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1
00:00:00,625 --> 00:00:03,712
Yeah, send me over a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich.
2
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,714
And make sure it talks.
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,219
-Uh, who are you?
-I'm Glenda Jackson.
4
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-And you must be Pops, the doorman.
-And I'm Eric.
5
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,849
Glenda Jackson?
6
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,727
-No, Eric.
-Not the famous actress?
7
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-Yes.
-That's right.
8
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Eric, not the famous actress.
9
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:27,110
Beats me why you stars hang around
with creeps like that.
10
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:29,863
I'm not his creep. I'm his limousine.
11
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,573
Drive on!
12
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:34,951
[ENGINE STARTS THEN ACCELERATES]
13
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,328
Dressing Room 1, you can't miss it!
14
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:40,040
[TIRES SCREECH THEN CRASHING]
15
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,541
See?
16
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,337
It's The Muppet Show,
17
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:50,508
with our very special guest star,
Glenda Jackson! Yay!
18
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:53,303
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
19
00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:06,107
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
20
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,318
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
21
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:12,197
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
22
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,824
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
23
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,035
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
24
00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:20,705
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
25
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:23,166
♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
26
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,460
♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
27
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,671
♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
28
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-♪ To have to watch the show ♪
-♪ To have to watch the show ♪
29
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:37,806
♪ But now let's get things started ♪
30
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,016
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
31
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
32
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
33
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:49,567
♪ This is what we call ♪
34
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:53,279
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
35
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:57,158
[HONKING]
36
00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,577
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
37
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:03,289
Thank you, thank you.
Welcome again to The Muppet Show.
38
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:06,459
And we have some wonderful things
planned for the show tonight.
39
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,129
We have centipede tag-team wrestling.
40
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,423
We have the singing marinated turnips.
41
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:12,799
And best of all,
42
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:16,469
we have the fabulously versatile actress,
Glenda Jackson!
43
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:17,595
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
44
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:21,099
Yes. But first--
But first, here is Gonzo the Great
45
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,935
in a semiautobiographical extravaganza.
46
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,521
Ladies and gentlemen, Gonzo the Great!
Yeah!
47
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,690
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
48
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:38,158
♪ Well, I had just got out
From the county prison ♪
49
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:41,036
♪ Doin' ninety days for non-support ♪
50
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,787
[CHICKENS SQUAWK]
51
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,749
♪ Tried to find me an executive position ♪
52
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,418
♪ But no matter how smooth I talked ♪
53
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:52,505
♪ They wouldn't listen to the fact
That I was a genius ♪
54
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:56,092
♪ The man say
"We got all that we can use" ♪
55
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,469
♪ Now I got them ♪
56
00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:01,556
♪ Steadily depressin'
Low down mind messin' ♪
57
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,351
♪ Working at the car wash blues ♪
58
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,853
♪ Well, I should be sittin' ♪
59
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:12,192
♪ In an air conditioned office
In a swivel chair ♪
60
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:16,363
♪ Talkin' some trash to the secretaries ♪
61
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:20,033
♪ Sayin, "Here, now mama
Come on over here" ♪
62
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:24,287
♪ Instead, I'm stuck here
Rubbin' these fenders with a rag ♪
63
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:27,332
♪ And walkin' home in soggy old shoes ♪
64
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:32,045
♪ With them steadily depressin'
Low down mind messin' ♪
65
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:35,256
♪ Workin' at the car wash blues ♪
66
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:39,260
♪ You know a man of my ability ♪
67
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:42,972
♪ He should be smokin' on a big cigar ♪
68
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,935
♪ But 'til I get myself straight
I guess I'll just have to wait ♪
69
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,938
♪ In my rubber suit a-rubbin' these cars ♪
70
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,774
[CLUCKING TO MELODY]
71
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:56,986
♪ Well, all I can do is a-shake my head ♪
72
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,948
♪ You might not believe that it's true ♪
73
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:04,411
♪ Workin' at this end
Of Niagara Falls ♪
74
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,830
♪ Is an undiscovered Howard Hughes ♪
75
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:10,291
♪ So, baby, don't expect to see me ♪
76
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:15,338
♪ With no double martini
In any high-brow society news ♪
77
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,464
♪ I got them ♪
78
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:20,218
♪ Steadily depressin'
Low down mind messin' ♪
79
00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:23,888
♪ Workin' at the car wash blues ♪
80
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,224
Hmm!
81
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:27,767
Oh, Miss Leghorn?
82
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,519
Would you take a letter?
83
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,646
[CLUCKING]
84
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,772
[GONZO GASPS]
85
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,482
Forget the letter, Miss Leghorn.
86
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,401
Let's take the afternoon off.
87
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,864
♪ So, baby, don't expect to see me ♪
88
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:45,618
♪ With no double martini
In any high-brow society news ♪
89
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:46,828
♪ 'Cause I got them ♪
90
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:50,707
♪ Steadily depressin'
Low down mind messin' ♪
91
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,209
♪ Workin' at the car wash blues ♪
92
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:58,340
♪ Yeah, I got them steadily depressin'
Low down mind messin' ♪
93
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:02,260
♪ Workin' at the car wash blues ♪
94
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,809
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
95
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:17,025
That was a great number,
I don't care what you say.
96
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:18,985
I thought it was dumb.
97
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,737
Maybe you're right.
98
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,114
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
99
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,825
Ahoy there?
100
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,535
Uh, oh, ahoy, Glenda.
101
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,120
-May I come in?
-Come aboard.
102
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:33,833
Officer of the watch,
pipe the frog aboard.
103
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,294
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
104
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,380
Uh, thank you. I wanted to make sure
105
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,675
-you were comfortable.
-Me? Oh, any old port in a storm.
106
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,094
Mm-hm. Well, I'm sorry I've been so busy.
107
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:47,222
Bilge-wash. I'm glad to see you
run a tight little ship.
108
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,475
Uh, Glenda, do you have any connection
with the sea?
109
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:59,275
Meet Black Jackson,
the heartless pirate captain! A-ha!
110
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:04,698
And I be Eric,
the heartless pirate parrot!
111
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,199
BOTH:
Ha, ha!
112
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:09,119
That's silly.
You're not a parrot. You're a penguin.
113
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,038
This be a disguise.
114
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,164
Ha, ha!
115
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,916
Oh, yeah? Well, take it off.
116
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,461
-No.
-A-ha.
117
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,631
What's the matter? Aren't you wearing
your parrot suit underneath?
118
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,717
And get it crumpled?
119
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:33,977
He do be a ruthless, heartless pirate,
but he do like his privacy.
120
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,105
-[BAND PLAYS DRAMATIC STING]
-Ha, ha!
121
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:39,733
Uh, wait a second.
I didn't order that music sting.
122
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:43,111
-No, I did! I'm taking over!
-Yeah!
123
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,529
You and whose army?
124
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:47,615
Me and my army.
125
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,492
Ha, ha!
126
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,245
Ah, look alive now, me bonny boyos.
127
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:53,872
One, two, three, four.
128
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:58,126
You go stealthy now
and we do be masters of this tub.
129
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,669
[ALL CHEER]
130
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:03,131
Wait a minute. You can't take over
my theater with this motley band.
131
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:07,886
They will have the help
of Short John Silver!
132
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,554
-Ha, ha!
-Ha, ha!
133
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:12,307
Ah! Et tu, Sweetums?
134
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,726
Actually, I think he ate three.
135
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,103
Perhaps you'd better count the chickens.
136
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,112
♪ Now, the best know-how
That a pirate's got ♪
137
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,281
♪ Tie-aye, tie the man down ♪
138
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:31,159
♪ Is what knot's what
And what knot's not what ♪
139
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,286
♪ Give me the rope to tie the man down ♪
140
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,164
♪ In a pirate ship
Or a little-bitty yacht ♪
141
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,249
♪ Tie-aye, tie the man down ♪
142
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,709
-♪ Half-hitch ♪
-♪ Clove-hitch ♪
143
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,127
-♪ Reef knot ♪
-♪ Granny knot ♪
144
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,254
-♪ Monkey's fist ♪
-♪ And the sheepshank knot ♪
145
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:45,382
♪ There's knots to knot
And knots to not knot ♪
146
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,258
♪ A splice is nice but a noose is not ♪
147
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,135
♪ It goes with a hitch and hanks a lot ♪
148
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,012
♪ Give me some rope ♪
149
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,932
[ALL SHOUTING]
150
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,562
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
151
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,527
Okay, that was not too terrific.
152
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:09,155
It not be our fault.
No one showed us the ropes.
153
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,325
All ashore that's going ashore!
154
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,035
All a--
155
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,622
[GROANING]
156
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:23,586
I have told you never to do that
when I am giving orders.
157
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:27,007
How come he doesn't have that patch
over his eye?
158
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,050
He's Dead Ear Dick.
159
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,470
All ashore that's going ashore!
160
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,848
-Wait. We're al--
-All ashore--
161
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,392
Whoa, Glenda. We're already ashore.
162
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,436
No, we are not, you silly frog.
163
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,397
We've cast off
to look for buried treasure.
164
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,523
What?
165
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:46,401
Buried treasure.
You know, pieces of eight, doubloons,
166
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:49,821
15 men on a Dead Man's Chest,
yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum.
167
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,906
Hold it, hold it, that's ridiculous.
168
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,826
I'm not gonna go along
with anything ridiculous like that.
169
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,578
-Oh, yes, you are.
-What?
170
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:58,538
-Tie him up, lads!
-Yeah. Right.
171
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:02,417
-Come on, tie up the frog!
-No, this is my...
172
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:06,087
Weigh the anchor!
173
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,423
We did. Two and a half tons.
174
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,091
Dead Ear!
175
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,848
He learns slow, but he learns good.
176
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,725
Cast off the bow lines!
177
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:22,145
-Hey!
-Cast off the stern lines!
178
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,689
Cast off the punch lines!
179
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,107
Yeah!
180
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,735
Glenda, Glenda. Wait a second.
This is a theater.
181
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,029
Oh, it is, is it?
182
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:35,367
Set a course for the Spanish Maine!
183
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,951
[ALL CHEERING]
184
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,787
Listen! Listen!
185
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,663
[WATER SPLASHING AND SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
186
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,999
Kermit, we're underway.
187
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,001
Yeah.
188
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,628
Nice special effect.
189
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,881
You think we tied him too tight?
190
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,550
No, no, no.
His eyes were always like that.
191
00:09:57,389 --> 00:10:01,309
Uh, and now, ladies and gentlemen,
we present that fabulous--
192
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,936
[GROANING]
193
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,272
Uh, folks, things are a little weird here
tonight, so try and bear with us.
194
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:09,109
And to help you bear with us,
we have a bear with us.
195
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:12,862
That king of near-miss comedy,
Fozzie Bear!
196
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,031
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
197
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:19,160
Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
198
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,579
Hey. Did you hear
about the new sport they have?
199
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:24,958
Yeah, you walk through five miles
of poison ivy.
200
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:28,253
It's called itch-hiking. Ah!
201
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,462
[WOOD CREAKING]
202
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,880
Whoa. Whoa.
203
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,383
Brief the colors!
204
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,720
Strike the top mizzen and the gallons!
205
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,389
Avast, me hearties!
206
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,766
Jib the spinnaker!
207
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,309
Coming about!
208
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,521
Heartily!
209
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,107
Whoa! Whoa!
210
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,027
Boy, it sounds so nautical.
211
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,611
I know, isn't it amazing?
212
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:57,949
I could never pass my driving test,
but all this seems to come very naturally.
213
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:03,872
Heave-ho, me hearties!
214
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,875
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
215
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:09,085
Kermit!
216
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,879
Kermit!
217
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:14,299
-Why aren't you doing your monologue?
-Look.
218
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,056
♪ Oh, blow ye winds, hi-ho ♪
219
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,099
♪ A-roving we will go ♪
220
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,518
♪ We'll stay no more
'Round England's shore ♪
221
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,937
♪ So let the music play-ay-ay ♪
222
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,856
♪ We're off for the morning train ♪
223
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,067
♪ We'll cross the raging main ♪
224
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:36,905
♪ I'm off for my love with a boxing glove
Ten thousand miles away ♪
225
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,742
I don't believe this.
226
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:45,121
♪ A capital ship for an ocean trip
Is the walloping window blind ♪
227
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,248
♪ No wind that blew can despair her crew ♪
228
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,709
♪ Or trouble the captain's mind ♪
229
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:54,464
♪ The man at the wheel can't help but feel
Contempt for the wildest blow ♪
230
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,383
♪ Oh, oh ♪
231
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,094
♪ Though it often appears
When the typhoon clears ♪
232
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,970
♪ He's been down in his bunk below ♪
233
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,348
♪ Oh, blow ye winds, hi-ho ♪
234
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,558
♪ A-roving we will go ♪
235
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,894
♪ We'll stay no more
On England's shore ♪
236
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:12,399
♪ So let the music play-ay-ay ♪
237
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:15,235
♪ We're off for the morning train ♪
238
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,529
♪ We'll cross the raging main ♪
239
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:22,283
♪ I'm off for my love with a boxing glove
Ten thousand miles away ♪
240
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,619
[PIRATES CHEERING AND SHOUTING]
241
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:44,055
♪ The bosun's mate is very sedate
Yet fond of amusement too ♪
242
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:46,391
♪ He plays hopscotch
On the starboard watch ♪
243
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,309
♪ While the captain tickles the crew ♪
244
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,729
♪ The gunner's not bad
But he's totally mad ♪
245
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:55,150
♪ For he sits on the after ra-ai-ail ♪
246
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,861
♪ And fires salutes
To the captain's boots ♪
247
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,612
♪ In the teeth of a raging gale ♪
248
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:02,282
-♪ Oh, blow ye winds, hi-ho ♪
-♪ Hi-ho ♪
249
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,576
-♪ A-roving we will go ♪
-♪ We'll go ♪
250
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,870
♪ We'll stay no more
On England's shore ♪
251
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:11,082
♪ So let the music play-ay-ay ♪
252
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:13,877
-♪ I'm off for the morning train ♪
-♪ Yo-ho ♪
253
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,212
-♪ I'll cross the raging main ♪
-♪ Ahoy ♪
254
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:20,884
♪ I'm off for my love with a boxing glove
Ten thousand miles away ♪
255
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:39,944
♪ Ten thousand miles ♪
256
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:45,325
♪ Away ♪
257
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:48,536
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
258
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,331
[INAUDIBLE]
259
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,714
Well, if you can't beat them, join them.
260
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:14,312
♪ Nothing could be finer
Than to be in Carolina in the ♪
261
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,689
[SQUAWKS THEN WHISTLES]
262
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,732
♪ Morning ♪
263
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:23,613
♪ No one could be sweeter than my sweetie
When I greet her in the ♪
264
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,115
[SQUAWKS THEN WHISTLES]
265
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,033
♪ Morning ♪
266
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:32,872
♪ Where the morning glories ♪
267
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:36,584
♪ Twine around the door ♪
268
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,797
♪ Whispering pretty stories ♪
269
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,424
♪ Pretty stories, pretty stories ♪
270
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:45,343
♪ I long to hear once more ♪
271
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,553
[SQUAWKING]
272
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:51,599
♪ Strolling with my girlie
Where the dew is pearly early in the ♪
273
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,184
[SQUAWKS THEN WHISTLES]
274
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,186
♪ Morning ♪
275
00:14:56,354 --> 00:15:00,900
♪ Butterflies all flutter up
And kiss each little buttercup at ♪
276
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:02,402
[SQUAWKS THEN WHISTLES]
277
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,446
♪ Dawning ♪
278
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:10,410
♪ If I had Aladdin's lamp for only a day ♪
279
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:14,122
♪ I'd make a wish
And here's what I'd say ♪
280
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,248
Hi, toots.
281
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:19,878
♪ Nothing could be finer
Than to be in Carolina in the ♪
282
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,922
♪ Morning ♪
283
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,841
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
284
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,968
[SINGING GIBBERISH]
285
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:46,696
♪ If I had Aladdin's lamp for only a ♪
286
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:47,864
[WHISTLES]
287
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,200
♪ I'd make a ♪
288
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,409
♪ Here's what I'd ♪
289
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:52,535
[SQUAWKS]
290
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:57,207
♪ Nothing could be finer
Than to be in Carolina in the ♪
291
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,042
[SQUAWKS THEN WHISTLES]
292
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,168
♪ Morning ♪
293
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,878
Pieces of eight.
294
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,130
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
295
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,684
[WIND WHISTLING AND SHIP CREAKING]
296
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:19,104
-Oh.
-Good grief. Scooter, what are you doing?
297
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,189
You're supposed to be setting up
the next act.
298
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:23,191
Oh, I'm feeling a little seasick, boss.
299
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:26,152
-Oh, nonsense. You've never looked better.
-Huh?
300
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,947
Okay, set up At the Dance!
At the Dance, please!
301
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:32,075
-Oh! Oh! Excuse me, boss!
-Whoa!
302
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,828
Come on, you guys!
Lot of enthusiasm and energy!
303
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:39,791
-We don't wanna lose that audience.
-Oh, I just don't wanna lose my lunch.
304
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,334
Uh, that too.
305
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,171
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
306
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,678
Ah. I think I see a free table.
307
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,556
-Really? Where?
-It's right behind you!
308
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,099
[ALL SHOUTING]
309
00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,270
Uh, have you parrots
always known how to talk?
310
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:05,191
No. The first school for talking parrots
began over 2000 years ago
311
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:08,445
by one of Ben-Hur's great-aunts.
312
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,988
Was it any good?
313
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:15,285
You mean you haven't heard
of the famous Parrots of Ben's Aunt's?
314
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,120
[ALL SHOUTING]
315
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:23,710
You know that pirate they call Peg Leg,
he's a pretty good dancer.
316
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:27,380
Of course.
I knew I'd seen him somewhere before.
317
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,798
Oh, where was that?
318
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,967
At the hop.
319
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:34,971
Keelhaul the writers!
320
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,725
Hoist the laugh track!
321
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,477
[ALL SHOUTING]
322
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,939
-Oh! Uh, do you have a ring in your ear?
-No.
323
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,359
Well, all real pirates have a ring
in their ear.
324
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,527
I never heard that.
325
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:52,989
-Oh!
-Now do you hear it? Ha-ha-ha!
326
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,158
[ALL SHOUTING THEN OBJECTS SHATTERING]
327
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,374
[MUPPET SPORTS THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
328
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,335
Hi there, sports fans.
329
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:10,006
It's Louis Kazagger here
with the Wild World of Muppet Sports.
330
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:14,928
Today, we're going to see a new record
set for yardarm hanging.
331
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:19,599
-How long have you been hanging there?
-Over 36 hours.
332
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,977
Another five minutes,
and I set a new record.
333
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:24,145
I see.
334
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:28,191
Well, can you tell us a little
about yardarm hanging?
335
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:32,779
Well, the main thing
is you got to never look down.
336
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:36,199
That way, you may get dizzy and fall.
337
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,451
Uh, yes, I can understand that.
338
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:41,371
Uh, how high up is this yardarm?
339
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,206
Golly, I don't know.
340
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,959
Well, this must be a hundred and some--
341
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:49,129
[GROANING]
342
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,673
[YELLS]
343
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,092
You've still got a chance!
Grab on to something!
344
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,969
No, no! Not the mic cord!
345
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,178
[SCREAMS]
346
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:03,101
Okay, Shakey Sanchez on-stage, please!
Shakey Sanchez!
347
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,227
-Kermit?
-Hm?
348
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,771
-Are you feeling okay?
-Why?
349
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:09,816
Well, you look kind of green.
350
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,901
I'm always green.
351
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,737
Well, how do you know when you're sick?
352
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,822
[GROANS]
353
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,867
-Oh, good luck, Shakey.
-Aah!
354
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,785
Don't do that.
355
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:22,287
[YELPS]
356
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,580
Sorry.
357
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,874
-Who was he?
-Uh, that's Shakey Sanchez
358
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,834
and his bomb balancing act.
359
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,545
-He does a bomb balancing act?
-Yeah.
360
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,506
It's a good thing
the sea is calmer than it was.
361
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:36,217
-Hello, Kermie.
-Whoa!
362
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:38,511
Uh, Piggy? Would you come back?
363
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:42,640
-Kermie, I'm busy. I can't now.
-But, Pi-- You're rocking--
364
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:47,479
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
only 20 nerve-shredding seconds to go!
365
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:50,190
-Piggy! Back this way!
-Kermie, I can't now.
366
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:53,943
-You're rocking the boat!
-I throw the bomb high up into the air!
367
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,362
-Piggy, stop!
-What?
368
00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:57,072
I got it! I got it!
369
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:59,616
-What?
-Yeah! Ah!
370
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,577
I got it! You forgot something!
371
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,287
[KERMIT YELPS]
372
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,001
I don't believe this!
373
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:11,211
[SCREAMING]
374
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:15,590
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
they say the show must go on,
375
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:18,593
but they never say why.
Right now, the show must not go on!
376
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:21,262
Because I quit! I give up!
Our guest star's a pirate,
377
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:24,140
the theater's sailing out to sea,
and I'm losing my mind!
378
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,602
Kermit, no, you can't stop the show now,
not before the grand finale.
379
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:28,728
What grand finale?
380
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:30,689
The musical battle at sea!
381
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,692
No, no, no!
There will be no musical battle at sea!
382
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,402
Too late, Kermit. Look!
383
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:37,696
[CANNONBALL SOARING]
384
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,156
Fire the number one cannon!
385
00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:45,078
And that was only a warning shot.
386
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:51,835
All hands on deck
for the musical battle at sea!
387
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:57,007
♪ Sailing, sailing
Over the bounding main ♪
388
00:20:57,090 --> 00:21:01,344
♪ Where many a stormy wind shall blow
'Til Jack comes home again ♪
389
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:05,265
♪ Sailing, sailing
Over the bounding main ♪
390
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:09,644
♪ Where many a stormy wind shall blow
'Til Jack comes home again ♪
391
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:15,275
-Home again, home again.
-Fire number one cannon!
392
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:16,609
Fire number two cannon!
393
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:20,822
What's going on here, Jackson?
All right, that does it!
394
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:23,575
Stop doing these terrible things
to my frog's theater!
395
00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:25,326
Okay, just for a change,
396
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,954
I'll do something terrible
to your frog's pig!
397
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,456
-What?
-Come with me!
398
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,958
-Help me here! Tie her up!
-Let go of me! Kermit!
399
00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:33,209
Tie her to the mast!
400
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,712
Make her walk the plank! Tie her up!
401
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,214
Wait a minute! Help! Help!
402
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,424
Help!
403
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,676
-We be out of ammunition.
PIGGY: Help!
404
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,347
Drat and bedraggled!
What are we gonna use?
405
00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:48,975
Hey! Why don't you use us?
That's what we do best!
406
00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:51,644
-Hey!
-The Flying Zucchinis!
407
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:53,688
The human cannonballs!
408
00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:55,523
We're saved!
409
00:21:57,567 --> 00:22:00,570
Load them up! Blow them away!
410
00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:04,949
A chicken?
411
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:08,161
That means that
that ship is under the command
412
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:13,166
of the scourge of the sea,
Gonzo the Great!
413
00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:18,171
♪ Anchors away, my boys ♪
414
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:21,049
♪ Sail through the foam ♪
415
00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:22,175
Arriba!
416
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:25,845
♪ Until we meet once more ♪
417
00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:30,266
♪ Here's wishing you a happy voyage home ♪
418
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,071
Ahoy, Muppet Theater!
419
00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:45,281
Stand by to be boarded!
420
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:47,659
You know what to do, girls!
421
00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:50,704
[YELLS]
422
00:22:53,123 --> 00:22:54,165
We've boarded!
423
00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:56,960
You villain!
424
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,879
A living grappling hook!
425
00:22:59,963 --> 00:23:03,049
Come on, me hearties!
426
00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:07,303
♪ Sailing, sailing
Over the bounding main ♪
427
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:11,391
♪ Anchors away ♪
428
00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:15,395
♪ Sailing, sailing
Over the bounding main ♪
429
00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:19,274
♪ Anchors away ♪
430
00:23:19,357 --> 00:23:21,651
♪ Sailing, sailing ♪
431
00:23:21,735 --> 00:23:23,903
♪ Anchors away ♪
432
00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:25,613
♪ Sailing, sailing ♪
433
00:23:25,697 --> 00:23:27,907
♪ Anchors away ♪
434
00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:32,787
Ah! Ah! Watch this, folks.
435
00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:35,665
-Get her, Kermit.
-I will.
436
00:23:35,749 --> 00:23:37,751
GONZO:
Come on.
437
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,627
KERMIT:
Yeah, yeah.
438
00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:47,260
Ha, ha! Ha, ha!
We won, we won, we won! Victory is ours!
439
00:23:47,344 --> 00:23:50,680
Tie her up, Sweetums.
There's only one thing left to say.
440
00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:52,057
What?
441
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:54,225
♪ We love to roam out yonder ♪
442
00:23:54,309 --> 00:23:55,852
Hurry. Unh.
443
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:57,520
♪ Upon the water ♪
444
00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:59,981
[ALL SHOUTING AND CHEERING]
445
00:24:00,065 --> 00:24:01,733
♪ Free as the eagle flying ♪
446
00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:03,485
♪ I'm roping and a-tying ♪
447
00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:07,739
♪ I'm roping and a-tying ♪
448
00:24:09,366 --> 00:24:12,702
♪ Give me my ranch and my saddle ♪
449
00:24:12,786 --> 00:24:16,206
♪ Far from the great city's rattle ♪
450
00:24:16,289 --> 00:24:19,709
♪ Give me a big herd to battle ♪
451
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:23,838
♪ For I just love herding cattle ♪
452
00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:25,757
♪ Fifteen men on a dead man's chest ♪
453
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,427
♪ Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum ♪
454
00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:31,596
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
455
00:24:41,564 --> 00:24:43,525
Okay, and thus, we come to the end
456
00:24:43,608 --> 00:24:45,944
of what must be the weirdest
Muppet Show of all,
457
00:24:46,027 --> 00:24:49,572
thanks to our very special guest star,
ladies and gentlemen, Miss Glenda Jackson!
458
00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:51,116
[CHEERS]
459
00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:53,243
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
460
00:24:53,326 --> 00:24:56,413
Thank you very much, Kermit.
I really enjoyed playing a pirate.
461
00:24:56,496 --> 00:24:59,040
-But you think I might possibly--?
-Uh, oh, yeah.
462
00:24:59,124 --> 00:25:02,544
Sweetums, untie the guest star.
Quick, hurry up there.
463
00:25:02,627 --> 00:25:05,797
Uh, Glenda, I really believed
you were an honest-to-goodness pirate.
464
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,174
Oh, really? That's very kind of you.
465
00:25:08,258 --> 00:25:12,470
Yeah, okay. Well, there she is.
Now, that's the real Glenda Jackson.
466
00:25:12,554 --> 00:25:13,972
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
467
00:25:14,055 --> 00:25:15,640
Wrong, frog!
468
00:25:15,724 --> 00:25:18,560
The real Captain Jackson!
469
00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,103
[KERMIT YELLS]
470
00:25:20,186 --> 00:25:22,439
What? What?
471
00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:27,652
PIGGY: Help! Help!
-Tie them up, me boys,
472
00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:29,988
and take them below!
473
00:25:30,071 --> 00:25:32,782
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show!
474
00:25:33,825 --> 00:25:35,827
Don't hold your breath.
475
00:25:35,910 --> 00:25:37,912
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
476
00:26:17,535 --> 00:26:20,372
I wonder why they call this thing
a crow's nest.
477
00:26:22,499 --> 00:26:25,210
Get out of my nest, you dummies.
35626
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