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1
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[KNOCKING]
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Peter Sellers.
15 seconds to curtain, Mr. Sellers. Gonzo?
3
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Ah... Ah... Ah-wah!
4
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Fifteen seconds? I should live so long.
5
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It's The Muppet Show, with our
special guest star, Mr. Peter Sellers.
6
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
8
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
9
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
10
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
11
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
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[COUGHING IN RHYTHM]
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
15
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
16
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♪ This is what we call ♪
17
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
18
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[BLOWS]
19
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Thief.
20
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Welcome, welcome to The Muppet Show.
21
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Hey, tonight's guest star is one of
the great film stars of the world.
22
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He is the epitome
of the witty, urbane Englishman.
23
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So, naturally, we've asked him
to play a demented gypsy violinist.
24
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Listen, I run the show
and I don't understand it.
25
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Anyhow, here he is now,
ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Peter Sellers.
26
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
27
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[ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING]
28
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It is I, Boris,
29
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with his sobbing violin.
30
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We have got any requests?
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Yes, but you're gonna play anyway.
32
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[ALL LAUGHING]
33
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Such unkindness is to break the heart, eh?
34
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♪ A gypsy's heart is yearning ♪
35
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♪ A gypsy's blood is churning ♪
36
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♪ A gypsy's brain is learning ♪
37
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♪ A gypsy's roast is burning ♪
38
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♪ There are tears on the strings ♪
39
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♪ Of a gypsy's violin ♪
40
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♪ And tears fall on the bow as he cries ♪
41
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[SOBS]
42
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♪ Poor, poor gypsy ♪
43
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♪ Now I cannot play ♪
44
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♪ Until my violin dries ♪
45
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♪ So ♪
46
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♪ Play zigeuner, play, play, play ♪
47
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♪ Leave all your sorrows be forgotten ♪
48
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♪ Play zigeuner, play, play, play ♪
49
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♪ Even though your playing may be rotten ♪
50
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Who said that? Something's rotten here.
51
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-Not me, Boris.
-You say some rotten things here.
52
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♪ Oh, a gypsy's heart is aching ♪
53
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♪ And the gypsy's heart is sad ♪
54
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♪ As he dances
To the beating tambourines ♪
55
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[SHOUTING AND CHEERING]
56
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♪ Once his love gave him golden earrings ♪
57
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♪ And now his ears are turning green ♪
58
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♪So ♪
59
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♪ Play zigeuner, play, play, play ♪
60
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♪ Play with all your delicate precision ♪
61
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♪ Play zigeuner, play, play, play ♪
62
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♪ Soon you'll be replaced by television ♪
63
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[ALL LAUGH]
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♪ Play, play, play, play ♪
65
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♪ Play, gypsy, play
Play, play, play, play ♪
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♪ Play, gypsy, play
Play, play, play, play ♪
67
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,620
♪ Play, gypsy, play
Play, play, play, play ♪
68
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♪ Play, play, play ♪
69
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[VIOLIN SQUEAKING]
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Listen, any more talk like that
and I will play.
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♪ Play, gypsy ♪
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♪ Play ♪
73
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
74
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I love good gypsy music.
75
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,861
-So?
-So, I wish they'd play some.
76
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,242
-[SHOUTING]
-Quiet, quiet, quiet backstage!
77
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Backstage is quiet! Yeesh.
78
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:50,123
Next time I think I'm going to schedule
a nice, quiet Gregorian chant.
79
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[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]
80
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Gangway, Kermit! Cancel my motorcycle act!
81
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Gonzo!
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[CRASHING]
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What a day this has been.
84
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If this keeps up,
I'm gonna wind up talking to myself.
85
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Oh. My, my, my, another scientific
breakthrough for Muppet Labs.
86
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:15,231
Uh, Bunsen Honeydew, what do you mean
by sneaking up on me like that?
87
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Something's going on here.
88
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I've been shouted at,
run down by a motorcycle,
89
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-and now I'm-- Hm?
-Hey, Kermit?
90
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You're talking to yourself.
91
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,702
Thank goodness we got
a quiet song coming up.
92
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[SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
93
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♪ When the whip-poor-will
Is singing in the forest ♪
94
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[PLAYS HIGH NOTES RAPIDLY]
95
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That's a whip-poor-will right there.
96
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♪ When the little brook
Is murmuring a tune ♪
97
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♪When the mockingbird
Is chirping in the wild wood ♪
98
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:58,900
♪ And a lonely wolf
Is howling at the moon ♪
99
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,902
[HOWLS]
100
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:07,075
♪ When the leaves of the old oak tree
Start a-rustling ♪
101
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:13,039
♪ And a waterfall makes sounds
Like woman's tears ♪
102
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♪ When the whole world is filled ♪
103
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♪ With Mother Nature's noises ♪
104
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♪ That's the time
To stuff cotton in your ears ♪
105
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You never know when something funny
is gonna happen on this show.
106
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-Did something funny happen?
-Yeah.
107
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:34,561
You'd never know it.
108
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:40,442
Rowlf, that was supposed to be
a nice, quiet number.
109
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[STAMMERING] Beaker!
110
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[SHRIEKS]
111
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Beaker? What is it with
you guys from the lab?
112
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First Bunsen and now you!
What are you guys trying to do to us?
113
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-Hey, Kermit?
-What is it?
114
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Now you're shouting at yourself.
115
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:07,302
Tell John Brown
we are ready to receive him.
116
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Uh, Peter, uh, what is this?
117
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It was to have been, my dear Kermit,
118
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it was to have been a grand impersonation
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of her late Majesty, Queen Victoria,
120
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whilst on vacation at Bognor Regis
in the year 1888.
121
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But, uh, what went wrong?
122
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I couldn't remember what she looked like.
123
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,955
You know, I just love
all your wild characters, Peter.
124
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But backstage here,
you can just relax and be yourself.
125
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Mm. Mm. But that, you see, my dear Kermit,
126
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would be altogether impossible.
I could never be myself.
127
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-Uh, never yourself?
-No.
128
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:52,138
You see, there is no me. I do not exist.
129
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:54,933
I beg your pardon?
130
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,150
-Yes?
-There used to be a me.
131
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-Mm-hm.
-But I had it surgically removed.
132
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Eh... Uh...
Can we, uh, change the subject?
133
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Oh, certainly, certainly. Um...
134
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As a matter of fact,
135
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you might just be interested
in a new act I have recently perfected.
136
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-Um...
-Yeah, well, what is it?
137
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-Well, it's original. It's original.
-Yeah?
138
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:37,183
I, um, recite the soliloquy from
Shakespeare's Richard the Third,
139
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whilst, and at the same time,
140
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playing tuned chickens.
141
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So, you recite the soliloquy
from Shakespeare's Richard the Third,
142
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whilst, and at the same time,
playing tuned chickens?
143
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,075
You have it, my dear Kermit. You have it.
144
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Tuned chickens, mm,
once more into the breach.
145
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[CLUCKING]
146
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,044
[CLEARS THROAT]
147
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And now,
is the winter of our discontent...
148
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,882
[CLUCKING]
149
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...made glorious summer...
150
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,095
by this sun of York.
151
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,474
And all the clouds...
152
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,643
that lour'd upon our house...
153
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,564
in the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
154
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,860
Thank you. Thank you greatly.
155
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
156
00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:35,909
-Well, Peter...
-Aren't they fine? Fine chickens.
157
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,703
-That is really...
-I enjoy a good chicken.
158
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,122
Uh, yeah, that act is really wonderful.
159
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,750
-Uh, but you can't do that on our show.
-Why ever not?
160
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,836
Well, because Gonzo just did it
last month.
161
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,755
And it died, Peter.
162
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,510
It was terrible.
I mean, they've got no taste around here.
163
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Oh, but you're absolutely right,
my dear Gonzo.
164
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:58,515
They have no taste at all.
165
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,687
-Where did he go?
-Uh, well...
166
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,564
That's been happening all day
around here, I don't know why.
167
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:11,403
But if people or objects suddenly appear
or disappear, try to ignore them.
168
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,864
Uh, cancel that last remark!
169
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,117
-Run!
-I have a pressing appointment!
170
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,954
Oh, thank goodness he got away in time.
171
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,335
Uh, unlike some people around here.
172
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,675
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
173
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Uh, my foot is stuck. Uh...
174
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:39,347
And now, ladies and gentlemen, uh--
Who chews gum around here?
175
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:43,059
The Great Gonzo also sings and, uh...
176
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,312
Here he is to sing an old favorite,
"Down Memory Lane."
177
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,439
[SHOUTS]
178
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Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gonzo.
179
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[PLAYING "DOWN MEMORY LANE"]
180
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♪ I am strolling down memory lane ♪
181
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♪ Without a single thing to remember ♪
182
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:13,506
♪ I am strolling down memory lane ♪
183
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:18,428
♪ Without even a dying ember ♪
184
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:23,683
♪ Some folks remember their mothers ♪
185
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:28,897
♪ And others their girlfriends behind ♪
186
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:34,778
♪ But I am strolling down memory lane ♪
187
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:39,199
♪ Without a ding-dong thing on my mind ♪
188
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:05,975
♪ Some folks remember their mothers ♪
189
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:11,064
♪ And others their girlfriends behind ♪
190
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:16,945
♪ But I am strolling down memory lane ♪
191
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:23,910
♪ Without a ding-dong thing on my mind ♪
192
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,173
[GRUNTING]
193
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:40,844
One.
194
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,561
Seventy-two.
195
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,982
Seventy-three.
196
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,735
Somebody call for the masseur?
197
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,112
Oh, yes, Doc, good.
198
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,655
[CHUCKLES]
199
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:03,867
Well, I'm just here to try to...
200
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:08,329
loosen up your knotty little body,
you know?
201
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,750
-Good, Doc.
-I shall start here.
202
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:14,169
-Mm. Yeah.
-How does that feel?
203
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,837
-Oh, nice.
-You like that?
204
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,672
-Oh, yeah.
-Good.
205
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:20,633
Now, the next thing I must do, Link,
206
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:25,805
is to test out the elasticity
of the tendons in the leg areas.
207
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,724
Mm. Good.
208
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,100
It's quite easy.
209
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:34,147
-By the use of the simple little thing...
-Oh!
210
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,357
Yes.
211
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:40,278
I'm sure that it missed you.
I'm a quite a good shot, you know.
212
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:46,284
Tell me, Link, if you can feel
that the blood is flowing
213
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,912
-in the areas there.
-Ah!
214
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,872
How is that?
215
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:54,334
And again is on this one here.
216
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:55,627
How is that?
217
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,045
[LINK GROANING]
218
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:01,049
Dr. Merkwürdigliebe is pleased, you know.
219
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:02,926
That's a very unusual feeling.
220
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:06,971
Now, Link, I'm going to try
both of the legs at the same time.
221
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:10,684
-How is that? You can feel that?
-Oh! Oh! Yeah, yeah.
222
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,269
-Doing you good, Linky?
-Oh, I love it.
223
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:17,023
Hey, I caught it, Linky.
224
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,739
Now, Linky, let me see
if that has done what I hoped.
225
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,324
Oh, yes.
226
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:32,497
This leg here. Let me see. Yes.
227
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:37,043
Yes. And this leg needs,
I think, also a good...
228
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,878
I think it's necessary, Link.
229
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:42,966
Are you prepared
for a little bit of manipulation here?
230
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:48,179
I'm just going to easily
bring this leg around...to the front!
231
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:50,306
[YELLS]
232
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:54,436
-Oh. Oh, is that my foot?
-You did not feel that, Link?
233
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,396
Oh, no, no. That felt good.
234
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,524
-Your muscles are in such good condition.
-Oh, yeah.
235
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:03,069
I can tell a good muscle
when I feel one, Link.
236
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:06,031
And this one will have to come
the other side!
237
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,782
[LINK SHOUTS]
238
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:13,913
That is leaving your arms free
at the moment, you notice.
239
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:14,998
Oh, yes.
240
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:18,376
But it's necessary when in this position,
241
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:22,422
for the vertebras and the outer deltoids,
you understand,
242
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:26,509
to bring this arm here
and the other arm there.
243
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,136
-Oh?
-Wait, one second.
244
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:34,351
Well, I'm putting this here like this.
245
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,686
Wait, Link, you've got my arm in here.
246
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,899
Let go of me, Link.
247
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,736
-Let go of my arm, Link.
-Oh.
248
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,196
Well, uh...
249
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,406
Thank you, Link.
250
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:51,701
I can see you like to keep it
when you've got it, huh?
251
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,538
Wait while I put that there.
252
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,664
Is that my foot?
253
00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:01,378
Ah, Linky, how do you feel?
254
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,713
Uh, yes, well, very different, Doc.
255
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:07,175
All the blood is circulating nicely
around your body?
256
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:08,259
Hmm...
257
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:12,639
Good, I can see that you are
in real good condition now, Link.
258
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:13,848
[GROANS]
259
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,768
So, same time next week, you know.
260
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,316
Doc?
261
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:25,944
Doc?
262
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,406
Help!
263
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:33,034
Help!
264
00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,494
-Help!
-Oh, boy.
265
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,037
Was that supposed to end that way?
266
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:37,580
I don't think so.
267
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,916
-Go check the next act, please.
-Yes, sir.
268
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,794
-Kermit, take it easy. Come on, now.
-Uh, yes.
269
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:47,173
Kermit, that's the best massage
I've ever had.
270
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,428
Hm. That Peter O'Toole is good.
271
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:55,598
Link. Uh-- Peter O'Toole? Link!
272
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,225
[BOTH SHRIEK]
273
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:58,768
[GLASS SHATTERS]
274
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:03,273
Oh, what is this?
I think I'm going crazy today!
275
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,191
Kermit! Oh, Kermit!
276
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:08,778
Kermit! Oh, no!
The next act just canceled.
277
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:09,904
[SHRIEKS]
278
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,407
What? But that was a terrific act.
279
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,993
It was Prunella and her Prancing Poultry.
280
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,078
Yeah, I know. Yeah.
281
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:20,081
-Kermit, see, about that poultry...
-Mm-hm?
282
00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:23,793
yesterday, duck hunting season began.
283
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,545
[KERMIT SIGHS]
284
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,631
I don't want to hear about it.
I will go and explain to the audience.
285
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,679
Uh-- Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
I don't know how to tell you this,
286
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,182
but frankly, the next act can't make it.
287
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,894
Uh, they're otherwise engaged
with a lot of orange sauce, I'm afraid.
288
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:46,107
Anyhow, I don't have anything
to replace it.
289
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:49,027
Uh... Uh...
290
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,487
Oh, boy.
291
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:54,657
Uh, you may have noticed that we're not
terribly well organized around here,
292
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,994
and tonight I'm just barely making it.
I don't know...
293
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,913
Sometimes it's very difficult.
294
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:10,965
♪ It's not easy being green ♪
295
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:18,348
♪ Having to spend each day
The color of the leaves ♪
296
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:24,229
♪ When I think it could be nicer ♪
297
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:27,524
♪ Being red or yellow or gold ♪
298
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,694
♪ Or something much more colorful
Like that ♪
299
00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:39,828
♪ It's not easy bein' green ♪
300
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:46,126
♪ It seems you blend in
With so many other ordinary things ♪
301
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:53,299
♪ And people tend to pass you over ♪
302
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:57,053
♪ 'Cause you're not standing out
Like flashy sparkles in the water ♪
303
00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:00,849
♪ Or stars in the sky ♪
304
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,982
♪ But green's the color of spring ♪
305
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:15,613
♪ And green can be cool
And friendly-like ♪
306
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:25,331
♪ And green can be big like a mountain ♪
307
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:29,002
♪ Or important like a river ♪
308
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:31,588
♪ Or tall like a tree ♪
309
00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:44,517
♪ When green is all there is to be ♪
310
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:51,274
♪ It could make you wonder why ♪
311
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:55,570
♪ But why wonder ♪
312
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,155
♪ Why wonder ♪
313
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:03,286
♪ I'm green and it'll do fine ♪
314
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,496
♪ It's beautiful ♪
315
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:09,918
♪ And I think it's what I want to be ♪
316
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,131
[BIRDS TWITTERING]
317
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,388
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
318
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:33,858
Welcome again to Muppet Labs,
where the future is being made today.
319
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,736
Well, I am just bubbly with excitement.
320
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:40,073
We have just been testing
our new Muppet Labs teleporter
321
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,742
and it works perfectly.
322
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:46,871
You see, a teleporter is a device
which instantly transports people
323
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,873
from one place to another.
324
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,251
A-ha!
So that's what's been happening here.
325
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:54,462
You have been zapping people
in and out of my theater!
326
00:20:54,546 --> 00:20:57,757
Please, Mr. Kermit, I'm in the very midst
of an important demonstration.
327
00:20:57,841 --> 00:21:00,885
Oh, yeah? Listen, I'm in the midst
of a nervous breakdown.
328
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:03,179
You cannot go zapping people around--
329
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:08,184
Ahem. As I was saying,
our new teleporter works perfectly.
330
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:11,396
A few minutes ago,
I sent my assistant, Beaker,
331
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:14,816
hurtling through space
to the deepest jungles of Africa.
332
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:16,359
And now we will bring him back.
333
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:21,072
[GIBBERING]
334
00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:23,867
Beaker, put that gorilla back!
335
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,619
Ugh. You don't know where he's been.
336
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:33,626
There, back to Africa they go.
And now just Beaker will return.
337
00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:37,297
[KERMIT SHOUTING]
338
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,967
Beaker, this has got to stop! Honeydew!
Whoever did this!
339
00:21:41,051 --> 00:21:42,093
[CLEARS THROAT]
340
00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:43,928
That's all today from Muppet Labs.
341
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:45,263
You bet that's all!
342
00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:51,728
I am gonna make this introduction.
343
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:55,815
-Ladies and gentlemen--
-Now is the winter of our discontent. Oh.
344
00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:59,736
Peter! You're supposed to be
in your costume for the next number.
345
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:02,072
-Oh, I beg your pardon.
-Wait. By the way...
346
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,699
-Yes?
-The show is running a bit long,
347
00:22:04,783 --> 00:22:06,701
-so try to be short.
-Short? Yes.
348
00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:07,827
How about this?
349
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,750
He takes things so literally.
350
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:17,295
Ladies and gentlemen,
I take pride in presenting
351
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,881
the incredible Peter Sellers!
352
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:21,633
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
353
00:22:21,716 --> 00:22:25,512
[TRUMPETERS PLAY FANFARE]
354
00:22:25,595 --> 00:22:29,891
A preachment, dear friends,
you're about to receive,
355
00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:34,104
on John Barleycorn, nicotine,
and the temptations of Eve.
356
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:37,023
-Oh, yay!
-If it's so good, let's hear it.
357
00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:39,401
You will, brother, you will.
358
00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:41,277
Melodies, please.
359
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:45,156
[PLAYING WALTZ]
360
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:50,578
♪ Once I was happy and I had a good wife ♪
361
00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:55,917
♪ I had enough money
To last me for life ♪
362
00:22:56,001 --> 00:23:01,131
♪ I met with the gal
And we went on a spree ♪
363
00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:05,719
♪ She taught me to smoke
And to drink whiskey ♪
364
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:09,639
♪ Cigarettes and whiskey
And wild, wild women ♪
365
00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:14,519
♪ They'll drive you crazy
They'll drive you insane ♪
366
00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:21,109
♪ Cigarettes and whiskey
And wild, wild women ♪
367
00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:25,280
♪ They'll drive you crazy
They'll drive you insane ♪
368
00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:27,240
I believe, I'll give it up!
369
00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:32,579
♪ Cigarettes is a blot
On the whole human race ♪
370
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:38,877
♪ A man is a monkey with one in his face ♪
371
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:44,132
♪ That's my definition
Believe me, dear brother ♪
372
00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:48,345
♪ A fire on one end
And a fool on that other ♪
373
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:52,515
♪ Cigarettes and whiskey
And wild, wild women ♪
374
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:58,188
♪ They'll drive you crazy
They'll drive you insane ♪
375
00:23:59,814 --> 00:24:03,943
♪ Cigarettes and whiskey
And wild, wild women ♪
376
00:24:04,027 --> 00:24:09,407
♪ They'll drive you crazy
They'll drive you insane ♪
377
00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:14,162
-Same temptation.
-Somebody get that bum out of here.
378
00:24:15,538 --> 00:24:20,377
♪ Right on the cross
At the head of my grave ♪
379
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:25,715
♪ To women and whiskey
Here lies a poor slave ♪
380
00:24:25,799 --> 00:24:30,804
♪ Take warnin', dear stranger
Take warnin', dear friend ♪
381
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:34,974
♪ They'll write in big letters
These words on my end ♪
382
00:24:35,058 --> 00:24:39,062
ALL: ♪ Cigarettes and whiskey
And wild, wild women ♪
383
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:44,984
♪ They'll drive you crazy
They'll drive you insane ♪
384
00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:50,281
♪ Cigarettes and whiskey
And wild, wild women ♪
385
00:24:50,365 --> 00:24:54,369
♪ They'll drive you crazy
They'll drive you insane ♪
386
00:24:54,452 --> 00:25:01,459
♪ They'll drive you crazy
They'll drive you insane ♪
387
00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:06,256
Hallelujah, brother.
388
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:08,466
[CHEERING AND SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
389
00:25:08,550 --> 00:25:10,343
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
390
00:25:12,637 --> 00:25:15,390
Okay. Well, that's about it
for this show, but before we go,
391
00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:18,560
let us have a warm thank you
for our very special guest star,
392
00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,979
ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Peter Sellers!
393
00:25:21,062 --> 00:25:23,064
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
394
00:25:24,899 --> 00:25:27,485
Thank you very much, indeed.
395
00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:29,320
Ah, well, there you are.
396
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:33,450
Were.
397
00:25:33,533 --> 00:25:34,576
Am.
398
00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:39,873
This is all too much for me. We'll see you
next time on The Muppet Show.
399
00:25:39,956 --> 00:25:42,125
[GORILLA GIBBERING, ALL SHOUTING]
400
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:44,044
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
401
00:26:19,162 --> 00:26:20,455
Well, what did you think?
402
00:26:21,498 --> 00:26:23,208
Yeah, I know what you--
30885
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