie

breaths you want to lie

breaths you want to lie
down I got dizzy for a

second I was hungry but if you you could

second I was hungry but if you you could
wait forever for something to eat around

wait forever for something to eat around

wait forever for something to eat around
here it's the climate two blocks from

here it's the climate two blocks from

here it's the climate two blocks from
the ocean in February how do you keep

the ocean in February how do you keep

the ocean in February how do you keep
the cold out of the house it's not the

the cold out of the house it's not the

the cold out of the house it's not the
cold it's not the climate it's it's

cold it's not the climate it's it's

cold it's not the climate it's it's
neres

neres

neres
that's what it is how do you know it's

that's what it is how do you know it's

that's what it is how do you know it's
not your heart haven't seen a doctor in

not your heart haven't seen a doctor in

not your heart haven't seen a doctor in
over a year heart attack God gives you

over a year heart attack God gives you

over a year heart attack God gives you
nerves you you you get from people who

nerves you you you get from people who

nerves you you you get from people who
worry about you too much is that meant

worry about you too much is that meant

worry about you too much is that meant
for me Papa it's meant for both of us

for me Papa it's meant for both of us

for me Papa it's meant for both of us
you learn not to pay attention he

you learn not to pay attention he

you learn not to pay attention he
doesn't mean it he can't stand the

doesn't mean it he can't stand the

doesn't mean it he can't stand the
winters here any more than mama can all

winters here any more than mama can all

winters here any more than mama can all
right blanch leave it alone for why is

right blanch leave it alone for why is

right blanch leave it alone for why is
it so hard for you to take anything from

it so hard for you to take anything from

it so hard for you to take anything from
me I'm afraid to kiss you when I see you

me I'm afraid to kiss you when I see you

me I'm afraid to kiss you when I see you
I know how uncomfortable it makes you

I know how uncomfortable it makes you

I know how uncomfortable it makes you
why is that Papa

why is that Papa

why is that Papa
you you ask too much of

me I am

me I am
not an affectionate

not an affectionate

not an affectionate
man I don't trust

man I don't trust

man I don't trust
affection sometimes people give it to

affection sometimes people give it to

affection sometimes people give it to
you instead of the

truth I

truth I
see and what's the truth about me Papa

see and what's the truth about me Papa

see and what's the truth about me Papa
have I betrayed you because the man I

have I betrayed you because the man I

have I betrayed you because the man I
married became wealthy that's enough

married became wealthy that's enough

married became wealthy that's enough
blanch everybody has said enough no let

blanch everybody has said enough no let

blanch everybody has said enough no let
her say what she wants she's a good girl

her say what she wants she's a good girl

her say what she wants she's a good girl
my BL only sometimes she forgets where

my BL only sometimes she forgets where

my BL only sometimes she forgets where
she came from is it cold outside blanch

she came from is it cold outside blanch

she came from is it cold outside blanch
You Bet Your Life it is

You Bet Your Life it is

You Bet Your Life it is
is it hard on on people who live out

is it hard on on people who live out

is it hard on on people who live out
here ask them they'll tell

here ask them they'll tell

here ask them they'll tell
you but they all can't escape

you but they all can't escape

you but they all can't escape
blanch they all don't get a ticket to

blanch they all don't get a ticket to

blanch they all don't get a ticket to
Miami and my sin is that I can afford to

Miami and my sin is that I can afford to

Miami and my sin is that I can afford to
buy you one there's no sin blanch you're

buy you one there's no sin blanch you're

buy you one there's no sin blanch you're
a generous woman even I can see

a generous woman even I can see

a generous woman even I can see
that I can't take care of all the people

that I can't take care of all the people

that I can't take care of all the people
out here

out here

out here
I didn't ask for all

I didn't ask for all

I didn't ask for all
this but I am not going to curse God

this but I am not going to curse God

this but I am not going to curse God
because he gave me a Kind and Generous

because he gave me a Kind and Generous

because he gave me a Kind and Generous
husband and yes a mink coat I didn't ask

husband and yes a mink coat I didn't ask

husband and yes a mink coat I didn't ask
for it some good it does me it keeps the

for it some good it does me it keeps the

for it some good it does me it keeps the
cold out but it also stops my father

cold out but it also stops my father

cold out but it also stops my father
from reaching out and holding

from reaching out and holding

from reaching out and holding
me I love you

me I love you

me I love you
Papa and I'll accept whatever affection

Papa and I'll accept whatever affection

Papa and I'll accept whatever affection
you can give

you can give

you can give
me but you're not going to stop me and

me but you're not going to stop me and

me but you're not going to stop me and
Mama from giving you hours we're women

Mama from giving you hours we're women

Mama from giving you hours we're women
we don't know any

better I'll talk to you

better I'll talk to you
[Music]

Kate there is so much material in this

Kate there is so much material in this
house I don't even have to become a

house I don't even have to become a

house I don't even have to become a
riter if I could only get enough people

riter if I could only get enough people

riter if I could only get enough people
to pay for seats in the living

room

room
let me ask you something oh God I hate

let me ask you something oh God I hate

let me ask you something oh God I hate
it when you say let me ask you something

it when you say let me ask you something

it when you say let me ask you something
let me ask you something are you serious

let me ask you something are you serious

let me ask you something are you serious
about writing or not yes if you're

about writing or not yes if you're

about writing or not yes if you're
serious I want to know how much just how

serious I want to know how much just how

serious I want to know how much just how
serious are you about writing this

serious are you about writing this

serious are you about writing this
much you don't give a damn about your

much you don't give a damn about your

much you don't give a damn about your
craft do you it's not a craft Stanley a

craft do you it's not a craft Stanley a

craft do you it's not a craft Stanley a
craft is Indian rug

craft is Indian rug

craft is Indian rug
weaving

weaving

weaving
listen I don't think we can work

listen I don't think we can work

listen I don't think we can work
together I'm getting older I don't have

together I'm getting older I don't have

together I'm getting older I don't have
any more time to waste I'll find

any more time to waste I'll find

any more time to waste I'll find
somebody

else how about a burl he's probably

else how about a burl he's probably
waiting for you on the elevator no

waiting for you on the elevator no

waiting for you on the elevator no
that's what I'm going to do I'm going to

that's what I'm going to do I'm going to

that's what I'm going to do I'm going to
find somebody else somebody who has a

find somebody else somebody who has a

find somebody else somebody who has a
bigger interest in his career than you

bigger interest in his career than you

bigger interest in his career than you
bigger than

this was it you wanted to tell blanch

this was it you wanted to tell blanch
that you won't tell me it's not about

that you won't tell me it's not about

that you won't tell me it's not about
you

you

you
PP it's about you it's about

me I know what we've been doing

me I know what we've been doing
wrong we should have been born rich

wrong we should have been born rich

wrong we should have been born rich
what's the essential ingredient in every

what's the essential ingredient in every

what's the essential ingredient in every
good comedy sketch we've ever seen I

good comedy sketch we've ever seen I

good comedy sketch we've ever seen I
don't know what don't say what so fast

don't know what don't say what so fast

don't know what don't say what so fast
think about

think about

think about
it I thought about it I don't know you

it I thought about it I don't know you

it I thought about it I don't know you
do know we have talked about it you're

do know we have talked about it you're

do know we have talked about it you're
not using your heads Stanley I use my

not using your heads Stanley I use my

not using your heads Stanley I use my
head my neck and my arms I'm telling you

head my neck and my arms I'm telling you

head my neck and my arms I'm telling you
I don't know the ingredient in every

I don't know the ingredient in every

I don't know the ingredient in every
good comedy sketch we've ever seen

is

is
conflict conflict remember remember the

conflict conflict remember remember the

conflict conflict remember remember the
night we talked about it yes when when

night we talked about it yes when when

night we talked about it yes when when
did we talk about it Tuesday September

did we talk about it Tuesday September

did we talk about it Tuesday September
7th 8:32 p.m. all right

7th 8:32 p.m. all right

7th 8:32 p.m. all right
now what is the other ingredient in

now what is the other ingredient in

now what is the other ingredient in
every good comedy sketch we've ever

every good comedy sketch we've ever

every good comedy sketch we've ever
seen I don't know you do know think what

seen I don't know you do know think what

seen I don't know you do know think what
is the ingredient salt pepper onions and

is the ingredient salt pepper onions and

is the ingredient salt pepper onions and
tobasco sauce I'm telling you I don't

tobasco sauce I'm telling you I don't

tobasco sauce I'm telling you I don't
know damn you you do know it starts with

know damn you you do know it starts with

know damn you you do know it starts with
a w with a w

a w with a w

a w with a w
w wanting to kill you you yes yes

w wanting to kill you you yes yes

w wanting to kill you you yes yes
wanting to kill you is the other

wanting to kill you is the other

wanting to kill you is the other
ingredient wanting anything in every

ingredient wanting anything in every

ingredient wanting anything in every
comedy even a drama somebody has to want

comedy even a drama somebody has to want

comedy even a drama somebody has to want
something and want it bad he wants money

something and want it bad he wants money

something and want it bad he wants money
he wants a girl he wants to get to

he wants a girl he wants to get to

he wants a girl he wants to get to
Philadelphia now when somebody tries to

Philadelphia now when somebody tries to

Philadelphia now when somebody tries to
stop him from getting the money or the

stop him from getting the money or the

stop him from getting the money or the
girl or getting to

girl or getting to

girl or getting to
Philadelphia that

Philadelphia that

Philadelphia that
is

conflict

conflict
now wanting

plus

plus
conflict

conflict

conflict
equals

equals

equals
what God please don't let me get this

what God please don't let me get this

what God please don't let me get this
wrong a job at CBA right how do you know

wrong a job at CBA right how do you know

wrong a job at CBA right how do you know
all this they watch all the comedy shows

all this they watch all the comedy shows

all this they watch all the comedy shows
I make notes I figure it out I think

I make notes I figure it out I think

I make notes I figure it out I think
scientifically so now that you know all

scientifically so now that you know all

scientifically so now that you know all
this you have an idea for a sketch no so

this you have an idea for a sketch no so

this you have an idea for a sketch no so
what are you driving me crazy with

what are you driving me crazy with

what are you driving me crazy with
ingredients for you know what you are

ingredients for you know what you are

ingredients for you know what you are
you are a naysayer you say n Nay Nay Nay

you are a naysayer you say n Nay Nay Nay

you are a naysayer you say n Nay Nay Nay
to everything you know that y y

to everything you know that y y

to everything you know that y y
y

y

y
hey I've got a headache I'm going to lie

hey I've got a headache I'm going to lie

hey I've got a headache I'm going to lie
down wake me before 9:00 I want to go to

down wake me before 9:00 I want to go to

down wake me before 9:00 I want to go to
sleep early

tonight why don't we just sell to CBS

tonight why don't we just sell to CBS
whatever he says would you

whatever he says would you

whatever he says would you
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
stoping

a

a
[Music]

I've got

I've got
it I've got an idea yeah what what what

it I've got an idea yeah what what what

it I've got an idea yeah what what what
what what is it it's just a germ of an

what what is it it's just a germ of an

what what is it it's just a germ of an
idea it's not a full-blown disease yet

idea it's not a full-blown disease yet

idea it's not a full-blown disease yet
well just tell it to me okay there's a

well just tell it to me okay there's a

well just tell it to me okay there's a
guy and a girl they're in bed together

guy and a girl they're in bed together

guy and a girl they're in bed together
who are they no one they're just a guy

who are they no one they're just a guy

who are they no one they're just a guy
and a girl I know but what does he do is

and a girl I know but what does he do is

and a girl I know but what does he do is
he a cop an insurance salesman Dr what

he a cop an insurance salesman Dr what

he a cop an insurance salesman Dr what
it doesn't matter details are always

it doesn't matter details are always

it doesn't matter details are always
better for a character if he's a cop

better for a character if he's a cop

better for a character if he's a cop
maybe there's some police jokes in it

maybe there's some police jokes in it

maybe there's some police jokes in it
okay he's a cop patrolman John J Mahoney

okay he's a cop patrolman John J Mahoney

okay he's a cop patrolman John J Mahoney
fourth precinct 27th District of

fourth precinct 27th District of

fourth precinct 27th District of
Manhattan his partner is veto manganes

Manhattan his partner is veto manganes

Manhattan his partner is veto manganes
all right all right all right some pain

all right all right all right some pain

all right all right all right some pain
in the butt go on okay so this cop is in

in the butt go on okay so this cop is in

in the butt go on okay so this cop is in
bed with a girl maybe they're married

bed with a girl maybe they're married

bed with a girl maybe they're married
maybe they're married they're married

maybe they're married they're married

maybe they're married they're married
they had a wonderful wedding 400 guests

they had a wonderful wedding 400 guests

they had a wonderful wedding 400 guests
catered by the Paramount caters said all

catered by the Paramount caters said all

catered by the Paramount caters said all
right go on do you see me

right go on do you see me

right go on do you see me
sleeping do you see me taking a nap you

sleeping do you see me taking a nap you

sleeping do you see me taking a nap you
see my my headache going away I'm sorry

see my my headache going away I'm sorry

see my my headache going away I'm sorry
gra we'll go

downstairs they're both in B she has a

downstairs they're both in B she has a
broken leg I like that he has chronic

broken leg I like that he has chronic

broken leg I like that he has chronic
back trouble even

back trouble even

back trouble even
better what time of year is it winter

better what time of year is it winter

better what time of year is it winter
spring summer fall what Winter 21° Winds

spring summer fall what Winter 21° Winds

spring summer fall what Winter 21° Winds
15 mph barometer fall did I ask you go

15 mph barometer fall did I ask you go

15 mph barometer fall did I ask you go
on can't you work in your room we're

on can't you work in your room we're

on can't you work in your room we're
keeping Grandpa up your father will be

keeping Grandpa up your father will be

keeping Grandpa up your father will be
home in a few minutes I want to talk to

home in a few minutes I want to talk to

home in a few minutes I want to talk to
him alone

him alone

him alone
all right come on we'll work in the

all right come on we'll work in the

all right come on we'll work in the
cellar it's freezing in the cellar we'll

cellar it's freezing in the cellar we'll

cellar it's freezing in the cellar we'll
set fire to our shoes will you stop

set fire to our shoes will you stop

set fire to our shoes will you stop
complaining all right so it's uh it's

complaining all right so it's uh it's

complaining all right so it's uh it's
winon and they're both in bed it's 2:00

winon and they're both in bed it's 2:00

winon and they're both in bed it's 2:00
a.m. the window is open and freezing in

a.m. the window is open and freezing in

a.m. the window is open and freezing in
the room she asks him to get up to close

the room she asks him to get up to close

the room she asks him to get up to close
the window so he rushes over in his

the window so he rushes over in his

the window so he rushes over in his
pajamas but the window is frozen so he

pajamas but the window is frozen so he

pajamas but the window is frozen so he
pushes down with all his might and slips

pushes down with all his might and slips

pushes down with all his might and slips
his disc he can't move she can't move

his disc he can't move she can't move

his disc he can't move she can't move
the window is still open they're both

the window is still open they're both

the window is still open they're both
freezing how did they close the window

freezing how did they close the window

freezing how did they close the window
how I don't know that's as far as I got

how I don't know that's as far as I got

how I don't know that's as far as I got
do you like

it I like some of

it I like some of
it I only told you some of it that's all

it I only told you some of it that's all

it I only told you some of it that's all
there is is some of it what part don't

there is is some of it what part don't

there is is some of it what part don't
you like the logic where's the logic

you like the logic where's the logic

you like the logic where's the logic
what logic why doesn't she call the

what logic why doesn't she call the

what logic why doesn't she call the
doctor he's not in he went to a Broadway

doctor he's not in he went to a Broadway

doctor he's not in he went to a Broadway
show at 2:00 in the morning

show at 2:00 in the morning

show at 2:00 in the morning
they stole his car in the parking lot

they stole his car in the parking lot

they stole his car in the parking lot
she could call another doctor they're at

she could call another doctor they're at

she could call another doctor they're at
a convention in

a convention in

a convention in
Cleveland every single doctor in in New

Cleveland every single doctor in in New

Cleveland every single doctor in in New
York she has frostbite on her fingers

York she has frostbite on her fingers

York she has frostbite on her fingers
she can't

she can't

she can't
dial too convenient it's just a comedy

dial too convenient it's just a comedy

dial too convenient it's just a comedy
sketch why does it have to be so logical

sketch why does it have to be so logical

sketch why does it have to be so logical
we're not drawing plans for the Suez

we're not drawing plans for the Suez

we're not drawing plans for the Suez
Canal yes we are it's not funny if it's

Canal yes we are it's not funny if it's

Canal yes we are it's not funny if it's
not believable Oh you mean the three

not believable Oh you mean the three

not believable Oh you mean the three
stes are believable MO is 55 years old

stes are believable MO is 55 years old

stes are believable MO is 55 years old
and sticks his fingers in his brother's

and sticks his fingers in his brother's

and sticks his fingers in his brother's
eyes the three stoes is that the kind of

eyes the three stoes is that the kind of

eyes the three stoes is that the kind of
Comedy you want to write that's for

Comedy you want to write that's for

Comedy you want to write that's for
morons really well the morons made it to

morons really well the morons made it to

morons really well the morons made it to
Hollywood and the Geniuses are becoming

Hollywood and the Geniuses are becoming

Hollywood and the Geniuses are becoming
icicles in a Brighton Beach

you're still

you're still
up I thought you might be hungry oh I

up I thought you might be hungry oh I

up I thought you might be hungry oh I
had dinner at work they had food sent

had dinner at work they had food sent

had dinner at work they had food sent
and we have to get the spring line up by

and we have to get the spring line up by

and we have to get the spring line up by
next

next

next
week I've got some tea heated up so with

week I've got some tea heated up so with

week I've got some tea heated up so with
me a few minutes let me take a shower

me a few minutes let me take a shower

me a few minutes let me take a shower
first I'm all sweaty from The Cutting

first I'm all sweaty from The Cutting

first I'm all sweaty from The Cutting
Room 33 years it's never bothered me

Room 33 years it's never bothered me

Room 33 years it's never bothered me
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
before how are the

before how are the

before how are the
boys haven't seen them all night they're

boys haven't seen them all night they're

boys haven't seen them all night they're
busy

busy

busy
riding Stanley thinks he may be able to

riding Stanley thinks he may be able to

riding Stanley thinks he may be able to
get something in television television

get something in television television

get something in television television
10 people in this country have a

10 people in this country have a

10 people in this country have a
television there's no money unless

television there's no money unless

television there's no money unless
there's volume if he gets a good job he

there's volume if he gets a good job he

there's volume if he gets a good job he
wants to quit gimbals yesterday he

wants to quit gimbals yesterday he

wants to quit gimbals yesterday he
looked for an apartment in the city he's

looked for an apartment in the city he's

looked for an apartment in the city he's
going to pay New York rent on a job with

going to pay New York rent on a job with

going to pay New York rent on a job with
no future he's got security at gimbals

no future he's got security at gimbals

no future he's got security at gimbals
for God's sake what do wether want of

for God's sake what do wether want of

for God's sake what do wether want of
them know about show business that's

them know about show business that's

them know about show business that's
what they want to do what you want to do

what they want to do what you want to do

what they want to do what you want to do
in making a living are two different

in making a living are two different

in making a living are two different
things you don't keep a roof over your

things you don't keep a roof over your

things you don't keep a roof over your
head doing what you want you do what you

head doing what you want you do what you

head doing what you want you do what you
have to do I'm not saying you're

have to do I'm not saying you're

have to do I'm not saying you're
wrong but if they don't try this now

wrong but if they don't try this now

wrong but if they don't try this now
when will they ever have the

when will they ever have the

when will they ever have the
chance chance at what who knows if they

chance chance at what who knows if they

chance chance at what who knows if they
have any Talent did you ever see

have any Talent did you ever see

have any Talent did you ever see
anything they wrote yeah they read me

anything they wrote yeah they read me

anything they wrote yeah they read me
something once they were upset because I

something once they were upset because I

something once they were upset because I
didn't laugh they didn't tell me it was

didn't laugh they didn't tell me it was

didn't laugh they didn't tell me it was
supposed to be

supposed to be

supposed to be
funny it's crazy it's not for them I'll

funny it's crazy it's not for them I'll

funny it's crazy it's not for them I'll
talk to Stanley tomorrow it's not your

talk to Stanley tomorrow it's not your

talk to Stanley tomorrow it's not your
decision Jack they're grown boys we

decision Jack they're grown boys we

decision Jack they're grown boys we
don't need their money it's only you me

don't need their money it's only you me

don't need their money it's only you me
and Papa now you think I don't know

and Papa now you think I don't know

and Papa now you think I don't know
what's on Stanley's mind actresses show

what's on Stanley's mind actresses show

what's on Stanley's mind actresses show
girls that's what he's after and for

girls that's what he's after and for

girls that's what he's after and for
that he'll give up Security in a

future not everyone's looking for the

future not everyone's looking for the
show Girls Jack is he afraid of a little

show Girls Jack is he afraid of a little

show Girls Jack is he afraid of a little
hard work of putting in regular hours

hard work of putting in regular hours

hard work of putting in regular hours
I've done it for a lifetime it hasn't

I've done it for a lifetime it hasn't

I've done it for a lifetime it hasn't
killed me no Jack it hasn't killed you

killed me no Jack it hasn't killed you

killed me no Jack it hasn't killed you
one thing I was always sorry about was

one thing I was always sorry about was

one thing I was always sorry about was
that you never did something with your

that you never did something with your

that you never did something with your
life that you enjoyed

life that you enjoyed

life that you enjoyed
more I don't understand you I've been a

more I don't understand you I've been a

more I don't understand you I've been a
cutter for 33 years why do you bring up

cutter for 33 years why do you bring up

cutter for 33 years why do you bring up
a thing like that for

now because you seem different to me

now because you seem different to me
now for the first time I see the

now for the first time I see the

now for the first time I see the
unhappiness in your

unhappiness in your

unhappiness in your
face you look older to me Jack I look

face you look older to me Jack I look

face you look older to me Jack I look
older because I'm

older because I'm

older because I'm
older that's not what I

older that's not what I

older that's not what I
see what I see is the disappointment in

see what I see is the disappointment in

see what I see is the disappointment in
your

eyes I'll shower and get a good night's

eyes I'll shower and get a good night's
sleep it'll be gone in the morning I

sleep it'll be gone in the morning I

sleep it'll be gone in the morning I
look every morning it's never

[Music]

[Music]
gone maybe it's me you're disappointed

gone maybe it's me you're disappointed

gone maybe it's me you're disappointed
with what are you talking about

with what are you talking about

with what are you talking about
I don't know what I'm talking about you

I don't know what I'm talking about you

I don't know what I'm talking about you
tell me Jack tell you what if you have

tell me Jack tell you what if you have

tell me Jack tell you what if you have
something on your mind then say

something on your mind then say

something on your mind then say
it I say what I'm thinking you're liable

it I say what I'm thinking you're liable

it I say what I'm thinking you're liable
to tell me what I don't want to

to tell me what I don't want to

to tell me what I don't want to
hear listen Kate I've had a long day I'm

hear listen Kate I've had a long day I'm

hear listen Kate I've had a long day I'm
tired whatever it is we'll talk about it

tired whatever it is we'll talk about it

tired whatever it is we'll talk about it
tomorrow I want to know what you're

tomorrow I want to know what you're

tomorrow I want to know what you're
planning to do I don't want to know who

planning to do I don't want to know who

planning to do I don't want to know who
she is or what she's like and I don't

she is or what she's like and I don't

she is or what she's like and I don't
want to hear any lies I just want

want to hear any lies I just want

want to hear any lies I just want
tonight to be the end of it and I'll

tonight to be the end of it and I'll

tonight to be the end of it and I'll
never talk about it again as God as my

never talk about it again as God as my

never talk about it again as God as my
judge you think I'm carrying on with

judge you think I'm carrying on with

judge you think I'm carrying on with
some woman where do you get such ideas

some woman where do you get such ideas

some woman where do you get such ideas
from two things a woman doesn't have to

from two things a woman doesn't have to

from two things a woman doesn't have to
be told when she's pregnant and when her

be told when she's pregnant and when her

be told when she's pregnant and when her
husband doesn't love her anymore maybe

husband doesn't love her anymore maybe

husband doesn't love her anymore maybe
we've had enough years of loving each

we've had enough years of loving each

we've had enough years of loving each
other but I will not live out the rest

other but I will not live out the rest

other but I will not live out the rest
of my life being humiliated who's been

of my life being humiliated who's been

of my life being humiliated who's been
talking to you what lying bastards tell

talking to you what lying bastards tell

talking to you what lying bastards tell
you such things nothing is going on

you such things nothing is going on

you such things nothing is going on
what's Happening to us when we can't

what's Happening to us when we can't

what's Happening to us when we can't
believe each other anymore maybe it's

believe each other anymore maybe it's

believe each other anymore maybe it's
the way you look at me when you say

the way you look at me when you say

the way you look at me when you say
you're telling me the truth there is no

you're telling me the truth there is no

you're telling me the truth there is no
other woman why not what

other woman why not what

other woman why not what
why not you're a healthy man you're

why not you're a healthy man you're

why not you're a healthy man you're
affectionate you're as normal as anyone

affectionate you're as normal as anyone

affectionate you're as normal as anyone
else we haven't been together as man and

else we haven't been together as man and

else we haven't been together as man and
wife since God knows when so if it isn't

wife since God knows when so if it isn't

wife since God knows when so if it isn't
me and you're swearing it's nobody else

me and you're swearing it's nobody else

me and you're swearing it's nobody else
I'm asking you why not Kate let's not

I'm asking you why not Kate let's not

I'm asking you why not Kate let's not
get into this I beg of you don't beg

get into this I beg of you don't beg

get into this I beg of you don't beg
me and don't tell me how trusting we

me and don't tell me how trusting we

me and don't tell me how trusting we
were we passed all that to up now

were we passed all that to up now

were we passed all that to up now
there's just you and me Jack and if I'm

there's just you and me Jack and if I'm

there's just you and me Jack and if I'm
not good enough for you anymore then

not good enough for you anymore then

not good enough for you anymore then
tell me and get out get out damn you I

tell me and get out get out damn you I

tell me and get out get out damn you I
will not be pointed at from Windows as I

will not be pointed at from Windows as I

will not be pointed at from Windows as I
walk down the street there's no other

walk down the street there's no other

walk down the street there's no other
woman I don't care stop it anyway look I

woman I don't care stop it anyway look I

woman I don't care stop it anyway look I
know I've changed I know I'm

know I've changed I know I'm

know I've changed I know I'm
Different I I've lost feeling for

Different I I've lost feeling for

Different I I've lost feeling for
everything I I get up in the morning I I

everything I I get up in the morning I I

everything I I get up in the morning I I
go to bed at night why do I do it I I

go to bed at night why do I do it I I

go to bed at night why do I do it I I
don't know my place

well there was a woman about a year ago

well there was a woman about a year ago
I met her in a restaurant on 7th Avenue

I met her in a restaurant on 7th Avenue

I met her in a restaurant on 7th Avenue
she worked in a bank a

she worked in a bank a

she worked in a bank a
widow not all that attractive but a

widow not all that attractive but a

widow not all that attractive but a
refined woman spoke very well better

refined woman spoke very well better

refined woman spoke very well better
educated than I

educated than I

educated than I
was it was a year ago Kate it it didn't

was it was a year ago Kate it it didn't

was it was a year ago Kate it it didn't
last very long I I never thought it

last very long I I never thought it

last very long I I never thought it
would and it's over

would and it's over

would and it's over
now if I hurt you and God knows you have

now if I hurt you and God knows you have

now if I hurt you and God knows you have
every right to be I I'm sorry I

every right to be I I'm sorry I

every right to be I I'm sorry I
apologize but I'll be truthful with you

apologize but I'll be truthful with you

apologize but I'll be truthful with you
I told you because I couldn't carry the

I told you because I couldn't carry the

I told you because I couldn't carry the
weight of all the guilt on my back

anymore how old a woman oh don't don't

anymore how old a woman oh don't don't
get into that KY look if you want to

get into that KY look if you want to

get into that KY look if you want to
have your anger throw something at me

have your anger throw something at me

have your anger throw something at me
but don't ask me questions about her I

but don't ask me questions about her I

but don't ask me questions about her I
mean just tell me how we can get through

mean just tell me how we can get through

mean just tell me how we can get through
this thing but who she is and what she

this thing but who she is and what she

this thing but who she is and what she
is isn't important

is isn't important

is isn't important
anymore how old a

anymore how old a

anymore how old a
woman God Almighty you won't be happy

woman God Almighty you won't be happy

woman God Almighty you won't be happy
until you dig into it will you 45 4 45 I

until you dig into it will you 45 4 45 I

until you dig into it will you 45 4 45 I
don't know I never asked

her what' you talk

her what' you talk
about

about

about
when that first day in the

when that first day in the

when that first day in the
restaurant I don't remember we just

restaurant I don't remember we just

restaurant I don't remember we just
talked must have been about something

talked must have been about something

talked must have been about something
the soup the chicken the fruit

the soup the chicken the fruit

the soup the chicken the fruit
cup how do these things get started

cup how do these things get started

cup how do these things get started
Jack I never heard one before I don't

Jack I never heard one before I don't

Jack I never heard one before I don't
know who you're trying to hurt more Kate

know who you're trying to hurt more Kate

know who you're trying to hurt more Kate
you or

you or

you or
me what you stay in the restaurant check

me what you stay in the restaurant check

me what you stay in the restaurant check
anything everything we talked about

anything everything we talked about

anything everything we talked about
politics about the weather about our

politics about the weather about our

politics about the weather about our
jobs our children why her after 33 years

jobs our children why her after 33 years

jobs our children why her after 33 years
of marriage why was she the one you

of marriage why was she the one you

of marriage why was she the one you
picked don't Kate Don't make me say nice

picked don't Kate Don't make me say nice

picked don't Kate Don't make me say nice
things about her I want to know why this

things about her I want to know why this

things about her I want to know why this
woman was the

woman was the

woman was the
one why this woman

one why this woman

one why this woman
because she had an interest in life

because she had an interest in life

because she had an interest in life
besides working in a bank or taking care

besides working in a bank or taking care

besides working in a bank or taking care
of her house she to her the world was

of her house she to her the world was

of her house she to her the world was
bigger than that she talked about about

bigger than that she talked about about

bigger than that she talked about about
books I never read about places I never

books I never read about places I never

books I never read about places I never
even knew

even knew

even knew
existed because she asked me questions

existed because she asked me questions

existed because she asked me questions
that I had to

that I had to

that I had to
answer now the things you're afraid to

answer now the things you're afraid to

answer now the things you're afraid to
hear I'm not going to tell you because

hear I'm not going to tell you because

hear I'm not going to tell you because
they're true but it didn't last as long

they're true but it didn't last as long

they're true but it didn't last as long
as you

as you

as you
think and I know just once was enough to

think and I know just once was enough to

think and I know just once was enough to
hurt but I never ate in that restaurant

hurt but I never ate in that restaurant

hurt but I never ate in that restaurant
again and I have never once seen her

again and I have never once seen her

again and I have never once seen her
again as God is my

again as God is my

again as God is my
judge This

judge This

judge This
Woman This refined educated

Woman This refined educated

Woman This refined educated
woman if I left you would you go to her

woman if I left you would you go to her

woman if I left you would you go to her
she wouldn't have me she's content with

she wouldn't have me she's content with

she wouldn't have me she's content with
her life the way it

her life the way it

her life the way it
is if she would have you would you go to

is if she would have you would you go to

is if she would have you would you go to
her no yeah why

her no yeah why

her no yeah why
not because I know where I

not because I know where I

not because I know where I
belong here is this where you belong

belong here is this where you belong

belong here is this where you belong
Jack in a house with a woman who hasn't

Jack in a house with a woman who hasn't

Jack in a house with a woman who hasn't
read the right books who never traveled

read the right books who never traveled

read the right books who never traveled
any further than the subway could take

any further than the subway could take

any further than the subway could take
her I take care of her house I raised a

her I take care of her house I raised a

her I take care of her house I raised a
family but I don't know questions to ask

family but I don't know questions to ask

family but I don't know questions to ask
you it'll make you feel things you never

you it'll make you feel things you never

you it'll make you feel things you never
felt before no

felt before no

felt before no
Jack I don't think this is where you

Jack I don't think this is where you

Jack I don't think this is where you
belong

belong

belong
anymore if I felt that I would have left

anymore if I felt that I would have left

anymore if I felt that I would have left
last

last

last
year you did leave you never moved out

year you did leave you never moved out

year you did leave you never moved out
but you left I'm not moving out Kate so

but you left I'm not moving out Kate so

but you left I'm not moving out Kate so
you stay with me because she won't have

you stay with me because she won't have

you stay with me because she won't have
you I got some bargain didn't I jack

you I got some bargain didn't I jack

you I got some bargain didn't I jack
so what do you want to do what do I want

so what do you want to do what do I want

so what do you want to do what do I want
to do is that how it works you have an

to do is that how it works you have an

to do is that how it works you have an
affair and I'm left with the choice of

affair and I'm left with the choice of

affair and I'm left with the choice of
forgetting about it or living alone the

forgetting about it or living alone the

forgetting about it or living alone the
rest of my

rest of my

rest of my
life boy it's so simple for you isn't

life boy it's so simple for you isn't

life boy it's so simple for you isn't
it oh I'm so angry I'm so hurt by your

it oh I'm so angry I'm so hurt by your

it oh I'm so angry I'm so hurt by your
selfishness you break what was good

selfishness you break what was good

selfishness you break what was good
between us and lead me to pick up the

between us and lead me to pick up the

between us and lead me to pick up the
pieces and still you continue to lie to

pieces and still you continue to lie to

pieces and still you continue to lie to
me I told you everything I knew about

me I told you everything I knew about

me I told you everything I knew about
that woman a year ago I got a phone call

that woman a year ago I got a phone call

that woman a year ago I got a phone call
call from a friend I won't even tell you

call from a friend I won't even tell you

call from a friend I won't even tell you
who what's going on with you and Jack

who what's going on with you and Jack

who what's going on with you and Jack
she said are you two still together

she said are you two still together

she said are you two still together
who's this woman he's having lunch with

who's this woman he's having lunch with

who's this woman he's having lunch with
every day she asks me I said did you see

every day she asks me I said did you see

every day she asks me I said did you see
them together she said no but I heard I

them together she said no but I heard I

them together she said no but I heard I
said don't believe what you hear believe

said don't believe what you hear believe

said don't believe what you hear believe
what you

what you

what you
see am I hung up on her did I do good

see am I hung up on her did I do good

see am I hung up on her did I do good
Jack did I defend my husband like a good

wife for a year I lived with that

wife for a year I lived with that
praying to God it wasn't true

praying to God it wasn't true

praying to God it wasn't true
and hoping that if it was it would go

and hoping that if it was it would go

and hoping that if it was it would go
away and God was good no more phone

away and God was good no more phone

away and God was good no more phone
calls no more stories about Jack and his

calls no more stories about Jack and his

calls no more stories about Jack and his
lunch

lunch

lunch
pot until this

morning guess who calls

morning guess who calls
me guess who Jack was having lunch with

me guess who Jack was having lunch with

me guess who Jack was having lunch with
in the same restaurant twice last

week last year's lies don't hold up this

week last year's lies don't hold up this
year

year

year
Jack this year you have to deal with

Jack this year you have to deal with

Jack this year you have to deal with
him it's true I saw her last week but

him it's true I saw her last week but

him it's true I saw her last week but
not because of what you're thinking when

not because of what you're thinking when

not because of what you're thinking when
did you become interested in what I'm

did you become interested in what I'm

did you become interested in what I'm
thinking sleep down here tonight anywh

thinking sleep down here tonight anywh

thinking sleep down here tonight anywh
you want but next to me she's just a

you want but next to me she's just a

you want but next to me she's just a
friend now Kate that's

friend now Kate that's

friend now Kate that's
all is that what you tell her I am just

all is that what you tell her I am just

all is that what you tell her I am just
a wife her son was killed in an

a wife her son was killed in an

a wife her son was killed in an
automobile accident so I meet her for

automobile accident so I meet her for

automobile accident so I meet her for
lunch and talk about anything else

lunch and talk about anything else

lunch and talk about anything else
except the accident

except the accident

except the accident
pres if you see her again you take your

pres if you see her again you take your

pres if you see her again you take your
things and move out of this

things and move out of this

things and move out of this
house I slept with her before and you

house I slept with her before and you

house I slept with her before and you
forgave me now I buy the woman lunch and

forgave me now I buy the woman lunch and

forgave me now I buy the woman lunch and
offer her compassion and for this you

offer her compassion and for this you

offer her compassion and for this you
want to end the marriage I didn't expect

want to end the marriage I didn't expect

want to end the marriage I didn't expect
to get through a lifetime without you

to get through a lifetime without you

to get through a lifetime without you
touching another

touching another

touching another
woman but having feelings for her is

woman but having feelings for her is

woman but having feelings for her is
something I can never

[Music]

[Music]
God answered our prayers and we wrote

God answered our prayers and we wrote

God answered our prayers and we wrote
the sketch that night and CBS bought it

the sketch that night and CBS bought it

the sketch that night and CBS bought it
they didn't think we were ready for

they didn't think we were ready for

they didn't think we were ready for
television yet but they put it on the

television yet but they put it on the

television yet but they put it on the
radio the night it went on I had the flu

radio the night it went on I had the flu

radio the night it went on I had the flu
and Stan had the

and Stan had the

and Stan had the
Willies what we were worried about was

Willies what we were worried about was

Willies what we were worried about was
not CBS but about what Mom Pop and

not CBS but about what Mom Pop and

not CBS but about what Mom Pop and
Grandpa would

Grandpa would

Grandpa would
think 9 minutes to 6 Pop's not home all

think 9 minutes to 6 Pop's not home all

think 9 minutes to 6 Pop's not home all
the nights in the world is late

the nights in the world is late

the nights in the world is late
what's the matter with the radio you

what's the matter with the radio you

what's the matter with the radio you
have to let it warm up first it never

have to let it warm up first it never

have to let it warm up first it never
takes this

takes this

takes this
long no no no it's

long no no no it's

long no no no it's
broken

broken

broken
see is that clear doesn't sound clear to

see is that clear doesn't sound clear to

see is that clear doesn't sound clear to
me I hear it fine it's all the ice on

me I hear it fine it's all the ice on

me I hear it fine it's all the ice on
the wires hate the winter Stanley you're

the wires hate the winter Stanley you're

the wires hate the winter Stanley you're
going to get an OAC you were never this

going to get an OAC you were never this

going to get an OAC you were never this
nervous of gimbals because no one tuned

nervous of gimbals because no one tuned

nervous of gimbals because no one tuned
in to listen to me selling boys

in to listen to me selling boys

in to listen to me selling boys
clothing what are you doing no

clothing what are you doing no

clothing what are you doing no
fruit no nuts no food mom why not you

fruit no nuts no food mom why not you

fruit no nuts no food mom why not you
want a room full of people cracking

want a room full of people cracking

want a room full of people cracking
walnuts they'll never hear the show oh

walnuts they'll never hear the show oh

walnuts they'll never hear the show oh
they can eat fruit bananas and oranges

they can eat fruit bananas and oranges

they can eat fruit bananas and oranges
don't make noise

don't make noise

don't make noise
[Music]

Stanley where's grandpa I don't know

Stanley where's grandpa I don't know
what to do about Eugene I don't think he

what to do about Eugene I don't think he

what to do about Eugene I don't think he
should come downstairs with the flu he'd

should come downstairs with the flu he'd

should come downstairs with the flu he'd
be down here with Leprosy we'd pile up

be down here with Leprosy we'd pile up

be down here with Leprosy we'd pile up
the pieces and put it in a chair next to

the pieces and put it in a chair next to

the pieces and put it in a chair next to
the radio you think he's going to miss

the radio you think he's going to miss

the radio you think he's going to miss
this Grandpa you

this Grandpa you

this Grandpa you
up let's go we're on the

up let's go we're on the

up let's go we're on the
air we're on the

air this is it come on Pop's not home

air this is it come on Pop's not home
yet he's not okay Grandpa let's go Jean

yet he's not okay Grandpa let's go Jean

yet he's not okay Grandpa let's go Jean
and I are about to become

and I are about to become

and I are about to become
capitalists I got time to go to the

capitalists I got time to go to the

capitalists I got time to go to the
bathroom no no we're on in 3 minutes you

bathroom no no we're on in 3 minutes you

bathroom no no we're on in 3 minutes you
you got today paper the paper we won't

you got today paper the paper we won't

you got today paper the paper we won't
hear from you till Tuesday didn't I just

hear from you till Tuesday didn't I just

hear from you till Tuesday didn't I just
hear you in the bathroom a few minutes

hear you in the bathroom a few minutes

hear you in the bathroom a few minutes
ago

ago

ago
Gramps is that me you're right forget it

Gramps is that me you're right forget it

Gramps is that me you're right forget it
I don't I don't have to

go some audience we've got a mother who

go some audience we've got a mother who
doesn't talk to a father who isn't even

doesn't talk to a father who isn't even

doesn't talk to a father who isn't even
home yet and a grandfather who hasn't

home yet and a grandfather who hasn't

home yet and a grandfather who hasn't
laughed since the stock market

laughed since the stock market

laughed since the stock market
crashed my hair hurts my pajamas hurt

crashed my hair hurts my pajamas hurt

crashed my hair hurts my pajamas hurt
you got to

you got to

you got to
102 why did they waste years developing

102 why did they waste years developing

102 why did they waste years developing
the thermometer you can make a fortune

the thermometer you can make a fortune

the thermometer you can make a fortune
just feeling heads in hospitals not

just feeling heads in hospitals not

just feeling heads in hospitals not
there I got sick because I took my

there I got sick because I took my

there I got sick because I took my
girlfriend jod skating in Rockefeller

girlfriend jod skating in Rockefeller

girlfriend jod skating in Rockefeller
Center and came home with 103 fever

Center and came home with 103 fever

Center and came home with 103 fever
Jewish guys are never good at sports

Jewish guys are never good at sports

Jewish guys are never good at sports
play between November and 8

play between November and 8

play between November and 8
Grandpa

Grandpa

Grandpa
please

okay

okay
so what kind of a story is this it's not

so what kind of a story is this it's not

so what kind of a story is this it's not
a story it's a variety show it's music

a story it's a variety show it's music

a story it's a variety show it's music
music and sketches and monologues why

music and sketches and monologues why

music and sketches and monologues why
because they have nothing to say it's

because they have nothing to say it's

because they have nothing to say it's
not supposed to say anything there's

not supposed to say anything there's

not supposed to say anything there's
nothing to say with three quarters of

nothing to say with three quarters of

nothing to say with three quarters of
the world in economic slavery they don't

the world in economic slavery they don't

the world in economic slavery they don't
want sketches on economic slavery

want sketches on economic slavery

want sketches on economic slavery
Grandpa they're looking for Laughs not

Grandpa they're looking for Laughs not

Grandpa they're looking for Laughs not
an uprising it's all right we can all

an uprising it's all right we can all

an uprising it's all right we can all
use a good laugh these days jeez it's

use a good laugh these days jeez it's

use a good laugh these days jeez it's
almost on him he's not home how about

almost on him he's not home how about

almost on him he's not home how about
some grapes Stanley you can suck on

some grapes Stanley you can suck on

some grapes Stanley you can suck on
grapes nobody wants anything my ears are

grapes nobody wants anything my ears are

grapes nobody wants anything my ears are
closing up I hope I can

closing up I hope I can

closing up I hope I can
hear and blanch has all her friends

hear and blanch has all her friends

hear and blanch has all her friends
listening Grandma's told everyone in

listening Grandma's told everyone in

listening Grandma's told everyone in
Miami all of Brighton Beach is tuned in

Miami all of Brighton Beach is tuned in

Miami all of Brighton Beach is tuned in
New York City please God don't let us be

New York City please God don't let us be

New York City please God don't let us be
humiliated sh sh sh Here It Comes This

humiliated sh sh sh Here It Comes This

humiliated sh sh sh Here It Comes This
Is it good luck St this is the beginning

Is it good luck St this is the beginning

Is it good luck St this is the beginning
kid Grace John duner Don Paloma Sarah

kid Grace John duner Don Paloma Sarah

kid Grace John duner Don Paloma Sarah
McLaren dick Ambrose Andor Orchestra

McLaren dick Ambrose Andor Orchestra

McLaren dick Ambrose Andor Orchestra
star Papito the only Spanish-speaking

star Papito the only Spanish-speaking

star Papito the only Spanish-speaking
dog in the englishspeaking

dog in the englishspeaking

dog in the englishspeaking
world they have a Spanish speaking dog

world they have a Spanish speaking dog

world they have a Spanish speaking dog
will you hear him he's hysterical he

will you hear him he's hysterical he

will you hear him he's hysterical he
could bar CC whatever you ask him he

could bar CC whatever you ask him he

could bar CC whatever you ask him he
says c c why didn't they say your name

says c c why didn't they say your name

says c c why didn't they say your name
at the end of the program Mr CH wat get

at the end of the program Mr CH wat get

at the end of the program Mr CH wat get
your head away from there Stanley you go

your head away from there Stanley you go

your head away from there Stanley you go
deaf well thank you thank you thank you

deaf well thank you thank you thank you

deaf well thank you thank you thank you
ladies and gentlemen I'm kind of nervous

ladies and gentlemen I'm kind of nervous

ladies and gentlemen I'm kind of nervous
this being my first big- time New York

this being my first big- time New York

this being my first big- time New York
program I'm from Decor Illinois and

program I'm from Decor Illinois and

program I'm from Decor Illinois and
decor's kind of a small town some guys

decor's kind of a small town some guys

decor's kind of a small town some guys
drove through town and threw a snowball

drove through town and threw a snowball

drove through town and threw a snowball
at us and we were shoveling get out for

at us and we were shoveling get out for

at us and we were shoveling get out for
a week did that really happen no it's

a week did that really happen no it's

a week did that really happen no it's
just a joke only in America this man

just a joke only in America this man

just a joke only in America this man
makes a living the average family in

makes a living the average family in

makes a living the average family in
Decor has about two and a half children

Decor has about two and a half children

Decor has about two and a half children
most families prefer to have two girls

most families prefer to have two girls

most families prefer to have two girls
and half a boy the reason being that

and half a boy the reason being that

and half a boy the reason being that
with a half a girl you still got to buy

with a half a girl you still got to buy

with a half a girl you still got to buy
the whole dress but with a half a boy

the whole dress but with a half a boy

the whole dress but with a half a boy
you only got to buy the

you only got to buy the

you only got to buy the
pants great I'll be right back when I

pants great I'll be right back when I

pants great I'll be right back when I
make my first tour through New York York

make my first tour through New York York

make my first tour through New York York
City that's o is next family of con is

City that's o is next family of con is

City that's o is next family of con is
po York pop you just made it you're just

po York pop you just made it you're just

po York pop you just made it you're just
in time o sket is next come on I'm sorry

in time o sket is next come on I'm sorry

in time o sket is next come on I'm sorry
I'm late I couldn't help it that's all

I'm late I couldn't help it that's all

I'm late I couldn't help it that's all
right pop you timed it right on the

right pop you timed it right on the

right pop you timed it right on the
button sit here pop next to the

button sit here pop next to the

button sit here pop next to the
c three trains were frozen to the tracks

c three trains were frozen to the tracks

c three trains were frozen to the tracks
it's some mess out there the comedian's

it's some mess out there the comedian's

it's some mess out there the comedian's
name is Chubby Waters he's about to

name is Chubby Waters he's about to

name is Chubby Waters he's about to
visit the Pitkin family from Cony Island

visit the Pitkin family from Cony Island

visit the Pitkin family from Cony Island
that's ours does he want any

that's ours does he want any

that's ours does he want any
tea tell her no thanks being half a

tea tell her no thanks being half a

tea tell her no thanks being half a
person Mr Charles chubby w walks under

person Mr Charles chubby w walks under

person Mr Charles chubby w walks under
the Turn Style and rides out to Coney

the Turn Style and rides out to Coney

the Turn Style and rides out to Coney
Island he gets off and rings the bell of

Island he gets off and rings the bell of

Island he gets off and rings the bell of
Mr and Mrs Morris

Mr and Mrs Morris

Mr and Mrs Morris
Pitkin that sound effect

Pitkin that sound effect

Pitkin that sound effect
face yeah how do you do my name is

face yeah how do you do my name is

face yeah how do you do my name is
Chubby Waters may I ask have you ever

Chubby Waters may I ask have you ever

Chubby Waters may I ask have you ever
heard of me not that I heard

heard of me not that I heard

heard of me not that I heard
of well I'm a radio comedian and I'm

of well I'm a radio comedian and I'm

of well I'm a radio comedian and I'm
trying to familiarize myself with New

trying to familiarize myself with New

trying to familiarize myself with New
Yorkers and I wondered if I could come

Yorkers and I wondered if I could come

Yorkers and I wondered if I could come
in and say hello to your family why my

in and say hello to your family why my

in and say hello to your family why my
family doesn't say hello to my

family doesn't say hello to my

family doesn't say hello to my
sing all right don't mind the smell in

sing all right don't mind the smell in

sing all right don't mind the smell in
the kitchen I'm cooking dinner not that

the kitchen I'm cooking dinner not that

the kitchen I'm cooking dinner not that
anyone ever eats it what a pretty house

anyone ever eats it what a pretty house

anyone ever eats it what a pretty house
I I like your furniture what style would

I I like your furniture what style would

I I like your furniture what style would
you call it sacrifice that's what you

you call it sacrifice that's what you

you call it sacrifice that's what you
have to do to get it she reminds me of

have to do to get it she reminds me of

have to do to get it she reminds me of
someone I can't think who is that a new

someone I can't think who is that a new

someone I can't think who is that a new
rug where that thing rolled up in the

rug where that thing rolled up in the

rug where that thing rolled up in the
corner no that's my

corner no that's my

corner no that's my
father he sleeps on the floor on the

father he sleeps on the floor on the

father he sleeps on the floor on the
floor on the table in a closet standing

floor on the table in a closet standing

floor on the table in a closet standing
off wherever he's H is it possible to

off wherever he's H is it possible to

off wherever he's H is it possible to
meet your husband sure do what I do

meet your husband sure do what I do

meet your husband sure do what I do
right in for an

right in for an

right in for an
appointment He's in here but be quiet

appointment He's in here but be quiet

appointment He's in here but be quiet
he's working what does he do he's in

he's working what does he do he's in

he's working what does he do he's in
lady's

lady's

lady's
pajamas well uh how do you feel about

pajamas well uh how do you feel about

pajamas well uh how do you feel about
your husband being in ladyes pajamas

your husband being in ladyes pajamas

your husband being in ladyes pajamas
that's a sacrifice I had to make to get

that's a sacrifice I had to make to get

that's a sacrifice I had to make to get
the

although we got big laughs on the show

although we got big laughs on the show
we came up real short in the living room

we came up real short in the living room

we came up real short in the living room
at Brighton Beach the 30 minutes went by

at Brighton Beach the 30 minutes went by

at Brighton Beach the 30 minutes went by
about as quickly as the Middle

about as quickly as the Middle

about as quickly as the Middle
Ages finally our Agony was over directed

Ages finally our Agony was over directed

Ages finally our Agony was over directed
by Todd Allan and written by Michael

by Todd Allan and written by Michael

by Todd Allan and written by Michael
Solomon Larry Shapiro Frank Conley

Solomon Larry Shapiro Frank Conley

Solomon Larry Shapiro Frank Conley
Donald price and Stanley and Eugene

Donald price and Stanley and Eugene

Donald price and Stanley and Eugene
Gerard Gerard this is Ted P asking you

Gerard Gerard this is Ted P asking you

Gerard Gerard this is Ted P asking you
to join us again you couldn't even

to join us again you couldn't even

to join us again you couldn't even
remember Jerome you stupid idiot Gerard

remember Jerome you stupid idiot Gerard

remember Jerome you stupid idiot Gerard
doesn't even sound like Jerome I'm

doesn't even sound like Jerome I'm

doesn't even sound like Jerome I'm
calling a lawyer it was a great audience

calling a lawyer it was a great audience

calling a lawyer it was a great audience
though wasn't it well I liked it it was

though wasn't it well I liked it it was

though wasn't it well I liked it it was
Lively the actors were very good they

Lively the actors were very good they

Lively the actors were very good they
remembered all their lines it was radio

remembered all their lines it was radio

remembered all their lines it was radio
ma they read from the scripts but did

ma they read from the scripts but did

ma they read from the scripts but did
you really like it Ma oh well there was

you really like it Ma oh well there was

you really like it Ma oh well there was
so many funny lines and they came so

so many funny lines and they came so

so many funny lines and they came so
fast I couldn't find a place to laugh

fast I couldn't find a place to laugh

fast I couldn't find a place to laugh
next time make it

next time make it

next time make it
slower where you going next door to Mrs

slower where you going next door to Mrs

slower where you going next door to Mrs
slutsky's I have to get some honey for

slutsky's I have to get some honey for

slutsky's I have to get some honey for
this one's Chee I could go it's icy out

this one's Chee I could go it's icy out

this one's Chee I could go it's icy out
there you have a date in half an hour

there you have a date in half an hour

there you have a date in half an hour
don't you it's worth it to me to catch a

don't you it's worth it to me to catch a

don't you it's worth it to me to catch a
cold to see you get

married I'm so proud of both of

married I'm so proud of both of
you well I'm going to finish my nap you

you well I'm going to finish my nap you

you well I'm going to finish my nap you
didn't like it I can

didn't like it I can

didn't like it I can
tell I didn't like it I didn't hate it

tell I didn't like it I didn't hate it

tell I didn't like it I didn't hate it
for me that's not bad what's wrong with

for me that's not bad what's wrong with

for me that's not bad what's wrong with
it for me comedy has to have a point

it for me comedy has to have a point

it for me comedy has to have a point
what was the point to this to make

what was the point to this to make

what was the point to this to make
people laugh that's not a point to make

people laugh that's not a point to make

people laugh that's not a point to make
people aware that's a point to educate

people aware that's a point to educate

people aware that's a point to educate
is a point to open their eyes is a

is a point to open their eyes is a

is a point to open their eyes is a
point I I like points but I like the

point I I like points but I like the

point I I like points but I like the
Spanish talking

Spanish talking

Spanish talking
dog see

dog see

dog see
see he didn't make any points but but he

see he didn't make any points but but he

see he didn't make any points but but he
made me laugh z

made me laugh z

made me laugh z
z that was funny you

z that was funny you

z that was funny you
understand see

understand see

understand see
see so

see so

see so
what did you think

what did you think

what did you think
pop to tell you the truth I had a hard

pop to tell you the truth I had a hard

pop to tell you the truth I had a hard
time listening to

why it was us you were writing about

why it was us you were writing about
tonight wasn't

tonight wasn't

tonight wasn't
it no not really not

it no not really not

it no not really not
really you don't think you made fun of

really you don't think you made fun of

really you don't think you made fun of
this family

this family

this family
tonight no it wasn't this family it's

tonight no it wasn't this family it's

tonight no it wasn't this family it's
all all the people we know out here the

all all the people we know out here the

all all the people we know out here the
woman says my family doesn't say hello

woman says my family doesn't say hello

woman says my family doesn't say hello
to my family if that wasn't your mother

to my family if that wasn't your mother

to my family if that wasn't your mother
who was it that's every mother who lives

who was it that's every mother who lives

who was it that's every mother who lives
out here they all talk like that all the

out here they all talk like that all the

out here they all talk like that all the
people in this neighborhood know that

people in this neighborhood know that

people in this neighborhood know that
your grandfather falls asleep on buses

your grandfather falls asleep on buses

your grandfather falls asleep on buses
on trains in the

on trains in the

on trains in the
library so you have a grandfather on the

library so you have a grandfather on the

library so you have a grandfather on the
show Who falls asleep on the floor

show Who falls asleep on the floor

show Who falls asleep on the floor
you're not ashamed to put a thing like

you're not ashamed to put a thing like

you're not ashamed to put a thing like
that on the radio he heard it he never

that on the radio he heard it he never

that on the radio he heard it he never
said a word he didn't think it was him

said a word he didn't think it was him

said a word he didn't think it was him
it doesn't matter what he thought you

it doesn't matter what he thought you

it doesn't matter what he thought you
don't poke fun of your own grandfather

don't poke fun of your own grandfather

don't poke fun of your own grandfather
for the whole world to hear we didn't we

for the whole world to hear we didn't we

for the whole world to hear we didn't we
love

love

love
Grandpa and what about her husband what

Grandpa and what about her husband what

Grandpa and what about her husband what
do you say about him on the

do you say about him on the

do you say about him on the
radio nothing nothing what does the

radio nothing nothing what does the

radio nothing nothing what does the
woman tell us her husband does for a

woman tell us her husband does for a

woman tell us her husband does for a
living he's in lady's

living he's in lady's

living he's in lady's
pajamas and I'm in lady's raincoats

pajamas and I'm in lady's raincoats

pajamas and I'm in lady's raincoats
right pajamas just sounded funny it was

right pajamas just sounded funny it was

right pajamas just sounded funny it was
a joke that's

a joke that's

a joke that's
all are you going to pretend to me that

all are you going to pretend to me that

all are you going to pretend to me that
you don't know what's going on between

you don't know what's going on between

you don't know what's going on between
your mother and

your mother and

your mother and
me a house with walls like this you

me a house with walls like this you

me a house with walls like this you
can't help hearing things so what do you

can't help hearing things so what do you

can't help hearing things so what do you
think happens when the people in this

think happens when the people in this

think happens when the people in this
neighborhood hear a program where the

neighborhood hear a program where the

neighborhood hear a program where the
woman tells us her husbands and ladies

woman tells us her husbands and ladies

woman tells us her husbands and ladies
pajamas and they know what that means

pajamas and they know what that means

pajamas and they know what that means
they understand the innuendo when they

they understand the innuendo when they

they understand the innuendo when they
hear that what are they thinking when

hear that what are they thinking when

hear that what are they thinking when
they know that the two sons of the man

they know that the two sons of the man

they know that the two sons of the man
and ladies pajamas wrote the program

and ladies pajamas wrote the program

and ladies pajamas wrote the program
there's only one thing people like

there's only one thing people like

there's only one thing people like
better than gossip and that's filth and

better than gossip and that's filth and

better than gossip and that's filth and
that's what those people heard on the

that's what those people heard on the

that's what those people heard on the
radio tonight what are you talking about

radio tonight what are you talking about

radio tonight what are you talking about
that's crazy I will never forgive either

that's crazy I will never forgive either

that's crazy I will never forgive either
one of you for ridiculing me in front of

one of you for ridiculing me in front of

one of you for ridiculing me in front of
my neighbors in front of friends in

my neighbors in front of friends in

my neighbors in front of friends in
front of strangers strangers you'll

front of strangers strangers you'll

front of strangers strangers you'll
never know how many people I called to

never know how many people I called to

never know how many people I called to
tell them to turn on the program because

tell them to turn on the program because

tell them to turn on the program because
I was so proud of my two sons well

I was so proud of my two sons well

I was so proud of my two sons well
that's a mistake I won't make

again you may have been proud to them

again you may have been proud to them
but you never encouraged do up to you

but you never encouraged do up to you

but you never encouraged do up to you
I'd still be selling boys clothing after

I'd still be selling boys clothing after

I'd still be selling boys clothing after
what I heard tonight I wish to God you

what I heard tonight I wish to God you

what I heard tonight I wish to God you
were stop it s cut it

were stop it s cut it

were stop it s cut it
out I'm sorry you feel this way pop we

out I'm sorry you feel this way pop we

out I'm sorry you feel this way pop we
both are we never thought about you and

both are we never thought about you and

both are we never thought about you and
Mom when we were writing this sketch I

Mom when we were writing this sketch I

Mom when we were writing this sketch I
swear you know what I thought when I

swear you know what I thought when I

swear you know what I thought when I
heard it I thought it was your way of

heard it I thought it was your way of

heard it I thought it was your way of
getting back at me for hurting your

getting back at me for hurting your

getting back at me for hurting your
mother is that so impossible to imagine

mother is that so impossible to imagine

mother is that so impossible to imagine
no not so impossible because let me tell

no not so impossible because let me tell

no not so impossible because let me tell
you something no matter what you may

you something no matter what you may

you something no matter what you may
have heard about this woman you will

have heard about this woman you will

have heard about this woman you will
never find a Kinder more decent human

never find a Kinder more decent human

never find a Kinder more decent human
being on this Earth you hear me go to

being on this Earth you hear me go to

being on this Earth you hear me go to
hell what did you say I said go to hell

hell what did you say I said go to hell

hell what did you say I said go to hell
he didn't mean to what did you

he didn't mean to what did you

he didn't mean to what did you
say you dare to talk to me that way I

say you dare to talk to me that way I

say you dare to talk to me that way I
don't care if she's Jon of heart that's

don't care if she's Jon of heart that's

don't care if she's Jon of heart that's
still my mother we're talking about go

still my mother we're talking about go

still my mother we're talking about go
do whatever your damn please pop don't

do whatever your damn please pop don't

do whatever your damn please pop don't
blame Jean and me of humiliating you and

blame Jean and me of humiliating you and

blame Jean and me of humiliating you and
you're the one who's been humiliating us

you're the one who's been humiliating us

you're the one who's been humiliating us
you're so guilty for what you've done

you're so guilty for what you've done

you're so guilty for what you've done
you're accusing everyone of betraying

you're accusing everyone of betraying

you're accusing everyone of betraying
you all my life you taught me things

you all my life you taught me things

you all my life you taught me things
like dignity and principles and I

like dignity and principles and I

like dignity and principles and I
believe them I still do I guess but what

believe them I still do I guess but what

believe them I still do I guess but what
kind of principles does a man have when

kind of principles does a man have when

kind of principles does a man have when
he tells his sons that the woman he's

he tells his sons that the woman he's

he tells his sons that the woman he's
seeing on the side is a wonderful decent

seeing on the side is a wonderful decent

seeing on the side is a wonderful decent
human

being you grown up too fast or I've

being you grown up too fast or I've
outlived my place in this

house how could you talk to him like

house how could you talk to him like
that he's your own father screw you

that he's your own father screw you

that he's your own father screw you
Eugene what are you taking hiside for

Eugene what are you taking hiside for

Eugene what are you taking hiside for
what are you going to do by the woman A

what are you going to do by the woman A

what are you going to do by the woman A
Mother's Day gift it's time to move this

Mother's Day gift it's time to move this

Mother's Day gift it's time to move this
is no place for us we've been waiting

is no place for us we've been waiting

is no place for us we've been waiting
for a chance to leave and now we could

for a chance to leave and now we could

for a chance to leave and now we could
afford it Stan when we were writing the

afford it Stan when we were writing the

afford it Stan when we were writing the
sketch did you think we were writing

sketch did you think we were writing

sketch did you think we were writing
about Mom and Pap no no it's like you

about Mom and Pap no no it's like you

about Mom and Pap no no it's like you
said it's it's everybody we know out

said it's it's everybody we know out

said it's it's everybody we know out
here Joe Pat's grandfather once fell

here Joe Pat's grandfather once fell

here Joe Pat's grandfather once fell
asleep in his oatmeal he almost

asleep in his oatmeal he almost

asleep in his oatmeal he almost
suffocated I did I thought it was Mom

suffocated I did I thought it was Mom

suffocated I did I thought it was Mom
and Pop and Grandpa they were the ones I

and Pop and Grandpa they were the ones I

and Pop and Grandpa they were the ones I
was writing about okay so it was a

was writing about okay so it was a

was writing about okay so it was a
little bit of them too I should have

little bit of them too I should have

little bit of them too I should have
took the fight with him only I didn't

took the fight with him only I didn't

took the fight with him only I didn't
know I was so angry it's like there's

know I was so angry it's like there's

know I was so angry it's like there's
this part of me that's this nice likable

this part of me that's this nice likable

this part of me that's this nice likable
funny kid and then there's the other

funny kid and then there's the other

funny kid and then there's the other
part the part that writes that's an

part the part that writes that's an

part the part that writes that's an
angry hostile mean bastard well you

angry hostile mean bastard well you

angry hostile mean bastard well you
better make friends with the bastard cuz

better make friends with the bastard cuz

better make friends with the bastard cuz
he's the one who's going to make you a

he's the one who's going to make you a

he's the one who's going to make you a
big living

[Music]

[Music]
[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]
where is everyone I'd leave for a minute

where is everyone I'd leave for a minute

where is everyone I'd leave for a minute
and everyone's gone I'm still here M sit

and everyone's gone I'm still here M sit

and everyone's gone I'm still here M sit
down I'll make you a cup of

down I'll make you a cup of

down I'll make you a cup of
tea I felt terrible that I had hurt my

tea I felt terrible that I had hurt my

tea I felt terrible that I had hurt my
father and that my father hurt Stan but

father and that my father hurt Stan but

father and that my father hurt Stan but
mostly I felt bad for my mother because

mostly I felt bad for my mother because

mostly I felt bad for my mother because
suddenly the men in her life were

suddenly the men in her life were

suddenly the men in her life were
thinking of

thinking of

thinking of
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
leaving

leaving

leaving
I never see you stop working I never see

I never see you stop working I never see

I never see you stop working I never see
you sit down when Stan and I are making

you sit down when Stan and I are making

you sit down when Stan and I are making
money we're going to get you a maid a

money we're going to get you a maid a

money we're going to get you a maid a
maid in Brighton Beach people would pay

maid in Brighton Beach people would pay

maid in Brighton Beach people would pay
admission to come over and watch her

admission to come over and watch her

admission to come over and watch her
work get off that table are you crazy

work get off that table are you crazy

work get off that table are you crazy
sitting on my dining room table I didn't

sitting on my dining room table I didn't

sitting on my dining room table I didn't
leave any marks marks I can clean off

leave any marks marks I can clean off

leave any marks marks I can clean off
but I never want to see you show

but I never want to see you show

but I never want to see you show
disrespect for this table I didn't mean

disrespect for this table I didn't mean

disrespect for this table I didn't mean
it I'm sorry table I

it I'm sorry table I

it I'm sorry table I
apologize is it so expensive my

apologize is it so expensive my

apologize is it so expensive my
grandfather made this table with his own

grandfather made this table with his own

grandfather made this table with his own
hands for my grandmother 52 years she

hands for my grandmother 52 years she

hands for my grandmother 52 years she
had this

had this

had this
table when I was a little girl I'd go to

table when I was a little girl I'd go to

table when I was a little girl I'd go to
her house and she'd let me help her

her house and she'd let me help her

her house and she'd let me help her
polish it I was closer to herther my own

polish it I was closer to herther my own

polish it I was closer to herther my own
mother was that a terrible thing to say

mother was that a terrible thing to say

mother was that a terrible thing to say
not if that's how you felt when she died

not if that's how you felt when she died

not if that's how you felt when she died
she left a will she gave away jewelry

she left a will she gave away jewelry

she left a will she gave away jewelry
dresses even a little cash but she knew

dresses even a little cash but she knew

dresses even a little cash but she knew
what I

what I

what I
wanted T me to eat on means everything

wanted T me to eat on means everything

wanted T me to eat on means everything
it's the one time of the day when the

it's the one time of the day when the

it's the one time of the day when the
family's all together this is where you

family's all together this is where you

family's all together this is where you
share things

share things

share things
people who eat out all the time don't

people who eat out all the time don't

people who eat out all the time don't
get to be a

get to be a

get to be a
family and when I'm

family and when I'm

family and when I'm
gone you and your Jody get married this

gone you and your Jody get married this

gone you and your Jody get married this
will be your table what was your

will be your table what was your

will be your table what was your
grandmother like tiny little bit of a

grandmother like tiny little bit of a

grandmother like tiny little bit of a
thing all the women were small in those

thing all the women were small in those

thing all the women were small in those
days when I was 9 years old I was bigger

days when I was 9 years old I was bigger

days when I was 9 years old I was bigger
than she was my grandfather had to pick

than she was my grandfather had to pick

than she was my grandfather had to pick
her up to see the Statue of Liberty that

her up to see the Statue of Liberty that

her up to see the Statue of Liberty that
must have been

must have been

must have been
someday that's what they dreamed of all

someday that's what they dreamed of all

someday that's what they dreamed of all
their life to get to

their life to get to

their life to get to
America and when they saw that statue

America and when they saw that statue

America and when they saw that statue
they all started to cry the women were

they all started to cry the women were

they all started to cry the women were
wailing the men were shaking everybody

wailing the men were shaking everybody

wailing the men were shaking everybody
praying you know why because they were

praying you know why because they were

praying you know why because they were
free because they took one look at that

free because they took one look at that

free because they took one look at that
statue and said that's not a Jewish

statue and said that's not a Jewish

statue and said that's not a Jewish
woman we're going to have problems

woman we're going to have problems

woman we're going to have problems
again my grandfather saw the statue he

again my grandfather saw the statue he

again my grandfather saw the statue he
said it's too big I should have made a

said it's too big I should have made a

said it's too big I should have made a
small one giving the money to people who

small one giving the money to people who

small one giving the money to people who
needed it if your whole family were

needed it if your whole family were

needed it if your whole family were
socialists how come you're not not the

socialists how come you're not not the

socialists how come you're not not the
whole family only the men

whole family only the men

whole family only the men
a man doesn't fight for political causes

a man doesn't fight for political causes

a man doesn't fight for political causes
on an empty stomach but you vote you

on an empty stomach but you vote you

on an empty stomach but you vote you
voted for President Roosevelt I liked

voted for President Roosevelt I liked

voted for President Roosevelt I liked
his face I trusted him he had polio and

his face I trusted him he had polio and

his face I trusted him he had polio and
I figured the man who walked on crutches

I figured the man who walked on crutches

I figured the man who walked on crutches
wasn't out to take advantage of poor

wasn't out to take advantage of poor

wasn't out to take advantage of poor
people you amaze me sometimes and I like

people you amaze me sometimes and I like

people you amaze me sometimes and I like
Harry Truman him I trust too why because

Harry Truman him I trust too why because

Harry Truman him I trust too why because
he walks everywhere 7:00 in the morning

he walks everywhere 7:00 in the morning

he walks everywhere 7:00 in the morning
he's out walking the streets it was a

he's out walking the streets it was a

he's out walking the streets it was a
habit there sh did you know that and a

habit there sh did you know that and a

habit there sh did you know that and a
man who has to get up early in the

man who has to get up early in the

man who has to get up early in the
winter to to open a store knows what

winter to to open a store knows what

winter to to open a store knows what
it's like to be a working

it's like to be a working

it's like to be a working
man all

man all

man all
right that's enough I want you in bed I

right that's enough I want you in bed I

right that's enough I want you in bed I
will in a few minutes first tell me

will in a few minutes first tell me

will in a few minutes first tell me
about George Raft oh you heard it a 100

about George Raft oh you heard it a 100

about George Raft oh you heard it a 100
times I know but every time we tell her

times I know but every time we tell her

times I know but every time we tell her
to gets a little better then you'll go

to gets a little better then you'll go

to gets a little better then you'll go
to bed I

to bed I

to bed I
swear sit

down night I danced with him I committed

down night I danced with him I committed
a sin I knew God was going to punish me

a sin I knew God was going to punish me

a sin I knew God was going to punish me
for it and he did

for it and he did

for it and he did
you pay for your mistakes in this world

you pay for your mistakes in this world

you pay for your mistakes in this world
what sin did you commit the day before I

what sin did you commit the day before I

what sin did you commit the day before I
was going to the Primrose my aunt Francy

was going to the Primrose my aunt Francy

was going to the Primrose my aunt Francy
died the next day we all went to the

died the next day we all went to the

died the next day we all went to the
funeral and that night we all sat at my

funeral and that night we all sat at my

funeral and that night we all sat at my
grandmother's house to sit in morning

grandmother's house to sit in morning

grandmother's house to sit in morning
but I knew that was the night that

but I knew that was the night that

but I knew that was the night that
George ref was coming to the

George ref was coming to the

George ref was coming to the
Primrose he was a friend of the owners

Primrose he was a friend of the owners

Primrose he was a friend of the owners
he promised he would come I never

he promised he would come I never

he promised he would come I never
dreamed he' danc with me I just wanted

dreamed he' danc with me I just wanted

dreamed he' danc with me I just wanted
to watch

to watch

to watch
him but in the back of my head I

him but in the back of my head I

him but in the back of my head I
thought if he sees me dance who knows

thought if he sees me dance who knows

thought if he sees me dance who knows
he wasn't even an actor then just a

he wasn't even an actor then just a

he wasn't even an actor then just a
skinny kid who looked like Rudolph

skinny kid who looked like Rudolph

skinny kid who looked like Rudolph
Valentino but the best Ballroom dancer

Valentino but the best Ballroom dancer

Valentino but the best Ballroom dancer
in New York and to dance with him made

in New York and to dance with him made

in New York and to dance with him made
your queen of the city did he flip a

your queen of the city did he flip a

your queen of the city did he flip a
coin like he did in the movies

coin like he did in the movies

coin like he did in the movies
never but he always smoothed down his

never but he always smoothed down his

never but he always smoothed down his
hair with his right hand every two

hair with his right hand every two

hair with his right hand every two
minutes smoothing his hair down got so

minutes smoothing his hair down got so

minutes smoothing his hair down got so
shiny you could see your face in it when

shiny you could see your face in it when

shiny you could see your face in it when
you danced with him so you went to the

you danced with him so you went to the

you danced with him so you went to the
dance that night I told my mother I

dance that night I told my mother I

dance that night I told my mother I
wasn't feeling well she sent me home I

wasn't feeling well she sent me home I

wasn't feeling well she sent me home I
knew she and Papa wouldn't get home till

knew she and Papa wouldn't get home till

knew she and Papa wouldn't get home till
midnight so I ran home changed my dress

midnight so I ran home changed my dress

midnight so I ran home changed my dress
and went to the prim rose with my friend

and went to the prim rose with my friend

and went to the prim rose with my friend
Adele

Adele

Adele
Abrams and all the time I knew God was

Abrams and all the time I knew God was

Abrams and all the time I knew God was
going to punish me for it I kept saying

going to punish me for it I kept saying

going to punish me for it I kept saying
to Adele on the way over I wish I was

to Adele on the way over I wish I was

to Adele on the way over I wish I was
Catholic then I could go to church

Catholic then I could go to church

Catholic then I could go to church
confess my sins and God would forgive me

confess my sins and God would forgive me

confess my sins and God would forgive me
but I know I just committed another sin

but I know I just committed another sin

but I know I just committed another sin
by wishing I was Catholic I was throwing

by wishing I was Catholic I was throwing

by wishing I was Catholic I was throwing
my whole life away for this one night to

my whole life away for this one night to

my whole life away for this one night to
see George Raft did you have a you know

see George Raft did you have a you know

see George Raft did you have a you know
a crush on him and George Raft you think

a crush on him and George Raft you think

a crush on him and George Raft you think
I'm crazy he was Italian I was in enough

I'm crazy he was Italian I was in enough

I'm crazy he was Italian I was in enough
trouble

trouble

trouble
already he wasn't my type

already he wasn't my type

already he wasn't my type
anyway your father was the one I had to

anyway your father was the one I had to

anyway your father was the one I had to
crush on since I was 13 years old and in

crush on since I was 13 years old and in

crush on since I was 13 years old and in
those days young people didn't tell each

those days young people didn't tell each

those days young people didn't tell each
other when they had crushes on them you

other when they had crushes on them you

other when they had crushes on them you
had a guess you sent messages with your

had a guess you sent messages with your

had a guess you sent messages with your
eyes your face how you walked by them

eyes your face how you walked by them

eyes your face how you walked by them
how did you walk by them not too much

how did you walk by them not too much

how did you walk by them not too much
not too

out was never a show

out was never a show
off didn't smile a

off didn't smile a

off didn't smile a
lot he was what he

lot he was what he

lot he was what he
was but they get a smile out of Jack

was but they get a smile out of Jack

was but they get a smile out of Jack
Jomo you knew you had to earn

it cost him plenty the smile has got to

it cost him plenty the smile has got to
be the salesman the smile has got to be

be the salesman the smile has got to be

be the salesman the smile has got to be
the bosses smile has got all the

the bosses smile has got all the

the bosses smile has got all the
girls he paid the price for not being a

girls he paid the price for not being a

girls he paid the price for not being a
phony

phony

phony
but I wanted to impress him that's why I

but I wanted to impress him that's why I

but I wanted to impress him that's why I
went to the Primrose that night I

went to the Primrose that night I

went to the Primrose that night I
thought if Jack Jerome heard that I

thought if Jack Jerome heard that I

thought if Jack Jerome heard that I
dance with George Raft maybe I could get

dance with George Raft maybe I could get

dance with George Raft maybe I could get
him to notice me this is a movie Ma and

him to notice me this is a movie Ma and

him to notice me this is a movie Ma and
one day I'm going to write it and then I

one day I'm going to write it and then I

one day I'm going to write it and then I
got

got

got
scared was 10 minutes after

scared was 10 minutes after

scared was 10 minutes after
11: he still didn't show up when if I

11: he still didn't show up when if I

11: he still didn't show up when if I
wasn't home by midnight my parents would

wasn't home by midnight my parents would

wasn't home by midnight my parents would
walk in and find out I was lying to them

walk in and find out I was lying to them

walk in and find out I was lying to them
and with my mother I didn't need God to

and with my mother I didn't need God to

and with my mother I didn't need God to
punish me 12:00 Cinderella the story has

punish me 12:00 Cinderella the story has

punish me 12:00 Cinderella the story has
everything and then at 20 after

everything and then at 20 after

everything and then at 20 after
11 he walks

11 he walks

11 he walks
in like the king of Spain my heart was

in like the king of Spain my heart was

in like the king of Spain my heart was
beating louder than the drummer in the

beating louder than the drummer in the

beating louder than the drummer in the
band he had two friends with him one on

band he had two friends with him one on

band he had two friends with him one on
each

each

each
side like bodyguards and I noticed there

side like bodyguards and I noticed there

side like bodyguards and I noticed there
was something bulging in their pockets I

was something bulging in their pockets I

was something bulging in their pockets I
said to myself they're either guns or

said to myself they're either guns or

said to myself they're either guns or
more jars of grease for his hair Miss

more jars of grease for his hair Miss

more jars of grease for his hair Miss
mystery Intrigue laughs what a picture

mystery Intrigue laughs what a picture

mystery Intrigue laughs what a picture
so he walks in and I know I haven't got

so he walks in and I know I haven't got

so he walks in and I know I haven't got
much time so I grab Bobby zetti a shoe

much time so I grab Bobby zetti a shoe

much time so I grab Bobby zetti a shoe
clerk but the best dancer at the

clerk but the best dancer at the

clerk but the best dancer at the
brimrose and I say Bobby dance with me I

brimrose and I say Bobby dance with me I

brimrose and I say Bobby dance with me I
knew he had a crush on me and I never

knew he had a crush on me and I never

knew he had a crush on me and I never
gave him a tumble before he didn't know

gave him a tumble before he didn't know

gave him a tumble before he didn't know
what hit him so out on the floor we go

what hit him so out on the floor we go

what hit him so out on the floor we go
and we Fox trotted from one side of that

and we Fox trotted from one side of that

and we Fox trotted from one side of that
bull and back in and out bobbing and

bull and back in and out bobbing and

bull and back in and out bobbing and
weaving through the crowd gliding across

weaving through the crowd gliding across

weaving through the crowd gliding across
the floor like a pair of ice skaters

the floor like a pair of ice skaters

the floor like a pair of ice skaters
begin the be night and day that's what I

begin the be night and day that's what I

begin the be night and day that's what I
would use in this picture anyway music

would use in this picture anyway music

would use in this picture anyway music
finishes Bobby dips me down to the floor

finishes Bobby dips me down to the floor

finishes Bobby dips me down to the floor
a little bit lower than a nice girl

a little bit lower than a nice girl

a little bit lower than a nice girl
should dip but I figure one more sin

should dip but I figure one more sin

should dip but I figure one more sin
wouldn't kill me so walk over to itel

wouldn't kill me so walk over to itel

wouldn't kill me so walk over to itel
and I'm dripping with perspiration and I

and I'm dripping with perspiration and I

and I'm dripping with perspiration and I
say well did he watch me she said it's

say well did he watch me she said it's

say well did he watch me she said it's
hard to tell his eyes don't move I look

hard to tell his eyes don't move I look

hard to tell his eyes don't move I look
over at his table and she's right his

over at his table and she's right his

over at his table and she's right his
eyes don't

eyes don't

eyes don't
move so here it is 25 to 12 and he's

move so here it is 25 to 12 and he's

move so here it is 25 to 12 and he's
never even noticed me so I say to

never even noticed me so I say to

never even noticed me so I say to
myself if it's not meant to be it's not

myself if it's not meant to be it's not

myself if it's not meant to be it's not
meant to be and Adele and I start for

meant to be and Adele and I start for

meant to be and Adele and I start for
the door the tension mounts the audience

the door the tension mounts the audience

the door the tension mounts the audience
is on the edge of their seats and as we

is on the edge of their seats and as we

is on the edge of their seats and as we
piss their table George Raph stands up

piss their table George Raph stands up

piss their table George Raph stands up
and says excuse me and he's looking

and says excuse me and he's looking

and says excuse me and he's looking
right at Adele Abrams and he says could

right at Adele Abrams and he says could

right at Adele Abrams and he says could
I ask you a question please Adele he's

I ask you a question please Adele he's

I ask you a question please Adele he's
talking to Adele Abrams and he

talking to Adele Abrams and he

talking to Adele Abrams and he
says I wonder if your friend would care

says I wonder if your friend would care

says I wonder if your friend would care
to dance with me and she says you want

to dance with me and she says you want

to dance with me and she says you want
me to ask her and he says please I'm a

me to ask her and he says please I'm a

me to ask her and he says please I'm a
little shy I don't believe George Raft

little shy I don't believe George Raft

little shy I don't believe George Raft
said I'm shy so she comes back and she

said I'm shy so she comes back and she

said I'm shy so she comes back and she
asks me and I look at

asks me and I look at

asks me and I look at
him and he smiles at

him and he smiles at

him and he smiles at
me and his eyes move for the first

me and his eyes move for the first

me and his eyes move for the first
time so I walk over to him and he takes

time so I walk over to him and he takes

time so I walk over to him and he takes
my hand and leads me out of on to the

my hand and leads me out of on to the

my hand and leads me out of on to the
floor everyone in the Primm Rose is

floor everyone in the Primm Rose is

floor everyone in the Primm Rose is
watching even the band somebody had a

watching even the band somebody had a

watching even the band somebody had a
whisper start playing so they started a

whisper start playing so they started a

whisper start playing so they started a
play and we danced around that room and

play and we danced around that room and

play and we danced around that room and
I held my head high and my back straight

I held my head high and my back straight

I held my head high and my back straight
as a board and I looked down at the

as a board and I looked down at the

as a board and I looked down at the
floor and up at the

floor and up at the

floor and up at the
ceiling never in his eyes I saw a

ceiling never in his eyes I saw a

ceiling never in his eyes I saw a
professional do that

professional do that

professional do that
once gu his hands were so

once gu his hands were so

once gu his hands were so
gentle hardly touching me at

gentle hardly touching me at

gentle hardly touching me at
all but I know exactly when he wanted me

all but I know exactly when he wanted me

all but I know exactly when he wanted me
to move and which way he wanted me to

to move and which way he wanted me to

to move and which way he wanted me to
turn wait a minute wait a minute where

turn wait a minute wait a minute where

turn wait a minute wait a minute where
you going what are you doing I want you

you going what are you doing I want you

you going what are you doing I want you
to show me how you danced show you how I

to show me how you danced show you how I

to show me how you danced show you how I
danced 35 years ago I don't even walk

danced 35 years ago I don't even walk

danced 35 years ago I don't even walk
like I did 35 years ago come on you

like I did 35 years ago come on you

like I did 35 years ago come on you
dance every year with pop at the Garment

dance every year with pop at the Garment

dance every year with pop at the Garment
industry Affair just show me how you

industry Affair just show me how you

industry Affair just show me how you
dance with George draft they dance

dance with George draft they dance

dance with George draft they dance
differently now they don't even do the

differently now they don't even do the

differently now they don't even do the
same steps anymore not a whole dance two

same steps anymore not a whole dance two

same steps anymore not a whole dance two
steps one

steps one

steps one
turn

turn

turn
there

there

there
listen Perfect

listen Perfect

listen Perfect
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
music so he moved you gently across the

music so he moved you gently across the

music so he moved you gently across the
floor stop it you I'm not in the mood

floor stop it you I'm not in the mood

floor stop it you I'm not in the mood
come on I'll dance with you I'm George

come on I'll dance with you I'm George

come on I'll dance with you I'm George
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
Raft everybody's

Raft everybody's

Raft everybody's
watching don't let them down

[Applause]

[Applause]
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]
don't push just with your

don't push just with your

don't push just with your
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
fingertips now turn me how just let

fingertips now turn me how just let

fingertips now turn me how just let
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
go You're So Graceful mom I never knew

go You're So Graceful mom I never knew

go You're So Graceful mom I never knew
you were so graceful

[Music]

[Music]
look there's Adele ABS Adele she's

look there's Adele ABS Adele she's

look there's Adele ABS Adele she's
[Music]

wonderful

wonderful
Dy not too

Dy not too

Dy not too
low

then it was over work for our TR and

then it was over work for our TR and
then and then what did he say to you he

then and then what did he say to you he

then and then what did he say to you he
said thank you it was my pleasure and he

said thank you it was my pleasure and he

said thank you it was my pleasure and he
walked away he didn't ask you for your

walked away he didn't ask you for your

walked away he didn't ask you for your
name I didn't ask for his why should he

name I didn't ask for his why should he

name I didn't ask for his why should he
ask for mine I'm exhausted I don't know

ask for mine I'm exhausted I don't know

ask for mine I'm exhausted I don't know
how I let you get me to do such things

how I let you get me to do such things

how I let you get me to do such things
cuz you liked

cuz you liked

cuz you liked
it why do you always stop doing the

it why do you always stop doing the

it why do you always stop doing the
things that make you feel good what's

things that make you feel good what's

things that make you feel good what's
the matter raising you and Stanley

the matter raising you and Stanley

the matter raising you and Stanley
didn't make me feel good there's other

didn't make me feel good there's other

didn't make me feel good there's other
things besides raising a family man yeah

things besides raising a family man yeah

things besides raising a family man yeah
so I've

so I've

so I've
heard all right I want you in bed and no

heard all right I want you in bed and no

heard all right I want you in bed and no
back talk you didn't finish the story

back talk you didn't finish the story

back talk you didn't finish the story
did you get home before 12 no the troles

did you get home before 12 no the troles

did you get home before 12 no the troles
were running late I came in almost 1230

were running late I came in almost 1230

were running late I came in almost 1230
what' your mom and pop say they didn't

what' your mom and pop say they didn't

what' your mom and pop say they didn't
know they decided to sleep over at a

know they decided to sleep over at a

know they decided to sleep over at a
sister's house but in two days the news

sister's house but in two days the news

sister's house but in two days the news
was all over the

was all over the

was all over the
neighborhood people were congratulating

neighborhood people were congratulating

neighborhood people were congratulating
my mother they treated her as if her

my mother they treated her as if her

my mother they treated her as if her
daughter were a movie star

daughter were a movie star

daughter were a movie star
she was angry with me but she she

she was angry with me but she she

she was angry with me but she she
couldn't say anything when I saw my

couldn't say anything when I saw my

couldn't say anything when I saw my
grandmother she winked squeezed my hand

grandmother she winked squeezed my hand

grandmother she winked squeezed my hand
and said I know darling I

know now do you believe I dance with

know now do you believe I dance with
George Rift yeah I believe you never ask

George Rift yeah I believe you never ask

George Rift yeah I believe you never ask
me that question again I haven't got the

me that question again I haven't got the

me that question again I haven't got the
strength anymore I think what you did

strength anymore I think what you did

strength anymore I think what you did
that night was great and you didn't get

that night was great and you didn't get

that night was great and you didn't get
caught so God didn't punish you the

caught so God didn't punish you the

caught so God didn't punish you the
movie has a happy ending movie is an

movie has a happy ending movie is an

movie has a happy ending movie is an
yet I'll be honest about one thing

yet I'll be honest about one thing

yet I'll be honest about one thing
dancing with my mother was very scary

dancing with my mother was very scary

dancing with my mother was very scary
holding her like that and seeing her

holding her like that and seeing her

holding her like that and seeing her
smile was too intimate for me to enjoy

smile was too intimate for me to enjoy

smile was too intimate for me to enjoy
it was meant for my father not for me

it was meant for my father not for me

it was meant for my father not for me
intimacy was a complex thing and you had

intimacy was a complex thing and you had

intimacy was a complex thing and you had
to be careful who you shared it

to be careful who you shared it

to be careful who you shared it
[Music]

when did you pack your bags

when did you pack your bags
Jack Friday night when she was out

Jack Friday night when she was out

Jack Friday night when she was out
shopping did you tell Kate that you're

shopping did you tell Kate that you're

shopping did you tell Kate that you're
leaving I'll call her in a few days

leaving I'll call her in a few days

leaving I'll call her in a few days
right now I'd say all the wrong things

right now I'd say all the wrong things

right now I'd say all the wrong things
you mean in a few days you'll say all

you mean in a few days you'll say all

you mean in a few days you'll say all
the right things

the right things

the right things
no I wouldn't know how so who tells her

no I wouldn't know how so who tells her

no I wouldn't know how so who tells her
me you'll have to pay me Jack I get top

me you'll have to pay me Jack I get top

me you'll have to pay me Jack I get top
dollar for telling my daughter that her

dollar for telling my daughter that her

dollar for telling my daughter that her
husband's walked out on her this has

husband's walked out on her this has

husband's walked out on her this has
been coming for a long time Ben she'll

been coming for a long time Ben she'll

been coming for a long time Ben she'll
be angry when I leave but she won't be

be angry when I leave but she won't be

be angry when I leave but she won't be
surprised you're making a mistake Jack

surprised you're making a mistake Jack

surprised you're making a mistake Jack
this uh thing with the other woman it

this uh thing with the other woman it

this uh thing with the other woman it
won't last I know because I've had

won't last I know because I've had

won't last I know because I've had
enough other women in my life

enough other women in my life

enough other women in my life
have your Affair until it's over but

have your Affair until it's over but

have your Affair until it's over but
don't break up something that'll last

don't break up something that'll last

don't break up something that'll last
you the rest of your life you think this

you the rest of your life you think this

you the rest of your life you think this
is an affair I don't even sleep with the

is an affair I don't even sleep with the

is an affair I don't even sleep with the
woman she's sick she won't last another

woman she's sick she won't last another

woman she's sick she won't last another
5 6 months maybe not even that maybe you

5 6 months maybe not even that maybe you

5 6 months maybe not even that maybe you
think that's a noble gesture but to me

think that's a noble gesture but to me

think that's a noble gesture but to me
it

it

it
stinks come on Ben don't be so damn

stinks come on Ben don't be so damn

stinks come on Ben don't be so damn
hypocritical you've got a 72-year-old

hypocritical you've got a 72-year-old

hypocritical you've got a 72-year-old
wife living alone in Florida that you

wife living alone in Florida that you

wife living alone in Florida that you
haven't been interested in in the last

haven't been interested in in the last

haven't been interested in in the last
20 years now where is it written that a

20 years now where is it written that a

20 years now where is it written that a
man must love the same woman until he

man must love the same woman until he

man must love the same woman until he
dies in the marriage vow he took if I

dies in the marriage vow he took if I

dies in the marriage vow he took if I
took it you took it too

took it you took it too

took it you took it too
true I am a hypocrite an old one my

true I am a hypocrite an old one my

true I am a hypocrite an old one my
mistress is my privacy I'm being

mistress is my privacy I'm being

mistress is my privacy I'm being
unfaithful with a room upstairs that

unfaithful with a room upstairs that

unfaithful with a room upstairs that
lets me do what I want I'm having an

lets me do what I want I'm having an

lets me do what I want I'm having an
affair with peace and quiet I'm 55 years

affair with peace and quiet I'm 55 years

affair with peace and quiet I'm 55 years
old Ben I'm not ready for a room

old Ben I'm not ready for a room

old Ben I'm not ready for a room
yet

yet

yet
I have nothing left for me

I have nothing left for me

I have nothing left for me
here there's only one thing waiting for

here there's only one thing waiting for

here there's only one thing waiting for
me out

me out

me out
there something

sit down I'll make your eggs

sit down I'll make your eggs
why can't I make it myself it's Sunday

why can't I make it myself it's Sunday

why can't I make it myself it's Sunday
take a day off and do

what I heard you and Jean dancing last

what I heard you and Jean dancing last
night I i' forgotten all about your

night I i' forgotten all about your

night I i' forgotten all about your
grandmother hav giving you the dining

grandmother hav giving you the dining

grandmother hav giving you the dining
room

room

room
table you forget a lot of things

table you forget a lot of things

table you forget a lot of things
pup

pup

pup
some boys you got Kate you raised them

some boys you got Kate you raised them

some boys you got Kate you raised them
good believe

good believe

good believe
me you think I don't know he's

it I didn't know how to say

it I didn't know how to say
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
it

right here's

right here's
good

good

good
thanks for the ride

thanks for the ride

thanks for the ride
Polly hey

Polly hey

Polly hey
Jean

Jean

Jean
Jean you up there no Mark in here I have

Jean you up there no Mark in here I have

Jean you up there no Mark in here I have
such good news better be good news to

such good news better be good news to

such good news better be good news to
interrupt cabbage soup what's up

interrupt cabbage soup what's up

interrupt cabbage soup what's up
remember I once told you you have to

remember I once told you you have to

remember I once told you you have to
have faith in me remember I said I was

have faith in me remember I said I was

have faith in me remember I said I was
going to make this family proud of me do

going to make this family proud of me do

going to make this family proud of me do
you remember when I said that October

you remember when I said that October

you remember when I said that October
5th 1946 we were having lamb chops for

5th 1946 we were having lamb chops for

5th 1946 we were having lamb chops for
dinner he remembers lamb chops what is

dinner he remembers lamb chops what is

dinner he remembers lamb chops what is
it for God's sake what happened we got

it for God's sake what happened we got

it for God's sake what happened we got
the Phil Silver

the Phil Silver

the Phil Silver
Show television Jean me and two other

Show television Jean me and two other

Show television Jean me and two other
Riders we get $200 a week a piece a

Riders we get $200 a week a piece a

Riders we get $200 a week a piece a
piece do you know how much money that is

piece do you know how much money that is

piece do you know how much money that is
it's $200 a week a piece what is that

it's $200 a week a piece what is that

it's $200 a week a piece what is that
hard to figure out I can't believe

hard to figure out I can't believe

hard to figure out I can't believe
it Jean and I are moving next week I

it Jean and I are moving next week I

it Jean and I are moving next week I
signed the lease today but I found

signed the lease today but I found

signed the lease today but I found
another place it's two blocks away from

another place it's two blocks away from

another place it's two blocks away from
us it's perfect for you and Grandpa me

us it's perfect for you and Grandpa me

us it's perfect for you and Grandpa me
live in New York forget it they don't

live in New York forget it they don't

live in New York forget it they don't
even know who the hell trosy is what

even know who the hell trosy is what

even know who the hell trosy is what
would I do in this city what do I know

would I do in this city what do I know

would I do in this city what do I know
there you know aun blanch you'll make

there you know aun blanch you'll make

there you know aun blanch you'll make
new friends I like my old

new friends I like my old

new friends I like my old
friends I like the stores here butches

friends I like the stores here butches

friends I like the stores here butches
don't cheat you out

don't cheat you out

don't cheat you out
here I just want to make you happy man

here I just want to make you happy man

here I just want to make you happy man
did you call the movies yet no we're not

did you call the movies yet no we're not

did you call the movies yet no we're not
taking any furniture we're getting all

taking any furniture we're getting all

taking any furniture we're getting all
new stuff you don't want your bed your

new stuff you don't want your bed your

new stuff you don't want your bed your
Bureau father and I bought them new at

Bureau father and I bought them new at

Bureau father and I bought them new at
Carson that was 25 years ago m all right

Carson that was 25 years ago m all right

Carson that was 25 years ago m all right
you don't want them leave them maybe

you don't want them leave them maybe

you don't want them leave them maybe
your children will want them Jean's

your children will want them Jean's

your children will want them Jean's
children I'm not ready for marriage yet

children I'm not ready for marriage yet

children I'm not ready for marriage yet
yeah we get ready if I don't get

yeah we get ready if I don't get

yeah we get ready if I don't get
grandchildren what did I need children

grandchildren what did I need children

grandchildren what did I need children
for come on upstairs we got things

to got other news

to got other news
too I saw pop today he was waiting for

too I saw pop today he was waiting for

too I saw pop today he was waiting for
me outside CPS no kidding how is he that

me outside CPS no kidding how is he that

me outside CPS no kidding how is he that
lady he was saying audre

lady he was saying audre

lady he was saying audre
took her to the hospital yesterday said

took her to the hospital yesterday said

took her to the hospital yesterday said
she went last out the week that's too

she went last out the week that's too

she went last out the week that's too
bad you think I'll come back to Mom yeah

bad you think I'll come back to Mom yeah

bad you think I'll come back to Mom yeah
I asked him he said I can never go back

I asked him he said I can never go back

I asked him he said I can never go back
to that house besides she would never

to that house besides she would never

to that house besides she would never
take me back he says why are they doing

take me back he says why are they doing

take me back he says why are they doing
this to each other's St I don't know

this to each other's St I don't know

this to each other's St I don't know
maybe he explains it all in this lce one

maybe he explains it all in this lce one

maybe he explains it all in this lce one
for you one for me what's in it I don't

for you one for me what's in it I don't

for you one for me what's in it I don't
know you didn't read yours he doesn't

know you didn't read yours he doesn't

know you didn't read yours he doesn't
want us to not yet but when can we read

want us to not yet but when can we read

want us to not yet but when can we read
them

them

them
after he

after he

after he
dies after he dies made me promise him

dies after he dies made me promise him

dies after he dies made me promise him
we just have to wait suppose he lives to

we just have to wait suppose he lives to

we just have to wait suppose he lives to
be 90 they'll turn yellow we'll never be

be 90 they'll turn yellow we'll never be

be 90 they'll turn yellow we'll never be
able to read them they probably let us

able to read them they probably let us

able to read them they probably let us
of apology explaining why he did what he

of apology explaining why he did what he

of apology explaining why he did what he
did by then I'll be middleaged I'd

did by then I'll be middleaged I'd

did by then I'll be middleaged I'd
forget what the problem was maybe

forget what the problem was maybe

forget what the problem was maybe
they'll let us say he'll never forgive

they'll let us say he'll never forgive

they'll let us say he'll never forgive
us for writing that

us for writing that

us for writing that
show you going to wait till he dies to

show you going to wait till he dies to

show you going to wait till he dies to
read yours I mean it's

read yours I mean it's

read yours I mean it's
right what about

you suppose I die before him does he get

you suppose I die before him does he get
his letter back

his letter back

his letter back
you're funny Jan you've got a

you're funny Jan you've got a

you're funny Jan you've got a
wonderfully inventive mind but sometimes

wonderfully inventive mind but sometimes

wonderfully inventive mind but sometimes
it lacks

it lacks

it lacks
[Music]

respect he didn't apologize and he

respect he didn't apologize and he
wasn't mad at standing me for what we

wasn't mad at standing me for what we

wasn't mad at standing me for what we
wrote he just wanted me to understand

wrote he just wanted me to understand

wrote he just wanted me to understand
his side of the story only he never said

his side of the story only he never said

his side of the story only he never said
what his side was contrary to popular

what his side was contrary to popular

what his side was contrary to popular
belief everything in life doesn't come

belief everything in life doesn't come

belief everything in life doesn't come
to a clear-cut

conclusion the following Monday was our

conclusion the following Monday was our
last day in Brighton

last day in Brighton

last day in Brighton
Beach you almost ready yeah hey

Beach you almost ready yeah hey

Beach you almost ready yeah hey
Stan did you read Pop's letter yet I

Stan did you read Pop's letter yet I

Stan did you read Pop's letter yet I
said I

said I

said I
wasn't did you no I guess I lied because

wasn't did you no I guess I lied because

wasn't did you no I guess I lied because
I was angry at Pop's letter I knew I

I was angry at Pop's letter I knew I

I was angry at Pop's letter I knew I
always love him but I was still sore at

always love him but I was still sore at

always love him but I was still sore at
him for leaving Mom I thought about

him for leaving Mom I thought about

him for leaving Mom I thought about
sending him a Father's Day gift and

sending him a Father's Day gift and

sending him a Father's Day gift and
printing on it never ever to be opened

printing on it never ever to be opened

printing on it never ever to be opened
let's

let's

let's
[Music]

go where's mom in the kitchen baking you

go where's mom in the kitchen baking you
two years where the cookies remember

two years where the cookies remember

two years where the cookies remember
your promise Gramps you're going to come

your promise Gramps you're going to come

your promise Gramps you're going to come
to the studio to watch the first show

to the studio to watch the first show

to the studio to watch the first show
what for I'm not going to laugh yes you

what for I'm not going to laugh yes you

what for I'm not going to laugh yes you
are we're going to have a talking dog

are we're going to have a talking dog

are we're going to have a talking dog
named trosky he barks in

Russian you still like a kid me you

Russian you still like a kid me you
too you think I never knew when when you

too you think I never knew when when you

too you think I never knew when when you
were kidding me let me tell you

were kidding me let me tell you

were kidding me let me tell you
something when you were kidding me I was

something when you were kidding me I was

something when you were kidding me I was
kidding you twice as much yes dley don't

kidding you twice as much yes dley don't

kidding you twice as much yes dley don't
jiggle the box too much makes

jiggle the box too much makes

jiggle the box too much makes
crumbs how much should we ask for him

crumbs how much should we ask for him

crumbs how much should we ask for him
we're going to sell them on the train no

we're going to sell them on the train no

we're going to sell them on the train no
train today is a taxi day I already

train today is a taxi day I already

train today is a taxi day I already
called don't you let any of my friends

called don't you let any of my friends

called don't you let any of my friends
see you taking a

see you taking a

see you taking a
taxi am I going to get a hug from you

taxi am I going to get a hug from you

taxi am I going to get a hug from you
Grandpa a hug

Grandpa a hug

Grandpa a hug
yet you really want to humiliate me

yet you really want to humiliate me

yet you really want to humiliate me
don't you no I just want to say

goodbye suppose I'm going to get the

goodbye suppose I'm going to get the
same thing from you huh no I want to

same thing from you huh no I want to

same thing from you huh no I want to
kiss you on the lips outside we'll have

kiss you on the lips outside we'll have

kiss you on the lips outside we'll have
to steam us

apart hey Broadway Mama step right into

apart hey Broadway Mama step right into
these arms yesterday he was a riter

these arms yesterday he was a riter

these arms yesterday he was a riter
today he's clock

I just want to say one thing ma don't

I just want to say one thing ma don't
say anything you know me I don't deal

say anything you know me I don't deal

say anything you know me I don't deal
with these things too good it's not that

with these things too good it's not that

with these things too good it's not that
horrible and it's

horrible and it's

horrible and it's
quick I love you okay that wasn't so bad

quick I love you okay that wasn't so bad

quick I love you okay that wasn't so bad
was

it okay come on let's go we're not

it okay come on let's go we're not
moving to budapes we got a party at 4:00

moving to budapes we got a party at 4:00

moving to budapes we got a party at 4:00
what party at CBS do you realize the

what party at CBS do you realize the

what party at CBS do you realize the
gorgeous women we going to meet today

gorgeous women we going to meet today

gorgeous women we going to meet today
Stanley he's got Jodie you leave him

Stanley he's got Jodie you leave him

Stanley he's got Jodie you leave him
alone I was kidding Ma I won't let a

alone I was kidding Ma I won't let a

alone I was kidding Ma I won't let a
single beautiful show girl get nearer

single beautiful show girl get nearer

single beautiful show girl get nearer
and grandpa just so you know I always

and grandpa just so you know I always

and grandpa just so you know I always
knew when you were kidding back I knew

knew when you were kidding back I knew

knew when you were kidding back I knew
when you

when you

when you
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
knew come on Jean it's

knew come on Jean it's

knew come on Jean it's
freezing I knew no matter how many times

freezing I knew no matter how many times

freezing I knew no matter how many times
I came back this would never be home

I came back this would never be home

I came back this would never be home
again

again

again
[Music]

mom and pop split up for good and never

mom and pop split up for good and never
got back together he married about 2

got back together he married about 2

got back together he married about 2
years later to a pretty nice

years later to a pretty nice

years later to a pretty nice
woman mom would really be hurt if she

woman mom would really be hurt if she

woman mom would really be hurt if she
heard me say that but the truth is the

heard me say that but the truth is the

heard me say that but the truth is the
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
truth Grandpa found it rough going in

truth Grandpa found it rough going in

truth Grandpa found it rough going in
his 77th year and finally surrendered to

his 77th year and finally surrendered to

his 77th year and finally surrendered to
capitalism and Miami

capitalism and Miami

capitalism and Miami
Beach jod and I got married and had two

Beach jod and I got married and had two

Beach jod and I got married and had two
little girls and when they were 5 and

little girls and when they were 5 and

little girls and when they were 5 and
six they came over to help Grandma wax

six they came over to help Grandma wax

six they came over to help Grandma wax
the

the

the
table mom didn't do anything very

table mom didn't do anything very

table mom didn't do anything very
exciting with her life except bask in

exciting with her life except bask in

exciting with her life except bask in
the joy of her son's

the joy of her son's

the joy of her son's
success but I never got the feeling she

success but I never got the feeling she

success but I never got the feeling she
sacrificed herself for us whatever mom

sacrificed herself for us whatever mom

sacrificed herself for us whatever mom
gave she found her own quiet pleasure

gave she found her own quiet pleasure

gave she found her own quiet pleasure
in she was never comfortable with words

in she was never comfortable with words

in she was never comfortable with words
like I love you a hard life can

like I love you a hard life can

like I love you a hard life can
sometimes knock the sentiment out of you

sometimes knock the sentiment out of you

sometimes knock the sentiment out of you
but all in all she considers herself a

but all in all she considers herself a

but all in all she considers herself a
pretty lucky

pretty lucky

pretty lucky
woman after all she did once dance with

woman after all she did once dance with

woman after all she did once dance with
George

George

George
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
Raft