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1
00:00:00,166 --> 00:00:01,167
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
2
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,420
Steve Martin? Oh, Steve Martin?
3
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:05,964
Fifteen seconds till curtain, Mr. Martin.
4
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,508
Thank you, Scooter, I'm almost ready.
5
00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:11,177
[YELLS]
6
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,347
See? You're gonna feel right at home
around here.
7
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:23,648
It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin.
8
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,442
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
9
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,706
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
10
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,708
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
11
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:45,795
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
12
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,298
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
13
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,467
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
14
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,635
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
15
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,971
I liked the old opening better.
16
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:59,392
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
17
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,353
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
18
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:04,189
♪ This is what we call ♪
19
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:07,817
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
20
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:13,198
Green smoke.
21
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:15,617
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
22
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:20,080
Thank you, thank you, and welcome,
for the moment, to The Muppet Show.
23
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:24,125
Uh, listen, I really feel bad about this,
but I have a special announcement.
24
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,461
Hey, maybe we've gotten lucky at last.
25
00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:29,172
Yeah, maybe tonight's show
has been canceled.
26
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,884
Uh, tonight's show has been canceled.
27
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,306
Have I died and gone to heaven?
28
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:43,144
Uh, well, you see,
I just realized I misread my calendar.
29
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:46,481
Uh, tonight we're scheduled to
audition new acts for the show,
30
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,943
so I'm really sorry, but there will not
be a Muppet Show tonight.
31
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:52,195
Uh, you can all stay
and watch the auditions,
32
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,156
but I'm not sure there will be
anything very exciting.
33
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,575
WALDORF: When has there ever been?
STATLER: Ha-ha-ha!
34
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,703
Okay, you two, take the night off.
35
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,830
Now, we might as well
bring up the house lights
36
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,415
and say good night to everybody.
37
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:06,084
[MURMURING AND GROANING]
38
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:10,171
I'll just go out into the house and--
Good grief, it's Steve Martin.
39
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,800
Yeah, it is, Kermit.
How's it going, little fella?
40
00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:16,261
Uh, well, fine. Just fine, Steve.
41
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:20,265
I was sitting back in my dressing room
getting ready for the next number
42
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:23,643
and I heard this rumor that
the show had been canceled.
43
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:27,731
Uh, well, yeah, you see,
we have to audition new acts tonight.
44
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,065
Oh. Okay, fine.
45
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,861
I was just supposed to be
the guest star on tonight's show.
46
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,822
-But no problem.
-Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that.
47
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:39,534
Well, you know, it's just a thing
that I'm sitting there getting ready,
48
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:42,620
and I feel like some kind of sap
back there,
49
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,789
putting these clothes on
for the big number,
50
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:47,375
and no one come back and bothers to say:
51
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:50,462
"Hey, Steve, the show has been canceled."
52
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,630
What am I around here, nothing?
53
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:56,009
Uh, Steve, I don't know what to say.
54
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:58,053
Well, I do.
55
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:02,307
Excuse me!
56
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,311
Uh...
57
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:10,148
Well, uh, let's get the auditions going,
shall we?
58
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,232
[SHRIEKS]
59
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,902
Well, should we stay or go?
60
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,404
I feel the same as I do every week.
61
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:20,241
I've paid good money for this ticket
and I'm going to use it.
62
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,577
-Uh, the tickets are free.
-Oh.
63
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:25,747
Yes, uh, well,
and overpriced at that, too.
64
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:33,296
Okay, okay. If we can get things
started here now.
65
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,798
Uh, Kermit? Kermit?
66
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:39,219
Hey, uh, when you say
you are auditioning acts,
67
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:43,431
you mean new acts, don't you?
I mean, you don't mean replacements?
68
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,225
Well, I don't really know, Fozzie.
69
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,561
I just thought maybe we could use
some new blood.
70
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,272
Why didn't he tell me
he wanted me to bleed?
71
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,567
Okay, Scooter, what's the first act?
72
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,612
Oh, we got some really great talent
lined up, boss.
73
00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:01,700
First up is the Lautrec Sisters
in the Garbage Cancan.
74
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,036
Oh, please don't let them be funny.
75
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,039
[CANCAN DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
76
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,625
[SQUEAKING]
77
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,824
Oh, very good. Nice work, girls.
78
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,201
He liked the dancing rats?
79
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,163
Oh, what chance does a bear have?
80
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,875
Listen, Kermit, if you liked the last act,
wait till you see the next one.
81
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,878
It's called Mary Louise and Friend.
82
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,381
[PIANO PLAYING]
83
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:06,139
♪ Way down upon the Swanee ♪
84
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:07,515
Ribbit.
85
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:12,354
♪ Far, far away ♪
86
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,105
[SHRIEKS]
87
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:17,025
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
88
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:20,820
Hey, well, I had a big vibe solo
scheduled on tonight's show.
89
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,989
Don't ask me why the frog canceled.
90
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,742
Chop-chop-chop...
91
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:27,827
[CHUCKLES]
92
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:31,581
Yeah, right on.
Now you're talking my language.
93
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,125
Can we have some quiet
out there in the theater, please?
94
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,836
-What's next, Scooter?
-Oh, you'll love this, boss.
95
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,172
Here he is, Steve Martin!
96
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:41,466
[CHEERING]
97
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:45,804
Thank you very much. Thank you.
This is too much.
98
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:49,057
Steve, Steve, you really don't
have to perform here, you know.
99
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:52,769
Well, I figured since I was here,
I may as well do some stuff, you know.
100
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:56,690
Yeah, but you don't have to do this,
because we canceled the show.
101
00:05:56,773 --> 00:06:00,402
Oh, well, uh, maybe I could just,
you know, perform for the guys.
102
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,029
ALL:
Yeah! Okay! Come on!
103
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:06,449
Okay, well, listen, if you want him,
you got him. Take it away, Steve.
104
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,575
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
105
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:10,912
Thank you very much. Thank you.
106
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:15,208
I realize a lot of you folks are sitting
out there saying to yourselves,
107
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,210
"Sure, he's great,
108
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:20,422
but can he make balloon animals?"
109
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:23,258
[CHEERING]
110
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,011
-Have you seen this before?
ALL: Yeah! Yeah!
111
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,472
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't like to repeat.
112
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,766
Aw!
113
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:32,892
MUPPET 1:
Come on, Steve.
114
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,894
MUPPET 2: Come on.
MUPPET 3: Do it!
115
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,355
-Come on, Steve, come on!
-I don't know what to do now.
116
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:39,899
I don't like to repeat,
117
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:43,194
and yet, the audience
is demanding that I do it.
118
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,614
I'll tell you what,
I'll make a compromise.
119
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:50,160
I'll make balloon animals,
but I won't blow them up.
120
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,169
MUPPET: Look at that.
-Giraffe.
121
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,340
-Here we go.
-Dude got a sense of humor.
122
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,764
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
123
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:16,269
I fill up the balloons with words,
and if they pop they go,
124
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,395
"Gosh darn it."
125
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,781
[MUPPETS LAUGHING]
126
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:31,409
It's not easy to get that air to curl up
inside your lungs like that.
127
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,996
And now, fun balloon animals. Here we go.
128
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,585
MUPPET:
Oh, yeah, look at him go.
129
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:46,299
-Scooter, more balloons, Scooter.
-Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
130
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:49,469
-Here you go, sir.
-Thank you.
131
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,595
Okay.
132
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,390
-Blow up some more, just in case.
-Yes, sir.
133
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,557
Gosh darn it.
134
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,521
MUPPET: Oh, really.
-Puppy dog.
135
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,272
MUPPET:
Wow!
136
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:06,194
-Aw, I love that one. That's so cute.
-Thank you very much. Okay, um...
137
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:09,864
Well, just... Hey, I'm complete.
138
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:14,703
You know, folks, a lot of people
come to me and they say, "Steve,
139
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:19,708
how can you afford all those balloons
you use in your act? You must be rich."
140
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,377
Well, actually,
I get the balloons for free.
141
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:26,756
I go down to the balloon ranch,
where the little baby balloons are grown,
142
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,885
and I steal them from the nests.
143
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:34,347
What I do is, the adult balloons
who guard them are very stupid,
144
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:38,560
and it's easy to trick them.
I go, "Hey, look at that inner tube."
145
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,646
And they go, "Where? Gosh."
146
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,231
And I load up my pockets.
147
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:48,695
Absolutely no danger to me because
the adult balloons are very dumb.
148
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,821
They wouldn't, uh...
149
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,406
[GROWLING NEARBY]
150
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,367
[BALLOON ROARS]
151
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,286
[STEVE YELLING AND GRUNTING]
152
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,083
It's out of control!
153
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,418
Whoa!
154
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,671
Well, it is a different sort of an act.
155
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,340
[CRASHING]
156
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,177
[PIANO FLOURISH PLAYS]
157
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,805
Hey, you missed my big finish.
I didn't even use a net.
158
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,394
You were terrific.
You should make that into a feature film.
159
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,730
Uh, can we get on with the auditions?
160
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:27,650
Oh, next up is Terry Louise and Friend.
161
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,446
[PIANO PLAYING]
162
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,616
-♪ Tie a yellow... ♪
-Ribbit.
163
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:37,577
♪ Round the old oak tree ♪
164
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,661
[SHRIEKS]
165
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:39,746
Yeah.
166
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:42,874
Uh, next we have one of
the world's greatest comics,
167
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,417
Baskerville the Hound.
168
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,339
Hey, hey, hey, it's comedy time!
169
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,675
You know what they call a dirty dog?
170
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:56,596
A mud poodle! Ah, I am so funny!
171
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,641
-Did you hear the--?
-Next.
172
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,603
Hey, come on, Fozzie,
You're taking all this too personally.
173
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:04,729
[FOZZIE GROANS]
174
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:08,358
Listen, it's very healthy to see what
other people in your field are doing.
175
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,902
-It's an enriching experience.
-Yeah.
176
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:14,531
-Hey, Scooter, what's next?
-A guy named Lenny the Lizard.
177
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,283
-He's an emcee.
-What the hay?
178
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,576
[MUPPET THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
179
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,203
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
180
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,957
And welcome again to another
edition of The Muppet Show.
181
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,418
Well, we've got a great show
for you tonight,
182
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:29,421
starring the incredible
and amazingly talented me.
183
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,798
-Plus other good things--
KERMIT: Next!
184
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:36,386
It was really interesting
to see how another emcee works.
185
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,639
-Cool it.
-You really must feel enriched, Kermit.
186
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,224
Will you get out of here, Fozzie?
187
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,350
[FOZZIE LAUGHS]
188
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,936
-On to the next act, chief?
-Uh, yes, I'd love to.
189
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:46,396
I should think so.
190
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,899
Anyway, it's a weird little act
direct from the planet Koozebane.
191
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,485
Here they are, the Four Fazoobs.
192
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,946
[DRUMMING]
193
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,407
[VOCALIZING]
194
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:03,747
[SHRIEKING]
195
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,465
[HUMMING RHYTHMICALLY]
196
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,430
[GRUNTING]
197
00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:01,888
Yeesh, things are looking a little weird.
Okay, let's take a break, everybody.
198
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,059
Uh, let's see what we have so far.
199
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,895
We had, uh, the dancing rats.
200
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:12,607
We had, uh, Mary Louise and Terry Louise.
201
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,984
-Kermit.
-Uh, not now, Gonzo.
202
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,612
Uh, we had the, uh, Fazoobs.
203
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,406
-The Fazoobs.
-Kermit!
204
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:23,034
-Uh, what is it, Gonzo?
-I've got this great new act for you.
205
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:26,454
Not now, Gonzo.
Right now I'm in the middle of auditions.
206
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,331
Okay, we'll audition.
207
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:32,377
I've seen your acts. I don't want to see
any more of them, thank you, okay?
208
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:37,090
I'll talk to you later, all right?
Scooter? Who's next, Scooter?
209
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,801
Well, look, at least let me
tell you about the act.
210
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,886
No. Scooter!
211
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,514
-I'm gonna tell you anyway.
-I won't listen.
212
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,600
-Dancing cheese.
-Dancing cheese?
213
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:51,855
-You were listening.
-Will somebody find Scooter?
214
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,691
Aw, Kermit, she's a great dancer.
215
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,777
"She"? It's a female cheese?
216
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,405
Of course it's a female!
217
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,616
You don't expect me
to dance with a male, do you?
218
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,494
-Uh, no.
-That would look weird.
219
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:09,414
Yes, I'm sure that would look weird,
Gonzo.
220
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:12,292
-You say you dance with her?
-You're getting interested?
221
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,461
No, I'm just killing time
until Scooter gets here.
222
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,464
-Oh. Well, anyway, she's featured.
223
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:18,798
-Mm-hm.
-We do a flamenco.
224
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:21,384
-Mm-hm.
-I just click my heels a little.
225
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,094
The cheese does the fancy steps.
226
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,513
-The cheese does the fancy steps, huh?
-Mm-hm.
227
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,974
Uh, I don't think I want to
hear any more about it.
228
00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:32,020
-But Scooter's not here yet!
-I don't care. Here he comes now.
229
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:33,938
-Oh, Scooter!
-Just remember it.
230
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,690
-Uh, yeah, sure.
-Yes, chief?
231
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:40,278
-Uh, Scooter, who you got next, huh?
-Oh, uh, Gonzales and Yolanda.
232
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,782
[FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING]
233
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,534
Arriba! Olé!
234
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:49,079
El toro! Enchilada!
235
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,997
Dance, you little firebrand.
236
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,499
Dance, dance!
237
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,837
Tortilla! Burrito! San Diego!
238
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,173
Show them what gorgonzola can do.
239
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,013
Cha-cha-cha.
240
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,352
Well, let us trust that we've got
some new and truly different acts
241
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,479
for the rest of the evening.
242
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:18,066
Here's the first one.
Carrie Louise and Friend.
243
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:21,695
[PIANO PLAYING]
244
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,321
[CLEARS THROAT]
245
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,158
♪ Old man... ♪
246
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:29,494
-Ribbit.
-[SHRIEKS]
247
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:35,291
I keep telling you,
I'm the girl singer on this show.
248
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,668
Move it. Move it!
249
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,505
Okay, nothing too different so far.
250
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:44,009
Hey, Scooter, you must have
some good acts back there.
251
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:47,595
How about this one, Kermit?
He's a rambling guy.
252
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,764
[PIANO INTRO PLAYS]
253
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,436
Okay, let's not waste any more time.
Let's go.
254
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,479
-How much was it to get in?
-Free.
255
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,773
Okay, you're gonna get
your money's worth on this.
256
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,867
Hey, this guy's good.
257
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,246
I'm a rambling guy.
258
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,751
♪ Well, I'm ramblin', ramblin' 'round ♪
259
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,878
♪ I'm a ramblin' guy ♪
260
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,963
[WHISTLING]
261
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:25,717
Free.
262
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,680
♪ Ramble out to The Muppet Show
Oh, yeah ♪
263
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:33,308
♪ Meet all the Muppets
Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes ♪
264
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:37,187
♪ Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes
Oh, no ♪
265
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,147
♪ Ramblin' ♪
266
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,024
Everybody whistle!
267
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,776
[ALL WHISTLING]
268
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,279
All right, in Chinese now.
269
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,365
[SINGING IN CHINESE GIBBERISH]
270
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,746
[IN ENGLISH] ♪ Well, I'm ramblin'
Ramblin', ramblin', ramblin', ramblin' ♪
271
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:59,834
♪ Ram... ♪
272
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,631
♪ ...blin' ♪
273
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,263
Way to go, Steve, that's good stuff.
274
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:14,683
-Kermit, I am appalled.
-Hm?
275
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:17,936
Don't we have some good,
old-fashioned entertainment?
276
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,689
-Uh, Scooter?
-I can vouch for the "old" part.
277
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,899
-Who you got?
-Statler and Waldorf.
278
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,484
What?
279
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,569
["VARSITY DRAG" PLAYING]
280
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,783
♪ Here is the drag, see how it goes ♪
281
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,244
♪ Down on the heels, up on the toes ♪
282
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,580
♪ That's the way to do the Varsity Drag ♪
283
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,584
-♪ Hotter than hot ♪
-♪ Newer than new ♪
284
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,129
-♪ Meaner than mean ♪
-♪ Bluer than blue ♪
285
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,424
♪ Gets as much applause
As waving the flag ♪
286
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,592
Take it!
287
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,180
Boo! Boo! Get off the stage!
288
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,767
[LAUGHS]
289
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,728
Take it, Statler!
290
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,108
They're terrible, aren't they?
291
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,568
♪ Everybody do the Varsity ♪
292
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:13,950
♪ Everybody do the Varsity Drag ♪
293
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,334
Watch it, you old fool. Heh-heh-heh.
294
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:26,171
Yes, hear, hear. Oh, wholesome, wonderful!
295
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,922
I'm glad you enjoyed that act, Sam.
296
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:31,593
Oh, Kermit, it was good,
old-fashioned entertainment.
297
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:35,180
With that act, The Muppet Show
finally turns the corner
298
00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:39,017
and becomes a normal,
decent, moral program.
299
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,770
-Well, I am pleased, Sam.
-Mm. What's next?
300
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:45,398
Oh, uh, Marvin Suggs
and His All-Food Glee Club.
301
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:51,237
For one brief moment,
there was light at the end of the tunnel.
302
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:57,077
Olé, gracias. Thank you and gracias.
303
00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:01,373
Yes, I am the beloved Marvin Suggs.
304
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:05,669
And now, presenting my singing food!
305
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:12,967
♪ Yes, we have no bananas ♪
306
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:20,016
-♪ We have no bananas today ♪
-♪ Bananas today ♪
307
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,810
♪ We've string beans ♪
308
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,311
♪ And onions ♪
309
00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:24,979
♪ Cabbages ♪
310
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,564
♪ And scallions ♪
311
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:32,362
♪ And all kinds of fruit, and say... ♪
312
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:37,784
♪ We have an old fashioned tomato ♪
313
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:42,747
♪ A nice juicy potato ♪
314
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:47,544
♪ But, yes, we have no bananas ♪
315
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:52,674
♪ We have no bananas today ♪
316
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,218
Oh, I love my vegetables!
317
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:58,596
-How are you, cabbage?
-Oh, getting ahead.
318
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,058
-How's the artichoke?
-Singing my heart out.
319
00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:07,522
-Oh, what is wrong, asparagus?
-I feel naked without my Hollandaise.
320
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:11,860
-Come on, tomato, you're slow.
-I'll ketchup.
321
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:15,822
♪ And, yes, we have no bananas ♪
322
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,159
♪ We have no bananas ♪
323
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:21,619
♪ We said, no bananas ♪
324
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:28,710
♪ We have no bananas today ♪
325
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:39,095
-Hey, Kermit, my main frog.
-Yeah?
326
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:42,140
-You planning to book that last act?
-I doubt it.
327
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:45,935
-Oh, fantastic. We'll take it.
-Are you putting together a show?
328
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,520
No, a dinner.
329
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:52,776
Yeah, soprano looked delicious.
330
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:57,614
Okay, chief. Next up is a guy you'll love.
331
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:01,076
Remember Rambling Guy?
Here's Juggling Guy.
332
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:03,703
MUPPET:
Yeah! Yeah!
333
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,830
[CHEERING]
334
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:09,084
And now...
Now it's time for a little juggling.
335
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:10,752
-Whoo!
-Oh, yeah.
336
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:14,589
Let's start with the easy stuff.
First of all I juggle one.
337
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:18,385
Now, two.
338
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,347
Now, three.
339
00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:30,271
-Oh, yeah.
-Under the leg.
340
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:35,527
-Now, Fozzie, can you catch this?
-Yes.
341
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,280
Okay, take it, toss it up in midair, okay?
342
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:40,615
Okay!
343
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:43,743
MUPPET:
Good throw, yeah!
344
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:44,869
[STEVE SIGHS]
345
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,663
-[ORANGE SQUISHES]
-Oh, no!
346
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,373
[MUPPET GASPS]
347
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:49,749
No!
348
00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:53,044
I've killed it.
349
00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:57,632
[GROANING]
350
00:20:57,716 --> 00:21:00,176
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
351
00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:10,311
Okay, very funny, very funny.
352
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:13,523
Uh, Kermit, when you say "very funny,"
do you mean, uh...?
353
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:17,944
Fozzie, don't worry about it.
Nobody is going to lose their job.
354
00:21:18,028 --> 00:21:20,572
Oh. Oh, that's terrific.
355
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:23,700
Excuse me, Kermit,
I got one last act back here.
356
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:27,120
It's a human cannonball act,
The Zucchini Brothers.
357
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:29,456
[DRAMATIC CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING]
358
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,499
[SHOUTING IN ITALIAN GIBBERISH]
359
00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:56,900
Push-a, push-a, push-a.
360
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:06,409
-Hey, get the booma-booma.
-Hey! Hey!
361
00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:08,661
-Booma-booma.
-Hey, hey!
362
00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:10,914
[FUSE FIZZLES]
363
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:13,416
-No booma-booma.
-No booma-booma!
364
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,210
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN GIBBERISH]
365
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:16,628
Dud! Dud!
366
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,382
Cut! Is that it, Scooter?
367
00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:21,841
[CANNON FIRES]
368
00:22:24,678 --> 00:22:29,099
Well, that's it. It's all over.
Whew, what a night. Hm.
369
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:32,227
-Does that mean, uh, we can all go home?
-Yeah. It sure does, Steve.
370
00:22:32,310 --> 00:22:35,605
Listen, I hope you're not mad
that we canceled the show.
371
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:37,440
Oh, no, just a little disappointed
372
00:22:37,524 --> 00:22:40,735
I didn't get to do the number
I'd rehearsed with your jug band.
373
00:22:40,819 --> 00:22:42,821
Oh, I didn't know
you'd rehearsed a number.
374
00:22:42,904 --> 00:22:45,990
Oh, it was gonna be good,
but no problem, don't worry.
375
00:22:46,074 --> 00:22:48,743
Yeah, well, I would've
liked to have seen it.
376
00:22:48,827 --> 00:22:50,954
I knew he'd fall for it. Come on in, guys.
377
00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:52,414
[MUPPETS SHOUTING AND CHEERING]
378
00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:55,166
It goes a little bit like this.
379
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:58,253
[PLAYING BLUEGRASS MUSIC]
380
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:26,489
♪ La-la-la, la, la ♪
381
00:23:35,790 --> 00:23:38,460
Yee-haw!
382
00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:52,640
Oh, get it, gramps.
383
00:25:00,375 --> 00:25:02,002
It's another dud!
384
00:25:06,589 --> 00:25:08,008
[CANNON FIRES]
385
00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:15,098
Well, this is the time when I usually
say the show is over,
386
00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:17,892
but it seems kind of silly
since the show never begun.
387
00:25:17,976 --> 00:25:20,186
But if it had begun, I'd be saying,
388
00:25:20,270 --> 00:25:22,564
"Let's have a special thanks
for Mr. Steve Martin!"
389
00:25:22,647 --> 00:25:25,650
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
390
00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:29,279
I can't tell you what a pleasure it's been
for me not being on your show tonight.
391
00:25:30,405 --> 00:25:34,576
If there's anybody left watching, we'll
see you next time on The Muppet Show!
392
00:25:34,659 --> 00:25:37,078
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
393
00:26:16,701 --> 00:26:18,036
Well, that was different.
394
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,622
-Yep, lousy, but different!
-But different!
30156
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