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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
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Edgar Bergen, 25 seconds to curtain,
Mr. Bergen.
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00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:07,424
Oh, thank you. Did you hear that, Charlie?
4
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:11,302
I... I... I just can't believe my eyes.
Did he go yet?
5
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:13,388
Yes, he stuck his head
in the door and left.
6
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I don't mean him, I mean him.
7
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,518
Uh... Oh.
8
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I just can't believe my eyes.
A stick of wood that talks.
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It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Mr. Edgar Bergen.
10
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,202
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,507
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
12
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,718
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
13
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
14
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
15
00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,435
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
16
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
17
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-Maybe this week they'll be funny.
-Wanna bet?
18
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,237
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
20
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[EXPLOSION]
23
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
24
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:27,962
Thank you, thank you. Hello there,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
25
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We have two very special guests tonight:
26
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Mr. Edgar Bergen and Mr. Charlie McCarthy.
27
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Uh, we're also going to try to coax
Mortimer Snerd into making an appearance.
28
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You see, Mortimer's a shy country boy.
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Mortimer, this opening number
should make you feel right at home.
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Uh, ready, girls?
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[CHICKENS CLUCKING
TO MELODY OF "BABY FACE"]
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Now, why would they have
a bunch of chickens sing "Baby Face"?
33
00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,981
Because the alligators were sick.
34
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That makes sense.
35
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,319
Yeah, okay, okay.
36
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,447
Yeah, I see what you mean
about the dressing room.
37
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I'll see what I can do about having
a coop built for you out back, okay?
38
00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:06,037
Okay, okay, sure, right.
39
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:09,833
You have to treat the chickens
pretty well. They've got a tough union.
40
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,585
Good grief! It's Edgar Bergen
and Charlie McCarthy!
41
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
42
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Bergen, call the janitor,
there's a toad loose in the theater.
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-Charlie, Kermit is supposed to be here.
-Yeah?
44
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Yes, and besides, don't you know
the difference between a frog and a toad?
45
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I guess not, no.
46
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You see, frogs are handsome,
debonair and charming,
47
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,066
while toads are ugly and give you warts.
48
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:39,029
I see. I guess that means
the toad is supposed to be here.
49
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,197
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
50
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Kermit, uh, do forgive Charlie.
51
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,119
I know that he can be difficult
and trying.
52
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-I can be difficult without trying.
-Yeah, I know you can.
53
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:53,501
Uh, I don't mind, Edgar, because I always
expect wisecracks from Charlie.
54
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,961
It's very good to have you here.
55
00:04:55,045 --> 00:05:00,050
Well, I'm sorry, I don't usually
talk to frogs, you know.
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00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,344
-Charlie, please.
-Yeah, all right.
57
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:05,430
Sometimes I have dinner with frogs though.
58
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:08,016
-Oh, well, that's nice.
-Yes, they're delicious.
59
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:11,770
-That's not nice.
-Well, make up your mind.
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00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,358
In fact, I once tried
to race some frogs, see.
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00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:19,778
-Uh, I'm not sure I want to hear this.
-Well, you'll get it anyway.
62
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:24,199
I was going to teach them
to jump forwards and backwards.
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And that way they'd have hind legs
on both ends, see.
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00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,997
-And I'd have the jump on everybody.
-Eek.
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You don't know what you're saying.
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Yes I do, Bergen. I can read your lips.
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That burns him up.
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00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,887
Charlie, it's really great to have you
here. Just try to relax and act natural.
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00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,597
Well, I am acting natural.
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00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,724
Really? You look a little wooden to me.
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00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,726
[CHARLIE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
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If you're gonna do jokes like that,
Bergen and I will feel right at home.
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-Yes, we will.
-Well, that's what we want.
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-Relaxed guests? Oh.
-Uh, no, song cues.
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00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:04,030
[BAND PLAYING MARCH MUSIC]
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♪ Consider yourself at home ♪
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00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,746
♪ Consider yourself one of the family ♪
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00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:12,997
No, thank you.
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00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:16,501
♪ We've taken to you so strong ♪
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00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:20,422
♪ It's clear we're going to get along ♪
81
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:23,299
♪ Consider yourself well in ♪
82
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♪ Consider yourself
Part of the furniture ♪
83
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Not me.
84
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♪ There isn't a lot to spare ♪
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So what? Who cares?
86
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,021
♪ Whatever we have we'll share ♪
87
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,733
♪ If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days ♪
88
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♪ Empty larder days ♪
89
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♪ Why grouse? ♪
90
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♪ Always a chance we'll meet
Somebody to foot the bill ♪
91
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:50,410
♪ Then the drinks are on the house ♪
92
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:51,828
Not me, I'm driving.
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00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,330
♪ Consider yourself our mate ♪
94
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,457
Check.
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♪ We don't wanna have no fuss ♪
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Right.
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♪ For after some consideration
We can state ♪
98
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:06,092
♪ Consider yourself one of us ♪
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[CLUCKING]
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Remember, girls, an egg a day
keeps the hatchet away.
101
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[OINKING AND SNORTING]
102
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Here's the bacon to go with the eggs.
103
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:27,447
[GROWLING AND GRUMBLING]
104
00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:35,080
Bergen, this isn't a television show,
this is a zoo.
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00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:41,211
♪ Consider yourself our mate ♪
106
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Oink, oink.
107
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♪ We don't wanna have no fuss ♪
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Cluck, cluck.
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♪ For after some consideration ♪
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♪ We can state ♪
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-♪ Consider yourself ♪
-♪ Consider yourself ♪
112
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,724
-♪ Consider yourself ♪
-♪ Consider yourself ♪
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♪ Consider yourself ♪
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♪ One of us ♪
115
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,150
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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NEWSCASTER:
Here is a Muppet news flash.
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Dateline, The Muppet Show.
An embarrassing situation developed today
118
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:18,915
when the Muppet news reporter
accidentally went on camera
119
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,042
forgetting to put on his pants--
120
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,213
[CLEARS THROAT]
121
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Oh, good grief.
122
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:34,264
KERMIT: And now, in a feat of grand daring
never before seen on this planet,
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00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,601
The Great Gonzo will attempt
to wrestle a six-pound red brick
124
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,021
while completely blindfolded.
125
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,647
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
126
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[GRUNTING AND PANTING]
127
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[SNIFFS]
128
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,823
Ah.
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Hi-yah!
130
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,038
[GROANS]
131
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,291
Ah.
132
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,877
[SNIFFS] Ah, ha-ha-ha!
133
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,131
[SHOUTING]
134
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:13,219
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
135
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:23,897
Okay, put the Pigs in Space set
on-stage, please.
136
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:27,108
Kermit, you promised me
a welterweight brick.
137
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,735
Oh, yeah.
138
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:32,447
Scooter, would you find Captain Hogthrob
and tell him to stand by, please?
139
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,616
-Check.
-Uh, Kermit, where's the glue?
140
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,951
Uh, it's in the office. Where's Piggy?
141
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:41,206
Also, I need some string and some paint.
And do you have any black cloth?
142
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,166
Uh, Fozzie, I'm trying to run a show here.
143
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:48,588
Oh, I know, Kermit, but I'm on
in a few minutes and my act's not ready.
144
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:50,382
Well, what act is that, Fozzie?
145
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:54,010
Oh, well, you know how Edgar Bergen
gets screams of laughter
146
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,764
-just by talking with Charlie McCarthy?
-Uh, yeah, so?
147
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,771
Me and Chucky'll knock them dead tonight.
148
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,609
There he goes, the dummy and his dummy.
149
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:16,866
NARRATOR:
And now, Pigs in Space!
150
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:23,415
Starring the indomitable
Captain Link Hogthrob,
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00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:26,459
the flappable first mate, Miss Piggy,
152
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:30,338
and the inexplicable Dr. Strangepork.
153
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,051
As we left our heroes last time,
154
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:39,889
the spaceship Swinetrek was on the verge
of a hideous catastrophe.
155
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:44,644
Dr. Strangepork, who can save us
from this hideous catastrophe?
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Captain, according to my records,
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00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:50,900
the only person who's had
the necessary training to save us
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is First Mate Piggy.
159
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,237
[GASPS]
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Oh, I am ready to do whatever is necessary
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00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:00,869
to save the Swinetrek and her crew.
162
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:04,330
I am at the service of all porkdom.
163
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,499
What is my assignment?
164
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,876
-Miss Piggy...
-Hm?
165
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:11,171
you and you alone can operate
the independent heating,
166
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:14,883
slash unifying element across
the horizonal equalizing plane
167
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:17,677
and save the entire crew of the Swinetrek.
168
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,387
Oh? Oh!
169
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,473
I am ready, my captain.
170
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,976
Excellent. Bring in
the equipment for Miss Piggy.
171
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,483
But what is this?
172
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,737
Well, surely you recognize
the independent heating,
173
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:40,158
slash unifying element
and the horizonal equalizing plane.
174
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:45,038
You want me to do the laundry?
175
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,667
Well, of course. Nobody on the crew
has had clean laundry for a week.
176
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:52,671
That is correct.
We are all living like pigs.
177
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:55,298
An astute observation, doctor.
178
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,677
You wanna play a little touch football,
toss the old pigskin around?
179
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,096
Right behind you, captain.
180
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,390
Oh, uh, one more thing, Miss Piggy.
181
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:06,351
A little less starch in the pajamas, okay?
182
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:09,688
Oh, yeah?
Well, starch this, sausage snout!
183
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:10,855
Hi-yah!
184
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,982
[CLANGS]
185
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:17,696
NARRATOR: Tune in again next time
for another iron-fisted episode of
186
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:22,033
Pigs in Space!
187
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:28,915
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC]
188
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:33,169
♪ Ever since songwriters
Started writing songs, ♪
189
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,339
♪ They have written songs
About the rose. ♪
190
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:41,636
♪ Red roses, blue roses,
Old roses, new roses, ♪
191
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,931
♪ Roses from the north
And south and west ♪
192
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:49,477
♪ But here is the rose song
That I love the best ♪
193
00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:56,026
♪ Show me a rose
And I'll show you a girl who cares ♪
194
00:12:56,109 --> 00:13:00,613
♪ Show me a rose
Or leave me alone ♪
195
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:06,244
♪ Show me a rose
And I'll show you a storm at sea ♪
196
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:11,708
♪ Show me a rose
Or leave me alone ♪
197
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,838
♪ She taught me how to do the tango ♪
198
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:21,551
♪ Down where the palm trees sway ♪
199
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,805
♪ I called her Rosa Mia ♪
200
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:29,225
♪ And she called a spade a spade ♪
201
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:34,981
♪ Show me a rose
And I'll show you a stag at bay ♪
202
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:40,779
♪ Show me a rose
Or leave me alone ♪
203
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:45,825
♪ One night in Bixby, Mississippi ♪
204
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:50,413
♪ We watched the clouds roll by ♪
205
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:54,209
♪ I said, "My dear, how are you?" ♪
206
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:58,880
♪ And she whispered "So am I." ♪
207
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:03,968
♪ Show me a rose
And I'll show you a girl named Sam ♪
208
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:08,139
♪ Show me a rose
Or leave me alone ♪
209
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:14,396
♪ Show me a rose
A fragrant rose ♪
210
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:17,315
♪ Make believe
That you don't know me ♪
211
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:22,654
♪ Until you show me
A rose! ♪
212
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:32,622
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Bergen,
could I come in and talk for a minute?
213
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:35,083
-Well, of course you can, Fozzie.
-Oh, good.
214
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,127
And it's good to see you again.
215
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,921
Uh, you know Mortimer Snerd, of course?
216
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:44,551
Oh! Well, of course
I recognize this charming,
217
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,594
handsome looking gentleman.
218
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:49,264
Aw! [CHUCKLES]
219
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,516
He says the darnedest things.
220
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,478
Well, uh, Mortimer,
you know who he is, surely.
221
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,523
Oh, yeah. Hello, Shirley.
222
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,567
No, no, my name is Fozzie.
223
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,736
Yeah, that's right, Shirley Fozzie.
224
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,487
-No.
-Ha, ha. No.
225
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,782
Listen, Mortimer,
I didn't even know you were here.
226
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:11,077
Well, say, maybe I'm not here.
227
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:14,122
-What?
-Was I here yesterday?
228
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,206
Uh, no.
229
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:19,210
Well, then probably I'm not here today.
I don't travel too much.
230
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,297
Uh, listen, Mr. Bergen--
231
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:25,425
-Am I supposed to be here?
-Of course.
232
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:29,554
You'll have to excuse Mortimer.
He's a little bit slow.
233
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,140
[MORTIMER CHUCKLES]
234
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:35,727
Yeah, it's probably why I'm not here yet.
235
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,271
Wait, what do you mean, Mortimer?
236
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:41,608
Well, if I were faster,
I'd be here by now.
237
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:45,236
Listen, Mortimer, take my word for it,
you are here.
238
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,405
Well, thank goodness.
239
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:48,907
-Are you through?
-No, I'm here.
240
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,533
Yeah, all right.
241
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,994
Mortimer, haven't you any brains at all?
242
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:56,748
Well, uh, not with me, no.
243
00:15:56,831 --> 00:16:00,126
I'll ignore that.
Fozzie, what can I do for you?
244
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:04,756
Oh, well, Mr. Bergen, see, my spot
in the show is on in just a minute
245
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:08,259
and I've decided to go out
and do an act like yours.
246
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:10,178
Oh, well, our act is easy.
247
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:13,056
Yeah, I sit on the stage and talk
248
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:17,352
and Bergen stands next to me
and moves his lips.
249
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,020
That's all.
250
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:21,648
There's one more thing.
You must have comedy.
251
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,483
You must have good jokes.
252
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:26,569
-Jokes, yeah.
-Speaking of jokes...
253
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:27,696
[CHUCKLES]
254
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,323
...there's the funniest story
going around.
255
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:35,286
What...? What...? Mortimer,
what's the story going around?
256
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,289
Well, I don't know,
it hasn't gotten around to me yet.
257
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,836
Boy, Mortimer, you are stupid.
258
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,089
Yeah, yeah. But I've made a success of it.
259
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,509
Excuse me, Mortimer. Fozzie, you're on.
260
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:53,179
Oh! Oh! Oh, I'm on!
Oh, wish me luck, Mortimer.
261
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,640
-Good luck.
-Yeah, good luck.
262
00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:57,100
[MORTIMER CHUCKLES]
263
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,769
Oh, that Shirley is a nice fellow.
264
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,229
[GROANS]
265
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,814
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
266
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:08,945
Okay, well, once again, it's time for
everyone's semi-favorite funny man...
267
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:12,490
Uh... or, favorite semi-funny man,
or whatever.
268
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,993
Uh, Fozzie has something new
in mind for tonight,
269
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:19,581
so summon your courage and welcome,
if you will, Mr. Fozzie Bear and friend.
270
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:21,833
[BAND PLAYS FANFARE]
271
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:29,299
Uh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
It's Fozzie and Chucky time!
272
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,384
Ha, ha. Uh, ahem.
273
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:36,389
Uh, Chucky, who was that lady
I saw you with last night?
274
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:37,557
This is funny.
275
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,603
[FOZZIE CHUCKLES]
276
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:45,774
Uh, Chucky, who was that lady
I saw you with last night?
277
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,823
All part of the act. Ha, ha.
278
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:58,411
Uh... Hey, Chucky, heh...
Uh, moving right along...
279
00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:02,832
Uh, Chucky, why do firemen
wear red suspenders?
280
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,924
Okay, Chucky, listen, uh...
281
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:14,010
why'd the chicken cross the road? Heh.
282
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,723
Why did the chicken
cross the road, Chucky?!
283
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,642
Say something! Anything!
284
00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:25,855
-Uh, Fozzie...
-He won't talk to me!
285
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,816
Listen, there's something
about ventriloquism
286
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:29,192
that I think you should know.
287
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,861
-What?
-You see, Fozzie... Listen, Fozzie.
288
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:35,782
[WHISPERS] It's the ventriloquist
who actually does the talking...
289
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:38,326
-He doesn't.
-Yeah.
290
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:41,162
-Really? No moving lips?
-Mm-hm. Nope.
291
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:42,497
Okay, okay, I've got it now.
292
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,082
[LAUGHS]
293
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,543
Uh, listen. Ahem.
294
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,670
Uh, Chucky-- Ha.
295
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,840
--who was that lady
I saw you with last night?
296
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:57,679
[MUMBLES] That was no lady.
That was my wife. Ah!
297
00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:58,888
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
298
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,851
Oh, that's so funny! Oh, I love me! Yeah!
299
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,690
Actually, I spent the night alone.
300
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,488
[BAND PLAYING "TIME IN A BOTTLE"]
301
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:28,209
♪ If I could save time in a bottle ♪
302
00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:33,631
♪ The first thing that I'd like to do ♪
303
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:42,557
♪ Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away ♪
304
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,393
♪ Just to spend them with you ♪
305
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:51,358
♪ If I could make days last forever ♪
306
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:56,321
♪ If words could make wishes come true ♪
307
00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:04,204
♪ I'd save every day like a treasure
And then ♪
308
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:07,957
♪ Again, I would spend them with you ♪
309
00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:15,131
♪ But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you wanna do ♪
310
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,966
♪ Once you find them ♪
311
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,765
♪ I've looked around enough to know ♪
312
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:27,894
♪ That you're the one
I wanna go through time with ♪
313
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:48,665
♪ If I had a box just for wishes ♪
314
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:53,878
♪ And dreams that had never come true ♪
315
00:20:55,338 --> 00:21:00,802
♪ The box would be empty
Except for the memory ♪
316
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:05,348
♪ Of how they were answered by you ♪
317
00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:12,230
♪ But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you wanna do ♪
318
00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:13,982
♪ Once you find them ♪
319
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,947
♪ I've looked around enough to know ♪
320
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:25,243
♪ That you're the one
I wanna go through time with ♪
321
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:40,050
♪ If I could save time in a bottle ♪
322
00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:56,316
[PLAYING TUNE]
323
00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,299
[CLUCKING]
324
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,010
Terrible.
325
00:22:24,094 --> 00:22:26,012
Awful, I hated it.
326
00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:27,931
[GROWLS]
327
00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,808
-Uh, wonderful!
-Uh, spectacular.
328
00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:31,726
-I loved it.
-Yeah, I loved it.
329
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:36,439
Uh, Edgar Bergen is a performer
who means something very special
330
00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:38,108
to all of us on The Muppet Show,
331
00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:41,820
so it's really a thrill for me to say
once again, here is Edgar Bergen
332
00:22:41,903 --> 00:22:44,322
and everybody's friend, Charlie McCarthy.
333
00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:46,324
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
334
00:22:48,993 --> 00:22:52,706
Well, Charlie, are you enjoying yourself
on The Muppet Show?
335
00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:56,960
Uh, yes, Bergen, I'm, uh...
I'm enjoying myself, yes.
336
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,004
-Well, that's nice.
-Yes.
337
00:22:59,087 --> 00:23:01,589
I have to enjoy myself.
338
00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:04,217
There's nothing else
to enjoy on this show.
339
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:07,971
-What?
-They're a bunch of weirdoes.
340
00:23:08,054 --> 00:23:12,642
Oh, no, no, Charlie.
That's not nice to say that.
341
00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:14,894
Why there's some wonderful folks
on this show.
342
00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:17,439
-Yeah?
-Yes, well, like Fozzie.
343
00:23:17,522 --> 00:23:19,482
-Well, he's a bear.
-Yes.
344
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:22,277
-Pure and simple.
-Charlie.
345
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,864
-Accent on "simple."
-Ha, ha. Yes.
346
00:23:25,947 --> 00:23:29,701
No, you know, I think he's very nice.
He's so cute and cuddly.
347
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:33,621
-Yeah, you know what he reminds me of?
-No, what?
348
00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:38,460
Well, uh, you know, the floor in my den,
it needs a rug.
349
00:23:38,543 --> 00:23:40,837
It needs a rug. That's enough of that.
350
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,048
I don't wanna hear any more about Fozzie.
351
00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:45,091
Good, I'll talk about the frog.
352
00:23:45,175 --> 00:23:47,260
No, no, no, you won't.
353
00:23:47,344 --> 00:23:49,929
-He is our host, Kermit is.
-Yeah, that's right.
354
00:23:50,013 --> 00:23:53,975
You know what we used to do
with frogs in biology class?
355
00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:57,145
-I don't want to hear about that.
-No, no.
356
00:23:57,228 --> 00:24:01,191
I'm surprised to hear you talking
that way. What's the matter with you?
357
00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:05,528
Well, if you must know, I'm, uh...
I'm lonesome.
358
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:06,821
-Oh, you're lonesome.
-Yeah.
359
00:24:06,905 --> 00:24:09,157
Oh, I should have guessed that, sure.
360
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:13,620
You miss the companionship
of a beautiful, gorgeous female.
361
00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:15,997
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Did someone call me?
362
00:24:16,081 --> 00:24:17,248
She's here.
363
00:24:17,332 --> 00:24:18,750
[PANTING]
364
00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:20,001
Yikes!
365
00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:25,215
Don't look, now, Bergen,
but somebody left the sty gate open.
366
00:24:26,549 --> 00:24:28,051
Did you say something?
367
00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:31,721
Yeah, well, I was...
I was talking to Bergen.
368
00:24:31,805 --> 00:24:33,223
PIGGY:
Mm-hm?
369
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:36,976
Yeah, he was just saying
that he wanted to meet you.
370
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:42,273
-Uh-huh. Didn't sound that way to me.
-Yeah. Well, me neither, and I said it.
371
00:24:42,357 --> 00:24:46,194
For your information,
you overdressed splinter,
372
00:24:46,277 --> 00:24:48,530
my heart belongs to Kermit.
373
00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:51,282
You? You're in love with a frog?
374
00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:52,492
[CHUCKLES]
375
00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:54,994
What are you laughing at, mahogany mouth?
376
00:24:55,078 --> 00:24:57,706
You know what we used to do with frogs?
377
00:24:57,789 --> 00:25:00,166
No. You know what we used to do with wood?
378
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:02,168
-No.
-Chop it!
379
00:25:02,252 --> 00:25:03,294
Hi-yah!
380
00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:05,088
Aah! Solid oak!
381
00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:06,631
[SHOUTING]
382
00:25:10,844 --> 00:25:13,013
Okay. Well, that's about it
for another Muppet Show,
383
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:17,434
but before we say goodbye, let's bring out
our special guests one more time.
384
00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:20,103
CHARLIE: I'm not going out there
if that pig is still there.
385
00:25:20,186 --> 00:25:21,521
EDGAR:
Don't be silly, Charlie.
386
00:25:21,604 --> 00:25:24,107
Mr. Edgar Bergen and Mr. Charlie McCarthy!
387
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,609
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
388
00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:29,904
-Is that pig gone?
-There's nobody out here but us frogs.
389
00:25:29,988 --> 00:25:34,451
Oh, just frogs. Did I ever tell you
what we did with frogs in biology class?
390
00:25:34,534 --> 00:25:37,078
Uh, we're a little late, folks,
but we'll see you next time
391
00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:38,288
on The Muppet Show.
392
00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:41,958
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
393
00:26:17,535 --> 00:26:20,580
He shouldn't have jumped,
the show's not that bad.
30815
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