All language subtitles for The Muppet Show S03E01 Guest Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge 1080p DSNP WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-LAZY_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:01,793 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:07,215 Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge, 25 seconds to curtain, folks. 3 00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,843 -No problem. -We'll be ready. 4 00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,553 Great. Uh, by the way, 5 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:15,390 I hope you folks don't mind having to share a dressing room. 6 00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:17,350 -Nah. -No, not at all. 7 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,102 Good. Come on in, guys. 8 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,312 You can share Kris and Rita's dressing room. 9 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:23,732 Oh, boy! 10 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,900 [MUPPETS CHATTERING] 11 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:36,911 It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest stars, 12 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:39,330 Rita Coolidge and Kris Kristofferson. 13 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,498 [CHEERS] 14 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,709 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 15 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,889 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 16 00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:58,016 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 17 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:02,312 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 18 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,606 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 19 00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,733 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 20 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,735 ♪ It's time to get things started ♪ 21 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:11,071 ♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪ 22 00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:14,282 ♪ Blah-blah-blah, blah, blah-blah-blah ♪ 23 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,450 [BOTH LAUGH] 24 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:19,913 ♪ It's time to get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 25 00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:22,123 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 26 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,918 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 27 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:29,631 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 28 00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:30,799 [HICCUPPING] 29 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:34,803 Excuse me. 30 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:39,766 Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show. 31 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:41,935 We have a very special show tonight 32 00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:45,605 because we have not one but two special guest stars. 33 00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:50,735 We have Mr. Kris Kristofferson and Miss Rita Coolidge. 34 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,779 Yeah. Mm. 35 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,698 Kermie, Kermie. 36 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:55,824 Yes, Miss Piggy? 37 00:01:55,907 --> 00:02:00,328 I just want to thank you for letting me do this opening number with Kris. 38 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,080 Oh, well, that's all right. 39 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,374 It's a very sexy number. 40 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:06,793 I hope you won't be jealous. 41 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:09,254 Uh, ahem. Don't worry. 42 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,797 Uh, you sure? 43 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,424 Positive. 44 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:13,591 Oh. 45 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:17,595 Oh! Oh! Kris, please! 46 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:21,933 Kermie, you'd better introduce us. He just cannot wait. 47 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,393 [YELPS AND GIGGLES] 48 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,439 Yeah. Well, ladies and gentlemen, here he is-- 49 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:32,068 Uh, Kermie? I just want you to know, no matter what happens, 50 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,487 it's you I love. 51 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,364 Trust me. 52 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,533 Uh... Yeah. Okay. 53 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:43,413 Well, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Mr. Kris Kristofferson! 54 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,212 [BAND PLAYING TENDER BALLAD] 55 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:57,719 ♪ Take the ribbon from your hair ♪ 56 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:03,558 ♪ Shake it loose, let it fall ♪ 57 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:09,814 ♪ Layin' soft against my skin ♪ 58 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,233 [PIGGY SIGHING] 59 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:15,987 ♪ Like the shadows on the wall ♪ 60 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,281 Oh, Kris. 61 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:23,244 ♪ Come and lay down by my side ♪ 62 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,121 All right. 63 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,707 ♪ Till the early-morning light ♪ 64 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,710 Oh, you silver-tongued devil. 65 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:35,215 ♪ All I'm takin' is your time ♪ 66 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,384 Take it! 67 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,136 ♪ Help me make it through the night ♪ 68 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,972 PIGGY: Oh, Krissie. 69 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:48,478 ♪ We don't care who's right or wrong ♪ 70 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:52,732 ♪ I don't try to understand ♪ 71 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:53,858 [PIGGY SIGHS] 72 00:03:55,068 --> 00:04:00,115 ♪ Let the devil take tomorrow ♪ 73 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,202 ♪ Lord, tonight I need a friend ♪ 74 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,079 Oh, yes. 75 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,334 ♪ Yesterday is dead and gone ♪ 76 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,795 ♪ Yesterday is dead and gone ♪ 77 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,715 ♪ And tomorrow's out of sight ♪ 78 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,010 ♪ Yes, tomorrow's out of sight ♪ 79 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,054 ♪ And it's sad to be alone ♪ 80 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,765 ♪ So sad to be alone ♪ 81 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:29,853 BOTH: ♪ Help me make it through the night ♪ 82 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:36,568 ♪ We don't want to be alone ♪ 83 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:43,241 ♪ Help me make it through the night ♪ 84 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:48,621 PIGGY: Mwah, mwah, mwah! -Aah! Aah! Wait, no! 85 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,419 You bit me. 86 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:58,381 You rascal. 87 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,675 -Wonderful! -Wonderful! 88 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,261 ♪ Copenhagen ♪ 89 00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:07,057 KERMIT [OVER PA]: Okay, stagehands, strike Kris' number. 90 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,435 I'm introducing the dog act. Dogs on-stage, please. 91 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:12,437 -Hey, Gladys. -Yeah, dear? 92 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,189 What's the soup du jour? 93 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:15,899 Same as yesterday. 94 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,360 Good. I'll have that and the chicken. 95 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:22,447 Now, how do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled or barbecued? 96 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:25,533 I want the chicken for company. 97 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,744 I hate to eat alone. 98 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:31,122 For a second there, I thought you was one of them weirdos. 99 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,375 I still do. 100 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:37,212 Hey, Gonzo, Kermit says you're on next. 101 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,463 Oh, thank you. 102 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,758 -It's okay, dear. You'll pay me later. -Thank you. 103 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,595 You're finally gonna get to do the old piano-balancing act, eh? 104 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,971 Yeah. 105 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,767 You'll pay me now. 106 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,731 And now, ladies and gentlemen, The Great Gonzo, 107 00:05:56,815 --> 00:06:00,026 in a master feat of mathematical dexterity. 108 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,821 -Um, is he ready back there? MUPPET: No, no. 109 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,490 GONZO: I'm ready. MUPPET: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 110 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,617 Okay. The Great Gonzo, 111 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,786 in a master feat of mathematical dexterity, 112 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:13,081 will recite the seven-times multiplication table 113 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:16,501 while balancing a piano and standing in a hammock. 114 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:19,004 The Great Gonzo! 115 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,256 Ta-da! 116 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,802 [GRUNTING] 117 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:30,598 Seven-- Seven times one is, uh... 118 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,267 seven. 119 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,478 Seven times two is, uh, 17. 120 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,939 Oh, let me count that. 121 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:42,944 All right. Seven, eight, nine, ten, carry the one... 122 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,195 Eleven, 12... 123 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,197 [SCREAMS] 124 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,201 That act certainly suited Gonzo. 125 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,369 -It did? -Yep. 126 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,246 Suited him right down to the ground. 127 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,664 [BOTH LAUGH] 128 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,920 [BEAKER SQUEAKING] 129 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,842 Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs, 130 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,386 where the future is being made today. 131 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,721 [SQUEAKS] 132 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,474 Well, I've got some news of welcome relief 133 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:16,269 to short, stubby people like Beaker here. 134 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:21,149 Announcing new Muppet Labs Atomic Elevator Shoes. 135 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,818 Yes, these shoes can add inches to your height 136 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,779 at the mere flick of a lever. 137 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:29,532 Ahem. Beaker is wearing them now, and they work like this. 138 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:30,784 Up. 139 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,660 [SQUEAKING] 140 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:33,995 Down. 141 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,205 [SHOUTING] 142 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,624 Oh, Beaker, stop it. 143 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,668 You're just acting like a baby. 144 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:40,794 [SIGHS] 145 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,924 And so the Atomic Elevator Shoe adds untold inches 146 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,093 to Beaker's unfortunate physique. 147 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,928 [BEAKER SCREAMING] 148 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:53,807 Beaker! You never told me you wore stripy socks. 149 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:57,185 That's all for today from Muppet Labs. 150 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,520 Timber! 151 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,689 [BEAKER CRASHING] 152 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,567 [BAND PLAYING PASSIONATE BALLAD] 153 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:14,869 ♪ My wild Irish rose ♪ 154 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,329 [GROWLING] 155 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,498 [YELPING] 156 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,667 [SCREAMING] 157 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,211 KERMIT [OVER PA]: Stand by for Rita's number. 158 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,088 Woodland animals on-stage, please. 159 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,840 [PIGGY HUMMING] 160 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,634 Oh, what a nice stole. 161 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,886 Hello, Miss Piggy. 162 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,723 Oh. Hmph. Hello, Annabel. 163 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,726 You look so beautiful today. 164 00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,769 Of course I do. 165 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:44,441 Now, what'll it be? One Weight Watchers Special? 166 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:49,571 I shall see the menu, s'il vous plaît. 167 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:52,323 The name's Gladys. 168 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:57,454 Well, Gladys, I shall have... Let me see. Ah. 169 00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,331 ...a watercress sandwich on whole wheat 170 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:03,918 and four ounces of rhubarb juice. 171 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,921 One Fatso Special! 172 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,301 Oh, and what will we have for you, dear? 173 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:16,097 Well, I'm not really hungry, but I'll have a chocolate milkshake, 174 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:19,642 a hamburger with french fries on the side, and apple pie with cream. 175 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,146 One Kamikaze Special! 176 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,231 Oh, what a cute name. Ha-ha-ha. 177 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:28,443 Ha, ha. Yes, isn't that sweet, all that food? 178 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,362 [GIGGLES] 179 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:34,532 [ANNIE SUE SCREAMS THEN CRASHES] 180 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,785 I'm sorry. 181 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,538 And now a Muppets news flash. 182 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,500 This is an update on the Henderson burglary. 183 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:47,712 Police have recovered all the stolen property except the silverware. 184 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,256 It has disappeared into thin air. 185 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,342 [STAMMERS] 186 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,764 -Excusez-moi, Kermie. -Not right now, Miss Piggy. 187 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,683 I have to go introduce Rita Coolidge. 188 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,434 I just wanted to mention 189 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:06,231 that Mr. Kristofferson and Miss Coolidge are happily married. 190 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,233 -Uh, yeah, I know. -Mm-hm. 191 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:13,530 It shows that you can combine show-business careers and marriage. 192 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,532 Well, I suppose it does, yes, mm-hm. 193 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:19,536 You know, we both have show-business careers. 194 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,705 -That's true. -Mm-hm. 195 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,707 Need I say more? 196 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:27,419 Uh, Miss Piggy, I really have to go introduce Rita Coolidge. 197 00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:30,547 Yes, dear. I just wanted you to think about it. 198 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,882 I don't have time to think about it. 199 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:37,178 Maybe six months in the hospital will give you more time to think. 200 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,848 I will think about it. 201 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,809 Thank you. 202 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:47,105 And now here she is, our second very special guest, 203 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:50,817 a lovely lady with a beautiful voice and a wonderful song, 204 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,361 Miss Rita Coolidge. 205 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,324 [BAND PLAYING TRANQUIL FOLK MUSIC] 206 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:08,376 ♪ Outside, the rain begins ♪ 207 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:12,005 ♪ And it may never end ♪ 208 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:17,552 ♪ So cry no more On the shore, a dream ♪ 209 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:21,639 ♪ Will take us out to sea ♪ 210 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:26,644 ♪ Forevermore ♪ 211 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:30,690 ♪ Forevermore ♪ 212 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:35,987 ♪ Close the window, calm the light ♪ 213 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:39,366 ♪ And it will be all right ♪ 214 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:43,411 ♪ No need to bother now ♪ 215 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:48,833 ♪ Let it out, let it all begin ♪ 216 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:53,213 ♪ Learn how to pretend ♪ 217 00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,761 CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪ 218 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,931 ♪ Once a story's told ♪ 219 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:06,935 ♪ It can't help but grow old ♪ 220 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:10,230 ♪ Roses do, lovers too ♪ 221 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:16,444 ♪ So cast your seasons to the wind ♪ 222 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:21,032 ♪ And hold me, dear ♪ 223 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:25,036 ♪ Oh, hold me, dear ♪ 224 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:30,375 ♪ Close the window, calm the light ♪ 225 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:33,753 ♪ And it will be all right ♪ 226 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:37,757 ♪ No need to bother now ♪ 227 00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:43,263 ♪ Let it out, let it all begin ♪ 228 00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:46,725 ♪ All's forgotten now ♪ 229 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:50,020 ♪ My love ♪ 230 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:59,070 CHORUS: ♪ My love ♪ 231 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,541 [PLAYING DRAMATIC FANFARE] 232 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,170 -Very nice. -Thank you. 233 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,797 Ahem. I take great pride 234 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:22,844 in introducing the charming 18th-century romantic ballad 235 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:27,932 "A Frog He Would A-Wooing Go." 236 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,559 Go. 237 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,728 [PLAYING LIVELY FOLK MUSIC] 238 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,651 ♪ A frog he would a-wooing go ♪ 239 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,737 ♪ "Heigho," said Rowley ♪ 240 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,947 ♪ Whether his mother would let him or no ♪ 241 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,908 ♪ With a rowley-powley Gammon and spinach ♪ 242 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,202 ♪ "Heigho," said Anthony Rowley ♪ 243 00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,954 -Hmm. Beautiful. -Thank you. 244 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,498 -Next verse. -Mm. 245 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,000 ♪ He came to sweep Miss Mousey's hall ♪ 246 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:55,543 ♪ "Heigho," said Rowley ♪ 247 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,712 ♪ He gave a loud knock And he gave a loud call ♪ 248 00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,130 ♪ With a rowley-powley... ♪ 249 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:02,384 [SAM MUTTERING ALONG INDISTINCTLY] 250 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,469 Hmm. Charming. 251 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,304 Thank you. Next verse. 252 00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,431 ♪ But while they there were merrymaking ♪ 253 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,600 ♪ "Heigho," said Rowley ♪ 254 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,644 ♪ A cat and her kittens came tumbling in ♪ 255 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,604 ♪ With a rowley-powley Gammon and spinach ♪ 256 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:17,440 ♪ "Heigho," said Anthony Rowley ♪ 257 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,443 Oh, yes. Sheer poetry, isn't it? 258 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:23,196 I think I'd like it more if I understood the words. 259 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,781 Oh, well, which words? 260 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:28,284 Well, let's start with "A frog he would a-wooing go." 261 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,078 Oh-ho. Oh, yes, that. 262 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:33,415 Uh, this shows us that there was a time 263 00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:38,003 when frogs, indeed, used to go "woo." 264 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,089 Frogs don't go "woo, woo." They go "ribbit." 265 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,301 Only very recently. 266 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,554 "'Heigho,' said Anthony Rowley." 267 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,139 Oh, yes. Oh, that one. 268 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,934 The precise meaning of the expression "heigho" 269 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,978 is lost in antiquity. 270 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,856 You won't find any modern rubbish here. 271 00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,692 "With a rowley-powley, gammon and spinach"? 272 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,777 -Oh, yes, yes, yes. -What's that? 273 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,113 -That's rubbish. -That's what I thought. 274 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,159 Mm. 275 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,246 Why are they laughing? 276 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,920 Hey, Rita, we gotta talk about something. Are you alone? 277 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,881 Yes, I am. 278 00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,591 Are you sure? 279 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:27,302 Sure, I'm sure, Kris. You don't see anybody, do you? 280 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,637 No, but around here, it doesn't make any difference. 281 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:32,057 Everything on this show walks and talks. 282 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,641 Animals, vegetables... 283 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:36,436 ROCK: Don't forget about the minerals. 284 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:38,104 You heard me, buster! 285 00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:42,525 Would you mind leaving us alone for a while, please? 286 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:46,738 Oh, sure thing. Come on, gang. They want to be alone. 287 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,073 [OBJECTS CHATTERING] 288 00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,699 OBJECT: Let's wait in the hall. 289 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,242 [DOOR CLOSES] 290 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:54,037 Rita, this is a very weird show. 291 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,122 Yes, that was a little strange, 292 00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:59,751 but I think you'll find most of the Muppets are pretty normal. 293 00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:03,963 Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Scooter, Kermit... 294 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:07,050 -Hi. Hi. -What about this one? 295 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,427 -Hello, Gonzo. -Hi. 296 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,680 Say, how about a couple of autographs? 297 00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:14,641 -Sure, I'll get a pen for you. -You don't have to. 298 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,935 I already signed them. 299 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,605 You're giving us your autograph. 300 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:25,402 Yeah. They're really valuable now since my piano-balancing act. 301 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,029 But, Gonzo, you fell. 302 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,280 I know. 303 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,950 A lot of people think I'm dead now. 304 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,370 Isn't that terrific? 305 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,417 [PLAYING SOFT ROCK MUSIC] 306 00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:49,134 ♪ Some folks like to get away ♪ 307 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:54,222 ♪ Take a holiday from the neighborhood ♪ 308 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:59,352 ♪ Hop a flight to Miami Beach Or to Hollywood ♪ 309 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:08,278 ♪ But I'm taking a Greyhound On the Hudson River Line ♪ 310 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:13,616 ♪ I'm in a New York state of mind ♪ 311 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:26,463 ♪ It was so easy living day by day ♪ 312 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:32,177 ♪ Out of touch with the rhythm and blues ♪ 313 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:39,768 ♪ Now I need a little give and take ♪ 314 00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:47,150 ♪ The New York Times, the Daily News ♪ 315 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,616 ♪ Come down to reality ♪ 316 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:59,788 ♪ And it's fine with me 'Cause I let it slide ♪ 317 00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:05,043 ♪ Don't care if it's Chinatown Or round at Riverside ♪ 318 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:10,048 ♪ I don't have any reasons ♪ 319 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,760 ♪ Left them all behind ♪ 320 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:19,891 ♪ I'm in a New York state of mind ♪ 321 00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:28,483 ♪ I'm in a New York state of mind ♪ 322 00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,197 [SCATTING] 323 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,791 Well, I didn't think I'd live to see it, 324 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:48,920 but for once, they've given us something other than second-rate entertainment. 325 00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,046 What's that? 326 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,965 Third-rate entertainment. 327 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,569 Mm, mm, mm. 328 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:17,198 That was mighty fine, Gladys. My compliments to the chef. 329 00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,159 Hey, he says he liked it. 330 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,535 Who you talking to? 331 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,787 The short-order cook. 332 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:27,125 This place takes itself so literally. 333 00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:30,920 Of course it does. Hey, you wanna see our apple turnover? 334 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,088 Sure. 335 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,507 Hey, apple, turn over. 336 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,676 APPLE: Hi-yup! 337 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:44,893 Hey, I might just slide by later and take a look at the salad dressing. 338 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,520 [BOTH LAUGHING] 339 00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:50,940 Hey, what about Animal? He hasn't ordered yet. 340 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,902 Nah, it's okay. He just finished a TV dinner. 341 00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,653 Did he remember to thaw it? 342 00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:56,946 Thaw it? 343 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,323 [ANIMAL MUNCHING] 344 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:01,034 He didn't even unplug it! 345 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,286 [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] 346 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,206 TV dinner! TV dinner! 347 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:07,374 Yeah. 348 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,127 [PLAYING LIVELY RAGTIME MUSIC] 349 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:17,008 ♪ Hi-diddle-dee-dee An actor's life for me ♪ 350 00:20:17,092 --> 00:20:19,135 ♪ A high silk hat and a silver cane ♪ 351 00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,304 ♪ A watch of gold with a diamond chain ♪ 352 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:25,308 ♪ Hi-diddle-dee-doo You sleep till after 2 ♪ 353 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,394 ♪ You promenade with a big cigar ♪ 354 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,437 ♪ You tour the world in a private car ♪ 355 00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:31,564 ♪ You dine on chicken and caviar ♪ 356 00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:34,401 ♪ An actor's life for me ♪ 357 00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:36,653 -Ha. -Okay, what happens now? 358 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,114 Oh, now comes the funny part. 359 00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:44,661 Well, leaving the stage is funnier than a lot of things the bear does. 360 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:48,415 Okay, now ask me what I'm carrying the fish for. 361 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:50,917 Oh, Fozzie, what are you carrying the fish for? 362 00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:53,962 Oh, just for the "halibut." 363 00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:57,632 You were better off leaving the stage. 364 00:20:57,716 --> 00:20:58,758 Ah. 365 00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:00,176 [WATER SPLASHES] 366 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:04,222 ♪ Hi-diddle-dee-dee An actor's life for me ♪ 367 00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,307 ♪ A high silk hat and a silver cane ♪ 368 00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:08,518 ♪ A watch of gold with a diamond chain ♪ 369 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,647 ♪ Hi-diddle-dee-doo You sleep till after 2 ♪ 370 00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:15,150 Hey, Fozzie, this number needs help. 371 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:18,111 No, it doesn't. It needs scenery! 372 00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:22,657 Oh, it's wonderful scenery, but is it funny? 373 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:26,661 Okay, now ask me what I'm carrying the hoop for. 374 00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:29,289 Oh, Fozzie, what are you carrying the hoop for? 375 00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:33,835 Ah, because Statler and Waldorf always say the show is "hoopless." 376 00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:36,963 -Just for the "halibut." -Keep trying. 377 00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:38,965 Oh, boy. 378 00:21:39,049 --> 00:21:42,886 ♪ Hi-diddle-dee-dee An actor's life for me ♪ 379 00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:44,971 ♪ A high silk hat and a silver cane ♪ 380 00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:47,265 ♪ A watch of gold with a diamond chain ♪ 381 00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:51,102 ♪ Hi-diddle-dee-doo You sleep till after 2 ♪ 382 00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:53,188 ♪ You promenade with a big cigar ♪ 383 00:21:53,271 --> 00:21:55,231 ♪ You tour the world in a private car ♪ 384 00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,525 ♪ You dine on chicken and caviar ♪ 385 00:21:57,609 --> 00:21:59,277 ♪ An actor's life for me ♪ 386 00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:06,659 BOTH: ♪ An actor's life for me! ♪ 387 00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:15,710 Well, we've heard one of our guest stars, 388 00:22:15,794 --> 00:22:17,545 and then we've heard the other one. 389 00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:20,006 Now let's put them together and see what happens. 390 00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:24,094 Ladies and gentlemen, Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge. 391 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,555 [BAND PLAYING MELLOW POP MUSIC] 392 00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:34,479 ♪ There's a song I'd like to sing ♪ 393 00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:40,151 ♪ Do you know the song I mean? ♪ 394 00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:46,074 ♪ It don't always sound the same ♪ 395 00:22:48,493 --> 00:22:51,371 ♪ But it's always good to sing ♪ 396 00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:58,545 BOTH: ♪ Anyone can say the words ♪ 397 00:23:00,213 --> 00:23:03,633 ♪ Anyone can sing the tune ♪ 398 00:23:06,011 --> 00:23:09,472 ♪ If you take a little time ♪ 399 00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:15,353 ♪ I can teach this song to you ♪ 400 00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:21,526 ♪ And we can get to know each other ♪ 401 00:23:23,653 --> 00:23:27,449 ♪ Like a sister and a brother ♪ 402 00:23:29,492 --> 00:23:33,371 ♪ Like a father and a mother ♪ 403 00:23:35,373 --> 00:23:39,336 BOTH: ♪ Like a woman and a man ♪ 404 00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:45,425 ♪ We can sing along together ♪ 405 00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:50,972 ♪ Just enjoy until it's over ♪ 406 00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:57,145 ♪ It don't need to last forever ♪ 407 00:23:58,772 --> 00:24:02,734 ♪ But if we want it to, it can ♪ 408 00:24:04,652 --> 00:24:08,281 ALL: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪ 409 00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:13,912 ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪ 410 00:24:16,289 --> 00:24:19,626 ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪ 411 00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:25,590 ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪ 412 00:24:27,717 --> 00:24:31,012 BOTH: ♪ Maybe it don't mean a thing ♪ CHORUS: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪ 413 00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:37,560 -♪ But it's a pretty little tune ♪ -♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪ 414 00:24:39,646 --> 00:24:43,233 -♪ It's a song I'd like to sing ♪ -♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪ 415 00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:49,114 -♪ That I'd love to sing with you ♪ -♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪ 416 00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:50,865 [TRILLING] ♪ Ro-co-co-co-co! ♪ 417 00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:52,826 -♪ Hoy! Hoy! ♪ -♪ Arriba! ♪ 418 00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:54,452 ♪ Ay! ♪ 419 00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,912 CHORUS: ♪ Cha, cha, cha! ♪ 420 00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:04,337 Well, we've just about come down to the end of another one. 421 00:25:04,421 --> 00:25:06,840 Before we go, let us have a warm thank-you 422 00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:10,301 for our very special guest stars, Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge! 423 00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:12,178 [CHEERS] 424 00:25:16,725 --> 00:25:18,977 Thanks for having us, Kermit. It was a lot of fun. 425 00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:22,230 KERMIT: Oh, good. -Yeah. Kermit, where's Gonzo? 426 00:25:22,313 --> 00:25:24,232 Gonzo. Oh, he was, uh-- 427 00:25:24,315 --> 00:25:26,401 [CHICKENS CLUCKING] 428 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,281 Oh, Gonzo. 429 00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:33,241 Shh. I'm only pretending. 430 00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:36,119 My autographs will be worth a fortune. 431 00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:40,373 -Gonzo! -What? I've gotta try. 432 00:25:40,457 --> 00:25:44,794 Uh, good night. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show! 433 00:25:44,878 --> 00:25:46,963 [ALL CHATTERING] 434 00:25:47,047 --> 00:25:49,132 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 435 00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:24,417 They could improve the whole show if they just changed the ending. 436 00:26:24,501 --> 00:26:27,837 -How? -Put it closer to the beginning. 31990

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