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1
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[KNOCKING]
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Kenny Rogers.
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Kenny.
3
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,842
Thanks. While you're here,
I wanna ask you something.
4
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:12,804
I don't wanna seem ungrateful.
What is all this junk in my dressing room?
5
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-You know my uncle who owns this theater?
-Yeah, so?
6
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Well, he sold the mineral rights
to your dressing room.
7
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Before we start drilling,
where should we park the camels?
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It's The Muppet Show,
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with our very special guest star,
Kenny Rogers.
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[CHEERING]
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
14
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
15
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♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
16
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♪ Why don't they make things funny? ♪
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[BOTH LAUGH]
18
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,192
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
20
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[HONKS]
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What were you expecting? Rachmaninoff?
24
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[SIGHS]
25
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
26
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Thank you, thank you,
thank you, all of you.
27
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Kissy-kissy. Kissy-kissy. Ahem.
28
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Bonjour and welcome
to The Muppet Show, everyone.
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Our very special guest star tonight
is Mr. Kenny Rogers.
30
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But first let me explain
why I am here to greet you.
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Our own dear Kermie has agreed to appear
with petite little moi
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in the opening number.
33
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He is all ready,
so let us go to le circus.
34
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[BAND PLAYING LIVELY CIRCUS MUSIC]
35
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♪ He flies through the air
With the greatest of ease ♪
36
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♪ That daring young frog
On the flying trapeze ♪
37
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I don't know
how she gets me into these things.
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Are you ready, Kermit?
39
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Yeah. Just don't push me hard.
40
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-What?
-Push me hard.
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Okay.
42
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[YELLING]
43
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[GRUNTS THEN GROANS]
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PIGGY:
Oh, Kermie! Oh! Oh!
45
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Kermie, are you all right? Are you?
46
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Yeah, I think so.
I'm just a little woozy, that's all.
47
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Oh, Kermie.
48
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-Close the curtains.
-Yes.
49
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Wow, what a terrific act.
You want a partner?
50
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Oh!
51
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Oh, Kermit!
52
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Uh, Gonzo, get him backstage.
53
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Ah!
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Don't worry.
It's all part of the act. Um...
55
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Is there a doctor in the house?
56
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MAN:
Yes, I'm a doctor.
57
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-Oh, could you come up here, sir, please?
MAN: I'll be right up.
58
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I told him to use a safety net.
59
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But what do I know? I'm only a bear.
60
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-Can I help you up, sir?
-Thank you.
61
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Gee, are you a real doctor?
62
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Of course I'm a real doctor.
63
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You wanna see my bank balance?
64
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He's backstage. He's just backstage.
65
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Uh, don't worry.
Uh, there'll be a slight delay.
66
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Just talk amongst yourselves.
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Uh... Oh...
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Aw, poor little guy. Hope he's not hurt.
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Well, at least he got the pig
to stop singing.
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Oh, Kermie.
71
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Hey, Kermit, are they really drilling
for oil in Kenny's dressing room?
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Who cares? My frog is hurt.
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Hey, Kermit, anything I can do to help?
74
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,974
Oh, Kenny, uh, listen, it's just a sprain.
75
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But could you send somebody on-stage
to stall until we get the show going?
76
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Sure. Zoot, do us a favor.
Run out and play something for the people.
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Oh, yeah.
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Kermit, I'll get you an ice pack.
I'll be right back.
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SCOOTER:
Come on, Zoot.
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-Oh, thanks.
-Oh.
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SCOOTER:
Get on-stage.
82
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:03,118
My poor brave hero.
Is the pain unbearable?
83
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,245
No, I'm just a little shaken up.
84
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,997
Give it to us straight, doc. How is he?
85
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He'll soon be hopping around good as new.
86
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:14,295
-Oh, that's wonderful, Kermie.
-Ah, terrific.
87
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,673
Oh, Beaker, have you got
that hospital bed over there?
88
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[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]
89
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KERMIT:
Yeah, get that on-stage right away.
90
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I've got the perfect musical number
that we can do next.
91
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Why, Kermie? Why must you go on?
92
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Because he's a star.
93
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And a star knows that the show must go on.
94
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I knew that.
95
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I just forgot for a minute there.
96
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[ZOOT PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
97
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Okay, Zoot, that's enough. Good.
98
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[ZOOT HONKS]
99
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Uh, ahem, ladies and gentlemen,
100
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although our beloved Kermit
has been seriously injured--
101
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KERMIT: Wait, wait, wait.
-He--
102
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What? Seriously injured?
I twisted a flipper.
103
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FOZZIE:
Go back, go back, go back. Ahem.
104
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:01,676
Although he has
a severely twisted flipper,
105
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,888
he is going to go on with the show.
106
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,644
Yes, yes, yes.
107
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Here he is,
our own Kermit the Frog in... In...
108
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KERMIT:
A hospital bed.
109
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A hospital bed?
110
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[BAND PLAYING FOLK MUSIC]
111
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♪ Frog, he bought a coconut
He bought it for a dime ♪
112
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♪ His nephew had another one
He paid it for a lime ♪
113
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Whew.
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♪ He put the lime in the coconut
He drank them both up ♪
115
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♪ He put the lime in the coconut
Drank them both up ♪
116
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NURSES: ♪ He put the lime in the coconut
He drank them both up ♪
117
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♪ He put the lime in the coconut ♪
118
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♪ He called the doctor, woke him up
Said ♪
119
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♪ Doctor ♪
120
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,518
♪ Ain't there nothing I can take
I say ♪
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NURSE & KERMIT:
♪ Doctor ♪
122
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♪ To relieve this flipper ache?
I said ♪
123
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NURSES & KERMIT:
♪ Doctor ♪
124
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♪ Ain't there nothing I can take
I say ♪
125
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NURSES & KERMIT:
♪ Doctor ♪
126
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,361
♪ To relieve this flipper ache? ♪
127
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,946
♪ Now let me get this straight ♪
128
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,116
♪ You put the lime in the coconut
You drank them both up? ♪
129
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,160
♪ You put the lime in the coconut
You drank them both up? ♪
130
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BOTH: ♪ He put the lime in the coconut
He drank them both up ♪
131
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♪ You put the lime in the coconut ♪
132
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♪ You called your doctor, woke him up
Said ♪
133
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DOCTOR & KERMIT:
♪ Doctor ♪
134
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,879
♪ Ain't there nothing I can take
I said ♪
135
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,047
♪ Doctor ♪
136
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,091
♪ To relieve this flipper ache?
I said ♪
137
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,342
♪ Doctor ♪
138
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,386
♪ Ain't there nothing I can take
I said ♪
139
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,679
♪ Doctor ♪
140
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,222
♪ To relieve this flipper ache? ♪
141
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:32,684
♪ You put the lime in the coconut
You drank them both together ♪
142
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:36,021
♪ Put the lime in the coconut
Then you'll feel better ♪
143
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,190
♪ Put the lime in the coconut
You drank them both up ♪
144
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:43,611
♪ Put the lime in the coconut
And call me in the morning ♪
145
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♪ Frog, he bought a coconut ♪
146
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KERMIT: ♪ Frog, he bought a coconut
He bought it for a dime ♪
147
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♪ His nephew had another one
He paid it for a lime ♪
148
00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,545
♪ He put the lime in the coconut
He drank them both up ♪
149
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:02,464
♪ He put the lime in the coconut ♪
150
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,424
♪ He called the doctor, woke him up
Said ♪
151
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,550
♪ Doctor ♪
152
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,510
♪ Ain't there nothing I can take
I said ♪
153
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,762
♪ Doctor ♪
154
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,597
♪ To relieve this flipper ache?
I said ♪
155
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,057
♪ Doctor ♪
156
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,100
♪ Ain't there nothing I can take?
I said ♪
157
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,310
♪ Doctor ♪
158
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,480
ALL: ♪ You put the lime in the coconut
You drink them both up ♪
159
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,775
♪ You put the lime in the coconut
You drink them both up ♪
160
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:25,236
♪ You put the lime in the coconut
You drink them both together ♪
161
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,323
♪ Put the lime in the coconut
Then you'll feel better ♪
162
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:31,743
♪ Put the lime in the coconut
Drink them both down ♪
163
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:35,080
♪ Put the lime in the coconut
And call me in the morning ♪
164
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:38,166
♪ If you call me in the morning
I'll tell you what to do ♪
165
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:41,461
♪ If you call me in the morning
I'll tell you what to do ♪
166
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:44,214
♪ If you call me in the morning ♪
167
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:48,009
If you call me in the morning,
I'll tell you what to do.
168
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,553
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
169
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[ANIMALS CALLING]
170
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,728
Ever gone to a witch doctor?
171
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They're all witch.
172
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,107
Ever heard of a poor doctor?
173
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:08,530
Fellas, I really don't mind your drilling
for oil in my dressing room,
174
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:11,825
but your camel just stepped on my guitar
and broke it.
175
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:15,328
Do not worry about the guitar.
We will buy you a new one.
176
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,705
I should hope so.
177
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,373
Excuse me. Oops.
178
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,166
-Oh, hi, Scooter.
-Hi, Kenny.
179
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:23,545
-Oh, Kermit's still not feeling well.
-Oh, that's too bad.
180
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:27,882
Do not worry about the frog.
We will buy you a new one.
181
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,509
Will you stop that?
182
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,887
Oh, it's all right, Kenny.
We got him resting in a hospital bed.
183
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,640
Great. You're not gonna
have to cancel the show, are you?
184
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:36,850
[MACHINE POWERING UP]
185
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,977
No, but we have to delay
your opening number.
186
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,271
-That's fine.
-So just stay here and relax.
187
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:44,691
[MACHINE GRINDING]
188
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,693
-What?
-I said, just stay here and relax.
189
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,071
-What?!
-I said, stay here and relax!
190
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,406
I'll try.
191
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,574
What?
192
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:53,825
I said, I'll try!
193
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,076
What?!
194
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,537
-I will try!
-Oh!
195
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,959
NEWSMAN:
Now for a Muppet News Flash.
196
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:08,757
Muppet Labs has announced that they are
recalling their latest-model hospital bed
197
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:12,052
used in the "Lime and Coconut"
production number.
198
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:17,015
The beds were built on an assembly line
formerly used for pop-up toasters.
199
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,517
[SPRING BOINGS THEN KERMIT YELLS]
200
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:27,942
Foo-Foo, do you promise to be nice
to Dada Froggy?
201
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,486
Oh!
202
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,737
Kermie!
203
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,907
It's lucky I broke his fall with my desk.
204
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:38,244
Oh. Oh, Kermie,
I am ready to nurse you back to health.
205
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,412
[YELPS]
206
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,538
Oh.
207
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,541
Piggy, I'm only just black and blue
and green.
208
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,959
[BARKING]
209
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,920
And call off this dog of yours, would you?
210
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,422
Aw. Foo-Foo loves Dada.
211
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,882
Yeah, heh, heh.
212
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,802
Will you stop that?
Now, listen, dog, I'm ticklish!
213
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:55,720
Foo-Foo, Foo-Foo.
214
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,389
And I'm not that dog's dada!
215
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,057
PIGGY:
Look out for the stairs!
216
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,517
[KERMIT & PIGGY SCREAM]
217
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,352
[THUDDING]
218
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,234
My uncle Kermit isn't quite himself today.
219
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,237
He sort of keeps falling down on the job.
220
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,865
So I thought I'd come out here
as heir apparent--
221
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,117
KERMIT:
Robin!
222
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,495
Just kidding, Uncle Kermit.
223
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:24,040
Anyway, I'm here
to introduce tonight's guest star.
224
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:28,837
I really love his singing,
and this is a really great song.
225
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,507
At least, I think it is.
I'm not old enough to understand it.
226
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,885
But here he is, Mr. Kenny Rogers!
227
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,804
[CHEERS]
228
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,932
[BAND PLAYING "THE GAMBLER"]
229
00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:43,018
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
230
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,771
♪ On a warm summer's evenin' ♪
231
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:50,108
♪ On a train bound for nowhere ♪
232
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,569
♪ I met up with a gambler ♪
233
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,321
♪ We were both too tired to sleep ♪
234
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:58,324
♪ So we took turns a-starin' ♪
235
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:01,286
♪ Out the window at the darkness ♪
236
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:04,539
♪ 'Til boredom overtook us ♪
237
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,083
♪ And he began to speak
He said ♪
238
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:13,131
♪ Son, I've made my life
Out of readin' people's faces ♪
239
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:18,219
♪ Knowin' what their cards were
By the way they held their eyes ♪
240
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:23,975
♪ So if you don't mind my sayin'
I can see you're out of aces ♪
241
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:29,397
♪ For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice ♪
242
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,277
♪ So I handed him my bottle ♪
243
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,655
♪ And he drank down my last swallow ♪
244
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,200
♪ Then he bummed a cigarette ♪
245
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,577
♪ Asked me for light ♪
246
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,747
♪ And the night got deathly quiet ♪
247
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,083
♪ His face lost all expression ♪
248
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:53,922
♪ If you're gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right ♪
249
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:57,509
♪ You gotta know when to hold them ♪
250
00:11:57,592 --> 00:12:00,345
♪ Know when to fold them ♪
251
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,430
♪ Know when to walk away ♪
252
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:05,308
♪ And know when to run ♪
253
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,061
♪ You never count your money ♪
254
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,855
♪ When you're sittin' at the table ♪
255
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,775
♪ There'll be time enough for countin' ♪
256
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,403
♪ When the dealin's done ♪
257
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,618
♪ Now, every gambler knows ♪
258
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:26,371
♪ The secret to survivin' ♪
259
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:29,207
♪ Is knowin' what to throw away ♪
260
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,751
♪ And knowin' what to keep ♪
261
00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:34,921
♪ 'Cause every hand's a winner ♪
262
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,049
♪ And every hand's a loser ♪
263
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,010
♪ Best that you can hope for ♪
264
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,179
♪ Is to die in your sleep ♪
265
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,974
♪ When he'd finished speakin' ♪
266
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:49,394
♪ He turned back toward the window ♪
267
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,855
♪ Crushed out his cigarette ♪
268
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,649
♪ Faded off to sleep ♪
269
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,277
♪ And somewhere in the darkness ♪
270
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,238
♪ The gambler, he broke even ♪
271
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,282
♪ But in his final words ♪
272
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,535
♪ I found an ace that I could keep ♪
273
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:09,414
♪ You got to know when to hold them ♪
274
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:12,125
♪ Know when to fold them ♪
275
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,711
♪ Know when to walk away ♪
276
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,088
♪ And know when to run ♪
277
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,799
♪ You never count your money ♪
278
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,302
♪ When you're sittin' at the table ♪
279
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:26,097
♪ There'll be time enough for countin' ♪
280
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:27,807
♪ When the dealin's done ♪
281
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,310
♪ You got to know when to hold them ♪
282
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,561
♪ When to hold them ♪
283
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,188
♪ Know when to fold them ♪
284
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,522
♪ When to fold them ♪
285
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,192
♪ Know when to walk away ♪
286
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,319
-♪ And know when to run ♪
-♪ That's right ♪
287
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:42,364
-♪ You never count your money ♪
-♪ No, sir ♪
288
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,657
♪ When you're sittin' at the table ♪
289
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:48,244
♪ There'll be time enough for countin' ♪
290
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,246
-♪ When the dealin's done ♪
-♪ You got it! ♪
291
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:54,042
-♪ You got to know when to hold them ♪
-♪ When to hold them ♪
292
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:57,087
KENNY & CHORUS: ♪ Know when to fold them ♪
-♪ When to fold them ♪
293
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,381
KENNY & CHORUS:
♪ Know when to walk away ♪
294
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,424
-♪ And know when to run ♪
-♪ That's right ♪
295
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:04,260
♪ You never count your money ♪
296
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,805
♪ When you're sittin' at the table ♪
297
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:10,350
♪ There'll be time enough for countin' ♪
298
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:13,645
♪ When the dealin's done ♪
299
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,691
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
300
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,618
[PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
301
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:32,330
♪ I've just been to a "ding-dong"
Down dear old Brixton way ♪
302
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,792
♪ Old Mother Brown the Pearly Queen's
A hundred years today! ♪
303
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:39,921
♪ Oh, what a celebration!
Was proper lah-di-dah ♪
304
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:44,634
♪ Until they rolled the carpet up,
And shouted: "Nah then, Ma!" ♪
305
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,011
[ALL] Oh!
306
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:49,556
♪ Knees up Mother Brown
Knees up Mother Brown ♪
307
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:53,393
♪ Under the table you must go
Ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-oh ♪
308
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,813
♪ If I catch you bending
I'll saw your legs right off ♪
309
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,773
♪ So knees up, knees up
Don't get the breeze up ♪
310
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,567
♪ Knees up Mother Brown ♪
311
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,653
[PUB GUEST] That's right! Yeah! Oi-oi!
312
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:07,741
♪ Bill drove up on his burro
Just like a proper swell ♪
313
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:11,077
♪ And Mother Brown said: "Come inside
And bring your moke as well!" ♪
314
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:14,622
♪ It nibbled grandad's whiskers
Then started kicking out ♪
315
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:19,878
♪ And as Ma Brown went through the window
We began to shout ♪
316
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,379
[ALL] Ooh!
317
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:24,716
♪ Knees up Mother Brown
Knees up Mother Brown ♪
318
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:28,470
♪ Under the table you must go
Ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-oh♪
319
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,348
♪ If I catch you bending
I'll saw your legs right off ♪
320
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,516
♪ So knees up, knees up
don't get the breeze up ♪
321
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,226
♪ Knees up Mother Brown ♪
322
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,687
[FOZZIE] Last verse.
323
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:42,859
♪ A crowd stood round the window
They'd had a lovely time ♪
324
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:46,112
♪ The kids sat on the railings
thought it was a pantomime♪
325
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:50,075
♪ Pa went round with his titfer
collected one and three♪
326
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:55,330
♪ We shouted: "Come on Mother,
Show 'em your agility!" ♪
327
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,790
[ALL] Ooh!
328
00:15:56,873 --> 00:16:00,418
♪ Knees up Mother Brown
Knees up Mother Brown ♪
329
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:03,880
♪ Under the table you must go
Ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-oh ♪
330
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,050
♪ If I catch you bending
I'll saw your legs right off ♪
331
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,219
♪ So knees up, knees up
don't get the breeze up ♪
332
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,428
♪ Knees up Mother Brown ♪
333
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:14,182
♪ Oh my, what a rotten song ♪
334
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:17,852
♪ What a rotten song
What a rotten song ♪
335
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:21,147
♪ Oh my, what a rotten song ♪
336
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:24,609
♪ And what a rotten singer too-oo-ooh ♪
337
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:31,825
[GRUNTING]
338
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:34,953
NARRATOR: Time once again
for Veterinarian's Hospital,
339
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:40,166
the continuing story of a quack
who's gone to the dogs.
340
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,460
Well, Nurse Janice,
who's the next patient?
341
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:45,213
Well, see for yourself, Dr. Bob.
342
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,506
[NURSES & BOB GASP]
343
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,967
Oh, it's Kermit! My Kermie!
344
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:52,012
-Oh! Oh! Oh!
-All right, take it easy. I'm okay.
345
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,347
Quiet. This is a very dramatic moment.
346
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,224
Oh! Oh! Oh!
347
00:16:56,307 --> 00:17:01,521
Kermie, I shall nurse you back to health
if it takes a lifetime. Oh!
348
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,898
What do you think's wrong with him,
Dr. Bob?
349
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:07,110
Well, for one thing,
he's been badly exposed to overacting.
350
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,653
[BOB & JANICE LAUGH]
351
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:11,740
Either that or overexposed to bad acting.
352
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:16,870
I am not acting. I love him.
353
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:21,374
Uh, Nurse Piggy, you cannot let
your personal feelings affect your duty.
354
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,460
You are a nurse.
355
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:27,213
I may be a nurse, but I'm a woman first.
356
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:31,176
Wrong. You're a pig first. Nurse second.
357
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,887
I don't think "woman" made the top ten.
358
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:37,557
-Dr. Bob.
-He's all right. He's all right.
359
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,060
It just looks like
he was under heavy sedation.
360
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,228
Well, he was under heavy sedation.
361
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:46,566
A 50-pound box of sleeping pills
fell on his head.
362
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,026
It did not.
363
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:51,321
Well, I know, but it's my only joke.
364
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,949
Oh, my poor, poor Kermie. Oh.
365
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:58,244
Well, he's still breathing,
but I think his pulse is weak.
366
00:17:58,328 --> 00:17:59,371
Oh, Kermie.
367
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:02,165
Kermie, can you hear me?
This is Nurse Piggy.
368
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:07,671
I will never leave your side
till you have taken your last breath.
369
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,464
Do you think he heard me?
370
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,758
He must have. His pulse has stopped.
371
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:16,763
If anything happens to him,
you will have me to account to.
372
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:19,891
Good. I was wondering
who was gonna pay his bill.
373
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:24,145
NARRATOR: And so we come to the end
of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
374
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:27,273
Tune in next week,
when you'll hear Kermit say:
375
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:29,609
Let me out of here.
I wanna get out of here.
376
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,861
No, no, Kermie! No, no, don't, no.
377
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:34,823
Stay here, where it's safe.
378
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,408
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
379
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:39,077
Oh, really? Really?
380
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,371
[BOB LAUGHING]
381
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,831
Did you see that?
382
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:46,418
Yes, the frog is certainly
taking a beating on this show.
383
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:48,294
It's hard to feel sorry for him.
384
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:50,296
We take a beating every show.
385
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:56,344
[GROANING]
386
00:18:57,846 --> 00:19:00,098
Hey, Kermit, are you okay?
387
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,641
Oh, I'm okay, Kenny.
388
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:04,310
If I can survive that bit,
I can survive anything.
389
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,689
Very durable frog.
390
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,027
NEWSMAN:
Here's a Muppet News Flash.
391
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:17,115
The makers of the light fixture used
in that last Veterinarian's Hospital
392
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:21,036
have announced that they are recalling
all of their hospital lights.
393
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,829
A spokesman for the company said
394
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:27,500
that all manufacturing of that particular
light fixture has been dropped.
395
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:28,668
[GROANS]
396
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,631
Do they sell insurance for this show?
397
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,805
Oh, oh. Lean on me, dearest.
398
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:44,726
Uh, Piggy,
I don't have to lean on anybody.
399
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:45,977
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
400
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:50,690
The Great Gonzo will now shoot himself
heavenward in a catapult
401
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:53,234
and skywrite the "Hallelujah Chorus."
402
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:55,528
Good grief.
403
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:59,407
Ladies and gentlemen, The Great Gonzo!
404
00:19:59,491 --> 00:20:00,617
[SPARSE APPLAUSE]
405
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,370
Um... Yay!
406
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,833
[EXHALES]
407
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,460
Ladies and gentlemen,
408
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:14,756
I will once again defy death
and good taste.
409
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:19,427
May I have a drumroll
for my catapult, please?
410
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:21,262
[DRUMROLL]
411
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,056
[GRUNTING]
412
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,349
Uh-oh.
413
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,728
Kermit, I'm in trouble. Help!
414
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:30,855
[GRUNTING]
415
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:33,191
-Hurry!
-Okay.
416
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,360
-Piggy, I don't need help.
-Yes, dear.
417
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,195
This is humiliating. Just help me.
418
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:40,407
-What's the matter?
-Look, help me pull the lever.
419
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:43,243
-What, this lever over here?
-No, this lever.
420
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,078
[BOTH SCREAM]
421
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:47,664
[GASPS]
422
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,624
What happened?
423
00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:52,627
Those two stole my act!
424
00:20:52,711 --> 00:20:56,006
Curtain, Scooter. Get the curtain down.
Move this. Curtain!
425
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,132
-What?
-Curtain!
426
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,259
-I worked all week!
-Who cares?
427
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,636
GONZO:
Ouch! You stepped on my foot! Ow!
428
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,973
Um... Uh, you okay, Piggy?
429
00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:08,059
FOZZIE: Don't yell at me!
GONZO: I'm sorry, but I'm upset!
430
00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,352
Quiet down out there.
431
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,771
Uh, we gotta restore order around here.
432
00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:13,440
Is Kenny Rogers back there?
433
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:14,858
Oh, Kenny!
434
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,194
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
435
00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:24,534
Kermit, I honestly don't believe
what's going on around here.
436
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,871
-Are you okay? Are you hurt?
-Oh, no, I'm fine, Kenny.
437
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:31,041
I wonder if you could you sing a song
or something not crazy.
438
00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,376
-Yes, please.
-Yeah, let me get my guitar.
439
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:36,796
Can we get the curtains open?
I'll get my guitar and stuff.
440
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:41,593
I can see where this place
would need some calming down after that.
441
00:21:41,676 --> 00:21:45,096
This is a sing-along, and I want everybody
to help us out with this.
442
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:46,514
This is really simple.
443
00:21:46,598 --> 00:21:49,184
You help me out.
Now, I'll show you how it goes.
444
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:53,271
♪ Love lifted me ♪
445
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:55,815
Now, they just don't come any simpler
than that.
446
00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:59,819
♪ Love lifted me ♪
447
00:21:59,903 --> 00:22:02,405
Sounds a lot like the first part.
448
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:08,203
♪ When nothing else would do ♪
449
00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:14,626
♪ You know love lifted me ♪
450
00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:17,629
This is one of the more simple songs
you'll ever hear.
451
00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:20,507
There's no excuse
for you not to help us out and sing it.
452
00:22:20,590 --> 00:22:23,593
So if everybody's ready now,
we'll take it and here we go.
453
00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:24,969
[PLAYING "LOVE LIFTED ME"]
454
00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:28,014
♪ I'll write myself a simple song ♪
455
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:31,601
♪ And get the whole world to sing along ♪
456
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:37,023
♪ I'll call it a love song for you ♪
457
00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:45,615
♪ And who knows, I'm liable
To take a song from the Bible ♪
458
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:51,287
♪ And then when I'm through ♪
459
00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:53,289
♪ I'll just sing ♪
460
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:58,461
ALL:
♪ Love lifted me ♪
461
00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:05,552
♪ Love lifted me ♪
462
00:23:07,178 --> 00:23:14,019
♪ When nothing else would do ♪
463
00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:19,649
♪ Love lifted me ♪
464
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:26,906
♪ Love lifted me ♪
465
00:23:26,990 --> 00:23:28,199
♪ Oh ♪
466
00:23:28,283 --> 00:23:33,788
♪ Love lifted me ♪
467
00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:42,422
♪ When nothing else would do ♪
468
00:23:42,505 --> 00:23:46,676
♪ Love lifted me ♪
469
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:47,969
[MACHINE RUMBLING]
470
00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:49,929
We are deep.
471
00:23:50,013 --> 00:23:51,431
It's a gusher!
472
00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:53,016
ALL:
It's a gusher!
473
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:55,185
[ALL CHEERING]
474
00:23:56,644 --> 00:24:01,733
ALL:
♪ Love lifted me ♪
475
00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:03,443
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
476
00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:08,782
ALL:
♪ Love lifted me ♪
477
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:17,582
♪ When nothing else would do ♪
478
00:24:17,665 --> 00:24:23,254
♪ Love lifted me ♪
479
00:24:24,923 --> 00:24:29,886
♪ Love lifted me ♪
480
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,554
KENNY:
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
481
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:37,227
♪ Love lifted me ♪
482
00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:45,735
♪ When nothing else would do ♪
483
00:24:45,819 --> 00:24:50,657
♪ Love lifted ♪
484
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:58,039
♪ Me ♪
485
00:24:58,123 --> 00:25:00,125
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
486
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:10,176
Uh, well, it's been one of those shows.
487
00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:13,596
I'd like to thank our very special
guest star for holding it all together.
488
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,932
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Kenny Rogers. Yay!
489
00:25:16,016 --> 00:25:17,183
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
490
00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:19,019
Thank you.
491
00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:24,524
I wanna also say to you
this has not been all work for me.
492
00:25:24,607 --> 00:25:27,110
I have thoroughly enjoyed it,
for one thing.
493
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:30,989
Secondly, I also made an interesting trade
for some gasoline.
494
00:25:31,072 --> 00:25:33,241
Yeah? Well, what did you offer in return?
495
00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:35,076
I offered singing lessons.
496
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,245
[SINGING COUNTRY MUSIC IN MOCK ARABIC]
497
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,459
Oh, boy. We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
498
00:25:42,542 --> 00:25:44,377
Guys, you don't need to sing.
499
00:25:44,461 --> 00:25:46,546
[ALL CHATTERING]
500
00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:48,715
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
501
00:26:21,498 --> 00:26:23,124
What's the hard hat for?
502
00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:26,711
I wanna be ready in case
they start throwing pigs at us again.
38688
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